A Herdsman of Hearts

Chapters

Desperately Seeking Blossomforth (Pure Clop)
Pony Day Afternoon (Part 1)
Pony Day Afternoon (Part 2)

Desperately Seeking Blossomforth (Pure Clop)

"Wonderbolts and Alien Saves Equestria from Twittermite Thunderstorm. 'Winged it' says Alien."

"Human Salvages Tornado Day. Appointed Honorary Weather Manager. 'What a Twist', Says Human."

"Honorary Weather Manager Leads First Winter-Wrap-Up In Higher Gryphonia. 'It’s Cool' Says Manager."

"Princess Celestia Grants Earthling Hero Royal Charter For All Equestrian Weather Work on Earth. ‘It's a sunny daze’ Says Earthling.”

“Man and Mare Lead First Ever Storm Clean-Up Over New York. ‘Hail Yeah’ Says Big Apple’s New Weather Boss.”

The wall was running out of space to hang up new frames. Rocky just about managed to find a good spot between his weather engineering diploma from the Cloudsdale Academy and an old photograph of himself, the Wonderbolt captain Spitfire, intrepid explorer Dr. Daring Doo, and the love of his life, a certain petite snow-white pegasus. The photo was a good 8 years old, dating back to his arrival in Equestria, but it still never fails to bring a smile to his face. He couldn’t remember which of them gave him his nickname, ‘Rocky’, on account of his incredible talent for flying. But like many other things Equestria had given him, it had stuck.

He nailgunned a new mount before hanging his latest treasure, a newspaper clipping featuring a dashing photograph of a beautiful snow-white pegasus in a stylish blue flightsuit. The photographer had caught her in midflight as she flew by a gleaming new cloud station hanging above the Empire State Building. “WeatherMare Flies First Mission From New Weather Station ‘Liberty 1’. 'I Have No Puns For This' Says Weather Boss.” The headline read.

‘Beats working out of a rooftop pigeon coop.’ He thought as he stepped back to admire his handiwork. “Hey, Meepy, I think I got a serious chick pony fetish.” He called out. “I know it. My raging hard-on knows it. I’m in love with the chick pony in this photograph. I mean, all the chainsaw sounds my loins are making means I’m totally hopelessly in love, right?”

Gentle clip-clops approached across the wooden parquet. He looked behind him to find a beautiful snow-white angel, her soft white fur gleaming radiant in the sunset streaming through the tall windows. A gentle breeze sailed through the tall curtains before blowing playfully through her silky cherry-and-evergreen mane. In her mouth was a small silver tray bearing a single cup of dark red wine, no doubt their usual celebratory cup from their prized Equestrian collection. She padded over to a nearby coffee table to set it down carefully before trotting over to join him by his side.

“Apparently her name’s Blossomforth, the dashing poster mare for Forth Enterprises, Earth’s first ever weather mare and the beautiful face of New York’s weather team.” Rocky went on with a wistful sigh. “What’s a guy gotta do to score a piece of them delicious badonkadonks, huh, Meepy?”

The mare sat down her haunches and chuckled into her forehoof. “You can say, ‘pretty please, can I have some, Blossomforth?’. I can be generous. In a, uh, dirty way. B-but only for you.” She quickly looked away as a furious blush bloomed on her pure white cheeks. ‘Why is this dirty talk thing always so difficuuuuult?’ Blossomforth, the only mare in the universe to routinely declare her dirtiness, squeaked inwardly, clutching her feverish cheeks with her forehooves.

‘Why is her dirty talk so cuuuuute?’ Rocky fistpumped inwardly. “Huh, you can’t be the world famous Blossomforth. Pretty sure you told me your name’s ‘Meeplesquee’ when we first met.” He pointed out with an exaggerated frown.

“Well, I was pretty sure you were gonna eat me…” The mare murmured something under her breath.

“Sorry, couldn’t hear you over the sound of my raging hard-on.” Rocky said, raising a hand to one ear.

“I was pretty sure you were gonna eat me!” She blurted out in a louder squeak.

“And you know what? The funny thing is, right, the funny thing is...” He chuckled, leaning in close to one of her ears before dropping his voice to a menacing whisper. “You were right.”

She gave a loud squeak as she tried to leap away under a nearby sofa. She wriggled her flanks in a desperate attempt to squeeze underneath her hidey-hole. But he was too quick for her. With a quick lunge he had her hopelessly flailing form trapped in his arms. “OM NOM NOM!” He made a grand show of gobbling one of her forehooves. “Tastesh like marshmallowzz!” He gave a muffled growl into the soft, fluffy stuffing.

“Nooo, that’s mine! Get your own, you monster!” She gave a defiant squeak, booping him on his nose repeatedly with her remaining hoof.

“Okay.” He drooled liberally all over her forehoof. “My germs! Now it’sh aaaall mine!”

“Foal, you can’t take what’s already yours.” She settled into a light chuckle.

He paused mid-nibble, a bit of drool dripping forgotten to one side. “Ewwww, mommy, this one’s all sappy.” He released her forehoof before burying his face in her soft, fluffy chest. “Need something sweet to wash the taste out.” He muttered, rubbing his face into her silky smooth fur.

“Pfft, eat your fill then, you big foalie.” She giggled, giving his messy hair a loving caress with a forehoof.

“Y’know, I think I finally figured out my fetish, Meepy.” He finally said, putting on a serious look as he straightened up with her cradled in one arm. “I like…” He gave a dramatic pause, gesturing out into the middle distance as if painting a grandiose vision in the air, “...marshmallows.”

He received a boop to the face for his trouble. “We need to go to the big colts store and get you some grown-up fetishes.” She sighed, though her big sapphire eyes twinkled with obvious mirth.

“Excuse me, my fetish is so grown-up it puts the wheelbarrow in diapers. Look, it’s so mature I’m having a classy glass of wine with it. Nine out of ten connoisseurs say red wine totally goes with white marshmallows.” Rocky picked up the glass of wine in one hand while holding his captive in the other. “Now, I would like to propose a toast, whether you like it or not.”

“Foal, I only brought the one cup for you. We can’t toast with just the one.” She giggled.

“Challenge accepted.” He grinned a wicked grin. “A toast to my one and only fetish and her beautiful marshmallowy badonkadonks.” He raised the cup to her before sipping a big mouthful. “Mmmph.” He turned to her, giving her a meaningful look, one about as meaningful as a chipmunk’s.

“Pffft!” She burst into a bright giggle at the sight of his puffed-up cheeks. “There’s a reason I only brought the one for you. You know how easily I get tipsy.” She tried to wave him off.

But he only tightened his hug around her as he puckered his lips exaggeratedly, giving her his most irresistible duck face. “Mmmph!” He insisted, somehow managing to puff up his cheeks even further.

“You actually want me drunk, huh?” She gave a helpless sigh as she curled her forehooves around his neck, pulling herself up towards him. “I’m not responsible for anything I do while under your influence.” She said before pressing her soft lips against his. She playfully licked her long, velvety tongue across his lips before parting them with a peck, releasing a trickle of wine into her mouth. Her soft tongue gently lapped more of the sweetness out of his mouth and into her own. She gave a soft moan into his mouth as she explored deeper and deeper for more of the increasingly elusive drink. He offered up more of the treat, feeding it to her with his own tongue, earning him a little chorus of moans from his little pegasus. It was a while before they parted lips, if only to allow him some air. With her powerful pegasi lungs she could have gone on forever.

“And that’s what I call a ‘French Toast’.” He chuckled as he drew back. “Meepy, what’re you doing?” He asked as the mare in his arms leaned into him, wrapping her lips around a shirt button. “M-Meepy?” He gave a little gasp as he felt her unbutton him with a single flick of her long, dexterous tongue.

“It’s in the way. Of, you know, us mating.” She tried to growl huskily as she moved on to his next button. It came out as more of a purr. It was surprisingly still as sexy.

“Meepy, we’ve been over this, you need to actually be drunk to use the ‘drunken sex fiend’ card to get in my pants. We’re talking a pint of the good stuff at least. A baby sip won’t even get you a glimpse of…” He began before he was suddenly silenced by his own shirt being tugged unceremoniously over his head. His breath hitched as he realized his sweet little pegasus was actually seriously rarin’ to go. The small patch of wetness he felt where her honeypot touched against the bare skin of his stomach more than confirmed it.

