Author's Note

Here's another chapter for you all. I'm still looking for a proofreader and editor. So if you're interested, just PM me.

Chapter III

When Tripp had noticed the pony waking up, he hadn’t expected it to scream at him. And (in all honesty, lads) the screaming was hurting his ears. It didn’t help that Derek had begun screaming, too

“Why are you screaming?” Tripp shouted, trying to get his voice higher than that of a screaming pony and a screaming Derek.

“I’m trying to communicate with her,” Derek screamed back, grabbing hold of Tripp’s head and pulling him to his mouth. “I think it’s working!” he screamed in Tripp’s ear.

Tripp pulled his head away from Derek’s mouth. Putting his index fingers in his ears, he gritted his teeth. A screaming Derek was bad enough, but a screaming pony was making it worse. And did ponies even scream?

Not wasting any more seconds, Tripp finally snapped.

“Derek!”

“What?”

“Shut up!”

“’Kay.”

“And you too!” Tripp screamed at the pony. This seemed to have worked, because both human and pony were quiet. Tripp pulled his fingers out of his ears and let out a sigh of relief. “Thank you.” he sighed, sitting back down on his chair.

“P-please don’t hurt me,” the pony whispered, fear filled her eyes and voice as she turned her head to the creature that sat beside her.

“We won’t hurt you,” Derek said, reaching out for the pony. The pony, as a response, bit Derek’s finger. “Ouch!” Derek exclaimed, grabbing hold of his bitten finger, inspecting it. “You bit my finger!” Derek said, pointing his other index finger at the pony, only for that one to get bitten as well. “Ouch! She bit my finger, again!” he said, pointing his other index finger at her again, only for him to stop before it got close enough to the ponies’ muzzle. “Oh, I’m smarter now,” Derek said as he stood up, his back facing the pony. “Now you can’t bite my—ouch!” He exclaimed, turning to Tripp. “She bit my butt.” Derek whined.

“Will you stand beside me and keep your butt away from the pony, please?” Tripp asked, rubbing his temples.

“Jokes on her,” Derek said as he walked over to Tripp. “I’ve been wearing these pants for two weeks now, and my underwear for three days.”

As a reply, Tripp quickly got off his chair and made his way over to the pony. Standing just far enough so that she couldn’t bite his butt, Tripp turned around and bended over, getting on eye level with the pony.

“This might sound strange, Derek, but I think this pony is wearing a crown.” Tripp said, turning his head to his friend.

“Awesome,” Derek said, pushing Tripp aside and looking at the pony. He saw that the pony was indeed wearing a crown. Not wasting any time for one of his many dreams to come true, he grabbed the crown and put it on his head. “From this day forward I am no longer Derek. I am: Queen Derek.”

“Don’t you mean: King Derek?” Tripp asked.

“Aw man, I messed up again,” Derek sighed.

“That crown belongs to the Princess of the Crystal Empire. Be wise and return it to me at once.”

Both teens turned their gaze to the pony. Did it just talk? And if it did, why did it talk. Ponies don’t talk.

“Did you j-just talked?” Tripp asked the pony, who turned her head towards him.

“Yes, and I want my crown back.” The pony demanded, turning her head and glaring at Derek. “Give. It. Back. Now!” she shrieked.

“Wow,” Derek said as he quickly put the crown back on her head. “You had a quick change of attitude there. Reminds me of my uncle Bill, actually.”

--/--/--/--> <--/--/--/--

“Derek, could you hand me the remote?” Asked Uncle Bill, pointing at the remote that was only six feet away from him.

“Sure thing Uncle Bill,” Derek replied, getting off his chair and grabbing the remote. “Here you go Uncle Bill.” He said, handing him the remote.

Snatching the remote from Derek’s hand, Uncle Bill glared at him. “I said hand me the remote!” he shouted, throwing the remote at his nephew. Derek ducked out of the way. Looking up at Uncle Bill with a shocked expression.

“Could you please hand me the remote?” Uncle Bill asked politely, smiling at him.

