Say It Ain't So

Say It Ain’t So

Chapter One: My Name Is Jonas

The workers are going home…

The workers are going home…

My name is Caramel.

Most of my friends call me Mel. Well, some of them do. Not all of them. Like, one or two do.

Anyways.

I guess I should talk about myself for a bit. I’m a tan and brown earth stallion, living in the small but quirky town of Ponyville, and I’m just clocking out at my job here at Clydesdale’s Tack & Shoe. We sell horseshoes and other such equipment for hard labour ponies. Well I mean, I don’t sell the shoes, I just make them. I’m pretty good at it, I guess. I’ve always had knack for metalworking. That’s how I got my cutie mark. I fixed my own pair of horseshoes when I was just foal, and then BAM, there was my cutie mark! When people first meet me, for some reason they assume my cutie mark means I’m really lucky. Old superstitions, I guess. I’d hardly say I’m lucky…

B-But enough about that! What else is there about me? Well, I’m really into horror movies, especially the really scary ones. Most nights I like to get all curled up on the couch and get spooked watching a film about some outrageous beast terrorizing a small town. Not that that doesn’t happen ALREADY here in Ponyville, but whatever. I’m also pretty into indie rock. I like to go to the venues here in town and check out some of the local bands. They’re not always that good, but I don’t mind too much.

Um, what else? Oh! I’m a pretty big fan of the outdoors. Even though I tend to stay inside more often than not, I do still enjoy going out to the parks and the lake on the weekend. There’s lots of nice atmosphere there. I also like to participate in the Running of the Leaves every year, which, judging by all the colored leaves I’m noticing on the trees as I walk home, should be soon. I mean, I’m not really athletic or anything, but it’s fun to do, and you get a great sense of community. Plus, the Running of the Leaves usually coincides with Cider Season, which leads me to my other favourite activity, getting drunk with my friends. I’m not a huge drinker, but nothing sets a friendly atmosphere like a couple of drinks. The bars in town are pretty okay (except for the one owned by Vinyl Scratch, but even that one would be alright if she’d at least play something other than dubstep every once in awhile), but honestly it’s more fun to drink with my buddies at one of our houses. Especially at Sweet Apple Acres! Not only do they have some of the best stock (brewed in-house, of course), but drinking with my best bud Big Mac is one of my favourite activities. He’s an awesome guy and great to talk to any time, but boy, when he starts drinking, you can’t get him to shut up! Not that you’d want him to, because he tells some of the funniest stories when he’s hammered. Honestly, for such a quiet pony, he sure has a lot to say when he’s had some cider! Oh man, he’s a riot, that Big Mac.

Oh. Yeah.

Big Mac.

I guess we should talk about him, shouldn’t we?

W-Well, if I’m going to talk about Big Mac, I might as well get it out of the way to start things off. I’m gay. Not like I’ve ever been ashamed of it or anything. I was never one of those self-loathing, angsty gay teenagers that had a big, overdramatic coming out where my family disowned me and my mother blamed herself and my father hated the thought of having a gay son and I had to go live on the streets, sobbing in some dark alleyway before some big muscular beefcake stud came and saved me from the cruel, evil world and I was instantly better and then we made out or something.

…I may have read a few stories like that in high school. What? Just because I’m not filled with self-loathing doesn’t mean I’m not allowed to read about unrealistic and outlandishly big-muscled stallions saving the helpless angsty reject and making everything better and then mounting them with their huge…

Ahem. I’m getting off track.

Anyways, yeah. I’ve never really had an issue with my sexuality. I came to terms with it pretty early on, and I told my parents once I was comfortable, and they were totally cool and accepting of it, and life just sort of went on as normal. But, ah, it’s just hard sometimes, being gay in this town, you know?

N-Not because any of the ponies here are unaccepting of it or anything! Everypony in town is completely cool about it! In fact, most ponies I’ve met are fine with it. I’ve only ever met one or two ponies that seemed to turn their nose up about it, and honestly, who cares what they think?

