The Mother And The Mule - Season 1

by Jesse Coffey

Rating: everyone
Tags: Other, Comedy, Rarity, Applejack, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1971

What happens when a smart, pretty, clean mare meets a dumb, ugly, smelly mule? No offense, but you'll need to read this to find out! Created by Dana Woolery, aka Dyslexic Foal.

In this, the first season of this new sitcom, Rarity has finally been convinced by Applejack to add a colt in order to even the family! The colt, as sent forth by the Adopters of Canterlot, is a quiet, quirky mule who was freed from his druggy family a while ago. Rarity, a mare with notable respect for all different cultures and religions, subsequently gets pestered by a nasty side of her that makes her quite uncomfortable with having a mule for a son, such that her new task is to try and learn to be a good mother to colts and mules. And she's the one who'll have to learn how to understand them!

Created by Dana Woolery, AKA the Dyslexic Foal.

Published 2016-01-26 00:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-02 17:49:14 UTC

Pilot

Once upon a time in a section of Equestria called Mulas, there lived a little colt. His name was Matt. His parents were addicted to drugs, which naturally made his life uncomfortable. Some of his parents were Bolshevik, supporting the ideology created earlier in the 20th century by Vladimir Lenin and Alexander Bogdanov. His parents being the drug addicts they were, he was bullied by them as an infant and probably as an early toddler . . . although his mother was as good at lullabies as Fluttershy was. "Somewhere my love, there will be songs to sing . . . " she sang to him at night. Later on, when he was two, his parents deprived the family tree of his older brother and sister, who were taken away by Foal and Filly Services. This left him an only child - and still a victim of suffrage from his demonic parents.

It was a few weeks ago today, in fact, that they decided they couldn't handle him anymore and sold him off to the Foal and Filly Services. He's now at the Adopters of Canterlot, and today, an earth pony and a unicorn are going to visit the Adopters of Canterlot.

PONYVILLE, EQUESTRIA
October 25, 1987

At this period of time, Applejack and Rarity are having a delightful conversation about their religion.

"I see it now. I've been converted. You're Hebrew, right?" questions Applejack.

"Yes. I've always been Hebrew. What's the matter with that?" remarks a slightly bewildered Rarity.

Applejack explained, "Well . . . um . . . as of a year ago, hee hee, I'm Hebrew too! That's makin' two of us! Say now, I have a brother, and I have a sister. My family's cousins, like you, have always been Hebrew, so it only makes slight sense if now my brother, my sister, and myself, are Hebrew too! But let's get to the earlier part of the second sentence, because I see that you have a sister too, right?"

Rarity then explains, "Yes. My Sweetie Belle has one of the loveliest voices ever shared throughout Equestria, as does your sister's cousin, Babs. Lately the latter's been at a lovely second place among her age group as far as her race goes. But, sadly, my sister's not enjoying any success height currently."

At that point Applejack is slightly bewildered by the length of her statement regarding Sweetie Belle. "Um . . . that was unnecessarily draggy and boastful, but honest as I am. Well, how about we go up to Canterlot and look for for any colts you can adopt as your brother!"

"Why . . . that's wonderful! Wonderful!", exclaims Rarity, who references a song lyric. "And I know just the place!"

She then shows her a rather strange, some might say Cousin Oliver-type ad for an adoption agency in Canterlot, as placed in, of all magazines, COSMARE.

When you're looking for a foal or a filly
We won't stand around acting silly
We will get you a colt and a filly
That will make you very very happy!

Adopters of Canterlot

78 East Filly's Lane
Canterlot 10CAN

COSMARE, DECEMBER 1987

ADOPTERS OF CANTERLOT
The guys who put together that sickeningly
sweet ad in Cosmare!

Whilst they were in this location, Rarity and Applejack were greeted by its friendly owner.

"Hello! My name is Irene Medato. How may I help you?"

Applejack explains her situation to the store owner. "Well . . . Rarity thought I'd go to you guys. I thought that since I have a brother and little sis, as I put it, and that since Rarity has a little sis too, I know, it would make sense if Rarity also had a brother."
"Would you kindly show us to available colts?"

Medato nods. "I may certainly do that."

Medato shows them to the section of their store labeled "Colts". It has lots of poor colts desperate for a better life than the one they were brought up in before. One colt that strikes their fancy in particular was a sad-looking one from a poorer part of Equestria.

