Henshin!

by Alpha Scorpii

Rating: everyone
Tags: Alternate Universe, Human, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 3098

What if tokusatsu superheroes were bronies?

Imagine an alternate universe, an Earth similar to ours, but with superheroes. Would those superheroes become bronies, just like us? How would they balance their duties as crime fighters with their status as pony lovers? Probably not this way, but for the sake of comedy, let's roll with the stupidity!

-------------------

An affectionate parody of both Kamen Rider and the Brony culture. This is probably the stupidest fanfic I've ever written, and I apologize for it. Also a warning: contains censored swearing.

I'm Spanish, so expect to find a lot of grammar mistakes. Feel free to correct me at anytime.

Published 2012-06-03 00:34:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-03 00:34:01 UTC

Henshin!

Henshin!

Steve woke up. Wearily, he turned on the lights and looked at the old clock hung on the wall. He had overslept, it was already pretty late, but it was Saturday, so there was no rush. The young man stood up, yawned, and took a towel from the wardrobe.

On his way to the bathroom, he saw his mother on the living room, sitting on the couch and watching TV.

"Good morning, mom," said Steve. "I'm going to take a shower."

"Ok, deary," said his mother. "You've slept a lot today. Do you want breakfast?"

"What time is it?"

"Well, it is about to start..."

"Then, I'll just have lunch and breakfast at the same time, while we see it."

Steve entered in the shower, leaving his mobile phone in a stool. The little machine had to be always with him, since they could call him to work at any moment, even at weekends. Steve put himself under a stream of relaxing hot water, while praying for his mobile phone to remain silent for, at least, the following two hours. More, if it was possible.

The young man finished his shower. He dried himself, and then he returned to his room to put his clothes on. On all that time, the mobile phone didn't ring. Good.

However, as soon as he finished dressing, the machine whistled, to inform his owner that he had got a message.

"No!" groaned Steve. "Not today! Not now!"

Reluctantly, he took the mobile phone and read the message:

'They' are attacking the Technobabble Research Lab. Need Help.

Police Chief Ivan Gold

“Those sons of a...” mumbled Steve.

"What's the matter?" asked his mother, who had been alerted by the screams of frustrations of her son.

“I have to work," said the young man, frowning.

"Well..." his mother look the clock in the wall. "If you hurry, you'll be back in time to see it. You'll probably miss the first minutes, though."

"Can't we record it?"

"Our recorder is broken, remember?"

Steve sighed.

"Ok, I'll go," he said. "I'll do it fast, and I'll be back in ten minutes flat, less if I can. To save time, I'll go through the window."

And so he did. Steve went to the living room, opened the window, and jumped outside.

And, while he was falling, he shouted:

"Henshin!"

There was an explosion of green lightning, but none of the bystanders cared about that, it was something they were used to.

When Steve landed on the ground, perfectly, without any scratch or broken bone; his clothes were way, way different.

***

A wall of police cars was surrounding the Technobabble Research Lab, at the outskirts of Unnamedopolis. A column of smoke was coming from one of the broken windows. A the door of the building, which had been knocked down, three individuals were standing, defying the dozen of guns aiming to them.

Two of the these individuals were, apparently, normal humans, although dressing in white costumes, and wearing black helmets shaped like skulls. The third one, however, was a yellow blob monster, with its amorphous body full of eyes and tentacles. Each one of the two humans was carrying a wooden box.

“We take the results of the investigations!” announced one of them.

“They will be much useful to our purposes!” said the second. “All hail Black Skull!”

“All hail Black Skull!” exclaimed the first.

The policemen opened fire, but the blob monster moved its tentacles at ungodly speed and caught all the bullets. Then, it returned them.

The police officers hid behind their cars and covered their heads, as their own bullets perforated the windows of their vehicles.

"Why do they always attack us?" asked one of them. "Don't they know that there are more cities in the world?"

Then, something green and shinny came, running at highspeed. It jumped over the police cars, and landed right in front of the perpretators and their monster. It was another human in a costume, with a helmet that reminded the head of a bug, and wearing a blue scarf.

“You!” exclaimed one of the skull soldiers, raising a fist. “Curse you, Sasorider! You won’t defile our plans this time!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” groaned Sasorider. He was visibly annoyed by all that. “Look, I’d love to play our game, say my heroic boast, kick your asses and all that; but today I’m in a hurry. So, could you please just surrender?”

