Southern Discomfort

by zaponator

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Comedy
Length: 2747

When the Mane 6 have a costume party to celebrate Nightmare Night, Applejack shows up in a costume that Rainbow Dash finds... distracting.

When the Mane 6 have a costume party to celebrate Nightmare Night, Applejack shows up in a costume that Rainbow Dash finds… distracting.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-02-21 01:15:44 UTC

Like, Really Awkward

Fall was in the air. The moon hung high and bright in the night sky above a chilly town below. What few leaves remained on trees displayed kaleidoscopic arrays of orange, red, and yellow. It wasn't just any fall day though, but a very special one. Countless ponies were out and about, dressed in creative or frightening costumes. They laughed and played games and collected candy in pumpkin-shaped buckets.

Nightmare Night, the second-best food-themed holiday of the year, was in full swing.

Yet for all the ponies enjoying the public festivities, there were some who chose to celebrate with small parties of their own. At least one house on each block was brightly lit and pumping with music and levity.

In the very center of town, Twilight's castle was relatively quiet, but it was not empty. Several friends stood inside the main room preparing for a low-key evening with just their close circle of friends, plus Spike.

Twilight Sparkle was putting on the last few finishing touches for the party, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy all had yet to arrive, and Rarity and Rainbow Dash were... helping.

"Guess my costume!" Rainbow Dash stood, bounced really, with a big dumb grin stretching from ear to ear. She faced Rarity, who was dressed in a high-collared black robe, dark purple eyeshadow, and a set of false fangs.

Rarity tapped her chin. "Are you... a novelist?" she asked with a tilt of the head.

Rainbow Dash huffed. "No! I'm Caneighdian!"

"...I don't get it."

"Twilight!" Rainbow Dash called across the room.

Twilight Sparkle was busily setting up a table of snacks and beverages, but glanced towards Rarity and Rainbow  upon hearing her name called. "What do you need, Rainbow Dash?"

"You can tell what my costume is, right?" Rainbow struck a pose and smiled proudly, showing off her red flannel jacket, blue jeans, and hiking boots.

Twilight squinted for several seconds before brightening suddenly with a cry of, "Aha!" Her features then sagged. "No, I've got nothing."

"Dangit!" Rainbow Dash crossed her forelimbs. "Knew I shoulda bought a toque..."

Rarity stifled a giggle under the weight of Rainbow's glare. Twilight nudged a few more decorations into place with the sparkling glow of her magic, then nodded in satisfaction and moved over to stand with the other two. She took a second to adjust her white lab coat, worn over a simple blue T-shirt, and straightened out her frizzy grey wig.

At that moment the front door burst open and Pinkie Pie cartwheeled into the room, followed shortly behind by Fluttershy.

"Happy Arbor Day, everypony!" Pinkie exclaimed as she twirled to a stop next to Rainbow Dash.

Rainbow squinted. "It's Nightmare Night, Pinkie."

"Pfft!" Pinkie waved a hoof. "Same thing." She turned aside and grinned. "Hey! Nice serial killer costume, Dashie!"

"It's not—"

"And just where is your costume, Darling?" Rarity squinted at Pinkie Pie, who was in fact wearing nothing at all. "Don't tell me you—of all ponies—forgot to wear a Nightmare Night costume."

"No way, silly Vampirity!" Pinkie spread her forehooves and beamed. "I'm dressed up as one of the Pinkie-Clones! Remember those?" She giggle-snorted. "Snnkt, references..."

"Oh, um, hello, girls." If not for the fact that she'd spoken, Fluttershy's presence at Rarity's side would have gone entirely unnoticed.

"Gah!" Rarity flinched back from the unexpected proximity of the stealthy pegasus. "Fluttershy, darling, you know that you can be unsettlingly quiet at times."

"Oh, uh, thanks." Fluttershy fidgeted.

Twilight squinted. "I like your... ghost costume?"

Fluttershy sighed from beneath her plain white bedsheet and turned her eyeholes towards the ground. "I was worried it would be too scary. I was pretty frightened when I looked at myself in the mirror. I'm not frightening anypony, am I? I'm sorry. Oh, I'll just go home and change..."

