Kel'Thuzad's Theories on Equestrian Politics

by Lich-Lord Krosis

Rating: teen
Tags: Other, Shining Armor, Crossover, Alternate Universe, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Warcraft, Comedy
Length: 2090

Kel'Thuzad uses his intimidating appearance and... quite effective political methods to end a dispute in the Crystal Court.

Kel'Thuzad is many things. Necromancer. Teacher. Advisor. Former Raid Boss. Trusted friend and vizier to the Crystal Empire's Royal Couple. But in all his experience, he has never had the opportunity to attend court. In this small side-story to the Crystal Vizier, the Archlich finally gets his chance to show his... methods.

Published 2015-11-02 22:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-02 22:10:01 UTC

Azerothian Style

“And furthermore, I believe the government in the Empire is fading in power, and that a change in either political customs or leadership is in order.” stated Count Red Brand, his face caught in a smug smirk. A resounding polite stomping of hooves was heard as the Count stepped down from the podium. No one believed him, of course, the Royal Couple had been ruling for well over three years now, yet there was always some noble trying to usurp the throne for themselves, or attempting to seize power for their particular race or social class. Cadence sighed and leaned back in her throne, not caring if anyone saw her. She was in HER damn castle and she could act anyway she wanted.

Kel’Thuzad growled, repositioning his hooves. If one thing never changed about politics, it was nobles. Most were stuck up and arrogant, using their political standing for their own personal gain. From his time in the Dalaran Archmage Circle and his brief stay in both Capital City and Stormwind had taught him quite quickly how royalty had dealt with usurpers and snakes. Execution. Yet he knew Cadence would never allow open execution, as much as he wanted to watch this Count’s smug face rolling away from his body in a silent scream.

“I thought that our 'all-powerful' Princess would have the decency to speak with me, I guess I was wrong.” Stated Red Brand, marching regally towards the exit. The small thread that was the barrier holding back the fury in Kel’Thuzad’s mind was shattered. Princess Cadence and her husband, Prince Shining Armor, gave so much to their subjects...

Cadence had provided the funding for public schools, something that even Azeroth had yet to do at the time of his death!

Shining had almost single-hoofedly retrained and rearmed the Crystal Guard, their arms and armor before the Empire's return... lacking.

Cadence had helped reinstate the extensive mining operations throught the Empire, providing jobs and income for the struggling economy, selling the crystals as both decoration and architecture.

Shining had helped negotiate peace with the Northern Gryphons and Yaks, both of which Sombra was actively conquering when the Royal Sisters intervened a millennia ago...

Sombra...

As a couple, they had given the Empire freedom. As a couple, they had rid the world of the undead tyrant, uknowingly banishing his soul to oblivion in the process.

Regardless, the Royal Couple had given their entire lives over to their Empire, and this is how this 'Count' Red Brand returns their generosity!?

Not even several years after the fact?!

He would make this pitiful excuse for nobility squeal before him like a pig...

‘Permission to intimidate, your grace?’

‘Hmm… permission granted, it has been a while.’

‘Good… sit back and enjoy some good old Azerothian JUSTICE.'

In an instant, the archmage was on his hooves, holding his left hoof towards the exit as the door slammed closed, startling the room.

“Be still, CUR…” Kel’Thuzad hissed, stepping down from his chair and approaching the Count in question.

“What did you just call me, you FILTHY PEASANT?!” screeched Red Brand, turning on his hooves to face the dull grey Earth Pony.

“Do not insult the Princess, and leave the throne room without permission, RED BRAND.” Kel’Thuzad hissed, his dark purple robes billowing behind him as he stepped slowly towards the offending noble. “APOLOGIZE FOR YOUR COWARDLY SPEECH AT ONCE!” Kel’Thuzad croaked, his robes dancing in an unseen wind, seemingly unnoticed by the rest of the court.

