Author's Note

Had to live up to that comedy tag somewhere. Might as well be when the villains are scheming.

There were some jokes I had to take out that wouldn't make sense on this site.

There isn't going to be any actual clop until chapter 10, but I might have to change the rating for the next chapter.

Exposition

The humiliated changeling shuffled his—or rather HER—feet apprehensively. He knew of the pony he had taken the form of. He remembered kidnapping her and her friends. He remembered his queen murdering a kitten in a gory fashion in front of them. He remembered everything.

"Do you know this filly?"

Gilda jumped and fell off of the pile of changeling meat. She promptly nestled on top of it again. The voice of the queen had gotten so sharp that it had caught the griffon when her guard was let down.

"Do you know this filly?" repeated the queen, stamping her cavity-filled hoof. Trixie backed up, starting to feel intimidated. Then, she peered closely at what was in front of her. A sudden realization came to her.

Before Trixie could respond, a Pegasus pony crashed in through the glass window. As if to brandish it, she held a foal in a saddle on her back. The mare had a pale gold coat, a dull pink mane, and light blue eyes. Her cutie mark was three teardrops, even though it was the universally accepted image of raindrops. The foal had a light amber coat, a pale, light grayish rose mane, and vivid blue eyes. His cutie mark was a skull and cross bones made out of candy. Gilda did not even bat an eye.

Cognizing (and not greatly appreciating) Gilda's ignorance, the mare looked on with a determined frown. "My name," she announced with a dramatic pause, raising her chin, "is Rain Dance."

Gilda still took no notice. Losing patience, Rain Dance gesticulated towards her foal. "His name," she said with the same dramatic tone as before, "is Sweet Tart."

Gilda audibly yawned. Wings flaring, Rain Dance put her dignity aside to shout, "Gilda! Don't you remember me? We went to Junior Speedsters Flight Camp together!"

Gilda turned slightly as Trixie began to fix the glass. "Eh... I guess."

Trixie jumped at an opportunity. "Do you know me? I am THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRRRRRIXIEEE. You were watching the Equestria games of the 1,001st year of the Celestial Diarchy, right?" Trixie conjured up an image of the script. "Wait, 'cognizing' and 'diarchy' aren't actual words? Since when? And since when was Trixie's—stop doing that!—name not an actual word?"

"I think that the readers who haven't looked at the script are extremely confused right now," Gilda casually commented.

Luna and Zecora exchanged glances. Chrysalis sighed at the gratuitous fourth wall breaking. Even the most oblivious knob in the room (Gilda) could tell she had been driven to her limit.

"Um, Gilda, you might actually be offended by this part of the script," said a hesitant Trixie, taking caution of the queen's attitude.

"What does it say?" asked Gilda, gnawing loudly on a bleeding changeling liver.

"It calls you 'the most oblivious knob in the r'—. She was cut off by a green blast that vaporized her view of the script. "You know what, it would probably be better if you didn't know."

The queen sighed again. "I apologize for being a tad violent, but, and I know I've been repeating this a lot, can we please continue? Forget your canon script."

Gilda raised a claw. "What's canon?" she asked through a mouthful of changeling meat.

"It means 'to send the griffon to Tartarus where she's forced to watch Generation 3.5 of My Little Pony for the rest of her life while being slowly mutilated to death'!" replied a sarcastically rampant Rain Dance.

"Wait, the script actually says to do that?" squawked Gilda, who snapped into a hover with her claws folded across her chest. "Not on my turf!"

"OH, FOR THE LOVE OF CERBERUS..." Chrysalis heaved a tremendous sigh and turned to Rain Dance and Sweet Tart. "Can you please just leave?" She leaned in closer and whispered, "And you don't suppose you could take the griffon with you, do you?"

"Actually," said the mare, "Sweet Tart here failed his first flight test. The last one is where most Pegasi who fail meet their doom, but failing the first one is a serious blemish on Cloudsdale's image."

"And you think any of us care about some floating city's reputation?" asked Chrysalis. Trixie nodded before the sentence was finished.

Gilda waved her right claw around and gulped another chunk of meat. "Ahem, Cloudsdalian right over here!"

Rain Dance ignored her, mirroring what Gilda had done when the Pegasus entered. "I'm a weather pony... and Fluttershy is my younger cousin."

At the name of the element of kindness, Gilda's wings abruptly stopped flapping, prompting her to fall and immerse into the pile of changeling meat. Chrysalis snapped out of her tired state with a defined stern expression. "Did you say Fluttershy?"

"Yes," replied Rain Dance. "You know who she is? Figures, considering she saved the world multiple times and became Photo Finish's model at one point... And let's just say, she can make anything look hot."

"She is one of my enemies," answered the queen, "on a more personal level than the rest of the Mane Six."

"Um, why?" asked Trixie. "Wasn't it Prince-ass Twilight that you were after?"

"Well, yes... but you do not need to know why."

Gilda came out of of the meat pile covered in green blood. Flying back up on top of the pile, she asked, "Wasn't she the one who purposely walked her shitless ducks right into me?"

"You know," said Trixie, "you should have more respect for birds, considering you're half bird yourself."

"Why are you here?" Chrysalis asked Rain Dance, ignoring the quirky pair None of them are helping me at all...

"For reasons that the author brony who just wants to get over with this is too lazy to come up with."

"Pointing out your problems does not make them go away," Trixie pointedly stated.

Gilda wiped her right wing across her body, sending a lick of green blood splashing on top of the disguised changeling. "Like how you just did?"

Why are these two suddenly turning on each other? thought Chrysalis before realizing that she just proved their point.

