Cum On, Of Course It Matters!

by Emperor

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Fluttershy, Random, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1790

Fluttershy asks Twilight a question about if she was a Changeling. She gets a reasonable answer. Twilight then continues in explicit detail about why it would really matter.

Fluttershy asks Twilight a question. She gets a reasonable answer.

Then Twilight continues on, giving Fluttershy all the salacious details of why it would really matter. After all, a mare needs some luvin'.

Trigger Warnings: Completely OOC Twilight, Lots of Description (but no actual sex)

Yet another parody of Would It Matter If I Was? by GaPJaxie

Cover art by mysticalpha used with permission.

Published 2015-10-24 17:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-24 17:50:01 UTC

Dr. Sparkle Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Box

“Yes, it does matter.”

Fluttershy blinked, surprised at the quick response. “Why?” She asked quietly, nervous about the answer.

She regretted it the instant Twilight turned around. Those were the eyes of a Twilight more obsessed than normal, the hairs on her mane splitting apart similar to her behaviour during the infamous Lesson Zero incident. “Fluttershy, do you know how much combined knowledge the Royal Canterlot Library has on Changelings?”

Fluttershy shook her head, “Er, not much?”

“The only anecdotal data we have on Changelings goes back several hundred years,” Twilight said, her eyes slowly growing wider. “Even the Princesses haven’t seen any in person since before the time of Nightmare Moon. Who knows how their magic works, if they actually change or just cast an illusion! Is it an automatic thing or do they have to learn it? If I could get a willing subject to interview, I could publish several books and finally get tenure at Canterlot University! Just one would be enough to get me my doctorate!”

As she continued to talk, Twilight’s words came out faster and faster until they risked becoming a jumbled mess of letters, and she got closer and closer to Fluttershy. The yellow Pegasus found herself cowering, drawing her head low almost to the floor to retain personal space, only for Twilight to continue hovering over her. “So, Fluttershy, are you a Changeling?” She asked maniacally, eyes unblinking, mouth wide open and exposing all her teeth. Fluttershy would swear up and down they resembled a carnivore’s sharp teeth in that moment, instead of the grinding molars typical of an herbivorous pony.

But the Element Bearers had discussed this before, and Fluttershy stopped her friend cold. “Lesson Zero, Twilight,” Fluttershy reminded her unicorn friend.

Twilight blinked. Then she blinked again. Then she closed her mouth, took a deep breath in through her nasal cavity, then out, in and out again. Realising how close she was to Fluttershy, she backed away. “Sorry Fluttershy,” She said. “You know how I get sometimes.”

“Yes,” Fluttershy agreed. “But it was just a hypothetical question. Would it matter if I was a Changeling?”

“There’s many ways to answer that question, honestly,” Twilight said, beginning to pace back and forth around her table, having since forgotten the last time she wore a groove in the floor doing so. “Nopony really knows how the Changeling feeding habits operate, on this whole ‘emotion’ basis. If it’s a relationship of commensalism where there’s no harm being done to the ponies, there’s nothing ethically wrong with you being a Changeling. If it’s a parasitic relationship, however, then it definitely would matter. Morally, I would feel rather deceived that you kept such a secret from me for all the time that I’ve known you.”

“Zecora,” Fluttershy prompted.

“Yes, Zecora,” Twilight conceded as she came to a stop, “At least with her I could tell she was a zebra by her physical appearance. A Changeling? I wouldn’t have recognised one prior to the wedding, and you know how many books I’ve read! Ponyville treated Zecora awfully. I shudder to think of what we would have done to a Changeling before Shiny’s and Cady’s wedding, and I can’t fathom what we would do now that the only thing Changelings have done in living memory was to invade Canterlot.” The two gave a shared shiver at the scene playing out in their collective imaginations.

“So yes, it would matter if you were a Changeling,” Twilight concluded. “But if you were one, I would understand why you would have disguised yourself as a pony.”

“Oh,” Fluttershy said, happy that her friend didn’t appear to be judging based solely on a sapient creature’s race, instead apparently interested in Changeling biology.

“That, and if you were a Changeling, since some of the Changelings I saw during the invasion changed into both mares and stallions, it would mean you and I could experiment so many ways together in the bedroom.”

“Eep?” Fluttershy squeaked. Where had that come from?

“Yes,” Twilight rambled, “We could be fillyfoolers, embracing one another as marefriend and marefriend in public, and then in the bedroom you could change into a stallion, what’s a good name for that, Butterscotch? Yes, Butterscotch, and you could take me and pin me down and mount me, give my parents the grandfoals they’ve always wanted like the good coltfriend you would be. Tie Twilight up and breed this mare in heat like she deserves. Cum deep into her and make her scream and moan for several rounds while making her belly bulge out so she can't ignore your girth. Then make her do oral until she gets addicted to your horsecock and starts calling you her master and referring to herself in the third pony. Make her plot and mouth so sore she won’t be able to walk and talk for days afterwards!”

