Seeking Absolution

by Bluegrass Brooke

Rating: everyone
Tags: Discord, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna
Length: 2604

Discord aids the Princess of the Night in confronting her grievances. But is he really doing it for her sake?

Nightmare Night should be a festive time of year, but Discord's past failures continue to haunt him. Lost in his own world, he comes across the one pony in Equestria who can understand his situation.

A Halloween collab with my buddy, GravelordNito.

Cover art by LyraSempaiSketchBook on deviantart. Art belongs to them; I take no credit! If the artist wants me to take down the art, I'll do it asap.

Published 2015-10-28 01:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-28 01:20:02 UTC

A sentiment shared . . .

A sentiment shared . . .

The streets of Canterlot were deathly still, as though apprehensive of the night of terror to come. Decorations hung from all available space, masking the regular shine of the city in an orange-tinted glow.

Discord ambled aimlessly through the square, unsure of where to focus his “expertise.” An exorbitant amount of fake cobwebs coated the walls and bushes to the mixed delight and disgust of the ponies milling out into the streets. Pumpkins and crudely carved jack o’ lanterns dotted the porches of residents that had little better understanding of the holiday than he. Not that Discord could complain.

For centuries, Nightmare Night had been an isolated festival celebrated by a few outlying communities in Equestria. Now that their newest princess had endorsed the holiday, Canterlot had decided to give it the green light. Unfortunately, their exuberance was hindered by a staunch belief that everything had to have a “system.” The result proved to be a comedic mish mash of the government trying to micromanage while the citizens completely blew them off. Discord could not help but admire their rebellious streak.

He turned, eying the orange streamers reaching out from the surrounding posts and enclosing the fountain like a giant’s limp fingers. Discord could relate. Nightmare Night had been crafted as a lighthearted festival, a night of laughs and scares mingled together in harmony. A night to make a mockery of the demons that nagged and tore at one’s soul. Like me . . .

Discord shook the thought loose. No. He had changed. They knew that, right? And yet, as the ponies began to pour out onto the streets, Discord could not help but worry. Focus, Discord. Something, anything. He honed in on the gaggles of fillies and colts milling around the square. Their often poorly attempted costumes varied wildly in terms of shape, size, and colour, but nonetheless conveyed their unbridled excitement at the opportunity.

One lavender filly zoomed past, pirate’s hat and eyepatch nearly coming off in her haste. Discord chuckled softly to himself. How dreadfully generic. For a being of nearly unlimited chaotic potential, generic anything bored him to tears. What fun was their in dressing up if one relied solely upon cliches?

Turning away from that mundane massacre of creativity, he spotted the groups of parents and other adults eyeing the children with a mixture of amusement and concern. Even they were dressed for the occasion. If his information he gleaned from the guards could be believed, there would be several parties taking place tonight.

As Discord continued his unguided and undirected march through the streets, wrapped deeply within the confines of his own warped mind, he became more and more aware of the drastic increase in activity around him. He wore a mask of confusion as he raised his head, and noticed the ever-growing number of eyes centred on his serpentine frame.

Discord knew exactly why they peered, as when he looked into their eyes, one by one, he noticed them portraying all the emotions he dreaded. Fear, resentment, anger, and a whole range of gestures that were equally as negative in nature. Looking into their eyes induced a comparatively smaller range of emotions in the draconequus; sorrow, hurt, and shame.

Discord took off from the bustling square, and luckily managed to escape with his soul intact. He continued to mope, feeling worse about himself than he had in a very long time. Where is the chaos in pure negativity?

Lost in his own thoughts, Discord felt no uncertainty in his belief that he was unwanted in their peaceable kingdom. He rounded a corner for no obvious reason, and collided with something small, yet strong. Discord tripped over the top of the dark, ominous being, and ended up in a tangle of limbs on the grass just past it.

As Discord recovered, he turned round and prepared to put on his best ‘angry face’ towards whomever he had collided with. He halted, however, when he saw he had tripped over none other than the Princess of the Night herself.

“Discord?” Luna tensed, bristling like the myriad collection of black cats painted on the fence behind her. “What business do you have here?”

Discord raised an eyebrow, momentarily clearing his mind of his late grievances, and instead replacing them with a mild irritation. Seriously? If any creature had a right to wander around on Nightmare Night, it was a living monster like himself. “I’m the Spirit of Chaos!” He raised a finger in objection, “Thought I’d have a bit of fun with the locals,” he lied, turning his head away in a pout.

