Pinkie (re)Curses A Lotby scifiponyChaptersCrisis: Time to ExplodeCrisis: Tense SituationCrisis: Past Perfect TenseCrisis: It's About TimeCrisis: Time Recursion Proves Self-CorrectingCrisis: Tense Tense and Self-LimitsCrisis Averted: Party AftermathCrisis: Time to ExplodeIt isn't easy being Pinkie. Especially when you have a secret trying to explode out of you with every beat of your heart! Here I was on the second floor of Twilight's castle, the story with the bedrooms, in a toy chest while Twilight gave us a tour the room she'd decorated with posters and memorabilia from when Shining Armor had been a colt. When I took off the plastic helmet I had found in the toy chest, I sat on something hard and squeaked. Twilight looked at me and I showed her a doll—an action figure, considering Shining had been a colt. "What's this?" Twilight smiled. "This is Brutus Force. Mom said Shining Armor used to carry him around like his baby!" Cadence, I thought. Baby. "Yeah!" I began chuckling weakly, working hard to hold in what I was bursting to say. "R—Really cute!" I was about to explode into pink bits; shudders rattled through me, making it hard to hear what the others said. I even agreed with an "uh-huh" when everypony else agreed to something I hadn't heard. I couldn't focus until Rainbow Dash said, "Watching somepony else be surprised with something is almost better than being the one who's getting the surprise!" And I could surprise everybody…if…I…no, no. But...if somepony gave me permission, though, that'd be okay, right? "But... eh... what if the surprise is something so incredibly exciting…" No, no… I. Can. Do. This. Rarity asked, "What's exciting?" I had rolled out of the toy chest and lay on my back in the middle of the room. That Rarity might agree I should tell the secret was so unlikely, she had to have heard only my last two words. Pinkie Power reasserted itself, redirecting the energy of the secret trying to pop out. I stood and said, "Strawberry Jam Teahouse just received a delivery of Mr. Cake's version of those scones you gave him!" "From Cinnamon Chai's? You're a darling, Pinkie. I must stop there for breakfast!" I escaped the castle into the bright morning sun without slipping. Speaking of tea, I knew how a tea kettle felt on high heat, whistling, wanting to burst. As I trotted into town, skirting the herds of pastel ponies but not the crackly fall leaves, I could only think of the uproar and cheer that would fill the hearts of all the ponies I told the news. Thinking that made it worse! My trot became a canter and soon a gallop as I ran for Sugarcube Corner. I had to escape the inquiring gaze of every pony. It was top secret! Mrs. Cake had said so. Once inside, I melted all over the staircase. Isolated, I could keep any secret. The best-est place I could do that was shut in my room. I glanced up. Mr. Cake stood in the doorway to the restaurant. "Oh, good, you're back! Mrs. Cake needs my help, but these deliveries can't wait! I can't thank you enough for agreeing to be my backup delivery pony, Pinkie!" "I did?" My head felt heavy. Certainly my curls were deflating and turning to rock. I mused about when I'd agreed. I remembered telling him I'd do it. Now, suddenly I also remembered saying I wouldn't change my mind even if I had "a gigantic, emotionally exhausting surprise that would make it super hard to be around other ponies." How prescient of me, or was that ironic? And now I remembered I'd Pinkie Promised. Breaking a Pinkie Promise was the best way to lose a friend, or an employer who was also your landlord. Duty called! I shrugged into the cold metal harness of the delivery wagon and pulled it toward the first address on the list. How could there be so many ponies outside today? Didn't they have a party, work, or breakfast to attend? I saw Muffin's friend Time Turner, and Mellon Roll, and— well, I knew everypony and everypony knew me. And if even one were to ask me anything— Best not be seen. I snuck through town, dashing behind trees and taking alley ways, finding hidey-holes where I could wait, but it took too much time! The cakes and breads and pies would be stale by the time I delivered them next week! Okay. I could do this. Deep breaths. Don't make eye contact. Just. Do. Your. Deliveries. My hooves clattered on cobblestones; the springs of the van squeaked. A different squeak from Sweetie Belle alerted me to a hostile CMC escort. Apple Bloom said, "Hi ya, Pinkie Pie!" Sweetie asked, "Heard any good gossip today?" How did they know!? I began to vibrate as my kettle started to boil. Scootaloo said, "We're bored. Please say you have some interesting news." I screamed, "Nope!" and dashed to avoid a second question, telling myself that if I could just redirect my need to tell the secret—the way I had when I told Rarity about the teahouse instead of telling the secret—it might work again. I barely avoided crashing into Fluttershy, who then flew beside me to tell me that Twilight had asked me to make a snack plate to help her preparations. But when Fluttershy added, "Shining Armor's favorite snack is baby carrots," I had no choice but to hyper-hoof it. The kettle whistled so hard, one little disturbance might crack it; I'd be yelling the secret all over town. Hyper-hoof'n is a state of mind, something Twilight had once called a "zen-thing." Hyper-hoof'n pushed the thoughts from my head, and as Applejack would say, "Boy-howdy were there a lot in there." All I had to do was concentrate; everypony got slower, making my trot super fast in comparison, giving me more time to get things done. Of course, it made steering and stopping the delivery van more difficult—more reason to concentrate and less space for idle thoughts about telling pernicious little secrets. No, Pinkie! Concentrate! The ponies around me moved as if in a dream, swimming through air. Minty green Lyra at a canter hovered in the air, all hooves airborne as I trotted on by. Which meant, of course, they couldn't stop me to ask questions! I swerved to avoid a house I hadn't seen in my way. Had I hit it, I'd have left nothing but splinters holding up the hay roof. As it was, I ended up on Berry Punch's roof, wagon and all. That was okay. The roof was strong, she was my third delivery, and she had obviously been partying early; she didn't even look up when she lifted her cake from the doorstep then staggered back inside. The half-day of deliveries took the better part of a Ponyville hour, mostly because I had to plan straight-line routes and stop to actually deliver a package (assuring nopony saw me). My most creative delivery required a crossbow and a clothesline, an idea I got from one of Spike's comic books, though come to think of it, I bet it messed up one of Rarity's walls. Exhausted at the end of my deliveries, I was barely strolling when I came to the Strawberry Jam Teahouse. I'd told Rarity to go there. Which made me remember why I told her. Which reminded me that Cadance was going to have a baby. Which was top secret. Between one heart-beat and the next, I wound up again. It was such great news! I so super needed to tell somepony. And there, through a window, I saw her sitting at a cafe table in the teahouse—a sunhat decked with red ribbons on her head, a gold gilt china tea cup in her magic, and a half-dozen scones in her basket. Ivy and ferns festooned the interior courtyard, set with dainty wrought iron chairs and tables. The cranberry walnut scones looked delish. If I shared the story with Rarity, that'd be okay, right? It would become our secret both. Right? Riiiight? I unhitched, took off my hyper-hoof'n helmet, and entered. A trip bell tinkled. Rarity looked up. I took the chair across her at her table so quickly I must have been a blur. A second cup of tea steamed before me as if she were expecting me. Rarity smiled and sipped the red liquid in her cup; a darjeeling from the smell. I craned my head close and breathed, "Cadance is going