A lone snow-white feather hanging from a gold chain around his neck bounced against his chest. The two gave a brief, almost reverential pause as she reached out a forehoof to caress the feather. It was one of her primaries, one she had given him to show him she was his little pegasus, one he wears to show the whole world he is proud to be her human. It would be the only thing to remain upon his person that night if she had her way.

“No more dallying, you have a whole pint to make up. Of your cum, I mean.” She suddenly said with husky urgency as she somehow managed to wriggle around in his arms to come face to face with her next challenger, his belt buckle. Talking dirty came a lot easier to her while hanging upside-down for some reason. Might be the fact that all her blood was already rushing to her face anyway.

“W-what a plot twist.” He mumbled intelligently, staring numbly at the rear end of the upside-down pony he was holding. “M-Meepy, are you sure? You haven’t even fully recovered from last tiiiiiiii~me!” He finished with a gasp as Meepy’s magic tongue won its wrestling match with his belt buckle, releasing it with a satisfying snap against his nethers. “Oookay, ma’am, yes, ma’am.” He squeaked.

What little presence of mind he had left rushed him to their apartment's cozy little bedroom, upside-down pony and all. He made it to their bed just as Meepy decided she’d had enough of his trousers, dropping them into a tight pool around his ankles. He barely avoided tripping, laying her down on her back on the edge of the bed and catching himself on either side of her. He was about to straighten up from where he was leaning over her when he felt something tug gently on his briefs. He felt something hit his heart like a party cannon as he looked down at the culprit. He found her lying right at the edge of the bed with her head and neck curved over the edge, his briefs tightly gripped in her muzzle. But what got him was the loving, pleading look in her bright sapphire eyes, laying her intentions bare.

He could only give a stiff little nod. She gave him a thankful smile through the mouthful of underwear before tugging it off, releasing his manhood to her tender mercies. She released the meddling cloth and licked her lips hungrily at the sight of the big treat that was about to be hers.

Except he decided to ruin the mood by kicking off his trousers and underwear and reaching inside their bedside cabinet for a bottle of isotonic sports drink. “Alright, Meepy, you know the rules. Open up.” He trilled, uncapping the bottle.

“You just can’t help it, can you?” She huffed, crossing her forehooves impatiently. “You’d better not ruin my treat too. And I mean, um, that.” She blushed deeply as she waved a forehoof in the general direction of his nethers.

“Yes, yes, I promise I won’t get competitive with the plastic bottle.” He chuckled, holding the bottle to her lips. She rolled her eyes at him, even as she obediently allowed him to bottle-feed her. Still, despite how ridiculously awkward he was sometimes, she couldn’t help but feel a happy little glow inside at his display of thoughtfulness for her wellbeing. Mating with humans is a far more prolonged affair than ponies are used to, making it very taxing on her water and, very importantly, her salt stores. While she would be a good girl and prepare herself well for planned matings, he would always insist on lovingly bottlefeeding her before their more impromptu romps.

She suspects he takes secret pleasure in it.

He saw her eyeing his semi-erect shaft like a hawk, making sure he kept his word and kept his arousal to a minimum. He knew she gets off on the feeling of his manhood growing and stretching her throat. It was the closest thing he had to a stallion’s pre-climax ‘flare’, except much to her delight it was anything but the climax for humans, it was only the beginning of a long sensuous throat-fuck. Ponies, being ruminants, naturally enjoy the sensation of having their mouths and throats filled. It was not uncommon for them to go as far as finding it sexually arousing, making fellatio and deepthroating a very intimate and pleasurable act for mares. And for a good few like Blossomforth, a good hard throat-rutting alone could often bring them to climax. So he did his best to keep his word as he tried to think of taxes, Edward Cullen, anything to keep the little man down.

Still, it was a losing battle with her lying before him, forehooves curled over her chest demurely, her big beautiful sapphire eyes on him as she drank from his bottle. He decided to hurry a little, putting the bottle aside. Sensing his urgency, she gave him an eager little nod.

He gave her a little upside-down peck on her lips, eliciting a soft squee from her. There’d be no further foreplay if he was to give her the promised treat. They’d have to go straight to the main event. He leaned over her, lowering the tip of his manhood to her waiting mouth. She gave it a tiny, expectant kiss, telling him she was ready. With a short but firm thrust, he penetrated her soft lips and pushed inside, earning him an excited moan that he could feel all along his shaft. He echoed her with a low groan as moist softness welcomed him in. Ponies had higher body temperatures than humans, a fact that he got to experience the full brunt of as her steamy hotness embraced him fully. He felt his fleshy mass weigh down on her tongue for but a moment before the writhing hotness licked at his entire length, coaxing him deeper inside her. The sound of her eager suckling on his shaft filled the room as she sought to pull him into her throat with all the ferocity of a twittermite-vacuum.

His tip was already tingling madly under the tender ministrations of her hot, silky tongue and her expert suckling when it reached the tight ring of her throat. He could feel her impatient eagerness double as she took slow, deep breaths into her strong high-altitude-flight lungs in preparation. Once ready she would be able to hold her breath for what would feel like forever, a fact that made pegasi champion deepthroaters.

She finally reached a forehoof up to give him a tap on his waist, signalling for him to begin. He reached down to cup a palm tenderly around her muzzle, eliciting a tender hum from her. He drew back a bit, allowing the ring of her throat to relax, before thrusting his entire length in one firm stroke. He penetrated deep into her hot, slick tightness, feeling her passionately needy moan ripple powerfully against his member as he pushed deeper and deeper into her. He saw her wings, already at half-mast, flare out across the bedspread, stiffening visibly with her euphoria.

He gave a loud groan as he hilted deep inside her throat, his testicles pressed up tight against her muzzle. As he promised, he was still only at half-mast, ready to swell and lengthen even further within the already constricting embrace of her throat. He couldn’t help but suspect that Blossom had some earth pony blood somewhere in her lineage if the grip her forehooves applied to his butt was anything to go by. She held him fast, not allowing him to slip even a millimetre as she took her time in enjoying the feeling of his heavy length slowly filling her up.

He placed a hand around the slowly growing bulge in her throat and gave it a gentle but firm squeeze just the way she liked it, earning him a long happy moan that reverberated around his shaft. He felt his own firm girth stretch his grip on her neck as her contented moans continued to massage his manhood. He revelled in more than just her warm grip of her throat rippling tighter and tighter around his swelling cock, he felt a fierce passionate love for her for trusting him so deeply, offering him her most vulnerable self to accept him into her. He knew his beloved Meepy had a lovingly submissive side to her, taking passionate pleasure in devoting herself to him. But he also knew that she very genuinely gets off on a long, firm throat-rut. ‘Make love to my lips as hard as you can’ she would tell him. And by Celestia’s flaming hot sunflanks he’d give her all the love she wants.

As he allowed her time to enjoy her treat, he couldn’t help but eye the rest of the delicious feast before him. From her soft, furry chest to the cute mound of her pony tummy, widening into her shapely rumps and her adorable rearhooves kicking excitedly at the air like a little foal, not to mention her silky cherry-and-evergreen tail swishing happily against the bedspread. And amidst all the eye-candy was the treasure box, the luxurious pink mounds of her teats and their nipples standing proud with arousal. Just below it was the prize with her bright glistening pearl peeking meekly out of its hood just above her steadily leaking mare-mound.

The temptation was just too much to resist. He slowly leaned forwards, propping himself up on his elbows as he pushed her plush thighs apart as far as they’d go. Blossom, being the incredibly flexible mare she is, allowed her legs to go all the way, granting him complete access. He squeezed one teat tightly at its base, gathering the soft flesh up to give it a barrage of suckling kisses and licks while tracing teasing circles around the other with a fingernail. He felt Blossom moan loudly around his shaft as he pulled the teat into his mouth with his tongue, suckling on the bud as he bit into its soft, firm base.

Feeling suddenly adventurous, he wrapped his elbows around her thighs and straightened up. Blossom gave a loud squeak around his cock as her rear was suddenly pulled high into the air, leaving her hanging upside down by her rearhooves. Her gleaming marehood trickled and dripped across her chest and muzzle as she hung helplessly at his mercy. Her already tense wings fluttered stiffly with excitement, something he had never seen her do before. She spread her legs wide to either side of his head, opening herself up for his viewing pleasure as her swollen pussy winked invitingly at him, teasing him with the bright pink softness hidden within. He looked down at her, surprised at her coquettish display. Her full cheeks burned with a feriocious blush in reply.