“Oh . . .”

‘Oh?’ What? Don’t act like you’re surprised! He snorted in frustration, honing in on her unadorned chest for the first time. “Enjoying the festivities sans the regalia?”

“I—I,” she bit her lip, “Is it wrong?”

He shrugged, leaning against a nearby tree. A part of him longed to tease her, but something about the alicorn’s mood demanded a generous amount of tact. “No, not really. It is not as though you hide your true form from them.”

Luna looked away, a small flush visible in the flickering lantern lights.

Her reluctance to talk wore on his patience. Perhaps she merely needed a change in scenery. With a quick snap of his talon, they were teleported to a deserted gazebo in the city park. “That better?”

Luna looked around as if expecting to see a spy pop out of the darkened bushes surrounding the circular structure. Seemingly satisfied, she jerked a quick nod.

Discord leaned against the nearest post, watching the nervous tick in her tail with a coy smile. “Festivities scaring you?” he jabbed playfully.

She shot him a disdainful glare. “No.”

‘No?’ Is that all I’m going to get out of you tonight? Discord longed to keep it casual, but it appeared that she would bring down the mood regardless. After a long, heavy pause, he spoke in an uncharacteristically gentle tone, “What troubles you?”

“Noth—”

“Do not say it, Luna,” he snapped loud enough for her to flinch. “I have not lived countless centuries to be lectured by you on truth.” There he went, acting his age again. How he despised admitting it, but in this case, it was necessary.

“I . . . I am,” she looked down at the worn wood beneath them, “this festival is but another reminder.”

“Of what?” Discord asked as they made their way out of the gazebo and away from the park. They turned and progressed down a side street, a stray cat as black as the night hissed upon their approach. It bounded off down the nearest dampened ally, it's hazel eyes piercing through them, as it reflected the light of the moon towards the pair from beneath the dumpster it had chosen as a place of refuge.

They both paused in the street before continuing their conversation, deciding this was the perfect place to finish their chat.

Luna watched the creature for a long moment, shivering before turning to him. “Surely you cannot be so blind as that, Discord.”

Discord would not grant her the satisfaction of an easy answer. “Enlighten me.”

“It . . . has to do with my standing in Equestria. After—”

“—what has transpired?”

“Yes,” she squeaked.

His heart ached, not only for her, but for himself as well. Though he professed as much as much as she that he had reformed, she at least had actions to back it up. That alone should be all the comfort she needed. “You have settled your debts to Equestria some time ago, Luna. Why do you cling to what no longer has bearing?”

“Because, Discord. It does have bearing.” Her eyes fell to the now distant lights of the square.

A familiar ache set in, the same he felt earlier amongst the ponies. She is the same . . . “Is it the way they look at you?”

Her entire frame tensed, though no words escaped her.

“They know you have changed. They value your presence here.” Unlike me. The being that betrayed them to Tirek could hardly be considered ‘valued’ by the ponies of Equestria. Tolerated, but never valued. “Twilight and her friends have proven this to you already, have they not?”

“Yes, but—” she shook her head violently, as if to suppress an outburst. “It is not their reactions I fear, Discord.”

“Then what—”

“It is the memories!” Her level voice broke as she continued, “Each and every time I look upon them, I remember. A constant reminder of my failures. They act as if it is forgiven, but . . .” She looked pleadingly into his eyes, “It cannot be remedied so easily, Discord!”

The words clawed at his conscious like a thousand ice arrows to the chest. Her mistakes could not be remedied? What about his? He had enslaved Equestria, twice! And if it were not for Twilight and the Elements, the world as they knew it would have been lost to his reign of tyranny.

“Silence!” He snarled so loudly that the walls of the alleyway shook with the magnitude of his voice.

Luna actually cringed, backing into the dumpster directly behind her, causing the cat to scamper away in fear.

“You think there is anything else you can do to remedy your past? Gods above, you are a fool!” He slammed a fist into the bricks, leaving behind a crater. “No amount of good deeds and right-intentions will blot out your transgressions. Live with what you have done and move on, lest it consume you!”

“But, they will not forget . . .”

“They will never forget!” Discord snapped, feeling the blood rise in his ears. For a moment, he loomed over her, huffing loudly. Every part of him ached to strike at her, to vent some measure of his pent-up frustrations upon the alicorn. However, he could not bring himself to do it. “They have forgiven you, Luna,” he breathed. “They trust you . . . they want you back. Be thankful, and accept that what has passed is in the past.”