to have a baby." Rarity gasped, spraying tea. She choked and coughed. Tea spilt everywhere, but she caught the drops in her magic and returned them to the cup that clinked in its saucer. Her blue eyes were intently on me as her jaw dropped. She stood, a smile growing on her lips as she did that excited little dance she sometimes did. "You shouldn't have told me this," she said, then squealed and did the dance again. A whisper: "A line of royal baby clothes, I can just see it!" Serious, then in a low voice: "If this gets out you are going to feel guilty forever about ruining the surprise for Twilight. That's who they're planning to surprise? Has to be. But I won't tell a soul." Unfortunately, there was a reason there was a second cup of tea and so many piping hot scones. I heard a trademark squeak, then saw a flash of white, pink, and purple. The trip bell rang. "Was that Sweetie Belle?" "Oh, dear me. She must've overheard." Despite an adrenaline surge, exhaustion stuck me like a boulder. Hypoglycemic from all my hyper-hoof'n, I felt myself melting back into the chair until I remembered the dozen scones. Target acquired, I apologized before expanded my throat and gulping the pile down in one swallow. I had to catch Rarity's sister. Rarity followed me out the door. The scones' crystallized sugar crust began to hit my bloodstream as we rushed about, but the filly had disappeared. After we split up, I saw Scootaloo on her scooter, helmet and goggles on, with an unusually satisfied expression. She saw me and raced away, but not before I glimpsed a red bow and a red tail disappear around a storefront in the opposite direction. Like a drop of the wrong food coloring in a bottle of milk, this looked worse and worse. And across the street, Muffin bubbled excitedly and fluttered in the air before her colt-friend Time Turner. I could read what looked like a few Candances on her lips as Time Turner faced me and rubbed his chin with a hoof, thinking. Oh, not good. Not good at all. I felt my body coming to a boil, the type of thing where I jitter in place, hooves virtually hovering above the cobblestone road. I had to do something... anything. Crisis: Tense SituationHad I only answered Sweetie Belle's question differently! I mused about just starting out my delivery run, trying to pull my delivery van as stealthily as possible, practically moving on the tips of my hooves despite the marimba tap noise that usually made, and suddenly again worrying about letting go of the weighty secret I'd inadvertently saddled myself with, when the inexplicably bored Crusaders with shiny newly-minted cutie marks began pacing me like information-hungry sharks. The screaming tea kettle in my head drowned out everything but Sweetie's one word: "Gossip?" Sweetie Belle was so growing up to be a secret agent or a spy or Celestia's morally ambivalent adjutant. Sly, that one. Cut me to the bone. I stopped so quickly that the van pushed me forward, causing my hooves to dig a rut in the street. My CMC inquisitors skid, turned, and faced me. "Cadance. Shining. Here tomorrow. Too much said." I squee'd—albeit shrilly—and dashed away achieving hyper-hoof warp 1 in three seconds flat. That did it. Sweetie Belle, less prone to boring tea parties than her elder sister or Fluttershy, would be uninterested in accepting an invitation to the Strawberry Jam Teahouse, even with the temptation of the most mind-blowingly tasty fruit and nut scones this side of Canterlot. Following my deliveries, I trotted right past Strawberry Jam, though I did glimpse inside to see Rarity who saw me and smiled. Crisis averted. As I unhitched the delivery van behind Sugarcube Corner, I glimpsed a rapidly moving shadow. I jumped aside to avoid being knocked over by a gray pegasus with a golden mane who flattened the petunias. "Oh, sorry." "No problemo, oh golden-eyed terror of the skies." "I was wondering." Muffin glanced across the street and I saw Time Turner who looked at the both of us, scratching his head. She nodded and asked me, "Is it true? Is Princess Cadance having a baby?" "That sounds like a rumor to me." "That's what Doc said." I dashed up to my room. Soon I was eating an apple and reading the note gummy had been gumming on my bed. A note to me from me. More Pinkie Promises! I was being a little too liberal with those! A half-bushel of apples later, I was off, which is how I found myself in the school yard making balloon sculptures for Twist's birthday. It's amazing how close to that zen-thang inflating and tying squeaky balloons could be. It probably had something to do with my cutie mark. The rubbery material stuck nicely to the frogs of my hooves, making the most intricate creation a cinch to craft. Request: "Flamingo." I only thought about the secret between requests. Request: "Goldfish." Like now when I handed over a goldfish, then a giraffe. Cadance and her baby ricocheted about my skull as Scootaloo smugly smiled up from under her purple mane and said, "A baby bottle, please." My front legs blurred as they went to work, a whole few seconds before the request splatted on the already overheated, completely overwrought, tiny thinking part of my brain. To my credit, I didn't scream, blurt the secret, or simply explode into a dozen pink pieces. I locked eyes with Scoots, my blue against her purple. Scoots, to her credit, kept eye contact. She grinned foalishly. She was good. Canterlot-castle-royal-guard good. I finished her balloon with a rubbery snap. "It's a puppy." Startled, Scootaloo fluttered back into a brown pinto pegasus, Featherweight. I stuck the business end of the bottle into Scoots mouth and shouted, "Next!" Crisis averted. Featherweight stepped up. "A baby pony, please! Uh, unless of course that would be a royal pain…" My heart ricocheted off my sternum, spine, and clavicle, but I was getting good this keeping cool routine. I leaned closer and gave him the look. "Interesting choice of words, Featherweight." Featherweight fluttered up and screamed, "Princess Cadence is having a baby! A baby!" The school yard dissolved into cheers, with parents looking on, and pegasi zooming into the air heading for town. In the pandemonium that ensued, I slunk away. Crisis: Past Perfect TenseThis keeping of secrets was proving super hard, harder than a Pinkie Promise. I really wished I hadn't heard the insidious gem in the first place. I mused about it because it kept my mind from straying to thinking about what Twilight, Cadance, or Shining Armor would think when they found out. The only way I would not have found out is if I had not been so silly about preening after nearly beating my record for frosting cupcakes. I had known ahead of time how many were there: too few. I should have just finished the job and gone to clean the frosting bags and mixing bowls because, well, not-a-record was not-a-record. Or… I could have gone and fetched a half-dozen cupcakes from another order. I could imagine realizing I could break my record by one cupcake. I would finish the count, gasp, and walk back into the storefront. And crash into Mrs. Cake carrying the secret-laden scroll, coming from the storefront. Buzz. Nope. Better: I would turn around, exit through the kitchen, out the back door, and around the outside to the restaurant entrance. Then I'd never see the note at all. The should-have-been was so vivid that there I was, almost breaking my personal cupcake-icing record! "You know, Gummy, there's a dozen more cupcakes for that other order in the front refrigerator case; all I have to do is go and get them!" But as I turned toward the kitchen door, the opposite way from the door to the storefront, it was like some super powerful magnet had me in its super powerful magnetic field. Going away proved incredibly hard. Even the air seemed to gel, but I could hear Mrs. Cake's hoofbeats approaching and I knew I had just seconds. I put every bit of effort I could into to turning, and turning, and