He reached back down with one hand and caressed her neck gently as he felt himself reach full mast, stretching her impossibly taut insides to full. The impatient moan that rippled around his shaft confirmed it. She was ready and, judging by the tugging of her forehooves on his butt, she was also very eager. He reached for her forehooves, making doubly sure they had a good grip on him. After all he would rely on them for guidance and their release as a signal for a hard stop.

He drew back slowly, feeling every rippling ridge tug longingly at his shaft until his tip was right outside the tense ring of her throat. He drove his length back in, penetrating the tight ring and stretching her insides once more. She craned her neck to take it in even deeper, moaning loudly around his throbbing mass. Again and again he roughly penetrated her with long, deep strokes, molding the firm muscles of her throat around his spear. She moaned lovingly into him between each thrust, spurring him on further.

He felt one forehoof squeeze him tightly. He panted as he slowed and drew out until only the tip rested on the edge of her tongue. Her tight hold on him wouldn’t let him deprive her fully of her beloved toy. She took a loud gasp, the rush of warm air around his moist cock sending shivers up his spine. Her long, dexterous tongue flicked at his oversensitive tip as she suckled on him deeply with each long, deep breath. Her honeypot was overflowing, trickling her burning hot nectar all over his exposed dick, causing him to give a surprised gasp. Her tongue glided out to lick her own essence off his cock. He couldn’t help but groan at the sinfully luscious display. He would have liked to enjoy it forever, except she was already eager to get going again. Having refilled on air, she gave him a series of tight squeezes with her forehoof, signalling for him to rut her mouth fast and hard.

The new upright position he was trying for the first time gave him unparalleled strength as he forced his way into her waiting throat with a rough, swift stroke, eliciting a cry of delight from her. As he filled her with thrust after swift thrust, he turned his attentions back to her soaking winking marehood as it leaked cum all over their frantic lovemaking. A tiny angelic Blossomforth piped up on his right shoulder, warning him that Blossom wouldn’t like anything that would bring her to a climax all too soon, not even the slightest stimulation. A devilish succubus Blossomforth popped out on his left shoulder, pointing out the obvious; It’s an overflowing Blossom-hotpot that was his for the taking. Enough said.

Needless to say, devil-Blossom won.

He used his left hand to spread her tender, swollen lips, allowing more burning hot honey to drizzle all over Blossom’s tummy, chest and muzzle. With his right hand he curled a wicked finger into her soft, tight depths. Her desperate moan spurred him on as he leaned in and gave her oversensitive pony-pearl a deep, loving kiss. He suckled the little nub, forcibly tugging it out of its hood before gently gripping its tender base with his teeth, trapping the increasingly engorged head at the mercy of his tongue. She gave a loud cry of pure ectasy, her head rising up, driving his shaft deeper inside her. He ran his curled finger deeper inside her, pushing up against the inner wall of her clit, massaging more of the helpless prisoner into his mouth to meet his eager tongue. He brought his other hand back down to her throat, giving the fleshy bulge marking his cock's passage a gentle caress as he drew out. As he thrust into her one last time he gave the returning bulge a firm grip. That did it. Her back arched as her little pony body went into euphoric spasm. Flaming hot pony-honey squirted from her hopelessly leaking hotpot, drenching his face.

To his great horror, she released her forehooves’ hold on him, signalling for a hard stop, something she had never done before. He quickly pulled out of her mouth as cold terror drenched him. ‘Oh god, please be alright, please be alright.’ He pleaded.

“R-Rooocky!” She gave a loud, passionate gasp. “I-I’m cumming!” She cried as her entire body rippled with the force of her orgasm. “Q-quick, i-in my flower, p-pleaaaase!” She pleaded urgently. With no time to change positions, she kicked her rearhooves up and over her head, spreading them wide apart as she bent her belly against her chest, curling her body into a perfect ‘U’. She lowered her pulsing pussy down to his nethers, offering it up to his cock. Her trembling forehooves reached up to spread her swollen petals apart to receive him. “H-hurry!” She squeaked as another wave of euphoria ran through her from muzzle to tail.

He was in uncharted territory, his numb brain still reeling from fear and concern. But Blossom’s pleas struck him with a more immediate worry as he realized her urgency; She wanted to try and finish together, something they had never had much success at.

He gathered himself and grasped her rearhooves tightly, helping her steady herself. He let his tip sink into her pulsing opening. He barely thrusted before her rippling love-canal tugged him into her moist embrace. If her mouth was hot, her pony pussy was almost scalding as it closed around him. Her normally tight nethers were made impossibly tight by her raging orgasm. He bucked hard, spearing her in two as he forced past her pulsating resistance. He saw the normally smooth mound of her pony belly swell visibly to accommodate its violent intruder. Thick, hot marecum aided his invasion, squirting out in torrents into her panting mouth below. She lapped up and swallowed the overflowing honey, eliciting a loud growl of approval from him.

“A-aaahn, please, h-hurry! Mnnhhh...T-take me! Make me your mare!” She pleaded in between her throes of ectasy.

Rocky could tell she was dragging out her orgasm, trying to last as long as she could for him. “Then...then keep giving yourself to me, Meepy!” He spurred her on with a feral growl as he began to pump into her, pushing deeper and deeper into her with each powerful thrust. He felt her pussy tighten around him with renewed vigour as a fresh orgasm wracked her body from his loving words alone. “Give me everything!” He barked, enticing a loud ecstatic moan from her.

His frantic piledriving finally hit home as he hilted into her. He was about to draw back when he felt something warm and moist tug at his testicles. He looked down and found Blossom suckling on his balls, her tongue licking at them with fresh fervour. The tight seal of her lips around his sacks trapped his already constricted cock inside her, limiting him to short swift strokes that would only jackhammer her innermost wall. Retreat was not an option at any rate; The tight ridges of muscle deep within her, designed to trap a stallion’s flare with an ursa-like grip, had already clamped down on him mercilessly. He thrust into her deepest depths, hammering his tip against her furiously spasming and leaking final barrier, tugging her rippling muscles with each stroke, pumping his testicles into her frantic tongue. She gave a loud, passionate moan around his balls. That did it. The pulse rushed through his testicles as he pushed as deep as he could into her body, unloading everything he had past her final barrier and into her deepest nethers. “Blossom!” He cried, feeling his thick, hot spurts paint her burning depths. Blossom gave a loud, passionate cry for him as he flooded her tight embrace with his fiery load. Her tight little pony body filled and filled with his hot seed until the pressure around his cock felt furiously unbearable. The tight seal of her pussy finally broke, releasing their combined love in rivulets around his deeply embedded cock.

He felt her release his sacks with a weary moan. She opened her mouth wide and dazedly stuck her tongue out to catch the love potion trickling out of her thoroughly-used cunny. She lapped it up eagerly, if sleepily. He felt his manhood twitch with a few more spurts at the saucy sight of her swallowing up hot cum straight out of her own love-pot.

He gave a long, low groan as he slowly pulled out against the stubborn tug of her spasming insides. With it came more of their honey mix, unloading straight into her waiting mouth. She craned her neck weakly, wrapping her tongue lovingly around his shaft as it emerged, licking every inch clean. As the tip finally emerged with a reluctant pop, she gave it a long, deep kiss, suckling on the last of his love.

He was quick to scoop her up and hold her tight, allowing her to curl up into a little ball against his chest. He gave her a long, deep kiss, one that she groggily but lovingly returned.

“W-we finished.” She whispered, weakly cupping a forehoof about his cheek, giving him the happiest, if exhausted, smile he had seen her wear in ages.

“Yeah, we did.” He planted a loving kiss on her forehead as he gently stroked her mane. “I love you so much, my little angel.”

“A-and I love you, m-my sweet prince.” She murmured, her sapphire eyes brimming with happy tears. “Thank you.” She whispered softly before trailing off into deep, even breathing.

He cradled her sleeping form for a while, rocking her back and forth. His heart felt full, far too full for words. It was overflowing with love, love for the wonderful guardian angel who had kept him alive through his years stranded on Equestria, love for the brave selfless mare who followed him into an alien world to build a new life with him, love for the sweet soul who gave him his only reason for being.

