Movie Night

by AJ Aficionado

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Slice of Life, Crossover, Human, Roseluck, Romance, Original Character, Porn, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Fetish, Other
Length: 28534

Set in the Gentlemanverse. Roseluck and her human husband, Richard, enjoy a quiet evening with a human on pony porno flick.

Between two jobs and a foal, Richard and Roseluck haven't been spending as much time together as they used to. With the distractions of everyday life weighing down on them, Roseluck worries that the two of them will lose the spark between them forever. Thankfully, the introduction of advanced technology from Earth means Equestria now has access to humanity's greatest treasure: porn. Will it be enough to end their dry spell and get the two sex enthusiasts back in the game?

Set in the Gentlemanverse. Takes place two years after the main story of A Gentleman's Price.

Edited by Firesight.

Proofreaders: Denim_Blue, Cogwheelbrain, Silentwoodfire.

Published 2015-12-22 01:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-01-20 21:08:15 UTC

Discovery Channel

Movie Night

by AJ Aficionado

Roseluck laid across the sofa in front of her flatscreen TV, her attention alternating between the DVD case in her front hooves and the news program being shown on the screen. Having completed the telephone grid, Equestria moved quickly in establishing broadcast television in the space of two short years. The yellow-coated, two-toned pink and red-maned earth pony mare took a sip of lemonade from her glass with a straw, as she read the description on the box cover, occasionally glancing towards the front door, nervously. She wouldn’t be in possession of such controversial material at all if not for Lyra.

Lyra… how many bizarre notions has that mare put into my head over the years? The cover bore the image of a radical-looking mare — at least in the small-town filly's eyes — named Terra Foliata. Her mane was jet black and topped with a stocking cap; she wore a black leather jacket over her khaki-colored fur coat. Topping off her eccentric image, were two large, shiny black earrings. Roseluck had never seen anypony dressed so exotically in her life, almost as if she’d been living on Earth for much of her life.

Which she had, Roseluck had come to learn from her human-loving unicorn friend.

Ignoring the growing heat between her hind legs, Roseluck’s ears perked up at the trumpeting tone that preceded the start of her favorite news segment.

“Today in international news: the scourge of shippers. Watch your flanks, everypony!” The mare behind the desk grinned obscenely, clearly trying to hold it together without bursting into a fit of uncontrollable laughter. “Workponies at the Stalliongrad Trans-Dimensional Port hub, inside a warehouse near portal five, discovered humans who made it through the portal by shutting themselves inside of crates — if you can believe it! They were discovered unharmed, but much the worse for wear having gotten sick after being subjected to the same distorting effects which occur through legal entry ports.

“After being cleaned up, the three human men, aged nineteen through twenty-two, were taken into custody having given up without resistance to port security. Night Watch, Chief of Security at the bustling port, informed Channel Four News that the three ‘shippers’ as he referred to them, were not carrying weapons and not deemed to be a threat. He also informed us that existing company procedures were sufficient in detecting and detaining the intruders and that they did not pose a danger to the facility. The three will be deported back to their home countries.”

This all comes as humanity’s regulatory body on international trade, the World Trade Organization, agreed to expand its jurisdiction to include interdimensional trade between our two worlds, despite concerns from anti-globalists.” The attractive tan-coated, blonde-maned newsmare announced neutrally, a backdrop of the Manehatten skyline in the background behind her desk. Beside her sat another pony, a dark-brown stallion with a slicked back black mane wearing a suit and tie over his front two legs. “Equestrian traders welcome the move as competition will drive down the cost of imported goods, but traditionalists point out the increased trade will require greater numbers of trade portals to be constructed, in addition to the hoof-full currently in use, increasing the odds of illegal immigration or even hostile invasion.”

The dark-brown coated stallion next to her chuckled. “Does this mean we’ll have to check all our shipping crates for humans then?”

“The poor dears will be hungry, and I can only imagine they’ll need to use the bathroom.” The newsmare grinned wryly.

Roseluck snorted, nearly spraying lemonade out of her nose, as she suddenly had a mental image of Richard pouncing at her from inside an opened shipping crate.

“Princess Celestia was asked to comment on how these risks would be addressed to which she replied, “Existing magical countermeasures will be more than enough to ensure detection of the illegals, and that all undocumented shippers will be returned to sender.” The stallion rapped his notes on the glass desktop, smiling, “I can’t help but wonder how many mares will be willing to pay for shipping and handling on a box of man!”

“More than you know, Prime Time!” the anchormare replied heartily, “And now for the weather…”

Roseluck turned her attention away from the mare on the screen as the door to the apartment opened, revealing a tall, blonde and muscular man carrying a sackful of groceries. As he turned to lock the door, Roseluck stuffed the DVD under the couch; now was not the time to be springing that on him. “Hey, Richard! Ready to watch the Cloudsdale Twisters get crushed?”

Richard walked over to the yellow mare, giving her a peck on the muzzle. Placing the sack on the kitchen table, he hung up his jacket to start sorting out what he’d bought. “Am I ever! Though you know how it is with those two…”

“No matter how bad a year they’re having, they always play good against one another.” Roseluck responded politely, finishing the well-worn trope about the Baltimare/Cloudsdale rivalry.

“It’s like the playoffs whenever those two get together.” Richard poured the entire contents of a tortilla chip bag into a large bowl, placed it on a tray with two smaller bowls of queso, and set it down on the table in front of the sofa. “Too bad Stormblåst doesn’t want to watch the game with us.” The ex-gentleman sighed, thinking of his adopted pegasus son from Caleponia. “It’s because I’m not cool enough, isn’t it?”

Roseluck reflected guiltily on the fact that much of her life had consisted of getting other ponies out of the house for the purpose of getting laid, having set it up so their son would be spending the night with Lily and Daisy. It wasn’t that she could really blame Richard for it, though, given how hard the two of them were working, and then there was their adopted son. This is just what getting old means, I guess, Roseluck thought to herself more than once over the last year. “Being an adult is never cool. But, you shouldn’t worry too much; he’s been wanting to spend more time with his little fillyfriend, Calluna, anyway.”

Richard shook his head, sitting down next to Roseluck in front of the television, looking slightly up at her from his seated position. “Sometimes, I wonder if Equestria is a little bit too cool about sex.”

Roseluck laughed out loud, hooking a foreleg around her lover’s middle. “You should talk, Monster!” Noticing the teasing hadn’t filled her mate with much confidence over the matter, she switched tack. “Don’t worry, I’m sure Lily and Goldie will keep an eye on the two of them. It can’t be avoided, though. Eventually, he’s going to do what comes naturally to all ponies and… given how close they are, it will probably be the two of them.”

“I just don’t want my boy to get attached too soon. Besides, can you imagine how weird it will be between us and Lily and Goldie with our foals sleeping together.” Richard turned the hoofball game on with his remote control and took a bite of tortilla chip. “I know Lily has got to be freaking out…”

Roseluck winked back at him and helped herself to the chips as well. “As usual. And she’s in good company. Come on, Richard, buck up! It’s just a little banging. You two can watch the next game together.”

“Okay, Cloud Kicker!” Richard smiled and gave his wife’s ear a gentle flick.

“Prude!” Roseluck replied in mock offense.

“Guilty as charged.” Richard’s face went serious.

“Aww!” Roseluck gave him a sympathetic nuzzle. “I didn’t mean anything bad by it. I guess… I’m just happy for him to have a fillyfriend, even if it probably won’t be his last.”

Richard’s face brightened. “Yeah, I know; ponies do love to shop around... much like myself back in the day. It’s just a serious step in a young man’s, er, colt’s life to learn of the perils and delights of the opposite sex. I worry about the little guy growing attached too soon...” Richard searched about for the proper expression, “... after his first time out of the gate.”

“You’re so adorable, Richard!”

Richard straightened the collar of his t-shirt and drew himself up so that their eyes met. “Yes, I am!” he confirmed, placing his hands on both sides of her neck, gently massaging it with his fingers as he kissed the length of her muzzle — each kiss eliciting a needy moan.

I might not need the movie after all! Roseluck thought hopefully, just thankful that she might not have to resort to such drastic measures to break their lovemaking drought.

She’d have no such luck as the game started behind them, ruining the moment. Denied but no less determined to get tucked in, Roseluck allowed her husband’s attention to be taken over by the action on-screen.

Roseluck lay across her husband’s legs, accepting nachos from Richard’s hand while drinking bottles of Sparkle Cola as a consolation prize as the two of them watched the game. Though the two teams sparred fiercely, and the outcome came down to a single drive in the fourth quarter with a successful offensive drive by the Twisters, Roseluck’s heart just wasn’t into it. Waiting patiently for the game to end, she plotted and schemed, rubbing her hooves together whenever her unwitting companion was distracted. I’ve never lost before, Richard, and I’m not about to lose now!

*****

After clearing up the chip bags and empty soda bottles that littered the coffee table, Richard rang the flower shop to check up on Storm and was relieved to find out that his son hadn’t rutted anypony yet. At least the pair of them hadn’t strayed from Lily’s watchful eye — “Give it time!” Roseluck teased, provoking an eye roll from Richard — After categorically forbidding his adopted son from doing anything ‘crazy’ until the two of them had a talk about it, to which Roseluck rolled her eyes, the rose-colored mare picked up the phone herself to wish him goodnight. “I love you, Sweetheart. Bye bye!”

Richard stretched his limbs and breathed a sigh of relief. “That was close!”

“See? Nothing to worry about. Our son has more forbearance than I did when I was younger!” Roseluck managed to say without allowing disappointment to escape into her voice. The moment she’d waited all evening for was finally at hoof; she withdrew the DVD case from its hiding spot. “Before you start working out, you want to take a look at this? I borrowed it from Lyra.”

Richard made a face, noting the DVD case suctioned to her hoof. “It’s not Lord of The Rings is it? I must have seen it a hundred times back on Earth…”

Roseluck waved a dismissive hoof. “Naaah. Something better than that! Take a look…”

Richard’s eyes opened wide in shock when he saw the lurid color illustration on the case and read the title: Fertility. “This… is a thing that exists?”

“First of its kind, if I understand correctly,” Roseluck replied, delighting in his surprise. “A professional studio-made product of California, U.S.A. Looks like our two races really are growing closer together.”

“By the looks of this cover, this… Terra Foliata has been living there for quite some time. I’ve never seen a mare go so completely native on Earth! It’s like she’s lived there her entire life…”

“According to her bio, she was one of the first ponies to cross the dimensional rift. I see she had the right idea about what to do when she got there!” Roseluck gave Richard a gentle slap on the rear with a sweep of her tail.

“Take it from one of the merciless equine overlords to know talent when she sees it! ” Richard joked with a good-natured smile, his eyes scanning the back of the DVD box. “I’ll give it a watch... if you’re cool with it. I’ll be honest, I’ve never actually watched porn with another woman before — or mare for that matter.”

Victory is at hoof! Trying not to dance with joy, she looked up at her husband expectantly. “I’m as curious as you look. Let’s do this!” Without further delay, Roseluck placed the disc in the tray with her astonishingly dextrous hoof and then climbed back on the couch.

As Richard maneuvered his way through the options in the main menu, he realized Roseluck wasn’t mistaken about the quality of the production. Just like the big-budget movies, everything was broken down by chapter and had a number of bonus features including an interview with the mare leading lady. And rather than being a single story, it was a compilation of short stories each featuring the main character, each more provocative than the last. “They sure put a lot of money into this thing. It has actual stories and everything. It’s like Debbie Does Dallas… with a pony in it. And… science!”

Roseluck looked over his head, forehooves balanced on his shoulders as she stood on the sofa, growing increasingly impatient, deciding she’d ask about Debbie Does Dallas later. “Quit faffing, Richard! Play it. Play it!” she implored him, using a term she’d picked up from Linky.

Her use of the term was not lost on Richard, who gave her a quirky grin. “The United Kingdom called, they said they want their slang back!”

Roseluck began to jump up and down. “Come on come on come ooon!”

“Alright already! Jeez! Take it away, Terra.” Placing the remote down on the armrest after a single click, the two laid on the couch together, spooned, Richard’s arms wrapped around his mare as the movie began to play.

The camera panned over the inside of what looked like a cross between a doctor’s and a veterinarian’s office: comfortable and clean, but more easily accessible to a quadruped. Along the wall opposite the door stood a desk containing drawers full of the usual syringes, gauze, and tape, topped by a computer. The center of the room was dominated by a comfortable-looking padded table upon which rested the star of the movie, Terra Foliata, her trademarked garb hanging from a stand behind — aside from a silver crucifix she wore around her neck. Terra looked uneasy, pawing nervously and shifting her body on the Naugahyde-coated mattress, occasionally looking over at a wooden door to her right.

After a moment, the door opened to reveal a tall, athletically trim Asian man wearing a lab coat and carrying a clipboard.

“Something tells me he isn’t really here for the science,” Roseluck said, slowly and skeptically, noting the impressive bulge in his trousers not commonly associated with great healers.

Richard paused the movie. “Now that’s not fair! He could be a valedictorian for all we know. Magna Cum Lot!”

Roseluck groaned in sheer agony, clutching the sides of her head. “Richard, that was terrible! TERRIBLE!! Please... don’t quit your day job!”

“Wouldn’t think of it, my dear,” Richard replied casually.

“Why am I into you again?”

“Because of my day job,” Richard whispered in her ear, adding a sensual nibble to its elongated tip as he drew a finger across the center of her belly.

Roseluck barely managed to suppress an aroused squeal. She had to concede that his former ‘day’ job as Gentleman went a long way in bringing the two together. “P-point taken!”

Satisfied, Richard turned the movie back on…

“Miss Foliata, thank you for waiting so patiently. We here at the San Palomino research lab have appreciated you taking the time to help us with our research into earth pony magic.”

The raven-maned mare gave the man a sultry look, having seen the same bulge that Roseluck had. “Doctor Ushijima, it’s no trouble at all. I’m here to help any way I can.”

The look hadn’t gone unnoticed by the Doctor, whose eyes began to drift from her own and to the cutie mark on her curvaceous flank, a strange symbol he could not recognize; a rather ornate upside-down letter ‘A’. Adjusting his collar like he was getting hot under it, he soldiered on. “And we greatly appreciate any help we can get. From what we’ve seen, the ponies of your subspecies have fertility properties that can only be described as miraculous! We’ve been told by your leaders that your fecundity level is among the strongest in Equestria. However, you’ve been living for quite some time in our world, cut off from your world’s magic. From what we’ve been able to gather from self-reporting, unicorns and pegasi have both experienced reductions in their magical abilities in our dimension. Would it be safe to say that you are experiencing the same drop in magical ability?”

Terra’s ears drooped as she nodded sadly. “Yes.”

The doctor rested a comforting hand on her back; he marveled at how soft and fine the coat was, having been expecting the more coarse fur of an animal. Terra smiled back at him, his brown eyes meeting her own large purple orbs, which were tinted with a hungry gleam. Having lost himself in her presence, absentmindedly running his right hand over her sturdy back, he regained his senses and continued speaking. “What we intend to do today is measure your abilities according to three different measurements: plant growth, strength, and stamina, and compare your results with the average for earth ponies living in your realm.”

“I trust you’ll find my stamina to be far greater than average… Doctor.” The camera quickly switched to behind Terra as she stood up atop the mattress to stretch, her tail lifted high in the air, her winking marehood and large teats exposed for all to see…

“I...I don’t believe this!” Roseluck interrupted, angrily.

“Huh? What’s wrong, Rose?” Richard asked, pulling himself away from the sight of equine goodies.

“That mare… she actually has a nicer rump than mine... that’s not possible!”

“Rose, Rose, Rose… don’t take it so personally. I’ll tell you what, if you don’t hold the fact that some guys in porn have a bigger dick than I do, we can call ourselves even.”

Roseluck giggled. “You mean a bigger Richard?”

“Whoa there, little lady. No one has a bigger Richard than Dick!” The former-gentleman thumped his chest proudly before wrapping his arms back around his mate.

“You got that right,” Roseluck muttered sarcastically.

Richard gave her belly a gentle scratch and kissed the back of her ear. “Stick and stones, my dear…”

Roseluck gave a contented sigh, snuggling up closer to her man.

The film went into a montage, efficiently summarizing the next half hour or so. Doctor Ushijima scribbled down notes as he watched Terra try to make a daisy grow from a pot of seeds. She did so successfully, though after far longer than hoped.

“Kinda nice to see CGI 'movie magic' replaced by real magic for a change!” Richard interjected.

Her first test completed, she was then asked to haul heavy loads around an outdoor track at a trot. Occasionally, she would stop and more weights would be added to her cart by other staff members at the laboratory, and in short order, she was hot and sweaty. The shameless cameraman focused on her lovely backside, the casual way with which the pony actress exposed herself to all present, and her strangely alluring quadrupedal locomotion.

At the end of the montage, the two found themselves alone in the same office where they’d met, Terra resting atop the same mattress as before. After giving his notes a once over, Ushijima looked into Terra’s eyes, unable to hide his disappointment. “I’m afraid, Miss Foliata, that your innate magic has degraded to well below that of an average Equestrian pony — sixty percent in terms of fecundity and twenty percent by strength. I’m afraid there is simply no way we’ll be able to use earth ponies to grow food in large enough quantities to be economical.”

Terra bowed her head and ears. “All I wanted to do when I came here was to help out my new friends. Is there nothing that I can offer to the people of Earth?”

