My name is Fake Markby SkarsnikChaptersThe planPonyvilleKnights and dragonLiesThe end?Wedding BellsThe planMy name is Fake Mark, and I am in a room where servants are helping me get dressed for the most important day of my life. Well, it was all part of the initial plan. Let’s do this again: I am Fake Mark. It’s not my real name, but since I don’t remember my birth name, let’s say it’s the closest to my real name you’ll get, and it’s the name I go by in my trade. I won’t bother you with a cute story on how I got my cutie mark since it’s pretty boring, but let’s say my special talent is quite unique. I can change the way my cutie mark looks like, yes it’s supposed to not be possible but I can, and I’m not even a unicorn, which adds to the irony of this. I’m what you can call a con artist, but I don’t do small gigs selling fake artifacts or stuff like that. I’m in identity theft; I create personas or pretend to be something or somepony I am not. That can vary from scamming rich ponies with stupid investments by pretending to be some noble, or entering some secure area by pretending to be a royal guard. But, let me tell you this: just by being very confident in every circumstance, you can already do a lot of things adding a cutie mark that looks legit, or close to what my role is supposed to be, is just a great bonus. You have a fruit cutie mark? A pony will trust you when you are selling stupid shit in a farmer’s market, even if you aren’t an earth pony. A sword? You must be a great warrior, therefore a successful guard. My story started when, one day, a big client asked me something. I won’t say “unusual”; stealing things is a job in which I often take part. I often play the role of the pony that will gather information or enter in the trusted circle of the target pony. But it’s not an easy target. Luckily for me, the client isn’t stupid and paid me just for what you can call a quote. I need to steal the Element of Magic. I gave myself six months to get an estimate. Even if the client is paying big, if can’t devise something in this time, I will not insist. It took only two weeks to learn where the Elements of Harmony were. A month before I could try an attempt. I waited for a guard officer to go on vacation. Well, the truth is, he “won” a free vacation for him and his family. No, he didn’t get killed, we really paid him a vacation. Dead ponies, especially officers, raise suspicion. I dyed my coat and mane and entered the castle vault as this officer and excused a last-minute duty showing a new recruit around. But it was a dead end, my “new recruit” (a.k.a. my expert in forcing every kind of vault/seal open) said it’s too complex. And to get a real chance to try something, he’ll need something there’s no way for him to get: time. It wasn’t not a serious drawback; it was expected by a vault only Princess Celestia can open. The second plan was a bit trickier. I took the place of an assistant in a museum specialized in exposing artifact and convinced the curator to ask the Princess if they could showcase the Elements. It took a bit of time for the request to come to the Princess, but she isn’t stupid. The Elements are to remain locked away from the public, but she offered some pictures for making copies. It wasn’t a big loss for the museum, apparently, but it was a loss for me. Well, I gathered some information on the bearers of the Elements. Did I mention that, when I say I, it can be anypony from my team? Now I have another angle: convince one of the bearers to ask for the removal of the Elements. But I have another issue: with the museum already asking a similar demand, it’s a bit risky, but time is running out. So I sent a friend of mine, a mare, to play with the Element of Greed, a.k.a. Miss Rarity .Yeah, I know she’s supposed to be “Generosity”, but give her some high “Lady” and she will do everything to earn your favour. Bad news, however: she apparently tried to convince the Princess to give her Element to wear in a formal event, but that didn’t work either. On a relative note, I can appreciate jewelry, but I have to admit, the Elements are the kind I don’t like: very gaudy. I prefer some fine silver lining with tiny diamonds. It wasn’t really a waste of time; we learned more about the bearers this way. The Element of Magic being a tiara, a plan formed in my mind. I contacted my client and warned him -or her; I don’t really care about the identity of my client- it’s a two-year plan. That visibly amused my client, and he gave me his agreement to proceed. My plan is simple: marrying the Element of Magic’s bearer, Twilight Sparkle. PonyvilleIt’s a gamble, but it’s easy to convince a mare to wear nice jewelry like a tiara for her own wedding. It’s also probably my worst and best idea. Maintaining an identity for, like, few weeks is easy, but here I’m talking about one year, at least. The mare is probably gullible enough to marry a stallion who’d show her enough interest on a short time, but, well, you have to account for her family and mentor. And considering she’s probably a virgin, I’ll need to take it slow. It’ll be challenging, but the pay is enough for me to retire. If you want to attract the attention of a mare, it’s easy: be caring, confident and a bit cocky. It works nearly every time. But it’s not the way to go on something deep like a wedding. I need to construct a real life, and some flaws in my personality. Usually, I go for something fake with no deep background, but I’m dealing with Princess Celestia’s student and the little sister of the Captain of the Royal Guard. My fake life needs to be very solid. The best way to do it? Stole a real life. I found a pegasus that looked like me, remove him, and paid the right pony to make him assitant manager of the weather in Ponyville. I also needed a reason to be in this town with a subpar job that doesn’t raise lot of questions. Sound easy? Not really. I had to kill “my” parents in an accident and said I wanted to move on to clear my mind. That meant more time between their funeral and my moving into Ponyville. A lot of ponies have the misconception that deceiving others like that is an art. Not really, it’s a science. First, you need a lot of preparation and planning. Not that I could really plan the next two years, but between studying your target, coming up with a plan, finding the right ponies for some jobs and practicing being another... it’s a lot of work. So no, it’s not “rush into it and improvise”. So when I finally moved into