Sasorider was hit by a yellow tentacle and launched against one of the police cars. The hero stood up and groaned again.

“I hate my job sometimes...”

***

“Hey, I think he has finished...” said one of the police officers, once the sounds of punches and kicks stopped.

He and his comrades came out from behind their cars. Certainly, the hero had finished. The blob monster was at his feet, with all of its eyes black and its tentacles tied. The two skull soldiers weren’t better: one of them was half-buried in the ground, and only his legs could be seen. The other one, apparently, had been used by Sasorider to open a new window in the walls of the laboratory.

“Take them to the police station, gentlemen,” said the hero, who hadn’t got a single scratch. “By the way, what time is it?”

One of the policeman told him what time was.

“What?! Already?! Damn, I’m gonna miss it!”

And Sasorider ran away, disappearing from sight in a matter of seconds.

***

Would you think it’s weird to see a green-dressed hero running through the streets of your city? Yes, probably you would. However, for the inhabitants of Unnamedopolis, it was a common sight. Some of the bystanders even saluted Sasorider as he passed through, although he was too busy running to even notice them.

The hero finally reached the flat building where he lived. Sasorider pulled of a key from... somewhere in his costume, and opened the door of the portal, with his hands trembling

Without even de-henshin, Sasorider went up the stairs. He lived in the seventh floor, but he couldn’t wait for the elevator. There was no time for that.

Once he reached his floor, he took another key and tried to open the door, but he was too nervous.

"Come on..." he mumbled. "Come on, dammit! I'm gonna miss it!"

Then, he remembered that his mother was inside, so he just rang the bell.

"Hi, deary!" said his mother, opening the door. "How was it?"

Without answering, Sasorider rushed to the living room. He stood right in front of the TV, but...

"Now this was a great wedding."

"Oh, yeah? Just wait until you see what I’ve planned for the bachelor party!"

Everypony laughs.

Pretty fireworks.

Credits. Happy music.

“I’m sorry, deary,” said his mother. “I’m afraid you missed it.”

“But... but...” the hero was paralyzed. “But... the two episodes?”

“The two episodes. It’s a pity, I think they were the best episodes of this season. The songs were amazing, and we finally saw Twilight’s brother... Oh, and Luna appeared again! And she talked! And Colgate and Lyra talked, too! But don’t worry, deary, you can still watch them in Yout... Steve, where are you going?”

***

In the police station, the two skull soldiers and the blob monster, all of them handcuffed (tentaclehuffed in the case of the monster, but whatever) were being conducted to their cells, under the watchful eye of Ivan Gold, the Police Chief. The old man couldn’t help but smile at that sight. He still remembered when he was just a rookie, and everything they caught were mostly burglars and robbers, the usual stuff. Now, half of the cells were occupied by mutants and henchmen dressed like clowns.

The world had certainly changed, and those were weird times. But they were easy times, too. Sasorider was a great help, not only against the agents of Black Skull, but also against other criminals. As long as the hero kept doing his job so perfectly, they didn't have to worry about anything.

Suddenly, Sasorider entered in the police station, opening the door with a kick and almost breaking it. He pointed at the skull soldiers and the monster with a finger, and roared:

“I’M GONNA F@#&ING KILL THEM!”

Ivan facepalmed. Actually, they did have to worry about a few things.

Immediatly, all the police officers of the station grabbed Sasorider for the arms and the legs, trying to stop him, but without much success. The hero advanced, stomping furiously. The skull soldiers and the blob monster tried to hide behind a desk.

“You are dead!” shouted the hero, ignoring the mass of police officers which was slowing him. He extended his arms, trying to reach his victims. “I’ve missed the season finale, and it’s all YOUR FAULT! Now I’ll have to watch it on Youtube, and it takes at least one day for someone to upload an episode with good quality! I wanted to watch it on TV! IT WAS THE CANTERLOT WEDDING, AND I MISSED IT! I’LL KILL YOU!”

The skull soldiers and the blob monster were desesperately trying to climb the walls, begging for mercy.

The Police Chief took his mobile phone and, calmly, marked a number.

“Yes?” sounded a female voice at the other end of the line.

“It’s me, Ivan Gold. Sorry to bother you, Ms. Faust, but it has happened again.”

