The Only Tears That Fall Are Redby Red Tear (Subtle R)ChaptersNo Rest for the OppressedThe River Always FlowsThe Last StrawMoving OnScars re-openedNo Rest for the OppressedChapter 1: There’s No Rest for the Oppressed Soul “Please excuse these, as they are the words of a madpony” Yep, that’s my opening line. I’m convinced I’m insane, a pony driven to the edge by isolation, alone and desolate. Oh, forgive my rudeness. Let’s begin introductions. My name is Red Tear, and my blade is my only friend, creating a bond between us by cutting my soft skin and through tough muscle, creating a bond that cannot be broken easily. Getting beat up, ridiculed, and being depressed are the staples of my life. This IS a story though, right? So enough introductions, my name is Red Tear, and this is my story. Did I already tell you my name? No matter, let us move on. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been depressed. The only friends I’ve had throughout the years have left me because of my “differences”, my cuts, my immature way of isolating to deal with my problems. My best friend, Subtle Rampage, turned against me. He turned into the pony that treated me the worst out of all the others. From what I’ve heard from other ponies is even Zecora was treated better than I, and she was a zebra! Away from the explanations, let me take you through a few weeks in my horse-shoes. ‘Wake up, eat, go to school, be ridiculed, ignore it, go home, cut, sleep, and repeat. A normal day in my life, more or less. I live in a small house on the outskirts of Ponyville, with my unemployed dad and my OCD mom. The days I go to school are no less hell than the days at home. I face the jeers of my classmates, as my wings are tucked as to cover up the scars along my back, long sleeve shirts always worn to cover up the rest. Nopony gives a damn about me, the odd one out. The fact that I can never open my wings around others doesn’t help. But fuck it, better to be known as a Pegasus scared to fly than a pony not able to deal with stress.’ That is all goes through my head as I lie, trying to sleep. Another day of being treated like shit and dragging by, barely passing my grade. I go home, only to be yelled at by my dad for being useless, and my mom for not doing anything right. My parents pester me if a lazyass like me has a marefriend. A marefriend? Me? HAH! The fillies make fun of me more than the other colts do. Worst part is, the only reprieve I get from all the pain is my guitar, one that Rampage gave to me a few years back, before he turned into a total prick. I WILL change this part of me, I won't let them beat me down! In my heart I knew though, that the same events as always would happen again. I stopped thinking long enough to catch some sleep at about 3 a.m. My alarm, an annoying piece of shit that was basically a loud bell sound, went off. 6:45, great. I got 4 hours of sleep, more than I usually do. I looked out the one dirty, cracked window in my dingy room. The sun was just coming up, and I knew I should leave early, before my parents got up. I rolled out of bed, and trotted to the shower. I turned the water on…….(You sick fucks, I’m not going to describe my shower to you). I got out, dressed in a long sleeved shirt, my blue and black wings groomed so the feathers were at a point. No matter how many times I showered or put any type of cologne on, I always smelled like smoke, acrid and deterring. The smell probably comes from my dad, who smokes as well as drinks. It's also just my natural smell, being around it for so long. My black mane, blood red at the tips, always gave off a “leave me alone” sort of vibe when combined with the fact that I wear a skull necklace and look like I’m going to kill somepony, which everypony took for the truth. Sure, I enjoyed scaring ponies, and I was big for my age. Standing almost 4’5 at the shoulder, I towered over all other colts and fillies. There was one colt that came close to my height, and that was Subtle Rampage, the only other colt that wore clothes besides me. If anypony looked at the skin underneath my wings, they would notice the numerous scars on my side. My forelegs were covered with them too, which is why I wore clothes. ‘FUCK! Enough of this small talk, I need to leave before my parents wake up!’ I was in a state of panic. A dad hung over was as bad as a dad who was drunk, both pissed off and abusive. I basically darted out the door and over to Ponyville High, otherwise known to me as the “Haven that’s Hell. It was reprieve from the hell at home, yet it was another hell all in its own. As soon as I walked in the double doors, I see the sight I see every day. Fillies and colts, mingling before classes start. I walked down the hallways, the other colts and fillies making a wide berth around me. My hearing had gotten used to the whispering that followed as I walked by, the tall, emo, supposedly gay colt. Every few steps something would get thrown at me, and every time I would Rampage smirking. ‘Rampage….why do you do this now? Why do you hang out with the likes of THEM? You always used to be so nice, you didn’t care that you were made fun of for hanging out with me; you stood by my side and stood up for me. What changed that? ’ I thought, a tear running down my cheek. I quickly wiped it off before Rampage, his marefriend Clairvoyant Dusk, Diamond Tiara, and Silver Spoon saw it. I WILL change I said to myself softly. I will change this depression, this ridicule. I'll show them! Something slammed into the back of my head, causing my vision to turn red for a while. I swear, if anger had a smell, I smelled it right then. I turned my shoulder and walked away from the crowd where I had been hit, stopping to say one word to the one filly that would even listen to me, to try and break the sadness. Well, one pony to talk to is better than none, right? I thought, determined “Hey Derpy” I said, my voice choking up. I heard the jeers of the students as they saw me stumble, saw me start to cry. Derpy only smiled back and replied with a simple statement: “Muffins!” then galloped off to hang out with Rainbow Dash and get her muffins. I looked after her, watching the only pony who would talk to me leave, a rising sadness beginning in my heart. Deep in my heart, I knew Derpy didn’t know me, didn’t know she was talking to me. She just saw a shell. My thoughts were interrupted as an object slammed against the back of my head, making me black out. A/N: This is my first attempt at a first person fic. It's somewhat of an autobiography, covering events in my life that HAVE happened. The cutting and depression were events that have happened in my life, but they're behind me. I decided to write about them though, and ponify it, as I got the green lights from several of my friends that are also my editors. I made my oc look weak for a REASON! just wait for the next chapters, and you'll understand The River Always FlowsThe River Always Flows, Despite the Dam. The last thing I remembered was something hitting the back of my head, and me blacking out. Weird right? I thought so too. Anyways, I basically woke up on a hospital bed, with my dad (who was finally sober), at my side. He acted concerned, but I saw through the bullshit. His face showed concern, but his eyes shone with anger. The nurse was talking to him, saying it was Derpy who was flying through the air, and had hit me. ‘Figures it’d be Derpy....the only pony i can’t say hates me’ I thought, with a scowl on my face. My dad looked back at me, and his eyes gave me a look that said quite simply: “You’ll take your punishment later”. I didn’t want to think about it, but I knew the reason he was going to punish me is because he thought I got in a fight and didn’t strike back. ‘He assumes the same damn thing, every single time!’ My thoughts were full of anger, yet they were clouded with exhaustion. I laid my head back and slept throughout the rest of the school day. ----------few hours later-------- I had been sleeping for hours, only to be woken up by the last bell. ‘Shit, guess who’s about to be ridiculed as soon as he leaves this room?’ I decided to man the buck up and move on. So, having that mentality, I walked out of the room....and straight into Rampage, who was alone for a change. ‘I need to be mature about this...’ I walked up to him, knowing full well that even though I’m a few inches taller than him, he looked down on me as if I were a worm. He thought he was greater than me, he thought he was better than me in all aspects, and he showed me that he thought so every chance he could. “Hey there, Rampage” I wanted this conversation to be short and not-so-sweet for him, so I decided to end this conversation within the first few sentences. “So, Red, what the fuck’s up? The only ponies you talk to recently are Derpy, and Clairvoyant. I want you AWAY FROM MY MAREFRIEND!” With each shouted word, he pushed me closer to a hallway wall. He smelled of anger, which was weird. I didn’t know emotions had scents. His green eyes were ablaze with possessiveness and rage. He didn’t want me anywhere near his marefriend. For what reason? I couldn’t tell you, I don’t know myself. The anger in me was rising though, and ponies were watching us. I could spot Clairvoyant, Derpy, The Mane 6, and a ton of ponies that i didn’t know flood the scene. The tension was so tight you could cut it with a knife. Rampage’s bloodlust was overriding my sense to think. “Look, Rampage. I don’t want to get in a fight, and i’m not hitting on your marefriend, so fuck off” Probably wasn’t the smartest thing to say, I felt the hoof coming towards my face before i saw it. It struck me hard, slamming my head against a wall. Blood dribbled out of my lower lip, and I spat it in his face. “I will NOT take your shit any longer!” I shouted, and walked away. Another dumb idea, as Rampage took the opportunity to slam a hoof into the back of my wings. I panicked. ‘NONONO! MY WINGS! MY SCARS!’ My wings were straight up due to him grabbing my wings, revealing the scars. I forced them down, and darted out of there as fast as i could, jeers following me as I left. I cried as I went straight home, grabbed the 2 things that made me happy, and flew towards everfree forest, not caring anymore who saw my scars anymore. I wanted to smell the sap of the forest, hear the silence, feel that nobody else was around The two items I brought along were my blade, a wicked curved blade. Still shiny and smelling of oil from its daily sharpening. The other item I brought was my guitar. These two things were the only things that could keep me happy in times of depression. I picked up the knife, glanced at the ridged and serrated steel. This instrument was my happiness, my escape. Flipping it up, I caught it and brought it down on my left front leg, carving a huge x into my thigh. I picked up the guitar and started playing a song I loved to scream I close my eyes to no avail Three days of aching sleepless I wish these sheets would suffocate me while I wait I love the cuts that make the lines Arranged in beautiful designs I fight with a sharp side of a razor blade It's not right I can't escape the choice I made One last chance to get me through tonight One last dance with the lady dressed in white I lost myself I lost my alibis One last time to feed the enemy inside of me It's getting harder to inhale A quick fix to clear my secrets Eyes die alit and stop the winding second hand It turns the hours into days Behind the sunset my life fades to gray Alone again with a razor blade It's not right I can't escape the choice I made One last chance to get me through tonight One last dance with the lady dressed in white I lost myself I lost my alibis One last time to feed the enemy It's quiet now Like the moments after a murder The younger me inside Can't believe the things he saw tonight/ Face to face I'm screaming at myself Face to face I'm screaming at myself for help Tonight Tonight Tonight Tonight Tonight Tonight Tonight One last chance to get me through tonight One last dance with the lady dressed in white I lost myself I lost my alibis One last time to feed the enemy inside of me Inside of me One last chance to get me through tonight... I finished the song and started crying. The blood streaming down my leg causing pools on the ground, and the iron smell of it. Little did I know another pony was listening, and saw the cutting, the guitar playing, and me crying. The pony was crying too, and it ran off in the opposite direction, leaving me to wonder who it was. It dropped a note though, and I picked it up. It was written in blood, and simply stated: Forgive me. A/N: this one was a bit rushed. Forgive me if the quality is less than amazing. :D The Last Straw A few days have passed since the incident in the forest, which left me wondering who the BUCK left the note. It haunted my dreams, corrupted my thoughts, and ate away at me. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, even as a I walked to Hell. Whoops, school I mean. ‘Who could have left it? I know it’s not Rampage, he was with his friends at the time, or at least that’s what Rainbow told me reluctantly’ I thought. ‘I snapped at RD earlier in the year, making her dislike me, and well, I don’t care about her, so why make friends?’ I shrugged to myself and moved on, and just my luck. Guess who I ran into? Rampage yet again, but I refused to let him hinder me. He turned to face me and started to talk: “Red, you fucki-” He started to say, but I was already gone, flying away. I didn’t care if he saw my scars. He was the one pony that I just didn’t care about anymore. Rampage was a cancer, a disease, one that would take you over and ruin your life. I had made up my mind not to care. ‘I don’t care about him, or anypony anymore’ I wasn’t paying any attention, like usual. I ran smack into Derpy, and we both tumbled from the sky. “CELESTIA DAMMIT!” I yelled at the top of my lungs as I hit the ground with enough force to power Pinkie Pie’s party cannon. I didn’t get up for a few minutes, just to let the pain ebb away. When I did get up though, Derpy was gone. ‘What the hell?’ How could any pony leave that fast? I decided not to question it, and just moved on, continued to walking to school. I reached the double doors, sighed heavily, and walked in. The first that hit me was the smell. Hundreds of different scents from hundreds of different ponies. I ignored it and trudged to my locker, feeling the stares of the other ponies. I wondered why they were staring at my...legs.... ‘OH SWEET MOTHERFUCKING CELESTIA!!!!!’ My legs were uncovered! I hid my panic, and went off to my first class, which I just happened to have with Rampage. I started walking through the hallways, the whispers all around me, coming from other ponies. “I bet he did it for attention” “Attention whore” “Weak willed” “Idiot” My hooves and legs trembled with anger. I didn’t need their abuse, or their pity. I didn’t need anypony’s help. I looked up and saw another pony trotting along with me. Clairvoyant...? “Hey Red, i’m sorry about Rampage. He can be a bit...over protective” She said to me, truly apologetic. I blinked. She apologized? To me? What brought this change? “It’s fine, don’t worry about it” I didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t exactly talk to mares all that much. She stopped, and so did I. When I turned around, she gave me a hug. One of friendship, of support, to show me she cared. I had no feelings for Dusk, but a hug brought a huge smile to my face. “Thank you, Dusk” I said, suddenly feeling like I could take on the world. Little did I know the world would accept my challenge. I heard somepony galloping towards me, then a hoof slam me against the wall. “Hey Red, what you doing with my marefriend?” He snorted. It just HAD to be Rampage, didn’t it? “Nothing Rampage, we’re just friends.” I didn’t want to start this with him. “Just friends? Since when?” He didn’t even notice Clairvoyant was still listening. He reared back with a hoof and punched me in the snout. I winced, but didn’t show any other pain, which only enraged him more. “ANSWER ME RED!” he punched me again. I was sick of this abuse, sick of him pushing me around. “FUCK YOU RAMPAGE! FUCK YOU! I CAN DO WHAT I WANT WITHOUT YOU PUSHSHING ME AROUND EVER. SINGLE. DAMN. DAY. OF. MY. LIFE!” Losing my cool, I grabbed his head and smashed it into the window, cracking it and sending blood out of his snout. Did I let up? No, of course not. Either the window or his skull was going to break, I didn’t care. I repeatedly smashed his head into a window until it broke, not letting up, I brought his head down, and my knee up. My knee connected with his snout with a *crack* that could be heard throughout the hallways. Blood sprayed everywhere from his broken snout. Dusk, and other ponies looked on in horror. The realization of what i just did hit me, and I looked down at Rampage. He was bleeding out of his head, and his face was covered with blood. I dropped to the ground in horror at what happened. ‘NO! NO! Why did i do that!?! This could’ve ended without the need for my violence! Why?’ I was thunderstruck. Why did I do such a thing, even if he was a jerk? I fell to the ground, shivering in fear at what I just did. I just...I had just hit a friend, even if he was a total douche, he was still a friend. What kind of pony hits his friend? Not a nice pony....absolutely not. I began mumbling to myself as teachers and students tried to help Rampage. Somepony tried to grab me, and I screamed at them. “DON’T TOUCH ME!” I flew out the window, oblivious to the teachers yelling for me to come back. I flew into the Everfree Forest and to my little alcove, where I had left my guitar. I picked it up, too depressed and angry to even sing correctly. Despite my trembling, I still managed to rattle off [url=www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8KhrcbukZg]this song[/url] , crying the entire time: The whole world is my enemy - and I'm a walking target Two times the devil with all the significance Dragged and raped for the love of a mob I can't stay - because I can't be stopped Eat motherfuckers alive who cross us I know you're all tired of the same ol' bosses Let me tell you how it's gonna be I'm gonna kill anyone who steps up in front of me Welcome to the same ol' fucking scam Same ol' shit in a dead fad Everybody wants to be so hard Are you real or a second rate sports card? They all lost their dad or their wife just died They never got to go outside - SHUT UP Nobody gives a fuck it doesn't change the fact that you suck (We are) The anti-cancer (We are) The only answer Stripped down, we want you dead But what's inside of me, you'll never know (We are) Bipolar gods (We are) You know what we are My life was always shit And I don't think I need this anymore Now I'm not pretty and I'm not cool But I'm fat and I'm ugly and proud - so fuck you Standing out is the new pretension Sreamline the (sic)ness, half-assed aggression You gotta see it to believe it, we all got conned All the mediocre sacred cows we spawned Put your trust in the mission We will not repent - this is our religion (We are) The anti-cancer (We are) The only answer Stripped down, we want you dead But what's inside of me, you'll never know (We are) Bipolar gods (We are) You know what we are My life was always shit And I don't think I need this anymore I AM HATED YOU ARE HATED WE ARE HATED I AM HATED Everything sucks and I can prove it Everybody dies, shuffle on, remove it Individuals, indispensable I'm the paradox deity vessel ...the other side holds no secret But this side is done, I don't need it Before you go, you should know you're breaking down You'll be rotten by the time you're underground *Fuck You* (We are) The anti-cancer (We are) The only answer Stripped down, we want you dead But what's inside of me, you'll never know (We are) Bipolar gods (We are) You know what we are My life was always shit And I don't think I need this anymore (We Are) The source of conscience (We Are) Distorted sentients There's only one thing left And I can't leave until it's sated (We Are) The absolute (We Are) Controlling you They're closing in, I can't escape I AM HATED I grabbed the knife I left in a tree, and raised it over my heart. ‘This is it...I fucked up one too many times, who cares now?’ I started swinging it down, and a few seconds later was enveloped in black as my vision faded and I fell to the ground. A/N: this is NOT the end of the story, don’t you even dare THINK that! One more chapter! LET’S GO Moving OnA/N: I said I'd get this to you guys next week, but I was like, "What the hell, I have nothing better to do...oh wait, guitar, learning to dub dance...I jest guys. You're the biggest and first priority to me:D anyways, here's the finale of Tear's odyssey! Maybe there'll be an epilogue...I don't know yet though, since my last idea got trashed when me and my friends got in a huge argument. I may still do it, but the thought brings much pain to my heart, I told you guys I literally just found out i have abandonment issues, and my friends leaving me was a huge blow. It affected every aspect of my life. Yeah, I realize the Author notes are supposed to be short, but I decided to let you all know why it's taken so long. Anyways, enjoy the conclusion to this shitty-yet-somehow-reader-attracting fic. ***************** I was in pain, which confused me. 'dying isn't supposed to hurt...is it?'. I shook the feeling, obviously I wasn't dead, what the buck was I thinking? My thoughts were clouded, and I couldn't regain full control of my body. I was spazzing my legs, bucking around. In my head was a living hell, my memories flashing before my eyes. I saw me and rampage as young colts, playing with each other. Rampage would create balls of gems, and throw them up in the air, only to have them caught by me. Tears ran down my face. Why couldn't life be like it was? I couldn't stop my crying, I wanted to die. I wanted to leave my personal hell, and join the universal one. Rampage left me for a reason, the other ponies treated me like shit for a reason. I was different, strange. The pony nopony would talk to, because of my awkwardness. I was full blown sobbing, still trapped inside my mental cage, not able to wake up. I didn't want to, of course, but I was jolted from my thoughts by the feel of a hoof slapping me. My eyes fluttered open, full of tears. My chest...hurt like a bitch. I looked down to find it bandaged, yet blood stained. I hadn't killed myself...I was too much of a fucking pussy to finish the job. "RED! Snap the fuck out of it!" the voice was feminine, strangely. I chuckled bitterly. I took a look around. I was still in the forest, with a random filly. 'A filly talks to me finally, all I had to do was almost kill myself!' I thought, laughing like a maniac, yet snapped back to my senses. I felt hooves on me, but I slapped them away. I was infuriated. How dare anypony actually act like they give a fuck when they don't? "KEEP YOUR FUCKING HOOVES OFF ME! YOU THINK YOU DID ME A FAVOR BY SAVING ME!? WHAT IF I WANTED TO DIE?!" I was screaming at a filly, but I truly didn't give a shit. Right after I finished my sentence I realized who it was that I was yelling at. Through my purple eyes tinged with tears, I recognized this unicorn. Blue and black coat, with a brown mane and the ice blue eyes, clear as a glacier. It was- 'Rampage's mare friend! What the fuck?!?' I yelled again, Clairvoyant Dusk quietly, yet steadily. "I can read your thoughts, Red. No need to hide them from me." At this point, my mind was running amok like a Wonderbolt member on crack. A million thoughts were racing through my brain, ranging from "Why would she help me?" to "When did she get so hot?" I became self-conscious of what I was thinking, and blushed. 'THINKOFSOMETHINGELSETHINKOFSOMETHINGELSE!' I thought desperately. I did NOT have feelings for this mare, she was just another pony who never tried to help. I broke down crying, and tried to stumble away. My nose was filled with the smell of sap from the trees and the stench of iron from my open wound. Clairvoyant held me back, and I struggled against her. My muscles strained, my tears flowed, and my will broke. I fell crying to the forest floor. The various pieces of trees on the ground make my wounds hurt, and I hated it. Not because of the pain, but because it was a reminder that I still existed in this world. I wanted to be dead, not alive. I felt hooves hold me, comfort me. I didn't WANT to be comforted, why didn't she fucking get it?! I picked my sorry flank off the forest floor and took flight, blood still streaming from my chest. I didn't look back, and I know she was reading my thoughts, again though, I didn't care. I spun through the forest, dodging branches, swerving around trees. I loved the feeling of the wind in my wings, but I was too desperate to get home. I exited the forest flying faster than I had ever flown before. While I was flying though, an epiphany hit me, so sudden that I gasped, and sent myself crashing to the ground again. I didn't feel the impact, I got up and had my mind set. 'Every pony wants me dead, and I've been wallowing in self-pity this entire time. NO MORE! I will show them I'm not the pony that can be bossed around! I will mend my friendship with Rampage!' I thought excitedly. I will show them! I can show them! Yes! Again, I lifted off the ground after a galloping start to gain speed. I had my mind set. Rampage had to be talked to, I had to figure out why he's doing what he's doing! I flew towards my house only long enough to dash inside and bandage myself up. I reeked of forest and blood, but I didn't care. I didn't care I left my guitar in the forest either. After I was done at my house, I darted out before my parents could ask questions. They didn't need to know...yet. Rampage's house was on the other side of Ponyville, a big, white, almost Canterlot-quality house. His parents both had good jobs, and they both were well off. I felt a tinge of jealousy as I trotted up to the door. *knock knock* I waited, and soon Rampage opened the door. He looked sad, but when he saw my face, his expression changed to one I never saw on his face; happiness. "Why hello there, Tear. What brings you here?" He looked genuinely happy to see me. 'When did this start?' I wondered. Why was every pony all of the sudden being nice to me? "Rampage, we need to talk" I stated plainly. Rampage nodded. "Yeah....Red, I'm sorry. I've been a dick, and the only reason why is because every pony else doesn't like you. Sure, you irk me in the wrong way sometimes, but I ignored your pain, and I'm sorry" I took a step back, flabbergasted that he even apologized. It wasn't like him. "I have something to tell you, Rampage" I told him about me almost killing myself, Dusk taking care of me, me flipping out at her. I started crying when I got to the part where I screamed at Dusk. Rampage looked indifferent, but had worry in his eyes. He worried for Dusk, he worried for me, yet he just stood there. I knew I needed to go, so I crept away, not wanting to draw attention. It was getting late, and I started galloping home. I didn't want to fly, too many ponies would see my scars... 'FUCK!' I thought, almost running into a couple of earth ponies. I hurried along, not even bothering to apologize. I got to my house, and went inside. There was a letter on the table addressed to me. So I opened it and read: "Dear Red Tear, You have been accepted at FillyDelphia Academy of Fine Arts, and are scheduled to start next week. We await your reply, and here's a list of supplies that you will need." A list of items followed. Your usual notebooks, pencils, etc. then I noticed that it said uniforms. We got to wear clothes? YEAH! That part made me smile. I didn't need to show my scars at my new school, and I won't be made fun of for wearing clothes! My parents were calling me from the other room: "Tear? Is that you?" My mom's voice called. I bit my lip. This couldn't be good. I trotted into the room, and saw both my parents, sitting on a couch. 'Fuck, my dad's sober. Something happened, could they have been told about what happened at school?' My dad was the first to address me, "Tear, tell us what the fuck was going through your head when you did that to Rampage". He showed no signs of trying to hide his anger. 'Fuck' I thought, defeated. Might as well tell them. I took a deep breath an told them about everything but the cutting. They didn't need to know about that. After I was done, both my parents had on serious expressions. My mom spoke up: "Tear, we love you, and we want the best for you. That's why we're moving you to a FillyDelphian school. It's a chance to start over, to remake those friendships, or try and gain some." I listened to their whole speech on why it was best for me to move, and my mind wandered to Dusk. Why did she help me? I shrugged mentally. I didn't care, I had no feelings for her, and she has Rampage. No reason to keep dwelling on that subject. After a lot of "yes" and "no" answers to my parents, they let me go. I went upstairs and threw myself onto my bed. I was DONE! I was going to leave this shit behind! Leave this hell! I was more happy than I'd been in years. New ponies, new friends. I could forget about the ponies here! I carried on the weekend as normal, even talked to Dusk about me leaving. She was devastated, and broke down crying. I comforted her, assured her she'd be ok. I couldn't do anything for her, and that was something I couldn't change. My last day at Ponyville's school was a damn bad one, maybe my days in FillyDelphia Academy would be better. I spent the rest of the day wandering around, buying snacks from Pinkie Pie, even flying once in awhile, when I was sure nopony was watching. After it got dark, I went home, crawled into bed, and pondered my plan for the coming years. 'Tomorrow is the start of a new life. A new me. I WILL be different at this next school! ' I assured myself. 