The crystal walls of Twilight’s castle shook beneath the rolling thunder. Although Spike was normally not affected by adverse weather, especially in the middle of the night, this storm in particular managed to stir him awake.

“Mmngh…” Spike rubbed the back of his claws against dry eyes and rolled over in his basket. “Not yet… too early…” Drawing the covers further over his side, he tried to ignore the noise and fall back asleep.

But the thunder was relentless. When one wave began to die down, another would follow in its wake, shaking anything even remotely loose in the castle. The clatter of crystal shards and chandeliers was more maddening than the thunder itself. Still, Spike wasn’t without his defenses: cursing the storm somewhere in the back of his drowsy mind, he reached for an extra pillow beside his basket, and promptly placed it against his exposed ear.

It didn’t help.

“Ugh.” Spike rolled over and groaned. The rattling was bad enough, but the persistent banging that came from the lower floor – that was just too much. If the noise didn’t stop soon, he would probably have to…

“...Wait.” Spike sat up, letting the pillow slide to the floor. “Is that…?”

Spike focused his attention on the noise, which presently had disappeared. Seconds passed before it returned, and sure enough, it was consistent. Deliberate. Coming from the first floor.

It took a moment for Spike to blink himself awake enough before he could consider climbing out of his basket. Once he did, he quickly regretted it; the chill that filled the room was far more intense than earlier. Now that he was up though, he might as well check, even though it seemed unlikely. “There’s no way somepony would be knocking on the door this late at night, especially in this storm.”

On frigid claws, Spike made his way down the hall, down the stairs, down another hall, and you get the idea. Once on the first floor, he noticed a clock on one of the walls read far later than he expected – nearly an hour past sunrise. He looked up through one of the nearby windows. The world was as black as night.

Furrowing his brow, Spike hurried his pace. The banging returned, clearly coming from the front doors of the foyer. Once there, he pulled one of the doors open, letting in a plume of freezing mist, as well as— “P-Princess Luna?!”

The dark blue alicorn hastily trotted inside, her starry mane and tail billowing sluggishly from the rainwater collected. Her sapphire eyes locked with Spike’s, frantic and concerned. “Twilight. Rainbow Dash. Where are they?”

Spike gawked at the alicorn before giving a reply. “I-I think they’re in her bedroom.” Shoving the door closed, he said, “What are you doing here, Princess? And in the middle of this storm, of all things?” He looked over his shoulder.

Luna had already disappeared.

__________

Princess Luna’s hoofsteps echoed against the crystalline walls, broken only by the bursts of thunder that shook the overhead fixtures. She was thankful she remembered where Twilight’s sleeping quarters were located, thanks to the sleepover they had not so long ago. She could only hope she was not too late; if it hadn’t been for her royal duties, namely setting the moon, she would have arrived far sooner. Although the situation was not life-threatening, losing a connection with a pony’s dream is never a good sign. Especially given the circumstances.

Racing down halls and up stairwells, she eventually made her way to the corridor that led to Twilight’s room. The doors were shut. Reaching out with her magic, she carefully cracked open one of the doors and slowed her gallop to a canter. Pushing it further open with a hoof, she peeked inside. “Twilight?”

In the dark, frigid recesses of the room, Princess Luna noticed a tangled mess of sheets lying haphazardly off the far side of the bed, an open book sitting on top. She stepped inside and squinted her eyes, until she noticed two sleeping mares huddled beneath a single comforter on the floor.

Princess Luna walked over to the bedside. Twilight and Rainbow Dash, illuminated only by the flickering lightning, lay shivering in each other’s embrace. From what she could sense, the two were safely in the realm of restful sleep; the residual magic of Twilight’s spell was too weak to induce a dream. She could only imagine how exhausted the two must have become to reach this point on their own, which only made it harder for her to wake them up.

Calling upon a spell of her own, Luna carefully coaxed Twilight and Rainbow out of slumber. Two simultaneous yawns greeted her before a set of bleary eyes looked her way.

Rainbow was the first to speak. “Wh… where…” She rubbed an eye and blinked. “Princess?”

“Luna?” Twilight murmured, lazily propping herself upright. “What are you…?”

“Take your time, my little ponies.” Princess Luna gave her warmest smile. “You’ve had a long night.”

__________

Twilight and Rainbow Dash sat across from each other at a small breakfast nook. To one side sat Princess Luna, taking a sip of some hot tea that Spike had brewed only moments ago. On the other sat an empty chair, which Spike would no doubt occupy soon as he finished preparing breakfast. Two tea cups and a pitcher sat in the center of the table, their porcelain rattling with the occasional thunder.

