TCB: Anon vs. Xenolestia

by Bendy

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human, Romance, Second Person, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Sex
Length: 1542

The evil Princess Celestia... Xenolestia comes to your bedroom, in order to turn you into a pony with a magic potion. Will your handsomeness be enough to save humanity from being turned into pastel zombie horses?

The evil Princess Celestia Xenolestia comes to your bedroom, in order to turn you into a pony with a magic potion.

Will your handsomeness be enough to save humanity from being turned into pastel zombie horses?

A parody of The Conversion Bureau.

Published 2015-10-26 05:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-26 05:00:02 UTC

You Face Against Xenolestia

Late at night, you a human lay fast asleep. The white blanket over you was themed with a spiraling sun. That sun was the cutie mark of an alabaster alicorn, who was known as Princess Celestia.

A sexy horse goddess with a most fine sexy ass. Her plump, fat ass was so massive and beautiful you daresay there was no finer butt in all of existence. All the other ponies with their smaller butts were nothing when compared to Princess Celestia's vastly superior, bootylicious, royal fat pony butt.

Anyway, the walls of your bedroom had many posters of Princess Celestia getting fucked up the butt by handsome humans.

Suddenly, out from nowhere, there came a blinding flash of light. Thus, you awoke with a start to see the massive, towering, alabaster alicorn known as Princess Celestia standing next to your bed.

Your penis became erect from the sight of her. However, that soon stopped when you noticed the harsh glare she was giving you.

"Evil human, your form is inferior! I Princess Celestia, savior of humanity, all powerful, immortal pony goddess and ruler of Equestria shall grant you the honor of being the first of all humanity to become a pony and live in eternal happiness under my watchful eye."

Those words from her deflated your boner rapidly.

"Dammit! Why did it have to be this ‘Celestia’? Why not one with a human fetish?!" came your angry thoughts.

Celestia growled angrily as she stomped her hooves.

"I assure you vile ape, there is no such thing as a Celestia with a human fetish!" she shouted.

"Fuck! You can read my thoughts?!" you bellowed.

"Yes, you filthy monkey! I am an all powerful god pony! You are a mere human with a small penis!"

You crossed your arms glaring at her angrily. "Yeah well, I could always finger bang you with my hands!"

"Ewww!" she said, jumping backward with a look of terror on her face. "Keep those things away from me you dirty ape!"

You looked at her with bedroom eyes as you gave her a nasty grin. "Are you sure, my fingers got your sister to scream my name as I played with her magical pony pussy."

"What?! How could you--"

"Your sister, possibly an alternate one from another universe teleported into my universe last night. Thankfully she had a human fetish, we talked and cuddled a little, before we fucked like jackrabbits!"

"But… you’re penis is so small human! How could you even get her to orgasm?!"

"Three words: Penis growing magic!"

"Yeah well, there shall be no human and pony sex between us you filthy ape!"

"Come on, you’ll love my hands," you said sensually with bedroom eyes while flexing your fingers at her.

You could have sworn, for a brief moment, you had saw a blush on her cheek, but it was soon drowned out in her rage.

"HUMANS ARE ALL EVIL BASTARDS!" she roared in the traditional royal canterlot voice. "I hate you human and all your species! You are bad for the environment and are all greedy warlike savages, who are destroying your world. I and my ponies have come to save you shit eating monkeys by turning you into ponies! Without my help, humanity is doomed to die here on Earth!"

She took a deep breath before continuing.

"Me and my little ponies are far superior than stupid, soulless humans! We are the only good sapient species! All ponies are good and perfect moral beings! Every non pony is a bastard! Us ponies are the immortal apex race of the multiverse! Thus, we can morally justify wiping out lesser species like you, because we are superior to you in every way."

"Whoa.. you guys are elitist cunts. I bet you’re not invincible!"

"Oh yeah! Watch this!" she said in a mocking tone.

The massive mare proceeded to stand up on your bed, casting a dark shadow over you. The newly added huge weight of her body had caused the wooden supports of your bed to creak loudly.

Next her horn became surrounded in a golden aura, before there was a flash of light, followed by the appearance of a massive minigun. It was wrapped in a golden aura as it floated in mid air from behind her.