'I won't be the one who lurks in the shadows anymore! I'll stand up for myself, and make friends. I'm leaving this hellhole!' I lied away for awhile, and when I finally slept, I woke up to a new world. One that I could make accept me. I got up, smelt the morning air, the dew, everything. Then took a shower, got ready, and flew out to meet my future. Life had given me a new hand, a new set of cards to bet on, and I wasn't going to waste it. ******* Take a step back, listeners to my story, Red Tear's story. My life at Ponyville was not the best, not at all. My story for you ends here, I applaud you all for listening to the story of an madpony, one who is most insane. Give yourself a hoof. You survived my story. The only reason I recorded this was to make sure I never forgot what happened. The moral is: don't let yourself follow the same hoof steps as me. Show the world that you hate it, that you'll do anything to defy it. If life puts you down and wants you to die, LIVE! Make life your bitch! Until next time, -Tear *****preview of epilogue**** I closed the notebook, and turned back to face my room. My new room, my new house. Dad's job pays well, and my new room is now twice as big as it was. I stared around the pristine space, which smelt of...well....me. I ditched the knives, the cutting had stopped. I found other ways to unleash my anger. Writing, boxing, playing my guitar. I had been going to FillyDelphia Academy now for about a year and a half. I was 14 now, a new pony altogether. I trotted over to the bed and laid down. 'Time to go to bed. Have to wake up early to go to FillyDelphia. That distance is a bitch to fly' I smiled to myself. Life presented me a bull, and I'm grabbing it by the horns' I thought, and a quote from Applejack popped into my head: "if you can take this bull by the horns, you better be ready for a wild ride!" Her voice rang in my head. 'Heh....your words ring true, AJ' I started thinking aloud, preparing myself mentally for the times to come: "The only thing left for me now is make the ponies at school not hate me as much" I laughed to myself. My days in FillyDelphia were a mixture of heaven and hell. I laid down, and stared at my ceiling until I fell asleep, resting up to tackle yet another day in my life. My friends would be waiting tomorrow, as would be new challenges for me to engage. ****** A/N: this is the final main chapter of Tear's story. There WILL be an epilogue, though a very short one. I truly don't know if I'm going to write any more stories with Tear in them. To everybody who reads this, I love you all! I truly do! You all drive me, thank you. My personal advice to everyone of you: go read something worth your time. My stories are amateur, you deserve something better. I suggest "Back in Time" by Nygumi, or "League of Bronies" by dark iron pony. P.S: Relating my life to this story, I have something to tell you all, If you haven't already figured it out. Yes, this is more or less an autobiography of the worst part of my life up to this point. I wrote the story because I thought it'd be fun, and because it'd help me get rid of my skeletons in my closet. Lo and behold, it did! All this stuff in the story did happen to me, even the part of Red trying to kill himself. Yeah, I realized it was a dumb idea, and I stopped with all that emo shit. Red Tear still lives on in me though, as part of my personality. He's the defensive and emotionally unstable me. Strangely, whilst I was writing this story, that side of me was shown more often for some reason. Apparently thinking back unearthed him again. All of you who read this for sheer enjoyment, good job. Those who read it and realized it was a part of my life and CONTINUED to read it, thank you. I didn't write this to say, "OHHHH nooooo, my life sucked shit! It's so horrible!", HEYUL TO THE NO THAT’S NOT WHAT I’M SAYING! I wrote this for the sheer enjoyment of writing a story close to me and a more down-to-earth story than my other one. My life was pretty bad, and I actually developed several issues after that part of it. Trust issues, abandonment issues, depression. All of those, which I still have, remind me of what happened, and have brought me to be the person I am today. Enough of my rambling, my message to you all: conquer whatever shit hits your fan, hold your friends up, but also make sure to hold yourself up. I always forget to do the last part ^^'. Rampage, signing out. out. Broneyofnoel signing in, time for me to say something... To all of the people currently contemplating suicide, to all the people who are confused about themselves, to all the people who are going through hell, you just need to know three things. Don’t do anything you’ll regret, trust me, i know what that’s like. It gets better. 3.No matter what, or who you are, you have people who love you, people who haven’t met you yet. Scars re-openedA/N: I finally picked this back up and wrote this goddamn epilogue in about 20 minutes. It's probably shit, but hey. I tried, didn't I? I'll actually probably post a part 2...but whatever. Enjoy this piece of dog shit. *Five years after moving from Fillydelphia. Red went to Filly for 2 years, then Canterlot for 3, eventually leaving to go to his old home. In Canterlot, he met several new friends, the two main ones being Union Jack and Turntable. I’ll link the story that they’re in. You better go read it, seriously. The author is a buckin’ genius.* The air was full of chirping, the crickets loud. My hooves shook slightly as I stood on the balcony of my old home in Ponyville. The old building had recently been renovated with my own savings, which were spent on building the same balcony that I was now standing on. The floor was glass, with a railing around it, overlooking Ponyville. You could see the Everfree forest, as well. I made sure to position the balcony to have the best view possible, but sometimes even the view failed to distract me from pain. “I’m only visiting...don’t think about the past, that’s going to hinder you. Move on, Red. MOVE ON!”. The little voice in my head nagged at me while I stood leaning over a railing. I looked over the balcony, breathing in the night air and enjoying the pseudo-serenity, the silence around me contrasting with the chaos WITHIN me. “It’s been two years since I’ve been here...my parents are gone...my enemies have left...why am I unhappy, then?” I mumbled aloud, fighting to control the sudden attack of depression. My hormones kicked into hyperdrive, and I instinctively reached for a knife that wasn’t there. “Turntable...Jack...where are you now? Why aren’t you here? Where are you?” I whispered to myself, knowing full well that I was being overdramatic. What did it matter? I missed my friends, but I had made a choice to leave them, there was no turning back. I raised my head and looked out into the distance, my eyes going hazy. This feeling of abandonment was all too well known to me, yet I wouldn’t let it get me down. My entire body started to quake as I felt a familiar sensation building up inside me. Pain, hatred, loneliness, depression. All those emotions bottled up for years, ready to explode. I grabbed the guitar case I kept in the corner of the balcony, unzipped it, and pulled out the sleek Stratocaster. The red and white coat of the guitar shone in the dim moonlight, and it reeked of cleaning chemicals. I kept it in good shape, it was my most prized possession. I plugged the guitar into a 6-foot tall stack amp, all Fender, and ripped right into a high E, blasting the noise in the direction of the Everfree. I didn’t care if I was heard, yelled at, whatever. All I cared about was releasing this stress. I took a deep breath while the note dragged on and released it into a yell, my false vocal cords going hyperactive and propelling my voice to go louder. My wings, scarred a misshapen after years of abuse, drug along the neck of the guitar, playing chords as my hoof slammed on a pedal, dramatically changing the tone of the guitar. I stopped my yelling and just burst into a solo, sending the sound of my anguish across the landscape. Youtube Video I finished, feeling purified of all negative emotions. That is, until I heard a voice calling from below, then my flames of hatred were re-ignited. "I'd know that playing anywhere. Where ya' been, Red? Hopefully not still angry?" The voice said, and the pony it belonged to appeared over the railing, on top of a crystal pillar. "Hey, Rampage" I said through gritted teeth. I still couldn't bring myself to trust him, no matter how hard I tried. Then I realized he had his mic and Telecaster with him, and I grinned. "You going to join me, Rampage? Like old times?" I said, with a hint of taunting. He and I used to play all the time, but that changed once he turned into a total jerk...I wiped the thought from my mind, watching as he hopped onto the balcony, staring at it with respect in his eyes. "Nice improvement, I like it", he said smirking, while erecting speakers out of emerald for the mic. I laughed in spite of myself, nostalgic about the experience. He used to always use emerald, said it worked best. To my surprise, he created another mic as well, and tossed it to me. "Should we play the usual, Red? You get harsh vocals, I'll do chorus?" He asked me, in all of his professionalism. I nodded silently, taking deep breaths. He rammed into a chord, and the drumline played along in my head. Youtube Video My vocal cords were vibrating like they hadn't in years. All my anger, all my sorrow, all my pain. All that remained of it went into this song as I yelled into the mic, bobbing my head to the rhythm. I was one with the music. I lived in it, for it. I was the music. My wings prepared for the solo as Rampage kicked off the first half, using magic to manipulate the strings. He then passed the baton effortlessly off to me, ending on the same note that I started on. We thrashed around, finishing the song up. My mane was dripping with sweat, and I could see that his was too. We stared at each other, no longer seeing ourselves as ponies. We were the embodiment of rhythm, of passion. I could now see he loved music as much as I, and I felt a sudden connection to him. I nodded and his horn glowed in response, beginning a simple chord that brought me into another fit of yelling and thrashing around, blasting the surrounding area with pure passion. Youtube Video We finished again, and my muscles were as sore as my wings from the thrashing. I was done, and so was Rampage. I turned around, my shell breaking open. I silently sobbed in memory of my lost friends, in revelation of my current loneliness. I then felt a hoof on my shoulder, and looked back to see Rampage. He smiled a little, and spoke softly; "You know, let's go inside and talk about what's happened in the past. Maybe we can sort this out yet". Hopefully.... I thought, refusing to hate him any longer. I'll give him one last shot We walked into my house together, with the best intentions of fixing what had been broken in the past