“But I just gave it to you,” Derek sighed, walking towards the remote and picking it up. Walking back to his uncle, he handed him the remote again. “Here you go.”

“Get off my property!” Uncle Bill shouted, throwing the remote at Derek again.

“But this is my home.” Derek whined.

“Could you hand me the remote?”

“Why do I keep handing it over?” Derek whined, handing his uncle the remote again.

--/--/--/--> <--/--/--/--

“Fun fact. He’s still my favorite uncle,” Derek said, turning to Tripp. “Sometimes he gets distracted and forgets what he asked but—wait, what where we talking about?”

“Derek! Let’s keep our focus on the talking pony that is sitting on your grandmother’s couch.” Tripp said, rubbing his forehead. “Alright, let’s just calm down and talk this out like civilized people.”

“Is it true ponies eat twice their own weight?” Derek asked the pony, who raised her eyebrow at his question.

“Where’d you get that idea?” She asked.

“National Planet.” Derek replied.

“You mean Animal Planet? Right?” Tripp asked.

“Dang it! I knew I was combining the wrong words.” Derek said. Slapping his forehead, he sighed and lowered his head. “So a Kangermoos isn’t a thing either?” he asked.

Tripp shook his head.

“Dang it Uncle Bill!”

“Derek, be quiet and focus on the situation at hand. We have a talking pony in your house for crying out loud.”

“Actually,” the pony interrupted, looking a Tripp. “I’m an Alicorn. And Shiny is a —oh no, Shiny!” The pony quickly made her over to the other pony on the couch. Shaking him furiously, she tried waking him up. “Shiny, wake up!” she shook even harder. “Wake up!”

“You’re doing it wrong. Here, let me try,” Derek said. Getting off the couch, he walked over towards the sleeping pony and grabbed hold of one of his ears. Pulling it up slightly, Derek took a deep breath. “Wake up! Wake up! Your grandmother needs a clean diaper!”

This seemed to have worked, because the ponies’ eyes shot open and he jumped off the cough, and landed on his ‘rear end’.

“Nice job, bro,” Tripp complemented his friend.

“Thanks,” Derek replied, sitting down on the couch again. “My mom always yelled that at me when I wouldn’t wake up, or if I was in the shower. I think she even did it when my grandmother actually needed a clean diaper.” He replied. Turning his attention to the white pony which had landed on the floor (and who was currently rubbing his sore rear). “First things first,” he said, pointing a finger at the pony. “Are you a little man, or a little girl?”

The pony stared at him in confusion. “What?”

“Little man,” Derek said, snapping his fingers. “Got it.”

“What’s going on?” The white pony asked, turning his head to the pink pony. “Cadence?”

“I don’t know, Shiny,” The pink pony replied. “I just woke up to find these,” she motioned to Derek, who just waved at her, a big goofy smile planted on his face. “Things staring at us, and he,” she pointed her hoof accusingly at Derek. “Took my crown without my permission.”

“I did not!” Derek retorted, crossing his arms and pouting.

“Yes, you did.” Tripp retorted.

“It was just a coincidence!” Derek retorted, glaring at Tripp. With his arms still crossed and still pouting, he looked down at his feet.

“Right. Like when you fart and it smells. All a big coincidence.” Tripp said, sarcasm dripping from his voice.

“No,” Derek replied, turning his gaze back to Tripp. “Farting is an often audible discharge of intestinal gas. It’s perfectly normal for it to smell.”

“You know what farts are. But figuring out how many watermelons you have left; when you have ten, and take four. Is a problem?” Tripp said, crossing his arms and giving Derek an ‘am I right, or not?’ expression.

“I know that, it’s six,” Derek replied, turning his back to Tripp and counting his fingers. He turned to face Tripp again. “Yeah, it’s six.”

“Alright, will you please tell us who or what you are, and where we are?” The white pony asked, clearly getting annoyed.

“Chillax, bro,” Derek said, putting his arm around the pink pony that sat beside him. “We won’t hurt—ouch! She bit my finger, again!” Derek whined, looking at his finger

“Again?” the white pony asked, looking at the pink pony. “What did you do?”