"This is Matt. Matt's parents lived in one of Equestria's poorer parts. His parents were addicted to drugs and some relatives were Bolshevik. Foal and Child Services have also taken his older brother and sister away. He is desperately looking for new parents who aren't like that. I'm thinking you're probably interested in this young colt."

Applejack said, "That sounds really really really really really really really really"

"What?" says Rarity.

Applejack continues, "really really really really really really really really"

"What?" says Rarity.

Applejack continues, "really really really really really really really really WONDERFUL!"

Rarity, a bit more confused at the unnecessarily long length of Applejack's statement, looks at the mule rather reproachfully. "I have a bad, bad feeling about this . . . this . . . THING!"

Applejack asked Rarity, "What should you suggest we do about it? You're a pony that's always been known for respecting anybody regardless of race, gender, species, whatever . . ."

Rarity, with enough of a sense of humor to chuckle, replied: "Hrm . . . you are right madame . . . I'll . . . bring this one colt home with me. I'll try my best and my hardest to be a good mother to him. But I . . . don't see my friend Applejack in the father role and I similarly don't see myself in the mother role.”

"Oh. Well, in any case, that would be $19.42, lady", explains Medato.

Rarity reluctantly takes $19 and 42 cents out of her own pocket to give to Medato.

"Uh . . . Thank you. Thank you for giving me a wonderful colt to take care of. I promise to love it tenderly and kindly.”

"You're very very welcome. And I kinda hope you do love it - er, him tenderly and kindly." Rarity says to Medato.

This pilot concludes with a cameo appearance by Coco Pommel, one of Rarity's friends. She makes a closing sentence here:

"And with that, Matt has become a proud member of Rarity's and Applejack's family. But there are still some issues with colts and mules that Rarity needs to work out. And we'll go over them all as this season - rather, this program, progresses. Who knows? Matt doesn't even have a Cutie Mark yet...he could join THEIR group! Perhaps he'll also get to school and maybe get an education. Or maybe he can do what I do: He just sits here reading things like this." The announcer chuckles. "Now that you've seen this with me, I'll let you know that we will begin a regular run in November. Until then, adios, au revoir, and auf wiedersehen. My name is Coco Pommel, and I'm Rarity's Watcher."

Coco then winks for two seconds, blows a kiss to the viewer a la Dinah Shore, and then the show fades to black and the credits scroll up, followed by company logos.

Author's Note

LARA'S THEME
(from Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer's ''Doctor Zhivago'')
by Maurice Jarre
English Lyrics by Paul Francis Webster

CREDITS:
Written, Produced and Directed by
JESSE COFFEY

[at end, scroll:]

Starring

RARITY BELLE

APPLEJACK SMITH

RUMBLE as MATT

Executive Producer for JCP

JACOB BADING

Editorial Supervision

DANA WOOLERY

Associate Producer

JERRY LONDON

Music

JOHN MORRIS

Director of Photography

WILLIAM JURGENSON

Art Director

HOWARD HOLLANDER

Video Tape Editor

RALPH ROSENBLUM, A.S.C.

Assistant Director

FLOYD JOYNER

Unit Production Manager

W.A. CALIHAN

Set Decorator

JAMES DALTON

Make-up

ARMAND DELMAR

Costumes

GENE COFFIN

Post-Production Supervisor

HOUSLEY STEVENSON

Music Supervisor

FELIX GIGLIO

Sound Editor

JAMES L. KLINGER

Production Mixer

WALLACE BEARDEN

Re-recording Mixer

GORDON L. DAY, C.A.S.

UNIVERSAL TITLE

COPYRIGHT © MCMLXXXVII BY UNIVERSAL CITY STUDIOS, INC. AND JESSE COFFEY PRODUCTIONS, INC.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

THE CHARACTERS AND EVENTS DEPICTED IN THIS PHOTOPLAY ARE FICTITIOUS.
ANY SIMILARITY TO ACTUAL PERSONS, LIVING OR DEAD, OR TO ACTUAL
EVENTS, IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.

THIS MOTION PICTURE IS PROTECTED UNDER THE LAWS OF THE UNITED STATES
AND OTHER COUNTRIES. UNAUTHORIZED DUPLICATION, DISTRIBUTION OR
EXHIBITION MAY RESULT IN CIVIL LIABILITY AND CRIMINAL PROSECUTION.

