A Friend Not Worth Having

by Streakofscarlet

Rating: teen
Tags: Discord, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Main 6, Drama, Trixie, Spike, Rainbow Dash
Length: 5385

Twilight's momentary stupidity causes a GREAT and POWERFUL mess.

After a day of work, Twilight Sparkle comes home to find her friends getting along perfectly fine with Discord. Of course, a control freak on Twilight's caliber would not buy this...

...and she doesn't.

Takes place during the second half of the fifth season (after EG3, before tomorrow's episode). This is probably the only story I'll post that uses the show's formula. At least, it's the only one I have planned.

Published 2015-10-24 15:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-10-22 21:56:39 UTC

Twilight's Great and Powerful Mistake

"Over here!"

Pinkie Pie's tail brushed against the castle floor before springing up and catapulting the ball over to her best friend. Rainbow Dash's athleticism was certainly giving her an advantage, but she considered it a fair game when she was playing with two reality-warpers.

Discord's teleportation spell worked effectively should the ball ever be sprung away from him. At least, he thought it was his spell. He didn't know if anyone ever invented the spell before he came into existence. Regardless of his lack of knowledge, Discord often gloated to Twilight that she often used a spell that he supposedly invented. From what Discord could make out from Twilight's self-mumbles, the spell was actually the third most basic spell modern unicorns master. Conjuring was decently harder, and flashy spectacles depended on how relevant they were to the unicorn's special talent. All in all, Discord had something on Twilight that the adolescent mare could not deny.

In fact, Discord had always assumed Twilight would be more cooperative with him after his rehabilitation, but surprisingly, Rarity, Applejack, and even Rainbow Dash had taken a liking to him earlier. Which was confusing, since Twilight had been pretty lenient on Sunset Shimmer, even though the element of magic gave her access to far more power than Discord ever could have during her demon phase. The only reason Sunset lost was because Twilight was able to awaken the Elements of Harmony inside the Rainbooms in a far smoother manner than the Mane Six.

Now, this sort of selectivity didn't hurt Discord, but he was planning on asking Fluttershy to have a stern talking to with Twilight and not take no for an answer. If Fluttershy could tame Discord, she can most certainly knock some sense into Twilight.

In fact, for whatever the title "Princess of Friendship" meant, Twilight didn't appear to have much favor for redemption. Nightmare Moon was a default thing, Trixie just went sucking up to Twilight before hanging out with pre-redemption Gilda, and even with Sunset Shimmer, Twilight just handed her over to the Rainbooms instead of telling her how magnanimous Princess Celestia is. Then, Gilda and Diamond Tiara hadn't been reformed with any of Twilight's involvement at all. And from what Rainbow Dash told him, Starlight Glimmer had been run out of her own town. Then again, this Starlight Glimmer sounded pure evil. Control freaks—they scared Discord. Despite Fluttershy's assertions that these thoughts were all in Discord's head, that Twilight had been on board with everything, and while Discord couldn't deny that... something just didn't seem right to him.

A few days ago, Twilight said that she "received messages from Sunset Shimmer", which was probably an excuse she had made up just to leave. To make sure she stayed true to her word, Discord had watched Twilight go through the portal, which she had seemed awfully delighted to do. Discord had found it somewhat hurtful but mostly amusing that Twilight was willing to travel to an alternate universe with Spike just to avoid him, so he had purposefully messed with her by putting temporal magic in the portal, sending Twilight and Spike on a wild adventure. Turns out that Twilight's excuse was legitimate after all. Discord never brought it up to Fluttershy.

Earlier today, Twilight had said she went outside for something to do with Princess Cadance's pregnancy. This time, it actually had been an excuse, but Discord refrained from doing anything in case of any unexpected legitimacy. Twilight was just walking around and analyzing her situation. She was just about to open the door to her castle before hesitating.

She thought about Discord. She thought about her other foes.

Sunset was one thing. She had become incredibly tearful and apologetic upon tasting the rainbow, but unlike Luna, she had enough self-confidence to fix her past mistakes instead of making herself look awkward on Nightmare Night. From what Sunset had told Twilight, the closest she had gotten to her past self was flipping her shit when Sci-Twi inadvertently put Rainbow Dash in danger. Sunset was truly willing to change her ways.

