Deadpool's Equestria Girls Adventures!

Chapters

Impressing the Girls part 1
Impressing the Girls part 2
Impressing the Girls part 3
The 2nd First Date
Gamer Swag
Ain't all that Shimmers
DeadpoolMania
I Ain't No Superman
WHY ARE THEY HUMANS AND WHY AM I A TEENAGER?!

Impressing the Girls part 1

Deadpool’s Equestria Girls Adventures!
Chapter Two
Winning over the crew part 1

Deadpool here! So after venturing into the void I stumbled upon the Equestria Girls universe…and got myself stuck in this pickle.

“So why again do I have to go to school with you girls?” I asked as I slipped into a Guns and Roses t-shirt

“Wade if you would remember what I said earlier then I think you would get your answer” Sunset replied

Three hours earlier…

“I still can’t believe I’m stuck with an idiot like you Wade Wilson!” Sunset complained “First I find out that I can’t just get rid of this ‘bundle of joy’ because you’re some sort of hideous mutant”

“Mutate” I corrected her

“Does it look like I care?” Sunset asked, obviously peeved by the circumstances “Then I find out that my child’s father is a killer by profession! I mean did you even pass high school?!”

“No.” I answered, not knowing what I had just gotten myself into until it was too late

Sunset turned to face me and stared into my eyes in disbelief “Repeat that?” She asked

It was too late. “I dropped out of high school. “ I admitted rubbing the back of my neck in guilt.

Present time

“Yeah I know, I know. You don’t want your child to be raised by a father that dropped out of high school.” I repeated back to her in relent. I hated high school, bullies always picking on me and the popular kids always laughing at my misfortunes. I was the class clown…But I guess that song was right. High school never ends. I’m still the class clown, even as an adult. I guess another shot couldn’t be that bad….could it?

Sunset gave me an annoyed look and grabbed my arm, dragging my finally clothed body out the door and outside her apartment “We’re gonna be late for the bus you dimwit!” She yelled as the bus pulled up to the bus stop outside her apartment. Sunset’s apartment wasn’t that bad…I mean it wasn’t my place so it was definitely an improvement. Finally getting a look at the outside of her apartment I would say that her digs are quite nice. How she got them comes to mind but I decided not to anger my new roommate so soon.

“Just be glad she isn’t like the last girl you slept with”

“Let’s not bring that up”

What he said.

We both rushed to the bus, getting on just before the bus closed its doors and took off without us. As we climbed the stairs of the bus to find a seat I heard someone yell the words “HEY LOOK IT’S THE FREAK!” from somewhere in the seats

“Are they talking about me?” I asked as my girlfriend sighed

“No….they’re talking about me.” Sunset replied with an annoyed groan. I shot the pest a dirty look and he responded with a sneer “Are you her new boyfriend? What a freak!” I was THIS close to decking the jerk before Rainbow Dash yelled from the back

“HEY! LEAVE HER ALONE JERKWAD!” I heard the jock yell in defense of her friend as the two of us sat next to our multicolor friend “Sorry about that Sunset. SOME OF US DON’T KNOW MANNERS!” Dash yelled as she shook her fist at the bully

“It’s okay Dash…I’m used to it.” Sunset replied with a sigh “I just have to deal with it. I did try to mind control the school after all. “

“Yeah I feel ya sister. High school sucks” I responded, Dash shooting me a dirty look

“Look WADE I don’t trust low life creeps like you so back off!” Dash roared in my face as I turned to find another seat

“Just great. Now our waifu hates us”

“I thought Fluttershy was our waifu…”

Eh. It’s still a toss up….though either way I’m fucked

I sat in an empty seat in the back of the bus as my new girlfriend sat three rows ahead next to Rainbow Dash. I heard the girls talk as I sat lonely until a familiar girl came to the back and sat next to me

“Hi….I’m Derpy Doo. You seem lonely. Mind if I sit next to you?” The girl introduced herself with her one eye wandered off. She concentrated for a second getting her lazy eye to straighten out as she giggled nervously “Sorry. It tends to do that…you don’t think I’m weird do you?”

“What’s wrong with weird?” I asked, smiling at the girl while my inner voices fangirled at the sight of the almighty Derpy

Derpy smiled at that, giggling an adorable laugh as the bus pulled up to the school. We all got out and I stopped Derpy as we got off the bus “Hey Derpy…if anyone calls you weird…just tell them thank you…normalcy is overrated anyways!”

Derpy smiled at that and nodded as the two of us got off the bus

As I made my way into the school I pulled my class schedule out of my new backpack and looked it over. While it wasn’t exactly an easy task of getting me into the school, Twilight getting lucky on her arrival while I had to fill out freakin paperwork, it wasn’t impossible, although explaining WHY I was applying was another task entirely. I swear I have never been slapped so hard by one of my idols, although I gotta give Luna props for actually leaving a mark that lasted an hour.

“ALL PRAISE THE LUNAR REPUBLIC!”

“I resent that. I support the Solar Empire”

We are NOT having this argument AGAIN!

My two voices retreated to their corners and went silent for a while as I looked over my schedule “Okay so first I got chemistry….sounds promising, as long as I don’t blow up the school I should be fine!” I said to myself as a familiar trio ran by me

I looked over to the three girls ‘I swear my knowledge of the show is gonna get annoying after a while…WHAT AM I SAYING?! I’m living any brony’s dream! And yet….it’s surprisingly underwhelming. I mean sure I know them but they don’t know ME. Honestly it’s a first for me.’ I thought as the three Crusaders ran off

I made my way to the class room and walked in, the other students all watching me like hawks as I took my seat. Luckily for me I had one person that walked in and lifted my spirit

“WADE!” I heard Pinkie yell as she threw her arms up in glee and rushed over to sit next to me, staring patiently at the guy next to me for a second, the guy relenting with a frustrated groan after a few minutes, giving the seat up to the Pink ball of energy.

“Soooo…about Sunset….my bad?” Pinkie asked to me in her cheery, yet guilty tone. While I wanted to be mad at the girl, she was probably the only guaranteed friend I had in this school, so I decided to give her a break. After all, if I’m gonna survive this high school nightmare I’m gonna have to get into a cliq and Pinkie was the gateway to any possibility of getting a group of friends

Just as Pinkie opened her mouth to talk to me the teacher walked in and the classroom went silent as the teacher walked up to the board and wrote his name in dry eraser

MR. NEUTRON the board read as I immediately asked out of instinct “Where’s your robot dog?”

The teacher turned to me and stared for a moment as I felt my soul being pierced by the gaze of the man in a blue suit. After piercing my soul the teacher let out a boisterous laugh before wiping his eyes and saying “Finally! Someone who can tell a joke! Seriously guys, lighten up!” The teacher walked up to the board and began to look around the room with a wide smile on his face “I mean what’s with all this negativity? Perk up and smile! It’s only chemistry!”

Me and Pinkie looked at each other and smiled, adding a little song to the conversation

“Come on everybody, smile, smile ,smile! Fill your hearts up with sunshine, sunshine!” Pinkie sang as I whistled the backup tune

Mr. Neutron looked over to us and exclaimed “Exactly! These two got the picture! Chemistry is fun! Sure it’s early in the morning but who cares when you get a chance to do things like this!” Mr. Neutron walked over to a freezer in the back of the room and pulled out a water bottle, filled with clear liquid before walking back to the front of the room.

Mr. Neutron held the bottle up to his face and spoke like a magician “Now it’s liquid…” He then tapped the bottom of the bottle with his fist and it instantly began to freeze from the inside, the water becoming a frozen chunk inside the plastic in mere moments “And now it’s not!” Mr. Neutron declared passing the ice filled bottle around as the students stood in awe, Pinkie yelling “ARE YOU A WIZARD?!” after inspecting the frozen bottle for a solid minute

“I’m pretty sure that was more a physics experiment then a chemistry experiment”

“Who cares? It was awesome!”

Mr. Neutron took back the bottle and let out a hearty laugh “No miss Pinkie! I’m not a wizard. Although many things science can do could be considered magic!”

“Like friendship!” Pinkie yelled causing Mr. Neutron to let out another laugh

“Yes Pinkie, just like friendship.” Mr. Neutron replied with a smile

The next hour Mr. Neutron showed off a couple more science experiments, explaining them as he went along. After chemistry I made my way through the rest of my day leisurely, staying half awake through my next two classes, English and History, until I came across my favorite gentle soul in a back hallway kneeling and talking to what looked like herself.

Using my incredible stealth I snuck in, pushing my body up against the lockers silently as I peeked around the corner and saw Fluttershy and her furry friends. With her was a pigion, the familiar face of the nuisance known as Angel, and a grey puppy that could only be about a few days old. I listened as Fluttershy spoke to the animals

“Oh I’m sorry mister wolf pup but I can’t feed you until we get back to the shelter. you’ll just have to wait” Fluttershy said with a hint of annoyance and a larger part worry as the little puppy whined “If Principal Celestia finds out I’ve been bringing animals on school grounds again I’ll be in big trouble and the animal shelter will fire me! Oh what to do?!”

“Perhaps I could help.” I spoke revealing myself to the shy girl. Fluttershy let out a loud eep but seemed to calm down after the initial fright

“Wade…I heard what happened with you and Sunset” Fluttershy spoke, a hint of uneasiness in her voice as she looked at me in a gaze of mistrust. It really sucked being a brony that was hated or mistrusted by more than half the characters you cheered for as a fan.

I smiled and knelt down in front of the wolf pup"How old is he?"

"He's about two and a half weeks old. We just got him off the bottle yesterday" Fluttershy explained in her signature whisper

“What’s his name?”

“He doesn’t have one. We found his mother dead last week after a run in with a full grown stag in the forest north of here. The poor mother must have been desperate to take on the deer alone. She didn’t stand a chance. After we took him to the shelter my boss told me to find it a home. Wolves are pack creatures and this one won’t survive long without a family since the shelter doesn’t take in wild predators like wolves and if we don't find him a home by the end of the week he'll be too old to form a bond. My boss said if I found it a home I would get promoted.” Fluttershy explained as the wolf pup batted at my hands playfully. The pup seemed to be completely unaware of the danger it was in, should Fluttershy not find him a home…So I made a split second decision.

“Fluttershy…I want to adopt Balto.” I said standing up, my chest puffed out and arms at my side in an attempt to make myself look confident

“Balto? Why Balto?” Fluttershy asked as the puppy jumped at the sound of his new name

I smiled as I thought back to my childhood. “Come by Sunset’s place later and I’ll show you.” I said as I knelt back down and began to pet the wolf pup

“Are you sure? Taking care of an animal requires a lot of responsibility and patience and you don’t seem to have much of either” Fluttershy spoke in a concerned tone

“Geez, even Fluttershy is dissing us!”

“Sad fact is she’s not exactly wrong either”

Looking into the eyes of the pup I felt a connection form as the little one stared back at me with an innocent gaze…but I saw deeper. As I looked into the pup’s eyes I saw a feeling of loneliness and fear, feelings I knew all too well. I looked back at Fluttershy and nodded “Yes. I’m sure. I gotta learn responsibility somehow especially with Sunset’s pregnancy and all and Balto should be the perfect way to do so.”

We then heard the sound of a woman clearing her throat as we turned to see Vice Principal Luna standing in front of us “Fluttershy I thought I told you that the no pets rule was nonnegotiable.” Luna spoke in a stern demeanor

Standing in front of Fluttershy, I spoke up in her defense “Vice Principal Luna, Fluttershy was put in charge of this wolf pup and has no right to be punished for only doing her job given to her by the animal shelter! Punish me all you want but don’t punish Fluttershy!”

Vice Principal Luna raised her eyebrow at this “Is this true Fluttershy?”

Fluttershy nodded and picked up the wolf pup, carefully putting him in her backpack

Vice Principal Luna turned back to me “Well surprisingly I have no reason to punish either of you if that is the case. Please just get to class and stay out of trouble” Luna said, looking me in the eye as she said the last part of her sentence before walking off

Fluttershy turned to me and smiled “Thanks Wade. Perhaps you aren’t as bad as I thought you were. Come by the animal shelter after school and we’ll fill out the paper work for you to adopt Balto and then you can show me where you got that name”

“No sweat Fluttershy! I couldn’t let an innocent girl get punished for something that they didn’t have any control over! I’ll meet you after school so you can show me where to go alright?” I replied, holding out my hand for a hand shake

“Sure. I’ll come by Sunset’s apartment and pick you up” Fluttershy accepted, shaking my hand before smiling and walking off

“Let’s just hope Sunset doesn’t mind having a puppy around the house” I said before making my way to the lunchroom

I entered the lunchroom and looked around for somewhere to sit. I saw several people I remembered from the movie including The CMC, The hippies, Mr. Waifu Stealer, and...hold on is she waving at me? I saw in the corner of the room the sight of Derpy waving over in my direction. Looking at her, I pointed to myself in confusion as she nodded furiously and I walked over to the blonde goofball.

“Are you sure you want me to sit with you Derpy?” I asked the girl as she chuckled and flashed me a goofy grin

“Of course Wade! Why wouldn’t I?” Derpy asked as if I was asking something trivial, like whether or not the sky was blue. I shrugged my shoulders and sat down, pulling my lunch bag out of my bottomless backpack

As I pulled out my lunch another familiar face sat down at our table “Yo Derpy! How’s it hangin’?”

“Oh just fine Vinyl. I actually made a new friend! Vinyl Scratch, meet Wade Wilson.” Derpy replied to her DJ friend

“So you’re the infamous Wade Wilson everyone’s talking about! What’s it like being the new kid on the block?” Vinyl asked holding a supposedly fake microphone up to me

‘Wow she really does sound like Nowacking’ I thought as I answered the disk jockey “Well the weird looks are kinda off putting but I’m kinda used to it so not much different than most places I go. Gotta say that I’m surprised I haven’t been thrown out yet. Usually when I go to schools they throw me out within the first twenty minutes”

Vinyl nodded and let out a wicked smile before asking “Are you the dude who knocked up Sunset Shimmer?”

Looking around in panic, I made sure no one had heard that before replying “…..yes. How did you find out?”

Vinyl simply smirked “You know how they say rumors go down the grapevine?”

“Yeah…”

“Well at this school…I’m the grapevine.” Vinyl answered with a smirk

“Just promise me you won’t tell anyone. Sunset is already in deep water with the students for what she did at the fall formal and I don’t want her to be ridiculed even more.” I replied with a frustrated sigh “I don’t need to give her anymore reasons to hate me more than she already does”

Vinyl smiled and nodded “Alright bro. I’ll do my best but I can’t guarantee anything. I’m not the only source of gossip in this school after all. So where exactly are you from Wade? I mean you’re not from around here or else I would have heard of you so what gives?”

“Yeah I was wondering that as well” Derpy added

“I’m….not from this dimension. I was just kinda visiting when I ran into Sunset and her crew and now I have to stay due to the whole pregnancy situation.” I answered

“You aren’t here to take over the world are you?” Derpy asked in a worried tone

I let out a laugh at that thought. Me? Ruler of the world? Sounds worse than the Saint’s Row guy being president…oh wait that happened.

“Nah. I just needed a break from my usual mercenary business”

“Mercenary?” Vinyl asked “Are you telling me you’re a badass bounty hunter?”

“Yup. I’m known as The Merc with the Mouth Deadpool!” I replied, my ego taking hold

“Deadpool? What are you some kind of superhero?” Derpy asked with a light chuckle at the thought

“Eh, more of an anti-hero. Hey, in my world it’s a lot more common than you’d think. There are hundreds of heroes just in New York!”

“Sounds awesome!” Vinyl replied as she pulled a small unfinished box out of her backpack along a screwdriver, beginning to play around with the insides of the box.

“What’s that?” I asked, curiously looking at the electronic gadget

“Oh this? It’s a mini speaker I’ve been tinkering with. When it’s finished it should be able to output the same as the speakers they use in clubs and only be the size of a baseball!” Vinyl explained

“Huh…never saw you as a tinkerer.” I replied with an impressed look

“Yeah, not many people know that about me. Other than Octy and Derpster, you’re the only one.” Vinyl answered back as she continued to play with her gadget

The rest of the school day went by without anything worth mentioning, Me sleeping through study hall and spanish and math were filled with name games, the spanish teacher being pleasantly surprised when I went the entire class speaking to her in perfect Spanish. My final class, gym, getting called off due to a student throwing up in the gymnasium.

As I made my way to the bus I saw Sunset sitting in the back alone and I skeptically made my way over to her as I saw her holding back tears “What happened to you?”

Sunset didn’t even look up at me as she answered “Some guys from the football team were *sniff* being jerks and called me a slut. It turns out the entire school knows about what happened.”

I took a deep breath as I resisted the urge to go all Liem Neeson on the football players asses. I sat next to Sunset and regretfully looked down at my lap “Where’s Rainbow?”

Sunset closed her eyes and let out a breath as she looked away in frustration “She’s in detention. After I told her what happened she got in a fight with the guys and got caught by one of the gym teachers. The only reason she’s not expelled is because Principal Celestia found out about what the football players had said about me.”

Clutching my fist tightly I took yet another deep breath, deciding to change the subject. “Well in other news, we’re going to have a new roommate soon”

Sunset, with eyes still watery, turned to me in confusion “What do you mean? Wade you better not be planning any surprise visits from one of your superhero friends.”

“Oh no! Nothing like that! I met up with Fluttershy earlier and saw that she was taking care of a wolf puppy so I decided to adopt it!” I replied with a nervous smile “She was gonna pick me up later and take me to fill out the paper work at the shelter!”

Wiping her eyes Sunset let out a short laugh as she answered back “Yeah, Fluttershy told me about that. She said that you were going to show her something as well. What was up with that?”

“Oh yeah! Do you have a VCR?” I asked, crossing my fingers

“Yes. Why?”

“Well I was gonna show Fluttershy an old movie where I got the name of our new puppy! It’s a gem from my childhood so I only have it on VHS” I answered back with a grin

“Oh…okay then. I’ll make some popcorn for you guys then. You don’t mind if I watch as well do you?” Sunset asked

“Oh hell yeah! The more the merrier!” I said as the bus took off

I sat in Sunset’s living room as I heard the doorbell ring. Getting up, I walked up to the door and answered seeing Fluttershy waiting there “Hey Fluttershy! I’ve been waiting for you!”

“Well I said I’d pick you up so why don’t we get going?” Fluttershy responded as the two of us made our way down to Fluttershy’s car.

As we drove to the shelter I looked around the car and noticed a small green notebook sticking out of the glove compartment. Out of curiosity I took it out and began looking through it, seeing multiple unfinished pencil sketches of animals she’d seen “Fluttershy these are really good! Are you taking an art class?”

Fluttershy looked over and nearly hit the breaks in panic as she answered nervously “No. I‘m not good enough to take art class”

“Are you kidding?! These are amazing! I mean I’m no expert in art and all but jeez! How long did it take you to draw these?” I replied in disbelief

“About an hour or so.”Fluttershy responded as she pulled into the parking lot of the animal shelter

“Fluttershy you are really selling yourself short on this and I cannot stand for it! Tomorrow I want you to go to your councilor and ask to switch to an art class!” I proclaimed as Fluttershy parked the car and turned off the engine

“Are you sure Wade? I mean I’ve never drawn anything for someone else so what if I fail?” Fluttershy asked worrily

“Oh don’t you worry Fluttershy! I promise that when your teacher sees your work she’ll be super impressed! Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!” I said as I performed the sacred motions of the Pinkie Swear

“Alright, I’ll trust you Wade. But if you are wrong then I’ll be very disappointed in you” Fluttershy replied as the two of us exited the car and made our way into the building

As soon as we entered I saw the wolf pup running around trying to get the other dogs to play with him to no avail as the other dogs seemed to either ignore him or hide from him “Poor thing. He’s been trying for a week to make a friend but all the other animals seem to be afraid of him. Angel especially seems to think he’s going to eat him” Fluttershy spoke as she went behind the counter and pulled out a small stack of papers

“An animal that scares Angel? Want NOW!”

“At least he isn’t afraid of us”

Pulling a pen from my pocket I began to sign the papers in my signature style of ‘scriblture’ as I read over the text of the papers carefully, making sure that I wasn’t unintentionally selling my soul as well, years of dealing with backstabbing clients and tricksters like Loki making me paranoid about paperwork. Finally finishing, Fluttershy took the papers to the back before coming out and picking up my new pet and handing him over to me

“Here’s your new pet wolf, Balto Wilson. You are now the legal owner and guardian of this creature and should you mistreat this animal you will be fined and sent to jail. There are no refunds for your new pet and the Canterlot Animal Shelter is not responsible for any incidents that are caused by or happen to your new pet. Please take care of your new animal as you would any other family member and have a nice day” Fluttershy recited before wiping her forehead and making her way to the front from behind the counter “Alright. Now you were going to show me where you got that name right?”

“Yup! Back to Sunset’s!” I yelled as we exited the building and got back into Fluttershy’s car

We both entered Sunset’s apartment and saw Sunset fiddling with the VCR “Oh hey you two! I was just getting the darn VCR to work. It keeps thinking it’s midnight!” Sunset greeted the two of us as we walked in, Balto running in and immediately beginning the exploration of his new home

“Sunny, let the master handle this.” I said as I picked up the VCR and gave it a light tap and it instantly turned on and corrected itself, along with the TV setting itself to the right setting.

“How in Equestria did you do that?!” Sunset yelled prompting the neighbors to yell from the next room over “AW SHADAP!” Sunset yelled back in a surprising New York accent

“….when did you get a New York accent?” I asked caught off guard by the change in Sunset’s voice

“I grew up in Manehatten” Sunset replied as I pulled out a VHS copy of one of my favorite animated flicks of all time, Balto, popping it into the VCR and motioning the girls to sit on the couch as the movie started, Sunset running to the kitchen and bringing a large batch of fresh popcorn back with her.

ONE HOUR AND FIFTY MINUTES LATER

The three of us cheered as we watched the animated Wolf dog Balto race the dog sled team back to the Alaskan town of Nome with the song “Reach for the Light” playing in the background, Fluttershy being the loudest of all of us reminding me of the Sonic Rainboom episode as she yelled “GO BALTO GO!” at the top of her lungs

As the movie ended The two girls sitting next to me sat happily as I turned off the movie and turned to them asking “So….what did you think?”

“That was awesome!” Sunset blurted

“As awesome as me?” I asked leaning in to hear her answer

“No. You’re nowhere near as cool as Balto Wade” Sunset replied with a smirk

“Well, you’re not wrong” I replied as I turned to Fluttershy “So what about you? What did you think?”

Fluttershy smiled and spoke up in her normal soft voice “I really liked it. Balto was a hero even when no one believed in him. That’s something that can really be admired”

I looked over to my new buddy Balto, who sat on the couch happily and asked “What about you little buddy? What did you think?”

Balto simply barked happily as I replied “Me too Balto.”

Fluttershy and Sunset sat at the dinner table as I went to cooking a meal for the three of us, Me having to force Fluttershy to stay so I could impress the two of them and while I wasn’t any master chef their was one thing I was an expert at making: Lasagna. (Well that, pancakes, and Chimichangas but who’s keeping track!)

You don’t count. Anyways following my mother’s old recipe I prepared the noodles, pan, and cheese using my life cheat codes to jump ahead a few paragraphs of Brad talking about how my mother used to make this for me before she died of cancer to when it was all ready to begin cooking.

But Backstory Wade! We can’t just skip that kind of stuff! It’s important to the narrative!

Maybe for you but to me it’s just filler so see you later! Anyways yeah…I remember my mother slaving away for hours on holidays making the perfect batches of Lasagna, you know the stuff Garfield has wet dreams about. It was never too soupy or too hard and had a perfect mixure of cheddar, mozzarella, and swiss cheese along with a sprinkle of garlic salt on each layer. It was probably the only time I’ve ever felt like I had a legitimate family that loved me for who I am.

You done Brad?

Yes…

Good because the food is ready to bake! Opening up the oven, I carefully put the lasagna in and set it for three hours before I pulled another finished batch of lasagna out of hammer space “And now ladies and gentlemen, This is what it looks like finished! As you can see it is golden brown and the cheese is melted to perfection! Now let’s see what the judges think!” I said as I brought the batch out to the two girls “Dinner is served!”

“Wow. When you said you could cook lasagna in twenty minutes I thought for sure that you were joking.” Sunset said as she handed Fluttershy a ten dollar bill under the table

“Well then let’s get eatin!” I said in a mock Texan accent

The three of us each cut a piece of the lasagna and began eating, Fluttershy taking a moment to register the flavor before eating a little bit faster while Sunset dug in after her first bite, her face before her first bite indicating that she must have thought that I had tainted the meal or something. What surprised me the most was, despite rigorously shoveling through the lasagna, Sunset somehow didn’t get a single drop of pasta sauce anywhere other than her mouth. I bet you wish you could do that Brad!

Don’t make me hurt you Wade

Ha! I’d like to see you try!

Oh I will…just wait until you guys meet up with the Avengers and Logan in chapter 10

“Once again…that’s not fucking ominous!”

“So Wade…I heard Derpy and Vinyl talking about you. What was up with that?” Fluttershy asked

“Oh yeah, Derpy befriended me on the bus this morning and we had lunch together where I met Vinyl. They were pretty cool so I decided to hang out with them.” I explained as I continued to eat

“Well…someone wasn’t taught proper dinner edicate. “Sunset commented as I put my fork down and waved her off

"Well excuuuuse me princess!" I replied with a smirk

Fluttershy couldn’t help chuckling at us as she voiced a not-so-popular opinion “You two sound like a married couple”

Both Sunset and I turned and looked at our guest in either confusion or anger….you can guess who was which

“What?! No we don’t!” I yelled in denial

"Yes you do!”

“I do NOT sound like I’m married to this imbacile!” Sunset roared as I turned to her and asked the question that had lingering in my head for the past day

“You really do hate me, don’t you?”

Sunset looked me in the eye and gave me a deadpan stare “You knocked me up, forced me to have to live with you, and gave the school yet another reason to make fun of me. Of course I hate you!”

Depressed, I got up from the table and walked out of the room with my head hung low and my spirits crushed, finally ending up in the guest room bed, the door to the room left wide open and my head buried in the single pillow and laid there silently

“Sunset that was unnessessary!” Fluttershy spoke to her friend in a disappointed tone

“Look Fluttershy, Tell me that you wouldn’t feel the same way I do if you were in my shoes!” Sunset shot back

Fluttershy went quiet for a moment before responding “I guess you’re right there-“

“SEE!” Sunset yelled, interrupting her shy friend

Fluttershy held up her hand, signaling Sunset to be silent as the her pink locked friend continued “Although that doesn’t give you the right to harass him. While he may be annoying and a bit of a nuisance, he still has feelings. Feelings that you hurt Sunset Shimmer.”
Sunset was about to retort but Fluttershy, getting up from the table said something that silenced the former unicorn in an instant “After all…what would Twilight think?”

Sunset sat there, her arms crossed in frustration as she pouted in defeat, Fluttershy walking over to the guest room and sitting down next to Wade “I’m sorry about what Sunset said Wade. If it’s any consolation I’ll be your friend.” Fluttershy spoke to Wade’s unresponsive body

Wade simply lay there as Fluttershy pulled a piece of paper out of the backpack that lay next to my bed and wrote a small note that she left on the bedside table before walking out and picking up her things.

“Sunset, I think you should give Wade a chance. He’s not as bad as you think.” Fluttershy lectured her friend as she walked out the door

Sunset lay in her bed, conflicted by her thoughts. On one hand she had every right to hate her new roommate, yet on the other hand she knew Fluttershy was right…she hadn’t even given Wade a chance. But the question remained…did he even deserve it?

Author's Note

For those wondering: Yes. this is Sunset's Character Arc for the fic. And for those who are against this: Please keep reading. Trust me when I say that Sunset WILL have consequences for her hatred toward Wade, both with her friends and on a somewhat physical level

And for those looking for a bit more Deadpool Shenanigans I will refer you to the next chapter where I have to win over both everybrony's favorite cowgirl and The Rainboom Renegade Rainbow Dash NEXT TIME ON THE EQUESTRIA GIRLS ADVENTURES OF DEADPOOL!

Impressing the Girls part 2

Author's Note

So to those who haven't watched Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann...spoilers....like MAJOR spoilers. For those who have seen it....prepare for manly tears to be shed

Impressing the Girls part 2

I awoke slowly, opening my eyes to the sight of complete darkness.

“AH! THE MAYANS WERE RIGHT! THE SUN IS GONE! Wait….it’s not 2012 anymore. Oh well! AHHHH!!!!” I yelled into my pillow, quickly noticing that I was actually just facing the pillow.

“That was embarrassing...”

Turning over, I sat up to see our new pet wolf Balto sitting patiently next to my bed, panting quietly as he waited for me to get up. “Either this is the most polite and well trained puppy in the world…or his daddy was one strict motherfucker. Either way, both of us are as hungry as Galactus on a planet binge!” I said as I got out of bed, noticing a note on the table next to me. Picking it up, I began to read the careful handwriting.

Wade, while you aren’t the most polite and pleasant person I can say that without a doubt I am from this moment on, your friend. I enjoyed watching the movie with you and I hope you will show me that you are just as good a friend as I think you will be.

Fluttershy

“2 down, 4 to go! Or is that 5? I dunno.”

I smiled as I heard Balto bark for attention. Putting the note in the drawer connected to the bedside table, I got up and walked over to the kitchen, Balto following me eagerly as I scanned the room for something to eat.