“I see. Put me with him.”

The old man approached Sasorider.

“Hey, kid...” he said.

“WHAT?!”, roared the hero.

“Lauren Faust wants to talk with you.”

All the rage of Sasorider vanished in a second, and the police officers released him, sighing in relief. The hero took the mobile phone and asked, with a shy voice:

“Y... Yes, Ms Faust?”

“...”

“Yes... I’m sorry, Ms. Faust...”

“...”

“I’m sorry. But they made me miss the Canterlot Wedding!”

“...”

“Yes, Ms. Faust, that's not an excuse.”

“...”

“You’re right, Ms. Faust, Pinkie Pie wouldn’t approve my behaviour. I’m sorry.”

“...”

“Thank you, Ms. Faust. Sorry to bother you.”

Sasorider gave the mobile phone back to Gold, apologized to everybody in the police station (including the skull soldiers and the monster), and then he left the place, crestfallen.

Above them, a small robot, disguised as a normal fly, had recorded everything.

***

Far, far away from the police station, in a dark and hidden place, an ominous meeting was taking place. Dozens of skull soldiers were looking at the big screen which was displaying the images of Sasorider, bursting in rage because he had missed something called ‘Canterlot Wedding.’

A dark, tall figure was standing in the middle of the room. His metallic head was shaped like a skull, and it looked like if he had fire in his eye sockets. Hellish fire.

“Interesting...” said the tall figure, in a bone-chilling voice. “Everytime we attack Unnamedopolis a Saturday around this hour, Sasorider goes angrier than usual. What is this ‘Canterlot Wedding’ he was talking about?”

“According to our computers,” said a skull soldier who was at... well, the computers, “it’s the final episode of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, the latest incarnation of the My Little Pony franchise.”

“Are you telling me that Sasorider, our mortal enemy, watches a show intended for little girls?”

“It’s not a show for little girls!” shouted a voice. Then, that same voice gasped.

All the skull soldiers turned their heads to look at one of them, who had covered his mouth (or rather, the mouth of his helmet) with his hands, albeit maybe too late.

“What did you say, soldier?” asked the dark, tall figure.

“Um...” the soldier gulped. “It... It is a pretty good show, actually. The animation is gorgeous, the music is amazing, and the characters are lovely. Sasorider is not the only adult who likes that show, a lot of people from around the world like it, too.”

“Including you?” asked another soldier.

“Um... yes...”

“Ah, so that’s why you wear a sticker of a blue pegasus in your helmet. I was wondering what was that about.”

“Very well,” announced the tall figure. “You will teach us everything we need to know about that show, soldier, so can we use it to defeat Sasorider once and for all!”

“Yes, Lord Black Skull.”

“We made it!”, announced the dark lord. “At last, we’ve discovered Sasorider’s weakness: ponies! Prepare, men, for the hour of our victory is near! All hail Black Skull!”

And a chorus responded:

“All hail Black Skull!”

“Well, I have to admit, that pegasus is kinda cute...”

***

“Is everybody ready?” asked Black Skull.

Yes, everybody was ready. All the skull soldiers and all the monsters had reunited in the cinema of the headquarters. Some of them had even brought popcorn to share with the rest.

“Good...” said the dark lord. “Now, let’s see why Sasorider has lost himself to such pitiful weakness as a girls’s show...”

And the video started:

"Once upon a time, in the magical land of Equestria..."

***

41 minutes 44 seconds after they started watching the first season...

"Isn't this exciting? Are you excited cause I'm excited I've never been so excited, well, except for the time that I went (gasp) but I mean really...”

Credits. Happy music.

“Well... it was pretty good, actually,” admitted one of the skull soldiers.

“I like Nightmare Moon’s style,” said a monster, a human-sized praying mantis. “Eternal night. We should do something like that.”

“I think I want a Fluttershy...” mumbled another monster, a wolfman.

“Focus,” said Black Skull. “Remember, we’re doing this to learn how to use the show against Sasorider. Put the next chapter. And pass me the popcorn.”

***

One hour, 26 minutes, 20 seconds after they started watching the first season...

“Over to the right. No no, a little to the left. Oh wait, back to the right. Now a little leftish while staying rightly. Stop. Hmm. Maybe a few inches to the south. Now a couple centimeters north. Okay. One more smidgimeter to the...”

“PINKIE PIE!”