Ponyville, I’d already had the next few months planned. First, getting used to my “job”, and socialising with the right ponies before having the target interested in me. A complication suddenly appeared in the form of the mare delivering my mail. I was only here for two days, yet something was already stressing. “Do I know you?” the gray pegasus mare with a blonde mane and a weird eyes defect was asking me. I could really say yes to her, but that probably wouldn’t be a good idea. Firstly, I didn’t remember the cutie mark I had when I’d met her, and she came with something I’m not ready for: a foal. I know this because it’s mine. Don’t get any ideas (or maybe, yes). She was one of my first missions when I was a teenager. She’s from a rich family with a weird tradition concerning who inherits what. I think it was her brother who paid my boss (at this time) to make her become pregnant, revoking her right to touch something because it was outside a marriage. So I put on my biggest smile, used what I had been taught to coerce her into having sex with me, and with the help of some magic, it was a guaranteed pregnancy. “I’m new to town. I used to live in Cloudsdale.” I’m in trouble because it happened in Cloudsdale, but if she’s the mail pony, she probably hears every rumour in a small town like this, and I don’t want ponies questioning my entire backstory. She took and shook the hoof I had offered to her. “Oh, I’m from Cloudsdale too! Perhaps we met here?” I grabbed the mail she gave me. “Yes, maybe. Thanks for the mail, have a nice day!” I say dismissively. Luckily for me, she took off to deliver to her next address. The next day I would need to ask a friend to see whether her foal looks like me. It could really be a major drawback. One one hoof, I’m not a fan of removing somepony that isn’t part of the plan; on the other, I’m talking about a lot of money and probably a coup that will stay in the memory of every criminal. Knights and dragonI was lucky with the mailmare foal. It’s a filly and she looks a lot like her mother, and not really like me. My coat is a light green, and my mane and tail are white. On the plus side, she’s a unicorn. Unless her mother has a revelation, I’m pretty safe. But it’s time to move on acquiring the affection of my target. It came in various phase. The first phase is just making me be known to the target. It’s easy since she lives in a library; I just need to come sometime. The other phase is “making” the target fall in love. Well, you can’t really force a pony to love you, but there is a reason mares fall for the heroes that save them. Exploiting a weakness when a pony is weak emotionally is the base for influencing them. You don’t believe me? You want to get money from a poor mother? Say something like, “It’s for the good of your daughter,” and you can sell your stupid scam easily. For that, I already have a plan. It’s not a mystery; there are lots of fairy tales about knights saving princesses from the foes and falling in love. It refers to what I had previously said: emotional distress on the mare’s part and the show of a big involvement from the stallion. In fact, there are some similarities with my plan and fairy tales since it involves a dragon and knight. Well, a baby dragon and professional knight. Smiling, I watched the touching reunion of the target with her assistant. The goons I had hired to foalnap the dragon in hoofcuffs, escorted by the local Royal Guard. The guard remaining at my left said, “Thank you for your information, citizen.” Now came the third part of the plan. I was at the library to search for another book to read. The librarian came to me with a big smile. “Hey! You were the pony that helped find Spike?” “Oh, it was nothing. I just told the Guard what I saw,” I replied with a smile. True, I had no involvement in the rescue of the dragon. I just told the searching party that I saw some suspicious ponies going in a house. “I don’t know how to thank you. Do you want to borrow more books? I can offer the year free or something.” Yes, it was tempting to propose something like a dinner, but it had to come from her. Now she knows I exist and I am a pony of interest for her. “It’s alright... I’ll just take this book. How’s the little guy doing?” It’s important to show consideration to a mare’s siblings or friends. . “I sent him back to Canterlot for a week. He’s unharmed but a bit shaken. Thanks for asking.” Some days later my boss Rainbow Dash talked to me. She put a hoof around my neck “Hey, thanks for helping with Spike. Twilight asked Pinkie to organise something to thank you.” That was a surprise; I was working my way to befriend her first but it look like she was taking some step toward me. “Are you sure I deserve this? I didn’t really do anything...” “And that’s why you’re still single. A mare invites you to a party, you go.” Rainbow Dash is a strange mare; she acts more like a stallion, and for some reason, she likes to tease the fact that my persona is kind of skittish with mares. It’s funny because she’s had very few intimate encounters with other ponies, herself. After the party, it all went smoothly. Our relationship remained friendly for a few weeks, but she started asking more about me. I went to her place more and more, and one day, I asked her out on a date. It went quite well, and the date led to more dates. I’d became her coltfriend. Now was the hard part of the plan: keeping this relationship going and becoming strong enough for a wedding. Today was different, to say the least. Twilight rushed to the weather office where I work and blurted, “My brother is getting married! Shining Armor’s getting married!” Oh… oh. A wedding, mean something I am not looking forward to: meeting her family. “Oh, that’s great! Although I don’t recall you ever talking about your brother.” She said, with her cute little smile, “I was wondering if you’d want to come. To meet him and my parents. I’m sure they’ll love you!” Yeah, I am so prepared to meet the ponies who will show absolute distrust toward the stallion trying to steal their daughter/sister/whatever from them. LiesWhat is my life really? What will I do? It was the question I was asking myself as I was drinking another glass of whiskey, something my stupid current persona would never drink. Well, I drunk with my future father in law because the stupid mare had the good idea of making me stay at her parents’ place. They were nice ponies although very trusting. “Bad time for you, hey?” asked