The Dazzlings, on the other hoof, were monsters by nature. If they wanted to be reformed, Twilight would have no objections. She would, however, be just as cautious around them as around Discord. They are, after all, self-proclaimed gods, basically hatred incarnate, and the driving force behind all things evil and sadistic...

There was no possible way Twilight would go up to them and ask, "Hey, wanna be friends forever?" They would probably just cause more damage if given half the chance. But if they ever want to be genuinely want to be reformed, Twilight could never deny them the chance. Not just because it's what Star Swirl the Bearded would've wanted, but because friendship is magic.

"Holy shit, that sounds cheesy." Twilight shook her head. This whole friendship motif got tiresome after two years. Hopefully, Sunset could renew it. She was, after all, nothing more than simply Twilight gone down a different path.

Twilight slapped herself. The fact that she could even dare think about imagining her friend as nothing more than a derivative of herself showed herself just how egocentric her mind had gotten. Where had this come from?

The worst part that Twilight couldn't understand: She KNEW this, and was by THAT more than anything. Maybe Moon Dancer was right about one thing. Maybe I really—

Twilight cut off that line of thought. She was just distracting herself from the earlier question.

Was it all because Twilight simply couldn't accept Discord?

No, that was ridiculous. Discord was easier to accept than Starlight Glimmer, who downright refused to see things from Twilight's perspective before trying to kill four of her former followers (and subsequently admitting she studied that spell for years). She had shut down Twilight during her friendship speech, she was forceful, and she didn't care about consent.

All because of her stupid little equality cult.

That part confused Twilight. Starlight had a perfectly good excuse for keeping her cutie mark, yet she was still evil? This whole "equality" thing was confusing, and not just because Starlight's idea of equality was not what equality truly is. Most cults Twilight had seen only had someone of higher power like Starlight solely for sex benefits. Twilight chuckled at the thought for a moment. But it was only for a moment. Her mind wandered back to the confused part, where she on the fact that Starlight acted this way over equality. Exceptionalism, she understood, but equality?

She really is pure evil, thought Twilight. But if she wants redemption, totally. No objections there... Hopefully, I can clear her mind of any misguided thoughts she had. Twilight's mind then wandered over to the thought of the unicorn who did indeed obsess over exceptionalism. Then, she frowned. Fuck Trixie, she thought. Fuck Trixie to Tartarus.

The mere thought of Trixie often brought Twilight to anger. Trixie had been that way since they were fillies, always disgusted at the fact that she shared the same father. She often accused Twilight of not wanting to share ponies close to her, something that Twilight always scoffed at. And Trixie still hadn't matured today.

Was Trixie deserving of redemption? No. If she wanted it, Twilight would definitely say no. No matter what, the stuff between her and Trixie was full of bad blood. And after all that Trixie had done, there was no way that the egomaniac could be described as anything but the filth of existence.

Of course, the sudden bang on Twilight's head by the bucket of water falling from the door made Twilight reconsider if befriending Trixie was really more of a bad idea than the scene in front of her.

Once Twilight telekinetically tossed the bucket aside and magically dried herself, she stared on in disbelief. There was her six friends... and Discord... laughing together?

The seven of them had pranked her, no surprise. But they were all enjoying it together. And no one was cringing at the sight of Discord.

What happened while she was gone? One minute, everyone was still dwelling on everything Discord had done, and the next minute, everyone was happily playing with him?

The fuck?

No... there is no fucking way...

"Um... hey, guys. I'm back."

Rainbow composed herself before walking beside Twilight. She then held her hoof to her chest, spread out her wings, closed her eyes, and lifted her muzzle. "And our princess has arrived, in her full glory."

Twilight looked at her prismatic friend. "That's not funny."

Rainbow sighed. "Fine." She then assumed the ridiculous posture once more. "And our control freak has arrived, in her full pretentiousness."

Twilight frowned. "That also wasn't funny."

Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Do I look like Discord to you?"

"No, you look like a pony whose name is a portmanteau of 'Rainbow', an aerial phenomenon consisting of a bow or arc of prismatic colors appearing in the heavens opposite the sun and caused by the refraction and reflection of the sun's rays in drops of rain, and 'Dash', a violent or rapid blow or stroke."

