JLI

by Outlaw

Rating: teen
Tags: Tragedy, Slice of Life, Dark, Anthro, Comedy, Romance
Length: 1392

A pony that lose his shit is a dangerous pony, a pony that has a split personality is even more dangerous, make him talk to them and he is fucking nuts

What happens when you put a cold pony in a warm village? He usually warms up, but with this guy, the ponies better get ready for another winter-wrap up.
Tragedy, sadness, let's just throw that out and replace that with insanity and split personalities.

No this is not a Deadpool crossover.
If you are offended by any character other than Nem, I'm sorry. If it is from Nem, then that's just how fucked up I make that guy, he is supposed to tick you off.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-03 17:50:01 UTC

Prechapter-The beginning of the buckfest

Just lose it

The beginning of the buckfest

The fire was spreading all over the bridge, cars started to explode. Blood splattered from other ponies that ended up trapped under cars, was stuck in the blast radious of the explosions or simply from jumping of the bridge. The ponies in Manehattan outside of the bridge could only watch as the tragedy occured, seeing the brimming despair on the bridge. I was sick and frightened from seeing this, it was the first time I ever saw something so horrible in Equestrian, then I saw them. I saw a Pegasus that had snapped his wings, trying to carry an female earthpony in his arms to safety. My heart froze over, it was my own parents. I tried to call out to them, but my voice failed me, and then I saw them falling. It all felt like in slow-motion, as if watching your life pass by. Then...

"Hey Jackflank, wake up!" A way too familiar voice called out to me, it was no other than the Jackflank, racist and sexistic pegasus Nem. His brown mane really worked for his dark-blue coat, but the trashy suit and tie really made me hate him even more. He was taller and more buff than me and always had the cockiest grin a pony could ever wield.

"You were spacing out again, you need to stop doing that and listen to the lesson." Another familiar voice told me, I turned my face towards the pink unicorn with a black mane, her mixture of gentle and coldness was her only distinguished features, Emi in a nutshell.

It was like being scolded by my mom, I would normally not say no to that, but this woman was different. I hated her too, with a burning passion that somehow, could never melt her cold personality. I hated them both, mainly because they never left me alone. It was not like I could get away from them, they would always stay with me. "Why?" You may ask, well it's because they are me.

"What is it now?" I grunted at them, ignoring the rest of the classrooms chattering.

"Teach is giving you the sign to walk up and say bye to this shithole." Nem pointed towards the podium, where indeed my teacher was eyeing me as to give me a sign to walk up there.

I sighed and rose up, shook my wings and fixed my yellow mane up a little, before I went up to the podium. I could feel everyone's eyes upon me as I took a position to the right of the teacher.

"Now I know that this may come as a schock for all of you, but Wolfgang here will transfer to another school in Canterlot this spring." And with that note, the classroom was packed with mumbling and chattering. Well I expected it, since I did not actually tell anyone about this.

"Now settle down, there will be time for you to say goodbye to him once this class is over, but you need to remember that we have a test at Friday." She said as if trying to calm them down, at same time she eyed me to make sure I didn't do something stupid.

"So remember to study for it and no drinking the day before. Now is there something you would like to say to the class, before you leave Manehattan?"

I started to open my mouth, but before I could speak, I felt as if my own personality was pushed back. Nem was taking over again and I ended up humming "Buck this shit I'm out! Buck this shit I'm out!" As I did some wierd dance, before I flipped of the class and my teacher. Then I just booked it. This happens from time to time, Nem takes over my body and pisses people off, usually it ends up with a big brawl that I have to miracously survive.

"You just had to, didn't you?" I asked him, panting as I slowed down for a breather.

"Come on, at least I didn't go all out, like smacking the teachers booty, motorboat Shilya and then show the classroom a full moon?"

He chuckled, the most annoying part is that he would actually make me do it, he's just that crazy.

We slowed down as I picked up my luggage in the Entrance, I took a long look back at the School, it was filled with students that had no care in the world. Man I envied them, they sure had it easy, not like the life I had.

"Well don't blame them, blame the author." Nem said, he also loved to break the fourth wall in his own way.

I sighed, but as I turned around to leave this shithole, I ended up bumping into an earthpony with a vanilla coloured coat. None other than the punching-bag Coco Pommel herself, she was concindered a hidden cutie of the school but to me, she was just a weakling that need to shape up.

"You okay?" I asked as I offered her my hand.

"Yes, I'm sorry that I bumped into you." She said as she took my hand and I helped her up to her feet.

"Then I say sorry to because that would be both our faults." I replied normally, then I decided to give her some Manehattan-street wisdom. "What cupsize you rocking?"

"HUH?!" She asked schockingly, but then retorted into her shy shell. "c."

"Wanna go have a last time in the toilet before I leave?" I asked her with a straight face, hiding my true intentions.

I could see her having an inner struggle, trying to say no but being afraid that I might hate her, it was a bad quality.

"F-fine..." She started to whisper but I stopped her.

"See, this is why you need to care about yourself a little more." She looked at me with confusion in her eyes, still having a mix of crimson and vanilla colour on her face. "If this keeps up, you're going to end up making accidental pornos and being ripped of jobs for sex."

I turned around and left the school, literally with my last words being "ripped of jobs for sex". My life is already so goddamn wierd and now with this transfer?

As I kept on wondering why I had been chosen for this transfer, I jumped into the unicab that they had prepared for me.

"Ready to go kid?" The cabdriver asked me, a unicorn with a beard that reminded me of Buck Chorries. "Once we enter the rift, there's no jumping out and returning to your past life."

What was this? The intro for a game?

"Hit the pedal dude, let's leave this shithole." I said, throwing my luggage in the back from the backseat.

"You got it kid, Ponyville next." He said and began the teleportation-spell, sending us both into the travel rift. "Keep all body parts inside of the veichle. We should arrive in about 6 hours." As the famous rift surrounded us, I relaxed and decided to take a nap again. Famous mistake from me...

"Aaaaaaaand with that, I think it's time for me to take over. Nem here and I think that you guys need to get what the deal is with this guy."

"Nem, calm down, we need to let the readers experience the story."

" Yeah, but it's not like they will stay here if they don't get what the hell this guy is up to. Anyway, that's Wolfgang, but people keep to call him Lonewolf. Pretty obvious since he never actually talks to anyone unless he have to."

"Well can you blame him Nem? His parents died in that accident 9 years ago."

" Yeah, we can't talk about that shit too much because of spoilers, but man that really bucked him in the plot, good thing that he found some joy in music or else he would probably go jump of the trashed bridge his damn self."

"Okay that's enough Nem, time for us to leave his body, his mind is waking up."

"Alright, if any ladies out there feel like for a roll in the hay, just contact me, I'll see you guys in the next chapter."

This is why I hate napping...