me the bartender. “Shut up, Frank. just give me another one.” “Not in a good mood today, Fake. I can understand why.” he chuckled. Of course, I was not happy. How could I be happy with what happened? He wiped a glass casually, it seemed like a plain thing, but it’s actually hard to mimic the gesture of a real bartender. Trust me I tried. “You should really go to the wedding still.” he continued Why would I care? It was not a place for me, surrounded by 3 princesses and the whole royal guard. I had been really worried about Princess Cadance, maybe she could see through me and see that I didn’t love the mare. It was hard to miss she was acting. I don’t know how her friends missed the obvious sign. Her impersonator had the perfect look though, but Princess Cadance was known to be very kind. “Hey Fake, look! We found a nice portrait of you.” Two ponies of my team had taken the head of one of those creatures, put it on a piece of wood and put a little gold plate with my name on it. I was too mad to care, I just lost myself drinking for the night. “Hey, rude night?” said the white stallion waking me. My brain was too scrambled to react in a proper way, I decided to just say nothing. He proffered me a glass of water. I was not sure how I managed to get back to their house. I was on the couch, a blanket over me. I took the glass and let the stallion speak. “I did not see you at my wedding, my sister was so eager to introduce you properly.” It clicked, Captain Shining Armor was talking to me, Well, Prince Consort Shining Armor to be exact I guess. I needed an excuse, I did not want him to ask too many questions. “Are you not supposed to be on your honeymoon?” I managed to reply. The imposing stallion put a hoof behind his neck “Yes. Cadance is not happy.” He tried to straighten his glare but he sighed “Listen. I am supposed to give you a stern lecture on how not to break my sister’s heart, but I don’t feel like shouting on a hangover stallion.” “Thank you” It was sincere for once. He frowned “Still I sent some guards trying to find you, but for nothing, you made everypony worried. Especially Twily.” “I am sorry.” I sipped the water. It was awful. I was awful. Losing control was bad. I knew he wanted a good answer. Keep it together Fake. He probably runs whatever spell they figure to detect I was not one of these monsters. “I run away and ended taking refuge in a bar.” That was actually true. He paused, nodded and went off. Soon I was joined by his sister. “I was so worried. I am glad you are alright!” her usual cheerful voice was a nightmare in my state. She noticed and sat on a couch near the couch I was lying on. “Do you need anything? Maybe I can find a counter hangover spell!” Remaining silent was my answer today. She went off to the kitchen, talking about making me pancakes. I could hear her talking with her mother. “Let me help you. Your pancakes are a disaster.” “It’s ok mom, he likes my pancakes.” “Sweety, he is a stallion. He will lie, be nice and say he likes your pancakes.” I chuckled at the old mare wise words. Groaned when I tried to move my head too much. I was safe for now, I just needed to hold for a few more months. Maybe I could use the wedding to plant the idea in her head sooner? The end?I was stuck at my office doing some last minute paperwork, thanks to another Ponyville disaster. For some reason, Rainbow Dash did not show up all day and other ponies at the weather team, just like any disaster day in Ponyville, were either taking the day off or hanging out in the office playing card games all day. I was supposed to report the slackers but I didn’t really care. I had a lot on my mind recently. I let up an occasion to steal the Element of Magic slip up when Princess Celestia brought Discord here to try to reform him. Well, it was unplanned but I am pretty sure I could have found some way to get my hoof on the object that brought me in this extended period of living a “normal” life. I also kind of grow fond of Twiligh- my target. It’s refreshing to meet ponies smarter than the average dumb ponies, but her still naïve side in trusting ponies is cute. I finally moved with her and it’s really scary. I had to be extra careful on what I do of my free time and my attitude all the time. Like ranting how stupid her friends are, I am supposed to go along well with them. And I tell you aside from my ‘boss’, all are pretty uninteresting to me, between the superficial pseudo fashionista and the dumb farm pony, I have nothing I can relate to. I was also worried by the look the mail mare is giving me every time I meet her, especially when I am alone in the office and she comes to delivers some mail. If she figured the truth I could be in a lot of trouble or I would need to get rid of her. I preferred not to think of that, she is a kind and funny pony, she can’t stop talking about her filly if you give her some free time to talk. I was not fan of the idea of making a foal orphan. I pushed my worries aside as I shooed away the last pegasus of the weather team out. I think they get better at not slacking too much since I have been here, but not today. “You are no fun, I love resting on this couch,” Cloudchaser said with feign offence. The couch reserved for guests but was mostly used by lazy pegasus napping. “Your bed is probably a better place to sleep.” I closed and locked the door. “Yes, but there is no Flitter, nor Thunderlane around.” maybe it was time for the twin sisters to move in a separate house. It’s weird for both the couple and ponies living with them, trust me we had to move Spike in a separate room. It was starting to get dark. Some pegasus had pointed that the sky had gone crazy all day, but it was back at what I had originally planned. It was a nightmare to manage to keep a stable weather near the Everfree Forest with the wild weather that could come and ruin days of carefully planned cloud placement. My job was supposed to just help do paperwork but I was often in the sky helping the team. When I reached the tree house I witnessed an interesting but very confusing scene. Princess Celestia was here, giving a speech and bowing to… Twilight. She now has wings? And if I understand correctly she was now a Princess? I think I stayed frozen for a while until Pinkie pushed me toward Twilight to congratulate her. I did not have doubt in my mind that everything was part of a great scheme by the Princesses, it had only been 3 days since we had a new Princess in Equestria and it was already