Seeing an empty medium sized bowl I search through the cabinets for some sort of dog food, only finding a bunch of different snack foods and cereals. Panicking I opened the fridge and searched finding nothing of the dog food variety. “Well, balls! We forgot to get dog food!” I said as I heard Sunset slowly make her way to the kitchen, her hair more of a mess than a Yu-gi-oh cosplayer’s hopped up on coffee.

“Sunset we forgot dog food….umm... what are you doing?” I asked as Sunset zombie walked over to the fridge, opening it and pulling out a piece of ground beef, grabbing the bowl and dumping it before finally putting it on the ground for Balto to eat. She then pointed to another bowl and then to the sink as I took the hint and filled it up with water and set it down for Balto to drink *

*Those yelling at the screen telling me that I'm not supposed to feed a wolf puppy that way....I'm completely okay with that. Leave a comment on the correct technique of proper wolf pup care and I will adjust the text accordingly. Thank you.

“You know, we’re gonna have to get a bigger place if we want to keep him” Sunset spoke as she poured a cup of coffee.

“I know…I’ll get to work on that soon.” I responded as I searched through the multitude of cereals that Sunset had stocked. “Why do you have so many different cereals?”

Taking a big sip of her Joe, Sunset grabbed a box of Rice Krispies and grabbed a bowl. “When I arrived here I didn’t know what was good or not so I just kinda bought one of everything. You know those Lucky Charms are like five years old right?”

I looked at the box of Lucky Charms in my hand. “Well then…Fuck you, Lucky Charms”

"Woah....."

"That was cosmic..."

I got out a box of Fruit Loops and poured my cereal as Sunset spoke up "Hey Wade..I'm sorry about what I said yesterday..."

"Does this mean you like me now?" I asked as I sat down at the table.

"No. It just means I'm taking back what I said." Sunset replied bluntly.

"Harsh!"

You didn't actually think that she'd stop hating you yet, did you Wade?

Nope. But it was worth a shot! "So I guess we should get ready..." I said before shoveling down my cereal and walking back to my room where I grabbed Brad's favorite AC/DC shirt and my personally signed pair of Bart Simpson shorts with a bite taken out of the bottom left pant leg and threw them on, grabbing my backpack on my way back to the kitchen, where I found Balto waiting patiently as Sunset got ready in the bathroom.

The next twenty minutes passed as I played with Balto having him chase a slice of meat that I kept in hammer space from one of my many victims as Sunset got ready.

"Ugh...I swear my hair has a vendetta against me." Sunset complained as she exited the bathroom.

"Ready?" I asked as I waited at the door with Balto.

"What are we gonna do about him?"

"Oh...right." I thought for a second before pulling up my life cheat code menu and pausing before picking up our wolf and walking him to the end of the chapter, putting him down next to the door right before I got home before returning to the paused point and unpausing life.
"There! All done!"

"Why haven't we ever used that before this point?"

Because I locked any god mode level cheats and disabled all cheats during big fights. Trust me, it makes things much more interesting.

Sunset took a double take as she looked around the room for the wolf before shrugging and walking out the door muttering something under her breath about Pinkie Pie.

I sat in the back of the bus next to my favorite ditz, listening to her talk about a peculiar dream she had last night.

"So I enter the phone box and I see an entire room stuffed inside! After the whole "I'm a pony" thing I thought the weirdness couldn't be topped but I was wrong! Turns out this "Doctor" was actually a freaky alien from a planet called Gal-E-Fray or something like that! Plus he's a time traveler! Weird right?" Derpy asked waving her hands around as she described her dream

"Sounds like a normal weekend to me!"

"...well he's not wrong."

I wouldn't call ANY of our weekends 'normal'. Hell, I wouldn't describe anything involving me 'normal'!

The bus came to a halt and Derpy and I parted ways as the rest of the students on the bus made their way into the school and to their first classes.

As I got to my locker I heard the sound of arguing coming from down the hall so, being a curious cat, I walked over to see none other than Rainbow Dash arguing with a group of familiar girls.

"I don't understand why you defend that freak, Dash! She tried to brainwash the entire school! That is so NOT cool!" I heard the girl sporting a head of purplish white hair and a brown bomber jacket with white fluff on the collar that complimented her white skin as well as a pair of blue jeans that were clearly only worn to show off the girl's *eh hem* assets due to their slim size

"Ever since that Twilight girl showed up you've been hanging out with those other girls instead of us! What do those girls have that we don't?!" The other girl, having a slicked back dew of yellowish orange hair and turquoise blue skin, wearing a blue Letterman Jacket that sported a number of patches along with a pair of matching blue sweat pants.

"Look, Gilda and Lightning Dust, just because I hang out with Sunset and the girls doesn't mean I don't like you two anymore. I just have different friends for different things!" Dash explained begrudgingly, clearly having had to explain this before to the two girls

"Well, I don't believe you Dash!" Gilda barked "I think that witch Sunset is using her magic to brainwash you and keep you from your REAL friends!"

"Yeah! She's probably trying to use your freaky pony powers to take over the world!" Lightning Dust added

Dash snapped at the two girls, yelling several profanities at the two before beginning a huge rant/ burn, "The only reason I stopped hanging out with you two is because I realized that you two are colossal dicks to anyone who doesn't fit your image of a 'Cool kid'! I mean last week you not only insulted Pinkie Pie, A girl who literally NO ONE in the entirety of Canterlot has a reason to hate, but on top of that you made Fluttershy cry! Freaking Fluttershy! What has she ever done to entice any amount of malice towards her?!"

"She was being a dweeb and got in my way." Gilda snarked back causing Dash to pull her fist back for a punch, only stopping as I stepped in.

"Woah, woah, woah! Dash don't get yourself detention two days in a row!" I yelled as I stepped between the two groups.

Dash gave me a dirty look before letting out in an threatening tone the following sentence "Wade, I can take care of myself. Now will you please leave before my focus shifts from the two jackasses behind you and onto you."

"Who's the goody two shoes?" Gilda asked

"Goody two shoes!? Bitch we're Deadpool! The ultimate anti hero!"

"What he said!"

Turning to face the smartass, I responded with a false cheery smile "Name's Wade Wilson! I'm the new kid!"

"Oh yeah! You're the dumbass who knocked up the freak!" Lightning Dust laughed.

Putting my hand on Lightning Dust's shoulder I calmly flipped her off, Lightning Dust responding with a punch towards my face.
Sidestepping the punch, I shot the two bullies a 'don't fuck with me' look as the two ran off after a teacher came down the hall.

"I didn't need your help Wade." Rainbow Dash added with an annoyed tone similar to whenever I ask Tony why I can't be an Avenger.

"Hey, I'm just trying to help! Can't I at least get a thank you?"

Dash shot back with a poignant "No." before walking off.

"Well that could have gone better."

I went through my day as I would any day, with a cheery attitude and a cocky smile, making it through chemistry successfully without blowing up the school, which was much more impressive considering the fact that today we were learning how certain elements burned differently and that Pinkie was my lab partner during the Bunsen burner experiment. Apparently Pinkie keeps flame retardant hairspray in her hair in case of fires.

After making my way through English and History, I made my way to the lunchroom where I sat down next to Derpy and Vinyl who both were talking about some new band named Phoenix Rising, and their lead singer curiously dating a girl also named Sunset Shimmer.

As I got out my favorite peanut butter and butter sandwich out of my lunchbag, along with a chimichanga, a bottle of Sunny D and a Twinkie, I saw Rainbow Dash sitting in one of the empty tables in the corner of the lunchroom. Curious, I decided to walk over and investigate.

"Twinkie?" I asked as I sat next to the gayest looking straight girl I knew.

Dash grumbled, muttering something under her breath as she grabbed the treat and stuffed into her mouth angrily.

'Huh....Solrac was right. There is a such thing as being hangry!' I thought as I asked the rainbow haired teen. "So what's up with the lunch
switch? You weren't here yesterday so I'm assuming you must have switched lunches yesterday."

Rainbow didn't answer as I asked yet another question "So, how'd you and the girls start an airsoft team?"

Dash ignored me once again, turning away and facing the wall as I thought of a way out of this. It was then I had an idea....an idea so stupid it will probably work considering I'm the protagonist, "So Dash are you just gonna ignore me the rest of lunch?"

Dash turned to me and gave a deadpan "Yes."

I smiled and motioned for Dash to stay still as I ran over to Vinyl and whispered something into her ear.

"Oh hell yeah!" Vinyl yelled as she pulled out a mic and set it up in the front of the lunch room

After Vinyl gave me the thumbs up I took the mic and yelled into it "HELLO CANTERLOT HIGH! WELCOME TO LUNCH IS DEADPOOL!!!! Recently, me and my girl Sunset have been getting flack for our new relationship status and some of Sunset's friends are not too happy about the whole thing. Case and point, Rainbow Dash!" I spoke into the microphone as I pointed to the rainbow-do'd jock "You see Dash here thinks she can just ignore me for the rest of eternity, but as she and all of you are about to find out I tend to...stand out!"

All of a sudden the lights went dark and a spotlight, that seemed to come from nowhere, shined down on me, as I wore a yellow jumpsuit with my brown hair slicked back, holding a cordless microphone. The speakers began playing a beat as I began to sing

Open up your eyes, take a look at me

Get the picture fixed in your memory

I've been driven by the rhythm, like a beat of a heart and I won't stop until I start

To stand out mmm to stand out

I danced along to the beat, the other students either staring in confusion, laughing at me, or moving along to the beat.

Some people settle for the typical thing

Livin' all their lives waitin' in the wings

It ain't a question of if, just a matter of time, before I move to the front of the line!

Moonwalking over to one of the tables, I backflipped onto it making sure I didn't accidentally step in someone's lunch as I landed.

Once your watchin' every move that I make, ya gotta believe that I got what it taaaakes!

To stand out! Above the crowd!

Even if I gotta shout out loud!

Til mine is the only face you see, I'm gonna stand out!

Til ya notice me

I hopped my way over a few tables, making my way towards my target. I saw Dash crack a smile as she watched me make a fool of myself, looking as if I was nuts.

"Which you are."

If the squeaky wheels always gettin' the grease

I am totally devoted to disturbin' the peace

And I'll do it all again, til I get it done, until I become your number one!

No method to the madness and no means of escape,

Gonna break every rule. I'll bend em' all out of shape!

It ain't a question of how, just a matter of when

You get the message that I'm trying to send!

I did a double flip over the next table, where a certain blue haired boy sat at, just to show off... and to show Mr. Flash who the REAL savior of the universe was

I'm under a spell, I'm in over my head

And you know I'm going all the way to the eeeend!

As I started the second chorus I jumped back off the table, landing right next to Vinyl as the two of us shared a high five before I continued to sing, hearing Derpy cheering

To stand out! Above the crowd!

Even if I gotta shout out loud!

Til mine is the only face you see, gonna staaaand out til ya notice me! Yeah!

Finally making it to Dash's table I jumped up onto the table and knelled down and leaned in as Dash smirked, knowing that all I was really doing was making myself look like a moron.

"So nothing really new right?"

"Yup."

If I could make you stop and take a look at me instead of just

W-a-l-k-i-n b-y

There's nothin' that I won't do if it was gettin' you to notice

I-m A-l-i-v-e

All I need is half a chance, a second thought, a second glance to prove, I got what ever it taaaakes!

Standing back up I jumped up off the table and flipped through the air until I finally landed in back where I began and continued the song as I heard the most of the lunchroom begin to cheer

It's a piece of cake.

I looked over to Dash, seeing the jock laughing happily at the sight of me singing. I inwardly fist pumped as I continued to dance and sing

To stand out! Above the crowd!

Even if I gotta shout out loud!

Til mine is the only face you see gonna stand out, Staaand out Hey!

Stand out! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Stand out! Hmm! Til mine is the only face you see gonna staaand out!

Til ya notice me.

As the song ended the lunchroom went silent as the lights went back to normal and my clothes instantly changed back to my school clothes.

"Are we just gonna ignore the whole costume change?"

"Yup!"

The moment of awkward silence was broken when one of the football players yelled "BOOO!!! YOU SUCK!" before throwing a pear at me...Hold on. A pear? Really Brad? A freakin pear? Why not a tomato?

Name one time you've ever seen someone bring a tomato with a school lunch.

.....Touche.

The lunchroom quickly devolved into a food fight as I ducked behind a table with Derpy and Vinyl, Dash quickly joining as well.

"So we cool now?" I asked the rainbow tomboy as I ducked for cover.

Dash shot me a smile and a thumbs up "After that cringe fest? Yeah, we're good. Just promise me you'll stay by Sunset's side and not abandon her!"

"I promise." I said shaking Dash's hand. "We're totally gonna get detention for this aren't we?" I asked looking at my three friends.

"Probably" Derpy replied.

"Worth it?" Vinyl asked motioning to Dash and I.

I looked over to Dash, the two of us nodding before we both replied, "Worth it."

Grabbing my lunch bag from the table I pulled a long piece of french bread out before popping up from my hiding spot and yelling "PRAISE MONTY OUM!" I then proceeded to jump up on the table and bat away any projectiles that flew in my direction, knocking them back as the three girls next to me continued to toss food at our opponents

The four of us sat in Principal Celestia's office as the principal stared at us intently "Please explain one more time why the four of you were involved in a full scale food fight?"

"Principal it was my fault. I was trying to impress Rainbow Dash and in the process caused the cafeteria to erupt into a food fight due to my terrible singing." I explained for the tenth time.

Principal Celestia rubbed the bridge of her nose once more as she tried to wrap her head around my stupidity.

"Not an easy task."

No kidding.

"Rainbow Dash...is this true?" The principal asked as she continued to rub her now sore temples.

"Yes, Principal Celestia. Me and the girls have been kinda mean to Wade ever since the incident with Sunset and he's been trying to impress us all week. Heck, he sent me a thing of cider the other day" Rainbow replied.

Principal Celestia gave me a suspicious look as I held my hands up in defense.

"It was non alcoholic!" I yelled, holding my hands in the air, cause I honestly didn't care

Principal Celestia rolled her eyes "Well considering no one was hurt during the food fight I think I'll let you off the hook this time." Principal Celestia then leaned in close and continued in a stern tone "But...should any of you pull a stunt like this again...you will all be expelled. Got it?"

The four of us shook our heads vigorously as Principal Celestia sat back in her chair normally. "Good. You may leave now."

We all stood up and left the room, Principal Celestia letting out a long sigh once we closed the door, burying her face in her palms. "I need a vacation..."

"Well that was an ordeal." I said to my friends as I casually held my head back in my hands, continuing to walk.

"Still worth it." Dash said as she smiled like a maniac.

"Yeah...Hey you wanna come by Sunset's later? There's this really cool anime I've been wanting to show you." I asked.

"Anime? You mean those Japanese cartoons that Fluttershy watches?" Dash asked.

"FLUTTERSHY IS AN OTAKU?!"

"Did not see that coming..."

She probably watches a ton of Moe and Sailor Moon. "Yeah, but this is different. It has giant robots and kick ass action!" I exclaimed.

Dash looked at me skeptically "...I guess I could come by and watch the first episode with you..."

"Can we come?!" Derpy yelled, leaning in close to try to make me break my cool...which worked perfectly. The moment I turned and looked into the two giant puppy eyes of the grey girl my brain turned to mush and I instantly relented.

"Okay fine! You can come too! What about you Vinyl?"

Vinyl smiled and pulled out a pair of huge orange glasses and replaced her DJ glasses, smiling even more like a maniac than Dash was, her smile actually extending past her face "Hell yeah..."

I gave Vinyl a bro fist before the four of us went our seperate ways to our next classes

I exited the math lab, making my way towards the gym hall, only to be stopped just outside the hall by yet another familiar face.

"I assume that you are Wade Wilson. Vinyl has been talking about you a lot...." The cellist spoke in a calm, yet peeved tone.

Ah Octavia...Is she a badass in this like in Nightfury?

Not in the same way...yet.

Sweet!...Wait what do you mean yet?

Spoilers bro..spoilers.

Octavia waved her hands in front of me in annoyance "Are you ignoring me?!"

"Oh sorry! I kinda zoned out right there. What is it you want?"

Octavia let out a strained breath as she repeated her question "Do you plan on staying friends with Vinyl?"

"Ummm...yes?" I replied confused by her question "Is there something wrong with that?"

Octavia narrowed her eyes and spoke in an aggravated tone "I am a VERY good judge of character, Wade Winston Wilson...and I can tell that being friends with you can only end in trouble. If you know what's good for you, you WILL stay away from Vinyl."

"Geez, we can't catch a break can we?"

"Apparently not"

"OCTY! For the last time, stop scaring away my friends!" I heard Vinyl yell from across the hall

Octavia sighed as Vinyl walked over, her arms crossed in disappointment "Octy, I swear if you scare away another one of my new friends I will make you sleep on the couch!"

"And when you do you won't be able to sleep for a week." Octavia smugly replied.

"Hey! Just because I had a nightmare the one time you don't sleep in bed with me doesn't mean I can't sleep without you!" Vinyl retorted, her cheeks flushed red.

"Vinyl it's happened five times." Octavia replied her eyebrow raised.

"Wait..are you two lesbians?" I asked causing the both of them to look at me in disbelief as well as most of the other kids in the hall.

"What?! NO! We're not...Why would you think that?!" Vinyl yelled in shock.

"Well you sleep in the same bed..."

"We're just friends!" Vinyl argued back.

"Yeah...friends..." Octavia said under her breath.

"WILSON! GET TO CLASS!" I heard the gym teacher yell from down the hall.

"Well I guess that's my cue to leave..." I said as I slowly walked away from the flustered couple.

I sat down in the gym, looking around at my classmates. Across the gym floor, I spotted a very peeved Applejack, who continued to give me the stink eye from across the room.

"Alright maggots! My name is Mr. Sargent and you are my platoon! You will do as I say and follow orders without question! Do you understand?!" The drill serg-I mean teacher yelled.

"YES SIR!" The others yelled as both me and AJ raised our eyebrows.

"Alright! Now I want you all to give me five laps around the gym PRONTO!" Mr. Sargent yelled as we all got up and began our laps.

As I ran I saw Applejack quickly closing behind me 'Shit...She's gonna kick my ass if she catches up to me.'

I sped up but it was no use for as soon as I turned to look back AJ was already next to me 'Goddammit.'

"Please don't hurt me!" I said as I made a break for it in the crowd of other students in front of me.

Finally making out of the group of students I wiped the sweat off my forehead before looking next to me...seeing AJ still there running alongside me

"OH COME ON!"

"You're not getting away from me Wade." Applejack spoke blatantly.

"Again, please don't hurt me." I held my hands in front of me in order to block any punches she could throw in my direction.

"I'm not gonna hurt you Wade." AJ deadpanned "I just wanna talk."

"That's what they always say! Especially Wolvie! He always says that, and then he stabs me!" I whined.

"Well, Ah'm not him..." AJ replied.

"Okay!" I said with a smile, my bipolar kicking in "What'cha wanna talk about?"

"Simply put...Are you gonna hurt Sunset?"

"Why does everyone think I'm gonna hurt her?! I may be an asshole but I'm not that much of a dick!" I yelled back.

"Ha ha! Guardians of the Galaxy reference!"

Applejack smiled "Good. Just remember that if you EVER break her heart...I will be one of a long line to kick your butt to the curb. Have fun with dodgeball!" She then ran off leaving me dazed and confused.

"THANKS!...wait...dodgeball?"

I stood in the center of my team's side of the court, dodging ball after ball thrown by our opponents while the other four of my team did their
best to follow along "Come on guys! We can do this!" I cheered as I dodged another ball thrown by Twist.

"Ugh, you can never get any good teammates!"

"Scootaloo seems to be doing pretty good for herself."

I looked over to see Brad's favorite pony easily dodging the projectiles thrown at her, swaying to her left to dodge a ball coming from her right.

'Dude....I now see your point Brad. Scootaloo is AWESOME!' I said as Scootaloo performed a twirl in the air avoiding two different balls at once.

I told you so.

"She's like some kind of ninja!"

"Or one of those assassins from Brad's games"

So a parkour ninja?

"Exactly!"

"Agreed"

One by one each one of us took each other out until it was only Me and Scootaloo on one side and Applejack and Br-

DON'T YOU DARE!

Oh come on! You can't expect to call him by the OTHER name!

I can and I will

Ugh! Fine! Applejack and... RRRRGH... Flash Sentry...ugh I feel dirty! Do I REALLY have to call him that?!

Yes.

Saltatron 5000.

The four stared each other down before each of us slowly picked up a ball from our sides and held it in front of us. I looked over to Scootaloo and flashed her a thumbs up. She shot me one back and the two sides began the ultimate dodgeball showdown of ultimate dodgeball destiny. Good guys bad guys and explooo-oh wait, no explosions.

"Will there be Chuck Norris?!"

No.

"Batman?"

No.

Mr. Rodgers?

No.

LAME!

It has You, Scootaloo, and Applejack

....not so lame

"But it has FLASH! So STILL LAME!"

Yeah! What he said!

Wade you may want to dodge....

I turned to see a ball flying at my face 'oh right...' I limboed my way to dodging- That's not grammatically correc- Shut it! I limboed my to dodging as I power slid my way under the flying ball and threw it straight at Mr. Waifu Stealer hitting him in the chest "HA! SUCK IT FLASH! YOU CAN'T STEAL MY GIRL!" I yelled as I proceeded to perform a DX crotch chop at the boy

Turning towards AJ I was immediately headshotted, knocking me out as AJ slowly walked over and shook her head.

I awoke in the nurse's office with AJ standing over me "Ugh....Damn cowgirl! You throw like a frickin' major league pitcher!" I held my head as I slowly sat up and gathered my bearings. I saw a stack of crackers and Sunset standing in the corner of the room looking off to the side.

"She here for me?" I asked the only girl in the school that had what you could call a normal complexion.

"Yup. She got worried when you wouldn't wake up to her usual methods." AJ replied.

"You mean yelling at me?" I replied, smiling innocently

"Yup." AJ responded with a smirk.

"So are we even?"

"Yup." AJ replied holding her hand out. "You wanna go home?"

"I would if I could....you were talking about Sunset's place weren't you?"

"Yup."

I shuffled my way off the bus and into the apartment, Sunset begrudgingly following behind.

"You still hate me?" I asked as I opened the apartment door.

"Yes, Wade...What are you three doing here?" Sunset asked as Rainbow Dash, Derpy, and Vinyl Scratch sat on the couch.

"Oh hey Wade's back!" Derpy yelled.

"Don't worry Sunny. Wade invited us over" Dash replied to her fiery friend.

"Of course he did." Sunset said rolling her eyes "What is it this time Wade?"

"Oh right! I was gonna show them my favorite Anime! TENGEN TOPPA GURREN LAGANN!" I yelled as I pulled out my personal laptop and a video feed cable. "We just plug this puppy in aaaand vioala! Netflix!"

The four of us sat down on the couch as I pulled up the show.

"What's My Little Pony Friendship is Magic?" Dash asked, noticing my recently watched list.

"Oh! Nothing!" I yelled as I switched over to the search list, thankfully unaware of the rainbow-maned mare that looked disturbingly like her.

"Sounds like a little girls show." Vinyl added "...I'm not judging you."

"I am!" Dash chimed in.

"Yeah and you watch that Powerpuff Girls show RD!" Derpy said, nudging her rainbow friend.

"But I'm a girl!" Dash shot back as I pulled up the show.

"In 3..2...1...AAAAND ACTION!" I yelled as I punched the play button.

7 EPISODES LATER!

"AWW YEAH I am LOVIN' this Kamina guy! So they're gonna take on that huge walking battleship all by themselves?" Dash asked as the 8th episode began and the opening theme played.

"Yup!" I replied happily, my inner voices yelling at me not to ruin the twist.

We watched as Kamina and Yoko talked and eventually kissed.

"Awww I love it when they have these onscreen moments like this!" Derpy sighed happily.

"Too bad for Simon though.." Vinyl added.

"So that kiss has a name by the way...I'll tell you it in a bit" I spoke, holding in a smirk.

9 MINUTES LATER

We watched as Gurren and Kamina ran atop Dai-Gunzon toward Lagann and Simon inside, "Simon open the hatch!"

"What's he doing?" Derpy asked as Kamina yelled "LET ME SEE YOU GRIT THOSE TEETH!" and decked his blood brother in the shnoz.

"Just knocking some sense into him" I answered.

"My kinda guy!" Dash hollered as Kamina sat back down in Gurren.

"So about that kiss...it's called the kiss of death.." I said just as the blue light of Timylph's trident broke through the canopy of Dai-Gunzon and pierced Kamina's chest. The girls looked at me confused just as Gurren flew up in the air and Kamina let out a blood curtling scream.

"NOOOO!!!! KAMINA!!!" Dash yelled "MY WAIFU!"

The four of us, including Sunset who was standing in the corner of the room looked at Dash in bewilderment as she began to blush and yell back "WHAT?! I'm allowed to have one!" as Simon blindly climbed the volcano.

"Huzbandu?"

STUFFY!

"He's gonna kill himself!" Derpy yelled as Dai-gunzon made it's way toward the volcano.

I looked over to Vinyl, who was still blue screened by Kamina's impalement "Bu-bu-bu-bu."

Just then we heard Kamina's voice, both Vinyl and Dash perked up as we watched Kamina first throw Gurren's left arm at Lagann and yell "SIMON! LET'S SEE YOU GRIT THOSE TEETH!" before making his awesome speech "Listen, Just who the hell do you think you are, Simon. Your drill is the drill that's gonna bust through heaven and earth and even tomorrow!"

"AW YEAH! TIME FOR SOME ROBOT ACTION!" Vinyl yelled as Gurren and Lagann combined.

"We brawlers are sustained by willpower even when mocked as reckless and crazy!"

"If there's a wall in your way, we smash it down! If there isn't a path then we carve one ourselves!"

"The magma of our souls burns with a mighty flame! Super Ultra Combining Gurren Lagann!"

"And at that moment Logic said "FUCK IT I'M OUT!" " I said as Dash and Vinyl proceeded to foam at the mouth as Gurren Lagann singlehandedly took out the rest of Timlyph's back up before perfoming a Giga Drill Break on Timlyph himself.

As the episode ended Sunset shooed away both Vinyl and Derpy leaving Dash and I inside "I don't know why you don't like this guy Sunset!
He's pretty cool in my book!" Dash added as Sunset turned and gave her the stink eye.

"I'm pretty sure YOU know why I don't like this imbecile Rainbow Dash! After all it is YOUR fault!" Sunset shot back with a fury.

"HEY! I did NOT plan on you getting pregnant! That was ALL you!" Dash fired back "Me and Pinkie just wanted a little payback or all those years of bullying!"

"Well you got it RAINBOW! Now get out before I turn back into a raging she demon! Is that what you want!?" Sunset roared, clearly suffering from her new hormones.

Dash went quiet, taking the hint and walking out as I slowly slipped into my bedroom, Balto quickly following me and the two of us quickly falling quiet as Sunset was left to ponder her feelings.

"Am I a monster...am I fit to bear a child....Is this my punishment..." Sunset spoke to herself as her magic aura returned to her hands, though she failed to notice as she fell to her knees, tearing up and slowly falling asleep on the tile floor.

Impressing the Girls part 3

Something has gone wrong. We don't seem to have an archived copy of that chapter.

The 2nd First Date

I awoke to the sound of my alarm clock going off, which I immediately grabbed and chucked out the window and into the street, where it got run over by a passing car.

"Well this day certainly started off well." I said to myself as I got up out of bed and made my way to the closet. "Now what to wear today?"

"Casual Sunday!"

"By your standards that would mean our birthday suit and I doubt our new roommate would appreciate that."

"He's got a point there. Any other...hold on." I then noticed a small sticky note attached to the inside of the bedroom door. I walked over to it and pulled it off the door and began reading it.

Meet me at Sugar Cube Corner at Noon. I'll be waiting for our date
~Sunset

"Huh...okay then. Well I guess that means we better dress in something decent." I said to myself before pulling out a pair of boxers, a white tee shirt, a pair of Levi's, Brad's favorite leather jacket, a pair of cowboy boots and Brad's black Stetson...Nice product placement BTW. Now everyone in the comments can tell how much of a sellout you are!

Hey, Stetsons are cool!

And the Levi's?

Those are yours, not mine.

Touchè...

I made my way to the apartment's single bathroom, putting my clothes on the table next to the sink as I turned on the shower. As the shower warmed up I took a peek into the kitchen, reading the stovetop clock at 10:18 AM. "Good. I still have plenty of time to get ready...and maybe I can even get in an episode!"

After taking off my boxers from yesterday I got into the shower and began washing up, quickly breaking out into song as I washed

We built this city! We built this city on Rock and Roll! Built this city! We built this city on Rock and Roooll!

After washing up, including using shampoo-Ha! You said Sham!-for the first time in fifteen years, I made my way out of the shower and to the sink to grab my clothes, though before I could grab them I noticed something in the mirror.

"Holy Chimichangas! I have facial hair!" I yelled as I rubbed my finger across the fuzz above my lips and cheeks.

"Too bad it looks like crap."

"Shaving time!"

There's something I haven't done in a while...OH WELL! I pulled a straight razor out of one of the pockets on my Levi's along with a bottle of shaving cream that I quickly spread on my hands and rubbed across my face

"Ho ho ho! My name is Sandy Claws! I'm nowhere as cool as Jack Skellington and am a giant Coca Cola sellout! I have broken into every home in America and somehow is praised a role model for children!" I said as I began to slowly shave my face 'hmmm...I wonder..." As I shaved I very carefully, purposefully nicked the end of my chin, watching as it slowly healed. "So my healing factor still works...just less...good to know."