stretching, and pushing until I stretched what felt like the elastic holding me back to its greatest unyielding extent. Snap! I blasted into hyper-hoof, slamming the kitchen door open and burning skid marks across the kitchen tiles as I turned right toward the back door, hitting the door while still going too fast, throwing it open, but catching the jamb so I flung myself across the front of Sugarcube Corner—only to collide into something strong and furry that suddenly appeared in my way with a vacuum-lightning sound not unlike a teleportation pop. We tumbled docks over fetlocks and landed tangled up in the bushes out front. "I say! What am I doing here?" "Time Turner! I'm sorry." "Call me doc," he said, clambering up and dusting himself off. He glanced up at the sunny sky. "It looks like it's not even an hour past dawn. That's very strange." He put on horn-rimmed glasses, examined me, then peered at the Ponyville clock tower. "I've definitely lost some time here." "Yeah," I said, "I was just thinking through how I could prevent a problem that occurred from occurring, and seem to have succeeded since it's again this morning." He looked back to me, then gazed into the packing room. My magnificent stack of 568 cupcakes filled one wall. Oddly, though, in front of it stood a strange pink pony with dark pink curly hair and a chef's hat. She held an unrolled scroll, reading it, growing more shocked by the word. "Great Whickering Stallions!" Time Turner cried, strangling the sound so it didn't carry. He tackled me to the ground just as my doppelgänger started to lower the paper. "Who are you? I mean, you're Pinkie, but she's Pinkie too. How can there be two of you? It's not scientifically possible. You are not scientifically possible! Unless— you're a temporal anomaly! Don't you know you can't be in same place as yourself at the same time?" He shoved me hard, and got me trotting away from the store. He forced me into a gallop until I was turning the corner and almost a block away. Breathless, he continued, "You'll cause a temporal shift, or worse, a rift through which reality will begin to bleed into a singularity. Time could begin running sideways; who knows what might slip through the rift? This could get—" "—super bad?" We stopped. Ponies on their morning rounds waved as they walked past. I said, "Okay. It doesn't feel bad, now, but— I mean, I didn't understand a word you said, but—" He started pacing around me, studying me with big eyes through the coke-bottle lenses. "No devices or enchanted time pieces. You don't have an implant, do you?" "Implant?" "Something under the skin. Or a clock that you swallowed?" "Haven't swallowed a clock since I was a foal." He snapped closed the temples of his glasses, then tapped his forehead with them. "Think, think, think. Cor! Muffin was going on about Princess Cadance having a baby. But I thought it might be a rumor. And now I remember her doing that another time, but it was almost like it was a dream. You're doing something, aren't you?" "Not than I'm aware of." "Follow me to my place. I have a temporal thermometer I built from spare parts. That'll give me an answer. What were you doing anyway that caused you to run away from yourself?" "Just trying to not learn a secret that I would not be able to keep. Although, from the look of things, my other me just learned it anyway and is probably already experiencing a mental meltdown." "How did you do it? I mean, make the two of you?" "That I don't know." "So when did things start acting strange?" "Not counting the secret, it's been a pretty normal day, really. Nothing out of the ordinary." "But something happened!" "Other than blurting the secret out to Rarity, who would have helped me keep it without letting more ponies hear it, and then having Sweetie Belle overhear it and run with it, and me thinking how it would have been better if I'd told her earlier about some juicy gossip that would have kept her occupied so she'd not be there to overhear, but when I did tell her some juicy gossip instead—" "Wait, what?" "You know Cadance's secret, don't you?" It was getting out no matter what. My hooves felt leaden again as I clopped along. "Candance. Foal. Yes, but I won't tell. How did you change what happened?" I took a breath. "Did I? It looks like" and I could imagine it, "that my blabbing is inevitable. Cadance and Shining Armor will arrive at the castle and there I'll be, super worried that all the leaks and blurts will have gotten to them. Probably, no likely, my friends will have been so busy preparing for their royal guests that they will be in the castle no wiser, but I will be bursting to relay the secret, and sick and visibly stricken, possibly visibly pale and shaking. "Rainbow Dash will be telling me— Crisis: It's About Time"Pinkie, you look like you've been keeping something in." Magenta eyes in a blue countenance regarded me. "Do you have something you need to say?" She looked really concerned. For self-absorbed Dashie, that was a look to treasure. "I—I—" We stood in the castle, underneath the Golden Oaks root chandelier, beside the table bedecked by flowers and a couple of yummy-looking sliced vegetable platters that, considering they were on the Cake's fine china, had obviously been brought by me. I saw baby carrots and remembered Fluttershy had told me during a different time that baby carrots were Shining Armor's favorites. Speaking of Fluttershy, she said, "We're here to listen." "Well, go on, sugar cube." "We're not going to judge you, darling." All my friends were there, and behind them stood a tan stallion with a brown mane, frozen in shock and blinking in surprise; Time Turner had followed my musings with me. Spike added, in a very effective wheedling child-like tone, "You'll feel so much better once you get it off your chest!" It was just as I imagined it, my friends around me waiting for me to crack. Well, all except for Time Turner. The secret would get out, probably was out, and would get to them eventually. It was probably better that I fess up. What a bummer. Dashie said, "Come on!" "I'msorryIcouldn'tkeepthesecretsbutit'sbetteryouhearitfromme." "Pinkie!" Twilight said, above the protests of my other friends. "Slow down. Hear what?" Time Turner shook his head vigorously, waving a hoof, but I powered on. "Cadance and Shining Armor are having a baby." You could have dropped a pin and heard it echo. A beat later, Twilight said in her crackly voice, "Wow! I mean, wow! I'm going to be an aunt." Behind me I heard a gasp. I turned, and from the shadows of the hallway came the clatter of hooves, including a set in tinkling golden shoes. "That's right, Twilight," Princess Cadance stated in a flat monotone. As she came into the light, she gave me a glare that would have made King Sombra proud. As I wilted, her glare morphed into a sweet smile as she greeted her sister-in-law. Shining Armor didn't even look at me. Drained, ruined inside and out from the lousy wonderful secret, I slunk away from the ensuing gaiety, knowing that I had really and truly blown it. My curls gave way as my mane slumped like limp silk across my neck and withers. What had Rarity said? I'd feel guilty—forever? And now, it would be a forever without friends. Keeping secrets could be horrible, but revealing them was even more horrible. Time Turner stood beside me. "I tried to tell you not to say anything. The secret is the key to the temporal convolution you've instantiated." "Doc," I said, collapsing into a heap on the cold stone floor, "I really don't care." "But you need to." He knelt. "Look at me." I did. A nice stallion, him. It felt good that Muffin had found such a nice colt-friend. She deserved someone great. But I felt bad about myself. And the friends I no longer had. "I'm here. You dragged me along from the other before time. I remember the collision in front of Sugarcube corner, and the rumor later before that. Temporal anomalies. Time