the end of her coronation. It was like everything had been planned in advance since I don’t think it’d take such a short notice to get everything like banners and carriage ready. We were in her chamber in Canterlot Castle. She was asleep and I was staring at the tiara she wore for the coronation. It was resting on a nearby nightstand. I could not have planned this, but here was the Element of Magic in hooves reach, defenceless, ready to be taken. I grabbed a quill and a scroll. She always had some laying around. I looked a last time at the mare I spend more than a year wooing and got into the idea of a wedding before making my decision. I was now relaxing on a beach, a fresh glass of mojito in one hoof, my other hoof was resting on the flank of a beautiful mare, admiring the sun setting in the calm blue water in front of me. I know it sounds rather cliché, but hey, I can finally rest and stop worrying for the rest of my life. No plan to stick to, nearly no planning aside from how to spend my newly acquired wealth. Do I regret completing my plan? Nah. Wedding BellsThere was a lot of dangers to being a new rich even if you kept a low profile, ponies trying to con you to steal your money, easy to spot and get rid of them. Mares trying to seduce you so you give them jewellery and the like. Or even, ironically my favourite, mares trying to seduce me so I marry then later kill me to get all my money. You might think there is no difference between the two, but trust me, the latter are generally more cunning and less flashy in their actions. Anyways, it’s either I get rid of them or I have the chance to sleep with good looking mares easily without doing anything, so it was not that bad. But there was some kind of danger that you couldn’t really expect, like for example being foalnapped in the middle of the night. Especially when you stayed in an expensive hotel that offers top notch security and you paid (very well ) ponies to deal with preventing and reacting to threats to myself. You could think I was scared to death, but I was quite used to this sort of stuff, well sorta. I had been on both ends of a situation like that. Either foalnapping some business pony and pretending to be paid by their main competitor or being held captive to get information/money on who is my boss. I was still not quite comfortable. You know the cliché of being held in a weird cave or some isolated storage room with leaking pipe or rats running everywhere. It tends to put you on an edge, fills you with a greater sense of danger and impending doom if you don’t obey your captor. Here it was the exact opposite. I had a blindfold, but not like a crappy potatoes bag, it was a simple efficient piece of cloth, it smelled nothing particular. But even with it, I could guess I was in a clean room. It was not cold, hot or humid. No word had be spoken to me since I woke up, no screaming, asking for money, nopony. I had my forelegs tied behind a chair but like the rest, it smelled efficiency more than cruel intention. “You have a glass of water in front of you.” said a mare voice. It was rather clinical. This made me realise that I was now thirsty, how long since I was out? I tentatively lowered my head toward what I guess would be the glass “I could use some help.” I heard hoofsteps followed by the feeling of the glass hitting my mouth, I paused. “It’s not poisoned” I opened my mouth and the glass was raised so I could drink. When I was done it was back into the silent treatment and alone with my thoughts. What do they want, money? Maybe, but very unlikely. Revenge or my skill, more probable. Now it was down to who has this sort of money or has this degree of professionalism. I was startled by the sudden sound of a door opening and hooves clapping on the floor Oh no, no, no. I hate this sound, I was in a lot of trouble, I should have realised this sooner, it was the sound of guards standing at attention. “Leave us.” a firm voice, another mare said. After the other guards had left the room, I thought there was another one aside the mare that helped me drink, the door closed. I felt my blindfold being removed and as my vision cleared up I could make the form of … Princess Luna, I am dead “You are a stallion hard to find, despite being one of the most wanted.” Of course, I was wanted, you don’t run away from a new Princess without your case being taken seriously. Despite having ponies in place to mislead the search, it seems it was not enough. “You should be proud of yourself, to fool my sister’s best ponies.” she paused, why she paused, I always thought I was good at reading ponies. I was getting nothing from her. She moved closer, looked at me with a smile “Your initial plan was idiotic. But it seems my sister’s plan gives you a better opportunity.” My eyes lit up but she cut me off “Yes, I was your sponsor.” she let a silence in purpose to further my confusion. She leant her face near me “But as idiotic as your plan was, it worked. I dare say too well. Our new Princess can’t get you out of her head, little stallion.” I chuckled, I was well aware of that, it had been in all newspapers that the new Princess Twilight was distressed from losing her coltfriend. The princess put a file in front of me and opened it to reveal lots of pictures of me “I could put you in jail for one or two lifetimes. But I am pretty sure you could find a way to escape a regular jail.” She moved away, her back turned to me “No, I think it’s best for our mutual interest to keep you close.” -- I was in a room where servants were helping me to get dressed for the most important day of my life. Well, it was all part of the initial plan. I guess now was the continuation of the plan. “Nervous, son?” asked my future father-in-law. It was kind of annoying. Since I proposed to their daughter, they insisted on calling me like that. I was pretty sure their own son did not agree with that. “Yes” Oh if only you knew why I was nervous. I should have chosen jail. Pretending to be another pony for a year had been a nightmare sometimes. Even if there were good times. I might be able to escape, but there were royal guards everywhere, not unlike the previous royal wedding. Trust me I tried to plan at least ten escape routes already. Words had been spread so I could not get external help. To that, you add a paranoid fiancée that does not want to lose me again, who had probably put a tracking spell on me. So my odds were close to none. I straightened my bow tie as I marched outside the room. Today I am going to be married.