“You have no authority over me; I am of noble descent, and a unicorn. You are but a lowly Earth Pony, with no magical power whatsoever. That pink tramp with wings was a fool to make you the Archmage, KEL’THUZAD!” retorted Red Brand, mouth nearly frothing and foaming. The court gasped, and all went silent. Kel’Thuzad smiled, revealing large, pointed teeth.

Teeth far too large for an equine's mouth.

Orc teeth.

Kel'Thuzad chuckled lightly, blinking once as his eyes were bathed in a deep blue glow. This was followed by low, cackling laughter issuing from his muzzle. Red Brand seemed unfazed, and turned to the door once more, prideful striding his transportation of choice. He stopped at the door as the handles and wood started to… freeze?

Ponies recoiled in horror behind him as Kel’Thuzad’s body … cracked and withered. His skin broke and split from his bones, yet there was no blood, not a drop. He was quickly consumed and obscured by a vicious blizzard, and the laughter became hysterical and ear-piercing. As this transformation occurred, Cadence’s horn quickly ignited, bathing the rest of the court in a coliflower glow, protecting them from what she knew was to come.

As the room becomes a blanket of pure white, the wind picked up to hurricane speed. All at once the wind was halted, and the momentary silence was pierced by a shrieking howl, followed by the sound of ice breaking as a storm of shards of pale white frozen water smashed into Cadence’s shield.

As white mist dissipates, the Archlich is greeted by the combined gasps of the entire court. Kel’Thuzad chuckles lowly, forcing the unicorn backwards with practiced waves of arcane force, and smashing him into a set of chairs, splintering them horribly. Red Brand struggled to his hooves, but is pushed right back down to the ground by a chilling wind.

“Do you feel… cold, Red?” chuckled the fully transformed Archlich, his towering stature easily dwarfing even the Princess herself. His dark purple robes danced around his skeletal form, bordered in dark grey, the end of them cut evenly into four flaps. A large sapphire decorated each one, and they pulsed with visible frost and cold. There was a large, gold gilded onyx headpiece upon his head, reminiscent of the Nerubian culture that much of the Scourge is based off of. Two large tusks protruded from his cheeks, just below his eyes, adding to his malevolent and nightmarish appearance. His dagger-like teeth parted slightly with each intake and outtake of frostbitten and meaningless breaths. His eyes glow with a dark blue frost, but his pupils are what really grabs the wounded stallion's attention.

The blood red pinpricks pierce his very being, staring at him with contempt and hatred only achievable through centuries as an undead monstrosity.

“What are buck are you?” asked the count, backing into the wall. Kel’Thuzad slowly floated over to him, and stopped only three yards away, towering over the terrified stallion. Wisps of frosted wind flowed downwards from his robes, chilling the air around him. Red Brand broke from his cowering, and ran for the exit, about thirty feet to the right. Kel’Thuzad chuckled, and Red Brand stopped in his tracks, legs flailing as an unbelievable chill ran through his mid-section. He slowly found himself being turned to face the archlich, the undead mage using one of his many soul chains to wrench the horrified stallion to his level. The cold dissipated at about the five foot mark, and the chain quickly recoiled back to Kel’Thuzad, joining the others to dance around his skeletal form. Red Brand shrieked as he felt himself falling, but was caught by something large, white, and absolutely frigid. Kel’Thuzad chuckled as Red Brand writhed in his grasp; obviously desperate to be free of the massive, bony claw he called a hand.

“Will you apologize now, RED BRAND?” the archlich sneered, causing the Count to shiver uncontrollably, and the archlich and several other members of the court started to laugh, as they heard the telltale sound of urine hitting the crystal tile floor.