After shaving I threw on my clothes and made my way to the kitchen and looked around 'Hmm....Balto's been WAY to quiet...' I began looking around, quickly devolving into panic as I searched for my puppy. "Balto? Balto?! BALTO!!!!!!" I screamed over the imaginary codec as I fell to my knees in the middle of the kitchen floor, only to immediately notice yet another sticky note stuck to the refrigerator door "oh hey!"

Walking over to the fridge, I plucked off the note and read it.

Before you freak, I sent over Balto to Fluttershy's place for the day to socialize. She said keeping him cooped up is bad for him so I thought it would be good to have him spend some time with Fluttershy and her animals.
~Sunset

"Well I feel stupid now" I said as I looked at the clock once more "11:13..eh I can fit in an episode."

I looked at my watch as I sat patiently at my usual table "11:47...Wade where are you?" I said as I tapped my finger impatiently on the table.

"Sunset? Where are your friends?" I heard the voice of Mrs. Cake say from behind the counter.

I looked over to the worried store owner and smiled "Oh! I'm just waiting for my date. He's supposed to meet me here..." I looked at my watch once more "...in three minutes"

At that moment I saw my date walk in. I waved him over and he quickly took notice and walked over. "Am I late?"

"No. You just made it...barely." I replied as Wade sat down at the table

Back to me! As I sat down at the table I noticed Sunset's tense demeanor. "You okay?"

"Yeah...just a little paranoid about this whole thing. Don't really wanna be seen by anyone from school with you...I already get enough flack as is..." Sunset replied as she scanned the room behind me.

"Ah screw them! If they wanna make judgments about you then they can take it up with me!" I said, waving off the idea. "So, what do you wanna do today?"

Sunset smiled at that "Well we could go back to Potso's. Or would you rather try something else?"

"Eh. I'd rather try somewhere else. Wanna get to know more of the town."

"Fair enough..." Sunset went into deep thought "We could go by the mall. I heard they have this new hobby shop I'd like to check out"

I put my hand to my chin, tapping my finger to my mouth as I contemplated my decision 'What do you guys think?'

"The mall sounds nice."

"Not like we have much of a choice. We barely know this town."

Well, that and the plot demands it. Oh well! "Yeah, I could go for a trip to the mall. The question is, how are we gonna get there?"

Sunset tilted her head in the direction of the front window, motioning me towards it as I looked to see her Firebird parked outside the cafe
"Oh, right."

As the two of us sat in Sunset's Firebird I began to wonder "So Sunset...where'd you get the money for all this stuff?"

Sunset replied, not taking her eyes off the road as she spoke. "When I got to this world the first thing I did was go to a bank and exchange what Bits I had on me. Turns out pure gold coins are worth a boatload in this universe. How did you know I wasn't from this world anyways? I don't remember mentioning it to you."

Out of instinct, I gave the only answer I could think of that wouldn't blow my cover: "Pinkie Pie."

Sunset rolled her eyes at that, before letting out a small chuckle "Figures."

"Why not just tell her the truth?"

Do you really think she would appreciate finding out that her entire life is being watched by millions of people everyday?

Technically HER life isn't since she has yet to appear on the show proper yet.

My point still stands! Just because I'm aware my life is being written by a 21 year old nerd doesn't mean she would want to know who dictates her life!

"Touche..."

Trying to change the subject, I asked another question that had been lingering in my head "So how exactly did you and the girls form an Airsoft team?"

Read Shooting for Friendship.

No one asked you Brad! Besides, that fic isn't even finished yet and it's not even the same universe!

"Dash and I found Pinkie playing with a bunch of airsoft rifles in her garage one day, trying to reenact one of those cheesy action movies. I got interested and after finding out that the others were pretty good at using them we decided to form a team. Took us a year of practice and determination but we eventually made it to the Vancouver Survival Games. The rest is history."

I was about to ask another question, but as soon as I opened my mouth the car came to a halt and I looked out the window to see the mall.

"Zacherle Plaza. We're here." Sunset said as we both got out of the car and made our way to the entrance.

As I followed my date through the halls of the mall, I scanned the multitude of shops that we passed 'Starbucks...Clothing store, Clothing Store, Clothing Store...Ooo Anime shop!...Hot Topic "Never have the stuff we want"...Build A Bear...'

I was snapped out of my daze as Sunset pulled my arm, leading me into a large hobby shop, the name "TW's" written in big bold letters on a sign above the entrance "Wade, can you give me a sec. I need to ask the clerk something. Just look around and stay out of trouble."

I gave Sunset a salute before walking into the aisles of stuff that filled the store. As I walked through the aisles I looked through the many items that lined the shelves, things such as paintball guns, airsoft rifles, remote control planes, boats, and helicopters, as well as model kits, 3-D puzzles, rocket kits, yo-yos, and even some archery shit, but one thing caught my eye. In front of me was a pair of twin airsoft Uzis that, other than the orange tip on the end of the barrel, looked exactly like the real thing. Now, while under normal circumstances I would just take these puppies, no questions asked, but this was different! I couldn't possibly attempt to steal something while on a date with Sunset!

"I will return my sweets..." I said as I stroked the packaging of the twin Uzis. As I turned around to continue browsing the store, I was met by the sight of the Waifu Stealer himself, Flash Sentry...ugh I still feel dirty saying that name. Are you sure I can't just call him Br-

YES! I'M SURE!

Fine! Ugh...writers. Anyways, I immediately took a fighting stance as I looked Flash in the eyes and asked "What is it you want?"

Flash gave me a stern glare, obviously trying to intimidate me. Unfortunately for him, I don't scare that easily. "I want to talk to you about Sunset."

"What do you care? You dumped her a LONG time ago!" I replied with a smug grin. Flash immediately leaned in close, his glare not wavering in the slightest as he spoke in a low tone "You think this is some kind of joke, Wilson?"

"What? Talking to you or dating Sunset? Cause if it's the former then yeah it is definitely a joke!" I said with a laugh.

Flash grabbed me by the collar and held me up close to his face, his forehead touching mine. "Listen Wilson, I don't care who you are! As long as you're dating Sunset, I'll be watching you. And should you break her heart, then I will break your face."

I smirked as I heard Stuffy and Crazy laugh up a storm in my head at the sight of Flash Sentry trying to intimidate me. "Look Flash, I know your trying to be all heroic and stuff by looking after Sunset, and that's cute and all, but when it comes to being intimidating..." I grabbed Flash's left arm, squeezing it causing him to let go of my collar as I twisted his arm and spun him around, holding his arm against his back "Leave it to the professionals."

"ENOUGH!" We both heard Sunset yell as she stood at the end of the aisle, a peeved look plastered on her face, similar to the face Wolvie would look at me with whenever I accidentally kill the wrong guy. "Wade...drop him."

I released my hold from Flash, pushing him away from me in the process as Sunset walked over to her former boyfriend and looked him in the eyes.

"Flash, I know you mean well, but I can take care of myself and should Wade ever get out of line I have my friends to deal with him. Not you." Sunset spoke to the blue haired guitarist, emphasizing the last two words with two pokes to his chest "Now, you should leave, before things get ugly."

Flash took the hint and walked off, shooting me one last sneer as he walked out of the shop.

"Sorry about that, Wade. Ever since last year's Fall Formal Flash has been watching over me like an annoying guardian angel. I've told him to stop but he just doesn't take the hint."

"It's okay. I'm kinda used to being pushed around by people who hate my guts at this point. And trust me when I say there are A LOT of people who hate my guts." I replied with a cheesy grin.

After exiting TW's the two of us made our way to the food court, finding a table and sitting down to talk "So you grew up in Manehattan?"

"Yeah...How do you even know about Equestria?" Sunset asked back

I quickly came up with an excuse in my head but right as I was about to speak Sunset put her finger to my mouth and looked me in the eye
"No Wade. I want the truth."

"Oh boy,"

"Well we're screwed,"

I let out a deep breath before letting out the truth "Well...it's kinda wierd. You see in my universe, you're a TV show. A cartoon called My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic...or at least that's what the main series is called. Your world specifically is from the spinoff movies called Equestria Girls."

"So it's a Digimon Tamers situation. Yeah I can believe that."

I looked at her in disbelief. I honestly expected her to freak out at the idea of being a character on a TV show, let alone relate it to another show! "Yeah...I guess it is. And you're not at all disturbed or shocked by this?"

Sunset shrugged "Not really. After turning into a she-demon, attacking and mind controlling the entire school, and trying to kill five other classmates in the process, and yet NO ONE tried to get me arrested, I'm willing to believe anything."

"Okay next question...How do you know about Digimon?"

Brad...have you been hanging with Sunset?

No Wade. I haven't.

Okay just checking, you Diginerd.

"What Digimon? It's Me and Fluttershy's favorite show!"

I was about to retort only to be interrupted by the sound of Guns and Roses coming from down the hall behind me "Is..is that GNR?"

"You mean Ace's High?" Sunset asked "Yeah I think so...Oh! That must be coming from the arcade! They're having a big Rock Hero tournament today. You wanna check it out?"

"Sure! Let's go!"

The two of us made our way down the hall, stopping in front of the arcade, the name "Dragon Boy" spelled out in big letters above the entrance.

"Sweet! It's one of those old school arcades! I wonder if they have a Fix-It Felix cabinet?" I asked myself as we entered the arcade.

The two of us watched as a boy, probably a year or two younger than Sunset and a girl, who was blocked by the crowd, battled it out on their guitar controllers.

"These guys are good....Hey Wade why don't you give it a shot?" Sunset suggested, nudging my shoulder as well in order to coax me into the idea.

"Alright, alright. I'll do it." I said as the loser, the boy, walked off in shame.

The winning female finally spoke up, and when I say spoke up I mean began bragging and smack talking the crowd "DOES NO ONE HAVE THE RAW TALENT TO CHALLENGE THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRRRIXIE!?"

I raised my hand and stepped up to the controller, putting my right arm through the strap and assuming the stance I had learned from Master Schneebly, my legs spread and guitar in hand "So Trixie, can you take on the Power of the Pool?"

Trixie let out a sneer laugh, like the one you'd hear from a Power Rangers baddie before continuing with the smack talk "Oh you must be Wade Wilson! I've heard so much about you!"

"Oh so you're a fan?" I asked with a smile

"No...I think you're a fool, and THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRRRIXIE will defeat you fool for I am the greatest guitarist in ALL of Canterlot! I shall destroy you in an instant just like the..."

"Wow she REALLY likes to talk!"

Remind you of someone?

Yeah, but I'm funny. She's just...irritating

"Too bad she doesn't have a mute button..."

"... And in the end it shall be TRIXIE who reigns supreme over the talentless peons of Canterlot High! An then TRIXIE shall..."

"GEEZ LADY! SHUT UP!"

"And I thought Rainbow Dash had an ego"

"...And then TRIXIE shall rule over all the world as it's one true leader! HAHAHA HAHAHAHAHA!"

"You done?"

"I am only beginning Wade Wilson!"

"UGH!!!"

"Fuck it! Let's rock!" I said as I scrolled through the list of songs, quickly picking my favorite song while Trixie gloated. Fortunately for her, as soon as I hit play she took notice and took her power stance. "FURY OF THE STORM SUCKAAA!!" I yelled at her as the song came to a start.
The two of us battled it out, Starting out admittedly neck and neck, though Trixie was slowly losing as she lacked my durability on the intro solo. After some time, the chorus came up and we both took a breather. Only for a ridiculousy frantic, but relatively short solo to surface. After some time, a series of single notes came in with a drum beat, and I KNEW what was gonna go down. I had practiced this party so many times, I could do it blindfolded. Granted I would fail in the first few seconds. The solo started out relatively tame, and just got tamer...
UNTIL A MEME TITLE SURFACED.

Let me tell you, if you can ace OMGWTFBBQ, you're on my level. Wait a sec, how did I get all these rad skillz in GH?

Dude...for like two and a half years you played Guitar Hero every single day.

"You were addicted."

"And you just couldn't get enough!"

As soon as the song ended Trixie threw off her controller, forcefully putting it back on it's stand. The crowd also began to disperse, leaving just Me and Sunset.

"You're pretty good at that. I've never seen anyone make Trixie that angry before" Sunset said with a smirk.

"Yeah I got some mad skillz." I replied with a goofy grin on my face.

Sunset punched my shoulder lightly, walking up the other controller and putting it on "How bout one more? Me versus you?"

"Alright. You pick the song."

Sunset scrolled through the song list, picking a familiar song from the list.

"Oooo Freebird! Nice!" I yelled excitedly as the song started and we both began playing. I stared at my side of the screen, concentrating on hitting every note and before long I was in a groove, hitting every note throughout the beginning half of the song, the second half doing my best to hit every note. The song ended and I hollered in joy as I saw my score, a personal best.

"AH HELL YEAH! 95 PERCENT!...What's up?" I asked as I saw Sunset looking at me with a smug grin.

Sunset gestured to the screen and I saw her score. "100 percent...I lost..."

"Gotta love that symbolism"

The fuck are you talking about? What symbolism?

"You lost Freebird dude!"

"More specifically you lost Freebird to Sunset."

How is that symbolic?!

Think about it Wade...You lost FREEBIRD to SUNSET.

Oh...OH! I get it!....Oh shit...

"So Wade...anything else you wanna do here?" Sunset asked, snapping me back to reality

"Oh umm..." I looked around the arcade and spotted an old friend. "Oh! That!" I yelled, pointing to another game.

"Time Crisis?...I guess we could try it. Not really fond of shooters. Were never realistic enough." Sunset replied as I grabbed her hand and led her to the machine. The two of us grabbed our gun controllers and I popped in a few tokens.

As we played our way through the game Sunset watched as I would mindlessly shoot anyone who got in my crosshair without a thought, sometimes yelling taunts at the screen.

"Ummm Wade?" Sunset asked, tapping my shoulder as her character crouched behind a barrier.

"Yeah?" I replied, not even looking away from the screen to respond "HA HA! SUCK IT YOU WORTHLESS GRUNT!"

"You do this kinda stuff for a living right? Taking down criminals, stopping the bad guys, you know. Stuff like that?"

"Yeah." I answered back, my eyes still glued to the screen as we reached the final level. "AH YEAH! FINAL LEVEL!"

"Well...do you ever feel bad about it? I mean some of those people have families, loved ones. And some may not even be bad at all...do you ever feel guilty?"

I went quiet for a moment, finally taking my eyes off the screen and looking my date in the eyes and lowering my controller. "I....I tend not to think about it...so many have been lost because of my stupidity/insanity/both."

"And that's why you talk so much. You want to forget about all the friends you've lost so you just keep talking, never saying anything." Sunset replied with a smile as I saw the game over screen come up on the cabinet window.

I thought for a minute as an idea popped in my head. "Is there a shooting range anywhere in town?"

"Ummm...There's Little Pip's. It's on the edge of town so I've never really been around there." Sunset replied with a look of confusion. "Why?"

I smirked. "Cause screw these toy guns! You want something more realistic, then let's use the real thing!"

"Are you sure? I've never fired a real gun before..." Sunset replied, her body language clearly showing a look of uncertainty and nerves.

"Don't worry about it! I'll show you the ropes!" I replied with a smile and a slap on the back.

"Okay..."

We pulled in to the parking lot, Sunset still showing signs of uncertainty as she twiddled her thumbs as the car came to a stop. "Wade are you sure about this?"

I gave my girl a reassuring smile as I patted her on the back "It'll be fine."

Coming from you, we know it'll go to shit.

SHUT IT BRAD!

The two of us got out of the car and Sunset asked the question that I hadn't even thought of: "So how are we gonna get in? It's not like they're just gonna let in a pair of teenagers."

"How are we gonna get in?"

"Good looks and charm?"

I was about to answer back with a sign of defeat when one of the employees came up to us.

"Are you Wade Wilson?" The man asked.

"Ummm...yes?" I answered back, confused beyond belief.

"Come right this way. We've been expecting you." The man said as he led the both of us in.

I looked at Sunset and said the first thing that came to my mind. "I guess that's how."

The man led us to the range, a pair of 9mm Glock pistols waiting on stands that looked out upon a pair of targets about fifty yards out. I leaned it towards Sunset, whispering with my hand covering the right side of my mouth. "Did you set this up?"

Sunset leaned in as well, whispering back "No! Any ideas who did?"

I looked around, only seeing a man in a red cloak walking out to the parking lot. "No idea."

Sunset shrugged, whispering back. "Might as well take it while we can."

The employee lead us to the stand, handing the two of us the glocks before walking off.

"You ready to 'show me the ropes'?" Sunset asked, holding the pistol carefully.

"Just watch me and repeat." I said as I brought the pistol to firing position, firing off five rounds at the target, hitting it dead center each time.

Sunset brought the gun up to firing position, holding it with one hand as she took five shots at the target in front of her, the first hitting and the other four flying high above the target, two of them hitting the hill a few hundred yards behind

"No no no! Sunset, you gotta hold it with both hands! This isn't an Airsoft pistol!" I said as I leaned in close and corrected her handling.
I looked over her shoulder as she lined up her next shot, pointing at the target as she brought the gun up to firing position once more.

"You wanna line up the sights, just like with the airsoft pistol but this time hold it with one hand on the handle and the other holding the butt of the gun." I instructed her, gently holding her hands in the correct position "Good...now take the shot."

Sunset fired off a couple of rounds, bracing each time as the glock fired off. She shook her head as she looked off at the target, putting the gun
down before jumping in joy as soon as she realized she had hit the target both times. "I DID IT WADE I DID IT!"

I smiled as I watched her celebrate. "Didn't you learn the Weaver technique when you started airsofting?"

"Yeah, but I got so used to using one hand I stopped using it after a while and I thought using the real thing would be the same...guess I had to relearn old tricks. and by the way." Sunset immediately punched my shoulder before continuing "Next time make sure you get me ear protection! My ears are like church bells right now!"

I let out a reluctant laugh "Yeah...sorry about that. I'm just used to the noise of guns at this point, I kinda forgot about your ears."

"Well either way, it was fun, but I think I'm done for now. My hands are sore from the recoil."

I patted her on the back and let out a laugh "Don't worry about it! You'll get used to that after a while, too!"

The two of us left for the parking lot, the employees letting us off with a wave, not even asking for payment which both me and Sunset both replied with a confused look as we exited and made our way to the car.

"That was weird." Sunset finally said as we both sat down in her Firebird.

"Agreed."

"But fun!" Sunset said with a smile "So what next?"

"There a dock in town?" I asked

"Yeah. Larson Bay is a couple of miles away. You wanna do something there?"

I inwardly laughed at the name, replying with a grin. "Wanna skip some rocks on the water? Sunset's gonna be pretty sweet!"

Sunset gave me a confused look as I rolled my eyes and pointed at the setting sun. "Not you! That!"

"Oh! Sure, that sounds good." Sunset said as the car roared to life

The two of us sat on the end of the dock, both of us taking turns skipping stones out onto the water. "You know Wade, this morning I was sure this date would be a disaster, but you proved me wrong. I had a lot of fun today. Maybe I was wrong about you."

"Does this mean we're a couple now?" I asked tossing a stone out onto the water, it skipping a couple times before sinking into the bay.

"Eh...No. But you definitely got to the like status with this date. Keep at it and I might just admit you're not just the guy who knocked me up!" Sunset replied with a gentle smile

"Good enough for me!" I yelled as an achievement box popped up in the corner of my vision as the sun dipped beneath the horizon.

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED: SHE LIKES ME! 20 GP

"We should get home. I need to drop by Fluttershy's to pick up Balto."

Just as the two of us got up the sound of Sunset's cell phone's text alert went off, the device buzzing in her hand.

"What the-" Sunset looked at her phone, a look of realization hitting her face as she read the text "OH CRAP! I TOTALLY FORGOT!"

"What's wrong?" I asked as I chased her to the car

"I totally forgot today is our movie day!" Sunset yelled as we reached the car, fumbling with her keys as she hurried to open the car door.

"Movie night?" I asked, confused by Sunset's worried demeanor as I casually opened the passenger door.

"Every Sunday, me and the girls get together to watch a bunch of movies. It's kinda a tradition we started back when we were training for the Survival Games back in Vancouver! We spent all week nonstop training with squad drills and the Sunday before the Games we decided to take the day off to mentally prepare and we ended up spending the entire night watching movies. Ever since then we get together every Sunday and do Movie Night! And today's is at my place! They're all waiting for me!" Sunset explained as she started the car and hit the gas, driving as fast as legally possible towards the apartment.

The car came to a sudden halt, stopping just in front of the apartment as Sunset slammed the door open and hurried inside, dragging me along with her.

We both made our way up the stairs, catching our breath as we stopped at the apartment door, before entering to see the entire crew, Derpy, Vinyl and Octavia included, waiting in front of the TV.

"Took you two long enough!" Dash yelled as we entered, Rarity smacking Dash on the back of the head for her rudeness.

"Sorry. Me and Wade got a little caught up with things" Sunset apologized "So have we decided on a movie yet?"

"We've so far decided that we want to watch something Disney." Rarity added.

"Dash wants to watch Frozen again." AJ added with a smirk

"FOR THE LAST TIME DASH, NO FROZEN! WE'RE ALL SICK OF IT!" Sunset yelled at the rainbow haired jock.

"Congratulations Rainbow Dash! The editor now hates you!" I told the walking gay banner.

Pinkie let out a hearty laugh as Dash looked at me in confusion.

"Screw Disney! I want Dreamworks!" Vinyl yelled at the top of her lungs.

"All in favor?" I asked, raising my hand in agreement.

The rest of the room raised their hands, save for Dash who refused to agree.

"Darnit Dash! Every single time we have this argument! We're not watching Frozen!" AJ yelled at the Frozen fangirl.

"But it's sooo good! Elsa is such a relatable character!" Dash argued back.

"HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON!" Fluttershy chanted, the rest of the room quickly joining.

"FINE! WE'LL WATCH YOUR STUPID DRAGONS!" Dash yelled, throwing her hands up in defeat.

2 Hours later...

The credits rolled as the movie came to an end, Everyone other than Dash cheering and clapping, while Dash sat in at the end of the couch, pouting like a Brad when DnD doesn't go his way.

I DO NOT!

Face it Brad, your a Salty bitch! Just like Dash!

Do you want to die?

Salt-a-saurus.

The girls got up, saying their goodbyes as they all made their way to the door, Fluttershy putting Balto down in his dog bed as she made her way out.

"Well that was fun!" Sunset said before letting out a long yawn "Night!"

"Night!" I replied as I made my way into my room, laying down on the bed and smiling as I drifted off the sleep.

DATE 1 SUCCESS!

Wouldn't that be Date 2?

QUIET STUF-

Wait!

What?

Before we go I think a round of a applause is in order

"For who? Us not adding to the Wade Fuck up counter?"

No the comments haven't started that yet. I mean for our Editor: Terabyte West! For all the hilarious editing he's done for us! Half the awesometastic jokes in this fic didn't exist until he came along!

Seriously TW thanks! I was only mildly hilarious till you came along!

Comments! I command you to give this Wonderful specimen of a man a proper round of applause!

ANNNNND

FIN!

Gamer Swag

The day started as usual, Me smashing my alarm clock with a hammer as soon as it went off, before Shawn Micheals-ing up out of bed with a thrust of my legs, landing on my feet for a perfect 10 as I bowed to the invisible judges.

"You mean the fourth wall?"

Same thing.

I walked into the kitchen, seeing Sunset sipping a cup of Joe as Balto did his morning laps around the living room floor, a daily ritual he had started after I had him chase that piece of meat back in chapter 3. After making myself a bowl of cereal, I sat down at the table across from Sunset and asked the million-dollar question of the day.

"Sooo...you ready for our first day at school as a couple?"

Sunset rolled her eyes, "What are you talking about? We're not a couple."

I smirked at that. "Well YOU may not see us as a couple, but the rest of the school may see things differently, especially after they saw us on our first official date."

Sunset was about to retort, only to come to a realization. "Oh....crap. You're right..."

The two of us got ourselves ready, making our way to the door and down the stairs only stopping to drop Balto at the end of the chapter as we made our way to the bus stop.

Sunset and I made our way onto the bus, the same jerk yelling his usual comments towards my new girlfriend "HEY LOOK IT'S THE FREAK!"

Sunset rolled her eyes as she sat next to Dash. Meanwhile I slowly approached the wise guy and stared him down, asking one simple question.

"Kid, what's your name?"

"Jerkwad" The boy replied sarcastically.

I smiled happily, taking the boy's answer at face value. "Well Jerkwad, Sunset is my girl now so I'd appreciate it if you stopped calling her a freak."

"Fat chance weirdo! Freedom of speech says I can say whatever I want!" The boy barked, waving me off as the bus began to move once more.

WOW. Y'know, there's a difference between the freedom of speech, and the freedom of being an ass. The latter does not exist, for starters.

Who the hell are you?

I'm the editor. I was given permission to add myself into this circus.

Welcome aboard!

I stared the boy down, narrowing my eyes as I turned to sit next to my girls, Derpy, Sunset and Dash. As I took a seat I looked over to Dash and spoke a single phrase. "I'm going to make his life a living hell!"

"And I'll help!" Dash happily replied, slapping me on the back. "So Sunset, you ready for your first day as a girl in a relationship?"

"We're not in a relationship, Dash!" Sunset asserted, trying as hard as she could to ignore the situation

"Sunset, just because you don't acknowledge it doesn't mean the rest of the school won't." Dash said with a smirk

Sunset let out a long groan and buried her face into her hands "This is gonna suck."

Derpy let out a goofy smile and yelled "YUP!"

Pass the popcorn, I wanna see this crash and burn.

As soon as we stepped off the bus the torture began as everyone who saw us began whispering to each other and either welcoming us with awkward stares, or torturous laughter.

"And this is why we dropped out..."

Because High schoolers are assholes?

"No, because we forgot to wear pants the first day and we became a laughing stock and ditched school the rest of the year

Wade...you're a moron.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we get back to the story?

Fine...

As we walked the crowd slowly dispersed, the other students getting back to their daily tasks. The four of us went our separate ways as we made our way to our classes.

I made my way to my chem class, people giving me weird looks as I walked and I mostly ignored them...until I bumped into a bit of trouble, quite literally

"Hey watch it nerd!" Gilda yelled as I slammed into her.

"I prefer the term internet savvy, thank you" I replied as I picked myself up and dusted myself off.

"Oh...it's you..." the two of us growled at the same time.

"Well, if it isn't Mr. One Night Stand!" Gilda snarked with a sneer smirk "You still with that psycho witch or have you moved on to another freak?"

"You know I really liked you in the show...not sure about you here..." I replied with a grin, hiding my inner fury towards the bully.

Gilda gave me a confused look before laughing it off and continuing to berate me "You must me a nut! Just like that witch to sleep with a fellow freak!"

"Fuck this bitch!"

"Eh...She probably has some sort of inner torment, most bullies do. Or she's just an asshole."

I'm betting on choice number 2!

And I'm betting on choice number 1...and I'm the one writing it, therefore I automatically win.

...Fucking writer....

As Gilda continued to try to insult me, my eyes gravitated towards the sight of a familiar face.

"And your mother was probably some sort of hamster because you smell like-" Gilda continued before I cut her off.

"Gilda, I love you, and I'mma let you finish. Wait, no I won't! BYE!" I yelled as I moved on to the sight of a brown, orangish haired boy with a propeller cap looking longingly at the sight of the signature trio of Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle.

"Hey bro. What ya looking at?" I asked as I propped my elbow against the lockers.

The boy jumped at the sound of my voice, turning to face me, trying desperately to cover up his actions "Oh hey..uhhh sir!....wait...I know that voice...DPX27?" The boy asked.

I froze at the sound of my cross-platform callsign, having successfully hacked my way to connecting all three of my video gaming platforms CAUSE I DON'T GIVE A FUCK!...tried doing my Wii U as well, but apparently Nintendo products are specifically built to keep players from putting foreign wires in them. "Hold the phone....BMasher36?"

Button saluted at the sound of his gamer tag and yelled, "YOUR NIPPON STEEL IS NO MATCH FOR OUR AMERICAN LASERS!"

I gave the fellow gamer a high five. "The latest patch ruined the game though."

"I KNOW! THE ENTIRE BALANCE IS THROWN OFF!" Button yelled in reply, "Frickin' Gaijin ruining the game."

"So what you up to buddy? You spying on the CMC?"

"Ummm..." Button scratched the back of his head in embarrassment, "Yeah..." Button leaned in close an whispered in a low voice "I've been
using my scope to spy on that one." He pointed to Sweetie Belle, doing his best to disguise his actions "She's like a my waifu bro."

"Awww! That's adorable!"

I thought waifus were cross-dimensional... Eh, gaming nerds.

"Young love...so sweet."

I'd ship it.

Like Fedex?

"Damn straight!"

"Brah have you even talked to her? You need to set up a comm link as quick as possible! Or else she'll think your a hunter!" I exclaimed.

"I tried, But every time I get in range those two trolls DT and SS get in the way!"

I always hated those two...

Dude...you haven't seen Season Five yet...

Don't tell me...they make her the victim...

Well yeah...but it's done right!

Bitchy mom?

I swear your like Luke with that shit...

I have my moments.

I grabbed Button by the shoulders and spoke in a clear voice "Brah you NEED to talk to her! Trust me when I say the key to a healthy relationship is communication!"

"Are we really the right guy to be giving love advice?"

"Nope."

Absolutely not.

God forbid you become the idol of picking up chicks.

Damnit guys! I'm trying to be a role model!

Whatever you say, Wade.