"...Thanks for taking the awesomeness out my name, Egghead. Really appreciate it."

"Glad I could help," replied a smugly satisfied Twilight.

Despite Twilight's momentary pride, she couldn't help but notice that Rainbow's head had lowered slightly. "Um, Discord?"

Discord looked up from his spontaneously knitting and lowered what looked like Rarity's reading glasses. "Yes?"

"I... don't feel like pranking anymore. Wake me up in a few hours." With that, Rainbow flew over to her throne. The mare curled up and closed her eyes. The unicorn with the eye for detail couldn't help but notice a single tear shed from Rainbow's left eye.

"Um, Twilight?"

"What is it, Rarity?" asked Twilight, hoping to get away from all this weirdness.

"You might want to take a look at this."

Twilight teleported over. She glanced at Rainbow's curled up form. The mare was cringing, and her eyes were visibly flooding.

Twilight gasped. "Oh... oh, my..." Twilight looked at her friends (except Discord) for any sort of explanation she could receive for why the tough girl had just broken down in an instant.

Fluttershy stepped forward. She opened her mouth but instantly closed it.

"Fluttershy?" asked Twilight as she turned from Rainbow's sobbing form over to the shy Pegasus.

Fluttershy squeaked. "Um, well, you see... It has to do with her mother."

Twilight raised an eyebrow. "Her mother?"

"Um, well..." Fluttershy took a deep breath before looking from behind her mane. "To start with... Rainbow Dash isn't this pony's birth name..." Fluttershy sighed. What had a harmless prank suddenly spiraled into?

Rainbow's Great and Powerful Prank

"Wha... What?!"

Twilight stuttered. Rainbow wasn't Fluttershy's friend's name? What the fuck?

No, that wasn't the appropriate reaction. But before Twilight could hit herself for that again, Fluttershy continued.

Fluttershy continued. "Well, her mother... she's dead."

"Yes, I know that," said Twilight slowly.

Fluttershy cringed. "Well... I don't know what Rainbow Dash's name at birth was, but, long story short, her mother died trying to pull off a sonic rainboom. When the mach cone closed... it crushed her lungs and made her black out. She fell to the ground, well, violently."

Spike looked up. "What do yo mean 'violently'?"

Fluttershy stood a little taller. "On her way down, there was a pony walking. Sunflower, I think her name was?" The Pegasus looked at Applejack.

"That's mah cousin. Daughter of Aunt and Uncle Orange."

Fluttershy nodded. "Let's just say that she was in a comatose state for quite some time.

"The stunt of the sonic rainboom was a scientific theory that her mother was trying to prove. It was described similarly to how you just described rainbows, Twilight. And the collision with Sunflower was described similarly to... what you said.

"After that, Rainbow Dash's name was legally changed to what it is now by her father for whatever reason he had, and I never brought this up ever again. Whenever Rainbow has to sign legal papers... the description of her name always reduces her to tears."

Twilight's eyes widened. "But... but I didn't know! How was I supposed to--"

"Remember her eighteenth birthday?" asked Fluttershy, a lot bolder than before. "The one where we met Cheese Sandwich? The one celebrating Rainbow's tenth year since moving to her house here in Ponyville? Have you even looked at Rainbow's house? Have you ever wondered why it's so whimsical and fantastic despite her tough attitude? Because from whatever money her father received, he built that house as a monument to his dead wife! Have you ever wondered why Rainbow's father was so willing to let one of the weather factory workers take her in after she pulled off the sonic rainboom? Because he needed a place for Rainbow to stay until she was old enough to move in!"

Twilight took a step back. "I... I didn't know!"

"Now you do."

Twilight looked around. All of her friends were frowning, except Rainbow Dash, who was still curled up and sobbing. Pinkie Pie had a more disappointed frown than the rest. Discord was also somewhere up there.

Twilight, not knowing what else to do, bathed her horn in its signature pink glow and disappeared. Once she left, Rainbow Dash cautiously opened one eye, then the other. Then, her wings sprung open, and she shot into the air while laughing."