Fluttershy began to curl in on herself as Twilight continued, eyes twitching like mad, front hooves flailing about at random as if she was illustrating a sex act. “If the books are to be believed and Changelings feed off of love, then surely lust must be an acceptable substitute. I could find other mares to join your herd while remaining your alpha mare, and we could have nonstop orgies and you would never tire, always able to keep going. Like a perpetual sex engine, really. We’d be tired and you could continue to buck us until you break us down into your willing pets.”

Slowly, Fluttershy began to back away. Looking around the room, she saw a box. The box was calling to her. She had an urge to get inside the box – no, more than that, it felt like it was her destiny to be there, in the box. The last time she had hid in a box, at the Hearth’s Warming Eve play, there was a sense of inner peace, something she couldn’t quite put in words. She could hide in there, hide under its contents and her mane.

“Then you could change back into regular good old Fluttershy and be all shy and timid, and then I’d be the top in bed as I take out all the toys I’ve had to secretly hide so Spike doesn’t find them when cleaning, and put them to good use. I’ve thought of at least three hundred different ways to use the rope alone, and the hoofcuffs would require thorough sanitisation every few hours.” Then Fluttershy listened to Twilight and decided leaving out the door before Twilight noticed was the better idea, given how lost in her fantasy scenarios the unicorn was.

“I’m pretty sure I have a big brother complex, you could change into Shiny and we could test it! Maybe my father too, while we’re at it. Oh, oh! I could study your transformation magic and see if I could finally devise a gender-changing spell, that’s worthy of its own paper! It’s supposed to be impossible, but I’m sure it’s doable if the Changelings can manage it, and I’d get to experience first-hand what a Changeling tongue is like. Maybe even try some of those hands that that silly Lyra is always talking about, I’ve no idea what these humans are but if they’re anything like minotaur hands they must offer lots of flexibility. I’ve got so many fantasies I’ve written out, we could go through each and every one of them. All of the fetishes, Fluttershy.”

Easy did it, one step at a time, and Fluttershy was almost out the library door.

“Rarity would have a field day with designing costumes for all our play scenarios. That mare really thinks she’s fooling us? Hah! It’s right there in the name, Carousel Boutique! She can’t tell me she doesn’t know where the word carousel originates from, her sister’s a living, breathing dictionary! We just have to coax Rarity into designing costumes with chainlinks. Her and Applejack both, I’ve seen them at my sleepover! Those two are totally into each other. Applejack’s going to have to lasso her in before we do if she wants to have a chance. Oh, oh, speaking of us, we could even have a threesome with my personal checklist, five point two hooves long and one point eight hooves in diameter!”

She couldn’t help it, really. It was just who she was, Fluttershy thought to herself as she inadvertently let out another squeak at that last comment.

Twilight Sparkle finally stopped talking as she remembered who else was in the room, and immediately she was in front of Fluttershy again, grabbing her friend’s face in between her hooves. “Make me carry your foals, Fluttershy! All of them!” She hissed, pupils somehow narrowing until they were nearly pinpricks. “Turn me into your personal cum dumpster! Buck me raw until I no longer dream about books but instead your big, fat, gleaming stallionhoo-“

“I’m not a Changeling, Twilight,” Fluttershy said gently, finally working up the nerve to speak through all the unspeakable things her friend wanted to do to or with her. “It was just a hypothetical question.”

Twilight froze.

Her muzzle was wide open, giving Fluttershy an uncomfortable glance all the way back at her uvula (a morbid part of her noted that Twilight would have been easily able to deepthroat nearly anything). Once more, Twilight had completely stopped blinking in a state of complete shock, and her wild, split-ended hair would have been Rarity’s worst dream. Slowly, as rigid as a statue, her body fell over sideways making a moderate sound as it impacted the floor, hooves still in position in front of her. To Spike's credit, there wasn't a mote of dust kicked up off the floor.

Fluttershy winced. She could feel the mortification Twilight was experiencing over all the deep fantasies and secrets she had just revealed, as well as what had been all but a direct confession of her feelings for Fluttershy. Not that Fluttershy hadn’t noticed it in the time she knew Twilight, of course. But there was love, and then there was that. Fluttershy had decided she would only allow it when Twilight could get past her many bouts of mania. Her mother had always told her to avoid madponies, after all.

She squeaked as one of Twilight's hooves twitched. That box looked real good right about now.

Author's Note

I'm surprised this spin on a parody wasn't done yet. Thank goodness there are always shameless authors willing to forgo their dignity! Double so for throwing in a few memes and references.

Yes, the word choice of the ending is deliberate so Fluttershy could or couldn't be a Changeling.