The planMy name is Fake Mark, and I am in a room where servants are helping me get dressed for the most important day of my life. Well, it was all part of the initial plan. Let’s do this again: I am Fake Mark. It’s not my real name, but since I don’t remember my birth name, let’s say it’s the closest to my real name you’ll get, and it’s the name I go by in my trade. I won’t bother you with a cute story on how I got my cutie mark since it’s pretty boring, but let’s say my special talent is quite unique. I can change the way my cutie mark looks like, yes it’s supposed to not be possible but I can, and I’m not even a unicorn, which adds to the irony of this. I’m what you can call a con artist, but I don’t do small gigs selling fake artifacts or stuff like that. I’m in identity theft; I create personas or pretend to be something or somepony I am not. That can vary from scamming rich ponies with stupid investments by pretending to be some noble, or entering some secure area by pretending to be a royal guard. But, let me tell you this: just by being very confident in every circumstance, you can already do a lot of things adding a cutie mark that looks legit, or close to what my role is supposed to be, is just a great bonus. You have a fruit cutie mark? A pony will trust you when you are selling stupid shit in a farmer’s market, even if you aren’t an earth pony. A sword? You must be a great warrior, therefore a successful guard. My story started when, one day, a big client asked me something. I won’t say “unusual”; stealing things is a job in which I often take part. I often play the role of the pony that will gather information or enter in the trusted circle of the target pony. But it’s not an easy target. Luckily for me, the client isn’t stupid and paid me just for what you can call a quote. I need to steal the Element of Magic. I gave myself six months to get an estimate. Even if the client is paying big, if can’t devise something in this time, I will not insist. It took only two weeks to learn where the Elements of Harmony were. A month before I could try an attempt. I waited for a guard officer to go on vacation. Well, the truth is, he “won” a free vacation for him and his family. No, he didn’t get killed, we really paid him a vacation. Dead ponies, especially officers, raise suspicion. I dyed my coat and mane and entered the castle vault as this officer and excused a last-minute duty showing a new recruit around. But it was a dead end, my “new recruit” (a.k.a. my expert in forcing every kind of vault/seal open) said it’s too complex. And to get a real chance to try something, he’ll need something there’s no way for him to get: time. It wasn’t not a serious drawback; it was expected by a vault only Princess Celestia can open. The second plan was a bit trickier. I took the place of an assistant in a museum specialized in exposing artifact and convinced the curator to ask the Princess if they could showcase the Elements. It took a bit of time for the request to come to the Princess, but she isn’t stupid. The Elements are to remain locked away from the public, but she offered some pictures for making copies. It wasn’t a big loss for the museum, apparently, but it was a loss for me. Well, I gathered some information on the bearers of the Elements. Did I mention that, when I say I, it can be anypony from my team? Now I have another angle: convince one of the bearers to ask for the removal of the Elements. But I have another issue: with the museum already asking a similar demand, it’s a bit risky, but time is running out. So I sent a friend of mine, a mare, to play with the Element of Greed, a.k.a. Miss Rarity .Yeah, I know she’s supposed to be “Generosity”, but give her some high “Lady” and she will do everything to earn your favour. Bad news, however: she apparently tried to convince the Princess to give her Element to wear in a formal event, but that didn’t work either. On a relative note, I can appreciate jewelry, but I have to admit, the Elements are the kind I don’t like: very gaudy. I prefer some fine silver lining with tiny diamonds. It wasn’t really a waste of time; we learned more about the bearers this way. The Element of Magic being a tiara, a plan formed in my mind. I contacted my client and warned him -or her; I don’t really care about the identity of my client- it’s a two-year plan. That visibly amused my client, and he gave me his agreement to proceed. My plan is simple: marrying the Element of Magic’s bearer, Twilight Sparkle.
PonyvilleIt’s a gamble, but it’s easy to convince a mare to wear nice jewelry like a tiara for her own wedding. It’s also probably my worst and best idea. Maintaining an identity for, like, few weeks is easy, but here I’m talking about one year, at least. The mare is probably gullible enough to marry a stallion who’d show her enough interest on a short time, but, well, you have to account for her family and mentor. And considering she’s probably a virgin, I’ll need to take it slow. It’ll be challenging, but the pay is enough for me to retire. If you want to attract the attention of a mare, it’s easy: be caring, confident and a bit cocky. It works nearly every time. But it’s not the way to go on something deep like a wedding. I need to construct a real life, and some flaws in my personality. Usually, I go for something fake with no deep background, but I’m dealing with Princess Celestia’s student and the little sister of the Captain of the Royal Guard. My fake life needs to be very solid. The best way to do it? Stole a real life. I found a pegasus that looked like me, remove him, and paid the right pony to make him assitant manager of the weather in Ponyville. I also needed a reason to be in this town with a subpar job that doesn’t raise lot of questions. Sound easy? Not really. I had to kill “my” parents in an accident and said I wanted to move on to clear my mind. That meant more time between their funeral and my moving into Ponyville. A lot of ponies have the misconception that deceiving others like that is an art. Not really, it’s a science. First, you need a lot of preparation and planning. Not that I could really plan the next two years, but between studying your target, coming up with a plan, finding the right ponies for some jobs and practicing being another... it’s a lot of work. So no, it’s not “rush into it and improvise”. So when I finally moved into Ponyville, I’d already had the next few months