No Rest for the OppressedChapter 1: There’s No Rest for the Oppressed Soul “Please excuse these, as they are the words of a madpony” Yep, that’s my opening line. I’m convinced I’m insane, a pony driven to the edge by isolation, alone and desolate. Oh, forgive my rudeness. Let’s begin introductions. My name is Red Tear, and my blade is my only friend, creating a bond between us by cutting my soft skin and through tough muscle, creating a bond that cannot be broken easily. Getting beat up, ridiculed, and being depressed are the staples of my life. This IS a story though, right? So enough introductions, my name is Red Tear, and this is my story. Did I already tell you my name? No matter, let us move on. For as long as I can remember, I’ve always been depressed. The only friends I’ve had throughout the years have left me because of my “differences”, my cuts, my immature way of isolating to deal with my problems. My best friend, Subtle Rampage, turned against me. He turned into the pony that treated me the worst out of all the others. From what I’ve heard from other ponies is even Zecora was treated better than I, and she was a zebra! Away from the explanations, let me take you through a few weeks in my horse-shoes. ‘Wake up, eat, go to school, be ridiculed, ignore it, go home, cut, sleep, and repeat. A normal day in my life, more or less. I live in a small house on the outskirts of Ponyville, with my unemployed dad and my OCD mom. The days I go to school are no less hell than the days at home. I face the jeers of my classmates, as my wings are tucked as to cover up the scars along my back, long sleeve shirts always worn to cover up the rest. Nopony gives a damn about me, the odd one out. The fact that I can never open my wings around others doesn’t help. But fuck it, better to be known as a Pegasus scared to fly than a pony not able to deal with stress.’ That is all goes through my head as I lie, trying to sleep. Another day of being treated like shit and dragging by, barely passing my grade. I go home, only to be yelled at by my dad for being useless, and my mom for not doing anything right. My parents pester me if a lazyass like me has a marefriend. A marefriend? Me? HAH! The fillies make fun of me more than the other colts do. Worst part is, the only reprieve I get from all the pain is my guitar, one that Rampage gave to me a few years back, before he turned into a total prick. I WILL change this part of me, I won't let them beat me down! In my heart I knew though, that the same events as always would happen again. I stopped thinking long enough to catch some sleep at about 3 a.m. My alarm, an annoying piece of shit that was basically a loud bell sound, went off. 6:45, great. I got 4 hours of sleep, more than I usually do. I looked out the one dirty, cracked window in my dingy room. The sun was just coming up, and I knew I should leave early, before my parents got up. I rolled out of bed, and trotted to the shower. I turned the water on…….(You sick fucks, I’m not going to describe my shower to you). I got out, dressed in a long sleeved shirt, my blue and black wings groomed so the feathers were at a point. No matter how many times I showered or put any type of cologne on, I always smelled like smoke, acrid and deterring. The smell probably comes from my dad, who smokes as well as drinks. It's also just my natural smell, being around it for so long. My black mane, blood red at the tips, always gave off a “leave me alone” sort of vibe when combined with the fact that I wear a skull necklace and look like I’m going to kill somepony, which everypony took for the truth. Sure, I enjoyed scaring ponies, and I was big for my age. Standing almost 4’5 at the shoulder, I towered over all other colts and fillies. There was one colt that came close to my height, and that was Subtle Rampage, the only other colt that wore clothes besides me. If anypony looked at the skin underneath my wings, they would notice the numerous scars on my side. My forelegs were covered with them too, which is why I wore clothes. ‘FUCK! Enough of this small talk, I need to leave before my parents wake up!’ I was in a state of panic. A dad hung over was as bad as a dad who was drunk, both pissed off and abusive. I basically darted out the door and over to Ponyville High, otherwise known to me as the “Haven that’s Hell. It was reprieve from the hell at home, yet it was another hell all in its own. As soon as I walked in the double doors, I see the sight I see every day. Fillies and colts, mingling before classes start. I walked down the hallways, the other colts and fillies making a wide berth around me. My hearing had gotten used to the whispering that followed as I walked by, the tall, emo, supposedly gay colt. Every few steps something would get thrown at me, and every time I would Rampage smirking. ‘Rampage….why do you do this now? Why do you hang out with the likes of THEM? You always used to be so nice, you didn’t care that you were made fun of for hanging out with me; you stood by my side and stood up for me. What changed that? ’ I thought, a tear running down my cheek. I quickly wiped it off before Rampage, his marefriend Clairvoyant Dusk, Diamond Tiara, and Silver Spoon saw it. I WILL change I said to myself softly. I will change this depression, this ridicule. I'll show them! Something slammed into the back of my head, causing my vision to turn red for a while. I swear, if anger had a smell, I smelled it right then. I turned my shoulder and walked away from the crowd where I had been hit, stopping to say one word to the one filly that would even listen to me, to try and break the sadness. Well, one pony to talk to is better than none, right? I thought, determined “Hey Derpy” I said, my voice choking up. I heard the jeers of the students as they saw me stumble, saw me start to cry. Derpy only smiled back and replied with a simple statement: “Muffins!” then galloped off to hang out with Rainbow Dash and get her muffins. I looked after her, watching the only pony who would talk to me leave, a rising sadness beginning in my heart. Deep in my heart, I knew Derpy didn’t know me, didn’t know she was talking to me. She just saw a shell. My thoughts were interrupted as an object slammed against the back of my head, making me black out. A/N: This is my first attempt at a first person fic. It's somewhat of an autobiography, covering events in my life that HAVE happened. The cutting and depression were events that have happened in my life, but they're behind me. I decided to write about them though, and ponify it, as I got the green lights from several of my friends that are also my editors. I made my oc look weak for a REASON! just wait for the next chapters, and you'll understand
The River Always FlowsThe River Always Flows, Despite the Dam. The last thing I remembered was something hitting the back of my head, and me blacking out. Weird right? I thought so too. Anyways, I basically woke up on a hospital bed, with my dad (who was finally sober), at my side. He acted concerned, but I saw through the bullshit. His face showed concern, but his eyes shone with anger. The nurse was talking to him, saying it was Derpy who was flying through the air, and had hit me. ‘Figures it’d be Derpy....the only pony i can’t say hates me’ I thought, with a scowl on my face. My dad looked back at me, and his eyes gave me a look that said quite simply: “You’ll take your punishment later”. I didn’t want to think about it, but I knew the reason he was going to punish me is because he thought I got in a fight and didn’t strike back. ‘He assumes the same damn thing, every single time!’ My thoughts were full of anger, yet they were clouded with exhaustion. I laid my head back and slept throughout the rest of the school day. ----------few hours later-------- I had been sleeping for hours, only to be woken up by the last bell. ‘Shit, guess who’s about to be ridiculed as soon as he leaves this room?’ I decided to man the buck up and move on. So, having that mentality, I walked out of the room....and straight into Rampage, who was alone for a change. ‘I need to be mature about this...’ I walked up to him, knowing full well that even though I’m a few inches taller than him, he looked down on me as if I were a worm. He thought he was greater than me, he thought he was better than me in all aspects, and he showed me that he thought so every chance he could. “Hey there, Rampage” I wanted this conversation to be short and not-so-sweet for him, so I decided to end this conversation within the first few sentences. “So, Red, what the fuck’s up? The only ponies you talk to recently are Derpy, and Clairvoyant. I want you AWAY FROM MY MAREFRIEND!” With each shouted word, he pushed me closer to a hallway wall. He smelled of anger, which was weird. I didn’t know emotions had scents. His green eyes were ablaze with possessiveness and rage. He didn’t want me anywhere near his marefriend. For what reason? I couldn’t tell you, I don’t know myself. The anger in me was rising though, and ponies were watching us. I could spot Clairvoyant, Derpy, The Mane 6, and a ton of ponies that i didn’t know flood the scene. The tension was so tight you could cut it with a knife. Rampage’s bloodlust was overriding my sense to think. “Look, Rampage. I don’t want to get in a fight, and i’m not hitting on your marefriend, so fuck off” Probably wasn’t the smartest thing to say, I felt the hoof coming towards my face before i saw it. It struck me hard, slamming my head against a wall. Blood dribbled out of my lower lip, and I spat it in his face. “I will NOT take your shit any longer!” I shouted, and walked away. Another dumb idea, as Rampage took the opportunity to slam a hoof into the back of my wings. I panicked. ‘NONONO! MY WINGS! MY SCARS!’ My wings were straight up due to him grabbing my wings, revealing the scars. I forced them down, and darted out of there as fast as i could, jeers following me as I left. I cried as I went straight home, grabbed the 2 things that made me happy, and flew towards everfree forest, not caring anymore who saw my scars anymore. I wanted to smell the sap of the forest, hear the silence, feel that nobody else was around The two items I brought along were my blade, a wicked curved blade. Still shiny and smelling of oil from its daily sharpening. The other item I brought was my guitar. These two things were the only things that could keep me happy in times of depression. I picked up the knife, glanced at the ridged and serrated steel. This instrument was my happiness, my escape. Flipping it up, I caught it and brought it down on my left front leg, carving a huge x into my thigh. I picked up the guitar and started playing a song I loved to scream I close my eyes to no avail Three days of aching sleepless I wish these sheets would suffocate me while I wait I love the cuts that make the lines Arranged in beautiful designs I fight with a sharp side of a razor blade It's not right I can't escape the choice I made One last chance to get me through tonight One last dance with the lady dressed in white I lost myself I lost my alibis One last time to feed the enemy inside of me It's getting harder to inhale A quick fix to clear my secrets Eyes die alit and stop the winding second hand It turns the hours into days Behind the sunset my life fades to gray Alone again with a razor blade It's not right I can't escape the choice I made One last chance to get me through tonight One last dance with the lady dressed in white I lost myself I lost my alibis One last time to feed the enemy It's quiet now Like the moments after a murder The younger me inside Can't believe the things he saw tonight/ Face to face I'm screaming at myself Face to face I'm screaming at myself for help Tonight Tonight Tonight Tonight Tonight Tonight Tonight One last chance to get me through tonight One last dance with the lady dressed in white I lost myself I lost my alibis One last time to feed the enemy inside of me Inside of me One last chance to get me through tonight... I finished the song and started crying. The blood streaming down my leg causing pools on the ground, and the iron smell of it. Little did I know another pony was listening, and saw the cutting, the guitar playing, and me crying. The pony was crying too, and it ran off in the opposite direction, leaving me to wonder who it was. It dropped a note though, and I picked it up. It was written in blood, and simply stated: Forgive me. A/N: this one was a bit rushed. Forgive me if the quality is less than amazing. :D
The Last Straw A few days have passed since the incident in the forest, which left me wondering who the BUCK left the note. It haunted my dreams, corrupted my thoughts, and ate away at me. I couldn’t stop thinking about it, even as a I walked to Hell. Whoops, school I mean. ‘Who could have left it? I know it’s not Rampage, he was with his friends at the time, or at least that’s what Rainbow told me reluctantly’ I thought. ‘I snapped at RD earlier in the year, making her dislike me, and well, I don’t care about her, so why make friends?’ I shrugged to myself and moved on, and just my luck. Guess who I ran into? Rampage yet again, but I refused to let him hinder me. He turned to face me and started to talk: “Red, you fucki-” He started to say, but I was already gone, flying away. I didn’t care if he saw my scars. He was the one pony that I just didn’t care about anymore. Rampage was a cancer, a disease, one that would take you over and ruin your life. I had made up my mind not to care. ‘I don’t care about him, or anypony anymore’ I wasn’t paying any attention, like usual. I ran smack into Derpy, and we both tumbled from the sky. “CELESTIA DAMMIT!” I yelled at the top of my lungs as I hit the ground with enough force to power Pinkie Pie’s party cannon. I didn’t get up for a few minutes, just to let the pain ebb away. When I did get up though, Derpy was gone. ‘What the hell?’ How could any pony leave that fast? I decided not to question it, and just moved on, continued to walking to school. I reached the double doors, sighed heavily, and walked in. The first that hit me was the smell. Hundreds of different scents from hundreds of different ponies. I ignored it and trudged to my locker, feeling the stares of the other ponies. I wondered why they were staring at my...legs.... ‘OH SWEET MOTHERFUCKING CELESTIA!!!!!’ My legs were uncovered! I hid my panic, and went off to my first class, which I just happened to have with Rampage. I started walking through the hallways, the whispers all around me, coming from other ponies. “I bet he did it for attention” “Attention whore” “Weak willed” “Idiot” My hooves and legs trembled with anger. I didn’t need their abuse, or their pity. I didn’t need anypony’s help. I looked up and saw another pony trotting along with me. Clairvoyant...? “Hey Red, i’m sorry about Rampage. He can be a bit...over protective” She said to me, truly apologetic. I blinked. She apologized? To me? What brought this change? “It’s fine, don’t worry about it” I didn’t know what else to say. I didn’t exactly talk to mares all that much. She stopped, and so did I. When I turned around, she gave me a hug. One of friendship, of support, to show me she cared. I had no feelings for Dusk, but a hug brought a huge smile to my face. “Thank you, Dusk” I said, suddenly feeling like I could take on the world. Little did I know the world would accept my challenge. I heard somepony galloping towards me, then a hoof slam me against the wall. “Hey Red, what you doing with my marefriend?” He snorted. It just HAD to be Rampage, didn’t it? “Nothing Rampage, we’re just friends.” I didn’t want to start this with him. “Just friends? Since when?” He didn’t even notice Clairvoyant was still listening. He reared back with a hoof and punched me in the snout. I winced, but didn’t show any other pain, which only enraged him more. “ANSWER ME RED!” he punched me again. I was sick of this abuse, sick of him pushing me around. “FUCK YOU RAMPAGE! FUCK YOU! I CAN DO WHAT I WANT WITHOUT YOU PUSHSHING ME AROUND EVER. SINGLE. DAMN. DAY. OF. MY. LIFE!” Losing my cool, I grabbed his head and smashed it into the window, cracking it and sending blood out of his snout. Did I let up? No, of course not. Either the window or his skull was going to break, I didn’t care. I repeatedly smashed his head into a window until it broke, not letting up, I brought his head down, and my knee up. My knee connected with his snout with a *crack* that could be heard throughout the hallways. Blood sprayed everywhere from his broken snout. Dusk, and other ponies looked on in horror. The realization of what i just did hit me, and I looked down at Rampage. He was bleeding out of his head, and his face was covered with blood. I dropped to the ground in horror at what happened. ‘NO! NO! Why did i do that!?! This could’ve ended without the need for my violence! Why?’ I was thunderstruck. Why did I do such a thing, even if he was a jerk? I fell to the ground, shivering in fear at what I just did. I just...I had just hit a friend, even if he was a total douche, he was still a friend. What kind of pony hits his friend? Not a nice pony....absolutely not. I began mumbling to myself as teachers and students tried to help Rampage. Somepony tried to grab me, and I screamed at them. “DON’T TOUCH ME!” I flew out the window, oblivious to the teachers yelling for me to come back. I flew into the Everfree Forest and to my little alcove, where I had left my guitar. I picked it up, too depressed and angry to even sing correctly. Despite my trembling, I still managed to rattle off [url=www.youtube.com/watch?v=W8KhrcbukZg]this song[/url] , crying the entire time: The whole world is my enemy - and I'm a walking target Two times the devil with all the significance Dragged and raped for the love of a mob I can't stay - because I can't be stopped Eat motherfuckers alive who cross us I know you're all tired of the same ol' bosses Let me tell you how it's gonna be I'm gonna kill anyone who steps up in front of me Welcome to the same ol' fucking scam Same ol' shit in a dead fad Everybody wants to be so hard Are you real or a second rate sports card? They all lost their dad or their wife just died They never got to go outside - SHUT UP Nobody gives a fuck it doesn't change the fact that you suck (We are) The anti-cancer (We are) The only answer Stripped down, we want you dead But what's inside of me, you'll never know (We are) Bipolar gods (We are) You know what we are My life was always shit And I don't think I need this anymore Now I'm not pretty and I'm not cool But I'm fat and I'm ugly and proud - so fuck you Standing out is the new pretension Sreamline the (sic)ness, half-assed aggression You gotta see it to believe it, we all got conned All the mediocre sacred cows we spawned Put your trust in the mission We will not repent - this is our religion (We are) The anti-cancer (We are) The only answer Stripped down, we want you dead But what's inside of me, you'll never know (We are) Bipolar gods (We are) You know what we are My life was always shit And I don't think I need this anymore I AM HATED YOU ARE HATED WE ARE HATED I AM HATED Everything sucks and I can prove it Everybody dies, shuffle on, remove it Individuals, indispensable I'm the paradox deity vessel ...the other side holds no secret But this side is done, I don't need it Before you go, you should know you're breaking down You'll be rotten by the time you're underground *Fuck You* (We are) The anti-cancer (We are) The only answer Stripped down, we want you dead But what's inside of me, you'll never know (We are) Bipolar gods (We are) You know what we are My life was always shit And I don't think I need this anymore (We Are) The source of conscience (We Are) Distorted sentients There's only one thing left And I can't leave until it's sated (We Are) The absolute (We Are) Controlling you They're closing in, I can't escape I AM HATED I grabbed the knife I left in a tree, and raised it over my heart. ‘This is it...I fucked up one too many times, who cares now?’ I started swinging it down, and a few seconds later was enveloped in black as my vision faded and I fell to the ground. A/N: this is NOT the end of the story, don’t you even dare THINK that! One more chapter! LET’S GO