The Doctor placed a reassuring hand on her back, prompting her to look into his eyes. “If you’re worried about us sending you back to Equestria, you have nothing to fear. While we may not currently be able to find a use for your remarkable abilities, perhaps we might one day be able to bring your magic to our world.” He drew his hand upward to her head, morbidly curious about the feel of her mane. “Forgive me, do you…”

“Not at all, dear Doctor,” Terra replied sweetly. “It’s only natural for you to be as curious about me... as I am about you.”

“Well if it’s no bother…” Inhibitions failing, he set his clipboard down, running both hands over her back and through her luscious black mane as she cooed softly; her fur was every bit as soft and well-cared for as the hair on a woman’s head.

“You’re very good with your... hands, Doctor.” Terra purred seductively. “But there is still more of me to be discovered —” The beautiful mare rolled over onto her back, her tail askew. “— if you’re ready.”

The camera now had a clear shot of all she had to offer. The doctor’s eyes immediately focused on her teats, the nipples already swelled with arousal. “There is still the matter of that third test isn’t there?” Ushijima asked, a mischievous smile playing across the man’s face.

“I’m ready when you are.” Terra all but growled, her huge eyes blazing.

Without hesitation and with a single hand, he ripped off his lab coat revealing a well-muscled chest…

“Ahwooo!” Roseluck howled, clopping her forehooves together with unbridled enthusiasm. Behind her, she felt Richard shifting about. “You alright back there, Monster?”

“Yep!” Richard replied cheerfully, pitching the last article of clothing he was wearing over the back of the sofa. “You sound like you’re enjoying yourself!”

“Am I ever!”

Having removed his pants, Doctor Ushijima launched himself atop the mattress. Below him, he felt her back legs lift up, preparing for the plunge. Having clamored on top of her, he supported her hind legs with his hands. “I’m told you ponies enjoy unwrapping us.”

“You’ve certainly done your research, Doctor,” Terra replied with a knowing smile.

The camera switched to a side view of his tented trousers which Terra helpfully removed with a lightly shaking hoof. Switching again to the side and rear the camera zoomed in on her face. Opening her mouth slightly, she gave his fully erect shaft a loving lick, starting from the base to the tip, licking up the precum with a flick of her long, equine tongue. “Couldn’t resist!”

Bracing himself with his elbows, he positioned his belly against hers. Looking straight into her eyes, he drove himself to the hilt inside her, reveling in the heat and wetness of Terra’s churning walls as Terra’s blissful cry rang out inside the office...

Roseluck squealed as she felt Richard’s erect shaft glide across the petals of her mare flower.

“Quite an interactive experience, isn’t it?” he growled huskily into her flower ear before nibbling and kissing it.

“O-oh, Richard! Y-yes it is!”

Buried to the hilt within his subject, he kissed her sloppily before withdrawing himself. “That was just a temperature check!” The doctor joked, “Now we shall see how much better than average your stamina really is!” He grinned, his pointed teeth on full display to her.

Terra shuddered as a small wave of fear washed over her, but it lasted only a moment before lust regained its grip on her heart. She grinned back at him and winked. “Try me!”

Wrapping his arms around her hind legs, he pistoned himself inside of her repeatedly, occasionally nipping at her ears as her ebullient maresong spurred him on. Sensing his impending climax, he bit down on the nape of her neck, causing her to climax immediately. After riding out wave after wave of orgasms, the two slowly separated with a wet pop.

“You’re quite good for a human, but it will take a lot more than that to satisfy me!” Terra said in a haughty tone.

“Then perhaps you’ll consent to a further day of testing?” Ushijima began kissing the length of her neck.

“Yes!” Terra nodded eagerly.

“Or a couple of days?” the doctor continued his progress up her neck.

“Yes! Yes!” She nodded more eagerly still.

“Maybe even an entire week!”

“Celestia, YES!”

Throughout the action taking place on screen, Richard teased her wife’s marehood with one hand and her belly with the other, the stimulation nearly driving the earth pony insane with desire. Having pushed her to the limits he knew better than any other man, Richard pressed his manhood up against her already-hot and dripping entrance. “Roseluck, you are the most magnificent of creatures to walk the earth, in this dimension or any other; and I won’t ever —” he popped the head of his phallus into her inviting depths, provoking a needy whine from his beloved “— ever let you forget it!”

“I love you too, monster!” Roseluck shivered as his hand brushed against her swollen teats, tweaking both of her nipples in turn. “If we hurry up, I think we can catch up with Terra and the doctor!”

“Hang on, Rose!” The former Gentleman thrust himself inside, pressing up and in to maximize stimulation, all while maintaining his grip around her middle and giving her teats continued attention. Humanity may not have evolved to have sex with ponies, but his training with Gentleman For Mares had proved that they were far from incompatible. Pacing himself for the long haul, he slowed his pace, allowing his stamina and powerful thrusts to carry the load. Her marehood was soon clenching tightly around his shaft, milking him greedily for his seed as her breathing grew increasingly ragged.

Part of Roseluck resented the fact that he was doing all the work. Noble and sacrificial: such are the virtues of men as she’d come to understand them in the bedroom. As she approached climax, however, she closed her eyes and gave herself over to his strength and the nimble manipulations of his flexible fingers upon her needy frame.

Timing his progress by the pitch and urgency of his lover’s moaning, he withdrew his manhood with a loving stroke across her clitoris.

“Ahhh!” Roseluck’s entire body shook, a wail of destiny fulfilled pierced the air, reverberating off the walls as she came hard enough to make her eyes cross. Daring not to think about the condition of the furniture, her multiple orgasms soaked her lover’s groin in thick gouts of cum — his hands acting all the while to continue the chain. Gathering her senses, it occurred to her that the fire in her nethers still burned unabated. She gave a frustrated whinny and tossed her head back, mussing her mane. “R-Richard… why did you stop?”

Richard smiled, his right hand moving from her teats up to her tail which he stroked from back to front, before giving it a gentle tug, eliciting a delighted squeal from his mate. “Because you have not been properly broken!” He cackled, echoing his words to her at the very first meeting years earlier when he was but a Gentleman and her a mere client.

Already driven half-mad by need, she felt the insanity and overwhelming arousal of that night grip her once more. She was restrained; powerless. A defenseless mare in the grip of a hunter from beyond Luna’s Stars... a demon from another dimension come to claim her for a prize…

A prize she was only too willing to give him, even if she would at least briefly pretend otherwise. “Feel free to try, but I’ll always have the strength to resist!” Roseluck growled, grinning wickedly as her heart began to beat a conga in her chest.

“That’s why you’re my finest prey, little pony!” Richard pressed the head of his manhood up against the smaller hole beneath her tale, causing her to shiver with anticipation in another throwback to their very first night together. Coated in his mare’s fragrant nectar, and the pair now long-practiced in the act, he fit the lubed tip of his phallus slip inside of her with ease.

Roseluck whinnied loudly, as she felt him enter. While most mares would have no part of such ‘unnatural’ practices, she considered it a high honor to be so lusted after by a man, so crazed by the sight of her, that he would perform such a taboo act. It didn’t hurt that she loved the pleasure and pain in equal measures such actions would bring; having both her holes pleasured at once by fingers and phallus.

Richard broke her body in slowly. Breathing deeply, and forcing his mind elsewhere, he ignored the hot, vice-like grip of her backside clamping down on him as he gently worked inside of her. Stopping to place his hand on her cutie mark, brushing the identically colored hairs which formed the rose-shaped pattern on her flank; he thanked God, Celestia or whomever it may have concerned for meeting a mare as crazy as him.

Roseluck grunted gently as he made his first thrust, breaking out into a sweat almost instantly after he began. Running on instinct, she’d felt a crushing wave of terror at the first pang of discomfort, and whimpered loudly as he thrust himself into her. As she overcame her initial fear, a wave of euphoria quickly took its place. “Enough practice!”

“I agree!” Richard grunted as he began to thrust into her in earnest.

Her throat felt as if it would tear open from the scream as he drove himself to the hilt, locked inside of her depths for what might have been a thousand years. “YES!”

Roseluck's every nerve was on fire, her entire body overloaded with sensation. The echoes of pain were still there, and part of her mind was nearing survival mode. But the rest of it was flooded with an almost feral need for still more. "Aahn! Yes!"

She grit her teeth braced her forehooves and pushed back as hard as she could. She roared like a caged animal as he met her thrust with one of his own, then another, and another still.

Overwhelmed by the surging tide of erotic pleasure, she felt herself barreling inexorably toward climax. She gave her lover a sharp whinny, signaling for him to finish her off — and himself as well.

To ensure that the two of them came together, Richard added stimulation to her neck and teats with his hands as he nipped at her ears. Taking one last shuddering breath, he finally came inside of her, freeing himself of the tension between them with a satisfied roar.

The sound of his pleasure, the pride of another successful hunt, carried Roseluck over the edge, sending jets of molten marecum directly onto her lover’s balls.

Cuddled up together in post-coital bliss with her man still inside her, Roseluck finally spoke up, breaking the moment with a giddy laugh. “I hope the old couch can withstand another cleansing before we have to apply the Lily Valley technique and set it ablaze.”

“Rose, you’re completely insane… and so am I. Never, ever change.”

The two shared a laugh as the long-forgotten television displayed the main menu’s introduction track, a snippet of scenes from each of the short stories in a loop, the chapter having concluded. The Doctor and the Mare might very well have gone on to living together in the suburbs, but both of them had missed the ending.

Having cleaned up the couch, and then enjoyed another round of fun in the shower, the two finally climbed into bed. “I really appreciate what you did for me last night, Richard. I wasn’t expecting you to rut me under the tail right then and there on the couch! It felt like old times.”

“To be fair, Rose, rutting you under the tail is a definite win for me too!” Richard said awkwardly as if expecting someone unseen inside the room to interrogate him on his preference. “I do find myself confused when you don’t kick the crap out of me for doing it, I must admit.”

“Those other mares don’t know what they’re missing,” Roseluck replied dismissively with a wave of her hoof. “But enough about prudish pony sensibilities; since you did all the work last night, I want to do something really special for you next time.”

Richard looked confused. “What did you have in mind? We already do pony style twice a week.”

Roseluck gave an exasperated sigh, frustrated with Richard’s more… servient tendencies when it came to sex: a habit developed from years of service to Equestria’s mares as an escort. “I want you to think of something I can do for you to make things more interesting; something that doesn’t involve you doing all the hard work.”

“Oh jeez.” Richard slapped the back of his head. “Okay, I’m a dope. You want to do something for me. Sorry, I guess it’s the Gentleman thing kicking in again…”

“I understand, Richard.” Roseluck gave his face a reassuring nuzzle. “As much as I enjoy having an experienced lover for a husband, I feel sorry about what that job did to you.”

“Oh, don’t feel sorry on my account. I’m fine! I guess I just haven’t thought about sex that way in a while.”

“Then tell me Richard —” Roseluck threw the blanket that had been covering them off her and rolled onto her back, putting herself on full display—“ when you think about me, what is it that you really want?”

“All of it!” Richard said automatically.

“Naturally,” she replied haughtily, “but I think you’re overlooking something. Something… specific.”

“Alright, I’m game.” Richard adjusted to kneeling to get a better look at Roseluck. His eyes were drawn to the cutie mark on her thigh as most humans. It was impossible not to, given how alien and strange having such a mark is to the earth-dwelling humans. That wasn’t it though — too obvious, he thought.

His eyes moved due south until they reached her rump, supple yet firm from the physical aspect of her work as a florist, and enhanced with innate earth pony magic. If he’d been asked what his favorite part of Roseluck’s form was by a not-so-innocent questioner, he’d absolutely chose her rump. Truly, it was inspired by the might of Demeter and the beauty of Aphrodite as an example of perfection by which the mortals should measure up to. This option too, Richard rejected; Roseluck had presented him with a riddle and wasn’t going to be satisfied with the most obvious of answers.

As his wife smiled at him, he let his hands roam free over her equine form, trying to experience it for the first time after so many experiences had jaded him to it. As his hands found her teats, her smile grew even wider.

Roseluck gave a knowing nod, her eyes shining with equine empathy. “That’s it, isn’t it?”

Richard felt an inexplicable wave of shame hit him. “Well, I…” Richard sighed, embarrassed by his reaction. “When I look at you, I see… a person. One who is like me in all the ways that it counts: eyes, ears, nose, ass, that sort of thing…”

Roseluck remained silent, looking at him with compassion.

Richard looked down at the blanket, unable to meet her gaze. “When I see your teats, I am reminded of how you are different. Women do not have breasts that look like yours, other animals do.”

“I see…” Roseluck studied her mate’s reaction, understanding and empathizing with his struggle, even if she couldn’t replicate that emotion within herself. Ponies had long been used to the idea of interracial coupling with the other intelligent races of Equestria, even if certain pairings had been considered taboo. Humans, on the other hoof, being the only sentient species of their world, saw all others as beasts. Even if Roseluck knew in her heart that Richard was no bigot, she knew his reaction to her animal bits would be difficult to shake. “And yet you’re curious about them. I notice how you like to play around with mine! I think it’s really sweet and… very unique for a stallion.” Roseluck winced slightly. “Mostly, it’s other mares that have a thing for teats.”

Richard stoically refused to mention Lily Valley, or The Discord Affair, contenting himself with a head scratch. “About that…”

Roseluck rolled back onto her belly, assuming a more dignified position. “You’ll feel better once it’s all out. Trust me, I know.”

“Indeed you do,” Richard said with a smile, regarding his mare with respect for her strength of character. “I was introduced to ponies a good six months before I came to Equestria as a tourist, in that brief, shining window after cross-dimensional travel was limited to dignitaries and government officials, and before the Equestrian government began to impose limitations on immigration after the… ‘protests’.” Richard rolled his eyes, “I was watching the news coverage of first contact, like everyone else in the world was. Princess Celestia and Princess Luna were standing there, like something out of science fiction, talking about peaceful motivations and the potential to learn from one another.

Richard took a deep, steadying breath and looked his wife of two years squarely in the eyes. “And me? As I was looking Celestia over, I noticed how attractive she was — in that older, distinguished, stately woman sort of way — and yet my eyes kept being drawn back to her massive teats! And then I suddenly imagined myself fondling them! Or worse, putting little Richard between them and giving them a good fuck! And it only got worse from there. I saw myself kissing her, then laying her on her back and suckling them for all their worth!” he visibly shivered at the memory, his voice going shaky for a moment.

“I swear I just about came in my pants. So there I was watching the television with two of my drinking buddies and getting this uncontrollable raging hard-on at the thought of groping and screwing this alien pony princess and it nearly drove me mad. My brain just couldn’t resolve the conflict between what I was seeing and where my thoughts were going… that I somehow wanted this horse-like creature far worse than I’d ever wanted a human woman.”

Must… resist … laughter. Roseluck chuckled, patted Richard’s back, consolingly. “I’m sorry; I’m not laughing at you but at your circumstance. If it makes you feel any better, I’d lay odds you’re not the only human to have that reaction to her. In fact, I’m almost willing to bet that Celestia did that deliberately as a prank when she heard about human nudity taboos. It’s funny how I’ve never really looked at Celestia that way before. To me, she kind of transcends such trivial mortal standards such as beauty. To me, she is the very essence of light and life. Really goes to show you how perception works between our two species.”

“Yeah, it’s been educational.” Richard nodded. “All I could think of at the time was what my friends and family would think of me ogling or fantasizing about a creature that looked like a horse. Hell, I didn’t even have to imagine what they’d call me. I had a Drill Instructor that actually called people he didn't like, ‘horsefuckers’.”

“Can only imagine what he’s thinking now!” Roseluck smiled coyly as she rolled back over onto her back, giving her tail a teasing flick over her lover’s muscled abs. “So this is what you like, is it? Well, I’m not about to judge. I love the feeling of your pointy teeth against my flesh and I don’t care why they are the way they are; I like the feeling of being rutted under the tail by a dominating male; and most of all, I love the fact that despite your natural resistance to sex outside your species, you love me as a mare. Now… when you look at these—” she gave her teats a shake “— what would you rather be thinking about?”

In response, Richard positioned himself over her lightly-coated teats, kissing the tip of each nipple before taking her into his mouth, suckling her greedily.

“There’s a good monster!” Roseluck cooed gently. “And getting back to that ‘something special’ I mentioned earlier… how you like for me to feed you next time? With a little bit of magical help…”

Looking up ecstatically, he kissed her deeply, her tongue sliding against the jagged tips of his incisors.

“I’ll take that as a yes!”

Author's Note

It's been too long, my lovelies! Terra Foliata is not an OC of my making. I'm unsure as to whom credit is owed for this OC, or what her name means, or even what her cutie mark is intended to convey. Anyone who knows who claims the artistic license to this OC, please let me know in the comments so that person can receive the honors. Given no one has done so yet, I can only assume she's been created and depicted by anonymous artists who didn't want to get doxed over MLP smut. Fair enough, guy.

Update 12/24/2015: Apparently the name Terra Foliata means "ground nest created by a burrowing animal." That... is not even remotely sexy, but thanks to Twilight Adept for the information regardless.

Credit to Firesight as always for the editing and to my proofreader Denim_Blue.

Update 1/10/2016: Grand_Moff_Pony contributed some late, but no less welcome, additions to the story. Thanks for your help and I'll try to keep mobile devices in mind when I'm writing. Damn millennials and their fancy technology! :twilightangry2:

I'll be using a PC until I die.

5/23/2018 Grammarly edit complete. This story isn't as bad off as FG and AGP were, that's for sure.