He sighed as he fought down a new erection. ‘Not without Blossom, never without Blossom, these belong to Blossom and only Blossom’, he had promised himself. It was a stupid, sappy little promise, but one he kept true to. No, his little show of arousal didn’t mean he was in any way left unsatisfied, he adamantly convinced himself. His poor little Meepy had fought to last long enough to allow them to become one together, a rare achievement. And it was not for lack of trying. No matter how hard they tried together their attempts at intercourse would always end with her climaxing within moments before swiftly drifting off to sleep. And despite her insistence, he refuses to carry on without her.

It was just simple pony biology; Whoever designed pony mares had world sprinting champions in mind, not endurance runners. As a result their sex life has thus far been reduced to a ritualised turn-taking affair. Not that he doesn’t enjoy slowly and tortuously pushing her buttons. And she certainly enjoys giving him wingjobs and hoofjobs and most definitely takes pleasure from their throat-rutting, often going as far as climaxing from that alone. But the two had longed for the chance to actually mate and be one. Well, outside of her heats at least, that one time of the year during which the normally timid Blossom would transform into a little pony sex demon.

So it was no exaggeration to say that tonight was the holy grail they had long sought together. As he gently set her down in the middle of a pile of comfy pillows, he went over what they did. As he got up and dressed himself with a bathrobe he realized the key would be in what they did differently from their usual routine. He pondered hard, searching his memories of their turbulent romp for the answer as he moistened a clean towel in the bathroom. He picked up a notepad and pencil on the way back and penciled in his notes.

Threatening to eat her?
Chasing?
Nibbling on hooves?
Wine?
Upside down sex? (Secretly a bat pony?)
Wing flapping?
Bending over?
Constricting her clit?
Feeding her cum?
Testicle-play?

He frowned at the list, realizing it made him seem like a rather sick fetishist. But somewhere in there was the answer to helping Blossom. All he had to do was find out which one. He sighed as he set the list aside and began cleaning up Blossom’s face and fur with the warm towel, earning him a few contented hums from her.

Where would he start? And how?

How he wished there was an alicorn princess of sex he could just go ask.

Pony Day Afternoon (Part 1)

Cloud Nine is a very nice cafe and bar with a rooftop terrace overlooking the busy junction of Thirty Third and Sixth and Greeley Square. When it first opened five years prior, the saner citizens of New York had called the owner insane for setting up a cafe on a desolate rooftop. The owner, the arguably aptly named Crazy Jack, used to laugh them off and say that he’s happy being closer to the angels than the jackasses on the street. Often while sober.

The later success of the cafe had become an interesting point of debate on the definition of ‘sanity’. The angels really did come for Crazy Jack, mainly in the form of the weather pegasi working the weather station, previously situated in an overglorified pigeon coop planted on a rooftop of a building on Park Avenue just a few blocks down. At first they began frequenting the place out of convenience, the rooftop terrace proving to be a convenient landing strip for pegasi.

Being the crazy entrepreneur he is, Crazy Jack began catering to his pegasi guests, serving them a whole host of Equestrian favourites including Cloudsdale cloud cakes and Sweet Apple cider shakes. The cafe’s interior was redone with ponies and particularly pegasi in mind, with large breezy windows, low chaise lounges and pony sitting pillows, fur-safe carpeting and pony-friendly bathrooms. The wide entrance was equipped with convenient hoof-washes and featured a half-finished unicorn teleportation platform that was stuck in development hell at the time. The lofty ceilings were reinforced and fitted with an upside down lounge complete with hanging-perches and a large bird feeder filled with tropical fruit for the ceiling-loving bat ponies. Even the rooftop terrace was fitted with a large stone pegasus bath, a flower garden/buffet and a launch pad complete with bright landing lights.

Rocky remembers Crazy Jack simply disappearing off the face of the earth for a good six months at one point. He left the cafe in the hands of a random Shinto monk he had pulled off the street at random who turned out very decent at the job. When Jack finally returned he had a chestful of dragon treasure, a tan and a scar across one eye. He had told Rocky he had just gone out on a little walk and immediately introduced him to the cook and shopkeeper he had happened to bump into and hire on the spot. The cook was a brilliant unicorn chef named Sugar Belle, the shopkeeper a travelling trader named Teddie Safari. (Jack also went on to start a herd with the two, one of the saner things ever accredited to Crazy Jack).

Before long Sugar Belle had turned Cloud Nine into a home-cooking-quality cookhouse for humans to sample Equestrian cuisine or for Equestrian expats to get a little taste of home. Teddie, meanwhile, opened the Cloud Nine Emporium, selling all manner of legal imports from Equestria such as Featherfirst’s luxury preening oils or Flax & Wheat’s rejuvenating mane shampoo (and a few illegal ones like Playcolt magazine back-issues and Crystal Empire rock salt in Cloud Nine’s infamous backroom, but only if you ask her nicely). It wasn’t long before Cloud Nine had become the go-to hangout for ponies working in the Big Apple as well as all the curious human hanger-ons keen to catch a glimpse of earth’s alien visitors.

The fact that the local weather boss and Crazy Jack were old detention buddies definitely had nothing to do with the cafe’s success.

A soft jingle filled the cafe as the wide windowed door swung open with an aged but gentle creak. Rocky pulled off his flight goggles and allowed them to hang from his neck around his aviator scarf as he stepped into the bar. He quickly missed his goggles' tinted lenses as the bright sunset light dancing across the billowing white curtains threatened to blind him. The sweet aroma of freshly baked delights mixed with the musk of the aged liquor did nothing for the butterflies plaguing his stomach. Normally the cafe would feel like home but that wasn’t the case that particular evening. It felt more like that one time he had to follow Daring and Spitfire into an ancient Incolt tomb filled with scorpions and cobras and scorpion-cobras. He focused on the task at hand, scanning the ponies and humans seated about the cafe for her.

Most of the patrons that afternoon had their eyes on the large plasma TV in the corner lounge. Instead of its usual live football or the new-fangled Equestrian recordings of hoofball, it was showing the news. “...2000 extra tourists visited New York today just to see Earth’s first real life weather factory where it is now stationed high above the Empire State Building. I am standing here on its eastern side where you can catch a great view of the literal rainbow falls and station’s grand new entrance done up in what we’re told is traditional Cloudsdale architecture. Tour companies have moved fast to offer blimp and hot air balloon rides that promise to take visitors to the edge of the newly-imposed pony-only flight zone, close enough to catch a glimpse of the weather pegasi busy at work. The factory will help mass-produce tailor-made weather that will allow weather teams to operate all throughout the east coast and soon the whole of the United States. Mayor Sarah Tupper is certain that this latest addition to New York’s skyline will come to be as iconic to the city as Times Square, maybe even the Statue of Liberty. Our reporter, Top Story, is in the air now to get us a closer view…”

He tore himself away from the distraction, bringing himself back to the task at hand. He was about to give up and wait when he noticed a familiar head of hair. Sure it was the wrong colour, jet black instead of its usual auburn red, but that silky straight bob was unmistakeable. Her brilliant green eyes and idle smile replaced his doubts with grim assurance as he approached the woman sitting in the secluded booth in a corner. He couldn’t help but tut inwardly at the black rider jacket she wore over her vest. He had told her repeatedly that biking in New York would be the death of her.

He took a slow, deep breath as he approached. Meeting her was never easy. It felt like bitter disappointment competing with sour-sweet schoolboy giddiness, a very nauseating mix. ‘Kindness, generosity, laughter, loyalty, honesty.’ He thought to himself as he put on his best smile. ‘And love. Don’t forget love.’ He added to himself, thinking of his Meepy. “Hey, this guy bothering you? Shall I remove him from your life forever?” He said, putting on his make-nice face as he pointed at the empty seat across from her.

“Har, har. Careful, one of these days someone might bite.” She looked up from her coffee to give him a warm smile. After 8 years it was nice to see some things haven’t changed. “Take a seat. Thanks for agreeing to meet up.”

“Thanks for agreeing to meeting here, Sam.” Rocky sat down, sinking right into the seat. Crazy Jack really didn’t compromise on quality. Even the seats and pillows were comfy and plush. “Sorry about Crazy Jack by the way. I told him to lay off the serenading.”

“Oh, I don’t mind. I know he doesn’t mean a word he says. He never did, even back in school.” Sam chuckled. Rocky couldn’t help but feel her bright, jingly laughter pull at something he had long buried somewhere deep inside. “Besides, he’s got, what, two...herdwives is it?”

