Dresden Files: Unicorn for hire

by timedragontardis

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Dark, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 2513

My name is Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden conjure it by your own risk I was trying to rescue a friend of mine when something went well weird even by my standards now i'm trapped in a pastel colored world filled with talking pony's, super...

My name is Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden conjure it by your own risk I was trying to rescue a friend of mine when something went well weird even by my standards now i'm trapped in a pastel colored world filled with talking pony's, super… oh ya and i'm one of them lets not forget that little detail.

Trapped in equestria how will harry Dresden survive, can he survive and when it comes time to leave if he does so will he want to?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-28 04:37:42 UTC

High school is no place for a wizard...

High school is no place for a wizard...

High schools are no places for wizards they are noisy, crowded, generally unpleasant and on this particular occasion housing a demon, at the moment this institution of learning was dead silent and empty that will happen when you break in, in the middle of the night, no students to get in the way and the loan security guard was taking a well deserved nap. The interior of the school was your basic fair lockers running down both sides of the hall classroom doors interspersed the pungent smell of teen hormones and sweat. Suffice to say there's a reason I have a GED.

This wasn't my first time visiting this school my apprentice Molly Carpenter attended here and I would occasionally come to pick her up for lessons after school, Molly, got into a bit of trouble a few years back with the white council of wizards, a draconian group dedicated to preserving the laws of magic one of which my dear apprentice broke by violating the minds of several people. She had good reason true but that kind of magic it twists you and good intentions or not she would have ended up a monster. there is only one punishment for any violations of the laws of magic and that's a sharp sword tru the neck luckily I was able to get her sentence dropped and got her put on a kind of probation called the doom of damocles but one mistake on toe out of line and not only would it be her head but mine as well.

It didn't take me long to find the reason I was here in one of the many classrooms, A.P. english if the sign on the front of the door was to be believed,  sitting on what I could only assume was the teacher's desk was a bleached human skull covered in arcane writing said skull was staring into a computer screen yellow orange light emanating from its eye sockets a happy glazed look plastered on its face the faint sounds of moaning could be heard from the computer's speakers.

    I entered the room in question the door being thankfully unlocked and shut the doors behind me as the sound of moaning got louder. I had been in the room less than a few seconds when a loud screech emanated from the speakers as they went out, followed by a soft pop as the monitor screen went black the smell of acred smoke floating through the air. wizards are hell on technology the newer it is the faster it breaks down I can kill a copier a 30 paces, the skull let out a disappointed groan and spun on the spot facing me.

“Dammit Harry it was just getting to the good part.” the skull whined “The pizza delivery boy just showed up and things were getting interesting.”

“Well gee Bob i'm all kinds of sorry to hear that.” I deadpanned as I picked up the skull his eye lights flashed and went a darker shade of orange “But we need to get out of here anyway it will be dawn soon and i'd like to get home and get something resembling sleep.”

I made my way out stuffing the skull into the mesh bag I kept at my belt to his muffled protests “besides there's something else in this place and i'd like to get out before it has noticed us so keep your voice down.” I made my way back the way I came at a sedate walk.

“Something else is in here sahib?” Bob questioned.

“Feelt it on the way in whatever it is, is big and I don't want to tangle with it.”

We were halfway to the entrance when, There was a noise at one of the intersections the sound of tearing and smashing  metal never a good sign. Throwing my back to the corner and Leaning around a set of lockers. “Correction”, I whisper, “there is definitely something else here.”  a rampaging demon. It was tearing its way thru a row of lockers undoubtedly looking for yours truly and it was getting closer dangerously so.

"yep that's definitely a rampaging nightmare eater," said the bleached human skull in the mesh bag hanging from my belt, not even bothering to keep his voice down. The ugly nightmare demon's head abruptly turned staring directly at me. the thing was black blacker than black and tall, It was oddly transparent and smokey and did I mention it was tall that's saying something I'm not a short man, lots of people have to look up to me literally. This thing made me feel small not to mention its rows upon rows of  sharp pointy teeth and is that a horn made of red glass it was looking right at me it's purple green glowing eyes burrowing into me it passed for just a moment and charged right at me. Bellowing like an enraged T-rex.

"Dammit Bob!" I screamed as I took off for the doors with the bellowing nightmare nasty hot on my heels. I was running for all i was worth taking corners at neer dangerous speeds at one intersection I raised my staff pointing it at a set of lockers behind me and bellowed “FORZARE!” tering the lockers from the wall with an application of force trying to block the demons path with little success as it barreled thru them with the screeching sound of a freight train cleaving a car in two. “Dammit” I muttered.

I dodged around a little circular display case with larger ones flanking it on the walls near the front doors. Inside the middle case I saw shoddily made gold tiara  adorned with a purple star I only noticed it because the demon utterly destroyed the case trying to get to me as luck would have it I slammed my way out the front doors running for the statue of a horse or maybe it was a pony hard to tell,  just outside if I could just reach that I might have a chance. As I got within about a foot of said statue I spun quickly on my heels just as big and ugly collapsed the entrance of the school with a resounding boom as bricks and glass came tumbling down. It was strong but even this thing couldn't run head long thru a mostly brick wall without being a little stunned but only a little it shook off its encounter with the wall lifted its head and began its charge anew right at me.

"Boss it's coming right at us" the human skull quivered.

"I know I want it too."I said not looking away from the toothy horror.

"You want it too, oh good I've been gone less than 24 hr's and you've gone suicidal, that's just lovely i'm glad you care so much Harry but could you, I don't know. Do something!" the skull screamed in terror as the creature loomed over us.

"I am." unbenounced to Bob I had prepared before going into the school haveing felt the demon before entering the school, after putting the guard sitting in his car to sleep with a whispered spell, I had opened up my wizardly senses trying to find Bob, Bob was easy but I also felt this thing and It definitely felt unpleasant.