rifts? They surround you." "And you know this, how?" He gazed at his cutie mark, an hour glass that, oddly enough, suddenly had sand that poured steadily out into the bottom glass. At that rate, there was about a minute left. "Ever since I came to your ponyverse, I've been wondering what use I could be. Then Muffin kicked my traverse chronometer back a few dozen million years, proving that time wasn't crystalized and made immutable in this universe by magical influences. Now I see that even the fabric of space-time is fluid. This may be good. This may be bad. But stabilizing it is a purpose. And because friendship magic is important, and you seem to have messed that up today, you need to do something before it all falls apart. So, will you listen to me?" "I didn't understand a word you said, but I think you do." "Okay. We have about half-a-minute." He looked at his cutie mark. "Until what?" "I don't know, but I rather not find out." "Maybe the hour-glass turns over?" "Pinkie!" "Alright. What'you want me to do?" "Think of a time where something could happen that would convince you to keep your secret." "Okie dokie loki." Crisis: Time Recursion Proves Self-CorrectingHad I just resisted going into the Strawberry Jam Teahouse, I mused, and not blabbed to Rarity, the whole round of leaking might never have happened. I thought about it and felt the metal hitch, sweaty, warmed from being cinched around my barrel through hours of hyper-hoof'n. I looked through the window into the ivy courtyard and because the earlier Ponyville crowds had thinned, I heard Rarity. She said, "Forever." Beyond her, I saw Sweetie Belle standing in front of the little fillies room, and closer a pink pony doppelgänger looking crestfallen and upset, so upset that she began glancing away toward the window through which I gazed. A wave of exhaustion hit me, turning my limbs to lead. Dizziness swamped my head like too much of Berry Punch's punch. I felt myself sagging in the hitch as electricity began crackling around me. Time Turner hit the harness-release, and jumped back shocked. I dropped to the ground in a heap, out of sight from the window, the smell of a lightning storm filling the air. In my head, I heard over and over again, "You'll feel guilty forever." Or then again, maybe I was saying that out loud. "Pinkie! You can't see yourself and change what you already changed." I just nodded as I accepted Time Turner's help pulling me out of range of the window. Moments later, a squealing Sweetie Belle burst out of the door of Strawberry Jam and galloped down the street as fast as her little legs could carry her. She had gone that way.... I said, "Weren't you here about this time?" "Great Whickering Stallions, I was! I can't risk seeing myself." He looked at his cutie mark. The sand emptied at a furious rate now and suddenly was gone. The hourglass turned. But now the glass looked blackened, as if licked by flame. He said, "Pinkie, think hard. Somewhere you'll feel convinced to keep your secret. You seem affected by Rarity saying you'll feel guilty forever. Where might she have convinced you to keep the secret before everything went crazy?" Crisis: Tense Tense and Self-LimitsI thought about where Rarity might have influenced me. Sure, she had caught me muttering to Gummy about him taking a pacifier from a baby again, and had asked me what I had said about babies, but that had been a girly moment, not serious. The next time we were discussing secrets was after Twilight had told us as a group about Cadance and Shining Armor's visit, but made it clear to me that she had not been told the top top secret. We were in the room Twilight had decorated for the royal couple. I was in the toy box, having sat on a doll. I had picked it up and asked about it. Twilight smiled. "This is Brutus Force. Mom said Shining Armor used to carry him around like his baby!" Cadence, I thought. Baby. "Yeah!" I began chuckling weakly, working hard to hold in what I was bursting to say. "R—Really cute!" I was about to explode into pink bits; shudders rattled through me, making it hard to hear what the others said. I even agreed with an "uh-huh" when everypony else agreed to something I hadn't heard. I couldn't focus until Rainbow Dash said, "Watching somepony else be surprised with something is almost better than being the one who's getting the surprise!" Oh, I could remember suddenly that the opposite was a real bummer. I really needed advice. I began to crawl out of the toy box, slink over, and slide on my back across the floor, saying, "What if the surprise is something so incredibly exciting that a pony can't keep it in any longer, and she has to tell the pony standing next to her what it is or she might explode?" I had slid up to Fluttershy, and held her, hoping for permission to say anything to alleviate the hot tea kettle pressure bubbling inside me. She said, "I would say, 'no.'" Rarity straightened and a dark, serious expression drifted theatrically over her face. As she crept closer to me, she said, her voice lowering ominously, "The pony who ruins a surprise for somepony else has to live with that guilt forever!" I gasped. It was another type of Pinkie Promise, without the swearing part! Even if by chance you learned a secret, the forever clause bound you—me. I remembered telling uncounted ponies that they could lose their friends forever were they to break a promise. And suddenly I realized how I had terrorized those who wavered, because I too was now terrorized. And, I had wavered. I now knew how my victims felt. Either you kept secrets or you avoided them, but you had to do the right thing. But ponies needed to make their decision, as did I, at this moment, right now. I hoped this was the right thing because I knew at that moment that nobody but me and the Cakes knew the secret. Not even Time Turner—because he wasn't here. I was back at the very beginning. I had another chance. My nervous-excitement hit a fever pitch and I began bouncing around the room. And I broke a wall. Sorry! But I had to get away from my friends for awhile. And I would have a lot to do. Deliveries. Balloons. And I would apologize to Twilight after I could explain what had happened, which of course she would say was scientifically not possible, just as Time Turner—Doc—had. As it was, I barely survived the day. I managed to hold it in until I was back in the castle in the early afternoon. Despite Twilight's protests to the contrary, I knew Cadance and Shining would arrive and they did just in time as I began to fail. Trusty Shining interrupted my blathering shame and changed what I had been saying before I got to the baby part. Crisis averted. Crisis Averted: Party AftermathAt the party, after the princess and the prince consort had revealed the baby secret, I sat at a table putting myself back together. Cadance, nice and sweet as she had ever been now that I had not revealed her secret after all, brought a piece of cake in her magic. The plate clacked on the turquoise tessellated tile table before me. She giggled and said, "You did it, Pinkie Pie! You kept it a surprise! Thank you! Was it much trouble?" Looking at the double-fudge strawberry brandy-infused layered ganache flourless chocolate cake, I stated what I saw. "Piece of cake." I squee'd. Cadence laughed as she walked away. I looked toward the mirror on the wall, which reflected the mirror behind me. All my reflections silently mouthed the word "No" as I shook my head. But, you know, I could think of no better way for today to have ended. I had my friends back, though I had not lost them. I could not… well, would not imagine my day any other way. –At least until the next time I did. Author's Note Frenetic Pie is super hard to write! I want to thank my pre-reader Docontra for giving me a 11th hour critique that restored my confidence in the story. Any remaining problems or errors you find in the completed work are completely and solely mine.