Moving OnA/N: I said I'd get this to you guys next week, but I was like, "What the hell, I have nothing better to do...oh wait, guitar, learning to dub dance...I jest guys. You're the biggest and first priority to me:D anyways, here's the finale of Tear's odyssey! Maybe there'll be an epilogue...I don't know yet though, since my last idea got trashed when me and my friends got in a huge argument. I may still do it, but the thought brings much pain to my heart, I told you guys I literally just found out i have abandonment issues, and my friends leaving me was a huge blow. It affected every aspect of my life. Yeah, I realize the Author notes are supposed to be short, but I decided to let you all know why it's taken so long. Anyways, enjoy the conclusion to this shitty-yet-somehow-reader-attracting fic. ***************** I was in pain, which confused me. 'dying isn't supposed to hurt...is it?'. I shook the feeling, obviously I wasn't dead, what the buck was I thinking? My thoughts were clouded, and I couldn't regain full control of my body. I was spazzing my legs, bucking around. In my head was a living hell, my memories flashing before my eyes. I saw me and rampage as young colts, playing with each other. Rampage would create balls of gems, and throw them up in the air, only to have them caught by me. Tears ran down my face. Why couldn't life be like it was? I couldn't stop my crying, I wanted to die. I wanted to leave my personal hell, and join the universal one. Rampage left me for a reason, the other ponies treated me like shit for a reason. I was different, strange. The pony nopony would talk to, because of my awkwardness. I was full blown sobbing, still trapped inside my mental cage, not able to wake up. I didn't want to, of course, but I was jolted from my thoughts by the feel of a hoof slapping me. My eyes fluttered open, full of tears. My chest...hurt like a bitch. I looked down to find it bandaged, yet blood stained. I hadn't killed myself...I was too much of a fucking pussy to finish the job. "RED! Snap the fuck out of it!" the voice was feminine, strangely. I chuckled bitterly. I took a look around. I was still in the forest, with a random filly. 'A filly talks to me finally, all I had to do was almost kill myself!' I thought, laughing like a maniac, yet snapped back to my senses. I felt hooves on me, but I slapped them away. I was infuriated. How dare anypony actually act like they give a fuck when they don't? "KEEP YOUR FUCKING HOOVES OFF ME! YOU THINK YOU DID ME A FAVOR BY SAVING ME!? WHAT IF I WANTED TO DIE?!" I was screaming at a filly, but I truly didn't give a shit. Right after I finished my sentence I realized who it was that I was yelling at. Through my purple eyes tinged with tears, I recognized this unicorn. Blue and black coat, with a brown mane and the ice blue eyes, clear as a glacier. It was- 'Rampage's mare friend! What the fuck?!?' I yelled again, Clairvoyant Dusk quietly, yet steadily. "I can read your thoughts, Red. No need to hide them from me." At this point, my mind was running amok like a Wonderbolt member on crack. A million thoughts were racing through my brain, ranging from "Why would she help me?" to "When did she get so hot?" I became self-conscious of what I was thinking, and blushed. 'THINKOFSOMETHINGELSETHINKOFSOMETHINGELSE!' I thought desperately. I did NOT have feelings for this mare, she was just another pony who never tried to help. I broke down crying, and tried to stumble away. My nose was filled with the smell of sap from the trees and the stench of iron from my open wound. Clairvoyant held me back, and I struggled against her. My muscles strained, my tears flowed, and my will broke. I fell crying to the forest floor. The various pieces of trees on the ground make my wounds hurt, and I hated it. Not because of the pain, but because it was a reminder that I still existed in this world. I wanted to be dead, not alive. I felt hooves hold me, comfort me. I didn't WANT to be comforted, why didn't she fucking get it?! I picked my sorry flank off the forest floor and took flight, blood still streaming from my chest. I didn't look back, and I know she was reading my thoughts, again though, I didn't care. I spun through the forest, dodging branches, swerving around trees. I loved the feeling of the wind in my wings, but I was too desperate to get home. I exited the forest flying faster than I had ever flown before. While I was flying though, an epiphany hit me, so sudden that I gasped, and sent myself crashing to the ground again. I didn't feel the impact, I got up and had my mind set. 'Every pony wants me dead, and I've been wallowing in self-pity this entire time. NO MORE! I will show them I'm not the pony that can be bossed around! I will mend my friendship with Rampage!' I thought excitedly. I will show them! I can show them! Yes! Again, I lifted off the ground after a galloping start to gain speed. I had my mind set. Rampage had to be talked to, I had to figure out why he's doing what he's doing! I flew towards my house only long enough to dash inside and bandage myself up. I reeked of forest and blood, but I didn't care. I didn't care I left my guitar in the forest either. After I was done at my house, I darted out before my parents could ask questions. They didn't need to know...yet. Rampage's house was on the other side of Ponyville, a big, white, almost Canterlot-quality house. His parents both had good jobs, and they both were well off. I felt a tinge of jealousy as I trotted up to the door. *knock knock* I waited, and soon Rampage opened the door. He looked sad, but when he saw my face, his expression changed to one I never saw on his face; happiness. "Why hello there, Tear. What brings you here?" He looked genuinely happy to see me. 'When did this start?' I wondered. Why was every pony all of the sudden being nice to me? "Rampage, we need to talk" I stated plainly. Rampage nodded. "Yeah....Red, I'm sorry. I've been a dick, and the only reason why is because every pony else doesn't like you. Sure, you irk me in the wrong way sometimes, but I ignored your pain, and I'm sorry" I took a step back, flabbergasted that he even apologized. It wasn't like him. "I have something to tell you, Rampage" I told him about me almost killing myself, Dusk taking care of me, me flipping out at her. I started crying when I got to the part where I screamed at Dusk. Rampage looked indifferent, but had worry in his eyes. He worried for Dusk, he worried for me, yet he just stood there. I knew I needed to go, so I crept away, not wanting to draw attention. It was getting late, and I started galloping home. I didn't want to fly, too many ponies would see my scars... 'FUCK!' I thought, almost running into a couple of earth ponies. I hurried along, not even bothering to apologize. I got to my house, and went inside. There was a letter on the table addressed to me. So I opened it and read: "Dear Red Tear, You have been accepted at FillyDelphia Academy of Fine Arts, and are scheduled to start next week. We await your reply, and here's a list of supplies that you will need." A list of items followed. Your usual notebooks, pencils, etc. then I noticed that it said uniforms. We got to wear clothes? YEAH! That part made me smile. I didn't need to show my scars at my new school, and I won't be made fun of for wearing clothes! My parents were calling me from the other room: "Tear? Is that you?" My mom's voice called. I bit my lip. This couldn't be good. I trotted into the room, and saw both my parents, sitting on a couch. 'Fuck, my dad's sober. Something happened, could they have been told about what happened at school?' My dad was the first to address me, "Tear, tell us what the fuck was going through your head when you did that to Rampage". He showed no signs of trying to hide his anger. 'Fuck' I thought, defeated. Might as well tell them. I took a deep breath an told them about everything but the cutting. They didn't need to know about that. After I was done, both my parents had on serious expressions. My mom spoke up: "Tear, we love you, and we want the best for you. That's why we're moving you to a FillyDelphian school. It's a chance to start over, to remake those friendships, or try and gain some." I listened to their whole speech on why it was best for me to move, and my mind wandered to Dusk. Why did she help me? I shrugged mentally. I didn't care, I had no feelings for her, and she has Rampage. No reason to keep dwelling on that subject. After a lot of "yes" and "no" answers to my parents, they let me go. I went upstairs and threw myself onto my bed. I was DONE! I was going to leave this shit behind! Leave this hell! I was more happy than I'd been in years. New ponies, new friends. I could forget about the ponies here! I carried on the weekend as normal, even talked to Dusk about me leaving. She was devastated, and broke down crying. I comforted her, assured her she'd be ok. I couldn't do anything for her, and that was something I couldn't change. My last day at Ponyville's school was a damn bad one, maybe my days in FillyDelphia Academy would be better. I spent the rest of the day wandering around, buying snacks from Pinkie Pie, even flying once in awhile, when I was sure nopony was watching. After it got dark, I went home, crawled into bed, and pondered my plan for the coming years. 'Tomorrow is the start of a new life. A new me. I WILL be different at this next school! ' I assured myself. 'I won't be the one who lurks in the shadows anymore! I'll stand up for myself, and make friends. I'm leaving this hellhole!' I lied away for awhile, and when I finally slept, I woke up to a new world. One that I could make accept me. I got up, smelt the morning air, the dew, everything. Then took a shower, got ready, and flew out to meet my future. Life had given me a new hand, a new set of cards to bet on, and I wasn't going to waste it. ******* Take a step back, listeners to my story, Red Tear's story. My life at Ponyville was not the best, not at all. My story for you ends here, I applaud you all for listening to the story of an madpony, one who is most insane. Give yourself a hoof. You survived my story. The only reason I recorded this was to make sure I never forgot what happened. The moral is: don't let yourself follow the same hoof steps as me. Show the world that you hate it, that you'll do anything to defy it. If life puts you down and wants you to die, LIVE! Make life your bitch! Until next time, -Tear *****preview of epilogue**** I closed the notebook, and turned back to face my room. My new room, my new house. Dad's job pays well, and my new room is now twice as big as it was. I stared around the pristine space, which smelt of...well....me. I ditched the knives, the cutting had stopped. I found other ways to unleash my anger. Writing, boxing, playing my guitar. I had been going to FillyDelphia Academy now for about a year and a half. I was 14 now, a new pony altogether. I trotted over to the bed and laid down. 