“Herdmates. And it’s three.” Rocky corrected.

“Hi, Rocky!” He was blindsided by a sudden and very enthusiastic glomp to his ribs.

“Whoah, Sugar Belle!” He gasped, giving the pale cerise unicorn a one-armed hug in return. That was one thing his long stay in Equestria had long since gotten him used to; Ponies and their love for physical contact. “Loving the bun in your mane. Literally.” He patted the giant magenta muffin bun she had tied her hair into.

“I woke up with it. Naughty Jacksy sneakily did it while I was asleep.” She chuckled into a forehoof. “I will get him back though. I have a big pink polkadot ribbon I’m gonna tie into his goatee.” She whispered with a wink. “So, what can I bring you? We have….” She began, levitating her unicorn-friendly smartphone up to take his order.

“Muffins?” Rocky poked at her muffin hair again. The two broke into affectionate laughter. “A cup of tea for me, please.” He finally said.

“She’s sweet.” Sam said as Sugar Belle trotted off with his order. “Is she one of them? Jack’s herdmates?”

“Yeah. His first, actually. They met in Equestria. Though considering it’s Jack, it was probably more a freak accident.” Rocky said. “Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean for us to get sidetracked.”

“Nah, it’s cool. I kinda needed that, actually. I can see why she’s with Jack. She compliments him pretty well.” She said, watching as Sugar Belle greeted a group of ponies with her usual upbeat cheer. “Looks like that’s what everyone’s calling you these days. ‘Rocky’.” She chuckled.

“Yeah, it’s kinda hard being me.” Rocky sighed, before wilting under her pointed glare. “The pegasi thought it described my incredible talent for flying when I first arrived in Equestria.”

“I think it’s cute.” She said, before suddenly looking away. “Uh, anyway, how is Blossomforth?” She abruptly changed topics.

“She’s weathering it well.” He said, earning him a facepalm of despair from her.

“Dammit, please don’t tell me you inflict your shit puns on poor Blossom as well?” Sam muttered into her palm.

“Okay, I won’t. I’ll show you a good one instead.” He whipped out his wallet and pulled out photograph of Blossomforth with her mane tied into a rather fetching ponytail. “Get it? Because she’s a pony and…” He received a seat pillow to the face for his troubles.

“I swear, you’re trying too hard.” She huffed, “And if you make a pun with your nickname I will hurt you. Heck, make any pun and I will make sure there is nothing left of you.”

“All-right, All-right.” He said, before ducking for cover.

“God, relax. You always do this when you’re nervous. Overdo the damned puns, I mean.” She muttered, sitting back and crossing her arms. “It’s not easy for me either, alright? But I’m not here about us, I’m here about Blossomforth.”

Thankfully Sugar Belle sailed over to the rescue, levitated tea tray in tow. He took the opportunity to gather himself as he absentmindedly watched the unicorn lay out his tea for him. He gave her a nod and a quiet ‘thank you’ before finally steeling himself. “Alright, what about her?” He said, as evenly as he could manage.

“She’s amazing, you know. Back when we first began talking she was very keen on me being open to you about anything we talk about. No secrets and all that.” She took a long draught of her coffee. “Shit, Rocky, you lucky bastard.” She muttered.

“Too lucky sometimes.” He agreed wistfully as his thoughts wandered back to his little pegasus. Blossom had offered to share everything she discussed with Sam very early on, but he had patted her on the head and told her he didn’t mind in the slightest.

“Which is why I wanna tell you this. You know how she’s been meeting up with me and calling me a lot lately?” Sam began.

“Yeah, you two met up just last Monday, right?” Rocky nodded.

“Yeah. Thing is, she’s been asking a lot about how you used to be in bed.” She said with all the casualness of commenting on the weather or a war plaguing a third world country.

To say that hit him like a truck would be putting it mildly. “Uh, wha…?” He mumbled, intelligently.

“She wanted to know a lot of things. The sorts of things you liked and stuff.” She said, evenly. “But that’s not the weirdest part. She really wanted to know how many times you can go at it at a time.”

“What?” Panic struck him as his mind flew back to the night before. He couldn’t help but think of that smile of relief on her exhausted face. “Uh, what, uh, what did you tell her?” He asked, feeling about as collected as a fireworks factory on fire.

“Uh, I told her the truth.” She said, suddenly looking sheepish. His heart sank. “That you were good for three rounds at least. On average. What worried me the most was that she seemed really bummed out by that.”

‘Oh Celestia, fuck me with the sun’ He cursed inwardly.

“I’m really sorry, honest.” She said, shaking her head ruefully. “I should’ve been more thoughtful. I mean, I googled it right after. Banged my head on the monitor a dozen times for good measure.” She muttered. “I really didn’t realize mares have that problem.”

“There is no problem. She’s fine.” He suddenly growled, angrily. “In fact, she’s fucking amazing.”

It took him a while to notice her staring at him wide-eyed. He followed her gaze down to his right hand. There was a hint of red seeping out of his clenched fist. “S-sorry.” He said, quickly pulling out some bandaids out of his wallet.

“Those are cute.” She nodded at the flower-patterned bandaids, awkwardly shifting the topic. “Lemme guess, she puts them in there for you.”

“Yeah, she does.” He said, feeling a small smile come on. “You know she fought tooth and hoof to keep me alive in Equestria. Fought a manticore for me once.” He said, fondly. “Uh, that’s kinda like a winged scorpion lion on steroids.” He added, quickly. “But even here she’s still really protective of me. There was this one time a taxi almost ran me over. She bucked it in the grill and blew the radiator.”

“I read about that. The newspapers wouldn’t stop going on about the mare who stopped a taxi to save her human boyfriend.” Sam chuckled. “From what I’ve read about ponies, I thought that was more an earth pony thing.”

“Blossom’s scary when she’s angry.” Rocky said, sagely. “Anyway, I’m sorry for, uh, that.” He waved a hand vaguely. “Blossom is amazing, and I won’t get tired of saying that.”

“I’m sure she is.” Sam said, patiently. “But I wouldn’t be talking to you if I wasn’t worried about her. At least think about it some, alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, thanks.” He said, a little more gruffly than he intended. He couldn’t help but feel a touch of relief on noticing her gathering her scarf and bike keys, signalling an end to their meeting. “Oh, by the way, how’s, uh, John?” Rocky said, deciding he should at least do the polite thing and ask about her boyfriend.

“His name’s Jacob, and we broke it off last month.” Sam said, airily, though the bitter tone in her voice was unmistakeable. “I just finished moving out in fact. Had to change jobs too.”

‘And dyed your hair too.’ Rocky added, inwardly. “I’m sorry to hear that, Sam.” He said. He wasn’t, and he couldn’t help but feel a little guilty about that. “You okay?”

“I’ll live.” She chuckled, bitterly. “You should’ve heard what Blossom blurted out when I told her.” She gave a more earnest chuckle. “She asked me to join her herd. Then she rambled on about how she’d have to ask you first and stuff.”

He stiffened. “And...what did you say?” He asked, a little hoarsely.

“Duh, I said ‘no’.” She sighed. “No offense. What you guys have is real special. I have no idea how things work with herds but no way in hell I’m getting between you two.”

He released a breath he didn’t even realize he was holding. He was surprised to feel relief flooding him. He knew things were over between them since the day Equestria and Earth made first contact and he found out she had moved on to someone else. In fact it was probably half the reason it took him a while to finally decide to return home to Earth. But the relief he felt then sealed it; They were truly done.

“I should have waited for you, huh?” Sam sighed. “It was only four damned years. I could’ve waited four damned years. Hell, I should’ve come with you. I…”

“Hey, we promised; No regrets, remember?” He reminded her, quietly.

“It’s not fair. I made you wait all that time. And I made poor Blossom wait, what, two years?” She said, bitterly.

“Three.” He corrected tersely before he could stop himself. He sighed deeply. “Sorry, didn’t mean that. Not gonna lie, it was shit finding out when the portal opened. But hey, I went missing. There was even a funeral with some nice flowers and deep words and stuff. And you had to get on with your life and that’s fair enough. Shit happens.” He paused for a moment as he looked down at the photograph of Blossomforth on the table. “Now I’ve got three years to make up to her.” He said, mostly to himself.