"It's fine, Fluttershy! Jeeze," Rainbow Dash grumbled.

"Oh, thank you, Rainbow Dash." Fluttershy smiled rosily. "I really like your lumberjack costume by the way."

"It's not..." Rainbow hesitated. "Meh, you know what? Close enough." She shrugged. "I'm getting a drink."

Rainbow Dash wandered off towards the punch bowl just in time to miss the door opening and the final guest arriving behind her back. Spike was standing next to the refreshments, and he gave Rainbow Dash a wave as she approached. The little dragon was wearing a black cowl with pointed ears, and a flowing black cape.

Rainbow nodded and took a cup of punch before commenting, "Aren't you a little short to be Batmane?"

Spike pointed and raised a single eyebrow. "Aren't you a little stereotypical to be from Torontoats?"

"Pfft, fair enough." Rainbow Dash took a sip of punch, then waved vaguely over her shoulder towards the gathering of friends across the room. "Shouldn't you be over there talking to Vampire-Rarity?"

"I can't..."

"Why not?"

"Batmane is afraid of bats."

"...kay." Rainbow blinked. "Welp, good talk. I'm gonna... go."

"It's cool. I'm just happy someone remembered to come talk to me at all."

Rainbow shook her head and turned away. "Yeah, you just keep doing you. Laters!"

As she trotted back towards her friends, punch in hoof, Rainbow Dash noticed that they were clustered too closely together for her to catch sight of Applejack, who must have been positioned on the other side of the little group. She shrugged and trotted up while taking a sip. Only as soon as she reached the gathering...

"PFFFFFTTTT!" Every bit of drink in Rainbow's mouth was forcefully projected outwards the moment she caught sight of Applejack's outfit.

The mare in question was wearing a small black dress with white frills on the skirt, complimented by an equally frilly white apron. She had on tight white leggings, and black shoes, as well as a small white hat that replaced her usual stetson. Applejack was dressed as a Prench maid. Rainbow's wings sprung upwards with an audible pomf.

All conversation had ceased upon Rainbow Dash's explosive arrival, and all five of her friends were giving her odd looks.

"Uh..." Applejack squinted. "You alright there, Rainbow?"

"As a rock."

"Say what now?"

"Uh... I-I mean, y-yeah! You're good, I mean I'm good! Everything's good. How are you?"

Applejack blinked. "...good."

"Welp, it's getting late, eh? Great party, Twilight. See you girls next year!" Rainbow turned and strode towards the door, but before she could make it two steps, Pinkie Pie corralled her back to the group with a hoof around her shoulders.

"Heehee! Good one, Dashie, but the party is just starting!"

"Heh, yeah!" Applejack nodded. "I know I ran a few minutes late on account of this here complicated get-up, but I hope I didn't miss the whole dang thing." She fidgeted with her outfit, gripping and pulling at the skirt to get it back into alignment.

Rainbow Dash reached up and closed her own mouth with a forehoof before any drool could escape.

"I must say though, darling, you've quite outdone yourself!" Rarity smiled Applejack's way. "You look simply marvelous. Where exactly did you get it?"

Applejack paused in her fidgeting. Her eyebrows were knit together when she looked up. "Funny you should ask. I went to what I thought was a costume place, but they had all sorts of other weird stuff there. Whips and saddles and such." She shrugged. "Probably a stageprop store or somethin'. Anyhow, the address was... hmm..."

Applejack had only just began to tap her chin in thought when Rarity spoke up through a small grin. "2625 Butterscotch Avenue?"

"Uh... yeah." Applejack nodded. "That sounds right."

"Mmm, a good choice."

"...sure." Applejack squinted at Rarity a moment longer, then turned to Rainbow Dash with a smile. "I like your costume there, Rainbow. It's one of them ponies from that band with the blue record, right?"

"Uh huh. Totally." Rainbow Dash nodded dumbly, her cheeks rosy.

Rarity glanced over curiously. "But I thought you said—"

"Hey!" Rainbow cut in. "Who wants some punch!? I could go for some punch right about now!"