Neither Twilight nor Rainbow had touched their drinks. Last night’s affairs had left them both too exhausted and too weak to care about anything other than food – that, and whatever Princess Luna had to say. Twilight was the most nervous of the two about this particular point, worried that at any moment the Princess would begin a lecture against improper spell use. Rainbow on the other hoof was too groggy to really formulate any coherent thought, other than ‘hungry’ and ‘tired.’ One thing that did loom in the back of both their minds, however, was what impact the spell would have now that all was said and done.

Which was the very subject Luna chose to first address. “I noticed when I first arrived that you two were in deep sleep.” She took another sip of her tea, then set the cup on its saucer, casting her gaze on Twilight. “That much is a good sign.”

Twilight leaned forward to rest her forelegs on the table. A strong desire to lie down all the way swam over her, but she mustered enough energy to reply. “A good sign versus what, exactly?”

“Permanent, transient conscious fusion.”

Rainbow blinked tiredly from where she lay against the table, using a fetlock as a pillow. “Permatrannywhatnow?”

“Simply put, it is when two minds fuse together beyond the subconscious level,” the Princess said. “This includes everything from the words you think to yourself, to the images and memories you conjure, to the sounds, smells, and tastes you sense. At its worst, the effects can even transition into touch.”

“Hence the ‘conscious’ part, I assume,” Twilight said. She looked over at Rainbow. “Can you hear what I’m thinking right now?”

Rainbow, with a lazy shift of her head, glanced over at Twilight. “Blueberry pancakes.”

Twilight blinked, scrunching her muzzle. “Um… no, actually.”

“Drat.” Rainbow relaxed and closed her eyes. “S’what you were dreaming about yesterday.”

Luna and Twilight stared blankly at Rainbow for a moment. “Anyway,” Twilight continued, “do you know what damage was done?”

“Perhaps you can tell me,” Luna said, sitting back in her chair. “What happened after we last spoke in the dream? Provided you remember it.”

“I do.” Twilight rubbed between her eyes. “We do.”

For the next few minutes, Twilight gave a breakdown of the events, from soon after she dove off Cloudsdale until the dream’s end. Although Rainbow bordered on sleep the whole time, she never could fall all the way – the prospect of a hot breakfast was too enticing. Eventually, when she heard Twilight’s story trail off, she sat up and yawned, stretching her back.

“Did I miss anything?” Twilight asked.

“Hm?” Rainbow rubbed her eyes and looked at Twilight. “Uh, no.” Not that she had a clue. “You mentioned the mind-reading part, right?”

Twilight gasped. “I actually forgot about that!”

Rainbow managed a weak smirk.

“So,” Twilight said, turning to Luna, “not long before the dream’s end, when we were working to shrink Gilda, Rainbow and I shared a moment where we… well…” Her gaze drifted and she rubbed her neck. “It’s hard to explain. It was like we could talk to each other telepathically. But it was more than that… like we could sense each other’s thoughts and feelings. Kind of like what you mentioned about sharing the words we were thinking to ourselves.” She furrowed her brow. “Not clearly, of course. Everything was a bit obscure. I don’t know if that’s because we were in a dream, or what the reason was. But it definitely happened.”

Princess Luna nodded. She lifted her tea and took a sip, glancing over at Rainbow. “How long did this persist?”

Rainbow rubbed the side of her head. “Mmm… I don’t know. Not long.” Trying to remember that moment specifically brought about a pain in her skull that felt sickeningly similar to the one she felt in the dream. “Ugh. This dang headache’s back.”

Princess Luna’s eyes narrowed slightly. She sat back, placing her tea on the table. “Does it hurt specifically when recalling that moment?” Rainbow nodded.

“That was the same issue she had after the second time we used the spell,” Twilight said. “Although I thought that was because I hurt Rainbow in the spell-world.”

“More than likely, it was a combination of both that and the fact this spell in particular was being used.”

“Even though I made modifications to prevent the spell from affecting the body?”

Luna nodded. “Modifying a spell to suppress subconscious interaction with the physical body bears no impact on exposure effects.”

Twilight furrowed her brow. “So, my modifications prevent pain experienced in the spell-world from affecting our physical bodies, but it didn’t prevent the mental effects of using the spell.”

“Precisely.”

Twilight sighed. “Then where does that leave us in terms of the fusion?”

Princess Luna paused before answering. “Fusion begins the moment the spell is first put into use. The degree to which it matures is based on how often and for how long it is used, as well as the bond the two ponies involved share.”