“Oh for crying out loud, Shiny. It was self-defense!” The pink pony exclaimed, taking a quick glance at Derek. “He tried to touch me with those filthy things.” She said, motioning to Derek’s hands.

“Will everybody just shut up and listen to me!?” Tripp shouted, frustration and anger clearly present in not only his voice, but also his facial features. “Everybody just sit down and shut up. When a lot of people talk all at once, it usually means: shouting, screaming, fighting--”

“Karaoke means empty orchestra in Japanese.” Derek interrupted.

“Derek!”

“What?”

“Be quiet and listen!”

“’Kay.”

“Okay, let’s try this again,” Tripp said, looking at the two ponies. “My name is Tripp Klaus,” Tripp said, pointing at himself. “And that’s my best friend in the whole wide world: Derek Jefferson.” He said, motioning to Derek.

“What’s up little man and little girl?” Derek asked, smiling at them.

“My name is Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, friends call me Cadance.” Cadence said.

“Can I call you Cadance?” Derek asked.

“I don’t even know who you are. I just know your name, that’s it.” Cadance replied, staring at him with confusion.

“You’re right,” Derek said. “Then I’ll just call you: Pudding.”

“Why pudding?” Tripp asked.

Derek shrugged. “I figured I’d say the second thing that comes into my mind.”

“What was the first thing?” Tripp asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Trust me, you don’t want to know.” Derek replied, his facial expression turning into a serious one.

Tripp shook his head. Turning his attention back to the two ponies, he spoke up. “So Cadance and…” he trailed off.

“Shining Armor. Prince Shining Armor and the Captain of the Royal Guard.” the white pony replied.

“Shining Armor and Cadance, got it,” Tripp said, clapping his hands together. “Next question! What are you two doing in Derek’s house?” he asked, glaring suspiciously at the two of them.

“Wait,” Cadance said, turning her head to Derek. “This is your house?”

“Well actually it’s my grandfather’s house. But after some redecorating and his sudden death by a raccoon, it became my parent’s house,” he said, smiling at her. “Fun fact, raccoons like it when you haven’t showered for four day.”

Cadance raised an eyebrow at him. “I’m sorry, but I don’t follow.”

“Welcome to my life,” Tripp said, rolling his eyes. “But you still haven’t answered my question. What are you two doing in Derek’s house?”

Before Cadance could open her mouth, Shining Armor spoke up. “We woke up in your garden, we called out for help but we didn’t get it. So when we saw your house,” he turned to Derek. “We decided to enter. We were exhausted and I couldn’t just let my wife stay outside. We were going to explain the situation to the two of you. So when we heard voices coming from outside the house, we decided to greet you. But we were still very exhausted, and when we saw you—well, you know what happened next.”

“You fainted.”

“Karaoke means empty orchestra.”

“And the next thing we know, we wake up and see the two of you towering over us,” Cadance turned to Derek. “Sorry I bit you. You can call me Cadance, by the way.”

“Thanks, but I prefer Pudding.” Derek replied.

“And I prefer Cadance.” Cadance smiled.

“Pudding is fine with me.”

“Please, call me Cadance. I insist.”

“Pudding.”

“Cadance.”

“Pudding!”

“Cadance!”

Tripp gritted his teeth. “Just call her Cadance, dude!” he shouted, throwing his hands up in the air to make his exclamation even more intimidating. “Okay, so you entered his house without permission. That’s a crime. So what is preventing me from kicking you out of the house, right here, right now?”

“You wouldn’t dare to ‘kick out’ the Prince and Princess of the Crystal Empire, would you?” Cadance asked, a smug grin planted on her face. “We can make you two very happy—well, whatever you two are supposed to be. I don’t know what you are.”

“You know,” Tripp said, getting off his chair. “Here in the Netherlands we have a saying: Wie de bal kaatst, kan hem terug verwachten. Meaning that if you want to stay here, you shouldn’t make unnecessary threats.” Tripp said, giving Cadance an ever bigger smug grin than she did to him.