3/18/2019 I gave it a read and enjoyed it more than I usually enjoy reading my own stuff. I usually feel very self-conscious and paranoid. Edits added.

Equestrian Dad

Roseluck awoke to the sweet, earthy aroma of her husband’s musk, pleased by the aroma wafting up her nose from their previous night of bedroom fun times. Her forelegs wrapped around his torso and hind legs tangled with his, and the sleepy mare was content to simply lay there awake while hugging her prized mate until he woke up with the breaking of dawn… for about fifteen minutes, that is. Richard or shower? Shower… or Richard? Roseluck whinnied softly, her eyes bolting open. What am I thinking? This place is a wreck! If I don’t get up now, we’re doomed!” “Richard! Psst! Richard! I need to get up and clean the house!”

Richard groaned with disappointment as he came to, his eyes remaining shut as he held his wife snugly around her middle. “Do you have to honey? Storm won’t be back until well after dawn.”

Roseluck nuzzled her husband gently, pitying him. She was always getting up well before her husband out of habit, thanks to years of working at Daisy’s flower shop and felt guilty for having to cut Richard’s cuddle time short. “I want to stay here too, but I need to straighten the house up, especially the couch. Don’t want our colt asking too many questions. Besides, I could really use a shower after what you did to me back there!”

“Mmm!” Richard grinned wickedly, silently thanking the Almighty for his mare’s open-minded approach to lovemaking. “You’re right, Rose. You need help?”

“Nah. You’ve worked hard all week, big guy…”

“For you!” Richard interjected, waggling his eyebrows.

“A lot of loyalty for a hired Gentleman!” Roseluck replied, coyly, the pair sharing a moment of laughter at one of their favorite Earth movies. “But really. You’ve worked hard all week. You go back to sleep.” Grabbing the blankets with her teeth, she threw them back over the sleeping human’s shoulders and tucked him back in.

Making her way downstairs and into the living room, the sting of phosphorescent light from their numerous appliances made her eyes water. She rubbed her eyes, the happy memories of the previous night returning to her, overriding her daily, instinct-driven trek to make coffee. Thanks, Terra, wherever you are. Turning on the lights to allow herself to acclimate, she removed the disc from the tray, her tiny equine toes between her soft outer hoof latching themselves on to the top of the disc like a suction cup. If Roseluck hadn’t known better, she’d have sworn the design was specifically made for ponies, being able to manipulate the discs even better than her human husband so long as she didn’t press down too hard and shatter the tray when removing it. Flimsy human technology!

Reorganizing the living room to make it less obvious they had been rutting like tomorrow would never come, she turned on the early morning news. Having the day off from work, she’d get the chores out of the way quickly so she could look presentable for guests.

Richard awoke as soon as the sun began to shine through the cracks in the blinds, emerging from the bedroom stretching and yawning loudly, having put on a pair of boxers and a sleeveless undershirt, before pouring himself some coffee. “Thanks for letting me sleep in.”

“Don’t mention it! I figured I owed you that much after keeping you up most of the night! By the way, Golden Harvest sent a text message and I quote: ‘Storm was very well behaved and almost certainly did not rut her daughter at any point during his time there… except maybe after they went to bed. Okay, maybe they did do it, IDK’”

Richard rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and groaned. “I’ve put it off too long. I need to have a talk with that boy.”

Roseluck nodded in agreement. “I do think we should at least explain how everything works so he doesn’t find out the wrong way,” She chuckled, thinking of her friend, Daisy. “When I was a little filly, we were taught that babies came from a magical spell that only Celestia was said to be able to cast. I think Daisy was the last pony to find out that wasn’t true.”

“Aww! That’s cute.” Richard grabbed a pan from the cupboard and set it on the electric stove. “Did Daisy not talk to very many ponies?”

Roseluck shook her head, pouring herself some coffee from the modern electrically-heated pot on the kitchen counter before adding an excessive amount of cream and sugar. “All that was on her mind was being able to use her earth pony growth magic for the first time. She used to carry around a cup of seeds with her back in our elementary school days. She’d poke and prod at it, willing them to grow into a flower, but she was never able to do it… until the Rainboom.”

Richard gave his wife a quizzical look before cracking a few eggs on side of the pan and depositing the contents onto the now sizzling surface. “I’ve read some of the stories about ponies all across the country who discovered their marks that day, but I don’t recall reading anything about an earth pony mare living out in Ponyville being connected to the first Rainboom.”

“That’s because nopony could verify her story. From what everyone on the scene could tell, it was purely coincidental.” Roseluck sat human-style on a wooden kitchen chair, taking a sip of her nearly-white cup of coffee and gave a sigh of relief. “Now I’m awake!”

Richard grinned and shook his head as he regarded his wife’s overly-sweetened beverage. “Rose, I’ll never understand why you even bother adding coffee to your cream and sugar.”

“Because coffee is an awful, bitter substance whose only redeeming quality is waking ponies up.” Roseluck took another drag from her steaming mug.

“Spoken like a true woman!” Richard jibed, piling the eggs — cooked sunny-side up — onto a plate and placing them in front of Roseluck.

“Still fantasizing about easier access to my teats, eh, Richie?” the red-headed mare shook her head. “Hmm... Me as a woman… It would be kind of nice to wield a frying pan when you get uppity though,” Roseluck said casually before cutting into her eggs.

“Oh, don’t even try that with me, Rose!” Richard waved a disapproving spatula in her general direction. “You start hitting me with things and I’ll completely cut you off!”

“You don’t mean it!” Roseluck replied in mock horror bringing a hoof to the side of her head with the practice only a Ponyville florist could achieve.

“That’s right! You try introducing iron into my diet like that, and you’ll be looking for someone else to keep you satisfied. You might even have to ask —”

“Don’t say it, Richard! You made your point…” Roseluck’s ears flattened against the side of her head as the image of Lily came to mind, on the verge of fainting upon learning of Rose’s predicament. “In all seriousness though, do you think I’d look good with hands and feet?”

“Hell yeah!” Richard exclaimed, flipping the eggs through the air with a quick snap of his wrist, catching it cleanly and placing it back down on the sizzling pan. “You’d look fantastic riding a motorcycle. I can see you now, hanging onto my back, your mane streaming behind you as we ride through the desert to our next adventure.”

Roseluck closed her eyes, smiling, imagining the look of envy on the human mares’ faces; her face falling when she brushed her forelock with a wave of her hoof. “Nopony will be able to see my mane through the helmet though.”

“Helmet? You’re no fun!”

“And one for you too, mister! Equestria can't afford to lose you. You may be a citizen of two dimensions, but you’ll always belong to this one! Um… you will right?” Roseluck focused all of the force of cuteness she could muster into a single pout.

“And let Rainbow Dash down? Absolutely not!” Richard replied with a waggle of his eyebrows and a toothy grin.

Roseluck swallowed hard, nearly sending her eggs down the wrong pipe. She gave Richard a look she hoped would convey playfulness instead of anxiety. “You jest, Richard, but those pegasi mares are just waiting to steal you away from me!”

Richard shook his head sympathetically, piling his own plate with his cooked eggs. “Rose, you don’t have to keep fighting those old battles day after day. The dead are long since buried; it’s time to leave the war behind.”

“Heh… Am I really that obvious? You’re right Richard, it’s just always been a pegasus for me… a pegasus nemesis —” Roseluck chuckled at her words “— Hey, that rhymed! I’ll have to tell Zecora. Still… a part of me wonders how you didn’t end up with one yourself.”

“Me too, sometimes. But if I had, I’d’ve never met you.” Leaving his plate on the table, Richard planted a kiss on her yellow-furred muzzle, eliciting a pleasured moan from her before taking his seat. “My handler at Gentleman For Mares, and good friend, Petrichor — you met her at the wedding — had been the one to restrict me from seeing any more pegasi clients until I could learn to behave myself.” Roseluck nodded across the table from him, having heard the story before. It was a story they’d keep between them forever as it led to their first and highly memorable encounter as Gentleman and client.

“You could say that if I’d never had my accident, I would have ended up marrying one of my pegasus clients, in all fairness...” Richard rubbed the stubble on his face, taking a moment to gather his thoughts. “... But I don’t believe that crap for a second. Me settle down back then? Hell no! I was having way too much fun doing what I loved to do most.”

Roseluck smiled almost in spite of herself. Was she not doing the very same with each and every stallion she met? She was a beautiful mare and he was a beautiful stallion. Where they not to enjoy each other’s bodies as Celestia intended? Having remembered and cherished each stallion she’d shared herself with, even for one night, she couldn’t begrudge her dear husband for feeling the same way about his own lovers in the past.

Rose kept silent, but still paying attention, Richard continued. “When I got out of the hospital, I realized something that I never will forget: I’m not going to live forever and the more chances I take, the greater the odds of dying become. I don’t think I realized it fully until I met you. It’s like everything made sense… this was my wake-up call, a chance to settle down and accept gravity as a permanent and necessary part of my life.”

“So in other words… you settled?” Roseluck stuck her tongue out and giggled.

“I don’t regret it for a minute,” Richard replied earnestly.

“Neither do I, Richard. Thanks… I was just being silly."

“Apology accepted. Let’s just hope our son doesn’t have to learn things the same way I did.”

*****

Storm’s return was greeted with relief by both of his parents. The two tiptoed around the subject of sex while Golden Harvest and Lily Valley were present, but resolved to tackle the issue one at a time. “I never had both my parents sit me down at the same time,” Richard admitted to his wife earlier. “My old man was the one to do it. He told me, ‘son, just make sure your future wife’s hair is a natural color and that she doesn’t hold up a protest sign in her spare time. And if you decide to stick your dick in anything, for God’s sake wear a condom and never forget the first rule.’"Richard pounded his open palm with a closed fist for emphasis as he finished the last sentence before scratching her chin thoughtfully. "I don’t think the same speech will work here.”

“Unless things with Calluna don’t work out and he marries a woman!” Roseluck had suggested, pointing out the very real possibility.

Later on, after the two mares had gone home and everyone settled back in, Richard made his move. Stormblåst lounged quietly on the couch, watching TV — some crazy game show involving teams of foals competing in messy stunts for prizes and bits mostly involving food, grossly oversized Equestrian appliances and equine anatomical features. As planned, Roseluck was away to leave the two undisturbed, but he still felt compelled to make as little noise as possible making his approach to the couch. No need to worry, Stuntman, just a simple recon mission… Sounding braver than he felt, Richard, announced himself. “Hey there, kiddo. Can you make some room for the old man?”

The young colt turned around and looked up at Richard; his pubescent growth spurt, having started two years prior, allowed him to see over the back of the couch. “Hey, Dad! Hoo are ye?” Storm cleared his throat. “I mean… how are you?” The colt adjusted to sitting on his haunches, leaving space for his father to sit.

“Doing fine, Storm,” Richard replied to being asked how he was doing, accustomed to his adopted son’s lapses into Caleponian pronunciation. School had ironed out most of his Equestrian so that he could be understood by most folks, and at least he wasn’t nearly as out of control as his godmother Linky. Studying his adopted son, Richard allowed himself a moment of fatherly pride before setting to the task at hand. His colt was a picture of masculinity in a pastel-colored world. Evergreen eyes and coat with a black mane and tail. “I was hoping you could take a break from…” — Richard cringed slightly as he saw a colt emerge from out disturbingly accurate recreation of a pony’s maw. All the TV shows we could have imported to Equestria from our world, and we imported that! — “Ultimate Gross-out Challenge… and have a little chat.”

The colt’s eyes went shifty for a moment, wondering which awkward, uncomfortable thing Dad was going to confront him on today. Or was it the big uncomfortable thing? Better him than Mum finding out, he reasoned, but the thought still made him wince. He lowered his voice, conspiratorially “How bad is it?”

“That’s what I’m here to find out, son!” Richard grinned, lowering his voice, in turn, putting an arm around his son’s back. “Don’t worry; it’s nothing too bad. I just wanted to ask you about your sleepover at Aunt Goldie’s.”

So relieved that he hadn’t asked about that other thing, Stormblåst actually laughed, waving a dismissive hoof as a blue and white filly on screen cringed, her hoof digging around inside a giant model of a pony nose — complete with green goop — for a flag. “Oh, it was nothing! Just me and Callie hanging out with my aunts and uncle.” Richard’s son made a thoughtful expression, “Though now that yeh mention it, Aunt Lily was acting a bit… Lily-er than usual. Yeh know?”

“Yeah, about that…” Richard put on his serious dad face. At least, that was the face his dad made. “I know you and Calluna have always been pretty close...”

“Well, sure. We were always close! I’ve known her years. Ever since…” Storm looked down at the floor, his ears drooping.

Richard smiled sadly, running his fingers through Storm’s mane. “Surviving a war zone would bring anyone closer together. I can’t say it enough that you are the bravest pony I’ve ever known.”

Storm gave a frustrated snort continuing to look away. Speaking once more his Caleponian accent returned in full force. “I don’t feel so brave, Dad! I dinnae then, either!”

“And as we discussed before, it isn’t about how you scared you feel, but how you deal with the fear that determines if you're brave!” Richard patted his son’s back, supportively. “You could have easily flown away and nopony or gryphon would have thought less of you. You weren’t armed and you were facing an enemy the Caleponians had never even seen before.”

“Yeah… I guess so,” the colt replied dejectedly. “It’s just that you don’t hear too many stories about successful defeats, do yeh?”

“Quite the contrary,” Richard replied thoughtfully. “Some of humanity’s greatest victories in war came after a setback. The greatest accomplishment one can achieve when hopelessly outnumbered is to save the lives of their comrades and live another day. Even Firefly spent the first few months of the Pony/Gryphon War in full retreat. And you wouldn’t call her a coward!”

The pegasus looked back up at his golden-haired father, shaking his head vigorously. “No way! I know how she must have felt though.”

Richard nodded. “You’ve experienced more than a boy your age has any right to face. And I daresay Firefly is looking down on you right now with pride. You did good, son!” The two brought their heads together with a gentle bump, the colt whinnying gently.

“Thanks, Dad!” The pegasus looked around uncertainly. “Was… that was you were here to talk about?”

“Oh! Right…” Richard cleared his throat, tugging at the neck of his sleeveless shirt. “Well, actually I was here about… another type of experience. The kind of experience a young man… or colt, will eventually find himself in when he cares about someone very, very much.”

Storm arched an eyeridge at his father, leaving the latter wondering how the late, great Leonard Nimoy’s famous expression became universal among all ponies everywhere. “Uh… oh! Ohh…” Pointing the newly designed smart-crystal interface remote control at the screen, the television shut itself off — a recent marriage of human/pony technology allowing ponies to input information for a specific purpose using their innate magic. He looked up anxiously, eyes darting towards the door leading to the kitchen. “Mum’s not listenin’ is she?” he whispered conspiratorially, his accent again thickening from nerves.

Richard’s brow furrowed. “Son, I’m going to be completely honest with you. Just as I’d expect you to be with your old man. Mom isn’t listening right now, but she’s been meaning to speak with you about this too.”

The colt cringed, looking as if he had half a mind to fly away. Or fill the couch with brown dynamite. Or both. “Mum’s been thinking about it, too? Oh, me privy shame!” He shoved his head under a nearby cushion in perfect ostrich fashion, while covering the cushion with both forehooves for extra protection against reality.

Oh shit. Oh, Fuck! Dude, you’re thirteen! Goddamn it, Equestria! Why does every guy around here have to be surrounded by girls? Can’t a guy around here do something stupid with other guys around? Like drink beer? Drive your car across a frozen lake? Blow shit up with tannerite? Just anything that doesn’t involve sex? Come on, ponies. What the hell?Richard took a deep breath at the conclusion of his internal rant, unclenching his fists he’d only realized were clenched. I gotta have faith in him. He has said he’s done anything wrong… yet. “What are you ashamed about, Storm?” He asked his son, evenly.

Ears fully bowed, and huge ponies eyes filled with sadness — God, that’s cute! His father thought to himself — “To tell you the truth, Dad, Ah haven’t actually… been with any fillies yet… like that.”

“You… haven’t?” Richard’s relief shone over him like sunrise after forty days and nights of rain, unnoticed by his son who was hanging his head in shame.

The teen had no reaction to his father’s words, but continued his confession, speaking louder with each passing sentence. “Don’t tell anyone I said this, Dad. But I really do fancy Calluna. I always have. But I’m not sure how to say it to her. I’m so happy she’s alive after what happened to us that I cannae really ask for more than that. I can’t even bring myself to think about more than that!” Emotionally tired out, the youngster sighed and looked up at Richard for any sign of disapproval, finding none.

“Stormblåst. Son. You truly are one remarkable young man. Give me a big ol’ pony hug! Don’t overdo it though. You’ll break my neck!” His son nickered happily as he hugged his father around the neck, Richard hugging his son around the middle with his right arm, avoiding the nearby flight muscles for obvious but embarrassing reasons. “You had me scared there! I thought you were going to tell me you’d actually… done the thing… But I’m glad to hear you aren’t rushing things.”

Storm separated himself from his father with a flap from his wings, now hovering up near the ceiling, his wings flapping a bit too close to the moving ceiling fan blades for Richard’s comfort. “Yeh are?”

“Yes, but get down from there before you hurt yourself!” Storm apologized to his father with a nervous laugh and landed gently on the blue carpeted floor. “That’s better! As I was saying, I’m happy that you’re taking things slow. Now I know ponies like to… well…”

“Tuck with their guests after they’re havin’ their tea?” Storm offered helpfully, bringing an exasperated look from Richard.