"Oh...oh, mare, just.... BWAHAHHAAHA."

Her friends all had there moment to revel in their successful prank. Discord flew up and hoof-bumped Rainbow Dash. Pinkie Pie was laughing the loudest. "She... she completely bought it!"

Once the laughter had died down, Discord was the last one chuckling. "Ms. Dash, I had no idea you were such an emotion leech! But if I may ask, how did your mother really die?"

Rainbow Dash landed and tucked her wings. "Well, the true story is... much, much grittier than what Fluttershy said. Just... I don't want to talk about it."

Discord nodded. "Okay then. Now, what prank do want to play next?"

Rainbow's wings unfolded with excitement. "Oh, I got a great one planned! You see..."

Discord listened, and so did the rest of the ponies. Spike, however, walked over to the portal. His gaze traveled up the the journal powering it. I hope Discord removed the temporal magic from this. Honestly, what was he thinking? Spike shook his head.

"And this is the throne room, where there are seven thrones for us."

Spike looked up to find Twilight walking into the room as if she was guiding somepony. When the pony she was guiding came into view, Spike growled and looked at the pen he was holding. Spike left, knowing what would take the pen's place shortly.

When Trixie looked over at Twilight's friends, each and every one of them scowled. Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy had the deepest scowls. Fluttershy in particular stepped behind Rainbow Dash and unfurled the athlete's wings to obscure Trixie's view of her.

Despite Rainbow Dash's fuming expression, Discord couldn't help but chuckle, lean over, and whisper. "You know you are not welcome when Fluttershy isn't hospitable to you."

Applejack marched straight up to Twilight. "Sugarcube, why would ya' bring that arrogant smack-talker here?"

Despite Twilight's supposed poised expression, she had to cock her head at Applejack. "Rainbow Dash practically lives here, but I don't see you complaining about her... anymore at least."

"Does Rainbow Dash fit the description ah just said?" asked Applejack, drawing Rainbow Dash's attention.

Under normal circumstances, Twilight would have been more than happy to answer that question, but Rainbow Dash's steely gaze aimed at her caused her to hold back the snark she had in mind. "Um... no?"

"Good. Now stop changing the subject."

Twilight cleared her throat. AJ can see right through me. "Well, you see, I did some thinking."

"And what was that?" asked Rainbow, all eyes on her. "Were you planning on bringing her here so we can roast her? Oh, can I start?" Rainbow turned to Trixie. "Were you born on that hill that buses are always careening down, 'cause that's where most accidents happen!"

Trixie growled. Then, she smirked. "No matter how much you comb your mane, no matter how many transplants you get, no matter how many times you bang a mare's brains out, you'll never be the stallion your mother is!"

Everyone took a step back in shock. With the exception of Twilight, everyone knew how sensitive about her mother's death Rainbow Dash was. Rainbow looked like she was ready to get violent.

"You wanna DANCE, braggart?!"

"Oh, Trixie knows how desperate you are for someone like her, but Trixie has much higher standards than this... psuedo-stallion."

"Oh, yeah? Well, your act stinks so bad, it makes even monsters run for shelter!"

"...How dare you?!"

"In fact, you're so unwanted, your birth certificate is an apology from a condom factory!"

...Why did I ever let Sunset show them what the Internet is?

Twilight cringed The rest of Rainbow's friends threw their heads back in laughter. Discord in particular flew up next to Fluttershy and let out an uproarious laugh.

Trixie looked livid. "And what are you laughing at!?"

Discord swished his tail. "Why, that was the most massive burn I've heard in aeons."

"Well, quit it! You'd better think before you laugh at the Trix...ie Lulamoon!"

Fluttershy flew right up in Trixie's face. "Oh, yeah? Well ha, ha."

"Quit it!"

"No. Ha, ha."

"Quit it!"

"No. Ha ha-ha ha ha."

Realization dawned on Twilight, as well as a twinge of familiarity. That's the same laugh from when... Twilight scowled in Discord's general direction. Given her newfound "confirmation", Twilight telekinetically pulled Trixie and Fluttershy apart. Before putting Fluttershy down, Twilight turned the older mare upside down before running her hoof and magic along every inch of Fluttershy's body. As Twilight went around the wings and between the legs, Fluttershy made a conscious (albeit failed) effort to keep her wings down. Once Twilight set Fluttershy down, she finally spoke again. "Now girls, let's not resort to verbal assaults."