Button looked over to his crush before looking back at me and nodding, confidently making his way to his target, gamer swag and all.
"Good luck, comrade." I whispered as I saluted the young gamer before making my way to class.

As I entered the class room I was met by the gazes of the other classmates, all of them clearly aware of the controversy surrounding me.

"Wade....I think they're staring at you." Pinkie whispered to me in the loudest whisper I'd ever heard.

"No shit."

"HEY! BAD CRAY-CRAY! NO BAD WORDS! DO YOU WANT TATS TO STOP READING?!"

Hey, he's indifferent to it. Remember the Wub Masters Vinyl got off of 4chan?

Even still. "Actually Pinkie I'm not sure he's still reading anyways..."

"Awww...I really liked his comments...and his stories...*giggles* I beat up Ares..."

ANYWAYS!

The class went silent as Mr. Neutron walked in and cleared his throat.

"I understand that a certain student has caused quite the buzz with his new relationship status as of late...and I'd like to clear up a few rumors. Mr. Wilson DID NOT sexually assault Sunset Shimmer, nor did he drug her or do anything of the sort. Him and Sunset Shimmer are simply seeing each other out of their own accord and you shall treat them with respect and dignity. Should I or any of my colleges find any student harassing, belittling, or bullying these two, then they will be suspended and be put in permanent detention duty for the rest of the year. AM I CLEAR?!" The chemistry teacher spoke in a stern tone.

The entire class, save for Pinkie and I, did a collective nod before Mr. Neutron gave a goofy smile and moved on. "Good! Now on to today's lesson: exothermic reactions!"

I leaned in close to Pinkie and whispered, "Did I mention Mr. Neutron is my favorite teacher?"

Mr. Neutron, must having the ears of a bat, smiled and gave a hearty, "Well, thank you, Mr. Wilson!"

As Pinkie and I made our way out of chemistry, I saw Button talking up a storm with Sweetie Belle as the two other Crusaders watched in confusion as the two talked in gamer speak.

"SHIP SAILED!"

I was about to walk away, but I was quickly swarmed by the four, Button dragging me into the conversation "Yeah Sweetie Belle! This is DPX! He successfully cross platformed his PS4, Xbox One, AND PC! He's the best Rogue I've ever played with and he plays a mean Scout in TF2!" Button exclaimed, talking as if I was some sort of celebrity.

I shrugged "Hey, when you got home run fever, you got home run fever. Any of you girls play?"

Applebloom stood there, obviously having never touched a controller while Scootaloo replied with a quiet, "I play Pokemon sometimes..."
"Oh! How do you balance your teams? Do you use FEAR Ratattas? P-S Splits? Mega Rayquaza?" Button asked, Scootaloo looking at the gamer in total confusion.

"I just pick the ones that look cool..."

Sweetie Belle on the other hand, spoke up, passionately replying with a loud "OH OH OH! I caught a Shiny Milotic last week in my Black version! Took me five hours to find the darn thing! It was pretty awesome!"

"Sweet!" Button answered the Gamer Girl with a high five.

I looked at the two other Crusaders, flashing them a calm smile, speaking in an understanding tone "It's okay. Hardcore gaming isn't for everyone."

Scootaloo replied with a deadpan "No kidding." but Applebloom on the other hand fought back

"Is that a challenge!?" Applebloom yelled.

"Ummm...no?" I replied.

"Well Ah accept! Ah bet if Me and Scootaloo trained, we could be just as good as you guys!" Applebloom roared.

"Good old Crusader Spirit..."

"We should train them!"

Oh dear...

You know what....YEAH! LET'S DO THIS! "Alright. We'll train you both. Meet me and Button at...his house?" I suggested, looking at my fellow gamer, hoping I wouldn't have to negotiate another unscheduled meet up at Sunset's Place.

"Sure! I'll tell my mom I got some friends coming over and we'll train you! It'll be sweet!" Button replied with a smile.

"AWESOME! CUTIE PATCH CRUSADER GAMERS! YAY!" Sweetie Belle cheered, breaking into her signature voice crack as soon as she hit the
"Yay!"

"Cutie Patch Crusaders?"

"Makes sense. Probably something like the Brownies."

Does that mean I get actual Brownie Points?

No.

Damn....

The five of us split, me heading towards English while the others headed towards whatever classes that they had.

After enduring through the first chapter of Pride and Prejudice in English and breezing through a lesson on the settling of Equestria, I made my way to lunch, sitting with my usual crew, Rainbow Dash included this time, her having joined us after my Goofy Movie performance.

As I sat down Dash was the first to speak, starting off with the topic of the day "So Wade...How was your date with Sunset?"

I rolled my eyes, knowing Dash was not exactly the master of subtlety "It was fine. We went to the mall, visited the arcade where I shredded Trixie in Rock Hero...before losing to Sunset...at Freebird."

Vinyl let out a tense "Oooo" as I mentioned my first defeat to a human in over a year.

"Then we went to the shooting range and I had a moment where I taught Sunset proper gun handling...kinda weird since you guys are champion airsofters..."

"Sunset always preferred the one hand hold. She started using it after we put her in charge of team management." Dash explained.

"Team Management?" I asked.

"You know! Leadership on the field! It gets pretty hectic and Sunset is always calling out orders and using her other hand to give hand signals, thus the one handed grip."

"Hmmm... I guess that makes sense. Anyways, after shooting a few rounds off-"

"How did you get in the shooting range?" Derpy interrupted

I held up my hand to answer, but paused as I really thought about it for the first time.

"How DID we get in?"

Good looks and Charm?

"Nice try bro."

....They let you in.

What's with the pause Brad?

Spoilers.

Ugh....

"I don't really know...We just kinda arrived and they were waiting for us...it was really weird, so I just kinda went with it." I said with a shrug.

"Weird..." Vinyl added, Derpy chiming in as well with a, "That there's some Gravity Falls stuff right there!"

"Anyways after that we went to the bay to throw some rocks...and then you girls called."

"Trust me Wade, when I say that that will tend to happen with us." Dash said with a smartass grin plastered across her face.

"Hey as long as you don't get between me and a moment with my waifu, then we're cool." I answered back.

"No promises" Dash replied with a sly smirk.

Nice to see you have your priorities straight Wade.

Shut it Brad. "Anyways, enough about me. What's happening with you girls?" I asked, desperate to change the subject.

"Well I got a pair of backstage passes to the Wonderbolts show! They're flying their signature triple loopdiloop barrel roll this time! It's gonna be SWEEEET!" Dash exclaimed excitedly.

"They have the Wonderbolts in this universe?"

"Makes the whole Wondercolts thing seem kinda weird..."

Eh...

Derpy spoke up next "I ran into this cute guy with a brown trench coat yesterday..."

Oh dear...Brad you aren't planning to have the Doctor popping in, are you?

Not any time soon..emphasis on 'soon'...

Damn it Brad, we already have enough multiverse cameos planned!

By the way, Terabyte, or, "Corbin", apparently, remind me to talk over the planned villains we're gonna use.

"Hi, Mr. Editor!"

Vinyl was the last to speak up, only whispering her contribution to the conversation "Octy is mad at me again...."

"What did you do this time?" Derpy sighed.

"I DON'T KNOW! All I said was I was too busy working on my music to go to dinner with her and she got all mad! We go to dinner all the time! I don't see the problem!" Vinyl yelled, obviously oblivious to what Octavia was ACTUALLY asking.

"Kinda weird to see Octy being the one asking..."

"I think it makes total sense."

Stuffy...explain....

"Octavia is the one who is confident in this situation. She knows she likes Vinyl but Vinyl is oblivious, too distracted with her regular life to notice Octavia's obvious signs. Therefore, Octavia has to step up and take charge in the relationship."

Huh...that actually makes sense...good job Stuffy *slow claps*

Lunch went on as usual, the four of us talking about the usual teenage shit, whatever rumor Vinyl had heard, Dash's sports exploits, Whatever came to Derpy's head, you know the usual before the bell rang and we went our separate ways.

After a lengthy math class I made my way towards the gym hall...only to run into my nemesis: Flash Sentry...I still hate calling him that.

Get used to it.

I want to help, but I don't think that Brad... Writer Brad, not Brad Brad, will let me.

Anyways, the moment I bumped into the most bland guitarist ever, he immediately grabbed me and dragged me into the mysterious dead end hallway. The same hallway Sunset used to interrogate Twilight.

"Alright Wilson, I'm sick of your bullcrap! You are going to swear to me that you will leave Sunset alone from now on or else!" Flash yelled at me as he held me by the collar.

I on the other hand...was too occupied wondering why this hallway even exists.

"Is it some mistake they left when they built the school?"

"Perhaps it's an extra wing they abandoned halfway through the construction."

Or maybe the builder just needed a place to negotiate his contract...

Maybe this hallway....doesn't actually exist at all. It's just a spacial anomaly.

Oooo spooky!

My guess is they never got to replacing the light bulb.

Flash furiously yelled at me, getting spit all over my face

"WILSON! I AM TALKING!"

"AND I'M NOT LISTENING!" I yelled back. "Seriously bro, you can kiss up to Twilight all you want, she's not going to date you! Newsflash! SHE'S A PONY!"

Flash threw me up against a locker, staring into my eyes with a fury I hadn't seen since I told Twilight there was a book series with her name.

"Flashback?"

Ugh...Fine...

*FLASHBACK! YAY!*

Twilight groaned as I talked with Pinkie in her Treebrary, her having been 'convinced' by Pinkie to let her have a party there.

"And by convinced you mean asked pretty please....over and over."

EXACTLY! Anyways Twilight perked up when I mentioned the book that I am convinced Lauren purposely named her main character after just to screw with the internet.

"So I re read the Twilight series again..and it still-" I said, The Purple Alicorn interrupting me halfway through my sentence.

"There's a book series named Twilight?!" Princess Twilight asked, Me instantly regretting the next words that came out of my mouth.

"Yeah! I have the whole series!"

Twilight jumped me, pinning me to the ground, her face centimeters from my face...and not in the good way "GIVE ME!"

I looked to Pinkie, regretting all my life choices as I pulled the books out from my magic satchel.

"And then everypony died?"

"Thankfully not."

"MINE!" Twilight yelled before proceeding to throw us both out of the Library, locking the door behind us.

"Wade...what have you done?" Pinkie asked.

Three hours past...and then the Treebrary exploded.

What?

Watch Season 4 man...

What? Does Tirek come back and blow up the library?

.....yes.

Wait really?!...I don't know whether to be excited for Tirek or sad for the library. They fix it right?

Nope...They replaced it with a crystal castle that was totally made to sell toys.

DAMN YOU HASBROOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*END FLASHBACK! Yay?*

"WILSON! STOP IGNORING ME!" Flash roared.

"Isn't anyone else hearing all this?"

Again...spacial anomaly

I looked back at Flash with a serious demeanor, finally responding to the Blue haired guitarist...Brad isn't there any other way to describe this guy?

Sadly...No.

Damn...That's harsh. Either way... "Look Flash, let me ask you this: What would happen to Sunset if I just left her? Who would be her child's father? I understand you being protective but I can't just leave her to raise her kid on her own."

Flash went into thought, only getting madder in the process, "Well I can't just let you ruin her life! Sunset has problems you won't have a solution to! She's more then just some chick you can bang Wilson!"

"Is that really what you think I see her as? I'm more than just some player Sentry. As much as it seems the opposite, I do care about her. I'm still working on it but her and the girls are the first people other than Pinkie to see me as a genuine friend in my life! Just because I knocked her up doesn't mean I don't care FLASH!" I shouted back.

The two of us stared each other down, literal electricity sparking between our faces. The stare down lasted a couple of minutes until the soft voice of reason interrupted our man off.

"Ummm...excuse me. Am I interrupting something?"

The two of us looked over to Fluttershy, both of us acting cool before Flash walked off in anger.

"Thanks Fluttershy. That could have gotten ugly if you hadn't stepped in like that..." I spoke as I fixed my collar.

"It's okay. I was looking for you anyways." Fluttershy replied with a content smile.

"What do ya need?"

"Well I wanted to thank you. I just turned in my first big assignment for Art class and the teacher said that she liked it so much that she wanted to have it put in the art gallery in the hall!" Fluttershy exclaimed speaking as loud as I'd ever heard her speak full sentences, although it only came out as loud as normal speaking volume.

"You see? I told you you were awesome! And to think you doubted me!" I happily replied, giving Fluttershy a high five as well.

"What were you and Flash talking about?" Fluttershy asked, returning to her normal whisper as she looked behind me at the mystery hallway that I had been fighting with Flash in.

"Oh he's been trying to scare me away from Sunset, trying to be the hero and all. Does he have some thing for Sunset I don't know about?"

"Well back when we were still in Middle School he and Sunset were kind of inseparable. I mean this was back before Sunset turned into a big bully, which is why they broke up but ever since then Flash has always been a bit protective of her. You getting Sunset pregnant must have really ticked him off." Fluttershy explained "...Have you tried explaining the situation to him?"

"I mean I tried just a minute ago to explain that I can't just leave Sunset to raise her child alone, but it just got him even more mad." I said with a frustrated sigh.

"Then I'd just avoid him from now on. If he won't listen to reason then I don't think he's going to be anything but a meanie to you."

"Yeah...Probably a good idea." I replied as I caught a glimpse at the clock on the wall. "OH CRAP! I GOTTA GET TO CLASS!"

I ran into the gym hall, barely making it as the bell rang milliseconds after I rushed through the hallway doors. As I took a second to catch my breath, the voice of my favorite cowgirl speaking up."Ya know if you keep this up Wade, Mr. Sargent is gonna hound you like a Border Collie to a mischievous sheep.

"Eh, I'll be fine-"

"WILSON! EITHER YOU GET TO CLASS ON TIME OR I'LL HAVE TO ASSIGN YOU TO CLEAN UP DUTY FOR A WEEK! NOW GET YOUR GYM UNIFORM
ON AND GET TO CLASS!" The two of us heard our drill- I mean teacher yell from the other end of the hallway.

"CRAP..."

I made my way through the crowd of guys that filled the boys locker room, the room filled with the smell of sweat and AXE body spray.

"Didn't they ban that shit in schools?"

"Apparently not in this one."

I finally got to my locker, opening it and grabbing the gym shirt and shorts, which my teacher apparently made mandatory...the frickin stickler...and slipped off my regular clothes, preparing to chuck them in before I noticed something unusual. Attached to the back of the locker was a yellow sticky note, writing scribbled onto it "Weird..."

I picked off the note, bringing it up to my face and reading it.

Congratulations on the baby. I think you'll be a great...

The rest was scribbled over, although it was clear that there was about a sentence more there, along with a name.

"WHY IS EVERYTHING SO FUCKING OMINOUS!"

"At least this time it wasn't threatening..."

Still ominous...and a bit creepy. Brad you gonna explain this shit?

Nope.

God damnit...

I slipped the note into my backpack, shoving it along with my clothes into the locker and making my way to the gym.

As Applejack and I made our laps we talked about what I had seen "So you're sure you don't know who wrote the note?"

"Eeyup. No idea. Definitely not one of the students. No one would know your locker combo." AJ replied.

"And it wouldn't be any of the staff. They wouldn't of scribbled it out if it was....The plot thickens I guess?"

"Eeeyup."

The two of us finished up or laps before making our way back to the far side of the gymnasium, where our class was taking place as Mr. Sargent began yelling orders- I mean instructions.

"ALRIGHT CLASS TODAY WE'RE GONNA BE RUNNING THE MILE! YOUR TIME WILL DETERMINE NEXT WEEKS TEAMS FOR SOCCER! THOSE WHO MAKE IT IN UNDER 7 MINUTES WILL BE PUT ON THE RED TEAM AND THOSE WHO DON'T WILL BE PUT ON THE BLUE TEAM! ANY QUESTIONS?!"

"That doesn't seem very fai-" I spoke, only to be interrupted by the Sergeant.

" I SAID QUESTIONS WILSON! WAS THAT A QUESTION?!"

"No..."

"WELL THEN SHUT YOUR TRAP! ANYONE ELSE?!"

"Wow...He just succeeded at doing that few can claim...Shutting up Deadpool."

"This man deserves a medal!"

I'm pretty sure he already has one...a couple actually.

"WILSON GET RUNNING!"

I looked to see the others already making their way to the field outside, Applejack waiting by the door, motioning me to hurry up "Oh...crap!" I ran to the door, catching up with the rest of the class as we took to the track. The Sergeant blew his whistle as soon as we took our positions and we all took off on our first lap. I quickly made my way to the front of the pack, running past Flash and joining up with AJ and Scoots "AJ, remind me to avoid Sentry over there."

"Why?" Applejack asked in confusion.

"Let's just say he and I aren't on good terms."

"Oh...I got ya. "AJ replied with a thumbs-up.

"So Wade, what games are we gonna play at Button's?" Scootaloo asked as we made our first lap around the track.

"Well it depends...What are you most familiar with?"

"Well I am pretty good at fighting games. Mostly Mortal Fighter and stuff like that." Scootaloo replied as she recalled her previous gaming experiences.

"Mortal Fighter?"

"So, Street Fighter...but with more gore?"

That sounds awesome....At least Scootaloo is versed in Video Game violence.

I'm not sure that's a good thing, Wade.

For our purposes it is. Video Game violence is an essential part of a gamer's experience.

"I would argue otherwise...but he's not wrong in that statement."

"Well I don't really think Applebloom would like those types of games...You play any Smash?"

Scootaloo smiled at that "Oh yeah! I rock as Captain Falcon!"

"I always saw her as more of a Samus."

"Nah, She's totally a Ryu!"

They added him?

Yeah. Him, Cloud, and Bayonetta were the three new outsiders they added, along with fan favorites like Mewtwo, Lucas, and Roy...and another Fire Emblem Character named Corrin.

Geez. So essentially Smash has become the new Soul Caliber...huh.

"What are y'all talkin about over there?" AJ asked at the mention of her sister's name.

"Oh, Wade and Button are gonna train us crusaders in gaming!" Scootaloo added happily, much to my dismay.

Applejack gave me a serious stink eye, asking me with a stern demeanor,"Wade...you aren't gonna be showin' ma sister all those violent shooters like that game Call of Duty are you?"

I let out a laugh at the sound of that horrid game series, the laugh quickly devolving into a nervous chuckle as AJ continued to give me the stink eye, "No AJ. Gamers like Button and I detest games like COD. We prefer TF2 and Red Orchestra 2, where the battles are either cartoony or realistic. COD is just a glorified shoot em up with multiplayer! I stopped playing that shit after World at War!"

"Ah guess that's okay...but if Ah find out y'all been teaching my sister to be a ruthless murderer then I'll be the first to kick your butt to the curb." Applejack replied with a stern tone, as if she was a police officer talking to a delinquent child....Why does that make so much sense when I think about it?

"Because you are a delinquent child."

"Because you're a terrible role model!"

Because you regularly disobey the laws of society!

Because you're asking your audience! Do you know how many trolls reside in the comments section?

Well thanks for the support...assholes.

"Applejack, you do realize there has never actually been a proven link between video games and real life criminals, right?" Scootaloo added.

"Ah know. I just don't want you gamers to influence my little sister to do something she'd regret...like all the other times."

Scootaloo let out a nervous chuckle, I assume due to the Crusaders' previous escapades in this universe. Brad we ever gonna see those?

In this fic...probably not. Maybe in the spin off.

"Spin off?"

"WHAT SPIN OFF?!"

I'd love to tell you...but we haven't gotten there yet.

Damn it Brad! Ugh...whatever. Promise you'll tell us when it's time?

I promise I'll tell you when I tell everyone else.

Fine...

ANYWAYS!!!!

We came up on our third lap, Scootaloo, AJ, and I leading the pack with Flash following close behind as he tried to catch up to me.

"Is he following us?" Scootaloo asked.

"Ah'm pretty sure all of them are following us Scootaloo" AJ deadpanned. "But he does seem a bit more determined than the others. Never seen the boy run that long. He's usually a pretty slow guy."

"Oh he's slow alright..." I muttered under my breath, "Too slow to catch the hint that Sunset doesn't like him anymore."

As we took to the fourth lap the gap between us and the other runners grew, the three of us ending up lapping some of the slowest runners. I tried my best to mentally pick out every character that I recognized from the show, something I had made a game out of in the past week playing against the voices in my head.

"Look! There's Lyra! Five points to Crazy!"

"And over there is Big Mac. Ten points to me!"

And I spy a Luna through the far window! Fifty points!

Do you guys even have rules for this game or are you just making it up as you go?

Well Duh! Don't worry Brad! I'll put the rules in the Author's Notes!

Waste of space. I'll let you make a blog entry about it.

Fair enough.

Here you go people: https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/595224/deadpools-eqg-drinking-game-guaranteed-to-get-you-shitfaced-in-less-then-the-halfway-point-of-the-first-movie

The three of us finally made it across the finish line, being the first to do so. We were followed by Flash, who AJ stepped in the way of in order to keep the peace.

"Five twenty three....Not bad you three. That's gonna be hard to beat later on but you definitely proved me wrong." Mr. Sargent said in a clam tone, quickly returning to his normal drill sergeant demeanor, ,"NOW GET TO BACK TO THE GYM BEFORE I GIVE YOU ALL THREE MORE LAPS!"

I stood in the crowd of students waiting for the buses, searching through the sea of people to find my Brother in Arms, Button Mash. I finally spotted him, seeing his waving arms on the other side of the hall as I made my way towards him.

"Sergeant Wilson! Lance Corporal Mash reporting for duty!" Button yelled over the noise of the crowd making there way to the buses as he stood in salute.

"At ease Lance Corporal Mash. I have a mission for you." I spoke in a mock serious tone.

"And what would that be, Sergeant Wilson?"

"I want you to collect Private Bloom, Private Wing and Private First Class Belle while I talk to the lieutenant." I looked over to the clock on the wall behind Button, checking the time."Meet me at 1500 hours in front of the Academy by the flag post. Do you understand Lance Corporal Mash?"

My fellow soldier stood tall, saluting and answering with a hearty "YES SIR!" before walking off to find the others.

"Good man...Now I just need to tell Sunset where I am." I spoke to myself as I pulled out my cell phone and began texting my roommate.

Hangin with frends 2nite. B back late

What friends? You mean Pinkie?

No. Hangin with the Crusaders at a frend's named Button Mash. We gamer frends.

Can you please speak in normal grammer? I can barely read your texts

No can do Suns3t. I R on te interwebs. Must talk in 1337 Speek or Joke will not B funny. K?

Whatever. Just make sure you come home at a decent time. I don't want to wake up tired tomorrow after having to deal with you.

K Bai!

I put my phone away and made my way to the front of the school, sitting in front of the flag pole as I waited for the four Middle Schoolers.

I sat there for about half an hour, looking at my watch/holocommunicator periodically as I waited.

"1458...1459..." I spoke as I watched the minutes tick by, finally hearing the sounds of the four youngsters making their way through the door of the school "1500 hours...You're on time Lance Corporal Mash."

Button stood in attention, saluting to me as he nudged the other three girls to do so. Sweetie Belle joined in eagerly, as well as Scootaloo who gave more a confused look than one of a soldier. Applebloom on the other hand did not, instead yelling,"WHAT DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH GAMIN'?"

I turned to the red haired farmgirl, speaking in a firm, yet silly tone, sounding a lot like R. Lee Ermey doing an exaggerated impression of himself "The first rule of Gaming is discipline. A true gamer knows how to deal with the stress and emotional chaos of hardcore gaming. It takes more than mad skillz and corporate sponsors to be an elite gamer! Today we will be learning the basics of hardcore gaming: Discipline, Teamwork, Focus, and most importantly....Practice. As is with every skill, gaming is a craft that is honed by hours of training. Your thumbs will tire. Your rage will build. Your skillz will grow. You three, Private Bloom, Private Wing, and Private First Class Belle, will become a lean mean gaming machine. You will conquer the leaderboards. You will overcome the trolls. You will smite the hackers! You will become...THE GAMING CRUSADERS! DO YOU UNDERSTAND MAGGOTS?!"

Once again Button, Sweetie, and Scoots stood attention, saluting proudly and answering in a clear voice, though Sweetie Belle did end up coming out as more of a squeak."YES SIR!"

Applebloom on the other hand just rolled her eyes and followed as the four of us marched across the street.

Lance Corporal Mash led the way, leading our march west two blocks away from the school, stopping in front of a one story house, curiously similarly designed to the cots back in Ponyville...only smaller of course.

"Sir, we have arrived at our designated rendezvous point. Shall we proceed?" The gamer boy asked, once again standing attention and saluting.

"Indeed Lance Corporal Mash. Let us enter the Barracks." I spoke in my mock military officer impression.

The five of us entered Button's house, Button immediately yelling at the top of his lungs to his mother "MOOOOOM! I BROUGHT FRIENDS!"

It was then we saw her and HOLY SHIT SHE'S A MILF!

"Fan art?"

Couldn't find any good ones. There's like one EQG picture of her on DeviantArt and it's ...eh...

WHAT?! HEY FANDOM! GET THE FUCK TO WORK ON THAT! THIS BITCH BE SMOKIN! And remember fans, my thoughts do not reflect the
personal opinion of the writer! Just because I have no standards and would screw a tree if I thought it was coming on to me doesn't mean Brad would do the same....although Brad does agree she be smokin.

WADE!

"She certainly has curves...among other things"

Remember Wade. You're dating Sunset.

I know!.....but still....Dayum!

"You must be Button's friends! Nice to meet you all! My name's Elaina but you can just call me Mom." Button's mom said with a motherly smile.

I tried to come up with a reply but the only thing that came out was a resounding "huminahuminahumina...."

"UGH! COME ON SERGEANT!" Button groaned as he dragged me down the basement stairs and into his gamer cave.

"She was nice!" Sweetie Belle added as we made our way down the basement stairs.

"I'LL MAKE YOU ALL COOKIES FOR LATER!" Button's mom yelled down the stairs before closing the door behind her.

Is that close enough to brownies, Wade?

YEP!

"Whoa..." Scootaloo said as she scanned the gamer paradise.

The basement was filled to the brim with everything a gamer needed to survive. A Desk top, personally customized with one of those weird super mouses along with a custom built tower and a screen twice as large as normal and resolution that most TVs don't have. There was three High Def High Res flat screens set up side by side on the far left wall, each with their own console connected to them and each sporting five controllers each. The far right wall had bookcases from wall to wall, all lined with either carefully organized games, each shelf storing different console games, or older consoles, from the Old School Atari to the last gen consoles, all in mint condition and carefully organized by generation and maker. I was pretty sure that this was the only thing in the room that was kept organized as the rest of the room was filled with either chairs, a couch that had obviously seen better days, and trash galore, mostly consisting of empty juice boxes and pizza boxes along with the stray wrapper or two.

"Where the heck did you get all the money for all this stuff?!" Applebloom asked, amazed by all the tech surrounding her.

"I play a lot of tournaments." Buttton replied with a smug grin.

"You need to clean up after yourself, Button." Sweetie Belle added, whipping her finger along the closest chair.

"Eh, that can wait. We need to get to business!" Button replied, waving off his crush and jumping over and onto the couch.

The girls joined him as I walked in front of the four of them and made my first order of the night "Alright maggots, the first step to becoming gaming legends is to create a persona. Private First Class Belle! I assume you have an account?"

Sweetie Belle perked up "Oh yeah! I can bring it up if you want!"

"Not necessary Private First Class Belle, that just means we can skip you. Private Wing! Private Bloom! We need to make you a gamer persona!"

"How do you even know my last name?" Scootaloo asked.

"Ummm...THAT'S NOT IMPORTANT! We need to create accounts for each console...well except the Wii...because Nintendo's weird. We can just create one of those creepy Miis for that."

The next hour went by, Private Wing and Private Bloom creating accounts on each of the consoles, making sure that all their account data was documented in Button's gamer notebook so we don't lose any of the accounts like Brad did with his two Xbox Live accounts..did you ever get those back?

Nope. Lost all my DLC and progress on my games...and there was a lot of it.

Your fault for using an e-mail that you stopped using years ago.

Wade...just get back to the story before I decide to stop writing.

Dude...that's not funny.

ANYWAYS!

I stood proud as I held a blade out in front of me "Private Wing..I dub thee Nightfury75389." I said as I passed my katana's blade over her head.

I moved over to Applebloom and did the same "Private Bloom...I dub thee Crusader4Life5001."

I put my blade back into my magic satchel, sitting down on the couch next to Private Wing.

"Wait..wasn't that a real sword?"

Was it?

"Yes."

Well...that could have gotten a hell of a lot darker.

Trust me Wade...this story will.

"STOP BEING SO FUCKING OMINOUS!"

"And you're still not using the Tragedy tag?"

Stuffy there's a difference between a story being dark, and it being a tragedy. Being dark is when a story has a moment where the tone changes to something much more grim than the rest of the story which this story will have A LOT of later on. Being tragic is when a story or character is depicted as having tragic traits like suffering or constant torment which this story's overall tone does not depict. KNOW THE DIFFERENCE!

Touche...wait doesn't that make Sunnyside a tragic character?

Yes, but that still doesn't give me a reason to use the Tragedy tag. The reason being that Sunset will overcome her tragic traits. Her story is of redemption not tragedy, despite that redemption requiring tragic traits to begin with. Got it?

"Got it."

"Got it!"

Got it.

Learned!

Good. Now back to the story.

"Can we start playing now?" Applebloom asked, annoyed by our antics.

"Yeah! Let's get gaming! What are we playing first?" Scootaloo asked eagerly.

