Shopping

by MajesticPoniesEverywhere

Rating: everyone
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Derpy Hooves, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Human, Changelings, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1800

Twilight goes shopping in the human world. (Placed after Equestria Girls and before Rainbow Rocks.)

(Placed after Equestria Girls and before Rainbow Rocks.) Twilight goes shopping in the human world...

And runs into the meat section.

ft. Pat the Changeling

Published 2015-10-30 05:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-10-30 05:00:02 UTC

Oh, the Shenanigans.

"Okay, Spike. All we need is a little stuff to fill our stomachs and keep us occupied."

"You got it." Twilight's dragon-turned-dog said.

"Mommy look!" a little boy said, tugging on his mother's shirt and pointing at him. "Mommy look the doggie just talked!"

Spike and Twilight turned to see a look of petrifying shock on the woman.

"I know sweetie." she said as grabbed the boy's arm and dragged him away, not taking her eyes off of Spike. There was a moment of silence.

"Eh, it's not like I haven't experienced that before." he concluded.

Twilight looked around the grocery store. First on her list was some chow, and what better place to go to than a store full of just what she might need?

Hay... maybe some stuff to make a daisy sandwich with... the Princess of Friendship thought.

"May I help you?" an employee asked, yanking Twilight out of her thoughts.

"Oh! Yes please. Do you by any chance sell hay?" she answered.

"Haha, funny! No, we don't!" the employee said with a smile.

"Um... well do you sell bread?"

"Of course we do! It'll be right down aisle five." the employee said, pointing in the location's direction.

"Okay... and where is aisle five?" Twilight asked looking in the employee's finger's direction and not getting it.

"Riiiiight there." she told the pony princess, trying to make her point as accurate as possible.

"Um... Oh! There it is!" she lied, trying not to make a fool of herself.

"Okay then. Have a nice day!" the employee said, and walked off.

"Really?" Spike said.

"What?" Twilight said defensively.

"You know not everything's completely different in this world, right?"

"What are you talking about? Jesus Celestia, they don't even sell hay in this dang place! And this is a grocery store!"

Everyone around her got silent. She looked around, embarrassed.

"Let's go get that bread." she said, blushing.

"You don't have to say that again." Spike muttered under his breath.

* * * *

It took a whole 20 minutes for Twilight Sparkle to figure out that there were signs that hung from the ceiling.

"Ugh! I'm a fool." Twilight said. Spike snickered.

"Oh you knew about this didn't you?" she said as she noticed his snickering.

"Well, I was about to tell you, but then you started ranting about how this place doesn't sell hay."

"I WAS NOT RANTING! I was boldly stating a point! And why didn't you tell me afterwards?!"

Spike struggled to whole in a laugh. "What?" he said. "It was just... so funny... to see you walking around... when it was right above your head!" Spike couldn't hold in his laughter anymore, for he was now on the floor laughing.

"Oh you are in so much trouble when we get back home! Now quite down; people are starting to take notice!" Twilight grabbed two loaves of bread off of the self next to her and Spike. She dragged him away before people could gather.

Once she got out of the aisle, she pulled out her grocery list.

"Okay, bread: check. Now all we need is some-"

"Hey Twilight!" a voiced called. Twilight turned to see Derpy who was waving as she came over to where she was standing (knocking over some merchandise in the process).

"Oh, hey Derpy." Twilight said looking around.

"Watch'a looking for?" Derpy asked, noticing Twilight's eye movements and the list in her hand.

"Diasies." Twilight answered.

"Oh! There right over there." Derpy said, pointing over her shoulder.

"Oh, thank you Derpy!" Twilight sounded over her shoulder as she ran, Spike in tow. As Derpy turned to go to the cash register, a ham fell out of her bag.

Wait a second... she thought blank faced. She turned around.

"Twilight wait!" Derpy called, but it was already too late.

* * * *

Twilight ran, no daises in sight. She turned the corner.

Big mistake.

Spike caught up to her, panting. "You know... you should really... slow down... next time."

Twilight stared down the aisle, ignoring Spike.

"Um, Twi?" he asked. It was then that he noticed it.

"Whoa." Twilight and Spike said simultaneously.

"What is all of this?" Twilight asked herself, baffled.

"Oh, like it? It's the new shipping of meat that we got just yesterday. Straight from the stocks!" a male employee of the store said as he stocked the refrigerated shelves with the stuff.

"Wait, what?" Twilight asked, her eyes widening. "Like, flesh?"

"Yup! Only from the animals. Down at the local meat farm. Down there they got the buffest cows, fattest pigs, and healthiest chickens! Only the best, and more!"

"But... But..." Twilight's panic level was rising. Spike barked, trying to figure out if what exactly the employee had said happened to this world's ponies and horses without talking.

It was then, in that moment, on that day, that the employee said something that made Twilight got berserk.

"Ah I know the feeling. Don't worry though, about 56% of all of this stuff is on sale, and about 39% of it is buy one get one free!"

Twilight dropped to her knees and screamed.

Spike covered his ears, and rightfully so given that a screaming pony princess almost blew his eardrums out, including the cashier.