"Um..." Fluttershy raised a white-clad hoof. "You have a glass of punch. It's in your hoof. Sorry."

Rainbow Dash blinked above a plastic grin. In one swift motion she downed the entire glass of punch like a shot.

Applejack smiled. "Grab me a glass too, would ya? I could use a little something to cool off. I swear, I'm sweatin' up a storm in all these frilly fabrics. This keeps up I might have to peel a layer or two off, if'n y'all don't mind."

Rainbow Dash's eyes couldn't possibly grow any wider. Before she had a chance to restart her brain, she uttered in a tin voice, "I could help..."

Five sets of eyes slowly swiveled to face her. Rainbow Dash blushed furiously.

"H-Help get you a drink, I mean! Punch! Right! Punch for everpony!" She stumbled awkwardly away while trying to force her wings back against her sides.

Upon reaching the punchbowl, Rainbow Dash immediately slammed three more cups, shuddering as she felt the ice cold beverage cool her off, if only a little. She glanced up after chugging the third and saw Spike shooting her an odd look.

"You want some, Spike?" Rainbow Dash held out a cup.

Spike's eyes widened. "Oh, no! I can't. Twilight said it was special adult punch and I'm not allowed to drink it 'til I'm older." He fidgeted. "Besides, she always gets... weird when she has adult punch. No thanks."

Rainbow Dash stared in silence, only then realizing just how warm she was beginning to feel.

"Well crap. That's gonna make things super worse." She frowned at the punch for several moments, making sure that it knew just how angry she was with it.

"Last time she ended up taking down all the books from the main library and relocated them to a random hallway in the west wing. It took me four hours to find her and she'd constructed a monolith out of the entire non-fiction section." Spike shuddered. "We don't go there anymore."

Rainbow Dash blinked. "...cool cool." She glanced down at her already-poured fourth glass, shrugged, and downed it. "Meh, waste not," she burped. "Welp, see ya later, Spike!"

"You're the only one who talks to me."

"Cool! Bye!" Rainbow turned and trotted back to her little circle of friends with an array of punch glasses carefully balanced across her outstretched wings.

"Punch up, girls!" She threw on her biggest grin and tried desperately not too look at Applejack or Applejack's sea of frills and lace or how—dear Celestia—the pristine white leggings clung to every muscular contour of her limbs.

"Hey, Dashie!" Pinkie's voice snapped Rainbow back to reality.

"Huh? No I wasn't!" Rainbow shook her head violently, then stared at Pinkie. "What?"

"Would'ja mind bringing the punchies just a teensy-weensy bittie closer? I can't reach the delicious goodness way up there!"

Rainbow Dash blinked. She glanced back and saw that her wings were stretched as far as they could go towards the ceiling, somehow still balancing the glasses atop them. She cleared her throat and attempted to hide a fierce blush behind a forehoof.

"R-Right, my bad! Here..." Rainbow's face screwed up in concentration and she grunted with effort as she slowly managed to lower her wings to the point where her friends could reach them. Each of them took a glass and sipped liberally, humming in appreciation.

"Whew-whee, this is some pretty good drink, Twilight," Applejack declared smilingly.

The rest of the girls nodded and voiced their own agreement, while Rainbow Dash...

"I could drown in a sea of lace..."

"What was that?"

Rainbow blinked and realized she was staring, hard at Applejack and her silk-laden body, and at the frills and the lace and that hat! She stared even harder for a second before remembering there was a conversation happening.

"Uh... I-I mean punch! Heheh! I could drown in a sea of this stuff!" She slammed yet another glass back and glanced at each of her friends with a manic grin. "It's just that good!"

"I'd be careful, Rainbow," Twilight chided. "I made this myself, and it's pretty strong."

"Yeah she is..." Rainbow reached up and slapped herself across the face. "I mean yeah it is! Good stuff, yeah!"

Pinkie giggled and took a long swig of her own drink. Fluttershy and Rarity sipped daintily, and Twilight was somehow already sporting three empty cups. Applejack squinted at Rainbow for a minute then shrugged and downed her own whole glass.