"You know what?" came Rainbow Dash's voice. "Twilight's right. We should use physical assaults instead."

Before anyone could react, Applejack found her hair being tossed in Rainbow's wake as the prismatic Pegasus' hooves made contact with the egomaniac. Trixie was flung across the room before landing quite a bit away.

"R-Rainbow!"

"You're right, Twilight! That wasn't hard enough! Let me try again!"

"No, I mean let me explain!" Twilight grabbed Rainbow in her telekinesis before doing just that.

"I'm listening," grumbled Rainbow. This better be good.

But Trixie wasn't about to let Rainbow get the last word. "That was a fail," she said after getting back up.

"So was your dad's condom," said Rainbow Dash from inside Twilight's hold. Rainbow saw Twilight wince. Yeah... let that sink in, Twilight!

"Trixie hopes you choke on that bullshit you talk!"

"I don't talk you."

"The bitch department called. They ran out of you."

"Your family tree must be a cactus because everyone on it is a total prick!"

Once again, Twilight winced, much to Rainbow's supposed delight.

Author's Note

Sunset showing them the Internet will be its own story.

Lesson Learned (Discord)

Discord fidgeted. He didn't know Trixie, but from what he had heard, she was the exact opposite of Starlight Glimmer. Which would have been a good thing, since control freaks like Starlight were the bane of Discord's existence, but Rainbow had told Discord how Trixie bragged and bragged and bragged... without backing it up. Now, someone like Discord would have responded to this by having a little... "fun" with Trixie, but it was the thing that Trixie bragged about that miffed Discord.

Claiming to be the most powerful being in Equestria was a very heavy claim from where Discord stood. He was not just going to stand there and let some nopony claim that label.

Lost in his introspection, Discord snapped out of it when he felt Rarity nudge him with her hoof. Discord looked over to where Twilight was standing, only to find that she wasn't there anymore. Which wasn't very surprising, considering the fact that Discord was in the room, and Twilight made any excuse she could come up with to leave. Though, the fact that Twilight had left them with Trixie wasn't helping Discord's opinion of Twilight.

Discord looked at Rarity, which normally would have had the unicorn cringing until someone stroked her ego in whatever cheesy fashion. Instead, Rarity looked back at Discord. Discord still couldn't believe that Rarity was more well-adjusted to him than Twilight. The Princess of Friendship was apparently having a harder time sharing her friends than Rarity. Discord had been wont to this friendship thing for less than a year, and this thing with Twilight needed to be fixed. Which wasn't easy, considering Twilight practically refused to talk to him.

So, Discord took the first course of action. "Where's Twilight?" he asked Rarity.

Rarity appeared to have no hesitation. "She said she needed to go for a walk to 'think'. The poor dear must be regretting her decision to bring that dreadful monstrosity of a unicorn here. I can't hold it against her."

Discord pondered that thought. "Think"? That's it? That's the best excuse Twilight could come up with? It's as if she didn't even care about sparing Discord's feeling anymore. If there was any time when Twilight was just grasping at straws, this was it.

Discord growled. Twilight was one thing. Rarity, on the other hand, just willingly told Discord what Twilight was doing. There really wasn't any other answer to what was the source to Twilight's insecurities around Discord other than not being able to share her friends. Still, what was it about Discord that put off Twilight so much?

Since Fluttershy was seemingly having a conversation with Rainbow Dash, Applejack was... hogtying Trixie, and Pinkie Pie was just sitting on her throne with a grumpy expression, Discord asked that very question to the pony next to him. "Rarity?"

"Hm?"

"Have you noticed something?" Here goes nothing...

"About what? How Twilight appears to have been snubbing you?"

Discord's reaction to that assumption was his eyes melting and subsequently freezing, a reaction that Rarity seemed to have been expecting. Her hoof prodded the yellow "ice". Hmm... It's quite cold...

"H-How did you..."