“And you’re doing a damn good job.” She said in a voice barely above a whisper. “From the way Blossom goes on about it, she’s the happiest girl in the world, and you are her entire world.” She gave a little pause. “Hey, I know this is asking a lot. But I want to continue seeing Blossom. I want to help her. I moved back into our old place so I’ll be nearby. I…” She faltered, looking down. “I just…”

‘Generosity. Kindness. Laughter. Honesty. Loyalty. Oh, and Love.’ Rocky took a deep breath. “I’d like that. I’m sure Blossom would.” He said, giving her a little smile. “And I’m sure Jack would love it if you came here more often too. I certainly would. I’ll introduce you to the gang.”

“Yeah…” She murmured wistfully. “Yeah, I’d like that.” She gave him a genuine smile, one he hadn’t seen for years. “Thanks. Oh, by the way…” She dropped her voice to a whisper as she leaned in close, “Blossom loves it when you hold her really tight while you’re eating her out.” She smirked impishly as she stood up, leaving a frozen Rocky behind. “See you around, Rocky.”

“What the hell do girls talk about?” Rocky muttered, numbly watching her leave. He sighed, deciding to save Sugar Belle some trouble as he gathered the coffee mug and tea things. His trip over to the bartender gave him more time to mull over their awkward meeting. He couldn’t help but worry about Blossomforth. ‘Is she worried about satisfying me?’ He frowned. He felt a sudden surge of anger towards Sam. ‘Meepy was there for me when you weren’t. She waited for three years out of respect for you when you left me for dead! How dare you make her question her worth?! How dare you suggest to her that she is in any way less than you?!’ He took a deep breath, reigning in what he knew was an irrational outburst. ‘Sam doesn’t matter here.’ He told himself, as calmly as possible. ‘Meepy does.’ He gave a little sigh. He tried to take heart, hoping that their little success together the previous night might have given her a bit more confidence in herself. He reached into his jeans pocket and pulled out the folded list he had made the previous night. Somewhere on that list was the key to their success. And, if anything, his search for the answer had become more urgent than ever.

Author's Note

The pegasus birdbath was inspired by Pinkie Pie Fox's Equestria's Garden.

Pony Day Afternoon (Part 2)

“Rockster!” A mad-eyed man with a black goatee greeted him like a long lost brother, giving him a fistbump as he sat down at the bar. “You’re off early today. Or did you accidentally fall down here when you sat down on a cloud toilet at work?” He asked, pushing Rocky a cold hard Sweet Apple reserve. God knows he needed it after that talk with Sam. Crazy Jack definitely did.

“My ass isn’t insured to use one of those things.” Rocky chuckled, giving the tall bartender a nod of thanks for the cold pint. It was on the house, as were all his drinks at Cloud Nine. Crazy Jack always insisted that his and Blossom’s money was no good at his bar.

“Does that ever stop your ass?” Jack asked, pulling Rocky’s attention back from the distracting samurai top-knot Jack always wore. The surprisingly smart little bun of hair was tied with a large magenta ring bearing a blazing cyan starburst gem and adorned with a saffron-yellow Equestrian rose and a dark azure feather worn like hairpins.

“What do you think rainbows are made of?” Rocky said, taking a long drought as Jack gave a healthy guffaw. “Nah, I left early to meet up with Sammy.” He said, earning him an exaggerated but sympathetic wince from Jack.

“It’s like mid-air sex. It always hurts at first….come to think of it it just hurt.” Jack said, patting him on the back comfortingly. “So you’re gonna wait up for Blossom to finish work then?”

“Yeah.” Rocky nodded, looking longingly out at the noticeably Blossomless sky outside.

“What’s this? Rocky’s meeting someone other than Blossom?” A tall, blonde man in a Star Wars shirt, a sports jacket and a pair of black jeans settled into the seat next to his. He wore a single earing proudly bearing three primary feathers, one a light heliotrope, one pale lilac and one pistachio green. “Is he finally throwing in with the rest of us lowly commoners and starting a herd?”

“Oh, wow, there is something Google doesn’t know?” Rocky chuckled, giving the newcomer a smile. “Derek, what’s Clear, Spring and Lilac gonna think?”

“They still think Google is our world’s Discord.” Derek shrugged. “They get pretty jealous too. And there’s nothing hotter than a jealous herd, I tell you.”

“Can it, Derek. There’s no making lover-boy here jealous.” A woman wearing a long, traditional green and purple sari said as she took a place at the bar. She wore a pair of feathers in her long dark hair, one mint green, the other a creamy beige. “Just look. He not only avoids the topic but also beaches it and leaves it high and dry. I swear, the way he sees the world, there is only Blossomforth and chopped liver as far as the eye can see.”

“Please, doctor Padma.” Rocky gave the woman a little smile, “I was plenty jealous when you, Bon Voyage and Skyra Heartstrings got it on in the middle of happy hour that one time.”

“Before or after the two got so drunk they tried to make out with Paddy in midair?” Derek chuckled at Padma’s furious blush. “Gotta hand it to those two, the safety balloons tied around your waist was a good idea.”

“Reign it in, kids.” A well-built man in a casual jacket stepped up to join them. A pair of primary feathers were displayed proudly upon his jacket lapel, both a perfectly matching lilac. “There are children in the audience.” He nodded to indicate the two pegasus mares in weather team flight suits behind him. Rocky recognized the two as his best cloud-buckers, Flitter and Chaser. The pegasus twins gave the man a playful headbutt in the back before trotting off to a pile of pony pillows with their drinks.

“The cop’s here. Quick, hide the porn.” Derek made a show of ducking out of sight of the man.

“What? I pulled my pants up.” Rocky feigned innocence.

“I have nothing to do with these savages, officer.” Padma muttered into her drink.

“You look worse than Sugar Belle’s muffins, Jim. The hell?” Jack greeted him with a dry gin on the rocks.

“You’re all lucky I’m off the beat.” The officer grunted, taking the drink. “Hey, Rocky, you hirin’?”

“You fly?” Rocky cocked an eyebrow at the cop.

“My fucks do. Which is more than you seem to give.” Jim muttered. “I swear I get rained on wherever I go. What would I give to have a go at the trigger for once. Start a shark tornado in the commissioner's backyard or something.”

“You realize that’s just Flitter and Chaser following you around with rainclouds during their breaks? The rain thing, not the shark tornadoes. Though that’s probably just a matter of time.” A midnight blue pegasus chuckled as she gave them all a casual wave. Her weather team flightsuit identified her as one of Rocky’s wind-shepherds, Night Glider.

“Flitter! Chaser!” Jim bellowed at the twins who had become the centre of a small gathering of weather ponies on the other side of the room. “I love you too!” The two erupted into furious blushes, sparking a storm of affectionate d’awwws and giggly teasing from their co-workers. There would be no hope for the poor twins.

“You cruel bastard.” Padma shook her head in mock disgust.

“All’s fair in love and war.” Jim shrugged. “Speaking of love, anyone seen loverboy yet?” He asked, glancing around the increasingly busy cafe.

“You mean Matt?” Derek said. Everyone winced at the mention of the fresh-faced handler for their new arrival, a difficult pegasus named Lightning Dust.

Despite it having been four years since first contact, all ponies visiting or settling on Earth were legally required to have a human handler, a named person responsible for everything from their day to day wellbeing to being their legally appointed ‘friend’. It was one of the ironclad tenets set by the Equestrian department created by Twilight Sparkle to manage all pony migrants to earth (Interestingly named the Royal Equestrian Association for Learning in Friendship, Understanding and Cultural Kinship. Nobody dares use the acronym)

The relationship between pony and handler varies greatly between pairs, ranging from being penpals with regular reports to being, well, soulmates. The latter was surprisingly common. It had long since become widespread street knowledge that ponies had a very skewed gender ratio of about nine to one favouring mares. Even with herding being common practice for Equestrians, the gender imbalance still made for a lot of lonely mares. That combined with one rather raunchy account from a mare exalting humans as sex gods had long since triggered a mass exodus of lonely (as well as adventurous and fun-seeking) mares to earth.

Needless to say, Blossom and Rocky were an item long before it was cool.