"Phew!" Applejack fanned herself. "Twi ain't lyin'. Don't rightly know how you pound 'em back so fast, Rainbow."

Rainbow Dash twitched. "Don't say 'pound'..."

Rarity smoothed out her black cloak and coughed lightly. "Yes, I for one don't normally partake in... drinking, but I must say this is quite enjoyable."

"But Rarity," Fluttershy blinked widely. "What about all those bottles of wine—"

"And we agreed not to talk about that..."

"Sorry." Fluttershy took a long pull from her glass and then gazed at the floor.

"So, Twi," Applejack turned to face Twilight. "What're you supposed to be anyhow? Some kinda science mare?"

Twilight burped loudly and took a long swig from yet another glass. "Don't worry about it," she grumbled.

"Oh... kay," Applejack mumbled. She wiped at her brow. "Is it still hot in here, or is—"

"It's just you!" Rainbow Dash blurted. Applejack stared at her, and Rainbow stared back. Both of their mouths were set in thin lines and their expressions were neutral.

Finally, Applejack's expression cracked and she let out a giggle. "Heheh, good one there, Rainbow."

"Yeah..." Rainbow Dash squinted and took a slow sip of punch. One ear twitched. "A good joke."

"So, cousin..." Pinkie Pie grinned wide beneath waggling eyebrows. "How are things down there on the farm anyway?"

"Can't complain." Applejack shrugged. "Been a lot of bucking lately though."

Rainbow Dash twitched.

"Honestly I'm happy for this here little break. Been gettin' a mite sore after clearin' all them trees, y'know? My hind-legs could use a massage somethin' fierce, no doubt."

"Hnng," Rainbow Dash bit down hard on the tip of her hoof.

"Lemme show ya," Applejack smiled and turned around. She then hiked up her skirt to expose her tri-apple cutie mark. Then she poked and prodded right around the cutie mark itself. "See, right in there, that's all wound up tight."

Pinkie Pie leaned forward and poked Applejack's cutie mark for herself. "Oooh, yeah, your kickers are all as hard as a rock candy. Owie!" She turned and grinned Rainbow's way. "Hey, Dashie, come feel this! It's crazy!" A beat. "Dashie?"

Rainbow Dash was staring, and staring, and staring until her eyes were a thousand yards out of focus. Suddenly she twitched, shook, and spun around on a dime. Rainbow strode swiftly towards the punch table, only pausing to call out over her shoulder.

"I'll get—HIC—some more drinks!" She stomped over the table and stumbled to a stop, swaying a bit. "Hey, Spike," she grunted.

"Hey," Spike waved. He rocked back and forth on his heels. "How's the party going?"

"I'm losin' it! Five more minutes of this crap and I'm gonna melt, I swear to Celestia..." Rainbow Dash gripped her head between her hooves. "Just gotta hold myself together. Gotta focus! I can do this without causing a horribly embarrassing incident, ruining my friendships, and having to move to a new town and change my name." She frowned. "I hate it when that happens."

"Yeah, cool," Spike mumbled.

"Alright, Spike, thanks for the pep talk!" Rainbow Dash refilled several glasses and turned to go.

"Will you be back?" Spike whimpered. "I get really lonely sometimes."

"Dunno, maybe. See ya!"

When Rainbow returned to the little circle of friends, they'd all taken seats on various floor cushions that Twilight had brought over. Rainbow Dash took up a seat next to Fluttershy while making a point not to look towards a certain scrumptious apple-themed member of the group.

//they continue some silly inane conversation that was already happening

//something something Neighgara Falls

Rainbow marched directly to the punchbowl and without any preamble shoved her entire head deep into its fruity, alcohol-y depths.

Spike winced and plaintively raised a hand. "Uh, that's kinda super gross... on a few levels."

//more talking, more super awkwardness at even more ridiculous levels, and more drinking

//Twilight gets more 'Rick' with every passing moment. Eventually she starts going on about "really crazy science stuff" and whatnot.

//End with some really absurd science thing causing some really absurd catastrophe or whatever