'Time to go to bed. Have to wake up early to go to FillyDelphia. That distance is a bitch to fly' I smiled to myself. Life presented me a bull, and I'm grabbing it by the horns' I thought, and a quote from Applejack popped into my head: "if you can take this bull by the horns, you better be ready for a wild ride!" Her voice rang in my head. 'Heh....your words ring true, AJ' I started thinking aloud, preparing myself mentally for the times to come: "The only thing left for me now is make the ponies at school not hate me as much" I laughed to myself. My days in FillyDelphia were a mixture of heaven and hell. I laid down, and stared at my ceiling until I fell asleep, resting up to tackle yet another day in my life. My friends would be waiting tomorrow, as would be new challenges for me to engage. ****** A/N: this is the final main chapter of Tear's story. There WILL be an epilogue, though a very short one. I truly don't know if I'm going to write any more stories with Tear in them. To everybody who reads this, I love you all! I truly do! You all drive me, thank you. My personal advice to everyone of you: go read something worth your time. My stories are amateur, you deserve something better. I suggest "Back in Time" by Nygumi, or "League of Bronies" by dark iron pony. P.S: Relating my life to this story, I have something to tell you all, If you haven't already figured it out. Yes, this is more or less an autobiography of the worst part of my life up to this point. I wrote the story because I thought it'd be fun, and because it'd help me get rid of my skeletons in my closet. Lo and behold, it did! All this stuff in the story did happen to me, even the part of Red trying to kill himself. Yeah, I realized it was a dumb idea, and I stopped with all that emo shit. Red Tear still lives on in me though, as part of my personality. He's the defensive and emotionally unstable me. Strangely, whilst I was writing this story, that side of me was shown more often for some reason. Apparently thinking back unearthed him again. All of you who read this for sheer enjoyment, good job. Those who read it and realized it was a part of my life and CONTINUED to read it, thank you. I didn't write this to say, "OHHHH nooooo, my life sucked shit! It's so horrible!", HEYUL TO THE NO THAT’S NOT WHAT I’M SAYING! I wrote this for the sheer enjoyment of writing a story close to me and a more down-to-earth story than my other one. My life was pretty bad, and I actually developed several issues after that part of it. Trust issues, abandonment issues, depression. All of those, which I still have, remind me of what happened, and have brought me to be the person I am today. Enough of my rambling, my message to you all: conquer whatever shit hits your fan, hold your friends up, but also make sure to hold yourself up. I always forget to do the last part ^^'. Rampage, signing out. out. Broneyofnoel signing in, time for me to say something... To all of the people currently contemplating suicide, to all the people who are confused about themselves, to all the people who are going through hell, you just need to know three things. Don’t do anything you’ll regret, trust me, i know what that’s like. It gets better. 3.No matter what, or who you are, you have people who love you, people who haven’t met you yet.
Scars re-openedA/N: I finally picked this back up and wrote this goddamn epilogue in about 20 minutes. It's probably shit, but hey. I tried, didn't I? I'll actually probably post a part 2...but whatever. Enjoy this piece of dog shit. *Five years after moving from Fillydelphia. Red went to Filly for 2 years, then Canterlot for 3, eventually leaving to go to his old home. In Canterlot, he met several new friends, the two main ones being Union Jack and Turntable. I’ll link the story that they’re in. You better go read it, seriously. The author is a buckin’ genius.* The air was full of chirping, the crickets loud. My hooves shook slightly as I stood on the balcony of my old home in Ponyville. The old building had recently been renovated with my own savings, which were spent on building the same balcony that I was now standing on. The floor was glass, with a railing around it, overlooking Ponyville. You could see the Everfree forest, as well. I made sure to position the balcony to have the best view possible, but sometimes even the view failed to distract me from pain. “I’m only visiting...don’t think about the past, that’s going to hinder you. Move on, Red. MOVE ON!”. The little voice in my head nagged at me while I stood leaning over a railing. I looked over the balcony, breathing in the night air and enjoying the pseudo-serenity, the silence around me contrasting with the chaos WITHIN me. “It’s been two years since I’ve been here...my parents are gone...my enemies have left...why am I unhappy, then?” I mumbled aloud, fighting to control the sudden attack of depression. My hormones kicked into hyperdrive, and I instinctively reached for a knife that wasn’t there. “Turntable...Jack...where are you now? Why aren’t you here? Where are you?” I whispered to myself, knowing full well that I was being overdramatic. What did it matter? I missed my friends, but I had made a choice to leave them, there was no turning back. I raised my head and looked out into the distance, my eyes going hazy. This feeling of abandonment was all too well known to me, yet I wouldn’t let it get me down. My entire body started to quake as I felt a familiar sensation building up inside me. Pain, hatred, loneliness, depression. All those emotions bottled up for years, ready to explode. I grabbed the guitar case I kept in the corner of the balcony, unzipped it, and pulled out the sleek Stratocaster. The red and white coat of the guitar shone in the dim moonlight, and it reeked of cleaning chemicals. I kept it in good shape, it was my most prized possession. I plugged the guitar into a 6-foot tall stack amp, all Fender, and ripped right into a high E, blasting the noise in the direction of the Everfree. I didn’t care if I was heard, yelled at, whatever. All I cared about was releasing this stress. I took a deep breath while the note dragged on and released it into a yell, my false vocal cords going hyperactive and propelling my voice to go louder. My wings, scarred a misshapen after years of abuse, drug along the neck of the guitar, playing chords as my hoof slammed on a pedal, dramatically changing the tone of the guitar. I stopped my yelling and just burst into a solo, sending the sound of my anguish across the landscape. Youtube Video I finished, feeling purified of all negative emotions. That is, until I heard a voice calling from below, then my flames of hatred were re-ignited. "I'd know that playing anywhere. Where ya' been, Red? Hopefully not still angry?" The voice said, and the pony it belonged to appeared over the railing, on top of a crystal pillar. "Hey, Rampage" I said through gritted teeth. I still couldn't bring myself to trust him, no matter how hard I tried. Then I realized he had his mic and Telecaster with him, and I grinned. "You going to join me, Rampage? Like old times?" I said, with a hint of taunting. He and I used to play all the time, but that changed once he turned into a total jerk...I wiped the thought from my mind, watching as he hopped onto the balcony, staring at it with respect in his eyes. "Nice improvement, I like it", he said smirking, while erecting speakers out of emerald for the mic. I laughed in spite of myself, nostalgic about the experience. He used to always use emerald, said it worked best. To my surprise, he created another mic as well, and tossed it to me. "Should we play the usual, Red? You get harsh vocals, I'll do chorus?" He asked me, in all of his professionalism. I nodded silently, taking deep breaths. He rammed into a chord, and the drumline played along in my head. Youtube Video My vocal cords were vibrating like they hadn't in years. All my anger, all my sorrow, all my pain. All that remained of it went into this song as I yelled into the mic, bobbing my head to the rhythm. I was one with the music. I lived in it, for it. I was the music. My wings prepared for the solo as Rampage kicked off the first half, using magic to manipulate the strings. He then passed the baton effortlessly off to me, ending on the same note that I started on. We thrashed around, finishing the song up. My mane was dripping with sweat, and I could see that his was too. We stared at each other, no longer seeing ourselves as ponies. We were the embodiment of rhythm, of passion. I could now see he loved music as much as I, and I felt a sudden connection to him. I nodded and his horn glowed in response, beginning a simple chord that brought me into another fit of yelling and thrashing around, blasting the surrounding area with pure passion. Youtube Video We finished again, and my muscles were as sore as my wings from the thrashing. I was done, and so was Rampage. I turned around, my shell breaking open. I silently sobbed in memory of my lost friends, in revelation of my current loneliness. I then felt a hoof on my shoulder, and looked back to see Rampage. He smiled a little, and spoke softly; "You know, let's go inside and talk about what's happened in the past. Maybe we can sort this out yet". Hopefully.... I thought, refusing to hate him any longer. I'll give him one last shot We walked into my house together, with the best intentions of fixing what had been broken in the past
