Twenty-one Pilot Episodes Later...

by Hansian Hebertsen

Rating: mature
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Dark, Comedy
Length: 1215

Twenty years later...where are our little ponies now?

Twenty years later, Twilight is no longer Celestia's prized pupil. She's just Employee of the Month. Fluttershy's taken on a successful job at a homeless shelter, Rainbow Dash has a [spoiler]job that has to do with flying. You thought there was a spoiler here, huh? Well there isn't. Too bad.[/spoiler] Pinkie Pie is a common street whore, Rarity is broke and homeless, and Applejack doesn't even know what she's doing. Applejack isn't loved by anyone. Applejack is a worthless piece of shit.

This fic was a collaborative joke between a few of my friends. I only beta'd it for them.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-22 07:33:35 UTC

Shamu Comes to Equestria

God, please smite me now.f45vg23

Equestrian Holocaust

Celestia Rules over Equestria without mercy upon the winged kind. All pegasus Have been trapped in "Cloud Camps" for 2 years.  1 year ago all the clouds in equestria were turned red from all the fire. Dead horses fall from the sky to the grounds of the mountains. All pegasus that do not work for celestia have been imprisoned along with the autists. Twilight had heard about the war up in the clouds after the reunion with pinkie pie and decided that she was a big girl now. Twilight stomped up to the castled (even though she looked extra retarded rather than intimidating) She somehow made it past the royal guard cuz Im too lazy to right that shit and she confronted clestia. " Cel.. celesti...... celes..... celestia I have come for your crayon" Twilight said as she recited most of what pinkie told her to tell her "The fuck, Why are you here, get your autism away from me" Said celestia rightfully so. "What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo." Said twilight very butthurtedly. "Newfag" said celestia. Twilight then charged at celestia and then pulls out her intervention along with all of her dead memes and twilight then quickscopes celestia. Celestia is not kill because twilight is retarded and didnt equip the fmj attachment. celestia then flies away. twilight walks out of the room with all of her dead memes on her back.

Twilight Eats Paste on the Job

***WARNING*** This fic is a literal piece of shit. Don't enjoy.

Twilight walks into the factory for another wonderful day at work.

"Ah, the fresh smell of glue in the morning." Twilight says as she eats a bottle of glue. "Would you like some, Spike?"

"Twilight, just because you have autism doesn't mean I have to have it, too." Spike says in reply.

"Oh well, more paste for me!" Twilight says as she eats another bottle of glue.

The manager of the factory comes out to see how everypony is doing on the job.

"How are we doing, everypony?" He asks. "Flim and Flam, the glue production seems to be all under control and speedy. Berry Punch, how's the taste testing coming along?"

Berry Punch is passed out on the floor. She drank one too many glue cocktails. Either that or she suffocated because the glue cocktails sealed her mouth shut. Either way, nobody gives a single fuck.

"Vinyl, how's the mixing coming along?" The manager says. Vinyl says nothing, because she doesn't have a voice actor. This means it's canon and she can't speak in this fic.

The manager comes back around to see how Twilight's doing in her field. Twilight's job is to put the final ingredient into the glue. This is what gives the glue it's amazing taste.

"How's everything coming, Twilight? What. I don't even. Twilight."

Twilight has glued her hooves to her face once again. "I GLUED MY HOOVES TO MY FACE ON ACCIDENT BECAUSE I WAS TRYING TO TASTE THE GLUE BUT I WIPED THE GLUE ALL OVER MY FACE AND NOW MY HOOVES ARE GLUED TO MY FACE AGAIN OOPS"

The manager looks at Twilight like she has autism. It's ok, because she does, and she can't help it. "It's ok, i understand what ponies like you need. Autistic people like to speak, but if you eat the glue, you'll be like Berry Punch and all of your problems will disappear."

The manager then realizes that Twilight has been eating the glue for the past thirty-seven minutes.

"Twilight, you've just earned yourself Employee of the Year for your dedication to all things...sticky."

The manager then beats Twilight unconscious with his giant horse cock and throws her in a dumpster.

Not to be continued in the next chapter, and hopefully no chapter after this. Twilight should be executed.

Pinkie Pie's Super Slut Adventures

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW I JUST LOST MY VIRGINITY" Ian said as he Pulled out his uncircumcised cock out of his pinkie pie plushie which he had cut a whole into. "I LOVE YOU :D" said the plushie. (Meanwhile in ACTUALREALIFEPONYVILLE.AVI) "UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGHHHHGGHHGHHHHGHGHGHHGH OOOH FUCK" Said pinkie pie as she was getting pumped by a large horse fallus . Pinkie pie is a Crack addict who will sell her body for crack and money."Fuck this you're wider than my grandma" The horse then chunked pinkie outside of the house and locked the door, Pinkie recieved no crack that day ;(. Pinkie Then wandered back to her box she calls "Fuckmylifeland.jpeg" and she crys herself to sleep.

About 7 hours later pinkie is awoken by a large crashing noise. She looks over and a purple blur is tossed into her neighbor applejack's dumpster. Twilight then pokes her head out (not acknowledging that fucking cunt applejack) and she turns her head and Looks directly at pinkie pie and says "DO HAVE ANY GLUESTICKS" Pinkie then makes a really confused look at twilight ad says "Nigga are you high" twilight then responds with "YEs:D" Pinkie and twilight new at this very moment that they would be the best of friends.

Its Been years since the friends have seen each other. They had their memories wiped by twilight after she drank a elixir that gave her autism. Twilight works at a glue factory, Pinkie is a crack whore, Rarity is homeless and gambles all of her welfare checks away, Rainbow dash does flying because fuck you she flys, Fluttershy is the only one who is worth a shit and she owns the homeless shelter. Twilghts autism has killed their friendshit.