Twilight and Rainbow blinked. They briefly glanced each other’s way.

“I don’t believe the fusion is complete,” Luna said, leaning forward between them with a hint of a smile. “If it were, you two would likely be going out of your minds – in the most literal sense.”

“Do you know what sort of effects will remain, if any?” Twilight asked.

“Not yet. I will need to do some dream studies with both you and Rainbow over the next couple of weeks.” Luna turned to Rainbow. “But from the sound of it, I don’t believe the damage will be severe enough to merit worry.”

Rainbow raised an eyebrow. “Hey, don’t look at me. I’m too tired to be worried about anything.”

Luna smiled, and Twilight managed a breathy chuckle.

With the details now out of the way, Twilight and Rainbow took time to enjoy their tea before they cooled. Soon, Spike was out serving a platter of pancakes and sugary toppings, though Luna chose to part ways before grabbing a bite. Twilight decided beforehoof that she would keep the details limited when explaining the matter to Spike – not only to prevent unnecessary concern, but the nature of what took place was mature enough in nature to merit glossing over some points. In the end, Twilight explained it off as a failed spell they were trying for fun that got them stuck in a dream.

After the three had their fill, Spike cleared the table and took to cleaning the kitchen, leaving Twilight and Rainbow alone for the first time since last night. Although exhaustion still loomed over their nerves, a hearty breakfast helped to lift their spirits, though that didn’t keep a tense silence from settling between the two.

Twilight wasn’t sure what to say. She wasn’t even sure if there was anything to say. Until Luna could perform her dream studies, there was nothing more to discuss. At least, as far as the dream and the spell were concerned. That of course didn’t take into account the events that occurred in the dream, let alone the pony with whom she shared them. Sitting silent in her seat, hooves neatly folded in her lap, she looked across the table at Rainbow.

Rainbow idly watched the storm pour out of a nearby window, fidgeting with her hooves. Her breaths came in slow waves, and her head felt fuzzy from the broken sleep. She felt Twilight looking her way, but she wasn’t sure what to say or do. The last few hours had left her somewhere between confused and numb; there were few times she could remember ever feeling so worn, and she wasn’t sure she could afford the energy to hash anything out further. Not to mention…

“What is it?” Twilight asked, her voice unusually light.

Rainbow’s closest ear flicked her way. She furrowed her brow at the window a moment before looking over. “I’m worried about this storm.”

Twilight blinked. For a second, Rainbow could have sworn she read disappointment in her expression, before she turned to look out the window as well. “It does seem unusually violent.”

Rainbow nodded. “I’m worried the weather over the Everfree’s messing with this storm we made. It happens sometimes when we set up a bigger storm like this, but usually I would hear from the weather team if anything was wrong.”

Twilight hummed. “Well, would they know to look for you here at the castle?”

Rainbow blinked. “Oh.” She gave a dry chuckle. “Good point.”

Drawing a longer breath, Twilight clambered off her seat and pushed the chair back under the table. “I guess you need to check in with them, then?”

“Yeah.” Rainbow hopped off her seat. “Betcha they’ve probably been trying to wake me up this whole time back home.” She made for the opening that led into the foyer, but hesitated when she reached the threshold. She looked back at Twilight.

The two locked gazes. Tired eyes scanned each other’s features, looking for something. Something neither of them could name.

Rainbow’s ears drooped. She didn’t know why, but something didn’t feel right. Leaving like this… it felt like something was missing.

Twilight felt her heart sink a little at the thought of Rainbow leaving. She knew she had to – she knew she had responsibilities elsewhere, especially considering the storm. Plus, she couldn’t think of any logical reason why the thought of Rainbow leaving would feel so… wrong. Like she had missed something. Like they had missed something.

After a moment, Rainbow cleared her throat and looked away. “Hey, um… Twi?”

“Yes?”

“I…” Rainbow furrowed her brow. “Um…”

Twilight’s ears flicked forward. She tilted her head ever so slightly.

Rubbing her neck, Rainbow looked at her and said, “Where do we go from here?”

Twilight drew a breath. The sinking feeling in her chest paused. “I figure at this point, you’re probably tired of talking everything out.”

Rainbow shook her head. “We’ve talked about a lot already, I know. But after the end of that last dream… after everything that’s happened since I came over…”

“We need closure,” Twilight said.

Rainbow exhaled. “Yeah. That.”

Twilight nodded. A sense of relief washed over her, and she smiled.

Rainbow smiled as well.

Author's Note

You have reached the ghostly remnants of a long-since abandoned and once-deleted fic... welcome, reader.