Crisis: Time to ExplodeIt isn't easy being Pinkie. Especially when you have a secret trying to explode out of you with every beat of your heart! Here I was on the second floor of Twilight's castle, the story with the bedrooms, in a toy chest while Twilight gave us a tour the room she'd decorated with posters and memorabilia from when Shining Armor had been a colt. When I took off the plastic helmet I had found in the toy chest, I sat on something hard and squeaked. Twilight looked at me and I showed her a doll—an action figure, considering Shining had been a colt. "What's this?" Twilight smiled. "This is Brutus Force. Mom said Shining Armor used to carry him around like his baby!" Cadence, I thought. Baby. "Yeah!" I began chuckling weakly, working hard to hold in what I was bursting to say. "R—Really cute!" I was about to explode into pink bits; shudders rattled through me, making it hard to hear what the others said. I even agreed with an "uh-huh" when everypony else agreed to something I hadn't heard. I couldn't focus until Rainbow Dash said, "Watching somepony else be surprised with something is almost better than being the one who's getting the surprise!" And I could surprise everybody…if…I…no, no. But...if somepony gave me permission, though, that'd be okay, right? "But... eh... what if the surprise is something so incredibly exciting…" No, no… I. Can. Do. This. Rarity asked, "What's exciting?" I had rolled out of the toy chest and lay on my back in the middle of the room. That Rarity might agree I should tell the secret was so unlikely, she had to have heard only my last two words. Pinkie Power reasserted itself, redirecting the energy of the secret trying to pop out. I stood and said, "Strawberry Jam Teahouse just received a delivery of Mr. Cake's version of those scones you gave him!" "From Cinnamon Chai's? You're a darling, Pinkie. I must stop there for breakfast!" I escaped the castle into the bright morning sun without slipping. Speaking of tea, I knew how a tea kettle felt on high heat, whistling, wanting to burst. As I trotted into town, skirting the herds of pastel ponies but not the crackly fall leaves, I could only think of the uproar and cheer that would fill the hearts of all the ponies I told the news. Thinking that made it worse! My trot became a canter and soon a gallop as I ran for Sugarcube Corner. I had to escape the inquiring gaze of every pony. It was top secret! Mrs. Cake had said so. Once inside, I melted all over the staircase. Isolated, I could keep any secret. The best-est place I could do that was shut in my room. I glanced up. Mr. Cake stood in the doorway to the restaurant. "Oh, good, you're back! Mrs. Cake needs my help, but these deliveries can't wait! I can't thank you enough for agreeing to be my backup delivery pony, Pinkie!" "I did?" My head felt heavy. Certainly my curls were deflating and turning to rock. I mused about when I'd agreed. I remembered telling him I'd do it. Now, suddenly I also remembered saying I wouldn't change my mind even if I had "a gigantic, emotionally exhausting surprise that would make it super hard to be around other ponies." How prescient of me, or was that ironic? And now I remembered I'd Pinkie Promised. Breaking a Pinkie Promise was the best way to lose a friend, or an employer who was also your landlord. Duty called! I shrugged into the cold metal harness of the delivery wagon and pulled it toward the first address on the list. How could there be so many ponies outside today? Didn't they have a party, work, or breakfast to attend? I saw Muffin's friend Time Turner, and Mellon Roll, and— well, I knew everypony and everypony knew me. And if even one were to ask me anything— Best not be seen. I snuck through town, dashing behind trees and taking alley ways, finding hidey-holes where I could wait, but it took too much time! The cakes and breads and pies would be stale by the time I delivered them next week! Okay. I could do this. Deep breaths. Don't make eye contact. Just. Do. Your. Deliveries. My hooves clattered on cobblestones; the springs of the van squeaked. A different squeak from Sweetie Belle alerted me to a hostile CMC escort. Apple Bloom said, "Hi ya, Pinkie Pie!" Sweetie asked, "Heard any good gossip today?" How did they know!? I began to vibrate as my kettle started to boil. Scootaloo said, "We're bored. Please say you have some interesting news." I screamed, "Nope!" and dashed to avoid a second question, telling myself that if I could just redirect my need to tell the secret—the way I had when I told Rarity about the teahouse instead of telling the secret—it might work again. I barely avoided crashing into Fluttershy, who then flew beside me to tell me that Twilight had asked me to make a snack plate to help her preparations. But when Fluttershy added, "Shining Armor's favorite snack is baby carrots," I had no choice but to hyper-hoof it. The kettle whistled so hard, one little disturbance might crack it; I'd be yelling the secret all over town. Hyper-hoof'n is a state of mind, something Twilight had once called a "zen-thing." Hyper-hoof'n pushed the thoughts from my head, and as Applejack would say, "Boy-howdy were there a lot in there." All I had to do was concentrate; everypony got slower, making my trot super fast in comparison, giving me more time to get things done. Of course, it made steering and stopping the delivery van more difficult—more reason to concentrate and less space for idle thoughts about telling pernicious little secrets. No, Pinkie! Concentrate! The ponies around me moved as if in a dream, swimming through air. Minty green Lyra at a canter hovered in the air, all hooves airborne as I trotted on by. Which meant, of course, they couldn't stop me to ask questions! I swerved to avoid a house I hadn't seen in my way. Had I hit it, I'd have left nothing but splinters holding up the hay roof. As it was, I ended up on Berry Punch's roof, wagon and all. That was okay. The roof was strong, she was my third delivery, and she had obviously been partying early; she didn't even look up when she lifted her cake from the doorstep then staggered back inside. The half-day of deliveries took the better part of a Ponyville hour, mostly because I had to plan straight-line routes and stop to actually deliver a package (assuring nopony saw me). My most creative delivery required a crossbow and a clothesline, an idea I got from one of Spike's comic books, though come to think of it, I bet it messed up one of Rarity's walls. Exhausted at the end of my deliveries, I was barely strolling when I came to the Strawberry Jam Teahouse. I'd told Rarity to go there. Which made me remember why I told her. Which reminded me that Cadance was going to have a baby. Which was top secret. Between one heart-beat and the next, I wound up again. It was such great news! I so super needed to tell somepony. And there, through a window, I saw her sitting at a cafe table in the teahouse—a sunhat decked with red ribbons on her head, a gold gilt china tea cup in her magic, and a half-dozen scones in her basket. Ivy and ferns festooned the interior courtyard, set with dainty wrought iron chairs and tables. The cranberry walnut scones looked delish. If I shared the story with Rarity, that'd be okay, right? It would become our secret both. Right? Riiiight? I unhitched, took off my hyper-hoof'n helmet, and entered. A trip bell tinkled. Rarity looked up. I took the chair across her at her table so quickly I must have been a blur. A second cup of tea steamed before me as if she were expecting me. Rarity smiled and sipped the red liquid in her cup; a darjeeling from the smell. I craned my head close and breathed, "Cadance is going to have a baby." Rarity gasped, spraying tea. She choked and coughed. Tea spilt everywhere, but she caught the drops in her magic and returned them to the cup that clinked in its saucer. Her blue eyes were intently on me as her jaw dropped. She stood, a smile growing on her lips as she did that excited little dance she sometimes did. "You shouldn't have told me this," she said, then squealed and did the dance again. A whisper: "A line of royal baby clothes, I can just see it!" Serious, then in a low voice: "If this gets out you are going to feel guilty forever about ruining the surprise for Twilight. That's who they're planning to surprise? Has to be. But I won't tell a soul." Unfortunately, there was a reason there was a second cup of tea and so many piping hot scones. I heard a trademark squeak, then saw a flash of white, pink, and purple. The trip bell rang. "Was that Sweetie Belle?" "Oh, dear me. She must've overheard." Despite an adrenaline surge, exhaustion stuck me like a boulder. Hypoglycemic from all my hyper-hoof'n, I felt myself melting back into the chair until I remembered the dozen scones. Target acquired, I apologized before expanded my throat and gulping the pile down in one swallow. I had to catch Rarity's sister. Rarity followed me out the door. The scones' crystallized sugar crust began to hit my bloodstream as we rushed about, but the filly had disappeared. After we split up, I saw Scootaloo on her scooter, helmet and goggles on, with an unusually satisfied expression. She saw me and raced away, but not before I glimpsed a red bow and a red tail disappear around a storefront in the opposite direction. Like a drop of the wrong food coloring in a bottle of milk, this looked worse and worse. And across the street, Muffin bubbled excitedly and fluttered in the air before her colt-friend Time Turner. I could read what looked like a few Candances on her lips as Time Turner faced me and rubbed his chin with a hoof, thinking. Oh, not good. Not good at all. I felt my body coming to a boil, the type of thing where I jitter in place, hooves virtually hovering above the cobblestone road. I had to do something... anything.