I looked over to the clock, reading 6:30 "Well soldiers, I planned for us to spend 2 hours on each game but it seems our battle plan has changed. We were going to play some War Thunder first but it seems that we've run out of time to do so along with the other games...Well as Egoraptor would say...IT'S TIME TO MOTHER*BLEEP*ING SMASH!" Brad....did you just bleep me?

Yup. No swearing around the Crusaders.

BULL*BLEEP*! YOU MOTHER*BLEEP*ER! JUST BECAUSE YOU CONTROL MY *BLEEP*ING FATE DOESN'T GIVE YOU THE *BLEEP*ING RIGHT TO *BLEEP*ING *BLEEP* ME! I HAVE *BLEEP*ING RIGHTS! *BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP*

Actually Wade...it does.

I *Bleep*ing hate you right now.

"JUST FUCK ALREADY!"

What?! NO! GOD NO! Wait...WHY DOESN'T HE GET BLEEPED?!

Cause the others can't hear them.

Lucky *Bleep*s.

Lance Corporal Mash waved his hand in front of my face, snapping me back to reality "Hey, Sergeant Wilson, you ready?"

"Oh right, sorry. Kinda spaced out there. You soldiers ready to smash?"

The three of them gave a hearty "YES SIR!", save for Private Bloom, who just rolled her eyes.

"Can Y'all just pick your characters?"

We all embaressedly brushed ourselves off and picked our characters, Lance Corporal Mash going straight for the Pro favorite Sheik, Private First Class Belle picking the adorable A tier Pikachu, Private Wing picking the pro newcomer Ryu, While Private Bloom ended up choosing the less than smart DK and I settled for the Pro classic Fox.

Can I point out that Sonic is much better in this ga-

NOBODY CARES!

The next two hours passed by with sounds of yelling, cheers, slow claps, and lots and lots of advice for Private Bloom. While the three veterans of the group held the advantage early on, as soon as I told Scoots that she could use Ryu's classic controls she began her slow rise to the top of the card, while Private Bloom seemed to be stuck at the bottom of the rankings.

"This is stupid! You guys are all way too good! Can we play something else?!" Private Bloom argued.

"Rage Quit capacity at 25 percent."

Keep me posted Ghost Nappa.

"It has been two hours. What else do you have planned Commander?" Sweetie Belle asked.

I looked over to Button Mash and asked "TF2?"

"TF2!"

After a complicated rewiring of the computer,Button Mash and I set up the TVs, each screen displaying a different player's display, and after hacking the game, we handed each of the Crusaders a keyboard, giving the two newbies a crash course in PC gaming.

After about an hour of going through the basics and a ton of practice rounds, each of us settled on a class, and we started our first online game.

"Alright soldiers, here we go. We're playing Capture the Intelligence."

"Don't you mean Capture the Flag?" Applebloom asked

"Not in this game. TF2 has an intelligence briefcase, not a flag. Anyways looks like the we're on Double Cross. Good. Alright here's the plan, Private Wing you're going Heavy right?"

"Yup! I'm the Babe with the Bullets!" Scootaloo yelled excitedly.

"Good. Private First Class Belle will be on support for you as a Medic, so wait for her to build up that sweet, sweet Uber and then ride that invincibility across that bridge" I ordered in a stern tone.

"What do I do in the meantime?" Scootaloo asked

"Just keep the Blue scum from getting across the bridge."

"Sooo...Spray?"

"Exactly."

"Isn't that cheatin'?" Applebloom chimed in.

"No. It's strategy." I answered the critic.

"What about me?" Button asked.

"You're next. You'll be our infiltrator. You go Spy and cloak your way through the sewer and into the Blue base, decloaking in the refuse room, outside the Blue Intel room. Get that Intel back to the Rendezvous point on the other side of the bridge, then we'll give you cover for the rest of the way."

"What about me?" Applebloom asked.

"Bloom" I put my hands on her shoulder, speaking to her in a clear voice "You're the linch pin in this operation. You're going to be our Sniper. Your job is to countersnipe any enemy Snipers from the Red battlement. I'll be running interference as the Scout so you need to keep us from getting headshotted. Can you do it?"

"I think..."

"Good...NOW LET'S GET THAT BRIEFCASE!" I cheered, the entire room letting out a resounding "YES SIR!"

The plan worked like a charm, Sweetie Belle racking up Uber while happily healing any other teammate Soldiers and Demomans while they pushed their way across the bridge, her and Private Wing leading the final push with their Uber charged Heavy while I kept the Blue Team distracted with my high speed harassment from my bat and shotgun. Private Bloom did her best to keep enemy snipers from taking out our team mates, getting herself taken out a couple of time...Ghost Nappa what we at on the Rage Quit meter?

"Rage Quit meter at 45% and holding."

Good. And while each of us did get killed ourselves a fair share of times, the death counter being 11 for Private Bloom, 13 for Private Wing, her having the most exposure to enemy fire, 7 for Private First Class Belle, 3 for Lance Corporal Mash and 15 for me, since I was the only one purposely running into the crossfire, we all stuck to the plan and as the Announcer Woman called out the final fifteen second mark of the match, Button made his final dash across the bridge, sprinting as the rest of the team provided cover fire, the team speak erupting as he made it across the bridge, only slightly damaged from enemy fire, making it back to the Red Intel room as the final three seconds counted down

OMG BMasher36 MVP!

THAT WAS AMAZEBALLS!

CONGA LINE CELEBRATION NEXT MATCH!

The RED team chat went by, some even calling it Match of the Year, but I'd doubt that as the internet tends to overreact to pretty much everything. After about three minutes of joy fueled celebration, the five of us settled down back into our seats as I looked over to the clock, it reading 8:35.

"Eh...Hey Lance Corporal Mash, how late we going to?"

"Well my mom goes to bed at 10 so...9:30 I guess?"

"Cool. You girls up for one more game?"

"Yup!"

"Let's do this!"

"Eeyup!"

"Alright...let try something a bit more easy to set up. LFD2 anyone?" I asked.

"What's LFD2?" Applebloom asked

"Left For Dead 2! It's easy AB! You just mow your way though a horde of zombies across the map to each safe room and then make your escape on the various vehicles that are at the end of each campaign!" Sweetie Belle cheerfully explained.

"Well I guess it's okay if their zombies...I still feel a little uncomfortable shooting people..." Applebloom nervously spoke.

"EAT BULLETS YOU ZOMBIE CREEPS!" Applebloom zealously yelled as she mowed down a group of infected.

After consideration for the newbies, we settled on the No Mercy campaign, seeing it as a easy way to get the girls immersed into the characters. I decided to take a backseat, letting the kids have a little fun while I munched on day old pizza and watched. After bashing though the apartments, the gang made their way through the subways, having little trouble taking down their first witch, which Private Bloom had mistaken for a jockey, having not gotten used to the sound cues for each Special Infected.

"Rage Quit capacity at 75%"

Thanks Ghost Nappa. And while they did get a bit lost in the sewer, Private Wing saying,"This portion is just there to piss you off!" they eventually made it out, pulling a mad dash for the Hospital. And after dealing with the elevator horde, the team made it to the roof, calling the helicopter.

"Alright! Now we just need to hold them off and we're home free! I'll get on the minigun on the roof!" Scootaloo yelled as she made her way up the stairs.

"I guess I'll OH CRAP!" Sweetie Belle yelled as she got pounced by a hunter.

"GET OFF MY GIRL YOU HOODIE FREAK!" Lance Corporal Mash yelled as he unloaded his AK into the hunter.

"Thanks Button" Sweetie Belle said as he picked her up, giving the lucky gamer a peck on the cheek.

Button only blushed as the two other crusaders made fake gagging noises.

"THE HELICOPTERS HERE! EVERYONE GET TO THE-" Applebloom was cut off, as she watched her character get hit by a Charger, who proceeded to ram her up the ramp to the landing pad, and off the roof, killing her instantly.

The entire room burst into laughter, save for Applebloom herself who had become beat red and had steam coming from her ears.

"RAGE QUIT AT 10000% IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND WADE! IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND!"

I know this technically isnt, but... IT'S MAHVEL, BAYBEE

Oh crap...

"THIS IS BULLCRAP! I WAS THIS CLOSE TO WINNING!" Applebloom raged as she proceeded to throw her controller onto the ground and storm up the stairs.

The laughter slowly came to a halt, the others quickly noticing that they had all in fact died at that point.

"I think this is a good place to call it. My parents will want me home soon." Sweetie Belle spoke up, making her way towards the stairs.

"I'll walk you home!" Button yelled, chasing after his crush.

"Yeah... that was fun. We should do this again. See you tomorrow Wade!" Scootaloo said as she followed the others example and made her exit.

That was fun. Let's make this a thing okay Brad?

Planned to do that anyways but okay.

I made my way up the stairs, waving goodbye to the resident MILF before walking out the door and staring down the street.

"I wonder..."

I tried to teleport all the way back to the school, only ending up about a block from my initial position outside Button's barracks.

"So that's my teleport range...good to know." I said as I started the slow walk towards the apartment.

"Why not just teleport?"

Okay. I started my slow teleport towards the apartment.

*THUD*

I ported from block to block, finally making to the apartment after about three minutes of teleporting, exhausted from the constant porting. "You see Crazy...this is why we don't just teleport everywhere." I muttered as I walked up the stairs.

As soon as I made it to the door of the apartment, I leaned up against the door to catch my breath, only to fall on my face as Sunset opened it on me.

"Damn...I never thought I'd see you out of energy. You seem to have an endless supply when you're flapping your lips." Sunset snarked.

"Very...funny...Sunshine...if you don't excuse me...I'm going to bed." I said as I teleported one last time into my room, before laying down in my bed and falling right to sleep.

Author's Note

Finally done. Tats I kid. I love your stories. Seriously guys check him out. He's a really chill dude.

And for you readers, keep reading and find out what happens NEXT TIME ON THE EQUESTRIA GIRL'S ADVENTURES OF DEADPOOL!

Ain't all that Shimmers

"GAH!"

I shot up, awakening from yet another nightmare induced by the memory of the events of last year's Fall Formal. Ever since Twilight and the girls blasted me with the Elements of Harmony, I have been having monthly nightmares about it all, ranging from simply reliving the events that transpired, to more graphic imagery such as me actually succeeding at what I had planned. And while the nightmares had gotten less frequent in the passing months, it seems this whole pregnancy thing had brought them back in full swing.

I brushed away the tears from my eyes, looking over to my bedside table where my electronic alarm clock sat. Looking at the clock I read the time aloud, as I did every time this happened. I don't really know why I did it, but it just kinda became part of this dreaded routine that I was stuck in.

"3:00....great...."

I threw my blanket off, sitting up on the side of the bed as I thought over the nightmare I had awoken from.

"Why do these nightmares keep happening?! I'm not a monster! My friends believe that! My teachers believe that! Tartarus, even Princess Twilight believes it! But I.....I'M NOT A MONSTER! I'M NOT!" I yelled to myself, trying to convince myself of the fact, something I had been trying to do for over a year at this point. I looked down, holding my stomach "I can't be...."

I had been trying my hardest not to think about it at this point but I knew deep down that in a couple of months, I'd be a mother. A mother....There's something I never thought I'd be calling myself. I mean it's not like I had much of a family of my own growing up. Mom and Dad died back in Manehatten when I was just a foal...and She couldn't ever have been considered a parent to me, under any conditions...which reminds me...

I reached over to my bedside desk, pulling open the single drawer and pulling out a familiar book. "Dear Princess....What would I even start with? Thanks for nothing? I certainly don't miss her, after all she's the reason all this happened. If she hadn't-"

I was interrupted by the sound of an acoustic guitar coming from Wade's room. Curious, I got out of bed and silently made my way to his door, putting my ear to the door as I listened.

"Damn it Slash! You make this look so easy!" I heard Wade yell as he strummed his guitar. "I swear I can play any rock song under the sun, and yet GnR is my Achilles heel. I just wanna make Sunshine like me! Why does love have to be such a pain in the ass!?"

I chuckled lightly at that. As much crap as I give Wade, you can't say he's not determined. It reminds me a lot of myself in a way, trying your
hardest just to get people to like you, despite past mistakes.

Listening back to Wade, I heard him sing in a soft tone a song I hadn't heard before

They say before you start a war, you better know what you're fightin' for, well baby you are all that I adore. If love is what you need, a soldier I will be-

I fell back, being awoken by the jolt as Wade opened his door.

"Shit!" I yelled as I hit my head on the floor.

"What are you doing?" Wade asked as Balto ran towards us, awoken by the sound of my voice

"I heard you playing your guitar last night, so I went to tell you to go back to bed, but ended up falling to sleep at the door."

"Oh...okay. You have anything planned for today?" Wade asked.

"No. Why? You aren't having anyone over are you?"

"Well, I got some stupid English paper I gotta do and Vinyl and Derpy have the same assignment from a different teacher so I thought I'd Invite them over to hang and do work" Wade replied innocently.

I let out a groan, something I have been doing a lot lately. For the majority of the past 9 days Wade has been unexpectedly inviting people over to my apartment, whether I agree or not. And while I do appreciate others keeping Wade occupied instead of me having to deal with him, I would really like my apartment back to myself. I sighed at that thought. Like I'm ever going to have anything to myself ever again. Between sharing my stuff with Wade and the kid on the way, Alone time is not something I will have a lot of. At least Balto doesn't talk. I wonder if this is what The Cakes felt like back when Pinkie lived in their Guest room. "Yes...work. Like you'll get any of that done with you and Vinyl in the same room."

"We'll do it! I bet you a hundred bucks that we will finish the paper by the end of the night!" Wade exclaimed, holding his hand out for a shake
I only smirked as I shook the degenerate's hand "Deal"

The two of us made our way onto the Tuesday bus, hearing the familiar taunt of the boy Dash had dubbed 'Jerkwad.'

"HEY LOOK IT'S THE FREAK!"

I only rolled my eyes as I sat down next to Dash, waiting for the bus to come to life once again, only to instead be met by the sight of Wade sitting down next to the boy and asking him a series of questions

"Have you ever kissed another human being other than your mother?"

"No...."

"Do you like having absolutely no friends what so ever?"

"Not really-"

"Have you ever seen G3 of MLP?"

"What the hell is that?"

"If you continue you might just find out!" Wade exclaimed as the bus came to a halt.

As soon as I entered the school, I felt that familiar sense of hatred and disgust as the eyes of the crowd all gazed upon me. At this point I've just gotten used to the stares and the insults, after all I deserved every bit of it, but to say it didn't get to me every once and a while would be a lie.

As I approached my locker I saw the three boys who had been bullying me ever since I got pregnant. Unfortunately for me, I also saw Wade coming down the hall as well

BACK TO ME!
I made my way to my first class, only to be stopped my favorite trio of dumbasses, Hoops, Score, and Dumb-Bell

"Well if it isn't the witch's baby daddy, Wade Wilson! If you want to pass then your gonna have to pay the toll!" Hoops spoke in a cocky
demeanor.

"HI KEVIN!"

"Does that makes us the Ed trio?"

I call Eddy!

"Which makes me Double D"

"AND I'M ED!"

......why does that make so much sense?

Wait, who would you say is the snarkiest, nerdiest member of the cast? I call dibs on them!

BACK TO SUNSET!

"Baby daddy?! He is NOT my baby daddy!" I whispered to myself as I watched Wade talk to the three guys that had bugged me for the past year. I swear having a middle school and a high school as part of the same facility breeds the worst type of kids. Though it also is a great way to transition kids from middle school to high school... guess you gotta weigh the pros and cons...

I watched as Wade sat there, taking everything the three dorks could throw at him, and laughing off every single insult like it was nothing. While I would usually erupt in anger at this kind of verbal assault, Wade simply joked about it, even adding in his own insults, like he was part of the joke. Note to self: Ask Wade how he deals with criticism.

The three eventually got bored and left, as did Wade, yelling something about an eye patch before running off. I finally made my way to my locker, opening it to the sight of my books, something Twilight seemed to be delighted to lend me, giving me extra homework in the process. Not that I minded, learning from her is much more fun than learning from Her....if you could call it that. More like daily orders. I got my books out, stuffing them into my bag as I made my way to my first class: Honors Physics.

I entered the classroom, taking a seat in the front row as I did every day, ignoring the many looks I got from the other students, something that I had gotten accustomed to over the last year. Despite the many attempts by Principal Celestia, it seemed that one person cannot prevent the student body from discriminating against someone who they hate.....not like I didn't deserve it. Not only did I turn into a power crazed she-demon, but I spent two and a half years being a manipulative and ruthless bully. Heck, I only really stopped that whole hog about half a year ago when I accidentally yelled at Fluttershy.

It was then one of my favorite teachers walked in, his face sporting a smirk as he looked at me. "Sunset, I assume you got your project done?"
I rolled my eyes, responding with a smug grin "Yes, Captain Sarcasm. Despite my new roommate being a colossal jerk, I could get this stuff done in my sleep."

Mr. Williams, known by his students as Captain Sarcasm, had been my teacher every year since I arrived in this world and had always been one of the few teachers that I got along with, even when I wasn't the nicest of people, always responding to my insults with a wit that could rival that of my old friend Starlight Glimmer, one of the few ponies I got along with back when I was in The School for Gifted Unicorns .

"Alright Class, Yesterday I split you all up into teams and issued you an egg to build around. If you would please follow me, we will make our way to the second floor so we can crack some eggs!" Danny happily exclaimed to the class as the others did final preparations on their egg drop apparatuses while I leaned back in my chair, smirking as I picked up my backpack and pulled out my project. Thank the gods that Wade decided to leave the apartment to me last night. Had he not, I probably wouldn't have completed this thing.

The class stood in a groups on the second floor main hall, the hall that connected the left and right sides of the upper school, a balcony overlooking the main floor and the library door below. I held my project, smiling confidently as Mr. Williams set up the tarp on the floor below. Despite this being a group project, the other students once again left me in the dust, not that I needed the help anyways. Science happened to be my best subject, to the point where I usually slept though most of my science classes, much to my teachers' dismay.

It was always funny to me as, despite missing most of class I still always got perfect scores, which probably was what pissed the other students off even more than I had already had from my past mistakes.

"Alright all you little chicken killers! Who's gonna be the first to take the chance at saving the terribly endangered species of white colored eggs! Your creativity and ingenuity can save these innocent and rare creatures, especially after they were hunted to near extinction last Spring!" Mr. Williams exclaimed, a huge grin on his face as he sarcastically threw his arms up into the air before pointing to the two kids that I had done my best to distance myself from: Snips and Snails.

The two made their way to the ledge, both of them fighting over the right to drop it

"Snails! I designed it! I get to drop it!"

"But I built it! I should get to drop it Snips!"

To this day I still question my choice in using these two as lackeys. At the time it seemed a good idea, as the two seemed to follow my orders without question, but rarely did they come through. The two weren't exactly the most adept kids in the school...

The class watched as the two's project escaped from their grasp and flew into the air. The mess of Popsicle sticks and glue proceeded to fly over the balcony before falling to to the ground, hitting the tarp with a loud crack as Popsicle sticks and eggshell spread across the tarp.

Mr. Williams peaked over the balcony and chuckled "Well...We're one more egg closer to extinction... Next!"

The rest of the class went by, each of the groups dropping their designs off the balcony and to the tarp below, watching anxiously as their projects either held together or failed and left the egg to crack on the tarp, Mr. Williams giving each of them a snarky comment as he picked up the results.

We finally got to the final two groups, leaving only me as well as the group that had been a bit of a nuisance to me and the rest of the school known as Lightning Dust and Gilda Grimwing.

"Alright class! Next up! Dusty and Gilda, bring out your project!" Mr. Williams yelled happily, the two walking up to the balcony with a project that was clearly not made by them.

Mr. Williams gave the girls a skeptical look, letting them drop their project normally before looking it over as it landed "Are you sure you two built this?"

"Yup! We spent all night on it!" Lightning Dust spoke, a fake grin plastered across her face.

It was weird. Back in middle school Gilda was a bit of a timid kid who Dash used to hang out with, then she started hanging out with Miss egotistical Lightning Dust. Lightning Dust was one of those people who thought they were better than everyone around her. She was always picking on others when they screwed up and telling them how she would have done it better, even when she had no idea how to do it herself. Gilda latched on to her and they became a thing ever since 7th grade. They started out small, picking on only who got in their way, but slowly grew bolder, eventually rivaling me in their reign of terror, picking on anyone they deemed "uncool" and while I only used my aggressive tactics to get what I want, those two attacked anyone they pleased, sometimes for no reason other than for the sheer pleasure of it.

As Mr. Williams looked over the two's project, I pulled out my project from its hiding place in my backpack. I had spent the entire night planning, designing, and building the thing, the egg sitting in the center of a balloon filled to the brim with bubble wrap and tissue surrounding the fragile package. I had carefully wrapped the tissue around the egg before adding the second layer of bubble wrap around that, all inside the casing of the balloon that held it all together. And while I wasn't worried in the slightest on whether or not it would survive the fall, I was worried about what the troulesome two were planning as they seemed to be eyeing me with an evil sneer

'Alright Sunset. Here we-'

My train of thought was interrupted by a push from behind from Lightning Dust, causing me to drop my project prematurely over the edge, it missing the tarp below and hitting the cold floor with a loud THUMP!

I looked over the balcony in terror as the other students snickered at my misfortune. Mr. Williams spoke up, adding a snarky comment before whistling at the others to stop the laughs.

"Well it looks like the sun has set on this project! Unfortunately for whoever pushed Ole' Sunshine, her project passed with flying colors, even surviving being dropped on the tile flooring! A+, Sunset Shimmer!"

I inwardly cheered, only to notice the malice and disdain from those who had failed the project. I had gotten used to this over the last year or so but I still had my moments when the critics got to me. There where still those who thought I was a cheater and a witch. I couldn't escape it no matter how hard I tried...If only I hadn't been such a jerk for those years. I originally entered this world to prove her wrong, but ended up becoming everything she said I was. A ego driven, self centered jerk. Had Princess Twilight not used her Element of Harmony on me I would have-

My train of thought was cut off as Mr. Williams came up to me and gave me a gentle smile. "Sunset, don't you go down that road again. I know that look all too well. You were letting them get to you again weren't you?"

I looked at the teacher that had helped me through the past year the best. Mr Williams always had that smug grin on his face, but under the sarcastic demeanor, he was a great teacher...if only the others were like him.

"Yeah....I just hate how they keep finding new ways to make my life hard. I'm no cheater and no witch. I can't even use my magic any more!...and then Wade happened."

"I heard the news about you and Mr. Wilson. I assume you and him are getting along?" Mr. Williams asked calmly as the other students left for the next class.

I looked to the others, a little worried to be late for my next class. "Shouldn't I get going?"

Mr. Williams smiled. "I'll vouch for you. Now how are you doing with this Wade?"

"Well, he knocked me up, forced his way into my life, and is stealing my friends so there's that." I said with a bit of spite, still feeling hateful towards the damned degenerate.

"And what do you ACTUALLY feel towards him? I've heard from the Grapevine that you two had a legitimate good time together this weekend." Mr. Williams asked, a smirk on his face.

I cursed under my breath at Vinyl. If there was a rumor or story that happened in or around this school, Vinyl somehow always knew about it and she wasn't exactly known for keeping secrets. There was a reason she was the voice of the school radio. "Okay, fine. Wade isn't ALWAYS as bad as I make him out to be, but that doesn't mean he's in the clear! He still ruined my life! I was THIS close to getting the school to get over talking behind my back about what happened last Fall Formal and then Wade screws it all over!" I roared at the Physics Teacher.

Mr. Williams, true to form, looked me in the eye and replied with a blunt. "So you're asking him to earn forgiveness when that's something even you haven't earned?"

I let out a long sigh. I knew he was right, as always. Mr. Williams had a knack for saying exactly what I needed to hear, even when I didn't want to hear it. And as always he had me caught. Now that I think about it I guess it was one giant case of cosmic irony. For the last year and a half, I had been trying my hardest to earn forgiveness for a deed that I wished could be left in the past, and now I'm doing the same to Wade. Now that doesn't forgive what he did, but it does shine a bit of light on my actions.

"So what am I supposed to do? Forgive Wade for ruining my life? Let something that isn't going away anytime soon go and just let it lie?" I asked, desperate for an answer to my current situation.

"I dunno. That's up to you to decide, not me. I may be your teacher but there are life decisions that you're going to have to deal with on your own. Just remember that you and Wade are in the same boat." Mr. Williams answered with a shrug. I could only groan at the teacher's answer. Even when asking the teacher that had all the answers I couldn't get any good advice for dealing with this dilemma. In a few months I'm going to have to deal with pregnancy issues and yet no one seems to be able to tell me how to deal with my Wade issue....figures...

I walked into my second class of the day, greeted by the soft smile of my friend Fluttershy. Whether it be dumb luck or Faust deciding to give me a break for once, I somehow got most of my classes with the girls, Ceramics 1 included. After putting on a smock I sat down next to the cream whisperer.

"So what's on the plate for today?" I asked, hoping to start the conversation off with a smile, definitely something I hadn't had so far today.

"We're working on the pots again, of course." Fluttershy responded with a soft smile. I could always count on Fluttershy to bring my day back to a good light. It was kind of her thing, her being the most gentle soul in all of Canterlot. Need a smile on your face? Go to Fluttershy....or Pinkie, but she was more the Sadness cure while Fluttershy was more of the "Lighten up our day" kind of girl. Either way, I was happy to see her.

"Oh right. Forgot we started those yesterday. Things have kinda been busy for me you know?" I replied with a smile.

"Yeah... How have you and Wade been doing?" Fluttershy asked in her signature whisper.

I groaned at the sound of Wade's name. "C-can we please talk about something else? Something other than Wade?"

"I guess...Sunset, you know you can't just avoid this. " Fluttershy responded, molding a large piece of clay in her hands.

"I know, it's just all anyone seems to want to talk to me about is Wade nowadays, and I'm sick of it! Yes, I'll deal with Wade when I get to it, but he's not the only thing I have going on in my life! I'm not just Wade's bitch!" I yelled furiously, my foot slamming down on the pedal of the potter's wheel, causing the chunk of clay I was working with to fly off the wheel and all over me as well as several other directions. I groaned yet again as I looked around the room, being met with awkward stares as Fluttershy did her best to help me clean up the mess.

"Perhaps we should talk about something else... " Fluttershy muttered as the two of us picked up the stray pieces of clay from around the room.

"Yeah...."

"I still say Tai should have gotten together with Sora. They set it up in Season 1 and then intentionally forgot about it!" I argued.

"And how long do you think that would have lasted? Tai is impulsive and thickheaded and Sora is stubborn and proud. They would have broken up within a couple of weeks! Besides Meiko is perfect for Tai! " Fluttershy fought back.

I rolled my eyes. This was kinda a tradition for Fluttershy and I, arguing our favorite 'ships' as Fluttershy calls it. I had only gotten into the whole thing because of Digimon, a show that Fluttershy was an adamant fan of. Ever since that one night at Pinkie's where I found Fluttershy watching Digimon at 3 in the morning while the others slept, I was kinda sucked in to the whole thing. And while I didn't really understand the point of pairing imaginary characters together, I did find it to be quite fun. Another lesson in Friendship... I guess?

"What does Meiko have going for her?! She's basically a female Izzy! Sora has years of character development AND Tai's affection! Just because Tri skimmed over that doesn't mean it went away!" I shot back.

Just as Fluttershy began to argue back, I saw him. The man in the red cloak. He was just sitting there, on the other side of the classroom window. As quick as I could, I got out of my seat and rushed to the window, only to see nothing...absolutely nothing. It was creepy, the idea that someone was watching me. Even stranger was that when I looked out the window, there was no floor that the man could have stood on. Just a two story drop straight down.

"Sunset? Are you okay? " Fluttershy asked, the rest of the class staring at me like I was some kind of freak of nature. Not like they were wrong but...

I was snapped out of my trance once more as my cream colored friend tapped me on the shoulder.

"Sunset...don't. I know that face and just....don't. "

I gave Fluttershy a soft smile. This school had given me such a bleak outlook on life, and yet my friends were always there to reel me back.

"Thanks Fluttershy. I can always count on you."

"You need to see a therapist- "

"NO I DON'T!" I yelled back, letting out a groan. I knew Fluttershy was right, but what would I say to a therapist? That I'm actually a pony from another world? That I turned into a she demon and tried to take over the world I'm from? Yeah, I'd rather not... "Fluttershy for the last time I can't. A therapist would just lock me up for being crazy. Not that they'd be wrong but-"

"Sunset.... "

"I know, I know...but you get my point right?"

"Yeah, but I still say you should talk to someone about it, someone who can understand what it means to feel pain... "

"Yeah, and where would I find someone like that?"

Fluttershy could only shrug as the bell rang across the school, and we both let off to our next class. "I guess I'll see you later then.... "

After waving off Fluttershy, I made my way toward the gym hallway in the back of the school, doing my best to avoid and ignore the stares and whispering of the rest of the student body, the one constant in this school. Despite a year of passing time and other things for the students talk about, they never let me forget about that Fall Formal. Over the past year I had developed ways to avoid it, taking alternate paths to my classes, having teachers accompany me to my classes, and even having Principal Celestia talk to the other students about how shoving me around was wrong, but eventually I realized that nothing would ever change the minds of an entire school, not even the Principal. And while most of the teachers have backed me up, I knew it wasn't ever going to go away, save for a miracle.

As I walked down the main hall, connecting the main classes to the athletic and musical arts hallways, I saw Wade, standing in between five girls, talking to two of them as if he were some kind of cop.