"Please, darling," said Rarity, who, much to Discord's surprise, put the ice back in Discord's eye sockets. "Anyone with my eye for detail can clearly see you're upset about that. For one thing, no one even asks where Twilight goes when she excuses herself. We just let her do her own thing. But since you're the only one who asked, especially after she has been repeatedly excusing herself to leave, it's quite clear what's going on. For another thing, you looked quite hurt when I told you the reason why she left.

"I would have done something about this sooner, but I waited for Fluttershy to do something first, seeing as though she could communicate with you better than the rest of us can."

Discord stopped listening for a moment to look at whatever Applejack was doing. Once he saw, he slowly turned back to Rarity, seeing as though petty brawls like the one AJ was having with Trixie didn't interest him.

"I suppose I should have said something sooner," continued Rarity. "I will do that soon."

Discord was a little surprised. "Thanks, but I already asked Fluttershy to."

"Mmm. I suppose Fluttershy would be your first option."

"Yes, she would... Tell me, Ms. Rarity, why would you want to do something like that?"

"Because I have no reason not to, and Twilight has no reason to be so hostile to you. I mean, yes, we can all agree you did more harm than good during the Tirek incident, but you did help and learned something from it. You are simply making more advances in your friendship experiences, just like Twilight. It's simply in your own... unique and new way.

"You know, you and Twilight have a lot more in common than you think."

Discord sat down. "Oh? And what's that?"

Rarity flipped her mane to the other side of her horn and smiled. "You both had the experience of someone with no friends having friends for the first time, which is where that difference in ways come from. So Twilight's situation has nothing to do with that."

Discord smiled. "Thanks, Rarity. I needed that."

"You're welcome. Now, if you excuse me, I have to give that blue braggart a piece of my mind!"

Discord rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on, Rarity. Rainbow Dash isn't that bad."

Why does Rarity want to live here? She is nothing like these ponies!

Upon teleporting to Canterlot after his conversation with Rarity, Discord couldn't help but prank a few ponies. Unfortunately, each and every one of them besides the manager of Canterlot Carousel turned out to be complete killjoys. Discord wanted to see if everypony in Rarity's dream home was as uplifting and inspiring as Rarity, which turned out not to be the case.

Discord tried to imagine what Twilight's answer would be. Because Rarity is an egotistical elitist who cares naught for anyone who inconveniences her unless it inconveniences someone she doesn't like. To her, friendship is only magic when it's easy. Hard to believe I'm friends with her more than with Discord. Discord knew full well that this was inaccurate as to what Twilight truly thought of Rarity, but at the same time, he couldn't help but feel it was so... natural.

Meanwhile, he was contemplating on going to the Crystal Empire and asking Cadance or Shining Armor just what Twilight's problem was, but he thought briefly. I'm already in Canterlot, why not Cay-Cay?

"Hey, Discord!"

Discord looked back to where the (rather adorable) voice was coming from. Standing there was Ponyville's mail carrier... who was also on the weather team or something.

Discord raised an eyebrow. "And your name is?"

"Derpy Hooves. Here. Take this letter."

Discord levitated the letter over before reading it. Or, more specifically, not reading it. "It's blank. Who sent me a blank letter? In fact, how is this even addressed to me? No one knows where I live."

"Well, every time somepony tries to deliver a letter to you, they never come back. So I decided to go looking for you personally."

Discord's facial features went flat. "In Canterlot?"

"Anyway, how many deliveries have you gotten to your actual home?"

Discord pondered that for a moment. "Actually, never."

Derpy frowned. "That's odd. We've sent tons of blank letters to you, yet nothing got delivered?"

"Yes..." Discord did a double take. "What did you just say?"

"You never received any deliveries from Ponyville's mail service."

"That's not what you just said!"

"Well then, what did I say?"

"You said, 'We've sent tons of blank letters to you, yet nothing got delivered?'"

"..."

"..."

"...Okay."

"Well?" pressed Discord.

"Well what?" asked Derpy.

"Well?!"

"You pointed something out that I just stated. Okay."

Discord facepalmed. This wasn't worth it. But still... "Why are these letters blank?"

"Tax breaks," replied Derpy.

Discord groaned. Then, he realized something. "Hey, Derpy?"

"Yes?"