A small chorus of shy laughs came from the skull soldiers and the monsters.

“The pink one is kinda funny,” said a skull soldier.

"And Rainbow Dash is cool,” said another skull soldier. “Now I understand why Jimmy has a sticker of her on his helmet.”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure that I want a Fluttershy,” mumbled the wolf monster.

“Focus,” growled Black Skull.

A wave of scrolls fell over an unsuspecting Celestia. There were more shy laughs.

***

Two hours, 39 minutes, 51 seconds after they started watching the first season...

“Can't hear ya, I'm asleep. Hgrn-shoe... Hgrn-shoe...”

“Why is Applejack dreaming about shoes?” asked a skull soldier.

“Who cares?" squealed the praying mantis. “She is so cute!”

“And Twilight is adorable!” said an octopus monster.

"Definitely, I want a Fluttershy,” announced the wolfman.

“She doesn’t appear in this episode.”

“I want one anyway.”

Black Skull facepalmed.

***

Three hours, 36 minutes, six seconds after they started watching the first season...

“Winter wrap up, winter wrap up...”

“Let’s finish our holiday cheer!” sang all the skull soldiers and all the monsters.

“Winter wrap up, winter wrap up...”

“Cause tomorrow spring is here!”

“Come on, Lord Black Skull!” said a skull soldier. “Sing with us!”

Black Skull just groaned. And they still had fifteen episodes to go through...

Four hours, 34 minutes, 21 seconds after they started watching the second season...

“My little pony, my little pony... Aaaah aaaah aaaah aaaah...”

“My Little Pony!” sang the skull soldiers and the monsters. “I used to wonder what friendship could be...”

“Enough!” roared Black Skull, standing up. “I can’t believe this! You, my soldiers, have fallen for a girl’s show! For talking ponies! This is pathetic, you don’t deserve to wear those skulls! And you’ve made me sit through that opening for every single episode! It’s always the same, you idiots, why do we have to hear it every time?! I’m only going to say this once: you’d better start forgetting about seeing anymore of those ponies, because...!”

“I just don’t know what went wrong...”

“HOLY F$&%ING CRAP, DERPY TALKED! I LOVE THIS SHOW!”

***One month later***

New York.

Another BronyCon was taking place. Hundreds of fans had reunited, taking photos with each other, sharing the experiences they had lived in the Brony community, buying pony-related things, selling pony-related things, etcétera.

A big and ominous bus stopped in front of the place, and an entire parade of monsters and skull soldiers descended from it. Their dark lord was at the head, of course. Black Skull approached the entrance.

“We’ve come to the BronyCon,” he said, to one of the two men at the door.

“Ok,” smiled one of them. “Come in, guys.”

The staff of Black Skull entered the building, most of them really excited about it.

“Are you crazy?” asked the other man who was at the door. “Why did you let them in? Look, they’re all monsters.”

His companion just rolled his eyes.

"Rookie, we'll see much weirder things than a bunch of monsters. This is the BronyCon, after all."

***

“Thank you, thank you!” said Sasorider, stepping down the scenario. “Thank you all for coming and for this warm welcome, it’s great to be here, you’re fantastic. Love and tolerance, everypony!”

The hero started to wander through the BronyCon, with his new plushie of Pinkie Pie in his hand. He had already signed autographs and posed for the photos, so he could relax now and enjoy everything around him.

The past month had been pretty quiet, Black Skull hadn’t attacked Unnamedopolis a single time since the incident of the Canterlot Wedding. Of course, that doesn’t mean Sasorider had been without job, since there were still robbers and other lesser criminals, but they were much, much easier to defeat than mutants and monsters.

Then, speaking of the devil, Sasorider saw a dark, tall figure not too far from him.

Black Skull saw the green hero.

The two of them approached each other, the tension could be felt in the air. Sasorider noticed the plushie of a gray pegasus in the hands of his sworn enemy.

“Derpy?” he asked.

“Yes, I like her. Pinkie Pie?”

“She’s my favourite.”

The two of them stared at each other for ten seconds. The hero. The villain. They were destined to meet sooner or later and fight to the death, and there they were. Antagonists. Opposites. The two of them under the same roof, with nothing stopping them for starting a duel, the duel.

What would they do?

“BROHOOF!”

"BROHOOF!"

HENSHIN! - END