This story was but one chapter shy of bringing the journey to a close, and at one point, I had such a chapter posted. But as you can find in the comments, I was unhappy with the results. I not only wished to bring the story to an end by a given date, I also knew that had I not done so, there could potentially be no end - but not due simply to writer's block.

This story was special to me. This is the most personal creative work I have ever produced. Through writing its chapters, I explored my own interest with the fetish - interest which I had only discovered two years prior to this story's conception, and which I fought fervently to not pursue. I was scared when exposed to it, like Rainbow Dash. But I fawned over it, just as she did beneath Twilight's might. So when I typed the first words to this chapter, it came at a breaking point in my life, and I decided to go from resisting, to diving head-long into the fetish.

With time, I began to feel as if I might find closure and resolution with my relationship to the fetish. But do you see the language in that sentence? "Closure." "Resolution." I wanted to end my relationship. I knew I couldn't dispose of my interest, but I did want control, and I wanted to exercise that control to end the pursuit of the fetish.

It's been five years at the time of writing this since the story was initially published, and to this day, I have not gained that control - not to the full extent that I wished. And long before today as I write this, when I discovered that "closure" and "resolution" I wanted would likely not come for some time, if ever, I gave this story an ending which did not at all reflect where I was with the fetish. Had I done so, it would have shown, and had I been able to accept it could not and would not happen at that time, I believe I would have been happy with such an end.

So, reader, I have this much to say, all these years later:

To seek and gain control over one's decision-making on how to pursue or not pursue their desires is healthy. 'Course, that may be a "duh" statement - being in control of one's own self is healthy. But to seek and gain control over one's desires as a whole is not as cut and dry. Even though on the surface that wasn't what I was trying to do at the time, I believe there was a part of me which wished to put as much distance between myself and the fetish as to make it as close to not having the desires as possible. A fruitless pursuit, and certainly not a healthy one in this context.

So, if you found any healthy relatability to this story, and found the lack of an ending to be disappointing - well, for one, you're not alone. I still hate seeing this story unfinished.

But for another, if you too have a tumultuous relationship with your own fetish, I would ask that you consider the words I've written here. Perhaps you're already approaching it from a healthy angle - in which case, that's absolutely awesome, and I'm happy that is the case! But if upon introspection that you find that may not be true, then I hope this note finds you well, and can help you to regroup and move forward from a new angle.

Sadly, I have no tangible input to give - meaning I have no particular strategies or things you can do to offer. My journey has been nebulous at best and ambiguous at worst. But, if you move forward with a holistically honest approach - to know and embrace what it is you want and don't want, to gain control over your decision-making on the subject, and to make the corresponding decisions you desire - then you'll be on the right path.

I discovered that I thoroughly enjoy the fetish in a certain softcore, loving, non-harmful, intimate way (think 1v1 micro vs any variant of macro). But there are only select contexts in which I am comfortable pursuing it, and I don't always pursue it strictly within those contexts. I sometimes stray from the aforementioned way and into more hardcore variants - be it artwork, stories, role-play, etc - where I find what you might call a bit of fresh air at times, but moments which always leave me deeply and thoroughly upset. Not at myself these days, as I now know my own vulnerabilities. Rather, I'm disgusted because whatever variant of the fetish I pursued simply wasn't a kind from which I actually derived enjoyment. So why do I pursue them? Well, my desires with this fetish - and I'd assume others' desires with this and / or other fetishes as well - don't boil down to strictly neat, simple, easy-to-compartmentalize terms. Even though I find the most satisfaction out of that "certain softcore, loving, non-harmful, intimate" flavor of the fetish, I can still be aroused by more hardcore stuff, given it still checks off the right boxes (e.g. someone larger and stronger than myself, placing me out of control, possibly in danger, etc). But that leaves me unsatisfied, and since those more hardcore elements actually terrify me as well, I come out of it disgusted too. Liking stuff that also scares you is a very strange thing.

*blinks* So yeah, there are my musings on the subject. Will this story ever come to an end? It may come down to, "Will my story ever come to an end?" Or perhaps if I ever find the desire to write again, I could give this story a final chapter which reflects my continued journey. Who knows. Ultimately, at the time of writing this, I have no idea - and for that, I do genuinely apologize. From a writer's perspective, I want the end to this story for you as much as I want it for myself.

From the person who has played those cards closest to his heart through this story, I want to leave it where it is for now.

In the meantime, I do hope you've enjoyed, and I also hope that if any of this applies to you, that it is of help - or, at the very least, time not wasted.

Take care, reader. I hope you have a good one.