“Yes, that! Storm, you truly are your mother’s son when it comes to talking about… sex. There, I said it!” The Gentleman proclaimed to the universe in general. “Sex, fornication, nighttime bedroom festivities, rutting…”

“Well done, Richie!” Roseluck cheered from behind the door.

Richard pointed an accusing finger at the closed door, waggling it in mock sternness as his son looked on. “Hey, you’re supposed to be in hiding! This is a man’s discussion! Right, Storm?”

“Hey, yeah! This is supposed to be private!”

“Sorry boys! I just couldn’t help but check in on Daddy. You had me worried for a second there…” The sound of distant hooffalls up the stairs announced Roseluck’s departure.

“Just wait, Storm. Just wait. Someday… you too will have to live a life without secrets.” He smiled good-naturedly at his son, and ruffled his mane. “That’s how it is with relationships, though. Remember that. And maybe I’m not the best person to be saying this, given my past occupation, but it’s okay to wait, especially if you’re not emotionally ready for it. I’m guessing some colts or tiercels have given you a hard time about fillies?”

“Both.” Storm nodded solemnly. “They’d always talk about it like it was the first step to becoming a stallion or something.”

Roseluck’s attitude now made complete sense to Richard. “Well let me tell you; there’s plenty of ways to have fun that don’t involve sex.”

“Like what?” Storm asked, genuinely curious about what his human stepfather thought of as being fun.

Richard’s eyes seemed to twinkle as he addressed his son with a smile. “Son, you ever hear of tannerite?”

Author's Note

It's back from the dead!

Edit: High-energy turnout for this chapter. 10 new likes in one day! Can I take you all home with me?

Thanks to Firesight, as always for the editing. And thanks to Silentwoodfire, Cogwheelbrain, and Denim_Blue for the preread.

Next chapter will see us return to the theme of nighttime movies and two-tiered Human/Pony clop. Mm Mmm! My favorite!

5/23/2018: Grammarly edit pass complete.

Equestrian Housewife

A thick plume of steam billowed up from a pot of boiling potatoes as Roseluck lifted the heat-resistant lid with her teeth, setting it down on the counter to her left, which held an assortment of common kitchen spices and salt in glass containers.

The florist had worked hard to master basic cooking after living a life of dependence on her boss and friend, Daisy, to keep herself fed. Now living with a human stallion whose idea of dinner involved cardboard boxes, all manner of modern processing, preservatives, and the absolute horror of fast-food restaurants — the poor mare had fainted when Lyra described the concept of them to her — Roseluck knew she’d be called upon to help feed her stallion in the far-less industrialized land of Equestria.

She liked to think she was bringing a savage to dignity. A handsome savage with great abs, nice flanks, sweet disposition, and great bedroom technique, but a savage nonetheless.

Dressed in an old-fashioned frilly white apron decorated with horseshoes and wearing a necklace of pearls over off-white fur-tight silk lingerie, the pony cook, armed with a long two-pronged fork in one hoof and leaning slightly on the elevated stovetop with the other, gave one of the potatoes a poke. It gave easily. About done! Roseluck smiled, nickering contently. After repeating the check on the broccoli boiling on a nearby embedded electric coil burner, she felt confident enough to turn off the heat and get her prepared ingredients ready to finish up before Richard got home after his late-shift from the airport.

Satisfied with her work, Roseluck wiped her brow, dropping down to the off-white tiled kitchen floor with a loud clop to peer inside the oven window. A small prepared chicken, perfect for the two of them, cooked up brown and appetizing, marinating in its juices. The mare gave a gentle “mmm!” licking her lips. If humanity had taught her one thing, it was that eggs weren’t the only part of the chicken worth eating — though her adopted son’s endorsement of roast chicken was certainly a great help.

It didn’t stop her from fainting when Storm brought up the flying boar he’d eaten with Godmother Linky that the Caleponian had personally killed with her crossbow while hunting in Ten-neigh-see on vacation. There is such a thing as being too open-minded! Roseluck thought, pouring a mixture of milk, butter and salt over the mashed and steaming spuds. Within seconds, she’d whipped them up into a large but fluffy mass.

Having finished dinner and prepared the table with time to spare, Roseluck ran back up to her room and grabbed a small vial from under the mattress pad and box springs of her Princess-sized bed, popped the cork with a nefarious grin and took a drink, draining it quickly. The instructions Zecora had given her, in rhyme of course — “have a full meal after the dose, you should know. That will enable the milk to best flow!” — warned her to make sure she’d eaten well for it to work. Got that covered! she thought to herself. Her stiff, aroused nipples, exposed through two strategically-placed holes in her dress, beginning to tingle inside and out as the fabric surrounding her teats slowly began to expand. Enjoy your dessert, Richard!

The sound of the front door opening downstairs announced Richard’s arrival. “Man, that smells good!” The human looked around the room for his wife, finally spotting her at the top of the staircase. “You’re certainly dressed up for a quiet uneventful evening. Our boy hanging out with Calluna again?”

“Mhmmm…” Roseluck descended the staircase deliberately, eyes hooded as she swayed her hips and tail with practiced technique honed by years of stallion-chasing, her teats swinging gently below, adding to the spectacle of equine physical harmony. “So I thought we’d enjoy a quiet night to ourselves. Maybe even catch up with our new friend, Terra?”

“I like the way you think!” The ex-gentleman pressed his comparatively thin lips against his wife’s, running both hands through the soft, short fur of her long neck, making her moan with approval. “Honey, it smells delicious! We’re going to be having some serious leftovers though. Looks like you cooked enough for four.” Removing his jacket and shoes, as usual, Richard reached behind him to hang the jacket on a nearby coat rack.

Roseluck smiled innocently, turning away from her lover towards the table, giving her teats a flirtatious shake, her eyes hooded. “I hope you don’t mind if I’m… eating for two!” The two glands had already swelled noticeably to Richard’s eyes and felt far fuller to Roseluck as well.

Dropping the jacket a clear two feet away from the intended target, Richard’s eyes widened and he felt a familiar tightness in his trousers as he noticed the ‘alterations’ to Roseluck’s 1950’s nostalgia wear. “You — you weren’t joking about feeding me!” Richard drew the mare into a long, sloppy kiss, kneading her powerful earth pony barrel as their tongues dueled fiercely.

This is working a little too well! Roseluck mused, making the painful decision to shut him down in the short term. Good things come (inside me) to those who wait! “Mmm!” Roseluck drew back from him, putting her hoof against his pouting lips. “Honey, your food is going to get cold! You need to eat your brussel sprouts before you can have dessert.”

Heart pounding from their sudden and unexpected moment of passion, he willed himself to think about eating dinner instead of his pony wife. “But you didn’t make brussel sprouts! Real shame too. They’re actually pretty amazing if you cook them with garlic and butter with just a smidge of olive oil...”

“You know what I meant, silly!” Roseluck stole a quick kiss before taking a seat at the table. “It is kind of surprising that you’d know a recipe like that. I’ve seen what you kept in that icebox of yours back in Manehatten. Not exactly The Cart House level of fine dining.”

Richard ran a large hand through his buzzcut blonde hair, grinning sheepishly. “Well, it’s not mine, actually. It’s one of my mother’s. I guess I did get a bit lazy about cooking when I got older. The broccoli will do fine,” he promised, sitting down at the table and letting Roseluck serve him.

As they ate, the two discussed Lily and Goldie’s potential strategy for approaching a discussion about sex with Calluna, and Rose proposed maybe bringing in Godmother Linky to give advice. Though slightly grimacing at the thought, Richard conceded it might be best for the often blunt-spoken mare to give some direct advice from the pair that everypony else seemed too embarrassed to offer.

Satisfied they had a plan, their thoughts turned back to more romantic notions. Far from forgetting Richard’s initial reaction to her attire, Roseluck had allowed her tail to flag freely throughout the meal, displaying herself whenever she went back to the kitchen, reassuring her stallion he wouldn’t have long to wait. Making good on her promise to eat for two, Roseluck downed a full plate of roast chicken, mashed potatoes with butter, salt, and pepper. By the end of the meal, as she got up to clear the table, she could feel her teats begin to firm with warm, fresh milk.

Richard raised a hand, knowing well enough that his increasingly traditional marewife was going to push him out of housework unless he intervened. “I’ll get the dishes, honey. Really, it’s the least I can do…”

“You’re so sweet, Richard! I know you feel like you’re taking advantage, but really, you do work a lot more hours than I do these days. How about you do the washing and I’ll dry them?”

“God, you’re wonderful…”

Roseluck blushed even as her eyes went hooded again. “I know, Richard, I know… but I never tire of hearing it!”

The two had just taken up station in front of the sink and made it through the first three dishes when Roseluck’s cell phone rang — an obnoxiously chipper series of beeping sounds the salesman told her were a throwback to the early 2000’s ringtones before people resorted to purchased movie clips and pop songs off the internet. Given the separate human and pony internets hadn’t been linked yet, much less any digital copyright agreements drafted, it would have to do.

“Oh, here she goes again…” Richard smiled, shaking his head knowingly.

“I don’t know how Linky deals with it…” Roseluck opened her phone to an image of Prince Blueblood, his face transformed into that of a grinning cartoon frogman’s, complete with blonde mane and unicorn horn. A crudely drawn crying face meme — Twinkleshine called him ‘feelsbadman’ in previous conversations — was photoshopped over the face of a nearby human holding a protest sign, tears streaming down his face, with a huge, flashy Gentleman For Mares sign in the background.

“Still not tired of winning. Go get ‘em, Blueblood!” Roseluck read Twinkleshine’s message aloud, showing the strange image to Richard, before visiting the imbedded ponynet link to a story on Prince Blueblood delivering a stinging rebuke to HERD protesters, drawing a comparison between them and “their immature, unemployed liberal art major counterparts back on earth who never got their cutie marks either.”

“Savage…” Richard cringed after his wife had finished read the story to him. “The only thing he forgot to add was asking HERD if ‘they even lifted’. He’s got a point though. I guess some people never do discover who they really are. It’s a sick gift of the digital age that many of my people will never be required to learn.”

“Because they don’t have to actually go out and do it, right?” Roseluck replied as she composed a response to her friend. “I’m not convinced this won’t happen here too. It’s amazing how much Twinkleshine’s changed since ponynet. She already has a job that doesn’t require her to leave her arcane studies lab except for the occasional transport to Canterlot to pick up more reagents. If she didn’t have Linky around to wargame with, she’d probably never leave! I can’t even understand a lot of the slang she uses anymore…”

“Never do I, to be honest.” Richard placed a large pot in the dish rack over the top of their glasses and plates before Rose returned to kitchen duty. “I haven’t used the internet in years and have no idea when a religion was formed around the concept of memes becoming real or how any of this is connected with frog people. The last thing I remember was everyone sharing pictures of cats with silly messages typed out in impact font. Kek sounds vaguely familiar though. Where have I heard that word before?”

“No tellin’ honey.” Roseluck buffed the large pot to a shine before putting it back in its proper place. “But from what ponies tell me about owning cats, I’m happy to never keep one of those creepy, unnatural predators in my house!”

“Hey! Cats are awesome. They’re a family tragedy waiting to happen when they die though, like all pets.” Richard sighed. “I never did get used to saying goodbye to an old friend…”

Rose hugged her husband around the stomach. “Sweetie, you’re making me down!” She gave a swat on the rear with her tail. “Now I’m going to have to bring you back up!”

“Or send us both to hell!” Richard plopped the dish that carried the chicken down on the rack, and pulled the plug on the drain, having finished with the dishes. “Not that I’m complaining. All my friends are going to be there! But will our friend, Terra, be able to outdo herself this episode?”

“Let’s find out! Onward!” The pair raced for the couch, Roseluck vaulting clear over it to reach the DVD player. Opening the glass case with one hoof while catching the jewel case in her teeth, Richard turned the TV one with the remote and opened the tray which Roseluck proceeded to load with the disc. The entire process took less than five seconds, the Movie Night ritual being a well-rehearsed art in the Rose/Eckhart Household.

Their work completed, Richard assumed his usual place back against the back of the couch while Rose laid back against him, the human’s hands quickly finding her belly, all the softer for being covered with silk. Freeing up one of his hands to grab the remote of the headrest, he gave the tip of her ear a quick nip and brought up the second chapter from the main menu. The image inside the tiny box displaying the porno pony’s form laid back on her bed inside what appeared to be a college dorm room. “I think I know where this is going…”

The sound of running water from a nearby shower dominated the otherwise silent room. The camera panned across the room, revealing several posters of famous musicians, rappers and R&B singers, and a pennant displaying the fictional college’s colors.

“Ugh… How people can listen to anything but 90’s Hip-Hop and R&B I’ll never understand. All these rap and R&B guys talk about now is women with big butts,” Richard griped. “Hell, they even got a woman with a big butt to rap about all the guys she’s had sex with and sounds like she’s on helium. That’s equality, I suppose...”

Roseluck brought a hoof to her chin. “You know that actually sounds kind of awesome! I can imagine doing something like that myself. How about it, Richard? You think I got what it takes to be a star?”

“You certainly do, Sweetie! But I appreciate it that you don’t.” Richard gave one of her wife’s see-through, silken-clad teats a pinch; who whinnied, squirting a small stream of milk onto the cushion below.

“I-I wasn’t ready for that to happen! Be careful, Richard; they’re full and very sensitive!” Roseluck’s marehood winked wetly and audibly and she shivered in her lover’s arms.

“Sorry, sweetie. I’ll be careful…” he took to rubbing them more gently as they watched.

On the single bed in the room, Terra Foliata had one of the newer Equestrian manufactured cellphones in her hoof and against her pierced and studded ear. Reaching between her legs with the other, she began pawing at her tender pink lips as she spoke to the person on the other end, “Biggie, we need you over here! Our mutual friend says she’s interested in taking things further. She’s showering up right now... “

Momentary silence as the voice on the other end spoke. The camera switched to overhead, giving the viewers a good look at her trademarked silver crucifix and Celestia-sized teats, as well as her equine-themed bed cover. — “Once a pony, always a pony!” Roseluck interjected — Terra gave a laugh at something the other person said, “You know that’s wrong! I’m expecting a little something from you too, Biggie.” The mare rolled her eyes now, clearly getting fed up with this person’s chatter. “Listen, Broseph; just roll you and your big ol’ wiener out here so we can show my sister a good time! I’m sure you’ll have no problem handling it.”

Apparently pleased, by his reaction, Terra smiled. “That’s the spirit! You don’t need to be all nervous alla sudden. See you in ten minutes, Biggus Dickus. A’ight… Later.”

“Biggus Dickus…” Roseluck giggled into her hoof.

Richard paused the video. “Omnipotent warrior of Rome! Perhaps me and the dude she’s talking to are related, eh Rose?”

Roseluck eeped, covering her mouth. “Oh, dear! That would make me Incontinentia Buttocks, wouldn’t it?”

“Only if I gave it to you every day,” Richard replied huskily, cupping his hand around one of her soft and firm furry cheeks, giving it a squeeze.

Roseluck nickered contently as she snuggled up against her husband. “If only some mares could be so lucky! Richard can you…”

“I will later. And upstairs this time! No more wrecking our couch... Alright, I’m hitting play now — curious to see if this is what I think it is.”

Behind the closed door, the sound of running water stopped. The camera lovingly focusing in on Terra’s moist slit, her silver clit ring shining brightly off the studio lighting as she ground a moist hoof into it. “We are so getting fucked tonight!” the impatient mare shouted rapturously as she dug herself in deeper, whimpering audibly.

“He said yes!?” The feminine voice came back from behind the door. “But why are you starting already?”

Terra stopped grinding momentarily, lifting her neck off the pair of goose down pillows supporting her. “Because he’s having you first, filly! I’m taking the edge off now so I can enjoy the show.” She took another stab at her rather large button with the soft part of her hoof, sending a shiver down all four legs.

“In that case… let me give you a bit of a helping hoof…” The voice came back, playful and haughty from behind her wooden barricade. The knob on the door began to turn, slowly, the camera now pointing near the lower half of the door as steam emerged from the opening in the doorway…

Richard spotted them both first and they emerged from the misty bathroom. “Holy shit, those are boobs! Jeez, it’s been a long time since I’ve seen those… no offense, dear,” he quickly added, his hand involuntarily going to her swollen teats again.

“None taken, Richie.” Roseluck cooed softly as he kissed her behind the ear. “Can only hope they feel as good as these!”

Darker than the rest of her bronze-colored skin, and parting the white towel she wore like two dunes rising out of a sandy shoreline, the camera lingered on the raven-haired woman’s ample bosom; the supple mounds cutting a deep valley from which the remaining water from her shower had run down, leaving only a few remaining drops like puddles in a dry riverbed. Her green eyes looked down upon her equine lover from an imposing height as she approached the threshold of the bed, finally allowing the towel to fall off her back as she kneeled down on the mattress.

Terra shimmied her head down of her pillowy loft, lifting all four legs straight into the air, offering her moist one to her girlfriend, who accepted with a kiss. “Don’t wear yourself out too much, Ameena! You’re going to need all your strength for Biggie. He’s shy, but once he gets going… he doesn't mess around!”

Ameena wagged a disapproving finger at her equine friend before joining her on the bed. “You make him sound like a machine instead of the adorable boy he is. All of this talking about his big cock is only making him worry more about hurting me.” The tall woman smoothed Terra’s soft belly fur with both hands while straddling the mare on kneeled legs. “So here’s the deal, little pony: You gently coax our skittish friend into bed with us and I’ll continue to let you eat whipped cream off my…”

A knock at the door cut into the conversation. “Damn! he’s more eager than I thought! He must have run all the way here from the quad. Surprised he didn’t trip over that fifth leg of his, Ami!”

