We Are Apple Pie

by Maran

Rating: everyone
Tags: Maud Pie, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Applejack, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Pie Sisters
Length: 1464

Limestone feels insulted when Apple Bloom compares her to Applejack. But Apple Bloom may not be that far off the mark.

As Hearth's Warming winds down, Limestone feels insulted when Apple Bloom compares her to Applejack. But Apple Bloom may not be that far off the mark.

Published 2015-10-26 02:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-26 02:50:02 UTC

We Are Apple Pie

Maud Pie had finished her Hearth's Warming carols, and the festivities were winding down as both the Pie and Apple families reclined in the livingroom. Granny Smith snored softly.

“Y'know, Limestone,” said Apple Bloom as she finished eating a sweet roll, “I wasn't expectin' yer cutie mark to be so...literal.”

“What do you mean?” Limestone said sharply, which was how she said everything. “What do you care about my cutie mark anyway?”

Apple Bloom's ears flicked. “It's kinda my thing. I love figurin' out what ponies' cutie marks mean.”

“Oh, yeah? Well, what is your cutie mark supposed to be, an amethyst? I thought you were an Apple.”

“It's a shield that has an apple within a heart,” explained Apple Bloom. “It means that I'll always stand by my friends and family and take good care of 'em.”

“That sounds complicated,” droned Maud. “My cutie mark is complicated too. It's a geode. It represents the mysteries of rocks.” She lifted her dress to show off her seldom-seen flank.

“Maud Pie!” exclaimed Igneous. “Thou art most improper!”

Apple Bloom tilted her head. “Y'all ain't even wearin' clothes.”

Igneous let out an indignant snort. “Thou canst see that I be wearing my hat and tie! And knowest thou that I would never doff them in the sight of company!”

It was a good thing Apple Bloom liked to read her thesaurus on occasions when she was very bored, and thus knew what the word “doff” meant. She swallowed, torn between trying to salvage her earlier conversation and following the new train Igneous was taking. “Uh...why's that, Cousin Igneous?”

He waved his foreleg. “Please, call me Mr. Pie. Both of my friends doth call me by this title.”

“Okay, Mr. Pie, sir, why don't ya ever take off yer hat and tie in front of company?”

“We wear apparel as a sign of respect for one another.” Igneous straightened his tie.

“Uh, well now, that's just dandy, but not everypony likes wearin' clothes.” Apple Bloom looked pointedly at Pinkie Pie.

“Our younger daughters art free spirits,” said Cloudy Quartz in answer to Apple Bloom's implied question.

“Mm-hmm,” confirmed Marble.

“Maud art the eldest, and should therefore know better,” continued Cloudy Quartz, pushing her glasses higher up onto her nose.

“I'm sorry, Mom and Dad,” said Maud. “I just wanted to show Apple Bloom my mark. I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I would never make anypony feel uncomfortable on purpose.”

“Very well, daughter, thou art forgiven.” Igneous gave Maud an awkward pat on the back.

“So, Limestone, I was tryin' to ask you, what does yer cutie mark mean?” asked Apple Bloom.

Limestone rolled her eyes. “It's my name. Not so hard to figure out.”

“But...” Apple Bloom waved her hoof. “Why a lime?”

“Our daughter hath an acerbic demeanor,” explained Cloudy Quartz, “yet it is this very attribute that helps shape this farm, just as acid erodes rock to reveal deeper layers.”

“Oh,” Apple Bloom grinned. “That's actually really cool! Kinda like how Applejack's pushiness keeps Sweet Apple Acres runnin'.”

“Hey now,” said Applejack with a frown.

Limestone's scowl grew even more pronounced. “Tell me you're not comparing me to her.” She pointed at Applejack.

Big Mac sat up straight and narrowed his eyes, not liking Limestone's tone towards both of his little sisters.

“Well, yeah, I am.” Apple Bloom shuffled her hooves. “Yer both hardheaded, overbearin', think yer always right, and take on more responsibility than ya need to. Not to mention that AJ is the middle child, and you're sorta the middle child too.”

Limestone sneered. “You're being ridiculous. I am nothing like her, with her precious blond mane and freckles and fake niceness. At least I don't pretend to like something just to spare somepony's poor little feelings. Pssh.” She waved her foreleg in vague circles. “Who is she trying to kid with that act?”