The Cloud Nine handlers club originally began with the five of them meeting up at the bar every evening to pick up their ponies after work. They started by comparing notes and sharing tips on helping their pony companions adjust to life on earth. Rocky, being the group’s resident Equestria survivor, quickly became the defacto expert on pony quirks, fielding all sorts of questions ranging from what ponies eat to ‘Why is she poking my nose with her hoof?’. Over time their numbers swelled and they quickly became the unofficial point of contact for all new handlers in the neighbourhood. The new kid, Matt, was one such new handler.

“He knows to pick up Lightning Dust here, right?” Padma said.

“I hope so. He hired a hot air balloon to fly up to the weather station the other day.” Rocky said. “The pegasi thought it was cute. Lightning didn’t survive all the teasing though.”

“He didn’t try to walk into the station, did he?” Jim asked, curiously.

“He did.” Rocky nodded with a grin. “Lucky for him Lightning’s as fast as her name suggests. She was down there like a rocket before the other pegasi even took off. It was pretty romantic. You could say they fell in love at first flight.”

“Young love.” Padma muttered, sarcastically.

“Says the girl who jumped after Bonny out of a moving ferris wheel six floors above ground thinking she’d get blown away by a squall.” Derek teased.

“It was a very strong squall, thank you very much.” Padma muttered into her drink. “Speak of the devil...Bonny! Skyra! What the hell?!” She stood up and began marching out to the terrace garden where two pegasi, one mint-green and the other cream-coated, had landed in the pegasus bath. “Jack, just how the fuck was a giant bird bath a good idea?!” She demanded as she snapped up a guest towel from the complimentary towel rack by the terrace entrance.

“Because it’s cute. Duh.” Jack shrugged.

“Watertight argument.” Rocky agreed. The others nodded in unanimous agreement.

“She does realize Bons and Sky only do that to rile her up, right?” Derek said, looking around at the others. “Right?”

“Don’t tell her that.” Rocky said, stealing some of Jack’s popcorn. Together they watched as Padma wrestled with the two giggling pegasi, only to get tugged into the bath after them.

“Hey, you know, Teddie took us all to her hometown for a visit once.” Jack said through a mouthful of popcorn, watching as a steaming Padma waded after the two laughing pegasi duck-paddling their way around the bird bath. “There was this guy running a bar, the legal kind. He lived with a unicorn and an earth pony who I could’ve sworn were Sky’s and Bon’s twin sisters.”

“Jack, you told us that last time you visited Equestria you learned the meaning of life from an alligator.” Jim pointed out. “If your bullshit could fly, this place would be an airport.”

“How’s the water, Paddy?” Derek asked as a sodden Padma stormed past with a pair of soaked and sheepish pegasi wrapped in towels, one held under each arm.

“Wet.” Padma snapped, stomping off into the bathrooms.

Derek was busy chuckling at Padma’s expense when Rocky patted him on the shoulder and pointed outside at three familiar pegasi slowing into a hover over the bird bath, all three eyeing Derek with a shared smirk of mischief.

“Heeeell naw!” Derek was up like a shot, running out into the terrace garden, waving his arms like a flight deck crewman with a bad cramp. The three pegasi broke ranks in a storm of giggles, orbiting his frantic dance like a pack of playful butterflies. They played a mischievous little game, making Derek jump and jig by making the occasional feinting dive towards the bird bath.

“Good thing Blossom, Chaser and Flitter are bath-trained, huh?” Jack said, idly. "I guess not being as horny helps too."

“Yep.” Jim agreed, before shooting a pair of pegasi sneaking out the door towards the pegasus bath a meaningful look. “No.” He intoned, freezing the twins in their tracks. Chaser and Flitter slowly looked around at him with sheepish little smiles on their guilty faces.

“Blossom needs to do two or three mares’ worth of mischief to keep up with all this.” Jack said, waving a hand at the scene. “It’s only fair on the rest of us.”

“She’s probably already chugging out three mares’ worth of sex. At this rate she’ll ascend and become the alicorn princess of sex.” Night Glider suddenly dropped her voice to a sultry whisper. “Hey, maybe I could earn my place in her Council of Sexship by lending her a helping hoof, maybe tend to our commander and warm up his lap for her.” She suddenly hopped into his lap, wrapping her long luscious white tail around his waist as she gazed up at him with her patented bedroom eyes. “Looking at all this, I think our poor captain Blossom is desperately overdue some reinforcements.” She whispered, running a hoof along his chest. It was an old tradition for weather teams to call their leader ‘Commander’, one that dated back to the days of ancient Pegasopolis when pegasi society was more militaristically organized. However Pony historians still disagree on whether or not it was tradition for ancient Pegasopolan soldiers to tend to their commanders in their bedchambers as part of their duties. The history fanatics, however, would insist on it in any historical reenactment as a matter of accuracy.

Night Glider is a history fanatic.

“Hey, Jack, I’d appreciate some A-grade jealousy right about now.” Rocky said, urgency rising.

“He can watch.” Night Glider whispered, huskily.

“I can watch.” Crazy Jack agreed as Sugar Belle levitated a cup of popcorn over to him.

“The whole cafe can watch.” Rocky hissed, waving at one sunrise-gold mare sitting on a chaise in a corner. The mare was glaring at them, her intense russet eyes framed between her flaming orange and flaxen mane and the book she had been reading.

“She can get in line.” Night followed Rocky’s gaze before giving the mare a dismissive wave of a forehoof. “I am Blossom’s lieutenant, after all. My rights are only second to hers~”

“Give it up, Night.” Jim said, gruffly. “Rocky is a one horse town.”

“Boo, you’re no fun.” Night Glider gave a disappointed huff, fluttering over to Jack. Rocky made a comedic show of fanning himself and loosening his shirt collar, much to everyone’s laughter. “Jaaaack, you’re not gonna ignore me tonight, right?” Night Glider moaned, flutter-glomping her herd-stallion.

“Can’t if I tried. You know how much Rocky’s traumatized face turns me on.” Jack shrugged.

“You’re the best~” Night Glider gave both her herd-stallion a loving peck before dragging Sugar Belle off to mingle with the other ponies.

“Y’know they can’t help but flirt.” Jack said, turning back to Rocky. “Your whole ‘Blossom-and-only-Blossom’ schtick gives’em all epic wingboners. The only cure is...hey, Rocky? Earth to Planet Blossom?”

But Rocky wasn’t listening. He was too busy eyeing the golden yellow pegasus mare who had caught his eye earlier. She had returned to reading her book, seemingly content to not join in the pony circles forming all around her. He wasn’t sure what it was but there was something familiar about her. It took him a little while for the connection to dawn; She reminded him of an old, dear friend; The Wonderbolt Captain Spitfire, one of his first friends in Equestria alongside Blossomforth.

“Wow, you really pick your pegasi.” Jack said, following his gaze. “That’s Ember Charm, one of our regulars.”

“It’s not usual for ponies to sit all by themselves, not when they’ve got this many ponies mingling all around them.” Jim observed over the top of his gin. Years serving as the head detective for the NYPD’s Equestrian Affairs Office as well as dodging the twins’ mischief had allowed Jim to cultivate a keen eye (and paranoia) for pony quirks.

“You mean the Ember Charm?” Derek said, returning to the group after depositing his three troublemaking pegasi in the relatively safe hooves of their fellow weather workers.

“Oh, right, Google would know.” Rocky rolled his eyes.

“Trust the feather fetishist to know all the pegasi in town.” Jim nodded.

“Seriously, you guys don’t know Ember Charm?” Derek said, impatiently. “She’s only the talk of the town, the pony everypony should know.”

“I swear I get better ads on google.” Jim muttered.

“Everyone’s talking about Gentlemares’ best escort mare. She even made Playcolt Mare of the Year.” Derek went on. “I, uh, read that for research purposes.” He added, awkwardly.

“Escort?” Rocky raised an eyebrow.

“Call mares.” Jim said, evenly. “Don’t make the pun.” He pointed a finger warningly at Rocky.

“I wouldn’t put it so crudely.” Derek said. “Gentlemares is a very respectable company. They do really thorough background checks on all their clients and do this thing where they escort all their employees to and from jobs.” He gave a brief pause. “Uh, I heard that from a friend of a friend.”

“They do a lot of their shopping at Teddie’s.” Jack added. “Judging by all the fancy goodies they buy, they treat their mares really well. Better than a certain weather company.” He gave Rocky a meaningful grin.