Ameena’s eye narrowed, waggling her finger once more before booping her lover on the nose with it — the latter scrunching her nose.

“Pffff-ff-ff-fff! Sorry, Ami. Fuck! Just trying to help him not be such a pussy-whipped beta male.”

Roseluck’s ears splayed back at the harsh language. “How is it I can’t understand a word of that and I know it’s terrible?”

Richard chuckled and scratched his wife’s ear. “Now that I can translate for you. She’s saying her friend with the large dick is being passive and worshipping Ameena as a goddess instead of seeing her as an equal. She has a good point. Interspecies relationships are fun, but pedestalizing your partner is unhealthy. Besides, he has a big dick. That should be enough for any woman or pony, at least for the sake of porn.”

Roseluck nickered gently at the scratching. “A big dick certainly never hurt! Point taken. Now let’s see what Biggus ends up doing to this human mare. I’m…” Roseluck looked up at the paused screen, eyes catching the human’s large teats. “...I’m curious how I’ll feel about that.”

“You and me both!” He clicked the remote and the movie resumed playing.

“Remember our deal! If you want these wares, you need to meet my price!” The haughty bedouin hefted one of her large, very erect breasts mere inches from Terra’s muzzle before turning to face the door. “Big Bit, if that’s you, dear, come on in — Oh!”

Below her, Terra grabbed Ameena around the middle, pulling her down and attacked with muzzle and tongue, lapping the drips of water from between her earth-colored mounds — her teats stiffening as a red-mohawked, tan-coated stallion walked through the door.

“Terra? Ameena? You’re… ohgodIcanwaitbye!” The huge earth pony’s voice cracked as he backed out the way he’d come, Terra’s laughter ringing out behind him. Kis’ yabla’ak! she cursed teasingly, telling her friend to get swallowed by a vagina in idiomatic arabic, pushing the laughing mare back onto the mattress.

“Hell, I can think of worse ways to die!” Terra replied, still laughing on her back as Ameena walked to the door to let the anxious — and very aroused — stallion in, ignoring the fact she was still naked.

“It’s huge! Richard! He’d even give Saddle Arabians a run! And now he's going to murder that fragile-looking thing! Even I’d have trouble taking it, but her? She couldn’t pull a cart to save her life!” Rose bit her hoof nervously as she considered the human woman’s frailty.

“Going to be a very physical docking procedure to be sure.” Richard concurred, ignoring Roseluck’s adorably innocent Equestrian racism, face radiating with an inexplicable shame. He’d seen many a stallion erect before, even watched them rut a mare while sharing with one, but felt a heady rush at the thought of seeing one of his own kind getting tucked in.

The camera panned in on the length of Biggie’s other ‘biggie’, fully erect and extending fourteen inches across his round, muscular belly, tipped by a proportionately massive flared head, his oversized equipment only accented further by a cutie mark of a stainless-steel drill bit biting into a piece of lumber. “Biggie, I’m so sorry! Please come in. Terra is being ridiculous tonight. Unless… you’re not ready to do this?”

“He looks ready to me!” Terra proclaimed lustfully, hungrily taking in the sight of the excited stallion.

Big Bit looked around the room nervously for a moment. Terra poked her tongue out at him and licked her lips. The woman smiled and kissed his muzzle, resting her hands on his withers. “Ameena… y-you are so willing! How can this be?” he asked nervously, excited yet anxious, his rigid shaft twitching beneath his belly.

“Like I’ve told you before, Biggie, humans aren’t all against the idea of sharing a man. Particularly such a virile stud such as yourself! I want the three of us to finally make this official. But I want you to be as comfortable with this as the two of us.” Ameena gestured towards Terra. “So it’s up to you on how you want to proceed.”

“If I might suggest…” Terra raised a hoof as if asking permission in class. “Since you’ve never made love to a human, you might let me give you some direction? As much as I want to see you rut her into a sweaty, quivering, moaning mess of undulating sexiness immediately, she’s going to want to you take your time so she can get used to your size and really enjoy herself! Also, you’d be surprised just what we can do with our hooves alone!” Ameena nodded in agreement, smiling.

The stallion seemed to take heart immediately, his countenance uplifting at once along with the equine cock beneath his belly. “Well… sure! That is if you don’t mind.”

“Not at all!” Ameena jumped up onto the bed and laid back where Terra had been, head back against the pillow, her legs spread wide. Terra claimed the high ground at the foot of the bed, looking down on the welcoming sight. With some prompting by Terra, somewhat exasperated with his lingering shyness, she directed Big Bit to climb halfway onto the bed with his forehooves, his fifth leg brushing the sheets, to get a better look. His eyes gazing directly upon deep cleavage.

Deciding the best course of instruction was just to do it, Terra gently gripped and tugged at one of Ameena’s nipples with her hoof, causing the latter’s breath to seize. “Very sensitive, they are. And Ameena loves how they rub against the inside of the hoof.” She explained with a haughty smirk.

She alternated between breasts, gripping them softly in her suction and releasing them with a gentle jiggle, stopping only to knead their mass now and again, eliciting, even more, moans from Ameena. “And that’s not all she likes…” Terra took one of her friend’s large human breasts into her mouth, working her tongue hard on the sensitive bumpy edge of the great squishy mound; Ameena’s right hand drifted southward to her gently weeping entrance as the sound of her startled gasps and labored breaths filled the room.

“So that’s why you always lay behind me! You’re trying to keep me from getting any ideas, no doubt!” Roseluck teased. “Your nipples are mine from this day forward!”

“Not if I get yours first!” His wife gave a playful scream as he gave one of her sensitive teats a squeeze, letting loose a stream of hot milk into the much-abused couch cushions.

“You can’t go one video with me without ruining the couch, can you? Such a messy hunter, you are!” Roseluck teased, her tail beginning to flag wildly across Richard’s chest.

“We can’t break tradition now can we?” Richard gave the ear another nibble. “Little pony?”

A rivulet of honey began to trickle down Roseluck’s thighs.

The camera panned in on Big Bit’s fully erect mare-driller, precum forming at the tip, eager to join in, but he held back.

“Let’s not forget how good pony fur feels on her supple, bronze skin, my well-endowed friend!” Terra oozed seductively, placing her muzzle between her supple mounds while Ameena squeezed them together, reveling in the friction between fur and flesh. All the while Terra continued to lick the bottom of the deep gorge, breathing in her earthy human scent, a sweet and spicy smell so loved by ponies since man and mare first made love, wafted up her nose, goading her onward.

Emerging from her erotic trap, Terra flattened out against the sheets, the human lifting her legs and resting them on the mare’s back in one well-orchestrated flourish. Sparing a moment to kiss her lover deeply, Terra turned her attention to the slickened, pink entrance, shaved completely clean. “Watch and learn, kohai. You will be seeing this material again, so I suggest you take detailed notes on pleasuring a gal. I’ll be grading you on your performance later!” she warned, causing Big Bit to gulp even as he couldn’t tear his eyes away from the display.

Not bothering to wait for a reply, Terra went to work, licking the precum from Ameena’s dark, brown lips with the tip of her tongue ring. “You should probably get a ring like mine too, Biggie. Works better than you might think!”

“Yes ma’am!” the stallion replied automatically, his attention drawn to the face of his girlfriend who was turned to look at him, smiling blissfully, running her long, thin fingers across his neck and muzzle.

Bracing her legs with her two freakishly flexible equine forehooves, Terra plunged her tongue in deep, the churning walls nipping at her slippery member in a vain attempt to trap it inside. A long, piercing cry from Ameena, told the mare she was on the right track. Wishing she had fingers, the earth pony withdrew, adjusted her lover’s legs to a more agreeable position and dove back in, repeatedly striking at her most vulnerable point, filling the room with her human lover’s song.

Hesitating slightly, Big Bit leaned in, reaching over and grasping one of Terra’s breasts as Terra had shown him. The look on her face telling him he’d aced his first test.

“Terra…” Ameena gasped between moans. “I love you. I love you both!”

“I love you too, Ameena. The two kissed long and hard as Terra continued to work on her womanhood, gently massaging her lover’s rump with the hoof trick she’d used earlier.

“I get the feeling those three are an item,” Richard said knowingly. “Ya don’t hear ‘I love you’ in too many pornos.”

“I hope they’re as happy as us!” Roseluck replied, nickering softly.

After a low-angled shot of Terra’s winking marehood and cutie mark looming up above, Ameena came with a force rivaling an Equestrian mare, her orgasm muffled by her stallion lover. With a parting lick to Ameena’s hardened pearl, she licked her lips and jumped off the bed. “Getting started on her early, eh? That’s the kind of initiative I like to see!” She looked to up to see her two friends nuzzling.

“Thank you, Terra. I’ll keep all of that in mind for next time.” Big Bit looked away for a moment.

“Yes, Biggie? You look like you have something on your mind. What is it?” Ameena replied, stroking the fur on his neck.

“Well, I’ve always really thought you have a nice… neck. Like… I know it’s not really normal for humans but…”

“Say no more, Biggie! I’m quite flattered, really! I’m still amazed a handsome stallion like yourself can find something to appreciate in a human. I mean, I must look like I came down from a flying saucer to most stallions.”

Biggie joined Ameena on top of the bed, giving the side of her neck a lick. “You came from the human heaven, Ameena. You’re an angel.”

“Sappy but serviceable. Not bad Biggie. Not bad.” Terra sank down into a pony-length bean bag chair next to a flat-screen TV attached to the wall and gaming console.

“You’re not bad yourself, Earth Child!” Big Bit replied winking. “I forget you’re even a pony sometimes.”

“I run this shit. What can I say?” Terra gave an equine shrug, perfectly at home with human slang and curse words. “But you talk too much you big dick sumbitch. Weren’t you about to put on a show for me?”

“Oh my God, Terra…” Richard arched his head back and laughed. “What the hell is wrong with you? I swear I went to High School with this person and I’m fairly certain he was a guy.”

“Oh, I don’t know…” Roseluck replied, somewhat defensively. “I mean, sure she sounds… rather exotic, but she knows what she likes. You know we mares aren’t shy about our love interests. You know, besides you-know-who…”

“The horror!” Richard replied on cue.

Ameena scowled at the mare, her wagging finger at the ready. “I told you!” What she told Terra went unsaid as Big Bit began to lick her neck in earnest between pressing his thick, equine lips against her neck. Her moans told him, she didn’t mind the pony style of foreplay at all, arching her head to bare more of her neck’s expanse.

‘You’re so sweet, Biggie.” Ameena looked up at the stallion towering over her after he finished. ‘So… how do you want to, um...”

“If he goes in pony style, you’re going to regret it, trust me.” Terra chimed in. It’s possible, but he’s still going to be going in blind and his dick ain’t gonna do him any favors.” Terra rubbed her chin. “Hey Biggie, roll over on your back and let her climb aboard.”

“Good thinking, Terra! Big Bit smiled, showing large, flat teeth.

“You can thank me after you two are done. This should be quite a show!” Terra took the position at the side of the bed where Biggie had been, watching the two get into position — Biggie laying on his back with all fours in the air, Ameena straddling his belly with her legs, crouched over him. His erect phallus rubbed up against her back as she positioned herself; she could barely get her hand around the trunk-like shaft.

“You’re absolutely sure you can… fit?” Big Bit asked, clearly not entirely over his jitters.

“Trust me, Biggie. I’m not as fragile as I look!” She reached down and brought one of his forehooves to her lips, kissing it in the royal fashion. She pressed down gently, the head slowly piercing her entrance. Once or twice she pulled back up, wondering if he wasn’t right about being too large. Waving off any further protests, she repositioned and, looking into his bright yellow eyes, took a deep breath and thrust herself down. Her eyes widened in shock when she not only took the head but a few inches of shaft as well, her walls exploding with pleasure.

“I can’t believe it!” The stallion gaped at her as if she’d flown under her own power. “You’re so…” he couldn’t finish the sentence as his hips began to involuntarily thrust upwards.

“Anything for you, Biggie.” Ameena climbed off of him, a good deal of honey spilling out of her widened entrance and down her lover’s shaft. She repositioned again, easily taking the head this time. With a smile and a wink, she thrust herself down fully this time, taking him down all the way to the medial ridge — the pain of pleasure tearing through her body and piercing the room with a rapturous cry. She went silent, her head bowed as if in meditation for nearly twenty seconds.

“Oh. My. God! Biggie, you sent her to paradise. Way to go, buddy!” Terra laughed maniacally.

The laughter seemed to pull Ameena back from eternity and her eyes refocused. And then she grinned… evilly. Slowly, she lifted herself slowly, slowly upwards on shaky legs before plunging herself down onto him again and again, taking just a bit more of his shaft each time to a watching Terra’s delight and amazement; each thrust driving the pair of them closer and closer to climax. With one final push, Biggie could take no more, all but roaring as he bucked his hips a final time and emptied himself up and into his new beloved, which in turn caused her to orgasm a second time as her insides were flooded with massive amounts of hot and creamy equine seed. The mixture of his fluids and her own coated the most lucky fellow’s apples in a thick glaze.

“Whew! For a second there I thought she was dead…” Roseluck stared dumbly at the screen, the movie still playing as Terra came along to clean things up with her tongue. Incredibly, Biggie was back up within seconds and ready for another round.

“File under ‘don’t try this at home, ladies’.” Richard opined, the scene playing itself out. “If she doesn’t have a stallion boyfriend, I hope to God she finds one. Not too many guys are going to be able to compete with that and for as loose as that must have made her, not many guys’ll be able to satisfy her now!”

“Well, Richard… I know of only one guy who can satisfy me and a darn good place he can start,” Roseluck purred.

“And I don’t need Terra’s help to tell me how to do it!” Richard replied in like kind. “Looks like mare milk is back on my menu!”

“Not if I get my own snack first!” Standing up to execute a tactical 90-degree turn, Roseluck dipped her head down below her belly and took Richard’s length in her mouth, gently sucking his tip clean as he helped himself to Roseluck’s homemade recipe — her ample teats gushing into his mouth with the slightest prod of his nimble digits.

The couch was not spared the milky tide as Richard battled futilely against the flood, drinking down all he could but her potion-charged teats outpacing him. Above him, the warmth of Roseluck’s impending orgasm crept steadily southward from her belly, causing her to entrance to wink audibly. He knew she was desperately close, but his trembling loins betrayed his own vulnerabilities to Roseluck well-practiced tongue.

Her pace quickened, the thrill of being milked was almost too much to stand. Light-headed and feeling the rush of heat and pleasure build up behind her entrance, she made a final, desperate push for victory over the mare hunter, darting her tongue quickly up and down along his entire length.

Rose’s nipple popped out of Richard’s mouth at the final moment before succumbing to Roseluck’s exquisite technique, filling her mouth almost completely. Remembering to lift her head before swallowing, she gave a victorious cry, announcing her triumph over her predator.

Conceding defeat but unwilling to leave a good deed unrewarded, he formed a spear with his fingers and plunged them into her depths, the rush of marecum breaking through with inhuman, primal force.

The two said nothing while they both recovered for nearly five minutes, their bodies entwined on the milk-soaked sofa; only the sound of heavy breathing could be heard throughout the darkened room. Finally, Roseluck spoke. “Richard…”

“Yes, dear?”

Roseluck smiled, giving her teats a little shake. “You want to save the… leftovers?”

Richard laughed aloud, rubbing his hands together. “Well, I do get thirsty working in the hangar! I’ll get the bottles…”

Author's Note

Been awhile, has it not?

Thanks to Firesight for editing with his usual promptness and Silentwoodfire for pre-reading and badgering me to get my lazy ass in gear to start writing again.

5/23/2018 Grammarly edit pass complete. As an aside... I don't like this chapter at all. What the fuck was I doing? Goddamn, this chapter is weird. I'll have to come back to it later though. Lots on my plate between TSoP, AGP, and FRI.

Tonight's Top Story

Roseluck laid on the couch next to her adopted son with Richard sitting on the loveseat, remote in hand as the trio waited anxiously for the news to air.

Twinkleshine, who followed the news religiously from Equestria’s nascent internet 1.0 had been blowing up Roseluck’s phone all day with news of the biggest ‘happening’ — as Twinkleshine was now fond of calling big news stories — since the defeat of the Cloven. The newspaper hadn’t covered it since the story was developing in real-time and television news only covered what happened during the day in an hour-long program at seven o’clock at night, leaving the tech-savvy Equestrians to piece together breaking news from the Chinese whispers of ponynet chatrooms and imageboards. What they both gathered had made Twinkleshine quite happy.

“Big if true”, she’d reported. “Linky will finally have her wish and be able to start having foals. I just hope I can talk her down from eight of them. I’m not entirely sure if she’s joking or not given her previously stated desire to breed her own personal army. I shouldn’t complain though, she is offering to carry them for me so I get to be a daddy! I can’t wait!”

“I’m pretty sure hell will freeze over before they manage to fit eight foals inside of Twinkle’s mage tower. Can you even imagine trying to childproof a structure like her’s that seems to be designed with falling deaths in mind?” Richard reassured his worried wife who read back her last message out loud.

“I know, Richard. I just know Twinkleshine enough to say she’s going to take things a little too far. I don’t think ponies are really ready for the avalanche of foals we’re about to get. All these mares that have never been able to find a stallion are going to want one, or eight, of their own.” Roseluck bit her hoof nervously.