"And like I say earlier, bullying is no good! Didn't you girls ever listen to Saturday morning cartoons?"

"Cartoons? You watch cartoons? What losers..." I heard the pink girl reply with a scoff. Diamond Tiara, the resident rich girl. I had heard about her from AJ and Rarity. Apparently she had been bullying the "Crusaders" since back when they were in kindergarden. And while the three girls had always been there to pick each other back up, something I always envyed about the trio, Diamond Tiara and her lackey Silver Spoon were always there to knock them back down again. I could only feel a bit of disdain towards the pair, being reminded way too much of myself by the two.

I hid behind a group of students, who seemed to be deep in conversation and unaware of their surroundings as I watched Wade talk back to the troublesome two in his defense of the three "Crusaders."

"What you got against cartoons? Kinda hypocritical if you think about it...then again you two aren't exactly aware of that whole situation, but that still doesn't change the fact that bullying is not cool! What have these three ever done to you?!"

"YEAH! All we've ever done to you is be nice! We let you hang out with us. We shared our lunches with you. We even offered to let you in the Crusader Club House back in Kindergarten! But then you came back after that vacation to Maris and you became jerks!" Scootaloo barked.
I could only raise an eyebrow at that. I mean I get this world is supposed to mirror Equestria proper, but does no one ever question all the pony related names and stuff? I guess if your born into it, you just kinda accept it...

"BUT AFTER WE GOT BACK YOU DITCHED US FOR THAT MANEHATTEN FRAUD BABS!" Diamond Tiara yelled, causing everyone around to turn in curiousity.

"And there we go...." Wade muttered under his breath.

"Hold on....Babs? She's ma cousin! Are you tellin me that y'all have been pickin on me and ma girls all because ya thought we ditched you for ma cousin?" Applebloom asked.

"Doesn't anyone in this universe ever talk out their problems? Seriously? No? Geez...." I heard Wade ask. I could only chuckle at that. It did seem this world did have a bit of a problem with talking out their problems....

I leaned back into my chair, my feet up on the desk in front of me. Despite most of my other classes being stuff that I either struggled with, like English, or were electives like Ceramics, Calculus was one of the few that I breezed through. I mean I practically slept through the math classes back in Equestria and even then I aced every one of them. She ended up having to give extra tests with material from the books they use in college....seemed to be the only thing she ever cared about...

"Ready for Calculus?" I heard my favorite Cello player ask. I smiled at that. Over the years, Octavia and I have had a strange relationship, having somehow been assigned to a class together every year, always alone. She always called it fate, but I call it coincidence. Over the years we developed a bit of a secret friendship, Octavia wanting to keep it from the other girls for some reason. She always told me that it was because of her 'social standing' but I knew the real reason: Octavia was what other high schoolers called "on the other side of the street" and while I knew the girls probably wouldn't care, AJ not withstanding, Octavia was always a bit self-conscious about the whole thing. Not that I blame her. I mean I would be too if you had to grow up living with your crush.

"You mean ready to sleep through class again Cello?"

She laughed at that. Octavia and I had grown this routine of sleeping through, or sometimes whispering through our Calculus class, both of us not even needing to listen to the teacher at this point. I had technically already passed the class if you counted my classes back in Equestria, and Octavia breezed through it by reading through and memorizing each chapter we started on each month. The teacher, Mrs. Decimal, hated us for it, but after having us ace the first few tests without failure, she had given up trying as she knew we knew the material. And since we didn't interrupt the class, staying relatively quiet, she didn't seem to mind either.

"So what's this week's lesson on?" I asked my Cello playing compatriot.

Octavia rolled her eyes. "More functions. Exponential this time. Nothing we can't handle."

"Whoever invented this whole Calculus thing really should have made more ways to do it. Functions are getting boring."

"Ditto. You'd think Newton would have made things a bit more interesting when he created it."

The two of us let out a quiet chuckle, the teacher immediately calling on me in response. "Sunset. Can you tell us what the answer to number
two is?"

Taking a quick glance at the problem on the board, I ran the calculations through my head and answered with a smirk, "X is 4"
The teacher grumbled replying with a strained "Correct..." as I turned back to my orchestral friend. One does not simply get into Her School for Gifted Unicorns by being an idiot.

As I entered the cafeteria I took in the feeling of discomfort from all the disgusted looks and whispering students that filled the room. While most rumors and happenings at Canterlot high would blow away within a few weeks or so, it seemed that what happened at last year's Fall formal was stuck in the minds of the students of the school. And ever since, it had been an uphill battle to regain the trust of the student body, a battle I had at this point given up on. In the year and a half since I tried to use my fellow students to take over Equestria, I had only managed to get maybe ten students to properly forgive me for it all. Despite the massive backing from my girls and Principal Celestia, I just didn't see the point of trying any more. No amount of assemblies or public forgivnesses were going to change the image of me as a brainwashing demon witch in the minds of the student body.

"SUNSET! OVER HERE!"

I smiled as I saw Pinkie wave me over to our usual table with Rarity and Applejack, the two girls who had kept me from total despair in the time following the Fall Formal. I made my way over to the table, taking in the murmurs and quiet insults of each table that I passed. It was why I both loved and hated Lunch. On one hand, I got to spend time with the majority of my friends, something I craved in the endless torture of the school day, but on the other hand, I was exposed to the most amount of students, all of them with their own thoughts for me to take in.
"Sunset, don't think we don't see it." I heard Rarity say as I sat down next to her, her seeing right through the fake smile I put on. "We're all aware of what you have to put up with. Don't you dare try to keep us out of it."

I let out a long sigh. In the first few months after the Fall Formal, I did my best to hide my pain from my new friends, but they quickly caught on, Rarity and Applejack especially. And while the other three fought to protect me from the brunt of the student's opinions, it was AJ and Rarity that helped me through the pain. "I just don't see the point anymore. I've tried everything and they still see me as "The Witch of the Fall Formal" and my reputation from what I did before that doesn't help either..."

"We just need to take it one step at a time. Now, let's change the subject to something a bit less depressing. It seems our friends over at Crystal Prep want a rematch for the match we supposed to have two weeks ago." Rarity said, doing her best to keep her composure as she mentioned our biggest rivals.

"Oh right...Airsoft. That's still a thing, isn't it?" I asked, my voice showing signs of exhaustion.

"I don't think we'll be in fighting shape anytime soon with Sunny pregnant...." Pinkie chimed in, my right eye twitching at the aspect of not being able to participate in the one thing that I took joy in doing with my girls. It was one of the things that bugged me to no end about Wade, and this pregnancy over all. I could no longer do many of the things that kept me sane in the wake of the Fall Formal, whether it be Airsoft, Soccer (A sport I had taken much interest in since becoming friends with Dash), or even something as simple as playing guitar.

AJ grabbed me by the shoulder, giving me a stern stare as she spoke to me "Calm down. I know that look in yer eyes before ya do sumin you'll regret."

I took a deep breath, letting out any anger that I could before smiling back at the cowgirl. It was what AJ did best, spotting a problem before it got bad, this time being my rampant anger issues. "Thanks AJ. I needed that."

"No problem girl. It's what ah'm here for. You wanna talk about sumthin' else?"

"Yeah...How's the farm been?"

"Good. Bullseye's finally got over that nasty cold he caught last week."

"That's good. How about you Rarity? How's your work been going?"

"Oh just fabulously! I just finished the skirt on the piece I've been working on since last month! It will look gorgeous when it's finished!"
I could only smile as I listened to the girls talk on about the goings on in their lives. It was funny. Despite living in a world where their best friend attempted to use a magic crown from another dimension to brainwash the school and take over said dimension, they can still go back to their normal lives like nothing happened out of the ordinary without a thought...

I turned the corner, making my way to my locker, only to see a group of girls standing in front of it. Confused, I decided to approach them.

"Can I help you?" I asked the group. The group took notice, most of them immeadiately running off, revealing their work. As soon as I saw it, I felt as if I had been punched in the gut. My locker, now filled with hay, had the words "GO HOME HORSE WITCH!" sprayed on the door in bright red paint as well as the former contents splayed out on the floor in front of the locker. I could feel the tears well up in my eyes as I walked up to the remains of my locker. The two girls who remained simply sat there whispering as I began silently picking up my belongings.

"Can you believe she actually tried to get Principal Celestia to get the school to forgive her? What a loser. I mean no one is going to just forget all those years of bullying. She deserves everything she gets..."

"Yeah. And not only that, but she used her creepy magic to brainwash the student body...I bet she's been using it to manipulate us for years..."
I did my best to ignore the comments as I picked up my stuff, but I couldn't help hearing every little insult they said.

"I feel bad for the new kid. He has to put up with this bitchy slut for the rest of his life. I wouldn't be surprised if he took the kid and ran. It's not like the witch would be fit to raise the kid. She'd probably corrupt the thing."

It was that one that caused the tears to begin flowing. I probably would be a terrible-

"DAFUQ IS THIS SHIT?!"

The three of us turned to see Wade standing with a face filled with confused anger.

"Oh nothing, just burning the witch." One of the girls answered casually, waving off Wade.

"Is that some fucked up slang for bullying my girl? Are you telling me that this school has actually become so mean that they have come up with a phrase to encompass all the bitchiness towards my babe? That is so fucked up I can't even think of a comeback for it! Wait...nope.That's a lie. I definitely can."

"Why do you care? She deserves everything she gets." The other girl chimed in.

"What's your name?" Wade asked, his eyes filled with contempt for the two girls.

The two girls attempted to respond but Wade immediately yelled in their faces "IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOUR NAMES ARE! To me, you are bitch one." Wade said pointing to the first girl, "And you are bitch two" He then pointed to the other girl. "Now, let's analyze this situation. I turn the corner to see my girl Sunset's locker filled with hay and the words "Go home horse witch" sprayed on the door. Why?"

The first girl chimed in. "Well, because we want Sunset Shimmer to realize that she needs to go back to her horse universe and leave us Wondercolts alone."

"Uh huh uh huh...and yet you don't think being a complete bitch isn't as bad?"

"Well she deserves everything she gets! She bullied us for years and then tried to use us as puppets for her twisted magic plans!" The second girl yelled.

Wade smirked at that "Look you two, you gotta understand something about me. I could honestly not give a fuck about what happened before the first movie. All I see is a pair of bitches who are being hypocrites by bullying a girl who honestly doesn't need more of a reason to hate herself. Now you two, why don't you walk away before I have to follow the old rule of 'Bitches get stitches'" Wade spoke in a dark tone, cracking his knuckles as he spoke.

The two girls took the hint, running off before Wade could enact his supposed vengeance. Wade then dropped the threatening demeanor, walking over to me and began helping me with my things.

"Wade...you shouldn't of seen that."

"Fuck that. I ain't gonna sit back while my girl gets treated like shit. Why do you put up with it all?" He said as he began stuffing the hay that filled my locker into his backpack.

"Because I deserve it." I muttered.

"Again. Fuck. That. No one deserves something like that for what you did. I don't care what happened before the Fall Formal or during it for that matter. I've seen people do a lot worse than what you did and they've been forgiven. Now, stop it with this "I deserve it" bullshit and come with me." Wade said, grabbing me by the arm and dragging me down the hall to the science lab, knocking on the door as soon as we got there.

"Wade what are we-" Wade shushed me as the door opened to the sight of Mr Neutron, a chemistry teacher I had heard from Pinkie about several times in the past.

"Mr. Wilson? Is there an issue?" The chemistry teacher asked, his voice filled with concern.

"Yeah, I just found my girl Sunset standing in front of her locker, which may or may not be filled with hay and the words "'Go home horse witch!' spray painted on the door, and two girls, in their own words 'burning the witch'!" Wade explained to the teacher, causing the teacher to let out a long sigh.

"Mr. Wilson, did you get the name of the girls?"

"Nah, but that isn't why I'm here."

"And why ARE you here then?"

"Can me and Sunset ditch the rest of our classes to get some ice cream? She REALLY needs it right now!" Wade asked, a huge grin on his face.
The teacher chuckled at that. "Sure. I'll let your teachers know you'll be out for the rest of the day on excused absence. Go get your girlfriend some ice cream."

"THANKS!" Wade yelled as he dragged me out of the school.

'I'm not his girlfriend..." I muttered as I was dragged through the halls.

BACK TO ME!

I kicked the doors of Sugarcube Corner open, announcing my presence with a holler "THE FUN HAS ARRIVED! Thank you very much!"
dragging Sunset along with me. I walked up to the counter, pushing everyone in the line aside as I ordered "Two orders of double scoop vanilla cones!"

Ignoring the complaints from the other customers, I grabbed the two cones of ice cream and sat Sunset down at the first table I saw, pushing the boy who was sitting at it aside "So, how long have you been putting up with this bullyshit Sunshine?"

Sunset raised an eyebrow at that"Bullyshit?"

"That was terrible."

"I could have come up with something wittier!"

Any aspirin in that hammerspace handbag? Or something that fixes dented furniture?

Like really Brad, That pun was cringeworthy...

Shut up and move on Wade...

Whatever...

"Yep! How long?"

Sunset let out a cute chuckle and answered. "Too long. I've wanted to talk back the way you did so many times, but I don't want to be accused of being a bully again..."

"Girl, you ain't no bully for standing up for yourself! There's a fine line between being a heel and being a smartass babyface! My buddy Phil taught me that!"

Sunset looked away in shame. "I just don't want to be pinned a bad guy again..."

"Sunset, they already see you as a bad guy. The only way you're gonna be able to change that is if you stand up for yourself! Luckily for you, you have me now to help!"

"Yes, because you totally will be able to change the opinion of the entire student body...." Sunset snarked.

"You'd be surprised what I can do. I once fought off an entire group of ninjas all while holding a conversation on the phone."

Sunset raised an eyebrow once again. "Ninjas?"

"Yup! Ninjas. I-" I was interrupted by the boy who I had pushed off the seat, who tapped my shoulder revealing himself as none other than the only Canon OC, Flash Sentry.

Stellar Eclipse? Cheese Sandwich? Wild Fire? HELLOOO?!!?

Learn to take a joke, edit.

"Wade, not only was I sitting there, but I thought I told you to stay away from my girl!"

Completely ignoring the boy, just like the rest of the fandom has tried to since the first movie premiered, I continued my conversation with Sunset "Took down like ten of them until my cell provider decided to be a douche and dropped my call..."

Sunset on the other hand, did not ignore him. "My girl? MY GIRL?!" Sunset got up from her seat and stared down the boy, a fury in her eyes.

"Ohhhh...." I turned to Flash. "You done fucked up Flashy boy..."

"I AM NOT YOUR GIRL FLASH! I AM MY OWN PERSON AND WILL NOT BE-"

Flash stopped her, showing that he does in fact have a pair, and quietly answered back "Sunset....this isn't between you and me....it's between Me and Wade...please keep it that way."

Sunset sat back down and let out a calm "Fine..."

"Now, back to you Wade. I just watched you burst in here, completely disregard the thoughts of anyone in line, and then mindlessly push me aside all for your own selfish gain. Now you expect me to let someone like that date Sunset and raise her child?"

He didn't do it mindlessly. It was you. Anything regarding you taking abuse is, has been, and always will be intended.

Damn Straight Corbin

You guys do realize I intend to redeem him right?

Really? Well shit...

I took a deep breath, standing up and facing the the guitarist "Look...I get it. You want to protect Sunset from douchebags like yourself. And that's cool, but if you're gonna judge me, then at least give me the chance to prove you wrong. Personally, I think you get a bad rep Flash. If the writers really wanted to, they could probably make the fans like you."

"Not likely."

Shut up Stuffy. "But as of now, you're just some shitty OC with a talent for guitar. So if you're not gonna back up your threats, then don't try to patronize me for being a jerk when you don't know diddly squat about me."

"Oh, I'll back up my threats alright. You name the time and the place Wade Wilson and I'll back up what I say."

"Is that a challenge?" I asked, a smirk on my face as an idea formed in my head.

"Damn right it is."

The rest of the patrons of the cafe let out a series of 'Ooooo's as I responded with a question "Does Canterlot High have a wrestling ring?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Because we're going to settle this the only way fitting of a rivalry like this....a professional style wrestling match." I then turned back to Sunset. "Sunshine...tell Pinkie to get the gym ready..."

To be continued...

Author's Note

So you're probably wondering what took this so long...Well other than Brad being a lazy douche...nothing actually. Brad is just a lazy douche...

AM NOT! I had MAJOR writer's block, and writing Sunset's depressing thoughts rubbed off on me which made me not want to write it...but now it's out so shut up and get ready for the wrestling match of the century: Flash Sentry Vs. Wade Wilson.

NEXT TIME ON THE EQUESTRIA GIRLS ADVENTURES OF DEADPOOL!

DeadpoolMania

"HELLO MY PONIES, BRONIES, AND PEGASISTERS AND WELCOME TO THE FIRST EVER EDITION OF CANTERLOT HIGH'S HOTTEST NEW SHOW , WEDNESDAY WRECKING CREW! My name is Pinkie Pie and joining me tonight on commentary for this showdown of the century is the one and only DJ PON3 herself, Vinyl Scratch-"

"WHAT IS UP WONDERCOLTS!? ARE YOU READY FOR A SMACKDOWN OF EPIC PROPORTIONS!?"

"And our favorite Jerk of a Jock, The Rainbow Renegade, Rainbow Dash!"

"Why am I doing this again Pinkie?"

"Cause it'll be fun Dashie! Besides, we need a heel commentator!"

"And why am I the heel?"

"Cause Vinyl is calling the match, and you're a born jerk!"

Dash rolled her eyes. "Of course."

"Just have fun with it Dashie!"

Dash chuckled "Okay then...Our competitors tonight are the frankly boring Flash Sentry, and the man who clearly needs to shut his mouth, Wade Wilson. "

"There you go Dashie! These two have been at each others throats since Wade knocked up Flash's former girlfriend Sunset Shimmer."

"Not his best choice. I would have preferred Myself, or maybe RD here!" Vinyl chimed in.

"Excuse me?! I like Wade, I really do, but he and I would not work as a couple. Like ever." Dash fought back.

"I dunno Dashie. You and Wade might make a cute couple!" Pinkie added, giggling at the idea of her two friends dating.

The three continued arguing, only stopping as the lights of the gymnasium slowly began going out one by one, until the only light left was the shine of the moon coming from the skylights, which mysteriously began panning its rays to the front of the blackened room, ending up with their light casting over a huge screen hanging where the scoreboard would be.

The gym sat in suspense for only a moment as the words "You ain't ready for this." appeared on screen followed by the appearance of Wade's signature symbol of the Deadpool eyes filling the screen as Stroke 9's "How many people wanna kick some ass" began blaring through the speakers as Wade kicked open the gymnasium doors and began strutting towards the ring, dressed in his full red and black costume.

"Doesn't he ever wash that thing?" Dash asked, only to be shushed by Pinkie and Vinyl.

As soon as I entered the gym I took in the sight of it all. The bleachers were filled to the brim with what looked like the entire student body, all surrounding a ring that looked a bit too authentic to be from a high school. 'Where the hell does this school get its funding? And why is the entire school here? Don't they have other places to be other than some high school wrestling match?'

"Then again, this school did allow us, as well as Twilight, to perform a choreographed dance number in the cafeteria without question..."

"And let a girl, who performed literal witchcraft in the front of the school, back into their system without question..."

As well as having a known portal to another dimension sitting on school grounds...

In tandem with having hippocampuses formerly on ground... where are they, anyhoo?

Spoilers bro

Boo...but Yeah...Let's just agree that this is a cartoon and let it go. That okay?

You're the one pointing it out...

Yes, but if we keep pointing out the plotholes in this universe, we'll be here all day. Besides, with what you have planned later on, best to let that one lie...

Fine...Wait what ever happened to not reading the ending?

MOVING ON!

As I made my way down the ramp, I stopped, spinning around with a kick, throwing up my arms in a twin display of my signature handsign of my middle and ring fingers as a spray of sparks went off behind me. And while I was met with the sound of resounding boos, I honestly couldn't give a fuck. I was relishing in it all. After all, I finally get to take 'Compete in a professional style wrestling match' off my long bucket list!

"One of many things on that thing..."

"We should make a blog post about that!"

Please no...

YES! AND YOU COULD HAVE CORBIN HELP YOU MAKE IT!

Eh....I'll think about it...

DO IT.

Ugh. Fine.

HERE WE GO PEOPLE: https://www.fimfiction.net/blog/669078/deadpools-bucket-list

"Oooo it looks like Wade means business if he's throwing up his signature hand sign! Flash is gonna have to bring his A Game if he wants to defeat Deadpool in this bout!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"So you're telling me that that dumb gang sign Wade just threw up actually means something?" Dash commented, causing both Pinkie and Vinyl to turn their heads in collective shock.

"Have you never seen a professional wrestling match?!" Vinyl exclaimed.

"No." Dash deadpanned, her eyebrow raised at her fellow commentator.

Vinyl threw her arms up in defeat, while Pinkie simply shook her head in disappointment, muttering the word "Dashie" over and over as she did.

"What?!"

I made my way into the ring, my music still blaring through the gymnasium speakers.

"CUT THE MUSIC!" I yelled at the top if my lungs as the music came to an abrupt halt. Grabbing a cordless mic, I looked out at the booing crowd and smiled under my mask, knowing that I was about to make the statement of the century.

"So let me ask you all something....Do you honestly think I give a fuck what you teenage dickwads think about me?" I spoke into the mic, relishing in the sound of the displeased crowd. I knew I was the bad guy in the eyes of the student body, so why not play the part? Besides, I already knew the answer to my question: I DIDN'T give a fuck what the student body thought of me. If they want to paint me as the bad guy, fine. I don't care about some bullshit high school hierarchy. I don't care if I'm the butt of everyone's jokes. As long as I have my friends and my own self respect, I'm good.

I listened as the crowd booed me out of the building, silencing them with one golden phrase "LET ME HEAR YOU CANTERLOT HIGH! ARE! YOU! REEEEADY!? You see kids, I am the best in the world at what I do, and I don't give a flying fuck what you or anyone in this school thinks about me...well except maybe my girls BUT THAT DON'T MATTER RIGHT NOW! What does matter is the beef between me and Flash Fucking Sentry. Cause if Flash could smell what Deadpool was cookin' he'd run his little ass all the way to Dudleyville cause when Wade Wilson pulls off his gloves, Flash ain't gonna have a nice day brother! Cause when Deadpoolmania runs wild on him, he's not gonna be playing the game, he's gonna be messing with a man who doesn't back down, doesn't give up, and most importantly DOESN'T GIVE A FUCK! Yeah, I knocked up Sunset Shimmer. Yeah, I stole his waifu. and YEAH! I'MA BEAT HIS CANDY ASS IN THIS RING TONIGHT! And when it's all over...I'm going to pin his guitar playing bitch ass in the middle of this ring, 1, 2, 3! AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE! CAUSE DEADPOOL SAID SO! BEOTCH!"

It was then I saw Flash's face appear on the titantron, clearly pissed by my speech "Wade....I don't need some overblown speech about how
I'm better than you to tell you that by the end of the night, you're going to get your ass laid out and beaten to a pulp by me."

"OH WAH WAH! I'm Flash Sentry! I play guitar and am a giant tool! Why won't the bronies like me?! Probably because I'm just some douche who shows up just for Hasbro to try to sell us some bullshit romance between a teenage boy AND A FUCKING PRINCESS FROM A UNIVERSE WHERE EVERYONE'S A FUCKING PONY! I mean DAMN Flash, I get it, you have a fetish for horses and probably are going through some sort of sexually repressed sob story that no one gives a shit about but GEEZ! I mean I knew you were thirsty for Twilight, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE ALSO HER BITCH!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP WILSON BEFORE I COME DOWN THERE AND KICK YOUR ASS!"

"Well then why don't ya? I'm not going anywhere! After all, I can back up my boisterous claims but the question remains....can you?"

Flash smiled at that, muttering one word before disappearing from the screen. "Fine."

"Ooooo, so you DO in fact have a pair, I mean not a big one, but a pair nonetheless. Alright Flash Gordon. Come and show me what you've got."

It was at that moment that the spot lights panned to the gym entrance, Flash kicking the gym doors open to a huge ovation by the crowd, wearing a torn up pair of jeans and a ragged black wife beater.

"And it looks like Flash is ready and revving up for a fight here Wondercolts! And while the feud between these two only began about a couple of weeks ago when Wade slept with Flash's former girlfriend Sunset Shimmer, the bad blood between the two is as thick as maple syrup on a Sugarcube Corner Breakfast Special! Mmmm...pancakes..."

"Pinkie did you really have to plug SugarCube Corner like that? I thought you hated sellouts!"

"Oh don't worry Dashie! Just because my gaming channel is personally funded doesn't mean I hate "Sellouts"! Besides, Wrestling Commentators are required to shamelessly plug products nowadays!"

"Ugh...of course they do..."

This nod to shameless plugging was brought to you by Carl's JR. and a bad reference towards Idiocracy.

As Flash entered the ring I couldn't help but grin at the Wonder with Nothing Down Under, and the crowd as a whole through my mask. Yeah, I was about to participate in a fight against a properly peeved pony fucker...but I was enjoying every second of it. " So Flash...what you got in store for me and this capacity crowd tonight? Some shitty guitar skills? OH OH! I KNOW! You're going to use your completely made up fighting experience and wrestling skills to defeat me just like every other shitty self insert does! Or maybe you'll knock me out in one punch because "the plot demands it"! OR You'll use your magic bullshit that is never explained because the writers think the audience is to dumb to understand or they just got lazy! OR! OR! You'll use the same old "Heart of the Cards" BS that every protagonist uses once or twice when the writers accidentally wrote themselves into a corner! OR-" I spouted, Flash interrupting with a light chuckle "What?"

"It's funny...I'd have thought you'd have taken this more seriously. After all, You're about to get your ass handed to you."

I couldn't help but let out a joyous laugh at that "Bitch I don't take anything seriously! Especially a fight against a two bit Asshole with a horse fetish. I mean give me one reason I should be "Scared" Of you. "

Flash leaned in close and sneered at me "Because I'm about to send you through the worst pain in your life, Wilson."

"Oh this won't even come close to the worst pain in my life Flashy boy! I mean you try fighting Wolverine without getting your ass stabbed a hundred times! That fucking hurts!"

"Are you sane?"

"ABSOLUTELY NOT! Sanity is overrated anyways!" I said with a smile.

"Yeah...there is no way I'm letting you be Sunset's boyfriend."

"Why do you even care? Like I said in chapter five, she dumped you a long time ago. Probably for a good reason."

"I DUMPED HER FOR YOUR INFORMATION ASSHOLE!" Flash yelled before taking a deep breath. "I care because she needs someone to watch over her. Twilight cured her of her madness and she needed someone to make sure she didn't regress."

I could only raise an eyebrow through my mask at that. "Madness? Is that how you're rationalizing it Flash Thompson? Oh it was a lot more than just madness..."

"It was mostly just bad writing."

"To be fair the Idea they were going for wasn't a bad one. Former Student of Celestia, had an ego problem, ran away through a magic portal for unexplained reasons. It was just executed badly."

Hasbro, man... we already had one foil for Twilight named Trixie, did we need a precursor, too?

Didn't they explain it in the comics?

Yeah but I'm going a different route with it so those don't count.

Fair enough.

I watched as Flash could only growl at my wit as I turned to the crowd, seeing my crew sitting in the front row, minus Pinkie, Dash, Vinyl and....hold on...where's AJ?

Give it a few minutes.

Ugh...I hate when you do this.

"Anyways, let's not dwell over spilled milk Flashy boy. We're here to settle this so Brad can move on!"

"This is a lot more than just spilled milk Wilson. You raped my girl and forced her to have to endure your stupidity for the rest of her life, and I'm here to beat your ass down till you decide to get the hell out of town and leave Sunset alone."

"Whoa, Whoa, Whoa...Rape? Rape? Really? You're calling a one night stand rape? Flash, just because I got Sunshine a bit drunk doesn't mean I raped her! Besides, I'm not a bad guy. I'm not gonna leave her in the dust like you did. I mean look at how she did after you dumped her! Went all evil, became a bully, tore the school apart, as well as a good group of friends, and in the end stole a priceless artifact in a failed attempt to take over her former universe, not that it would have worked." I turned to face the crowd, looking to Sunset who sat center stage in the front row. "I mean what WAS your plan Sunshine? Use a mind controlled student body to take over Equestria? Yeah, you try to take on Three fully grown Alicorns. It wasn't gonna work babe."

Sunset only gave me a death stare as I backed up a little in fear, yelling "No offense!" into the mic as quick as I could to cover my tracks before turning back to the guy who even Hasbro has disowned by this point.

You wish.

I do....I really do.

"But seriously bro, what are you gonna do to me? I mean your arms are like-" I went to squeeze his arms only to notice an absurd amount of muscle mass "Oh....well then."

Didn't you notice his built figure before?

Well why don't you tell me you could with those designs! The guys look like they have pencils for arms!

Flash could only smile at that "Yeah. You're gonna be pummeled into dirt in a few minutes."

"Well then...and the school is allowing all this?"

Flash only continued to grin "The match has been sanctioned by all the staff. Helps when your parents are PTO members."

"Well that's bullshit..." It was then I noticed that something was missing "Now I'm no expert on professional wrestling, I just happen to be friends with most of the big names, but isn't there supposed to be a ref?"

Flash's grin became a smirk as he motioned to the entrance "Yeah. She's one of yours."

The spotlights panned to the entrance as AppleJack entered and made her way to and into the squared circle.