planned. First, getting used to my “job”, and socialising with the right ponies before having the target interested in me. A complication suddenly appeared in the form of the mare delivering my mail. I was only here for two days, yet something was already stressing. “Do I know you?” the gray pegasus mare with a blonde mane and a weird eyes defect was asking me. I could really say yes to her, but that probably wouldn’t be a good idea. Firstly, I didn’t remember the cutie mark I had when I’d met her, and she came with something I’m not ready for: a foal. I know this because it’s mine. Don’t get any ideas (or maybe, yes). She was one of my first missions when I was a teenager. She’s from a rich family with a weird tradition concerning who inherits what. I think it was her brother who paid my boss (at this time) to make her become pregnant, revoking her right to touch something because it was outside a marriage. So I put on my biggest smile, used what I had been taught to coerce her into having sex with me, and with the help of some magic, it was a guaranteed pregnancy. “I’m new to town. I used to live in Cloudsdale.” I’m in trouble because it happened in Cloudsdale, but if she’s the mail pony, she probably hears every rumour in a small town like this, and I don’t want ponies questioning my entire backstory. She took and shook the hoof I had offered to her. “Oh, I’m from Cloudsdale too! Perhaps we met here?” I grabbed the mail she gave me. “Yes, maybe. Thanks for the mail, have a nice day!” I say dismissively. Luckily for me, she took off to deliver to her next address. The next day I would need to ask a friend to see whether her foal looks like me. It could really be a major drawback. One one hoof, I’m not a fan of removing somepony that isn’t part of the plan; on the other, I’m talking about a lot of money and probably a coup that will stay in the memory of every criminal.
Knights and dragonI was lucky with the mailmare foal. It’s a filly and she looks a lot like her mother, and not really like me. My coat is a light green, and my mane and tail are white. On the plus side, she’s a unicorn. Unless her mother has a revelation, I’m pretty safe. But it’s time to move on acquiring the affection of my target. It came in various phase. The first phase is just making me be known to the target. It’s easy since she lives in a library; I just need to come sometime. The other phase is “making” the target fall in love. Well, you can’t really force a pony to love you, but there is a reason mares fall for the heroes that save them. Exploiting a weakness when a pony is weak emotionally is the base for influencing them. You don’t believe me? You want to get money from a poor mother? Say something like, “It’s for the good of your daughter,” and you can sell your stupid scam easily. For that, I already have a plan. It’s not a mystery; there are lots of fairy tales about knights saving princesses from the foes and falling in love. It refers to what I had previously said: emotional distress on the mare’s part and the show of a big involvement from the stallion. In fact, there are some similarities with my plan and fairy tales since it involves a dragon and knight. Well, a baby dragon and professional knight. Smiling, I watched the touching reunion of the target with her assistant. The goons I had hired to foalnap the dragon in hoofcuffs, escorted by the local Royal Guard. The guard remaining at my left said, “Thank you for your information, citizen.” Now came the third part of the plan. I was at the library to search for another book to read. The librarian came to me with a big smile. “Hey! You were the pony that helped find Spike?” “Oh, it was nothing. I just told the Guard what I saw,” I replied with a smile. True, I had no involvement in the rescue of the dragon. I just told the searching party that I saw some suspicious ponies going in a house. “I don’t know how to thank you. Do you want to borrow more books? I can offer the year free or something.” Yes, it was tempting to propose something like a dinner, but it had to come from her. Now she knows I exist and I am a pony of interest for her. “It’s alright... I’ll just take this book. How’s the little guy doing?” It’s important to show consideration to a mare’s siblings or friends. . “I sent him back to Canterlot for a week. He’s unharmed but a bit shaken. Thanks for asking.” Some days later my boss Rainbow Dash talked to me. She put a hoof around my neck “Hey, thanks for helping with Spike. Twilight asked Pinkie to organise something to thank you.” That was a surprise; I was working my way to befriend her first but it look like she was taking some step toward me. “Are you sure I deserve this? I didn’t really do anything...” “And that’s why you’re still single. A mare invites you to a party, you go.” Rainbow Dash is a strange mare; she acts more like a stallion, and for some reason, she likes to tease the fact that my persona is kind of skittish with mares. It’s funny because she’s had very few intimate encounters with other ponies, herself. After the party, it all went smoothly. Our relationship remained friendly for a few weeks, but she started asking more about me. I went to her place more and more, and one day, I asked her out on a date. It went quite well, and the date led to more dates. I’d became her coltfriend. Now was the hard part of the plan: keeping this relationship going and becoming strong enough for a wedding. Today was different, to say the least. Twilight rushed to the weather office where I work and blurted, “My brother is getting married! Shining Armor’s getting married!” Oh… oh. A wedding, mean something I am not looking forward to: meeting her family. “Oh, that’s great! Although I don’t recall you ever talking about your brother.” She said, with her cute little smile, “I was wondering if you’d want to come. To meet him and my parents. I’m sure they’ll love you!” Yeah, I am so prepared to meet the ponies who will show absolute distrust toward the stallion trying to steal their daughter/sister/whatever from them.