"PLEASE DON'T TELL ME YOU DO THAT TO PONIES! BETTER YET, PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS SOME SICK JOKE!!!" Twilight yelled as she grabbed the employee's shirt by the collar, almost lifting him off of the ground.

"Whoa!" he said in a surprised voice. "I-I didn't mean to strike a nerve! Usually vegetarians don't get so angry, or walk into this aisle for that matter!" he was trembling, holding onto Twilight's wrists. "P-Please just let me go!"

"NOT UNTIL I GET AN ANSWER... ah, what's your name?"

"Pat. Most of us don't eat horses and ponies. It's against the law to slaughter them for their meat or any other reason!"

"What do you mean MOST of us?" she asked, leaning in closer.

"Not everyone listens to the law, but if they get caught, they're sure to get punished real good! There, okay? Please let me go!"

The look on his face made Twilight snap out of it, letting him go. Before she could say a word, he was already scrambling out of the aisle, leaving her in the dust.

Twilight facehoofed- ah, handed. "Oh Spike what have I done?! Still though, it's not right! And just to think that my FRIENDS in this world could be eating this stuff on a daily!"

"Ah I don't know, but I think we should try to get our stuff before we get kicked out because a crazed pony princess from another dimension attacked a store employee and then consulted her talking dog afterwards." Spike stated.

"Yeah, good point." Twilight laughed as she walked down the aisle, passing to dumbfounded old ladies, who dropped their tri-tip stakes out of astonishment.

Twilight eventually found her daisies, and even picked up a jumbo cheddar cheese Dorito bag and a large jar of mayonnaise, but soon after was feeling that something was missing...

"Aha! I know what I'm still missing!" Twilight proclaimed.

"What?" Spike asked, no longer caring if someone heard or saw.

"Hay!" she said. Spike groaned.

"They already said they don't sell hay!" Spike said. Just then, a certain male employee was passing through.

"Oh hey, maybe he can help us." Spike said, pointing his paw at Pat.

"Spike, you're a genius! Pat! Pat!" Twilight said. Pat took notice and, upon seeing her, almost tried to bolt, if it wasn't for his manager not to far away, helping another costumer.

"Pat." Twilight said, reaching him. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for going all berserk on you like that, because frankly I'm not from around here, and I haven't been here too long. Can you help me with something please?"

Pat looked at her, then at Spike, then at her again. "Okay... What do need help with?"

"Do you know anywhere that sells hay?"

"Um, for what exactly?"

"To eat of course!"

"Um... Well then. I can see why you are such a vegetarian horse enthusiast." Pat replied.

"What's a 'vegetarian'?" Twilight asked. Pat just stared at her.

"Nevermind. Just go to the local- I mean, um... I don't know, maybe the Evil Enchantress shop? It's on Hayward and Rocketfly Street, and I heard that if you ask nicely they'll give you extra props and decorations from the storage."

Twilight sighed with relief. "Thank you!"

"No worries. Oh, and just to let you know, they don't have any meat there... from what I know." Pat said. Twilight just smiled.

She ran to the cash register.

"Come again!" he said.

* * * *

When Twilight and Spike got the the cash register, she put their items on the conveyer belt. When it was her turn to pay, the cashier rang it up and told Twilight her total.

"That'll be 23 dollars and 25 cents cash credit or debit?" she said in a flash.

"Bits!" Twilight said.

"Um... excuse me ma'am?" the cashier asked.

"Bits!" Twilight said.

"Okay...?"

"Here." Twilight took out 4 gold bits from Equestria.

"UH... UM..." the cashier said upon laying her eyes on them.

"What?" Twilight asked.

"I don't think we have enough change in all of our registers."

"What?! What do you mean?"

"What do you mean 'what do I mean'?!"

"I mean 'what do you mean?'." Twilight said.

"But that's gold."

"Yes, I know. What, is your currency different from Equestria's?"

"Wait, what? What country do you live in?!" The cashier was taken aback by this rich girl's statement.

"Equestria, where else? Gryffinstone?!!"

"Twilight you do realize we're still in the human world right?" Spike asked.

"AH! WHAT THE HELL? DID THAT DOG JUST TALK?!!!" the cashier yelled.

"Yes! Ugh, you know what, here. Just keep the dang change!" Twilight picked Spike up, put him in her backpack (along with the bread, daisies, Doritos, and mayonnaise), and flipped the cashier two bits. She ran out the door.

Once out, Twilight took a huge breath, and sighed.

"Yelp Spike, that sure was an adventure!" Twilight Sparkle stated.

"Yup! And I'm lovin' these Doritos!" Spike said with his mouth full of cheddar flavored crunchy goodness. Twilight looked at him and smiled. She turned and looked ahead of her, feeling like she'd accomplished something.

"And now, off to get that hay!"

Author's Note

Just a little one shot I thought of. Hope you liked it! Sorry if it seems a little weird; I haven't written a story in a long time and throughout the story I ate a chocolate Poptart and had a hunkerin' for cheddar cheese Doritos by the end. (Munchies can really make you wig out.)