But it’s just hard sometimes because, well, statistically speaking, Ponyville has a real gender imbalance when it comes to stallions. I mean, overall in Equestria there’s more mares than stallions, yes, but it’s really noticeable in Ponyville. There’s about five mares for every one stallion, so there’s not a whole lot of the proverbial fish in the ocean here. And really, only a part of the romantically-single stallions are likely to be gay or bisexual. And it’s not that easy to tell. Even though everyone is town is cool with each other’s sexualities, it’s not really talked about. It’s one of those “elephant in the room, don’t ask don’t tell” kinds of situations, you know? Like, everyone knows that Bon-Bon and Lyra are more than just “best friends”, but no one in town talks about it, and neither do they, it’s just one of those things that everybody just sort of accepts. I’m sure if I just asked a stallion I was interested in if they were gay or not, they’d tell me, but really, I’m not exactly keen on just asking somepony like that. Besides, there’s no one in town that I’m really attracted to, anyways.

Well, almost no one.

I guess I can’t put it off anymore, can I?

Okay, so I may have the teensiest, tinniest, itty-bitty crush on Big Mac. B-But that’s all it is, just a crush! Honestly! I mean, he’s been my best friend since we were colts, so I’ve known him practically my whole life, so it’s just natural that I might start developing feelings for him. And I mean, who wouldn’t? He may seem like just a quiet loner when you first meet him, but once you get to know him he’s so much more than that. He’s one of the kindest, gentlest souls I’ve ever known. He’s charming and sweet, he holds almost no ill-will towards anyone, and he’s smart. You wouldn’t know it just by looking at him, but he’s probably one of the smartest ponies I know. He doesn’t say much in day-to-day conversations (again, unless he’s been drinking), but when you sit down and have an honest conversation with him, it’s easy to see that he’s way more than the “simple farmpony” most outsiders see him as. He knows how to carry some of the most intelligent conversations I’ve ever had, and you take everything he says to heart. He’s also one of the most loyal and caring stallions you could ask for. He’d never hurt a fly, but if you mess with or disrespect his family or his friends, you’d better watch out.

Also, he’s hot. Dear Celestia, is he ever hot. The farm life has definitely suited him. He’s got one of the most toned, rocking bodies I’ve ever seen. His muscles are nice and firm, very noticeable, but not overly so like Bulk Biceps (seriously, I don’t know how that pony was allowed to compete in the Equestria Games, because I’m pretty sure he’s on some performance-enhancing drugs). His orange mane is long and shaggy, but in a cute way. His eyes are the most piercing shade of green, you really feel them when he looks at you, and between him and Applejack, I’m pretty sure the Apple family shares the Element of Adorable Freckles. And that red coat really shows off those muscular legs and flank. That’s years of apple-bucking for you. There’s a reason I always chose to plant the grass seeds every Winter Wrap Up, even though I somehow always manage to lose them (those things are slippery bastards), and that’s because Mac is the one who plows the fields, which mean that the seed planter has to walk behind him, which means I get to look at that delicious flank all day. Eye candy doesn’t even begin to describe it.

...S-So as you can see, there’s lots of reason to be attracted to Big Mac, so can you really blame me for finding him attractive? B-But that’s all it is! Just a little crush, and nothing else. Honest.

…

A-And even if I was in love with him, w-which I’m not, it doesn’t matter anyways, because Mac is 100% straight.

…Well, there was that time he walked through town wearing his grandmother’s girdle...

...And the time he dressed in drag and entered the Sisterhooves Social with Applebloom…

…

Okay, so he’s like 80% straight. But that’s still a high percentage of straightness! And besides, he has a marefriend, so it’s not like it matters anyways.

N-Not that I’m saying there’s anything wrong with that! There isn’t! Miss Cheerilee is a nice enough pony. I mean, I’ve only talked to her a couple times, but she seems pretty cool. She’s the local school teacher, so she’s really nice and friendly. She’s fairly pretty for a mare, I guess. I’m not really an expert or anything, but she seems just as attractive as the other mares in town. When she comes into the shop get shoes and tack made for the school sports teams, she’s always been outgoing and nice to me, so there’s that. And, well, Mac really seems to like her. I know a couple of ponies were worried that they were still under some effects from the love poison Applebloom and her friends gave them (I’m so glad they finally got their cutie marks, because those children were honestly starting to scare me with their “crusading”), but Mac seems to genuinely like her. He’s always talking about how great she is when we hang out, how they always make each other laugh and smile. When I see them walking around town, they always look really happy, especially Mac. And, well, the few times I’ve seen them kiss each other seems to say that they’re really honest and truly happy with each other.

…

So there it is. I’ve got a crush on Mac and nothing else, and Mac and Cheerilee are happy together. And I am completely and totally okay with this.

Honest.

…

…

This sounded more convincing in my head...