“Back in the United States, a man and woman would raise eight children and they turned out fine. Besides, you always got modern technology and magic to allow for more ponies to survive.” Richard’s face darkened as he set the remote down on the coffee table he’d been gripping out of habit. “Of course there is also the fact that humans are immigrating here and you want to keep your birthrate higher than ours to maintain your civilization and identity.”

“Oh, Richard. There you go again!” Roseluck replied airily, waving a dismissive hoof at him. “Equestria is going to be fine. I understand some humans back on Earth aren’t worth having over here, but Celestia has done well at picking only the best, most handsome ones who follow our laws and customs to come over here and she’s had thousands of years of experience and wisdom with this running the nation type stuff. She wouldn’t just invite the worst of the worst to come live in our country or start demanding we do things their way.” Roseluck covered her mouth and giggled. “Who could possibly be that dumb?” Before Richard could name any names back on Earth, the news cut in with channel four’s resident mare newscaster.

"Starting off with the big news that’s been buzzing around the ponynet. Princess Luna has provided confirmation of a proposal to parliament that will boost Equestria’s population using the Realm of Dreams to allow for mares in herds or matched pairs to impregnate their partners. I don’t have to tell you how many mares have dreamed this day would come…” The emotion shined from the mare’s large, expressive blue eyes.

Roseluck sympathized immediately, understanding the gnawing frustration of not being able to bring a new life into the world, even if for different reasons. “I think Nellie Belle is going to be first in line, eh, Richard?” Roseluck’s mouth dropped open, all thoughts of her own situation forgotten for the time. “Oh my goodness! Lily and Golden Harvest will be in line too! If I know Goldie, she’s going to be jumping at the chance to be a mother!”

“I can already imagine Lily fainting.” Richard offered dryly, shaking his head slowly.

“Wow, this is so cool! I betcha we could have ponies all over back in Caleponia in no time, Mom! The fillies up there really liked fooling around!”

“Stormy!” Roseluck shot the teenaged colt a scandalized look, Richard silently enjoyed the sight of his sexually-open wife clutching her metaphorical pearls but couldn’t help but feel sad about his son taking a such a cold, strategic view of childbirth. He was too young to see the world in such harsh terms.

“There are going to be restrictions based on age and marital status so expect the government to have a say on things in the end. The vote as of yet has not passed through the House of Commons — That’s Equestria’s legislative body on the governing of laypony citizens and foreign visitors for you foals who haven’t covered civics yet — and is scheduled to convene next Wednesday. But given the popular support and blessings of our diarchs, it’s likely to be unanimous.” The stallion looked soberly at the camera. “I don’t have to tell you all, but this will likely be a very big change for Equestria and all of Equus.”

Roseluck nickered softly. “They better pass it or ponies will revolt.” Maybe Richard and I will be able to use this after all? We’re both married and of legal age… Roseluck remained silent and the other two nodded, but the idea of the pair having foals found new life. If Richard could be brought into the dream, surely this would mean the two being different species could still conceive. A whole host of questions arose in her mind. Was Richard a magical creature? He’s not even from this dimension and yet here he is living among us happily. Was this really all the result of an accident? Rose thought back to the Canadian Pastor she’s met back at the Grand Galloping Gala — a Christian clergyman, Richard had explained. Maybe there really is somepony out there guiding all things. Still kinda creeped out if she’s watching me get tucked in. Cringing slightly from an inexplicable sense of shame, she shifted her focus back to the news.

“Details are still be hammered out on the…” Nellie Belle hesitated for a moment to choose a family-friendly word for sex, lacking the teleprompters in their backwater Ponyville studio the larger cities of Equestria had adopted. “The transfer process that will make this miracle possible, but it’s expected to involve the magical essence present in all Equestrian life forms being recombined inside the dream resulting in the pregnancy of one of the mares. The only catch will, of course, be the mother will need to be biologically capable of bearing the developing child and delivering her to term.” The mare hung her head and ears sympathetically.

“Sadly, we aren’t yet able to heal physical impairments using the dream and treatments beyond individual dream monitoring are still in their infancy. Our prayers here at Channel Four news are with those mares out there who dream of one day having a foal, and we all hope that human medical science might one day hold the key.”

Roseluck lowered her ears sympathetically, Storm hugging her neck, sensing his adoptive mother’s empathic reaction. Richard shook his head solemnly.

After allowing himself an appropriate pause to allow the solemn moment to pass, Prime Time spoke up again. “A very big story indeed, and If you can believe it, dear viewer, there is yet another huge story breaking wide open across the dimensional rift where the joint Equestrian forces guard the portal between our two dimensions. Equestrian magic levels are climbing precipitously on the island and the surrounding ocean according to new reports from the Equestrian Scientific Expedition which carefully monitors both the effect and density levels of our dimension’s unique magical properties, present since the portal first opened. Even more alarming, the intrusion is also being detected at the newly-established trade portals on Earth, leading to increasing calls for isolationists on Earth to shut down the portals until they figure out exactly how the magic is going to affect the human world long-term.”

“Magic… on earth?” A stunned Richard turned up the volume a bit higher as Roseluck gasped, the colt sensing the importance of the moment and remaining silent. As the trio grappled with the implications.

“Speaking from the White House in Washington DC, the American President in his usual blunt fashion called for a temporary shut down to, in his words, ‘figure out what the hell is going on.” Nellie smiled uncomfortably at the harsh word as she looked up from the stack of papers situated in front of her. “You know I think he’d get along well with the Prince! Speaking to the world yesterday, he assured both Equestria and the peoples of the United States the shutdown would only be temporary and reaffirmed our trade and tourism treaties and the alliance between our two dimensions.”

The screen cut away to a man at a podium addressing a room full of clattering camera shutters and sporadic lens flashes. “To our great allies from across the portal who came to our planet in peace and whose people fought side by side with our U.S. Marines against Cloven aggression, I promise you this: America never forgets her friends. Remember that.” The man paused momentarily to allow for his words to sink in as the rate of camera flashes intensified, falling off as he made to continue speaking.

“I’ve spoken with Celestia and Queen Molyneux personally and I know them both to be wonderful leaders — strong leaders! — dedicated to our shared values of liberty and the free exchange of commerce and ideas. Like us, they learned these values the hard way. Like us, their people fought against those who rejected their sovereignty and attacked them without warning. From the beginning, our new friends in Equus have given us no reason to ever doubt their honor, but as one of our great American presidents once said, ‘we trust but verify’.” The man jabbed his pointer finger in the air before resting his arms on the podium, nodding his head slightly his tone becoming more genial as he spoke again to the room. “Wise words, I think you’ll agree.” Falling back into a more formal tone, the President continued his rehearsed speech.

“We look forward to continuing our relationship with the nations and races of Equus once we’ve addressed the legitimate concerns our citizens have raised regarding the environmental hazards associated with our newfound relationship and as in times past we will seek a solution that favors us both. Thank you.”

Richard ran his fingers through his hair, exhaling deeply. “It all sounds so surreal to hear the leader of my former country address me like an alien from another world.”

Prime Time resumed speaking as the screen cut back to the news studio. “We now go live to the Ministry of Magic building in Canterlot where we’ve received word that Archmagus Starswirl the Bearded — recently returned from a thousand-year sojourn in an alternate dimension — is addressing a meeting of the top arcane scientists. We go to him now to hear what he has to say…”

The screen changed to the inside of a stone-carved amphitheater adorned with statues of famous pony wizards carved into the rooms supporting pillars, Luna’s crescent moon shining in from a round opening in the dome-shaped roof. “Magic always seeks to expand its range of influence. This is the First Law of Arcane Dynamics and the first thing a new student of the arcane will be taught,” the stern looking gray unicorn stallion stated authoritatively to the camera from his podium.

“Now that guy is a wizard!” Richard exclaimed at the wizened old gray-maned conjuror with his belled wizard hat, flowing lunar-themed robes and epic beard. “If enough of this fella’s power makes it earth we’re going to have our own Gandalf!”

“Yeh shall noot pass!” Storm roared, wielding the imaginary scepter of the famous wizard, getting into the spirit of the moment to the general laughter and smiles of the others.

“Clearly the opening of new portals has accelerated the process of Equestrianization, but the altering of planet Earth began as soon as the rift was formed. If I was I present at the time the portal opened I would have reminded Luna of the dangers present in alternate dimensions even greater than the dream demons such as The Pony of Shadows or Sisters forbid, the distant threat of the Burning Legion and suggested the gate be closed. Still, even I must admit our interdimensional neighbors have been far more benevolent than I could have expected and even our brief contact with the Human Realm might very well have left irreversible contamination.

“Know this, people of Earth. We cannot stop the force which has been unleashed upon your world. Magic will bond with the earth and sky. Those of whom the spark of knowledge has blessed such as humanity will eventually learn to tap into this power. We are the harbingers of change, for good and for ill even if by no choice of our own. Accept our guidance and assistance with this change and we may yet err on the side of good. Your world has many flaws that could be made right with this power, but it must not be treated lightly. I know of your past and the destructive forces you already command. You wield the power to strike down your very world and everyone who dwells within. But magic… this is a thing the likes of which can affect entire universes.”

Richard frowned, placing the controller on the coffee table as the screen cut back into the newsroom. “Rose, I have a question.”

“What is it, dear?” Roseluck replied, dividing her attention between the two newscasters and her husband.

“The news explained the whole Pony of Shadows thing and how Starswirl returned to me, but what is this about a Burning Legion? Do you actually have Romane-themed bad guys running around here somewhere?”

Roseluck gave a shrug. “Never heard the name in my life. Have you heard of them, Stormie?” The colt shook his head. “Whatever they are, they’re not native to Equestria or I’d have learned about them in school. I bet Twinkleshine knows though. I’ll ask her. Oh!” Turning her cellphone back on she was greeted with a backlog of one-hundred eighteen unread messages. “I’d better read through these first but holy hayseeds, Richard! I’m so excited I don’t know if I’ll be able to sleep. But if magic is seeping into the earth and transforming it, what does this mean for humans living here like you?”

Richard exhaled deeply. “It means we’re the canary in the coal mine, so to speak. Whatever happens to them will happen to us first. But I really don’t feel magical or anything like that. My dreams haven’t been much different here than before. Don’t ponies see Luna in their dreams?”

Roseluck’s heart sank as she nodded, keeping her tone upbeat. “It’s rare, but I’ve seen her once before. She defends dreams from the demonic realm with her Night Guard, but attacks are rare. Mostly Luna just shows up to reminds us she’s watching our dreams and keeping us safe. But, Richard, just because you haven’t met her yet doesn’t mean you never will. If Starswirl is right, the magic will enter you eventually.” I hope…

Storm lifted his hoof like a schoolcolt in a classroom and spoke up. “Dad, does this mean you and Mom going to be able to have foals too?” He looked uncertain and worried as he spoke.

An uncomfortable silence filled the room as the news rolled on to more mundane themes.

Richard walked to the colt and ran his fingers through his mane, who knickered approvingly. “Stormie, that’s something me and Mom are going to have to discuss in private, even assuming it’s possible. But I promise you we’ll talk about it once we’re both ready, okay?”

“And even if we do, that doesn’t mean we’ll love you any less.” Roseluck kissed him.

He looked at least a little relieved at that. “I hope you will. But if you do, I’ll be very happy. I just think the world needs more ponies in it.” Storm replied happily before giving his dad a quick neck hug, he flew upstairs to his room.

Rose walked up to her husband, rearing up to give him a hug. “Richard, please don’t feel obligated to do anything because of tonight.”

“But we both want this. I just know we do.” Richard gave an exasperated reply, almost hating how close they’d come with seemingly no luck to be found.

“Yes, we do. But magic hasn’t allowed me to fly. I want to believe this is our big chance to have our own foals but if it’s not I need to know you’re not going to hate yourself. Please, Richard…”

“Alright, Rose. I promise.” The two separated, with Roseluck’s forehooves clopping down loudly on the floor. “But I think Storm is right. The world is better off with more ponies. If there’s any way I can make this possible for us, I’m going to do it.”

“Maybe there’s a way to check to see if humans are connected to the dreamlike ponies are? Omigosh! I need to check all these messages on my phone. Twinkleshine can probably help us out with all of this.” She grabbed her phone off the couch and started sorting through them. Sure enough, the majority of them came from Twinkleshine. “Oh dear… Richard look at this.” She handed the phone to Richard.

No way he just mentioned the BL! Hayseeds, it’s been years since I’ve heard about that theory. That theory is like… older than dirt and never been confirmed. You two have no idea what I’m talking about. That’s okay. We’re not sure Starswirl knows what he’s talking about either, but I’m getting ahead of myself. So like, you know how you look up into space and see the stars? Well, there are worlds out there too with other ponies living on them or whatever. We’ve never been there but they give off unique magical signatures, not just normal radiation, which scientists assume means those living there are magical.

Richard, I know you’re reading this too, so I’ll help you out. We don’t have an outer space like you humans got in your world. Our space isn’t an imperfect vacuum filled with dust, hydrogen molecules and electromagnetism, but another dimension entirely we call the Twisting Nether where the forces of light and darkness which govern the known universe collide giving rise to creatures like dream demons and well… us ponies. We share our known dimension with twenty-eight other known worlds all connected to one another by green ethereal magic we call ‘nether’. It’s the raw, primordial form of magic that flooded Equestria and slowly evolved with the native lifeforms of Equus and into the different forms of magic, you see today. This is also how the Princesses are able to steer the sun and the moon using magic. No way they’d be able to do that on Earth!

Anyway, we can spot these other worlds on our telescopes and gain some understanding of them using magical resonance frequency reading equipment. Luna can travel some distance outside of our planet’s atmosphere — and the moon of course — but all of the planets are blocked off by the same magical shielding surrounding all of our worlds and prohibits transporting in unless you anchor the terminus for your portal in the exact spot in the universe you’re trying to go. This is almost always a product of accident since the nether isn’t anchored to one time and place. We live in a dimension united by a circular magical highway where all the exits are blocked except our own is the best way I can explain it to your hubby. Anywho, records of changes in these other worlds have been kept for thousands of years, though with a fair many gaps due to war and other internal disruptions. The planet shields don’t let anything in but they will allow information to leave, unlike those black hole things Richard has spoken of that make no logical sense. So they’re sort of a black hole in reverse?

Suffice it to say we’ve been stargazing, or ‘planet gazing’ for a long time. Occasionally, a world will simply ‘die’ for lack of a better term. Their unique magic magical signature fades to red, or fire magic, over the course of decades. When we first started looking there were three fire planets and twenty-five normal planets. Today there’s an even split of fifteen fire planets and fifteen normal ones. I know this is taking forever, but Starswirl himself claims this phenomenon isn’t natural. Those worlds were invaded and conquered, transformed into demonic breeding grounds by a force from outside of the Twisting Nether he called the Great Dark Beyond.

Richard exhaled deeply. “Holy shit! A literal demon army? You’ve never heard anything about a bunch of demons trying to break in here before? Jeez, no wonder ponies haven’t tried traveling through space before. What have I gotten myself into?”

“Does this mean there’s something even worse out there than the Everfree Forest? If that’s true I’m definitely never sleeping again!” Roseluck grit her teeth as the pair read on.

Now I can see you both there expecting death any second now. Before you go cashing in your chips you should know that while no one else in history has mapped more of the Twisting Nether than old Starswirl, the guy is a bit of a pessimist. He’s always been kinda expected the universe is out to get us, ya know? I guess he has a right to be given the experiences he’s gone through living a thousand years in the past and all. Still, nothing has been able to confirm what’s causing the planets to shift over to red or been able to confirm what life is like on any of those worlds. Perhaps humanity will be able to help us out with that someday. Anyway, I got to go. Linky says the both of us are going to need to practice if I am to bare her many strong foals. I’m sure I’ll be able to talk her down from eight. Don’t worry, Rose!

Oh and if it really is demons, Richard will help us fight them, right?

XOXOXO

Twinkleshine

Face raised towards the ceiling as if imploring the universe for answers, Richard gave his foreland a slap with his free hand not holding the magical device. “Sure, I’ll just get the ol’ AC-130 fueled up and get right on that. Thanks for the vote of confidence, Twinkle!”

Roseluck gave a nervous laugh. “Well she did say not of this has been proven. Even if it was true, the Legion has stayed clear of our world for all this time. Maybe our princesses are keeping them from showing up.”

“Or they haven’t figured out a way in,” Richard replied, grimly. “Either way, there’s not really anything we can do about it, huh? This is just another part of living in a post… magical society I guess. To be honest though, Rose, I’m not sure what I can possibly even do in a fight against demons. We haven’t got commercially available firearms around here and even if we did I haven’t fired a rifle since basic training. I’d be more worried if I’m the guy standing next to who I’m shooting at. Also, I’m not entirely sure if human weapons would work against the Armies of Satan...”

Roseluck raised a hoof to Richard’s chest. “Dear, maybe we’re thinking about this the wrong way. You remember what Starswirl said about the First Law of Arcane Dynamics?”

Richard nodded, turning the TV off with his remote. “You want me to go soak myself in it somehow?”

“Why not? If anypony can help you figure out if you’ve got magic potential that we both know, it’s Twinkleshine.” Roseluck coiled her tail around the human’s body, brushing his belly with her tail fur. “Of course there’s always the old-fashioned way of getting your magic!”

“The best way!” Richard replied, running his fingers through the silky-soft red and pink-striped strands, the pair heading upstairs to do their own magical research.