“WHAT IS GOING ON HERE?!” asked a booming, distorted voice, emanating from the throne room door. The court turned, and gasped, save for Cadence and Kel’Thuzad, the latter of whom turned and bowed as low as his stature and prisoner would allow. The heavy stomping of saronite-clad hooves echoed across the throne room, and the huge, mysterious stallion folded the massive, white, leathery dragon wings attached to him to his sides, under his ragged cloak. Most of the court was terrified of this newcomer, almost more than Kel’Thuzad. At closer inspection, the nobles started to recognize the shape of pony skulls stamped into the armor the stallion wore, some actually fused into the armor and plated with saronite. A large claymore hung from his left flank, the guard decorated with an ornate ram skull, eyes faintly glowing with blue energy. The stallion’s head was adorned by a large great helm, separated in the front to reveal a broad, ivory muzzle, and icy breath pushing from each nostril with each intake. The helm was made of the same dark metal, and the forehead had a long, spiraled white horn protruding from the helm, indicating an alicorn. Above the horn-slot, there was a large sapphire, similar to the ones found upon the Archlich’s robes.

“You better have a damn good reason to be suspending a noble nearly seven feet in the air, Kel’Thuzad…” Shining boomed. He smiled at his wife, and nuzzled her before gently pushing her back in the direction of the throne. After that, he lightly walked over to the Archlich, his height coming up to nearly his shoulders, marking him as taller than Celestia herself.

"M-My prince... ERKKK." The unicorn stallion pleaded, his voice cut off by the tightening grip of the undead mage's grip.

“This…. PIG… insulted my princess…” Kel’Thuzad said slowly, gesturing to the uneasy-looking pink Alicorn across the room upon the throne of love. “She invited this degenerate here to discuss his concerns, as any noble leader should, and this pitiful excuse for a stallion insulted her, mocked her, and shunned her majesty by turning to leave without an answer to his unprovoked insults… I merely am attempting to at least get an apology.” Said Kel’Thuzad, grinning evilly and tightening his grip ever so slightly on the struggling unicorn without even looking at him, the equine in question whimpering in obvious discomfort.

“Have you gotten one, then?” chuckled Shining, looking at the stallion that was less than half the size of him.

“No my lord, he seems to have wet himself though…” cackled Kel’Thuzad, as did some of the court, as he gestured to the yellowish puddle beneath the stallion, already lightly frosted over from the cold of the lich’s body.

Shining sighed, and his long horn grew ablaze with his pale white magic as the Helm of Domination slowly withdrew from his head, climbing up through his chilled fur. The helm lifted from the crest of his head, and his silvery-gray hair billowed down from his scalp, blowing gently in an unseen wind, already well on the way to it's ethereal form like the royal sister’s. He cracked his neck, and gently lowered the Helm of Domination to his left flank, were it disappeared under his cloak.

"M-M-My prince, why are you back from the Frozen North so soon?" He asked, quite obviously scared by the larger stallion, and his sudden entrance. Shining chuckled, his voice unmodified by the presence of the helm.

"I had no reason to stay. My workforce has their orders..." Shining says, nodding to Kel'Thuzad. The lich smirks, and unfolds his hand, the count inside yelping as he began the short descent to the floor. He impacts the crystal tiles with a dull 'thud', and lays there for a moment before groaning.

"Now. APOLOGIZE!" Shining roared, the room shaking from the intensity of his Royal Canterlot Voice.

"I-I..." Red Brand stammered, his form attempting to stand before slipping on a convenient puddle of frozen liquid. He quickly attempted to get back up, his back popping as he did, and turned quickly to the Princess of Love.

"I-I'm sorry, your highness..." Red Brand sobbed, his eyes stinging with half-frozen tears of fear. Cadence smiled, and nodded.

"Thank you, that will be all. Now get out of my throne room." Cadence commanded, her face a serene smile the entire time. The Count quickly ran out, his whimpering form disappearing down the hallway. Kel'Thuzad growled at the worm as he ran, wishing he could rip him apart for his insolence... but, politics has restraint. And he was a smart man.

A scared man, is a loyal man.

Author's Note

No one likes a racist, or a narcissist.

Anyway, just a little blurb of writing that I had done before I even began The Crystal Vizier. Remodeled it a little, but it is otherwise finished.

May or may not elaborate on Shining's appearance in this...