Crisis: Tense SituationHad I only answered Sweetie Belle's question differently! I mused about just starting out my delivery run, trying to pull my delivery van as stealthily as possible, practically moving on the tips of my hooves despite the marimba tap noise that usually made, and suddenly again worrying about letting go of the weighty secret I'd inadvertently saddled myself with, when the inexplicably bored Crusaders with shiny newly-minted cutie marks began pacing me like information-hungry sharks. The screaming tea kettle in my head drowned out everything but Sweetie's one word: "Gossip?" Sweetie Belle was so growing up to be a secret agent or a spy or Celestia's morally ambivalent adjutant. Sly, that one. Cut me to the bone. I stopped so quickly that the van pushed me forward, causing my hooves to dig a rut in the street. My CMC inquisitors skid, turned, and faced me. "Cadance. Shining. Here tomorrow. Too much said." I squee'd—albeit shrilly—and dashed away achieving hyper-hoof warp 1 in three seconds flat. That did it. Sweetie Belle, less prone to boring tea parties than her elder sister or Fluttershy, would be uninterested in accepting an invitation to the Strawberry Jam Teahouse, even with the temptation of the most mind-blowingly tasty fruit and nut scones this side of Canterlot. Following my deliveries, I trotted right past Strawberry Jam, though I did glimpse inside to see Rarity who saw me and smiled. Crisis averted. As I unhitched the delivery van behind Sugarcube Corner, I glimpsed a rapidly moving shadow. I jumped aside to avoid being knocked over by a gray pegasus with a golden mane who flattened the petunias. "Oh, sorry." "No problemo, oh golden-eyed terror of the skies." "I was wondering." Muffin glanced across the street and I saw Time Turner who looked at the both of us, scratching his head. She nodded and asked me, "Is it true? Is Princess Cadance having a baby?" "That sounds like a rumor to me." "That's what Doc said." I dashed up to my room. Soon I was eating an apple and reading the note gummy had been gumming on my bed. A note to me from me. More Pinkie Promises! I was being a little too liberal with those! A half-bushel of apples later, I was off, which is how I found myself in the school yard making balloon sculptures for Twist's birthday. It's amazing how close to that zen-thang inflating and tying squeaky balloons could be. It probably had something to do with my cutie mark. The rubbery material stuck nicely to the frogs of my hooves, making the most intricate creation a cinch to craft. Request: "Flamingo." I only thought about the secret between requests. Request: "Goldfish." Like now when I handed over a goldfish, then a giraffe. Cadance and her baby ricocheted about my skull as Scootaloo smugly smiled up from under her purple mane and said, "A baby bottle, please." My front legs blurred as they went to work, a whole few seconds before the request splatted on the already overheated, completely overwrought, tiny thinking part of my brain. To my credit, I didn't scream, blurt the secret, or simply explode into a dozen pink pieces. I locked eyes with Scoots, my blue against her purple. Scoots, to her credit, kept eye contact. She grinned foalishly. She was good. Canterlot-castle-royal-guard good. I finished her balloon with a rubbery snap. "It's a puppy." Startled, Scootaloo fluttered back into a brown pinto pegasus, Featherweight. I stuck the business end of the bottle into Scoots mouth and shouted, "Next!" Crisis averted. Featherweight stepped up. "A baby pony, please! Uh, unless of course that would be a royal pain…" My heart ricocheted off my sternum, spine, and clavicle, but I was getting good this keeping cool routine. I leaned closer and gave him the look. "Interesting choice of words, Featherweight." Featherweight fluttered up and screamed, "Princess Cadence is having a baby! A baby!" The school yard dissolved into cheers, with parents looking on, and pegasi zooming into the air heading for town. In the pandemonium that ensued, I slunk away.