Author's Note

Happy New Years everyone! Cozy up to the fire and enjoy your worldbuilding.

5/23/2018: That's the last of this Grammarly editing. Going forward everything I do will get it beforehand. My editors will appreciate the help I'm sure.

Bat Country Part One

A short, powerfully built man trudged silently across the starlit field, save for the sound of crunching snow beneath his brown leather boots.

He pushed the tip of his large, yellow, pointed wizard hat out of his face for seemingly the hundred time as another gout of wind and snow slapped across his back like vengeful Khioneigh, the Equestrian Goddess of Snow. Said hat was perhaps the only part of his eccentric attire that didn’t quite fit with the frigid, wintery conditions he found himself braving being well-layered behind a blue jacket and green/white striped trousers buckled securely behind a leather strap bearing an exaggerated red leather buckle that matched his equally bombastic, red wizard gloves with overly large white sleeves.

His friends had given him a hard time for it at the airport. But he’d be damned if he wouldn’t look the part of a mage in a world of actual magic. At the very least there’d be a lot fewer people to judge him for it. The man thought back to the day, ten years ago, when he’d left the tiny town of Atherton in the northeastern region of Australia and taken the flight to Neo-Equineox with his two wisecracking Aussie gamer buddies who lived in different parts of Australia: one down south in Sydney, New South Wales and the other in Perth on the west side of the continent. Having made a scene being as stereotypically Australian — crude and obnoxious — as possible, they embarrassed him by telling the mare at the gate he was going to Equestria to find a mate, taking great pains to explain they didn’t mean the Australian term for friend.

The man shook his head as he imagined his past-self, a good sixty pounds overweight for his height, his delicate Anglo-Celtic complexion browned to unrecognizable by the tropical heat of the Tablelands being eyed critically by not only his fellow humans waiting to teleport to the New World but the ponies that would be his new neighbors who looked on in the terminal building.

The tough-love approach of his mates had worked, the man recalled, as he’d gone on a diet and began working out just as soon as he’d settled in, networking with suppliers and Equestrian government types to start a business building personal computers. Now powerfully built with large arms and barrel chest, yet standing only five foot six inches tall, his friends lovingly described him as ‘Gimli The Untossable’ on their last visit. Much to his satisfaction, given his love of fantasy and the Lord of the Ring series, it was a name that would stick.

He looked up through the stinging pellets of ice and sleet coating the field and smiled, his stone tower home coming into view with the promise of warmth and pleasant company within. Walking past a small old-fashioned stone well, he ascended the four steps up to the threshold past two ornate lit stone torches lined with a combination of Christmas and Hearth’s Warming Eve lights and looked up at the flickering glow streaming down from the pair of windows above. The tower was almost completely lit up and no doubt taxing the ley line conduits his unicorn wife was tapping into to power their home, but it was worth it to both of them.

“I bet I know what they’re up to!” the man muttered to himself with a grin as he pushed one of the heavy wooden, surely battering ram-resistant doors open with a satisfying creak. At least it was to him, having had a fascination with medieval fantasy and just being an all-around nerd for as long as he could remember. The truth behind the tower’s reinforced doors was a bit darker than fiction, however, as the man recalled one of his wife’s mortal fear of being killed in her sleep she’d developed after the Cloven War. Having grown up in the Griffon Kingdom province of Caleponia where the Cloven had invaded and killed many of her old friends, she’d been most insistent that his other wife, who owned the tower, install the most secure barrier possible so that if it was her fate to die she could go down fighting.

“Honeys… I’m home!” The door behind him closed itself with a loud and echoing thud.

“Billy! How was yehr walk, love?” a mare’s voice called down from somewhere on one of the upper levels.

“Cold and soul-crushing. The Pegasi are in rare form. Surely the most miserable blasted storm I’ve seen all year!” The man shook the snow from his beard and removed his hat and jacket, placing them on a nearby rack while stomping the excess snow and ice from the bottoms of his thick boots.

“Ponies cannae make things too easy now, can we?” the voice replied heartily. “That’s what I’m here fer! So come on up and fetch some soup before Twinkleshine needs to reheat it!”

“Uh uh! Not doing it, bucko! This unicorn is on strike until conditions improve,” a second, more distant and much less enthusiastic mare’s voice replied.

Billy guessed her location and activity instantly based on where her voice was coming from, shaking his head disapprovingly. That girl is an addict, I swear. If she really is stuck behind the keyboard again when I get up there then we will need to have a chat about this. Having removed his boots and placed them on a towel near the door, he looked at the large pinkish rune circle near the center of the circular room connected by neon threads of light which ran up the walls and lit the entire antechamber in a soft glow. A spiral staircase ran counter-clockwise up the wall, disappearing behind a bend in the corridor. Sturdy wooden support beams above him fixed to the polished stone wall of the structure hung low enough to give taller men than he a reason to be wary, each wrapped in silver tinsel.

He decided on the rune, having already taken off his wet boots — he rather disliked the magical elevators, but he disliked angering his wives by dripping water in the kitchen more — he stepped into the circle its glow intensifying as it instantly recognized him as friendly. Closing his eyes tightly to avoid getting dizzy, he muttered the word ‘kitchen’ and instantly appeared upstairs, the air around him much warmer. The inviting smell of chicken soup greeted his nose.

“Hey, Gimli! I was just kidding, you know.” The pale white coated, Pink-maned magus greeted the man with a smile after dipping a large hunk of crusty bread in her bowl.

“Oh, right on!” Relieved, Billy gave the unicorn a kiss and then turned to face his other wife, a two-toned blue earth pony mare by the name of Shoeshine — though no one ever called her anything but ‘Linky’, kissing her as well. “Soup sounds wonderful, ladies.” Tucking his handkerchief in his lap, Billy sat next to Twinkleshine on the bench seat of the table, Linky claiming the cushioned chair at the table’s head as the lead mare in the herd and provider of the household’s meals. For the earth pony, rank had its privileges, and she was not in the least bit shy about exercising them. The three of them sipped draft beer from glass bottles.

The talk was small initially with Linky discussing the upcoming snowball warfare season and praising her fellow earth ponies for fielding so many new quality recruits for the upcoming season and vowing to utterly crush both humans and the other pony tribes on the field of battle. “And if yeh could help us maintain our slingshots with those lovely hands of yehrs, the ladies and I would really appreciate it!”

“Anything to help, dear!” Billy replied with a knowing nod, gulping down the last of his broth and mopping his beard clean with his silken handkerchief.

“Hmph!” Twinkleshine folded her forelegs and looked down at the human with a practiced look of superiority. “Another year as a traitor. For all the good it will do you!”

Quickly working their way through the usual updates from their families, the Richard and Roseluck household and miscellaneous ponynet anons, the discussion shifted to Twinkleshine’s ideas for how magic could be applied as a software development tool. She’d theorized on how an interface might be devised which could interact with human technology and was eager to discuss the matter with her computer-literate husband.

As curious with humanity’s newly introduced coding languages as she had been with the arcane sciences, she’d gotten her hooves on how-to guides for C# C++, PHP, React-JS and Java and was studying them intensely to the point Billy was letting the unicorn help him in all matters related to his job. She was a quick study and showed a great deal of promise if she decided to take her interests to the next level, able to quickly and efficiently write everything from simple user interfaces to complicated smartphone apps. “One day I’ll be able to devise a spell which can not only hack into your phone remotely but back everything up in a physical copy. Apps, search history, you name it! Even log your keystrokes!”

Twinkleshine’s face shone with excitement even as Billy felt the last remaining illusions of his online anonymity die a gruesome death. “That’s… absolutely terrifying, dear. Useful, no doubt about it, but internet shitposting will never be the same when us men have our GFs and employers hacking us left, right and center,” Billy sighed ruefully. “And I’d just gotten okay with the idea of faceless executives and the Australian government being able to look at my porn.”

“Oh, really?” Linky eyed the man suspiciously.

“Not that I’m still looking at it! I swear!” Billy raised his hands defensively, suddenly quite regretful of his half-joke.

To his shock and amazement, Twinkleshine looked just as uncomfortable with Linky’s reaction as he did. “You mean before you met us, right, sweetie? Cuz there’s nothing wrong with a little helping hoof between married folk… right?”

“Oh, right!” Billy gestured thankfully at his unicorn wife. “Was just thinking about those poor sods out there who don’t know what they’re in for.”

Gauging his reaction and finding him as genuine as the day they’d walked down the aisle, Linky placed a hoof on his hand. “On yehr word as a fellow warrior and my faithful stallion, I trust yeh.” The Caleponian’s gentle smile went lopsided as she turned her attention to her wife and herdmate. “Now you’re the wee hen that never laid away!”

Billy looked stunned briefly as he’d just heard his wife of just over a year enunciate the word ‘you’re’ properly for one of the few times since he’d known her. Huh. I guess she says it correctly when she emphasizes the word. Better file this new information in the same mental folder I keep our anniversary dates! May come in handy later. He knew better than to even guess what on earth the hen comment meant, or any of her other Caleponianisms, trusting the foreign-born mare to put things into context for their benefit. God bless the English language. I may be Scottish by birthright, but no man will ever be as Scottish as Linky!

Linky raised a schoolmarmly hoof. “So what is this high-minded gibberish about a hayl-pin hoof between married folk? Yeh been listenin’ to Rosie’s preachin’ the gospel of Saint Terra Foliata again, haven’t yeh?”

Twinkleshine reached a hoof behind the back of her head and leaned back in as casual a pose as the unyielding benches would allow. “Well… maybe a little.”

“Ha!” Linky clopped the table and snagged a hunk of bread. Leaning back against the neck rest of her chair with the bread firmly gripped in both hooves, she gnawed a savage chunk out of the center. Having ensured the bread was no longer in any condition to resist, escape, or indeed feel any pain at all, she swallowed, wiped the crumbs from her muzzle fur and returned the broken remnants to her plate. “Twinkle, m’dear. Yehr not suggesting our Billy needs any education in the fine art of foal-makin’ are yeh?”

Twinkleshine turned to face the man with hooded eyes and playful expression. “Education for our Gimli? No, no! You’re doing one hay of job, Billy!” She gave Billy’s entire body a light grasp with her telekinesis leaving him with an inviting feeling of warmth and stiffness in his trousers.

“You’re making a very persuasive case for wherever it is this discussion is going! Please, Linky. Let’s hear her out!” Billy reached an arm around his unicorn wife and drew her in close.

“Smart man!” Twinkleshine turned back to face her herdmate. “So, Roseluck was letting me take a look at that movie of hers. Nothing too serious, I swear!” she added slightly frantically upon seeing the teasingly suspicious looks of her herdmates. “Just looking at the contents of the DVD, you know? Feeling it out. And I could hardly believe it when I saw one of the episodes and it looked just perfect for Billy!”

Billy quirked an eyebrow at that. “Hmm?” Twinkleshine turned back towards the man as he gave her an inquisitive look. He had the strangest feeling he knew what she was talking about, but the answer was just on the tip of his tongue. “Perfect in what way?”

“Let’s just say it takes you back to some familiar territory. You’ll definitely appreciate the scenery in this one!” Twinkleshine waggled her eyeridges.

“Crikey! You’re going to make me guess, aren’t you?” Billy leaned his neck back against the top of the bench uncomfortably, closing his eyes and thinking. “Let’s see… Um… Urgh! She’s not going to get taken by a dingo is she?”

“Eww! No!” Twinkleshine made a face.

“A Kelpie? A roo? A Tasmanian Devil?” the human continued guessing wildly, his mind seizing upon anything vaguely Australian as Linky’s expression grew increasingly surly.

Twinkle saw Linky’s expression and waved her hooves defensively. “Whoa, whoa! It’s nothing at all like that! It’s nothing gross like animals.” Twinkleshine gave a nervous laugh. “This whole surprise angle isn’t working out like I’d hoped…”

Shit! My waifu is struggling out there! Alright, Billy. Drop the jokes and focus man! What did I used to do that might have something to do with rooting? Computers? Nah, too obvious. Maybe it’s D&D themed and she’ll get rooted by a bloke rolling a 20-sided die! Twinkleshine’s voice cut into his reverie as he imagined how awesome it would be to roll a D-12 and get a blowjob for it.

“Well, actually it may be slightly animal related…” Twinkleshine gave a nervous laugh. “It’s not like that, though.”

The realization hit Billy immediately. Oh dear. Something tells me this isn’t going to be magic missiles or putting on a robe and wizard hat. “I recall telling you that when I was younger I’d help out at the local volunteer shelter for injured bats of which the majority were Speccies — Spectacled Flying Foxes.” The man explained, giving the Aussie slang and proper terminology for the rainforest-dwelling fruit bat, respectively.

“Yep! We have those here too, strangely enough. Waaay out east in Thestralslovakia and the reclaimed eastern Everfree province and wildlife refuge of Gmina Poni.”

Linky drank deeply from her still-steaming bowl of soup. “Aye! I remember now. The pony word for them is… eh, flook hoonduh or somethin’. They’re quite the talk of the steamie ‘round there!”

“Flughunde, that’s right, Linky. Twinkleshine nodded. “Named as such by famed Germane scientist and explorer Rotpferd von Pionere who was the first to show interest in cataloging the flora and fauna of the area.”

“Yeah, you did mention the thestrals believed themselves to have been descended from both bats and ponies.” Billy said thoughtfully while scratching his beard and taking a drink of beer. “Seems to be a common theme with Equestrian taxonomy to have animals that are some combination of two separate species that are often in completely different orders — even sapient species.”

“Quite so.” Twinkleshine summoned three more bottles from the fridge and took a drink off one of the fresh ones. “Aside from domesticated animals like dogs and cats, there aren’t very many animals on earth that match Equestria's. The fact that the same bat exists in both of our universes is highly significant for a number of reasons. This is a bit conspiratorial, but…” Twinkleshine opened a drawer nearby with her magic and tore off a sheet of aluminum foil which she wrapped around her head. “... it might suggest some of Earth’s animals are interdimensional.”

Linky snorted with laughter as she attempted to take a drink of her own. “Yehr daft, Twinky. That’s why we love yeh!”

“Hear, hear!” Billy raised a toast before taking another sip. “Although it’s silly to seriously entertain this notion, I do recall a story of a lightwell garden filled with large ferns at a home in Sydney that seems to attract the bats for no discernable reason. A woman there who rescues them is constantly finding them on the ground, four times in the space of half a year, dazed after hitting their head either flying in or attempting to fly out of the tight space. No fruit trees. No nearby roosting site… no food in the garden itself since it’s all green plants! They’re always juvvies and nearly always male…” Billy removed his wife’s foil hat and placed it on his head. “I reckon that’s where they’re leaving! They’re trying to escape to Equestria to get away from the damn Ozzie heat waves!”

Twinkleshine gaped at her husband. “This might actually warrant further investigation!” She placed the hat back on her head with her magic. “Our universes do hold an amazing number of coincidences, both in terms of geography and history. I wouldn’t put it past our universes being directly linked somehow and not just by Twilight’s portal. You’ve convinced me to look for similar incidences of Flughunde being seen congregating in inexplicable locations on the ponynet. The thestrals are… kinda backwards, not to be mean or anything, but they do have some ponynet access.” Twinkleshine pantomimed an explorer looking off into the distance, blocking the sun from her large eyes. “The truth... is out there!”

“Not quite.” Linky waggled her beer bottle at her herdmate. “Yeh still haven’t told us what all this pervy business is about!”

“Pervy business…” Billy chuckled, ruffling his wife’s curly light-purple mane who grinned back at him.

“Oh right!” Twinkleshine giggled. “We sure got off the beaten path for a while there, huh?” The unicorn’s horn glowed pink summoning a book from her library, turning it to its proper page and showing it to Billy.

His eyes went wide in response.

“I take it you’ve never seen a grown bat naked?” Twinkleshine gave the man a lewd wink.

“I’m going to rot in hell, you know,” Billy stated matter of factly as he sat down in the middle of the family sofa, his two wives at his sides. “Please tell me this isn’t actually going to involve rescuing thestrals from confined spaces or stuffing mangos in their faces or, god forbid, wrapping them up like burritos. We're going to need a bigger tortilla!”

“Aww! You’re too cute!” Twinkleshine beamed as she turned on the DVD player and began navigating the menu screens. “I dunno, Gimli. I wouldn’t mind the batty toothbrush treatment if I had wings like those. Give me a good scratch under my chin and wing arms...” Twinkleshine looked into Billy’s eyes with a look of crushing adorableness. “You’d do that for me if I asked, right? And give me pacifier to suck on?”

“Gah!” Billy smacked himself upside the head in a vain effort to clear the unwanted thoughts from his mind. “We are not playing bat rescuer in the bedroom, Twinkleshine! Full stop. I have too much dignity to lose!”

“You’re right, Billy,” Twinkleshine nodded in mock seriousness. “But I’m hoping that after you’ve watched this you won't have quite as much to lose!” The unicorn began giggling into her hoof as Billy let out a groan while slowly shaking his head.

Linky rolled her eyes and stretched herself out across her human mate’s lap. “I’m with Billy on this one, Twinkie. If anypony pulls out a cage, rubber nipple, or syringe filled with glucose, yehr watching this alone!”

“Well fine!” Twinkleshine turned up her nose at the pair. “In that case, you’re in luck because that’s not the theme of the video. Though perhaps one day we may be able to meme such a video into existence!” She rubbed her hooves evilly and bowed her head as if in prayer. “Oh Kek the great and chaotic, deliver us this porn and bring unto the children of the internet your blessing of lulz. Amen.”