Luna’s eyes grew wide upon his words, as if some unseen switch had been flipped in the recesses of her mind. Her mouth opened and closed until she managed to stammer, “You—you feel the same?”

Discord felt a rush of emotions at the question. Anger, frustration, and guilt, all fighting for control. “Yes! What? Did you think you were the only being in all of Equestria privileged enough to feel such sentiments?” He fell to his knees, too tired to hold it back anymore. An all-consuming fury took over as he stared at Luna. She had earned their forgiveness. He had done everything to earn their retribution. Why did she continually act as if she were the one suffering? “You are beloved, you belong. Be grateful for what you have, dammit!”

Discord’s voice continued to linger in the form of echoes for a few seconds, as it reverberated through the street. Passing ponies cast quick sidelong glances before moving on lest they bring about the full front of his fury upon themselves. The pair remained frozen in place, Discord not wanting to reboot the conversation, as the aftermath of pouring out his characteristically chaotic heart to Luna set in.

Luna stood as stoically as if his outburst had turned her to stone. Then with a visible effort, she pried her gaze away from him. She bit her lower lip whilst looking upwards towards her moon, as if searching for some form of aid. He lowered his head, eyes glued on the ground as the tears broke loose at last.

Discord could hear her cautious hoofsteps, but could not bring himself to care. He just wanted to scrunch himself up into a foetal ball and disappear, forever. Luna slowly and timidly reached out a hoof and tapped him on the shoulder reassuringly. “I—I . . .” Luna’s voice grew as feeble as a small child’s. “Do not cry, Discord. Please.” She joined him on the cool cobblestones, placing her wing awkwardly across his shoulders in a protective embrace.

Discord could not find the strength to lean away. Showing such weakness might be unbecoming, but it brought an unfamiliar and welcome comfort to him. Rather than speak, he gritted his teeth, fighting back the sobs.

“I am sorry, Discord. I—I did not realize . . .”

‘I did not realize.’ Those words at least rang true. Neither Luna nor the rest of his friends bothered to pay attention to the reality that ensnared him. “Indeed not.” the simple affirmation made her flinch as if he struck her. “I do not blame you,” he added hastily. “It is to be expected.”

“Aye, though,” she gave him a sad smile, “it is far from appropriate.”

“Appropriate is a relative term, Luna,” he sneered, prodding her forehead with a finger. “The Spirit of Chaos sobbing in an alley is far from appropriate I should think. As is the Princess of the night wandering around without her guards,” he added in a playful tone.

Luna shrugged in a would-be-casual manner. “They were too slow.”

Discord snorted a laugh, getting to his feet. “Well, I wonder how long we can go without them spotting you, eh?”

She gave the smallest of smiles. “Long enough I should think.”

They shared a glance towards the light filtering from the street beyond the alleyway. Some time remained to make something of the evening. Anything to distract from their sobering conversation.

Discord breathed a deep sigh of relief as they strode into the flickering festival lights beyond the alley. The heady scent of candied apples, pumpkin pie, and other baked treats assailed his nostrils. Even he had to admit, the ponies managed a pretty good spread. All around them ponies were laughing and carrying on, oblivious to the darker emotions the holiday brought to him.

And yet, though they occasionally cast a few concerned looks his way, Discord no longer felt hostility towards them. He chose to give them a wide grin and to his vast surprise, most returned it. His attention turned back to Luna. “Did-did you see that?”

“I did indeed.” Luna cuffed him playfully on the back of the neck. “Come. I see they have a ‘bobbing for apples’ booth. I should like to partake.”

Discord could not help but grin like a little kid to see her so eager. Her presence soothed him in a way he could not and did not want to quantify. Another who understood . . . another who had reformed. Perhaps she would teach him how to become accepted once more. Here before him lay the perfect opportunity. And he would not miss it. Not this time . . .

Author's Note

I've been wanting to write a Halloween short for a while now, but me being me, I didn't want to go the stereotypical route. So, rather than ghouls, goblins, bat ponies, and trick or treaters, I went with an emotional character piece. At least, that was the intention! I hoped you all enjoyed it. I know I have some Lunacord fans in my gang, so I thought I'd give you a little treat for putting up with my continual onslaught of Twicord. It's not much, but I think it could be interpreted as shippy or friendshippy based on your preferences. :raritywink:

Thanks for reading! As always, comments are ever appreciated.

— Bluegrass

P.S. I am still on a long hiatus. However, my collab shorts are not. Thus this story.