Crisis: Past Perfect TenseThis keeping of secrets was proving super hard, harder than a Pinkie Promise. I really wished I hadn't heard the insidious gem in the first place. I mused about it because it kept my mind from straying to thinking about what Twilight, Cadance, or Shining Armor would think when they found out. The only way I would not have found out is if I had not been so silly about preening after nearly beating my record for frosting cupcakes. I had known ahead of time how many were there: too few. I should have just finished the job and gone to clean the frosting bags and mixing bowls because, well, not-a-record was not-a-record. Or… I could have gone and fetched a half-dozen cupcakes from another order. I could imagine realizing I could break my record by one cupcake. I would finish the count, gasp, and walk back into the storefront. And crash into Mrs. Cake carrying the secret-laden scroll, coming from the storefront. Buzz. Nope. Better: I would turn around, exit through the kitchen, out the back door, and around the outside to the restaurant entrance. Then I'd never see the note at all. The should-have-been was so vivid that there I was, almost breaking my personal cupcake-icing record! "You know, Gummy, there's a dozen more cupcakes for that other order in the front refrigerator case; all I have to do is go and get them!" But as I turned toward the kitchen door, the opposite way from the door to the storefront, it was like some super powerful magnet had me in its super powerful magnetic field. Going away proved incredibly hard. Even the air seemed to gel, but I could hear Mrs. Cake's hoofbeats approaching and I knew I had just seconds. I put every bit of effort I could into to turning, and turning, and stretching, and pushing until I stretched what felt like the elastic holding me back to its greatest unyielding extent. Snap! I blasted into hyper-hoof, slamming the kitchen door open and burning skid marks across the kitchen tiles as I turned right toward the back door, hitting the door while still going too fast, throwing it open, but catching the jamb so I flung myself across the front of Sugarcube Corner—only to collide into something strong and furry that suddenly appeared in my way with a vacuum-lightning sound not unlike a teleportation pop. We tumbled docks over fetlocks and landed tangled up in the bushes out front. "I say! What am I doing here?" "Time Turner! I'm sorry." "Call me doc," he said, clambering up and dusting himself off. He glanced up at the sunny sky. "It looks like it's not even an hour past dawn. That's very strange." He put on horn-rimmed glasses, examined me, then peered at the Ponyville clock tower. "I've definitely lost some time here." "Yeah," I said, "I was just thinking through how I could prevent a problem that occurred from occurring, and seem to have succeeded since it's again this morning." He looked back to me, then gazed into the packing room. My magnificent stack of 568 cupcakes filled one wall. Oddly, though, in front of it stood a strange pink pony with dark pink curly hair and a chef's hat. She held an unrolled scroll, reading it, growing more shocked by the word. "Great Whickering Stallions!" Time Turner cried, strangling the sound so it didn't carry. He tackled me to the ground just as my doppelgänger started to lower the paper. "Who are you? I mean, you're Pinkie, but she's Pinkie too. How can there be two of you? It's not scientifically possible. You are not scientifically possible! Unless— you're a temporal anomaly! Don't you know you can't be in same place as yourself at the same time?" He shoved me hard, and got me trotting away from the store. He forced me into a gallop until I was turning the corner and almost a block away. Breathless, he continued, "You'll cause a temporal shift, or worse, a rift through which reality will begin to bleed into a singularity. Time could begin running sideways; who knows what might slip through the rift? This could get—" "—super bad?" We stopped. Ponies on their morning rounds waved as they walked past. I said, "Okay. It doesn't feel bad, now, but— I mean, I didn't understand a word you said, but—" He started pacing around me, studying me with big eyes through the coke-bottle lenses. "No devices or enchanted time pieces. You don't have an implant, do you?" "Implant?" "Something under the skin. Or a clock that you swallowed?" "Haven't swallowed a clock since I was a foal." He snapped closed the temples of his glasses, then tapped his forehead with them. "Think, think, think. Cor! Muffin was going on about Princess Cadance having a baby. But I thought it might be a rumor. And now I remember her doing that another time, but it was almost like it was a dream. You're doing something, aren't you?" "Not than I'm aware of." "Follow me to my place. I have a temporal thermometer I built from spare parts. That'll give me an answer. What were you doing anyway that caused you to run away from yourself?" "Just trying to not learn a secret that I would not be able to keep. Although, from the look of things, my other me just learned it anyway and is probably already experiencing a mental meltdown." "How did you do it? I mean, make the two of you?" "That I don't know." "So when did things start acting strange?" "Not counting the secret, it's been a pretty normal day, really. Nothing out of the ordinary." "But something happened!" "Other than blurting the secret out to Rarity, who would have helped me keep it without letting more ponies hear it, and then having Sweetie Belle overhear it and run with it, and me thinking how it would have been better if I'd told her earlier about some juicy gossip that would have kept her occupied so she'd not be there to overhear, but when I did tell her some juicy gossip instead—" "Wait, what?" "You know Cadance's secret, don't you?" It was getting out no matter what. My hooves felt leaden again as I clopped along. "Candance. Foal. Yes, but I won't tell. How did you change what happened?" I took a breath. "Did I? It looks like" and I could imagine it, "that my blabbing is inevitable. Cadance and Shining Armor will arrive at the castle and there I'll be, super worried that all the leaks and blurts will have gotten to them. Probably, no likely, my friends will have been so busy preparing for their royal guests that they will be in the castle no wiser, but I will be bursting to relay the secret, and sick and visibly stricken, possibly visibly pale and shaking. "Rainbow Dash will be telling me—
Crisis: It's About Time"Pinkie, you look like you've been keeping something in." Magenta eyes in a blue countenance regarded me. "Do you have something you need to say?" She looked really concerned. For self-absorbed Dashie, that was a look to treasure. "I—I—" We stood in the castle, underneath the Golden Oaks root chandelier, beside the table bedecked by flowers and a couple of yummy-looking sliced vegetable platters that, considering they were on the Cake's fine china, had obviously been brought by me. I saw baby carrots and remembered Fluttershy had told me during a different time that baby carrots were Shining Armor's favorites. Speaking of Fluttershy, she said, "We're here to listen." "Well, go on, sugar cube." "We're not going to judge you, darling." All my friends were there, and behind them stood a tan stallion with a brown mane, frozen in shock and blinking in surprise; Time Turner had followed my musings with me. Spike added, in a very effective wheedling child-like tone, "You'll feel so much better once you get it off your chest!" It was just as I imagined it, my friends around me waiting for me to crack. Well, all except for Time Turner. The secret would get out, probably was out, and would get to them eventually. It was probably better that I fess up. What a bummer. Dashie said, "Come on!" "I'msorryIcouldn'tkeepthesecretsbutit'sbetteryouhearitfromme." "Pinkie!" Twilight said, above the protests of my other friends. "Slow down. Hear what?" Time Turner shook his head vigorously, waving a hoof, but I powered on. "Cadance and Shining Armor are having a baby." You could have dropped a pin and heard it echo. A beat later, Twilight said in her crackly voice, "Wow! I mean, wow! I'm going to be an aunt." Behind me I heard a gasp. I turned, and from the shadows of the hallway came the clatter of hooves, including a set in tinkling golden shoes. "That's right, Twilight," Princess Cadance stated in a flat monotone. As she came into the light, she gave me a glare that would have made King Sombra proud. As I wilted, her glare morphed into a sweet smile as she greeted her sister-in-law. Shining Armor didn't even look at me. Drained, ruined inside and out from the lousy wonderful secret, I slunk away from the ensuing gaiety, knowing that I had really and truly blown it. My curls gave way as my mane slumped like limp silk across my neck and withers. What had Rarity said? I'd feel guilty—forever? And now, it would be a forever without friends. Keeping secrets could be horrible, but revealing them was even more horrible. Time Turner stood beside me. "I tried to tell you not to say anything. The secret is the key to the temporal convolution you've instantiated." "Doc," I said, collapsing into a heap on the cold stone floor, "I really don't care." "But you need to." He knelt. "Look at me." I did. A nice stallion, him. It felt good that Muffin had found such a nice colt-friend. She deserved someone great. But I felt bad about myself. And the friends I no longer had. "I'm here. You dragged me along from the other before time. I remember the collision in front of Sugarcube corner, and the rumor later before that. Temporal anomalies. Time rifts? They surround you." "And you know this, how?" He gazed at his cutie mark, an hour glass that, oddly enough, suddenly had sand that poured steadily out into the bottom glass. At that rate, there was about a minute left. "Ever since I came to your ponyverse, I've been wondering what use I could be. Then Muffin kicked my traverse chronometer back a few dozen million years, proving that time wasn't crystalized and made immutable in this universe by magical influences. Now I see that even the fabric of space-time is fluid. This may be good. This may be bad. But stabilizing it is a purpose. And because friendship magic is important, and you seem to have messed that up today, you need to do something before it all falls apart. So, will you listen to me?" "I didn't understand a word you said, but I think you do." "Okay. We have about half-a-minute." He looked at his cutie mark. "Until what?" "I don't know, but I rather not find out." "Maybe the hour-glass turns over?" "Pinkie!" "Alright. What'you want me to do?" "Think of a time where something could happen that would convince you to keep your secret." "Okie dokie loki."