Applejack's mouth hung open, while Big Mac stood and took a step toward Limestone. But before either of them could say anything, Pinkie spoke up.

“Excuse me, Lime!” She moved over to stand between Limestone and the Apple siblings. “You can say a lot of things about Applejack. Everything Apple Bloom said was a hundred and ten percent on point. But you are not on point!” She had the nerve to jab her hoof at Limestone's chest. “Ever since she got here, AJ has been trying to make a great Hearth's Warming for all of us in the best way she knew how. Just like you were trying to make a great Hearth's Warming for us! Yes, she's a terrible liar, but she only lied because she wanted everypony to be happy! But she didn't understand what would make us happy, because we didn't tell her. The problem wasn't 'fake niceness,' the problem was that none of us were communicating with each other the way we should!”

Limestone stared at her with wide eyes. Her mouth twisted. “Making ponies happy. I guess that's why you're such good friends, right? You both care about making others happy. I don't understand it, but I wish I did. I don't have any friends besides you, Marble and Maud.” She craned her head to look around Pinkie. “I'm sorry for what I said, Applejack. And...” She heaved a sigh. “And I should've explained why it was so important not to touch Holder's Boulder. I guess it's hard for some ponies to follow the rules if they don't understand the reasons they were made in the first place. I should've realized that.”

Applejack smiled. “That's mighty big of you sugar cube. I'm sorry too.” She walked up to stand shoulder to shoulder with Pinkie. “Now, you've got one more friend.”

She extended her hoof toward Limestone. Blinking, Limestone gave her a sincere smile that wasn't even a smirk, and she placed her hoof on top of Applejack's.

Apple Bloom bounced up on Pinkie's other side. “Make that two!”

“Eyup!” added Big Mac.

“Mm-hmm.” Marble nudged him with her shoulder, making his cheeks turn pink.

“Say, Limestone, could you give me the recipe for yer stone soup?” asked Applejack.

Limestone leaned away from her. “You're not still trying to spare my feelings, are you?”

“Naw, I actually wanna make some modifications. I reckon if I put some food in it, the soup wouldn't be half bad.”

Limestone's eyebrows lowered. “What are you saying, exactly? There's already food in it.”

“Ya want me to be real? Okay.” Applejack picked up a sweet roll. “See, this is food.” She walked over to the mantle and grabbed her gray blob of a Hearth's Warming doll. “And this is what the unicorn peasants were forced to eat during the time of the windigoes, on account of the Earth Tribe wouldn't share their food and the unicorn nobles got first pick of whatever vittles they could scrounge up,” she finished with a deadpan expression.

Limestone glared daggers at her, and Igneous and Cloudy Quartz were livid.

Apple Bloom, however, was beaming. “Oh! That must be why they eat stones! It's to remember the suffering of the unicorn peasants before the Unification! I knew there had to be a good reason! I'm right, aren't I?” She gazed eagerly at Igneous.

Igneous opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again. “Wouldst thou feel at ease if I answered yes?”

“Uh...” Apple Bloom's tail twitched. “I really would.”

Igneous and Cloudy Quartz shared a look before reaching a silent agreement.

Turning back to his distant cousin, Igneous answered, “Then, verily, it is as you yourself have said.”

“Yay!” Apple Bloom clapped her hooves together.

Limestone sidled up to her father and whispered, not too subtly, “Did you just pull an Applejack?”

He smiled. “I believe I did.”

Applejack, who had excellent hearing, said, “Could you not call it 'pulling an Applejack'?”

“Too late.” Limestone smirked.

“Has anypony seen Boulder?” Maud asked suddenly, patting her dress. “I thought he was in my pocket, but he's gone.”

“I haven't seen him all day,” answered Pinkie. “Where's the last place you remember seeing him?”

Maud paused, thinking. “I was in the kitchen, helping Mom make the...” she trailed off, then galloped into the kitchen.

Pinkie gasped and put her hooves over her mouth. “We ate Boulder!? Nooooooo!”

Applejack closed her eyes and shook her head. “See, this is what you get for eatin' rocks.”

Author's Note

Dang, the Pie parents' dialog is almost as hard to write as Zecora's.

Look at me, jumping on the bandwagon! Well, I guess if I really wanted to jump on the bandwagon, I would have focused on MarMac, or whatever we're deciding to call that ship. But still, at least there's plenty of interaction between the two best families!