[JCP Television animated logo]

Muddy Water

On the television, Matt sits down and plays a video game. It's the popular Super Mario Bros.; Matt likes to play that game a lot.

A worried Applejack looks at him via the window and says, "Poor little fella. The small colt is all by himself. He seems so lonely."

"Indeed, he does. Isn't that sad?" Rarity tells Applejack, in a mournful tone.

"You know, you could solve this problem." Applejack states.

"Really?" Rarity asks. "How could I do that?"

Explains Applejack, "For starters, where did your time with him go? Why don't you go have some mother son bounding time? mean you spend a lot a time with the fillies."

Rarity explains to Applejack, "I've ordered so many things lately. I think that took what would've been the time with him away from me."

"Family Time is ALL the time!" Applejack exclaims. "Do you not love him at all?"

"Of course I do. It's my understanding that I love this--"

Applejack interrupts Rarity's explanation by saying "If you love him, then go play with him!"

All of a sudden, Rarity has been shoved forward.

Softly but happily, Matt's stops playing his video game and sees Rarity on the floor.

"Hi Ma Ma." Matt says the first time he sees her.

"Hi Buddy" Rarity says, keeping a polite tone amid the jarring incident that saw her get shoved right into the house. "What have you been doing lately?"

"Uh, uh, I've been playing with action figures" Matt explains to Rarity.

"Action figures?"

"Yes. G.I. Joe, Rambo, me, were playing video game together" Matt tells her.

"That sounds wonderful!" Rarity exclaims. "You know what else is wonderful?" Rarity asks.

"What?"

"Playing with the mud!" Rarity says to him.

Rarity thinks to herself . . . Mud is something all mules like to play with, is it not?

Rarity finds a filly-size bucket of mud and then dumps it right onto Matt. Understandably, Matt is not happy about this. He cries and then runs into Applejack?

"Sugarcube, what's wrong?" Applejack says to the understandably upset mule.

"Ma Ma! Rarity dumped some mud on me!" Matt doesn't hesitate to tell Applejack

Applejack makes a loud clapping noise using her hooves, which she directs at Rarity.

"Oh dear." Rarity says. "Dear-dear-d-d-dear-dear-dear. What happened? I thought that he'd like it! I thought all mules liked to be dirty!"

Applejack sighs. "That is just a stereotype, and you should know better. Now, Matt, let's clean you up."

Author's Note

CREDITS:
Written, Produced and Directed by
JESSE COFFEY

[at end, scroll:]

Starring

RARITY BELLE

APPLEJACK SMITH

RUMBLE as MATT

Executive Producer for JCP

JACOB BADING

Editorial Supervision

DANA WOOLERY

Associate Producer

JERRY LONDON

Music

JOHN MORRIS

''Zip-A-Dee-Doo-Dah'' by

ALLIE WRUBEL

RAY GILBERT

Director of Photography

WILLIAM JURGENSON

Art Director

HOWARD HOLLANDER

Video Tape Editor

RALPH ROSENBLUM, A.S.C.

Assistant Director

FLOYD JOYNER

Unit Production Manager

W.A. CALIHAN

Set Decorator

JAMES DALTON

Make-up

ARMAND DELMAR

Costumes

GENE COFFIN

Post-Production Supervisor

HOUSLEY STEVENSON

Music Supervisor

FELIX GIGLIO

Sound Editor

JAMES L. KLINGER

Production Mixer

WALLACE BEARDEN

Re-recording Mixer

GORDON L. DAY, C.A.S.

UNIVERSAL TITLE

COPYRIGHT © MCMLXXXVIII BY UNIVERSAL CITY STUDIOS, INC. AND JESSE COFFEY PRODUCTIONS, INC.
ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.

THE CHARACTERS AND EVENTS DEPICTED IN THIS PHOTOPLAY ARE FICTITIOUS.
ANY SIMILARITY TO ACTUAL PERSONS, LIVING OR DEAD, OR TO ACTUAL
EVENTS, IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.

THIS MOTION PICTURE IS PROTECTED UNDER THE LAWS OF THE UNITED STATES
AND OTHER COUNTRIES. UNAUTHORIZED DUPLICATION, DISTRIBUTION OR
EXHIBITION MAY RESULT IN CIVIL LIABILITY AND CRIMINAL PROSECUTION.

[JCP Television animated logo]