Crisis: Time Recursion Proves Self-CorrectingHad I just resisted going into the Strawberry Jam Teahouse, I mused, and not blabbed to Rarity, the whole round of leaking might never have happened. I thought about it and felt the metal hitch, sweaty, warmed from being cinched around my barrel through hours of hyper-hoof'n. I looked through the window into the ivy courtyard and because the earlier Ponyville crowds had thinned, I heard Rarity. She said, "Forever." Beyond her, I saw Sweetie Belle standing in front of the little fillies room, and closer a pink pony doppelgänger looking crestfallen and upset, so upset that she began glancing away toward the window through which I gazed. A wave of exhaustion hit me, turning my limbs to lead. Dizziness swamped my head like too much of Berry Punch's punch. I felt myself sagging in the hitch as electricity began crackling around me. Time Turner hit the harness-release, and jumped back shocked. I dropped to the ground in a heap, out of sight from the window, the smell of a lightning storm filling the air. In my head, I heard over and over again, "You'll feel guilty forever." Or then again, maybe I was saying that out loud. "Pinkie! You can't see yourself and change what you already changed." I just nodded as I accepted Time Turner's help pulling me out of range of the window. Moments later, a squealing Sweetie Belle burst out of the door of Strawberry Jam and galloped down the street as fast as her little legs could carry her. She had gone that way.... I said, "Weren't you here about this time?" "Great Whickering Stallions, I was! I can't risk seeing myself." He looked at his cutie mark. The sand emptied at a furious rate now and suddenly was gone. The hourglass turned. But now the glass looked blackened, as if licked by flame. He said, "Pinkie, think hard. Somewhere you'll feel convinced to keep your secret. You seem affected by Rarity saying you'll feel guilty forever. Where might she have convinced you to keep the secret before everything went crazy?"
Crisis: Tense Tense and Self-LimitsI thought about where Rarity might have influenced me. Sure, she had caught me muttering to Gummy about him taking a pacifier from a baby again, and had asked me what I had said about babies, but that had been a girly moment, not serious. The next time we were discussing secrets was after Twilight had told us as a group about Cadance and Shining Armor's visit, but made it clear to me that she had not been told the top top secret. We were in the room Twilight had decorated for the royal couple. I was in the toy box, having sat on a doll. I had picked it up and asked about it. Twilight smiled. "This is Brutus Force. Mom said Shining Armor used to carry him around like his baby!" Cadence, I thought. Baby. "Yeah!" I began chuckling weakly, working hard to hold in what I was bursting to say. "R—Really cute!" I was about to explode into pink bits; shudders rattled through me, making it hard to hear what the others said. I even agreed with an "uh-huh" when everypony else agreed to something I hadn't heard. I couldn't focus until Rainbow Dash said, "Watching somepony else be surprised with something is almost better than being the one who's getting the surprise!" Oh, I could remember suddenly that the opposite was a real bummer. I really needed advice. I began to crawl out of the toy box, slink over, and slide on my back across the floor, saying, "What if the surprise is something so incredibly exciting that a pony can't keep it in any longer, and she has to tell the pony standing next to her what it is or she might explode?" I had slid up to Fluttershy, and held her, hoping for permission to say anything to alleviate the hot tea kettle pressure bubbling inside me. She said, "I would say, 'no.'" Rarity straightened and a dark, serious expression drifted theatrically over her face. As she crept closer to me, she said, her voice lowering ominously, "The pony who ruins a surprise for somepony else has to live with that guilt forever!" I gasped. It was another type of Pinkie Promise, without the swearing part! Even if by chance you learned a secret, the forever clause bound you—me. I remembered telling uncounted ponies that they could lose their friends forever were they to break a promise. And suddenly I realized how I had terrorized those who wavered, because I too was now terrorized. And, I had wavered. I now knew how my victims felt. Either you kept secrets or you avoided them, but you had to do the right thing. But ponies needed to make their decision, as did I, at this moment, right now. I hoped this was the right thing because I knew at that moment that nobody but me and the Cakes knew the secret. Not even Time Turner—because he wasn't here. I was back at the very beginning. I had another chance. My nervous-excitement hit a fever pitch and I began bouncing around the room. And I broke a wall. Sorry! But I had to get away from my friends for awhile. And I would have a lot to do. Deliveries. Balloons. And I would apologize to Twilight after I could explain what had happened, which of course she would say was scientifically not possible, just as Time Turner—Doc—had. As it was, I barely survived the day. I managed to hold it in until I was back in the castle in the early afternoon. Despite Twilight's protests to the contrary, I knew Cadance and Shining would arrive and they did just in time as I began to fail. Trusty Shining interrupted my blathering shame and changed what I had been saying before I got to the baby part. Crisis averted.
Crisis Averted: Party AftermathAt the party, after the princess and the prince consort had revealed the baby secret, I sat at a table putting myself back together. Cadance, nice and sweet as she had ever been now that I had not revealed her secret after all, brought a piece of cake in her magic. The plate clacked on the turquoise tessellated tile table before me. She giggled and said, "You did it, Pinkie Pie! You kept it a surprise! Thank you! Was it much trouble?" Looking at the double-fudge strawberry brandy-infused layered ganache flourless chocolate cake, I stated what I saw. "Piece of cake." I squee'd. Cadence laughed as she walked away. I looked toward the mirror on the wall, which reflected the mirror behind me. All my reflections silently mouthed the word "No" as I shook my head. But, you know, I could think of no better way for today to have ended. I had my friends back, though I had not lost them. I could not… well, would not imagine my day any other way. –At least until the next time I did. Author's Note Frenetic Pie is super hard to write! I want to thank my pre-reader Docontra for giving me a 11th hour critique that restored my confidence in the story. Any remaining problems or errors you find in the completed work are completely and solely mine.