"All right, now I can continue with my exposition." Chrysalis muttered, "For Nightmare Moon's sake, it's right in the chapter's title."

Gilda leaned over toward the Pony of Sombra without getting off of the meat pile. "I think the author brony is now talking out of Queen Swiss Cheese's mouth."

Sombra suppressed a smile. "He's actually talking out of all of our mouths."

Chrysalis decided to at least start her exposition before killing everyone in the room, including herself. She raised an cavity-filled hoof at Luna. "Have you ever heard of those rumors of me being you? Ridiculous. Someone of my caliber is in no way deserving to be compared to the likes of someone of your idiocy."

Gilda immediately spat out the meat she was chewing. "Swiss Cheese, future note: Never EVER say something like that in front of Trixie, or else she'll go into this long winded rant about which one of you was really more idiotic."

Trixie smirked before assuming a sensual grin. "You know me so well."

Alarmed, Gilda snapped into flight as Trixie teleported herself onto the meat pile. Then, Trixie telekinetically pinned Gilda to herself and started preening the griffon's feathers.

Chrysalis could only stare. "...What?!"

"I don't know!" said Gilda, feeling as violated as possible. "She just switches from glum and depressed to boastful and arrogant to prostitute on a whim!"

"Well, at least it's only preening," muttered Chrysalis. "Nothing that a griffon with Gilda's attitude can't take.

"Anyway, let's talk about why I have 'Sombra' here. Since this is really the spirit of the Pony of Shadows, he can implant the spirit of Nightmare Moon back into our precious Lunar princess.

"Originally, there was going to be an entire rant from the not-at-all-lame griffon about the flaws in the Nightmare Moon mythology, but that was taken out. What will remain is me pointing out what they say about history being written by the victor. When you triumphed over Sombra, you took out something very important from the mythology. You, dramatic pause, yesIsaidthataloudsosueme, and Sombra are siblings." Chrysalis turned back, surprised to see the reactions. "What? I was expecting more slack jaw reactions."

"That's the author brony's old headcanon," said Gilda. "He no longer goes by it. You should know that."

"How?" The queen squinted closely at something Trixie had conjured up a projection of. "What is that?"

"The script."

-----Two torturous deaths and resurrections by Chrysalis to Trixie and Gilda later (okay, not really)-----

"Do you know this filly?" asked Chrysalis, failing to get an answer out of Luna. "Fine, she's the one you showed the ruined future of her sister to. You have the ability to see the future. You saw into the future and wrote the Mare in the Moon prophecy."

This elicited a confused look from Gilda. "Okay, that's a bit too much..."

"No, no," interjected Trixie, levitating the book. "She's right. It's all in this book written by ~~Slutset Sexy~~ Sunset Shimmer."

Chrysalis turned to Trixie. The unicorn gulped. "You mentioned a creature called a Diamond Dog earlier, right?"

"Yes," said Trixie, "I was their queen at one point. They didn't want me to leave, but Rainbow Dash helped me escape."

At the mention of Dashie's name, Gilda let a sad expression take over her face, eliciting a smirk from Sombra.

"They kicked the three that kidnapped Rarity out," continued Trixie, "so I'm sure that they'll want to serve THE GREAT AND POWERFUL TRRRRRIXIIIIEE!"

"Good," said Chrysalis. "Now, do you see that red diamond-shaped plate on the magic-disabling ring on Luna's horn?" She didn't wait to see if she elicited any nods.

"Why does the author brony suddenly like saying 'elicited' so much?" asked Gilda, only to elicit a sharp glare from the queen. "...I'll shut up now."

"Good," said Chrysalis. "Now, do you know what would happen if, say, Sombra leaned in and placed the tip of his horn on that red plate while it is emanating magic?" Without waiting for any elicited answers, she continued. "Well, go ahead. Do it."

Sombra nodded, but before he could do anything, Chrysalis intervened. "I might as well explain why the Pony of Shadows is suddenly in Sombra's body. When Sombra died, his horn went flying into the old castle. Like how the Nightmare forces needed a vessel when possessing Rarity, the Pony of Shadows also needed one. So why not use the DNA of someone whose name means shadow?"

Luna tried to resist, but Sombra manged to make contact with the plate. In an overly theatrical spectacle, the embodiment of the night gave into her dark side, purging her purest nature and bringing forth a much more powerful form—Nightmare Moon.

Trixie looked at the script with a confused expression. "Okay, that detail was entirely unnecessary. I mean, we already know what Nightmare Moon is and what the transformation looks like—"

"Will you shut up for once?" an incredulous Rain Dance interrupted.

Instead of complying, Trixie took on an even more confused expression. "And just who is this bimbo?"

Rain Dance gaped before screaming in frustration. She and Trixie clearly were not going to get along.

Trixie suddenly remembered something from earlier. "Why were Luna and Zecora making out on the moon?"

Having gotten through with her exposition, Chrysalis sighed with relief before answering. "Celestia and Zecora normally do that, but Celestia decided to let her sister try."

"Huh. Okay. CeleCora is also a good ship."

"Well, now let's go and attack Twilight's castle!"

Trixie dropped the book, something that was turning into a habit. "Now?"

"Why not? We have the power; we just need to get to the mirror and bring back Sunset Shimmer." She turned to her prisoners. "Leave the zebra and the guards here. Now we can help Moon-butt bring forth eternal night! Let's go!"

Everyone charged outside with the exception of the male changeling. Chrysalis turned back towards it. "You can take the disguise off now."

After removing the disguise, the changeling asked, "Why did you need the Sweetie Belle disguise anyway?"

"Oh, I just wanted to see you cross-dress in front of Gilda."