“The Netherlands? I’ve never heard of that nation before.” Cadance said, looking at her husband in confusion.

“Well up to this point; I had no idea talking ponies existed. But I’ve been proven wrong yet again.” Tripp retorted, holding his hand out to Derek, who gave him a high five.

“What are you two talking about? In what part of Equestria are we, and what are you?” Cadance asked, confusion and a hint of angst written over her face.

This time it was Tripp’s turn to be (more) confused. “Uh, well we’re people. Humans, Homo sapiens. And what is Equestria? Sounds like the name for a band.” Tripp replied. Noticing the mixture of confusion and shock planted on both of their faces, Tripp quickly spoke up. “Listen, wherever you claim to be, it’s not here,” he said, scratching his nose. “You’re in the Netherlands, not Equestria.”

“I don’t understand,” Cadance said, turning to Shining Armor. “What are they talking about?”

“Cadance,” Shining began, walking over to her and sitting down beside her. “We’re not in Manehatten anymore.”

This time it was Derek who gave the two ponies a confused look. “Are you saying you guys are aliens?”

“We’re ponies, not aliens,” Shining Armor corrected, glaring at him. “We’re not calling you aliens, now are we?”

“No, you called us ‘things’.” Derek replied, but not in an angered way. More in an ‘I’m so oblivious I didn’t even notice I insulted myself’ way. “We’re not things, we’re humans.”

Cadance’s ears perked up. “Humans?” she asked, scooting Shining Armor aside. “So that’s what you look like. Twilight did describe you, but seeing it for yourself is so much better.”

“These are the things Twilight encountered when she stepped through the portal?” Shining asked his wife, taking a quick glance at Tripp. “Pretty weird.”

“Says the guy with long hair, a white coat, and is wearing make-up.” Tripp retorted.

“I’m not wearing make-up!” Shining retorted, his glare intensifying.

“So these things are called ‘hands’?” Cadance asked, looking down at Derek’s hands.

“They sure are,” Derek replied, wiggling his fingers. “And these are called: Fingers. I use them to do all kinds of stuff. Pick my nose, make dinner, pick my nose again, eat dinner—oh, and pick my nose again. They are very useful.” He said, nodding his head up and down.

“This is weird,” Tripp said, motioning at the entire living room. “Two minutes ago you were all screaming and shouting, and now we’re having a civilized conversation.” Looking at Derek, he shook his head. “This must be a regular day for you.”

“Not really,” Derek replied, wiggling his fingers at Tripp. “These haven’t been into to my nose yet.”

“Let’s keep it that way,” Tripp said. The thought of Derek picking his nose again sent a shiver down his spine. Derek could do so pretty nasty things. He once ate a rotten banana, because his teacher that that if he did, he’d get sick. He probably took this as an opportunity to skip school, and he did skip school. Oh, did he skip.

“Shiny, I’m not feeling too good,” Cadance said as she dropped her head onto the soft pillow of the couch.

Shining Armor held his wife close to him, stroking her mane. “Just close your eyes, I’ll make sure you’re safe.” He whispered.

“And don’t worry,” Derek said, giving her a ‘thumbs up’. “We won’t do anything stupid. I promise.”

Cadance couldn’t help but smile a bit. Perhaps she misjudged them. Sure they looked a bit scary and weird. But they still let them sit on their couch, let her and her husband stay in their home, and (in some way) took care of her and her husband. But there was a bit of a problem. Her eyes felt heavy, really heavy. Placing her hoof on Derek’s lap and patting it, she smiled at him and closed her eyes.

“Bro,” Derek said, tugging at Shining Armor. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but it looks like your make-up isn’t doing a very good job.” He said in a serious tone.

Shining gritted his teeth, stating that he wasn’t wearing make-up, while Tripp and Derek retorted and said he was. And Cadance? Well, she just had a big smile panted on her face. She could wait a few more minutes before drifting off to sleep. Because hearing his husband get so aggravated over such a small thing was worth all the gold in Equestria… well, maybe not all of it.