A nasty grin came upon her face as she levitated it toward her backside, where she positioned the gun’s thick tip before the entrance of her vagina.

Celestia moaned lustfully as she thrust the massive gun into her pussy. With the gun now in place, she proceeded to shoot the gun into her pony pussy at full auto. The feel of the spinning minigun's thick shaft inside her pussy only added to the pleasure as it fired long and thick bullets deep into her vagina at rapid speed. The bullets not even leaving a scratch on her body as they hit her.

Celestia continued to moan aloud as she used the minigun like a dildo as she thrust it back and forth inside her pussy. Soon, the sheer mass of bullets became too much, thus the bullets and her cum soon began to flow out from her marehood and thus made a terrible mess on your bed.

Eventually, the minigun ran out of ammo. Smoke spewed out from her marehood as she levitated the gun out. She kissed the gun’s tip, before she tossed it aside, creating a loud bang as it hit the floor hard.

"See? Your guns are useless! My body can withstand the heat and pressure of a hypergiant star's core without even a scratch. You can’t hope to stop me from turning all humans into ponies!"

"I-I," you began nervously, before your eyes caught sight of a poster of Nicolas Cage, aka The God Emperor of Mankind upon the wall behind her. With new found courage thanks to Emperor Nicolas Cage's awesomeness you had turned back to face the evil god horse with a look of determination in your eyes. "Oh yeah, I still got some tricks up my sleeve!" you roared in defiance of her overpoweredness.

"No, you don’t. It’s time to drink the ponification potion! You shall become the general of my newfoal armies," her horn flashed, followed by the appearance of a glass vial above you, which contained a pink liquid. "Drink up."

"No! Wait!" you shouted in panic as she levitated the potion toward your face. "Before you enslave me, can I make one last request?"

"Hmm, " she hummed as she rubbed her chin thoughtfully. "OK. As long as it is within reason."

"Can… can I give you a belly rub?" you said in a low voice with a look of hope in your eyes.

"Certainly not! I’m not some ape fucking whorse!" she shouted, eyes narrowing angrily.

"Please, just for a few minutes. Please, I want to remember this before you turn me into a small smiling zombie horse." you said in a low voice, tears in your eyes.

She sighed in annoyance with a hoof over her forehead. "Oh, alright."

Celestia levitated the potion aside, placing it gently upon the counter next to your bed, before she lay herself down next to you. "Make it quick, I got a world to destroy-- I mean save."

Wasting no time you brought both hand to begin rubbing her belly.

Celestia smiled nervously, biting her lower lip as her body began to shake from the wonderful feeling of your hands.

"What sorcery is this?!" she shouted in a shocked voice. "How does this feel so--" she unleashed a loud sensual moaned as you began to more roughly rub your hands against her belly. "Oh human! Your hands! They feel so amazing!"

Celestia whined sadly when you abruptly pulled your hands away from her belly. "Hey, I was enjoying that! Why did you--" she stopped speaking when you placed your hands upon her shoulders, giving them a gentle rub. "Oh… human. I don’t want to turn all humans into ponies anymore."

Her body began to glow in blinding light, just before there was a fiery demon in the shape of a fat neckbeard flying out from her body.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Curse you Anon!" it said before fading away into nothing.

"I’m a monster!" she screamed, tears falling down her cheeks.

You wrapped your arms around her long, swan like neck. "Hey, you’re not a monster. You were just possessed by a fat misanthropic neckbeard demon. You are now the real good and sexy Celestia."

"But, how can you ever--" you silenced her, by pressing your lips against her’s.

Celestia’s eyes went wide in shock, before she closed them as she moaned in bliss giving in to your kiss.

As you continued to kiss Celestia her horn had flashed briefly, before the ponification potion next to your bed was vapourized into a puff of smoke.

And so, you saved humanity from being turned into smiling pastel zombie ponies and had amazing sex with an overpowered, yet good and sexy, non xenocidal maniac god pony.

The End

Author's Note

Even TCB Celestia is no match against the power of Anon.

This fan fiction was brought to you by beer. Lots of beer!

Beer is humanity's greatest invention!