"Have you ever had to deal with a whiny or petulant pony?"

"Take from a mother, Discord. YES!"

"Well, you see... Actually, no, this might be easier."

Before Derpy could ask, Discord tapped her on the head. Derpy felt something going through her mind before getting the full story. "Oh... okay." When Discord backed up, Derpy started explaining. "You see, what Twilight has is the inability to share her friends. Since she is someone who barely had any friends as a filly, it's probably a new thing for her, especially when it concerns you.

"You asked Fluttershy to talk to her? That might work. After all, your best friends do know how to reach out to you and knock some sense into you. For this particular problem with Twilight, she seems like the kind of pony with an analytical mind. The best option appears to be to start by talking to her. And I mean talk. Once you get that out of the way, try subtly diffusing the situation so that Twilight can realize how wrong she is. I can tell you how to handle her and how to go about it, but the specific problem is something I've never been in, so I can't help you there.

"And as for Trixie, well, sorry, but I managed my entire life to simply stay away from ponies like her. Can't help you there."

"It's fine," said Discord. "I think I know what to tell Twilight's friends now. Goodbye, Derpy."

"Ah! Discord, wait!"

"Hm?" Discord stopped himself mid-teleportation.

"Can you take me to Rainbow Dash's home? Since you can teleport and all."

"Meh, why not? Beats being in the same room as Trixie."

Derpy hovered in thought for a moment. "Why did Twilight bring Trixie to the castle to begin with?"

Discord shrugged. "I don't know. I was kind of lost in thought during her explanation before Rarity snapped me out of it. Anyway, you wanted to go to Dash's house? Why?"

"I have a letter to deliver!"

Surprise, surprise.

"Wow! This looks amazing!"

"Meh," said Discord. "Seen it before."

Derpy was marveling at Rainbow's bed... or the nearby couch; Discord couldn't tell with those eyes. The mare had been so taken with the whole house that she insisted Discord stand guard while she marveled at everything inside. Discord would have told her that this was practically illegal, but if he stopped to think about consequences for everything, he wouldn't do anything.

"Hey, Discord?" called from Derpy inside the house.

"Yes?" replied Discord. He then realized that Derpy probably wouldn't be able to hear him when he was swimming in rainbow-colored liquid, so he surfaced and replied again. "Yes?"

"Do you know why this place is so whimsical and fantasy-like? I mean, it doesn't match Rainbow Dash's attitude at all."

Discord sighed. "I don't know what's more pathetic; the fact that you're only realizing this now, or the fact that you trespassed to find out."

"So... no?"

"No... by the way, I called the police an hour ago. They'reherenowbye!"

"Wait, what?" But when Derpy looked up, she found that Discord had been replaced by several police ponies."

Derpy chuckled. "Uh... see yeah!"

When Discord reappeared inside Twilight's castle, the sight before him would have been normal... had he caused it.

A pink blur zoomed past him and in the direction of the entrance, followed closely by a lighter pink laser. The pink blur subsequently stopped, and Pinkie Pie angrily swatted three pink lasers over to the left wall, leaving scorch marks forming the shape of a vertical eye, another vertical eye, and a smiling mouth respectively on every emphasized word.

Cause Ilove to see you BEAM BEAM BEAM! Yes I do!

Discord grabbed Pinkie, dodging the next laser, which incinerated the door. Discord took a good look at the scene in front of him. Rarity was running around every which way, Fluttershy was chained to her throne, Trixie was standing on top of the map while firing laser after laser in everyone's general direction, Spike was tripping Trixie up by running into her, and Applejack was trying (and failing) to keep Rainbow Dash from trying to get caught up in it.

Once Discord set Pinkie Pie down, he said the first thing that came to mind.

"What the buck happened in here?!"

Delay

Author's Note

I am so sorry about the huge delay for the last chapter. I never forgot about the story, and originally, I wasn't even going to make it more than one chapter (before I decided it was too long). Nothing has changed about the story, and I WILL update this before the year is over, but to be completely honest, ever since No Second Prances aired, I haven't felt the drive to complete it that I did before then.

I will tag this story as a sequel to my other one for reasons that will be made clear eventually, but for the time being, enjoy the revisions I made to the previous chapters.