LiesWhat is my life really? What will I do? It was the question I was asking myself as I was drinking another glass of whiskey, something my stupid current persona would never drink. Well, I drunk with my future father in law because the stupid mare had the good idea of making me stay at her parents’ place. They were nice ponies although very trusting. “Bad time for you, hey?” asked me the bartender. “Shut up, Frank. just give me another one.” “Not in a good mood today, Fake. I can understand why.” he chuckled. Of course, I was not happy. How could I be happy with what happened? He wiped a glass casually, it seemed like a plain thing, but it’s actually hard to mimic the gesture of a real bartender. Trust me I tried. “You should really go to the wedding still.” he continued Why would I care? It was not a place for me, surrounded by 3 princesses and the whole royal guard. I had been really worried about Princess Cadance, maybe she could see through me and see that I didn’t love the mare. It was hard to miss she was acting. I don’t know how her friends missed the obvious sign. Her impersonator had the perfect look though, but Princess Cadance was known to be very kind. “Hey Fake, look! We found a nice portrait of you.” Two ponies of my team had taken the head of one of those creatures, put it on a piece of wood and put a little gold plate with my name on it. I was too mad to care, I just lost myself drinking for the night. “Hey, rude night?” said the white stallion waking me. My brain was too scrambled to react in a proper way, I decided to just say nothing. He proffered me a glass of water. I was not sure how I managed to get back to their house. I was on the couch, a blanket over me. I took the glass and let the stallion speak. “I did not see you at my wedding, my sister was so eager to introduce you properly.” It clicked, Captain Shining Armor was talking to me, Well, Prince Consort Shining Armor to be exact I guess. I needed an excuse, I did not want him to ask too many questions. “Are you not supposed to be on your honeymoon?” I managed to reply. The imposing stallion put a hoof behind his neck “Yes. Cadance is not happy.” He tried to straighten his glare but he sighed “Listen. I am supposed to give you a stern lecture on how not to break my sister’s heart, but I don’t feel like shouting on a hangover stallion.” “Thank you” It was sincere for once. He frowned “Still I sent some guards trying to find you, but for nothing, you made everypony worried. Especially Twily.” “I am sorry.” I sipped the water. It was awful. I was awful. Losing control was bad. I knew he wanted a good answer. Keep it together Fake. He probably runs whatever spell they figure to detect I was not one of these monsters. “I run away and ended taking refuge in a bar.” That was actually true. He paused, nodded and went off. Soon I was joined by his sister. “I was so worried. I am glad you are alright!” her usual cheerful voice was a nightmare in my state. She noticed and sat on a couch near the couch I was lying on. “Do you need anything? Maybe I can find a counter hangover spell!” Remaining silent was my answer today. She went off to the kitchen, talking about making me pancakes. I could hear her talking with her mother. “Let me help you. Your pancakes are a disaster.” “It’s ok mom, he likes my pancakes.” “Sweety, he is a stallion. He will lie, be nice and say he likes your pancakes.” I chuckled at the old mare wise words. Groaned when I tried to move my head too much. I was safe for now, I just needed to hold for a few more months. Maybe I could use the wedding to plant the idea in her head sooner?
The end?I was stuck at my office doing some last minute paperwork, thanks to another Ponyville disaster. For some reason, Rainbow Dash did not show up all day and other ponies at the weather team, just like any disaster day in Ponyville, were either taking the day off or hanging out in the office playing card games all day. I was supposed to report the slackers but I didn’t really care. I had a lot on my mind recently. I let up an occasion to steal the Element of Magic slip up when Princess Celestia brought Discord here to try to reform him. Well, it was unplanned but I am pretty sure I could have found some way to get my hoof on the object that brought me in this extended period of living a “normal” life. I also kind of grow fond of Twiligh- my target. It’s refreshing to meet ponies smarter than the average dumb ponies, but her still naïve side in trusting ponies is cute. I finally moved with her and it’s really scary. I had to be extra careful on what I do of my free time and my attitude all the time. Like ranting how stupid her friends are, I am supposed to go along well with them. And I tell you aside from my ‘boss’, all are pretty uninteresting to me, between the superficial pseudo fashionista and the dumb farm pony, I have nothing I can relate to. I was also worried by the look the mail mare is giving me every time I meet her, especially when I am alone in the office and she comes to delivers some mail. If she figured the truth I could be in a lot of trouble or I would need to get rid of her. I preferred not to think of that, she is a kind and funny pony, she can’t stop talking about her filly if you give her some free time to talk. I was not fan of the idea of making a foal orphan. I pushed my worries aside as I shooed away the last pegasus of the weather team out. I think they get better at not slacking too much since I have been here, but not today. “You are no fun, I love resting on this couch,” Cloudchaser said with feign offence. The couch reserved for guests but was mostly used by lazy pegasus napping. “Your bed is probably a better place to sleep.” I closed and locked the door. “Yes, but there is no Flitter, nor Thunderlane around.” maybe it was time for the twin sisters to move in a separate house. It’s weird for both the couple and ponies living with them, trust me we had to move Spike in a separate room. It was starting to get dark. Some pegasus had pointed that the sky had gone crazy all day, but it was back at what I had originally planned. It was a nightmare to manage to keep a stable weather near the Everfree Forest with the wild weather that could come and ruin days of carefully planned cloud placement. My job was supposed to just help do paperwork but I was often in the sky helping the team. When I reached the tree house I witnessed an interesting but very confusing scene. Princess Celestia was here, giving a speech and bowing to… Twilight. She now has wings? And if I understand correctly she was now a Princess? I think I stayed frozen for a while until Pinkie pushed me toward Twilight to congratulate her. I did not have doubt in my mind that everything was part of a great scheme by the Princesses, it had only been 3 days since we had a new Princess in Equestria and it was already the end of her coronation. It was like everything