I walked up to AJ, whispering to her off the mic "AJ....Dafuq? I thought this was supposed to be a fair fight!"

AJ could only smirk as she answered back "It is. Ah'm not on either of y'all's side."

"Well then...carry on." I turned back to Flash with a goofy smile on my face "So...what now?"

"Now we fight. AJ, ring the bell!"

Aj, in full referee gear, motioned to the bell keeper to start the match as the clear sound of three dings could be heard throughout the gymnasium.

I approached Flash, going in for a collar and elbow tie up, only to be tackled to the ground as Flash began pummeling my face in.

"You know-OW-I really thought this-OW-would be a great way to-OW-get to know eachother-OW-maybe we could-OW-reconsile this and-OW-become buddies-OW-In the end-OW!" I spoke as Flash continued punching my face with blow after blow before wrapping his arms around my waist and deadlifting me in preparation for a slam.

Out of instinct, I slipped out of the hold, wrapping my right arm around his head and using my outstretched legs as momentum as I swung them forward and slammed Flash's head into the mat.

"AND A BEAUTIFUL SWINGING DDT BY WADE! BY GOD IT'S CHRISTMAS WRESTLING FANS!" Vinyl yelled over the intercom as I went for the pin on the stunned Flash, only getting a one count as the two of us made our way to our feet.

"Okay...not what I have planned Flashy, but nice Lou Thesz there...what next?" I asked as I grappled with the one note wonder.

"Wilson...I'm not here to play around. I'm here to kick your ass." Flash spoke back, not giving me any indication on what he was going to do next as he threw me backwards against the ropes and hit me with the stiffest high kick I'd ever taken as I was slung back in rebound. I could feel as my neck snapped back from the impact, giving me whiplash as I fell to the mat, probably sporting a concussion from the hit, the crowd letting out as sharp "Ooooo" as they watched.

"Ugh...well this isn't going how I expected." I spoke to myself as I lay on the mat, my head still spinning from the impact.

How did you expect it to go?

I dunno. A quick squash match?

Yeah...I don't think that would be worth reading.

Ugh...fair enough. Not like we're gonna get featured but still...

I looked up from my position, seeing Flash slide out of the ring with my right leg in hand "What are you up to Flash?"

Flash only muttered one word as he dragged me towards the ring post "Pain."

He proceeded to pull my legs between the post and lock his legs with mine into a figure four as he wrenched my legs against the steel beam holding the ropes together, leaning back into his hold as my legs stretched and grinded against the steel bar, not letting go as I writhed in pain

"DEAR GOD FLASH HAS LOCKED IN THAT FIGURE FOUR TIGHT! CAN WADE SURVIVE THIS SUBMISSION HOLD?!" Pinkie yelled as Dash screamed "I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE FAKE!" at the top of her lungs

Luckily for me, I had a little trick up my sleeve, slowly pulling back as I climbed the ropes in front of me, pulling Flash up and forcing him to let the hold go as I desperately climbed to the top turnbuckle and looked down on the tired Flash as I muttered to myself "Time to fly!"

I looked to the crowd, throwing up my twin fingers before leaping from the top turnbuckle as I backflipped 450 degrees, giving Sunset an upside down thumbs up as time seemed to slow while I flew through the air before finally landing belly to belly on Flash prone on the apron covering the gym floor.

"BY THE GODS ABOVE! A BEAUTIFUL BACKWARDS FIREBIRD SPLASH ONTO THE APRON! Folks it looks like neither of these men are holding back in this bout for the ages!" Vinyl yelled into her headset.

"Does every flip have some stupid name?" Dash asked.

"Pretty much." Pinkie said before chuckling "Just imagine it's a fighting game Dashie!"

Where's the obligatory fanservice character? Wait, this is a comic crossover.

"It pretty much already is Pinkster." Vinyl retorted

"What? So you're telling me next we'll be seeing them throw uppercuts that send them flying?"

Vinyl only growled at Dash, Pinkie letting out a long sigh as she looked at her friend disappointedly.

Grabbing on to the barricade, I crawled my way to my feet, Flash doing the same with the apron as we both heard AJ yelling the count down for a ring out.

"ONE! TWO! THREE!"

'Ugh....well this is definitely more interesting than what I had imagined...'

How did you imagine it to go?

"Definitely not like this"

"Then again we imagined it with us wearing a yellow leotard, white cape, and red rubber gloves..."

Yeah...

Finally making it back to my feet, I saw Flash rolling his way back into the ring as AJ continued to count.

"SEVEN! EIGHT! NINE!"

"Shitshitshitshitshit!" I muttered as I dove towards the ring, sliding under the ropes before hopping to my feet "BOOYAKASHA!"
As soon as I made it to my feet, I noticed something was wrong, as Flash was nowhere to be seen "Wait, what?"

It was then I felt Flash's arms wrap around me from behind, lifting me backwards into the air, as I couldn't help recall a familiar feeling.

Ugh...I feel like I've been here before, like in another life or something...

"This is gonna be a pain in the ass"

"I HATE WHEN THIS HAPPENS!"

When what happens?

You know! When you feel like you've been through something before but you can't quite figure out what it was!

"Isn't there a term for that? OH I REMEMBER! IT'S CALLED DEJA MUSTARD!"

"I believe the correct term is Deja Vu."

Still, this is gonna piss me off if I can't figure it out...something to do with some douche named Francis...Eh, I'll figure it out eventually.

I was broken out of my trance as I felt my neck and upper back crunch as they slammed into the ring, Flash releasing me from his grasp as soon as I hit the mat, before rolling on top of me for the pin, AJ sliding over to us to begin the count.

"ONE! TWO! THR-" AJ yelled, her count broken as I thrusted my body up as hard as I could, forcing Flash off of me

I looked to the wannabe rockstar, who had a face of both disbelief and rage on as he ran up to AJ and began yelling at her before retreating to
one of the corners and punching the turnbuckle pad in a fit of anger.

"It seems that Flash could not believe that his signature Germane Suplex didn't put Wade away! After all he's put so many away with that move that it seemed to him that that suplex was the end all be all to his wrestling strategy!" Pinkie spoke into her mic.

"Yeah, I doubt one measly suplex would put away Wade F-ing Wilson! Wade is one tough SOB after all!" Vinyl added in.

"He better be if he's a mercenary! He's not invincible after all so you gotta compensate with either raw talent or dumb luck! And Wade ain't running on luck, trust me I would have noticed!" Dash retorted.

Pinkie could only shrug at that, answering with an "Eh..."

Looking at the ceiling. I could only grin and I stuck my legs into the air and began spinning around like a break dancer, using my momentum to spin to my feet, ending as I threw up my twin fingers in a display directed straight at the boy who's only character trait is "Plays guitar".
"So Flashy, when you gonna pull out something that might actually hurt me? Or are you just all talk and no action? I mean it's not like you're ever gonna beat 'The Merc with the Mouth'! I''m Deadpool after all! I'm Hella fast! Came to steal your waifu, and kick your ass!" I said as the two of us approached each other in the middle of the ring.

"Wade, you just don't understand. You're not the hero here. You took a girl who didn't need another reason to hate herself, and shoved it in her face, with no remorse towards those you hurt. You're a monster who needs to be put in his place and sent to Tartarus." Flash responded in a low tone as electricity sparked between our faces as we stared each other down with millimeters between us.

"Is that this world's equivalent to hell? Cause I've been to Hell. Nice place if you're up for a quick tan, as long as you have a way to deal with the hordes of demons and you don't run into Mephisto. That guy is a grade-A Dickwad."

Flash snarled at me, whispering under his breath "Go fuck yourself, Wilson."

"Eh, I'd rather just fuck Sunset instead. She's amazing in bed!" I said with a sarcastic grin on my face, completely embracing my heel persona. And while I didn't mean most of what I was saying, at least not completely, I couldn't help but play along with the charade that we were putting on. "Oh and by the way, watch your language. Not everyone likes the whole "Badass Swearmiester" That I pull off." I said as I booped Flash's nose

Flash responded by smashing his right forearm into my face, a move I mimicked back to him as we began trading forearm after forearm, going back and forth as the crowd began chanting "Flash Sentry" And "Deadpool" in an mirror to our trading blows.

"Have you ever seen such a display of endurance and athletics then the sight of these two trading blow after blow Wondercolts?! And despite both of our competitors being thoroughly exhausted by this point, they just keep going!" Vinyl yelled.

"And they both are fighting for their own reasons tonight Wondercolts! Whether it be Wade, trying to prove that he does indeed deserve the love and affection of Flash's former girlfriend Sunset Shimmer, or Flash, trying to teach Wade a lesson of respect and that he is indeed NOT fit to carry Sunset through the rest of her life as a partner and companion. The Lines have been drawn and both these two are not letting up on their assaults!" Pinkie spoke.

"Pinkie, can you explain to me something?" Dash asked her fellow commentator.

"Sure! What'da need to know?" Pinkie replied with a bubbly smile.

"How exactly does having a wrestling match solve either of their problems?"

Vinyl responded by slamming her face into the desk in front of the three, Pinkie taking a deep breath as well "Dashie... just don't question it."

Dash let out a low groan "Fine..."

Our exchange of blows lasted only about a good two minutes as Flash grabbed my arm and whipped me towards the ropes behind him as he ran the opposite direction, rebounding off the ropes and hitting me with an upward spear, before bringing me back down right on my spine.

"Sweet Faust above! Flash counters Wade with a huge spear into a spinebuster!" Vinyl yelled

Pinkie could only giggle as she spoke "A Spearbuster if you will Wondercolts!"

Dash let out a fake gag at Pinkie's pun as she replied "Yeah, well I doubt that will put Wade away after what he's done this match! The guy is like a freaking tank!"

As if to prove Dash's point, Flash went for the pin, only to have me kick out after a count of one and a half, Flash clearly furious by the result as he slammed his fists into the mat as soon as he got off me.

Getting to my feet, I looked into Flash's eyes. filled with blind anger and contempt, something I was a bit too familiar with than I'd like to be. Approaching the Flash and the Furious, the two of us locked up as I asked a simple, yet effective question "So Flash...how'd you fall for the phoenix of the fall formal?"

Caught off guard, Flash replied with a stumbled "Sh-shut up and fight!"

"Alright...but if I win, you have to tell me how you and Sunshine got together! Deal?"

Flash thought for a second before muttering under his breath "Fine...."

"COOL! Now, let's end this!" I said with a grin as I pushed Flash away from me and ran back, rebounding off the ropes and using the spring of the mat to propel me into the air as I flipped straight over Flash, wrapping my right arm under his neck in the process as I brought both me and Flash down backwards onto the mat, Flash's back and neck coming down on the cushioned mat

"BY THE GODS ABOVE! WADE PULLED OFF HIS FINISHING MOVE! THE DEADPOOL! BAH GOD IT REALLY IS CHRISTMAS FANS!" Vinyl yelled at the top of her lungs

"What the hell! Is Wade some sort of ninja?!" Dash asked, stunned by the spectacle in front of her.

"Umm...yeah. Wade is in fact a certified ninja Dashie." Pinkie added.

"Wait...REALLY?! That's so awesome!"

Did she do the thing?

What thing?

You know, the thing!

WHAT THING?!

THIS THING --> :rainbowkiss:

Oh right...eh, probably.

She tried that in the first movie. It didn't go too well.

You're no fun, Brad.

I write you. That's fun.

....shit that's good...

After landing the move, I rolled over to Flash, pinning his shoulders to the mat as quick as I could as AJ slid over and started the count

"ONE! TWO! THREE!"

The bell chimed as I made my way to my feet, offering a hand to my opponent as I heard the crowd cheer my name at full volume.

Flash could only stare at my display of sportsmanship, slapping it away and getting up himself as I shrugged it off and turned to the crowd , throwing up my twin fingers to a large pop.

"And that's it folks! Our new Canterlot High Champion is Wade "Deadpool" Wilson! " Dash exclaimed.

"Umm..Dashie...this wasn't for the belt..."

"Really?! Well that's dumb..."

"Yeah, the belt isn't on the line into this weekend at SuperSlam" Pinkie announced.

As AJ Raised my hand in the center of the ring I watched Flash blindly make his way out of the gym, clearly not happy with the result of the match 'Note to Self, don't forget about talking to Flash later.'

Noted.

Heh, gotta love the perks of being a fourth wall breaker...

Then all of a sudden I felt AJ tug me towards her as she kicked me in the gut and grabbed onto my head with both arms and spun around, sitting down to bring my head slamming into her shoulder as I felt to the mat.

"Did we just get Stone Cold Stunnered by Applejack?"

Eeyup.

As I lay there, AJ bent over and whispered "Ah told you not to show mah sister those games."

I nodded, taking a deep breath as I rolled out of the ring.

"Okay, first off." Sunset then slapped me, "Never insult me like that in front of the ENTIRE SCHOOL!"

"Ow...okay geez, Babe." I replied as I rubbed my cheek.

"Second, where the hell did you learn those moves?!"

"Eh...I didn't. I was kinda just winging it the entire time."

"But what about your 'signature moves'?"

"Babe....Announcers make shit up like that all the time."

"Ugh..." Sunset then looked at her watch. an evil grin on her face. "and finally...you owe me a hundred bucks."

"Hold on...what?" I spoke, confused as all hell, until it hit me. "OH SHIT! I FORGOT ABOUT THE PAPER!"

Author's Note

Mind's Eye, you are a genius. I absolutely love my new theme!

Yeah, for those reading, I put out a request for Wade's entrance music in a couple of big groups and Mind's Eye won out with the Jay and Silent Bob classic.

YUP! But it seems that my battle with the notorious Waifu Stealer is far from over! And Deadpoolmania will continue to run wild NEXT TIME! ON DEADPOOL'S EQUESTRIA GIRLS ADVENTURES!

I Ain't No Superman

I'ma just put this here

"You finish it?" I heard Sunset ask as I slowly got up to go to my room.

I blinked, half awake from spending the entire night writing my English paper "What?"

"Did you finish the paper?" She repeated, "How long have you been at this?"

I looked at the oven timer, inwardly yelling as I read the time as '5:00 A.M'. "Uh....7 hours? I dunno...hold on." I then turned to the sound of my alarm clock, which I disposed of by pulling out a small detonator, smiling at the sound of the explosion of the blaring device.

Sunset sighed "Next time how bout you put your pride on the back burner and do your school work instead?"

I sleepily waved her off as I made my way into my room, changing from my costume that I had kept on throughout the night as I heard the sound of the shower start up in the other room.

"Shouldn't we shower? We did just compete in a wrestling match."

Why not wait an hour or so? She might be using the hot water. (Yes, I changed my font color.)

"It's not like any of the other heroes shower after fighting criminals all day."

Or maybe they do and they just never tell.

Jeez, that water bill must be absurd!

Making my way to the living room, I watched as Balto jumped into my lap and began licking my face. "OKAY DUDE! I GET IT! YOU LOVE ME!" I sighed inwardly as thought to the girl in the shower. "If only I could get her to as well..."

As soon as we stepped onto the bus, we were met by the familiar voice of the resident douche who me and Dash had lovingly dubbed "Jerkwad."

"HEY LOOK! IT'S THE FREAK!"

... Does this guy have ANYTHING else up his sleeve?

I was about to respond, but as soon as I took another step, I was drowned out by another student's call, the rest of the students all letting out a loud cheer in response, "HEY LOOK! IT'S SUPERMAN!"

Raising an eyebrow, I looked to the student, who wore yet another familiar face as this world's resident smile nazi, Colgate.

"Isn't she called Minuette in the show?"

What's canon and what's not canon in this universe is mine to choose.

"Fair enough."

We control your world, nay, your very existence.

I passed Jerkwad, flipping him off as I approached the Minty Fresh female, sitting next to her as I felt the bus begin rolling.

"Superman?"

"YEAH! You were flying around like crazy yesterday! It's trending like crazy on Buzzard!" Colgate responded, holding up her phone to my face.

I narrowed my eyes at the device, reading the now hundreds of Tweets that were filling the screen, all reading the same "#Superman" in each of them "Well that's gonna get annoying."

"Why?" Colgate asked.

"Cause I'm nothing like Supes. He's an icon of truth, justice, and being a stalwart hero. I'm an icon of living in the grey. Doing what you have to do to survive in a world of heroes. Comparing me to him is like comparing an apple to a potato." I responded, Colgate looking at me with a raised eyebrow.

"It's just a nickname. You'll get over it" She replied, waving me off as she went back to her phone.

I sighed, using the bumpy bus ride to seat hop back to my regular seat as I heard Dash chuckle. "You should be glad they called you something nice. I had the school calling me Lightning Bolt all Elementary School because I thought I heard thunder in the middle of Winter."

"Yeah, but high school is different. Once it goes viral, no one will let me out of it." I replied, rolling my eyes "The curse of the modern age."

Dash only smirked, pointing her thumb to her fire-haired friend "Yeah, I know. Sunset learned that the hard way."

Sunset looked at Dash, her lips curved into a sneer "Oh ha ha Dash. Make fun of the girl who has a term dedicated to bullying her."

Dash shrugged, reminding me of Gary Oak as she looked away from her friend in a smug display of body language. "Not my fault you decided to get drunk."

Sunset punched Dash's shoulder hard in response, Rainbow letting out a loud grunt.

Making my way to my locker, I could only groan as pretty much anyone I passed called out to me in some way to nail in the new nickname. It didn't help that outside of this school, my lifestyle completely contradicts the new nickname. There's a reason I'm not Canada's version of Captain America...

Finally making it to my locker, I paused as I heard the sound of two familiar voices yelling at each other from down the hall.

"PIKACHU!"

"AGUMON!"

"BUTTERFREE!"

"WIZARDMON!"

"LUCARIO!"

"RENAMON!"

"ARCEUS!"

"HUANGLONGMON!"

NINETALES! ... What?

As I approached the sound of the yelling, I was met by the sight of a small crowd formed around the two faces of Fluttershy and Pinkie Pie, Pinkie sporting a vintage season 1 Ash hat that seemed to be just barely holding on her head as her hair fought to explode the hat from the inside, While Flutters held a small Tamagotchi looking device in her hands, waving it around like a maniac in front of the Ponk That Runs The Party.

"What's going on?" I asked RD, who was standing on the outside of the ring of students

"Fluttershy and Pinkie are having another nerd off. Ever since Pinkie found out Fluttershy is a Digimon fanatic, they've been at each other's throats about it." Dash replied, her vision not swaying from the two's argument for a second.

"What is this? The nineties?!" I exclaimed, throwing my arms up in frustration as I began to watch the two.

"Pokemon is literally the same game it's always been since 20 years ago! Another three hundred new designs don't make a game better! Especially when the slogan is 'Gotta catch em all'! I'd rather rewatch Data Squad then have to sit through having to catch seven hundred Pokemon in a game that boils down to being glorified cockfights!"*

Yep, they went there. Everyone who doesn't want controversy/spoilers, leave.

"Well I'd rather listen to the 2.B.A. Master album then have to sit through another episode of the 'dub' that only consists of lame puns and a protagonist that not only abuses his supposed 'partner' to force him to evolve, something Ash or Red would never do, but is also a thickheaded numbskull who can't lead a team to save his life! If it weren't for Izzy, those kids would have died to an Elvis Impersonating Monkey who never shuts the heck up!"

"Well, at least my characters develop! Ash has been ten years old for over twenty years, and has only caught like thirty Pokemon at best! And half of those were starters who he just 'got' because he's the protagonist! Tai may have been stubborn and thickheaded, but at least he grows beyond a ten-year-old who is too oblivious to notice that he has passed up at least five different opportunities for waifu material! How do you even do that!"

"Oh really?! Well why don't we talk about shipping then Fluttershee! Tai got his crush taken away when she became a groupie to the Sasuke of the group, Davis had no chance with Kari to begin with, Takato is too busy dealing with the fact that his crush has been traumatized by the physical manifestation of an antivirus system, Takuya is got his girl taken away by an overweight chocolate addict, and Marcus is too busy punching kaiju in the face! And shall we not forget the giant middle finger that was the 02 epilogue!"

I leaned in next to Dash, whispering to her as I watched the fireworks go off. "Does this happen often?"

Dash sighed "Yeah. It stopped a while ago, but after Digimon Tri was announced they've been at it like crazy"

Hanging my head in disappointment, I fought through the crowd and stepped between the two yelling at the top of my lungs as I pushed them apart "ANDREA! SHUT THE HELL UP!"

Both of them immediately shook their heads and stared at me in response, either from confusion or to snap them back to reality.

"But Wade! Pokemon is so much better!" Pinkie immediately yelled into my ear as soon as she had gotten her bearings.

"No! Digimon is way better!" Fluttershy yelled into my other ear, albeit in her signature quiet tone.

"I DON'T CARE!" I yelled back, looking to Pinkie first "Look Pinkie, we can argue all you want about nostalgia and shit, but Digimon will always have the superior anime, no matter how many years Ash has under his belt."

I turned back to Fluttershy, stopping her before she could respond by putting my finger to her mouth "Shush you. Now Buttershy, you can't argue that Digimon has no comparison to Pokemon when it comes to games. They've been beating Digimon for years."

"But-" I heard Pinkie start as I turned back to her "Pinkie. Shush." I took a step back and looked them both eye to eye. "Now let me ask you both a question: Why do you think that is? Why do you think that Digimon has the better quality anime? And why do you Pokemon has always had the better games? I'll tell you why. Because Pokemon started as a game and became an anime. And Digimon started as an anime and became a game. Both were great, in their original form, but the transfer from one medium to another made them less great. So both of you shut the fuck up, and get to-"

It was then the bell rang as I hung my head and let out a long sigh as everyone around me rushed off to their classes "Fuck...."

*This was written BEFORE the release of Sun and Moon, so those who are going straight to the comments to correct me in the inevitable flame war, know that 1: I don't really CARE which is better, and 2: That I know Sun and Moon changed up the formula.

Finally making my way to the Chemistry lab, I entered the room only to see Pinkie already sitting in her usual spot one seat away to the left of my spot right next to the window in the back. "Did you really have to make such a big deal about something like that in the hall Pinkie?"

Pinkie scoffed at that, her Ash hat still stuck on top of her head doing its damnedest to not fly into a hundred pieces from the force of Pinkie's hair pushing to free itself from the cage that is the hat "Fluttershy and I have those all the time! Don't worry about it too much."

At that, Mr. Neutron entered the room, the class going dead silent as he quietly made his way to the desk in the front of the class. When he got to it, I could sense that something was off about the teacher, as his stone faced gaze scanned the room like a vulture "So I have a few things I need to address before we start class together. First off, to the one who decided to spray paint Sunset Shimmer's locker with derogatory and discriminating remarks about her past, either step up now and apologize, or face the risk of permanent expulsion from this school, as well as any school in this county. This extends to anyone who assisted or participated in this act of personal harassment and destruction of school property."

The class sat there for a solid minute in dead silence as the sound of the class clock ticked away, Mr. Neutron finally breaking the silence to the sweet relief of the class "So no one in this class was involved? Okay then..." The chem teacher spoke, narrowing his eyes as he leaned onto the desk "And should anyone in this class be lying, just trust me when I say, we will find you."

The class took a collective gulp as the chem teacher switched back to his goofy persona "Now onto the second item of our early morning agenda. Next week the school will be holding it's annual trip to Camp Everfree, which I will be one of the chaperones for. All students are required to attend this trip as part of the curriculum. Please bring proper camping gear and clothing."

"This school has a camping trip as part of the required curriculum?"

"That sounds silly."

It IS ridiculous. This is the day and age where people only communicate verbally through Skype. Going camping has all of one word to describe it: meaningless.

I mean....eh...I like camping...it's fun

Oh trust me, watch the other movies. This school's curriculum is fucking nuts

As class continued, I felt a nudge from Pinkie as she began to whisper into my ear "Yo, you wanna stop by my house later? I'd love to get you into one of my vidyas!"

I could only smirk at the thought. I mean it's not like it'd be the first time I'd have cameoed on a Youtube channel. After Parker's failed attempt at a Youtube channel, I've had plenty of experience with the Youtube scene...plus that time I crashed the Honest Trailers Deadpool video. That was a good time. "Sure, anytime ma sistah from another mistah."

Walking through the halls following my English Class, I couldn't help but notice yet another pair of familiar faces, both of them sneaking into an abandoned hallway , something this school has way too much of

And by too much, you mean has any.

"Seriously did this school get built by the mob?"

"Probably some Union thing."

Eh.....most likely just the writers not having been to an actual High School in years...

'Das a lotta burnt lightbulbs.

Pulling my best Solid Snake, I snuck as close as I could to the pair, keeping my movements as comically exaggerated so Brad could describe them in detail.

Unless I don't. Which I'm not.

OH FUCK OFF! Ugh....Some people just don't understand comedy...

"Lyra I don't understand why we have to hide our relationship like this."

"Do you want to become the new Sunset Shimmer? Society isn't kind to the gay Bon Bon!"

"It's been getting better I have to say. I mean if two rocks from space can be gay in a kids show than anything's game." I interrupted them, putting in my own two cents.

They both reacted accordingly, the pink and blue swirl haired double Bon hiding behind her Toothpaste colored spooning partner who held up her fists "WHAT DO YOU WAN....oh hey, it's Superman!" Lyra spoke.

I inwardly groaned, slightly peeved by the new nickname.

LANGUAGE!

What? I didn't even swear that time.

You said Peeved. That's a swear in Equestria.

It is? Damn, they be weaksauce there. That's not even on my three hundred word swear dictionary.

"We're gonna do another blog post of that right?"

Eh...I'll get around to it.

Regulations, man, c'mon.

Yes, just like you'll get around to writing this chapter.

Shut up before I stop writing. I'll explain my reasons for this chapter taking so long in the Author's notes.

Whatever you say Jackass.

"So what is the deal with you two sneaking away from the crowd? It's not illegal to be gay around here...I think."

Bon Bon blushed at that, clearly embarrassed by being called out on her gender identity. Not that I would know. I don't have a gender identity.

"I thought we agreed our G.I. was just Deadpool."

"That's what the comic writers said. What do you say, Brad?"

Wade is whatever the hell sexuality I write him as.

Bit pushy, but I'll take it.

Lyra spoke up in her girlfriend's defense "You can't go around making out with another chick man! This is high school! You get seen being gay around here and you get turned into the next Sunset Shimmer!"

I winced at that. Was Sunset really that unpopular at this school? I mean I get the whole 'taking over Equestria' thing and the fact she was a bit of a bitch before that but is it really this bad? I have a lot of work to do.... "Dude fuck that. Like I told Flash, High School popularity is a bunch of bullshit used by the 'cool kids' to keep them above the rest of the school!"

Bon Bon finally.....hold on is it Bon Bon or Sweetie Drops?

In the canon, it's both. As for here...Bon Bon.

Kay. Bon Bon stuck her head out from behind her hand obsessed lover, asking a question I was glad to answer in my signature wit. "So what do you suggest we do?"

I smirked "The same thing I do. Not give a shit. The system doesn't work if you refuse to acknowledge the system. Just show your love for each other unapologetically and tell anyone who makes fun of you for it to go to hell!"

"Do we have to be that vulgar?" Bon squared questioned.

"Nah, though it does usually work better when you do. Insecure teenagers are attracted more to swearing and all that shit. Most likely because they want to act older than they are. You know, all that rebellious spirit BS." I then grabbed the two of them and pushed them back into the hall "Now get our there and be gay!" I yelled as I watched the two go into the halls. holding hands as they walked.

Walking into the lunch room I couldn't help but take a whiff of the many smells that filled the room. The regret of eating the mystery meat. An overabundance of deodorant. The sweat of the typical teenage. All filled the air as I made my way to my typical table. It was like walking into a shmorgus board of different emotions wafting around the room. Looking around I could also spot a ton of different groups intermingling with each other. The football team all sitting together, most likely talking about their practice experiences and fantasy stats of the major league teams. Choir kids sitting together, most likely talking about finishing their Solfege on their songs, or whatever concerts were coming up. Different clubs grouped together speaking about their scheduled programs. It was the best thing about High school, hanging out with your friends at lunch. Hell, one could say Lunch was High school in a nutshell. Different groups of people forced to share the same space in the name of learning.

Making my way to my table, I couldn't help but over heard Vinyl and Dash arguing.

"It's gonna be trash! Another cash grab with a bunch of CGI to bank of the fad and add nothing now but the bullshit that every one of these remakes add for no reason!" Dash yelled.

"No way! It's gonna be glorious! The team behind it is dedicated to making this a treat for the fanbase and newcomers! The trailers are just showing the CGI to mock the fads! You saw the interviews! They intentionally did that to screw with expectations!" Vinyl argued back.

"What are you guys talking about?" I asked as I sat down next to my favorite grey goofball.

"They're talking about the new RWBY movie. The trailer dropped last night and it's got the fanbase split." Derpy clarified.

"Didn't they use Mo-cap in the show anyways? I mean I guess CGI isn't that bad. It's not like they didn't already use some weird ass tech to make the show anyways." I said, pulling a chimichanga out of my hammerspace lunch bag.

"SEE! HE GETS IT!" Vinyl yelled into my ear.

"Wade, you have to agree that it's gonna be a mess! They've got six seasons worth of content to shove into a..."

As the two argued I couldn't help but notice Flash sitting in the back of the lunch room, hiding away from the rest of the students in shame. Shoving my hand in front of Dash, I got up and made my way to the lone guitarist, sitting next to him and offering the ceremonial Twinkie. "Twinkie?"

Flash stared at the confectionery treat like it had shot his mother, disdain dripping from his face. "Wade...go away."

I smiled at him "Can't. You owe me an explanation."