“Irony... Irony never changes…” Billy quipped sarcastically before giving the unicorn’s head a quick rub with his knuckles, the latter popping her head up and rubbing the burning spot furiously as she looked back chagrined.

“Alright, alright! Let’s just start this video up and see how it goes…” Twinkleshine gave the sore spot on her head one last rub before turning her attention to the remote. “Jeez, that hurts you know!”

“Ahh, you’ll get over it, love!” Billy stood up slightly to kiss the mare’s head. “Does that help, Twinkie?”

“Quite!” Twinkleshine gave her lover a peck on the cheek to let him know all was forgiven, and then summoned a vast plate of chips and queso that covered the entire living room table. Suitably prepared for the night’s entertainment, the three turned to face the screen as the lure of televised erotica drew them in.

Two familiar females walked noiselessly over the grassy earth, the chittering of bugs and bats filling the air with their song. The first was Terra, her silver crucifix reflecting the weakened sunlight from the misty sky above. The other a woman, Terra’s human mate, Ameena, ran her fingers over the earth pony’s many earrings while thumbing the mare’s erogenous ear tips.

Terra gave scant acknowledgment of the intimate contact, however, her ears pinned back against her head as her anxious face eyed the surrounding forest for signs of danger, finding nothing. The camera panned back behind the duo, revealing a wagon strapped to the pony which clattered over the lumpy terrain carrying their possessions; bags containing food, clothing, and a tent that jostled up and down as they walked.

“Terra, you are not relaxing!” the woman spoke, prompting the mare to turn and look at her finger-waggling mate properly.

Terra gave the woman and indignant look. “Hell no, I ain’t! And why the fuck do you insist on walking around in the nude in this creepy-ass forest?” Ameena was indeed nude aside from the sandals on her feet, cool forest air causing her hardened nipples to stand proudly at the tips of her very large breasts.

“Oh, you’re such a silly pony!” Ameena smiled and gave the mare’s rump a very firm squeeze which got a reaction in the form of a whinny. “Here I can live free like ponies do and feel the air against my skin.” She gestured to the surrounding wilderness. “Besides, we’re almost there.”

“I just don’t see how you can be so chill about all of this!” Terra gave the human an incredulous look of pleading. “We’re at least twenty miles inside of bat country, and my estrus has dialed itself up to eleven since we’ve crossed the border!” Terra reached an eager hoof between her hind legs and gave her burning nethers a quick rub, nickering loudly at the contact with her heated and exquisitely sensitive mare bits. “When they find us… My ass getting sore just thinking about it!”

Ameena pressed her hand against the mare's chest, prompting her to stop and then knelt down to kiss her deeply. It was only when she pulled away from her breathless marefriend that she replied. “You've got thestral ponies all wrong. They’re good and decent folk who have shown me nothing but the utmost hospitality when I’ve visited before. I know Equestria ponies have had bad experiences with them in the past but times have changed. You’re safe here, Terra. Trust me.”

Terra sighed and readjusted her harness. “No matter how many times you say it, I’m still fucked up about this. Please just rut my brains out when we get there so I don’t have to think about it too much.”

“We’ve found those women who manage to get themselves killed in all the horror movies,” Billy said dryly, helping himself to another crunchy bite of the round, corn crunchies. “At least it’s not going to be giant snakes!”

“Cannae imagine being so brave walkin’ nekkit in a forest with flying boars.” Linky contented herself to continue sipping on her beer, frowning slightly. “Not past killing yeh on sight if you stumble across them alone. I have to agree with Terra about this woman’s brazen foolishness! It’s very unbecoming of a mare to leave herself unguarded, even if there’s an illusion of safety.”

“Bad form, Ameena! Bad form! Boo!” Twinkleshine waved a downturned hoof at the screen like a Romane Empress at the Coliseum. “Seriously though, those are some amazing teats!” The unicorn held out her forelimbs as if she were going to hug an Ursa. “If I were her I’d never get any work done. I’d just be 24/7 looking in a mirror while playing with myself…” She gestured fondling a pair of giant, invisible breasts, making kneading motions with her hooves. “...Oh crap! The movie’s still on. We should watch it, huh?”

“Twinkie, language!” Linky shouted out indignantly, her eyeridges forming an edge sharp enough to cut granite.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Twinkleshine raised a defensive hoof. “I just let one slip!” Twinkleshine’s face changed to indignation in return. “And I just realized, why aren’t you getting mad about Terra’s continuous stream of ignoble incantations?”

“Because I cannae yell loud enough to get her attention from here!” Linky gave the unicorn a face and thumped the side of her head. “Obviously!”

Twinkleshine left out a deep sigh ending in a loud brapping noise from her lips. “Okay, honey. Okay… You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted” Linky replied with a beer bottle salute.

The two eventually found the spot they were looking for and began erecting a large white tent, Ameena proving to be both extremely reckless and yet still quite handy with placing and driving in stakes in the nude with a hammer, the repeated motion making her breasts bounce and drawing her marefriend’s eyes further. The powerful earth pony showed her hooves weren’t just for show by assisting as well, easily driving stakes into the ground with a single stomp.

The montage of scenes portraying the construction of the tent showed Terra’s expression growing more cheerful with every frame as the gals became more and more frisky as the work progressed, ending with the pair of them sprawled out on the grass making out in front of the fully assembled tent. After a playful bit of wrestling, the two laughing ladies tumbled over again, Terra pinning her human lover to the ground and nuzzling Ameena’s deep cleavage while the human giggled excitedly.

“I’m starting to feel better about being here already!” Terra looked up at the sky and noticed it was starting to get dark, or rather ‘darker’, as unnatural darkness had been present from the beginning of the movie. “We better get a fire going, though. If we’re going to camp out here, we may as well do it right with some s’mores!”

“Sounds good, Habibah!” Ameena collected a pair of jeans, a jacket and a rucksack from out of one of the bags in the wagon. “I’ll go out into the scaaary forest and go get some rocks from the creek while you get the wood. Then we eat and you can stick your nose in my tent and we’ll have us a great time!”

“You know me, I’m just the camel for the job!” Terra flashed her studded tongue at the human before waving goodbye as she disappeared into the forest, quite literally in this case given the thick forest mists.

The scene cut away to an overhead shot of the camp, a winged creature soaring past the camera with a high-pitched scree. Terra was halfway through stacking the firewood when she heard the discordant nose, dropping the log in her hoof and turned to face the lone figure who’d landed in the midst of the camp. A small mare-like form with the wings of a large bat and glowing, slit-pupil eyes like a cat — A Thestral! “W-who’s there!?”

The thestral stepped closer out of the fog, bringing her features into the low light. Her head and body were that of a pony, standing on four hooves as she was; her long, silky mane was a mingled black and gray, but her coat was very much unlike Terra’s own.

The fur on her face was of the purest silver, her neck and chest covered with a thick rust-colored ruff which clashed hard with the rest of jet black coat and wings. She beheld the well-endowed earth pony with curious interest before giving a slight curtsy. “Hello, beautiful pony! I am hearing you’ve come from far away to visit Thestralslovakia with your human friend and vanted to give you a…” The thestral held on the note as she appeared to search for the proper word in Equish, it clearly not being her first language. “... pro-per greeting!” She finished with a smile, showing the barest tips of her sharp teeth.

“Mmm blah! I am going to suck your fruit! Ah ah aaaah!” Billy joked with a laugh, pausing the video. “Well, at least it wasn’t a guy wearing a black cape. Still, it ain’t tough to see where this is going…”

“I expected a whole lot of them to show up and rut her straight into the ground, not gonna lie!” Twinkleshine added.

Linky looked over at Twinkleshine and shook her head. “Too obvious, even for this. I hope she’ll at least make herself useful and help set up camp before her brothers show up and pillage them all.”

“Well, at least the movie has thrown us something of a curveball. I wonder how far we’ll go before the rooting commences,” Billy unpaused the movie.

The camera panned in on Terra’s quivering nethers before cutting back to her face, clearing fighting back the urge to surrender to her basic urges. “If you’re with the police, I’m really sorry we didn’t come in here through the main road. I just wanted to camp out here with my friend!” Terra looked towards the forest wondering when she’d return or — heaven forbid — if she’d return. “I’m not in trouble, am I?”

“You might be, pretty pony!” The thestral smiled coyly and set her saddlebag down near the entrance to the tent. “Is mating season and all the boys are out hunting for food…” Her voice lowered to a hiss. “... and for girls!”

“Aiiiiieeeee!” Terra launched herself into a convenient open sleeping bag, trembling with fright.

Ameena burst through the treeline with her rucksack. “Terra, what’s wrong?”

“Your friend seems a bit scared of the night!” The thestral gave a dry laugh. “But do not worry any. I am come to be friendly and give you food and company. Just a girl. Not a big, scary boy!” The female thestral laughed again, heartily, revealing long, pointed fangs. My name is Fekete Szakács, but you call me Fekete.

The sleeping bag turned over seemingly coming to life, flipping over repeatedly until Terra’s head poked out of the open end, upside-down and looking at the other two females with newfound eagerness. “Did somepony say, food? Well why didn’t you say so, Fekkie?”

Ameena threw her long mane of hair haughtily. “Ha! So she has met your price, I take it?” Ameena tsked at her marefriend before smiling warmly at the new arrival. “Very well, mystery lady; you may make camp here with us.”

“Eee! Eee! Alright!” Fekete Szakács made a brief happy dance in front of the two featuring some very vigorous wing flaps and the independent wiggling of both of her tufted furry ears. “You vill love vat I bring with me. It is Thestralslovakian specialty! You never have seen ze like!” She pointed at the half-finished fire pit. Start a fire and I cook it for you. I have everything I need in my bag.”

The three set the rocks which Ameena gathered to contain the burn and arranged the logs in a pyramid to allow constant air flow into the base of glowing ash at the bottom. Having prepared the fire and properly introduced themselves by name, Ameena produced four objects from a bag from the wagon: a piece of flint, a C-shaped piece of oil-treated tool steel, a bit of linen ‘char’ cloth and a lump of oakem. She fashioned the oakem into a nest and set in near the stacked up timber. Placing some cloth over the flint she began striking the covered flint with steel until it began to smoke.

There was enough of a breeze going that she didn’t need to blow on it for long before it was ready to wrap in the oakem and place under the wood. In under a minute the woman had got the fire going while the other two watched in amazement at such primitive tools yielding success.

“Oi! I’d still be faffing about with matches after that long!” Billy exclaimed.

“That settles it. I’m definitely taking you hunting next year.” Linky replied earnestly. “Or we’re getting that woman to join our herd because that was impressive flintwork!”

“I’ll admit, she could stick her nose inside my tent any day!” Twinkleshine added, her eyes making a bead on the woman’s large mammaries, alluding to camel caravans in the desert. “Not sure I can run a computer off the grid though. The sacrifices I’d have to make!”

The thestral withdrew a rotisserie spit from her bag and a wad of dough wrapped in plastic which she removed and then wrapped around the spit’s black metal surface like twine. With the length of its surface covered, she posted the spit over the fire and applied butter to its yeasty surface as the other two turned the dough over slowly, Terra giggling at the spit’s phallic interpretations as Ameena waggled her trademark finger back at her.

“Ve do not have so much grain here. Too many trees and no earth ponies to be making life so easy.” Fekete explained as she brushed the helix-shaped surface of the dough. “We have some big farms but all owned by the rich and powerful in the major colonies so we grow our own. Anyvay, vhen ve do get bread ve dress it up because is special and serve it to our férfiak — our stallions — on the spit after cooking the animal he bring back from the hunt.” The thestral scratched her chin as she searched for a word. “As a… dessert, yes. Férfiak give us meat and the nők — the mares — give them frootz and bread and so we are both happy.”

“Just like with humans!” Ameena chimed in. “Well, long ago when many of us weren’t so soft and pasty.”

“This kind of reminds me of something you’d find at a carnival on earth. Do you ever add sugar and frosting to your bread and make like a cake out of it?”

Fekete was quiet for a moment as she translated what the two had said. “‘Cake’ is a pony treat. You bake them in ovens. Ve have some cakes like that in the cities vhere outsiders ply their trade. Vhat I am making is kürtőskalács: sweet bread. Many different recipes but mine calls for honey mixture and is topped with frootz, usually apple, grape or pear.” The thestral looked wistful for a moment. “But nothing better than mango for topping! I spend so much money on mango when is in season and is always worth it!”

Ameena took a seat on the picnic bench upon which they’d set a large serving platter and uncoiled the bread from the spit, piece by piece, and spreading fruit from jars Fekete provided for them onto the still-steaming golden-brown strips.

“Mpf! This is so good!” Terra swallowed a piece quickly before applying a liberal application of pear to the next.

“You are a wonderful cook, Miss Fekete,” Ameena spread apple on her second strip of bread, smiling at the thestral who smiled back. “The honey taste is subdued but unmistakably present. Not too sugary but delightfully indulgent.”

Billy paused the movie at that moment. “Have to say, this… is the most charming and… culturally enlightened porno I have ever laid eyes on!”

“What did you expect? It’s got ponies in it!” Twinkleshine nuzzled her man lovingly. “We’re just gifted that way.”

“T’ be honest, I don’t think much of this, Terra,” Linky opined, looking disdainful. “She is just too crude to call herself a real mare. Ameena on the other hoof is an honorable woman; she carries herself proudly. I want to know more about her and that thestral mare with the funny-looking cake.”

Twinkleshine beamed excitedly. “You’re in luck, Linky! We get a great scene with the two of them later on. You’ll definitely not want to miss it either, Billy! Fekkie is going to show us what those wings can really do!”

Billy sighed, looking uncomfortably at the screen. “I’ll be asking the fruit bats back home for forgiveness after this is all over even if it is already too late. Let’s crack on, shall we?” He said in some resignation as he clicked the play button again.

Fekete’s cheeks went pink. “I do my best with vhat I am given.”

“You must make a wonderful homemaker,” Ameena replied, Terra, nodding in agreement from next to her.

“I am single, though not for lack of effort on the part of the boys!” she replied, taking a dainty nibble off her bit of bread, the thestral mare said.

“The ‘boys’?” Terra’s face betrayed a momentary look of panic. “Hang on, are you talking about the males out searching for females? As in… right goddamn now?” He jaw tightened visibly as well as a certain other parts of her anatomy.

“Igen. Indeed they are, Terra. I come here to say hello; this is true. I also come to take time away from the chase.” She placed a wing across Terra’s back, and with her other, gave the human woman an experimental poke to her ample posterior. “If I am being truthful, I am far more interested in what the other nők have to offer me, especially such lovely and exotic nők as yourselves!”

Terra and Ameena gave each other a significant look and nodded, the latter inclining her head towards the tent. “I’m up for entertaining this super-cute stranger! Want to join us, Terra? You’ve been looking like you want to climb out of your fur all day.”

The camera panned in on the thestral licking a long, lascivious tongue across her entire face, smiling with false modesty at Terra’s stiffened posture.

For a moment it seemed as if Terra was going to accept when her ears suddenly drooped and she looked guiltily at the grassy forest floor. “Actually gals, you two can get familiar with each other. I’m going to pass…”

Ameena looked at her marefriend in a look of utter bewilderment. “Are you feeling okay, Terra? I know you were very anxious about the thestrals finding you, but she seems so sweet! This isn’t like you to pass up on a fellow mare.”

“I know, Ameena, and you are an absolute babe, Fekete. I just…” Terra twitched uncomfortably. “Somepony needs to stay out here and watch the fire and finish unpacking. You two have yourselves a great time in there. I’ll look in on you and see how much fun you’re having. I promise!”

Ameena looked at her friend skeptically but chose not to press further. “Do join us later, alright?”

“Maybe your friend just wants to be the, eh, légy a falon — the fly on the wall — this time!” Fekete gave the mare a knowing wink and stretched out her wing arms before flapping them vigorously.

“Hey, maybe I do!” Terra gave a nervous laugh. “You two just… don’t flood the tent, okay? We only got just the one and I don’t want to be swimming in it for the next couple of nights…”

“As if you should talk, Madame Super Soaker!” The woman turned on her well-turned heel and ducked down into the tent. “Suit yourself, my little pony.”

“See you!” the thestral gave an adorable little wave before being led inside the tent which had been tastefully decorated with frilly ribbons, comfortable rugs and sleeping bags which must have been placed there during a cutscene. Ameena’s handwaved past the open tent flap before flicking the much shorter thestral across the clitoris. Giggling, the outlines of the two soon found themselves on the floor of the tent, moaning and kissing loudly, the camera slowly making it way towards them and then—

A sudden knock at the door downstairs caused a brief moment of alarm in the room, Billy briefly fumbling with the remote before swiftly pausing the movie. “I’d best see who’s at the door.”

Twinkleshine’s ears flopped sadly. “Darn! It was just getting good too…”

“We can come back to it later, Twinkie. I must accompany our stallion at the gate in case we have to repel any attackers.” Linky stated without a hint of irony.

Billy smiled at that, his eyes shining at his earth pony wife. “Thanks, Linky. I suppose it’s timeout for the movie then. We’ll be back in a few, Twinkle.” The two disappeared through the kitchen rune portal.

“Ah, alright.” The two left, leaving Twinkleshine by herself. Assured she was alone, the unicorn withdrew a box out from under the couch with her magic, opening it to reveal a set of false fanged pony teeth. Grinning evilly, she looked back at the empty room. “But you’re not getting away from me so easily!”