“Playcolt magazine and Cherry Jubilee’s Cherry-Scented Mare-Lube aren’t standard office stationery, Jack.” Rocky pointed out. “No matter how much Night Glider or the other mares insist.”

“I hear a lot about their training center, that place they call the ‘Ranch’ outside town.” Jim said with a frown.

“What, you read ‘Fifty Shades of Rainbows’ too?” Derek chuckled, watching as Jim’s ears turned a light shade of pink. “Pretty sure that entire book was cooked up by some colt’s wet dream. Though the girls do find the whole cowboy-fetish thing pretty hot."

“The Ranch is actually a pretty chillaxed place. They spend more time teaching human culture, manners, tax evasion and all other fancy schmancy stuff. They also got this amazingly good cocktail bar.” Jack said. “What?” He looked around at the sea of pointed looks. “I go up there with the girls and help teach every now and then. The girls love it.”

“Not. Gonna. Ask.” Jim muttered, shaking his head.

“What? About Derek’s fake alicorn horn collection?” Padma asked as she returned, dressed in dry clinical scrubs she had likely brought home from work.

“Shush. We all know the Sky sisters are all alicorns with detachable horns.” Jack said, warningly. “You’re a doctor. You should know this.”

“Hey!” Derek blushed furiously. “We’re not talking about the princ-...that. We’re talking about Gentlemares and the Ranch.”

“I was wondering what could be more interesting than Derek’s princess fetish.” Padma said, causing Derek to throw his arms up in the air in absolute defeat. “The Ranch is an interesting place. I go there every now and then to teach about human health and anatomy.”

“Not you too!” Jim gave an exasperated sigh.

“What? And leave it to anyone else to teach such a critical topic?” Padma raised an eyebrow. “It’s a very legitimate business. Princess Twilight even has a permanent government observer working to keep an eye on things there.”

“It’s just, you know how mares are with sex, right? They can’t keep up.” Jim said with his usual direct bluntness. “And this company’s got them working as escorts? Something doesn’t add up. Or do they just go around offering three for one deals?”

“Surprisingly, they do. Keep up, I mean. Though there is a pretty good deal for three if you pay cash.” Derek said. Nobody even bothered with pointed looks anymore. “There’s something about the training they do up at the Ranch, some kind of trade secret. Their escorts can not only keep up with any human, they can outrun them.”

“Really?” Rocky suddenly blurted out. “I mean, uh, anypony can achieve that with enough rodeoing right?” He quickly added, referring to the increasingly common practice where human and pony couples would work on improving the pony's sexual stamina together. Interestingly, not much imagination went into the naming. It was often almost literally an exercise in holding on for as long as possible.

“Nah, what Gentlemares can do is beyond anything we lowly commoners can achieve through daily rodeoing.” Derek shook his head. “So, you interested in her then, Rockman?” He asked, nodding at the golden yellow mare in the corner while nudging Rocky in the shoulder.

Rocky was saved from answering by a loud splash outside and a wave of cheers from the weather mares gathered in the cafe. He gave a little sigh, a small smile spreading across his lips as he looked out the window. Bright sapphire eyes peered up sheepishly at him from the pegasus bath.

“I think somepony wants some attention.” Derek chuckled, patting Rocky encouragingly on the back.

“I have no idea where she got that idea from.” Padma muttered, shooting Bon Voyage, Skyra and the Sky sisters on the other side of the room a dark look. The mares had the decency to at least appear meekly apologetic. “I have a spare set of scrubs.” She offered Rocky.

“Thanks.” He grinned as he picked up a towel and stepped outside. He sauntered up to the pegasus bath to find a little snow-white pegasus doing a water-lily impression with her cherry-and-emerald mane poking out of the water, her little hooves paddling idly. She blew bubbles at him in greeting. “So, how’s the water?” He asked her.

“*Meep*.” She replied with a sheepish little pony-squee. She looked almost apologetic for what she had done.

“Meep, huh?” He gave her a quick peck on her nose. “Hmm.” He licked his lips thoughtfully, “Yep, feels pretty Meepy to me.”

She blushed and nose-scrunched in reply. Then a frown overtook her face as she sniffed. And sniffed again. She hooked her forehooves over the bath’s edge and leaned towards him, sniffing all the while. Her blush grew two shades darker against her snow-white fur as she sniffed his chest. “U-um, y-you’re...you’re interested in another mare?” She asked, her ears perking eagerly, her tail swishing across the water with excitement. She looked strangely eager at the prospect of him being around a mare other than herself.

“Oh, uh, that must be Night’s scent. She was just fooling around.” He blurted out quickly, looking all flavours of sheepish.

“Oh.” Her eager smile turned into an irritable pout. “I don’t like the scent of other herds on you.” She huffed, even as her wings slowly stiffened, her tail coiling and uncoiling like a snake preparing to strike.

Rocky couldn’t help but gulp nervously. He recalled Padma telling him that smelling the scent of other mares mixed with a stallion’s can get a mare very aroused, a natural instinct to ensure an urge to compete. The greater the variety of mare-scents on a stallion, the more potent the effects on the mare, as apparently the variety suggests a successful stallion with a thriving herd. In fact it had become the basis for very powerful aphrodisiac colognes. Cloud Nine even bottled and sold their own super-effective version in their infamous backroom, available for cheaper than the other illegal imports from Equestria. Rocky had, out of academic curiosity, asked Jack what it was made of. “Trade secret.” Jack had said with a smug smile to a chorus of giggles from Night Glider and Sugar Belle and a smiling eye-roll from Teddie.

Before he knew it a sodden Blossom had leapt out of the bath and onto the ground next to him. “Oh, what happened to the bath?” Rocky asked, kneeling down to dry her off with the towel.

“Change of plans.” Blossom growled as she impatiently allowed herself to be dried with the fluffy towel. “Th-that scent. It won’t wash off with a simple bath.”

‘Phew’ Rocky breathed a sigh of relief inwardly, realizing that he wouldn’t be taking a swim in the pegasus bath as he had expected. As he suspected, his little pegasus must have been secretly watching Skyra and Bon’s antics with Padma. In fact, the mischievous two probably put Blossom up to it, urging her to make him take a swim with her. Then a new dread slowly rose with the question, “Wait, what are we doing?” He felt her gently bite down on his hand before tugging him after her, a common pegasus show of affection called the ‘Wing-nibble’, normally involving one pegasus gently biting the wingtip of another. It is very much like holding hands between humans, although with a much closer and more intimate connotation.

“A-ay m-meed to mawk hoo.” She mumbled through his hand, looking down at her forehooves as what looked like her entire blood supply rushed to her face. ‘I need to mark you’, he understood. He could feel her excitement double with her panting against the hand in her mouth at the mere mention of the act. “A-ay ham hoing to mawk hou! W-wif mai shent!” She said, in her assertive-Blossom voice. ‘I am going to mark you! With my scent!’ He deciphered her attempt at dirty-mumbles.

He had only ever heard of it from passing remarks from his fellow human handlers; ‘Marking’, a routine but loving and intimate act where all the mares in a stallion’s herd would apply their scent to their stallion (and, with some work, vice versa). Blossom had never done it in all their years together so her sudden eagerness came as a surprise….maybe even frightful, though in a fascinatingly exciting way. He couldn’t help but look forwards to it.

He also looked forwards to getting his 10% finders fee on all the bet money he spied being passed around the bar, mostly in Night Glider's direction.

Author's Note

In case it's not obvious, CLOP INCOOOOOOOMING! :rainbowdetermined2:

By the way, a minor aside. I realize this is a pretty shameless plea, but I'll be frank, while writing a clopfic is a pretty novel experience for me and has so far proven great fun, most of the enjoyment in writing is having an audience enjoying your writing, y'know. So if you enjoyed my work and would like to help motivate me, I'd greatly appreciate it If you could give the story a thumbs-up. I'm honestly not trying to hold the story ransom, I'm not, honest. But I know myself, I know how I would jump into something on a whim and ride it out while it's fun then abandon it once I've had my fill. I live a very busy and stressful life so I feel the need to maximize what I get out of my free time. So I am worried I might end up tiring of writing this story, especially if it doesn't achieve much in the way of readership. That's just me and this bad habit of mine and I know it. So if you enjoy the story, please, a single 'click' will go a long way in helping keeping it going. Thank you ever so much!

As mentioned, the pegasus birdbath was inspired by Pinkie Pie Fox's Equestria's Garden.