He looked at me like I was nuts, which once again, isn't untrue. "Excuse me?"

"You know the deal. I won the match, so you gotta tell me how you and Sunshine got together. I'm all ears, bro." I said, the smug grin on my face bridging from ear to ear as I leaned on my hands against the table.

"Just.....leave me alone. You got the girl. You got everything you could ever want with her. Now just let me be." Flash sulked. Unfortunately for him, I wasn't going anywhere. Though....I couldn't help but see something I hadn't seen in a long time in him....a bit of myself. A man frustrated with his current position in life, his girl stolen away from him by a force out of his control, and forced to fight a fight he never wanted to be a part of....Hell if Flash was Ex-military he'd be exactly like me a couple decades ago.

Wade, what the fuck are you talking about? He's just a loser guitarist high schooler.

And not even THAT. All he has going for him is he has our waifu. I'm not sorry.

Eh, maybe I'm projecting a bit...

"A bit?"

"More like a shit ton!"

Whatever you guys, I just can't help but feel bad for the dude.

"Look Flash, You agreed to this and I'm not going away till I get some answers," I argued, sitting up to a more dignified position.

Flash let out a big sigh, relenting and starting his story. "It started the first day of middle school. All my friends from elementary school had moved on to sports and stuff like that. I had no one to talk to, then in the first class, she walked in. She looked so confused and alone...and yet gorgeous. She was like a fallen angel, descended from above, or at least that's what my middle school brain thought. So I decided to talk to her. We got close after a while and I asked her out. We became the talk of the school at first and I started to get pretty popular for it. The guys who became my band mates started talking to me around that time....and I think it went to Sunset's head. It was like she had gotten power for the first time, and she wanted more and more. Eventually, I saw it influence her and broke it off with her....but then Twilight came into the picture."

"Yeah, Twiggles always did have that effect on ponies." I remarked

Flash raised an eyebrow at that "Ponies?"

"Ummm...yeah dude, both your waifus are from a universe where everyone's a pony. Were you not listening to me during the match?"

"I was blocking you out." Flash retorted.

"Eh, most people do," I replied with a shrug.

Flash couldn't help but roll his eyes "I can't imagine why."

I smiled at that "Does this mean we're friends?"

Flash sneered at me in response, responding with a poignant "No. Now go back to your girls before I punch you in the face."

Deciding not to antagonize the boy any longer I got up and left the blue boy-toy and walked back over to my table, Dash and Vinyl still arguing.

As I sat down, Derpy looked at me with a concerned pair of orbs, a frown frustratingly filling her face to boot.

Why frustrating?

Cause tell me you would want to see Derpy frowning any time of the day.

"Touche."

"How did it go?" Derpy asked.

"Eh, I think I'm getting to him. Still got some work to do on it, but I'm getting there." I replied.

After entering the gym, I sat down next to my favorite Applefarmer, a single thought on my mind: "So what do you thunk Pinkie's gonna have me do for her Youtube thingy?"

"Ah dunno. I've been in a couple of them, and we just played some games involving guys with chainsaws on their guns...it was weird. Ah know Rarity played some Lawyer game series with her that's really popular on her channel or somethin' like that."

Ah Phoenix Wright. That does seem like something Rarity would enjoy.

Don't tell her he's in Mahvel 3.

Yeah, though I would like to get a bit more a crosshair on what type of game we'd be playing..."Any ideas on stuff she's been doing lately on the channel AJ?"

"Ah don't watch her. Ma internet on the farm isn't that great...Ah think Scooter over there would be able to tell you though."

TO THE CHIC-

it was then I felt a huge migraine go through my head, as if a nail was being hammered into my head, something I actually have previous experience with sadly. "What the hell?"

AJ looked at me with a concerned look. "You okay?"

"I think..." Am I okay?

You know not to make that joke....

Oh yeah....that's your trigger phrase, isn't it? Sorry, it's been a year, kinda rusty on your Trigger McNuggets.

Just don't do it again Asshole.

Roger Roger~

Making my way downtown, walking fast and I'm....hold on...that's the lyrics to that song I have stuck in my head now...not what I'm doing currently...Hmmm...what am I doing right now again?

Going to talk to Scootaloo about Pinkie?

Right, Right, Right...got distracted. Gotta further the plot, unlike you in the last year.

Alright, we get it. Stop beating that horse.

"Yeah eventually it's gonna file an assault charge and we're gonna have to deal with its lawyers."

"That or we knock it up like Sunset."

Too Soon Crazy....too soon.

ANYWAYS!

Oh yeah...the plot.

Making my way over to the resident future X-Games competitor, I scooted over and whispered into her ear "Yo....Scoots...I got invited to one of Pinkie's Youtube thingys...any ideas on what I'm gonna be playing?"

Scootaloo looked at me, smirking at me and just whispering "Oh you'll see" before looking back to see the gym teacher, Mr. Sergeant, walking up to us "Oh crap... here we go again."

The former Drill Sergeant locked eyes with me, getting right up in my face " WILSON ARE YOU TALKING DURING CLASS?!"

"Ummm.....yes? Are we not allowed to converse during gym?" I ask as innocently as possible.

The Drill Ser- I mean Gym teacher narrows his eyes, ending the conversation with one stern phrase "Three laps Wilson."

"Ugh...fine."

Making my way to my locker to grab my stuff after a long day, my plot convenient hearing perked up as I heard the sounds of petty squabbles coming from down the hall. Assuming it was another nerd fight between the Ponk and Butterscotch, I decided to ignore it at first, but then a poignant phrase rang through my ears.

"WITCH!"

Squinting my eyes, I ceased all movement and cleaned out my ears to listen in to the pertinent conversation, slowly creeping my way over to the source of the heresy. And as soon as I turned the corner, I saw it, Sunset walking down the hall on the way to the bus, every student she passes saying something along the lines of "Witch" or "Demon" or something along those lines....it was clear...I had a LOT of work to do.

It was that moment when I decided...I need to start a revolution.

Walking over to Sunset, I grabbed her by the arm, her looking at me confused at first, but the moment I started walking with her, she noticed the difference, most of the kids we pass now holding they tongue, though I did hear some whisper to others around them. I may be no superman...but maybe to these kids, I can be a Crusader.

"That sounded corny as fuck."

All your 80s are belong to us.

"Bombastic, Corny as hell, stupidly over the top..."

Like a shitty fanfiction?

Was that the intent?

Yup!

Well then...I guess it worked.

Either way....back to the plot?

Ah yes, the plot.

As we got on the bus, I immediately flipped off the boy I have lovingly dubbed "Jerkwad" and took a seat with Sunset, Rainbow joining us shortly after "So...another shitty day?" I asked the girl who was obviously having yet another shitty day.

Sunset looked at the ground, almost ashamed to answer "Yeah...."

"Hey....fuck them. Forget they exist and just be happy."

Sunset glared at me, "It's not that simple Wade"

"Maybe it can be," I responded with a shit eating grin.

Sunset got up, moving to the back of the bus as it started rolling, me only being able to watch her sit sadly a couple rows back as RD started droning on about Soccer.

As I approached Pinkie's house, I noted the bland, grey exterior of stones and mortar, minus one portion of the house, painted bright ass pink, juxtapose to the entire rest of the house, as if it was screaming at the top of its lungs, "NOTICE ME! I'M PINKIE PIE AND I'M AMAZING!". I couldn't help but smile at that. For as long as I've known Pinkie ever since that weird ass day when Boomstick and Wiz dropped me into Equestria for no reason on my fucking birthday, we've been best pals ever since. Admittedly it's not the weirdest day in my life, but-

"We're getting a little off track aren't we?"

Right...what were we talking about?

"Pinkie?"

Oh yeah...Ponka. Anyways, Pinkie always had this energy to her, like she does a daily dose of fifty shots of Red Bull and yet somehow never crashes. Plus the fact that she can break the fourth wall makes being friends with her a unique experience, to say the least.

"Still wondering what we're gonna be playing."

"Maybe a Shooter or some Saints Row?"

"Whelp...no time to find out like the present!" I said to the audience as I knocked on the door.

It took a minute, but eventually one of Pinkie's many sisters answered the door "Hello? Oh...it's you" the girl who I quickly identified as Pinkie's younger sister Marble Pie.

"Heyo! Where's Ponka?" I asked, a goofy grin on my face as I walked up, rubbing the bottom of my shoes on the door mat and taking them off in the front foyer.

You being polite? Le gasp that must be totally out of character, everyone, complain in the comments!

HEY! don't do that! I'm not a savage! I know when to be a complete douche and be as impolite as possible, and when to be a gentleman and keep the inside of a nice house clean.

Ehhhhhh......

EHHHHHHHH....

EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

EEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!!!!

WOW...fuck all of you!

Marble broke my inner hate boner by actually answering my question, though it was softened even more than it already was with her Fluttershy like shyness through her long hair "she's in the basement waiting for you."

"Alright, thanks!" I said as I made my way to the basement.

As I walked down the stairs, I couldn't help but notice the decorations of the staircase, making it seem as if I was crawling down into a medieval dungeon, though I guess that makes sense with the whole "Obsessed with Rocks." theme the pie family is going with....but then...I saw the basement. At the bottom of the stairs, sat the group of Pinkie, Rarity, Berry Punch, a girl who was clearly into her late 20s who looked like a hippy straight out of Woodstock, and finally Maud....all sitting around a large round table...all decked out in different LARPing class gear....christ....

"Welcome to Dungeons and Dumbasses Wade...."

Author's Note

Alright, time to address the elephant in the room....where the fuck I've been and what took this chapter so long?

Yes Brad...what DID take this so long?

Well...in a word....Drive. I have been mulling over the chapter for over a year at this point, and for a simple reason: I got bored. The stuff I'm most excited about, the stuff that is actually really awesome that I really want to get into....comes later. It's a problem I think a lot of writers have, where they come up with a this amazing concept very early on, then they realize they have to set up character arcs, plot threads, storylines, all to lead up to this amazing concept. And while the stuff leading up to it isn't bad...it's just really offputting to a writer to have ideas bubbling in your head that you can't use because the story isn't ready for them yet. I DO plan on finishing this, mark my words I WILL finish this, but for the last year, I've just kinda been stuck in this rut of sitting down the write, then having no ideas to write. Luckily, the next chapter is something I'm SUPER excited about and will be putting out in the next month or so. So get ready for a DnD spectacular featuring the likes of Rarity the Archer, Treehugger the Wizard, Berry Punch the Bard, Wade the Barbarian , and Pinkie the Paladin all under the watchful eye of Dungeon Master Maud NEXT TIME ON THE EQUESTRIA GIRLS ADVENTURES OF DEADPOOL!

WHY ARE THEY HUMANS AND WHY AM I A TEENAGER?!

Deadpool’s Equestria Girls Adventures

Chapter one

WHY ARE THEY HUMANS AND WHY AM I A TEENAGER?!

Hey there. Name’s Wade Wilson although you probably know me better as DEADPOOL! Sorry force of habit….anyways this is the story of my wacky adventures in the Ponyverse!

I groaned as I heard my alarm clock go off. I took a quick look at it before grabbing my favorite magnum and blasting the stupid buzzer into oblivion “Writer you better have a good reason to wake me up at seven in the morning!”

“Yeah! We were in the middle of a sexy dream session with our vampire wife!” Crazy whined

“Didn’t she and the rest of our family die in the latest arc of the comics?” Stuffy asked

“Yeah that was not exactly a good day for us. Stupid Avengers screwing with the universe! Anyways writer, give me one good reason why I shouldn’t blow your brains out!”

This is my own take on the Marvel meets Ponies idea....centering around you

“Oh….OH! Sweeet.”

I got up and got dressed, feeling as if something important was gonna happen today

“I’m walkin’ on Sunshine! WOAH OH OH! I’m walkin’ on Sunshine WOAH OH OH! I’m gonna feel good!” I sang as I showered

I got out of the shower and hopped to the next scene where I had my costume on and prepared to take my daily trip through the multiverse. I of course planned to visit my favorite ponyverse where my friend Pinkie lived. We have picnics every Thursday. Anyways, upon entering the void between the universes I spotted a universe I had never seen before. It looked as if it were the world where all the humanized brony fan art from Deviantart existed together. Either way, it sparked my interest and I hopped into the universe.

The moment I entered I found several things alarming, the first of which was my appearance.

“Wait…why am I a teenager?!| Geez, is this what Kidpool was going through? Man puberty sucks!”

I then noticed my location as I seemed to be standing in front of a large high school with a horse statue in front of the school

“Oh god! Am I in Hasbro’s version of High School Musical?! That reference is soooooo early 2000s!” I yelled as I saw a group of familiar faces exiting the school wearing peculiar jackets and orange tinted glasses

One of the girls noticed me and waved me over “HEY! WADE, OVER HERE!” the human Pinkie called over

“Yo! Pinkster! What’s up?” I answered back as I walked up to the group of girls

“Aw not much just hanging with my crew!” Pinkie replied back

For those of you wondering how I know a Pinkie that I’ve technically never met short answer: Fuck you I’m Deadpool Long answer: As fourth wall ignorers Pinkie and I know each other in every possible reality due to our memories being linked by the writers

“Ummm Pinkie…who is this guy?” Asked a hot flame haired girl that gave me a weird look

“Oh this is Wade Wilson…he’s a friend of mine.” Pinkie answered back

“Howdy! What’s with all the gear?” I asked

"Perhaps they are headed off to fight the zombie apocalypse!"

Nah not enough guns to fight off zambies…I should know

“Me and the girls were off to face Crystal Prep’s airsoft team” Pinkie answered back

“Airsoft? You girls airsoft?” I asked in confusion

“Yeah….Hey Pinkie how about we leave you alone with your old friend here while we set up?” the flame haired girl suggested

“Wow! That would be great! See Sunset! You are learning!” Pinkie replied with glee

“Yeah well don’t be late” Sunset answered back nervously as the other girls walked off

“So Wade what’s new with you?” Pinkie asked as she slung her arm around me

“Eh…Not much. Fought off an army of evil mes with the main universe Deadpool last week. ” I replied

“Cool…hey what happened to your skin?” Pinkie asked me

“What about it? It’s just as cancer ridden as always!” I laughed back

“Is it? Wade look at your back!” Pinkie yelled as she pulled up my costume revealing a clear back that was free of any type of blemish let alone a tumor

“Well then…” ‘thinking…..thinking…..*ding!* IDEA!’ “Hey Pinkie anyway you could hook me up with that Sunset chick? She is like smokin’ hot!”

“Not unless you can beat our group in an airsoft match” Pinkie added

“Ummmm…..master mercenary! “ I spoke gesturing to myself “An airsoft match against a bunch of high school girls will be a synch!”

Pinkie let out a laugh and smiled “You’ll see Wade….you’ll see”

Pinkie and I made it to the forest that lined the back of the town “Ah! The smell of the outdoors! Smells like Wolvie before he takes his monthly bath!” I exclaimed

Pinkie simply smiled and ran ahead to meet up with her friends that awaited her as a large abandoned building came into view

“Wade. Welcome to Castle CinderPly! Home base of Team Shooting For Friendship!” Pinkie announced as the other girls walked out

“Sorry Pinkie but the Crystal Prep team canceled on us. Looks like we don’t have any one to face today.” The Human Rainbow Dash said in an annoyed tone

“Well don’t you worry Dashie because I have a replacement! Meet Wade Wilson!” Pinkie spoke as she gestured to me

“Pinkie no offence but he’s just one guy and he doesn’t even look like he’s much of a shot.” Rainbow replied

I gave her a look of disbelief through my mask ‘NOT MUCH OF A SHOT!? OH IT IS ON LIKE DONKEY KONG SISTER!’

“You and your girls versus me in a one shot to kill match….and the winner gets to choose the loser’s fate” I spoke in a serious tone

There is no way we could lose to a bunch of girls!

Considering what has happened to us recently I wouldn't bet against it

Hold on….Writer I thought we agreed that I was a brony! How in the hell do I not know about EQG?!

You’ve been on missions so often that you’ve fell behind in the series…you do realize season five is half over at this point right? They just released the third movie last weekend.

Really? Well fuck. I need to catch up! I’m still half way into Season four! Where was I when this happened?

You were still recovering from the whole Princess Twilight fiasco and you skipped EQG because…well the same reason you said earlier in the story….

Which was?

High School Musical Syndrome

Oh….right

Anyways back to the story

Rainbow Dash shot me a smirk and shook my hand “Deal”

I prepped my airsoft AK that I “borrowed” from a local hobby shop and filled it with ammo along with my airsoft magnum revolver that was prepped and ready

“ALRIGHT! I’M READY!” I yelled across the building

A foghorn went off and I made my way through the building. I spotted a rainbow blur running through the hall across from me and I took aim.

As Dash dashed (Ha!) across the hall I let out a short burst of pellets hitting her in the chest

“AW COME ON!” I heard Dash rage as she walked back to the safe zone

I walked down the hall and began to turn the corner to the right when I spotted the pair of Applejack and Rarity, the former wielding an Airsoft M-60 machine gun that was mounted on a bipod on a couple of boxes and the latter wielding an M16A4 model just around the corner

‘Hmmm…Alright, Serious Wade mode ACTIVATE!’ I thought as I thought out my plan of attack

‘Alright brain! Time to get to work!’

“Well we have to figure out a way to get around that MG….perhaps a distraction?”

“Rock throwing time!“

Alright!

I picked up a rock and using my awesome skill, I threw it from around the corner across the hall bouncing it off the wall behind the two girls having it land just to the right of them in the connecting hall
____________________________________
I DP
I / _______________________
I I I
I I I
I I=I I Iʌ____________________
I AJ R I / \
I____________V_____x___________________

Ummm…Wade what the hell is that?

I drew a picture of how I threw the rock!

You do realize it’s impossible to change directions mid flight

Fuck yo Physics mumbo jumbo! I do what I like!

The rock distraction worked perfectly drawing the attention of the two girls but the moment I stepped into the hall I was shot at by a remote pistol that fired automatically which missed but scared the chimichangas out of me

“What…”

“The…”

Flufflpuff?!

Look down

What?

I looked down to see a hair thin (literally) strand of pink hair that ran the width of the hall

‘A Trip Wire! Using Fluttershy’s hair?! Clever….wait…oh crap they know I’m here!’

Without thinking I shot AJ with a burst of pellets taking her out but had to dodge Rarity’s shots using my awesome reflexes

“There’s a reason they call me Ninja Spiderman!” I yelled as I shot up the marshmallow lady

“Shoot! Well I guess it’s up to Sunset and Pinkie for this one” Applejack said as the two of them made their way to the safe zone

‘I wonder why they didn’t mention Fluttershy’

“Weird….I have a bad feeling about-“

“No! Don’t finish that sentence! You’ll jinx us!”

‘Yeah Stuffy! You know not to anger RNJesus!’

Wade….that’s for luck based games…..this is luck in general

'Silence! RNJesus has spoken!'

I made my way down the stairs to the lower level of the fort only to find a room full of boxes on the right of the bottom of the stairs

‘If I were a Pinkie Pie….Definitely.’

“Metal Gear…..”

*facepalm*

I started flipping boxes over one by one until I got to the back of the room with the last box when out of the box jumped a wild Pinkie Pie!

"SURPRISE!" Pinkie yelled as she popped out of her hiding spot and fired off her rifle

I smiled as I teleported behind her and shot her in the back of the head with my magnum

“AW COME ON! THAT’S CHEATING!” Pinkie whined

“It would be on anyone else but you could have warped reality so it wouldn’t have hit you” I reminded her

Pinkie pouted in defeat. “Yeah, you’re right….I tend not to use my powers when I’m with my friends…..I don’t want to fry their brains” Pinkie said as she walked off the safe zone

Hold on….why can't I just use my teleporting powers to easily beat them?

Because it would ruin the story. Besides,your powers are limited by the world you are in. Your Cancer isn't the only change in this world you know. Anyways I'd find Sunset. She's waiting for you in the courtyard.

What about Flutterbutter?

Read the script

But…..spoilers!

“When has that ever stopped us before?”

I only read ahead when it’s the stuff in the middle! I never read the ending! If I did I would be ruining the surprise!.....besides….last time I read ahead to the ending I ended up dying….I got better though….My life is weird

“And you’re just figuring this out?”

Shut it Stuffy

I made my way into the center square of the building and stared down the flame haired vixen that stood on the other end of the square

“Ready to lose you soulless freak?” Sunset asked

“How did you know I used to be a ginger?!” I asked as the hottie rolled her eyes

We both reached for our side arms but just as I had my revolver in my grasp I was hit five times from an unseen foe

First right between the eyes, Second in the Adam’s apple, Third in the heart, fourth on the barrel of my revolver and the final hit on the tip of my dick

I grabbed between my legs in pain before yelling in my falsetto “WHAT THE ACTUAL PHILOMENA! DID I JUST GET SHOT BY FLAPJACKING ANNIE OAKLEY?!”

The Fiery haired fox walked over to me and whispered into my ear “Nope….Just Fluttershy” She then turned and shot a thumbs up to a figure on the roof as the sniper quietly yelled “yay!”

“Son of a biscuit” I muttered under my breath

“Well, You girls certainly schooled me” I said to the group of girls

“Ya certainly held your own Wade but challenging a world champion airsoft team wasn’t yer best decision” AJ replied with a smile

“Yeah…wait…YOU GIRLS ARE WORLD CHAMPS?!”

“With their skill I’m not surprised”

“That Fluttershy is a BEAST!”

‘It's always the quiet ones you got to watch out for’

“Yeah…we won last year’s Vancouver Survival Games….all thanks to Sunset here” Fluttershy answered wrapping her arm around Sunset’s shoulder in a hug

“Hey it wasn’t just me. We all did it.” Sunset said with a grin

“Yeah,Yeah. Now about that deal…” I said as I grinned innocently

“What deal?” Sunset asked

“Don’t worry about it Sunset.” Rainbow said to her fiery friend

“So….what is my fate?” I nervously asked

Pinkie Pie gave an evil grin as an idea formed in her head. She whispered to Rainbow and Dash looked at her impressed

“You know Pinkie you can be evil when you want to you know that?” Dash asked her pink friend

Pinkie simply grinned and replied “I know!”

Rainbow turned to me and spoke with a devilish grin “Okay Wade….your fate is….A date….with Sunset.”

Sunset turned to Rainbow in a state of shock “The hell Dash! I don’t want to date this freak!”

“Don’t worry Sunset. It’s just one date.” Pinkie answered back in a fiendish tone

‘Ummmm I thought this was supposed to be a punishment….’

Oh it will be Wade….just you wait.

“Oh dear….”

“Well that’s not fucking ominous! “

“Ugh…fine. I’ll meet you at Potso’s Pizza in two hours….Wade.” Sunset relented knowing from experience that once Pinkie has something planned in her mind she will literally bend the laws of reality to make it so

“Ummmm…cool? Wait…can I have an address?” I asked in confusion

Sunset begrudgingly pulled out a pad of paper and a pen and wrote down the address muttering equestrian profanities towards
the two schemers next to her and handed it to me

“Cool. See you in in two hours!” I said before walking off and teleporting to my apartment once I was out of sight

I finally got myself into my only penguin suit I had and looked in the mirror tucking a comb in my coat pocket

“I might need you later….and you” I said as I grabbed a condom and hid it in my wallet

“When was the last time we actually used our wallet?”

“Good Question....hold on. If I just had the Deadpool Vs. Deadpool Event happen then how am I still alive?”

You got out before Dreadpool got to you.

Interesting....Why do I feel like that's gonna bite me in the ass sooner or later.... oh well! Now, I just need to find this place” I replied as I pulled out my Iphone and pulled up my Google maps app

“Hmm…it doesn’t seem to be working…Oh right! I have to activate the multidimensional technobabble!”

I smacked the phone with my free hand and the map pulled up the address

“Sweet! Time to woo my fiery fox of a date!” I said as I teleported to the location

I sat outside the small pizzeria and waited for my date

‘I wonder why she chose this place….kinda obscure for a date night….we could have gone to see a movie instead…oh well’ I thought as I heard the roar of a muscle car turning the corner

I looked to my right and saw my date pull up in a black 79 Pontiac Trans Am Firebird that had a custom airbrushed phoenix on the hood that’s flames rode down the sides of the car emanating from the wings and a red and yellow sun painted on the roof of the car

“Damn girl! Nice ride!” I said whistling at the ride only for my date to exit the vehicle in a black leather trench coat and a deep blue dress that ended at her ankles. Along with it she had matching high heels that she obviously hadn't worn before as she was rocking back and forth trying to find a comfortable position

‘Ha-cha-cha! SCORE!’

“So…Wade…you ready for our….ugh…date?” Sunset asked

I snapped out of my boner induced trance and shook my head combing my reddish blonde hair back and answered Sunset’s question “Oh um yeah! Let’s get eating!” I said as I led my date into the pizzeria

We both sat down and Sunset looked me in the eye and whispered “Look WADE this is a one time thing. Don’t even THINK that you will get any further than this table to me. I don’t know what you have planned with Pinkie but you can forget about it!”

“I have no idea what Pinkie was thinking. Whatever she has planned is beyond me and if it does involve me then she certainly forgot to mention it to me” I said in my own defense

Sunset gave me a skeptical look and shot back “Right….and I’m an alicorn. Oh well…you know after seeing you in that crazy costume and mask earlier I thought you’d be a heck of a lot uglier”

“Yeah well I don’t always look like this…"

“Well I guess this won’t be as bad as I thought.” Sunset answered back

THE NEXT MORNING!

I slowly awoke from my slumber and looked to the clock next to me and noticed it wasn’t beepity beeping like it should

“Damn alarm clock….what time is it?” I looked at the clock again half asleep and read the time

“3:30…..3:30!!! Oh crap! I gotta get to SHIELD Headquarters before Fury gets pissed at me!” I yelled as I stumbled out of bed and onto the floor. It was then I noticed…I wasn’t in my apartment.

“The fuck happened last night?” I asked as I heard movement from the bed

I grabbed a broom that was next to me and held it up in self defense “Stay back fiend!” I yelled as Sunset sat up yawning and looked at me her eyes dilating to the size of golf balls

“WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU IN MY APARTMENT!?” She yelled at the top of her lungs

“I DON’T KNOW!” I yelled back “Can you remember what happened last night?”

Sunset thought for a second and grabbed her head in pain “Well judging by my aching head we probably had a few drinks…..where are your pants?” Sunset replied

I looked down and noticed that I was only in my boxers “Did we?”

“OH HELL NO!” Sunset barked as she proceeded to chase me out of the apartment and throw my clothes out as well “AND STAY OUT!”

“Well there goes another chick that hates you”

“Man I really thought she was a keeper!”

I have a question Brad….how did I get drunk?

Check your left pant pocket

I looked in the pocket and pulled out a bottle of Pooljuice, my secret recipe of the perfect beer. It is sooo powerful that not even my healing factor could keep me from getting shitfaced on the stuff. I tried selling the stuff once but that got shut down by Shield when I had Wolvie try the stuff causing him to be more aggressive than usual…and the fact that he CAN be more aggressive scares me a little.

“Well damn…hey at least she doesn’t know I’m a mutant.” I said as I teleported away to my apartment

Two Weeks Later…

I sat on my couch Netflix and chilling through a marathon of MLP when my phone buzzed with a new text “Who the fuck has the balls to interrupt my ponython!?” I yelled grabbing my phone and read the text

Watch the new pony movie…it’s called Equestria Girls…..once your done come meet me at the café by the pizzeria that you had a date with Sunset at…we need to talk
~EQG Pinkie

“Weird…oh well I got an hour before Brad has to pack up…might as well…weird choice of name…Equestria Girls…whatev’”

I sat staring at my television screen in utter silence as the movie ended

“I….I-uh…mmm I-uh RRRR I SLEPT WITH A PONY!!!!” I finally yelled at the top of my lungs “FUCKING BEA ARTHER! I HAD ONE RULE! ONE! FUCKING! RULE! DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, SLEEP WITH A PONY! WHY DIDN’T I SEE THIS COMING!? SWEET FAUST I’M SUCH A MORON!”

My tirade was cut short by my phone buzzing with another text

Now that you know the truth come and meet me at the café
~EQG Pinkie

“Fucking Pinkie…I hate you right now…damn never thought I’d say that….oh well might as well see what she wants.” I said as I teleported to the café

“Wade….” Pinkie said as Sunset sat next to her glaring at me with a flame in her eyes

“Hey Pinkie. What do you need?” I asked

Sunset got up and grabbed me by the collar and shoved me against a wall and whispered in my ear in a furious tone the eight words I never thought I’d ever hear “I’m fucking pregnant because of you, you asshole!”

My face went white in dread “You’re…..pregnant?” I asked in disbelief

“Yeah…and because I can’t get rid of it you are gonna help me raise this thing whether you like it or not…and if you even think of running from this I will find you and I will personally chop your testicles off and shove them so far down your throat that you’ll have bloody white piss for a month!” Sunset whispered in a tone that could only be described as pure fury

FIN

Author's Note

Shooting For Friendship is written by Verbose Mode. Deadpool belongs to MARVEL and Friendship Is Magic belongs to Hasbro. All ideas belong to their respective owners. I am just borrowing them for humor

Well another day another....wait was that last bit about her being pregnanat a joke?

No Wade. It's plot point.

But....I can't be a dad! I'm not qualified!

Oh well...We'll just have see how it turns out Wade. Hopefully this will teach you to keep your dick to yourself.

"Not Likely"

I'll guess we'll have to wait until next time ON THE EQUESTRIA GIRLS ADVENTURES OF DEADPOOL!