had been planned in advance since I don’t think it’d take such a short notice to get everything like banners and carriage ready. We were in her chamber in Canterlot Castle. She was asleep and I was staring at the tiara she wore for the coronation. It was resting on a nearby nightstand. I could not have planned this, but here was the Element of Magic in hooves reach, defenceless, ready to be taken. I grabbed a quill and a scroll. She always had some laying around. I looked a last time at the mare I spend more than a year wooing and got into the idea of a wedding before making my decision. I was now relaxing on a beach, a fresh glass of mojito in one hoof, my other hoof was resting on the flank of a beautiful mare, admiring the sun setting in the calm blue water in front of me. I know it sounds rather cliché, but hey, I can finally rest and stop worrying for the rest of my life. No plan to stick to, nearly no planning aside from how to spend my newly acquired wealth. Do I regret completing my plan? Nah.
Wedding BellsThere was a lot of dangers to being a new rich even if you kept a low profile, ponies trying to con you to steal your money, easy to spot and get rid of them. Mares trying to seduce you so you give them jewellery and the like. Or even, ironically my favourite, mares trying to seduce me so I marry then later kill me to get all my money. You might think there is no difference between the two, but trust me, the latter are generally more cunning and less flashy in their actions. Anyways, it’s either I get rid of them or I have the chance to sleep with good looking mares easily without doing anything, so it was not that bad. But there was some kind of danger that you couldn’t really expect, like for example being foalnapped in the middle of the night. Especially when you stayed in an expensive hotel that offers top notch security and you paid (very well ) ponies to deal with preventing and reacting to threats to myself. You could think I was scared to death, but I was quite used to this sort of stuff, well sorta. I had been on both ends of a situation like that. Either foalnapping some business pony and pretending to be paid by their main competitor or being held captive to get information/money on who is my boss. I was still not quite comfortable. You know the cliché of being held in a weird cave or some isolated storage room with leaking pipe or rats running everywhere. It tends to put you on an edge, fills you with a greater sense of danger and impending doom if you don’t obey your captor. Here it was the exact opposite. I had a blindfold, but not like a crappy potatoes bag, it was a simple efficient piece of cloth, it smelled nothing particular. But even with it, I could guess I was in a clean room. It was not cold, hot or humid. No word had be spoken to me since I woke up, no screaming, asking for money, nopony. I had my forelegs tied behind a chair but like the rest, it smelled efficiency more than cruel intention. “You have a glass of water in front of you.” said a mare voice. It was rather clinical. This made me realise that I was now thirsty, how long since I was out? I tentatively lowered my head toward what I guess would be the glass “I could use some help.” I heard hoofsteps followed by the feeling of the glass hitting my mouth, I paused. “It’s not poisoned” I opened my mouth and the glass was raised so I could drink. When I was done it was back into the silent treatment and alone with my thoughts. What do they want, money? Maybe, but very unlikely. Revenge or my skill, more probable. Now it was down to who has this sort of money or has this degree of professionalism. I was startled by the sudden sound of a door opening and hooves clapping on the floor Oh no, no, no. I hate this sound, I was in a lot of trouble, I should have realised this sooner, it was the sound of guards standing at attention. “Leave us.” a firm voice, another mare said. After the other guards had left the room, I thought there was another one aside the mare that helped me drink, the door closed. I felt my blindfold being removed and as my vision cleared up I could make the form of … Princess Luna, I am dead “You are a stallion hard to find, despite being one of the most wanted.” Of course, I was wanted, you don’t run away from a new Princess without your case being taken seriously. Despite having ponies in place to mislead the search, it seems it was not enough. “You should be proud of yourself, to fool my sister’s best ponies.” she paused, why she paused, I always thought I was good at reading ponies. I was getting nothing from her. She moved closer, looked at me with a smile “Your initial plan was idiotic. But it seems my sister’s plan gives you a better opportunity.” My eyes lit up but she cut me off “Yes, I was your sponsor.” she let a silence in purpose to further my confusion. She leant her face near me “But as idiotic as your plan was, it worked. I dare say too well. Our new Princess can’t get you out of her head, little stallion.” I chuckled, I was well aware of that, it had been in all newspapers that the new Princess Twilight was distressed from losing her coltfriend. The princess put a file in front of me and opened it to reveal lots of pictures of me “I could put you in jail for one or two lifetimes. But I am pretty sure you could find a way to escape a regular jail.” She moved away, her back turned to me “No, I think it’s best for our mutual interest to keep you close.” -- I was in a room where servants were helping me to get dressed for the most important day of my life. Well, it was all part of the initial plan. I guess now was the continuation of the plan. “Nervous, son?” asked my future father-in-law. It was kind of annoying. Since I proposed to their daughter, they insisted on calling me like that. I was pretty sure their own son did not agree with that. “Yes” Oh if only you knew why I was nervous. I should have chosen jail. Pretending to be another pony for a year had been a nightmare sometimes. Even if there were good times. I might be able to escape, but there were royal guards everywhere, not unlike the previous royal wedding. Trust me I tried to plan at least ten escape routes already. Words had been spread so I could not get external help. To that, you add a paranoid fiancée that does not want to lose me again, who had probably put a tracking spell on me. So my odds were close to none. I straightened my bow tie as I marched outside the room. Today I am going to be married.