I bellowed slamming my staff down and running a bit of my power through  it bringing up the chalk circle I had sketched down before storming the high school to retrieve Bob.

A circle is one of the most basic forms of magic and can be used to contain spirits demons and keep magic not only in said circle but out of it as well. They don’t have to be perfectly round mine sure wasn't and they don't have to be made out of chalk, really good wizards can just picture one in there mind or walk a circle with incense,sand, or salt if you're desperate.

The nightmare eater as bob called it, slammed hard into the side of the circle attacking the invisible wall for all it was worth, almost making me doubt the integrity of my work but lucky me it healed against the demon bashing its red horn into it and trying to bite it with its sharp teeth, I lend against my staff trying to get my breath while not the worst thing I ever had to outrun and i’ve run from a lot of nastys in my life  this one was defiantly in my top 50 for running down my stamina.

"Good job sahib." Bob cheered bouncing in his mesh bag "It's not often you see nightmare eaters this big someone in that school must have been cranking out some serious bad dreams, come to think of it there not usually this aggressive ether." Bob hummed how he did it without lips I will never know.

"what do you mean Bob it's just another demon right what even is a nightmare eater." I questioned lifting the human skull to eye level, Bob isn't actually a human skull Bob is a spirit of air and intellect a repository of wizardly knowledge who has served wizards in varying ways, since before the renaissance was a thing he was like the encyclopedia Britannica for the wizard who held his loyalty or to be more accurate, the skull he resided in.

"Nope not a demon a spirit and..Well boss you see." Bob hedged "Its like this nightmare eaters are generally more solid than this thing, it looks like it's mostly made of smoke plus there's that weird stumpy red thing on its head. Oh and then there's the aggression eaters are generally super laid back spirits and generally rather positive they tend to eat nightmares leaving the 'victim'." Bob stressed as if using air quotes "With positive happy dreams, if this is a eater it's been eating nightmares about steroids."

"well if it's not an eater what could it be then." I asked

"I have no clue harry but I can tell you is i'm 99% sure whatever it is it won't last a sunrise I can already feel its energy grounding out" bob said.

"Well that's good" i sighed plopping down on my rear end one less thing to worry about I stared up at the school cringing at the damage to the front doors this thing had done a number to the front of the building the 'C' in the schools name fell off with a resounding crash. "Huh who names these schools now days anyway.” I scoffed. leaning to put my back against the marble horse/pony statue "What kind of name is Canterlot high anyway." I said as my back hit the statue and ... kept going.

Suddenly my world was a kaleidoscope of color as I fell it felt like I was being stretched and pulled in all directions, contrary to popular belief this did not make me scream like a little girl thank you very much, what you don't believe me you can ask Bob, as I came sliding out of kaleidoscope hell I remember seeing a large mirror and then a tall white ceiling then I remember hearing blaring alarm bells followed closely by nothing as my head made friends with something  very hard and vary floor like.

***

It had been a fairly average night for Luna which was to say boring night court had finally started to pick up as after a while when Luna had first shown back up it was like it was when she was banished that is to say no one showed up to night court it didn't take long for that to change tho as slowly petitioners started to pile in at first it was a hoof ful than two hoof fulls and now nearly 3 years after her return Luna's court nearly rivaled Celestia's in size It gladden the lunar princesses heart to no end... at first  she was finally starting to get her sister Tia's little smirk when she mentioned how big her pool of petitioners was getting the solar diarch. Luna was in a word Board.

"Next petitioner night furry." Luna tiredly moaned to the batpony guard next to the throne.

"Next" the bat pony bellowed to his fellow by the door.

As the door slowly started to swing open the bat pony by said door raised a clipboard in his hoof to eye level and started to read "Presenting his royal highness of equestria 567th in line to the throne," Luna groaned inwardly knowing exactly who it was, for whatever reason the insufferable stallion had gotten it in his head that if Tia wouldn't fall for his plans that she might and if he had tried this stunt 2 or so years ago she might have but as it stood he had no chance in tartarus in pulling one over on her. "duke of the lower ring of canterlot, lord of blue, leader of the explorers league, magi of the 12th circle and mapper of the crystal caverns Prince Blueblood the 24th."

Just as the blond and white menace was about to open his mouth in greeting the castle alarms started to sound "O dear what is that dreadful noise auntie Luna." Blueblood all but wined "it's such a horrid racket please shut it off."

"Sorry dear nephew we will have to postpone this meeting for another time"Luna almost smiled getting Upton her hooves  almost. "It would seem we have an intruder in the castle Night fury pleas escort  blueblood and the rest of tonight petitioners to the exits reschedule them for a latter date, The rest of you guards with me." Luna ordered while taking off at a near gallop she was glad to have a reason to cancel court  what she was not happy with was the reason itself  as she recognized that alarm it was coming from the restricted section of the  starswirl the bearded wing and promised not to be anything good.

Luna hated to leave her guards behind not that she particularly needed them but, well this situation called for speed and they would only slow her down Luna lit her horn and teleported just outside the restricted wing and right next to her sister. "you heard the alarm to i take it" Luna looked up to her elder sister as she spoke.

"yes dear sister and whatever it is cannot be good be prepared for anything" Tia said lighting her horn and opening the gate. what they found neither sister was prepared for laying in-front of an old and dusty mirror was a rather battered and scared unicorn with a jet black coat and mane of white who appeared to be completely unconscious clutching a bleached white pony skull in a fish net bag in his hoofs said skull upon hearing the entrance seemed to bounce around to face them and with what could only be called a leer said "Hey beautiful, names bob this is harry could you tell me where we are."