Chapters Twilight Velvet tried not to worry. Being that she had one child in the royal guard and one child living far away this was difficult. Still, she knew her daughter was powerful and had never faced a challenge she couldn't overcome. She had defeated Nightmare Moon and redeemed Princess Luna. She had overcome the Spirit of Chaos. She was the personal student of Princess Celestia and among the strongest living unicorns. Still, Princess Celestia herself had shown up at her door and told her that she needed to check up on Twilight. Velvet had tried to get more information, but all Celestia would tell her was that Twilight needed her mother. Something had happened. Twilight had experimented with dark magic. Disaster had been just barely averted. Something was wrong, Celestia had seen it in her eyes. When she had tried to talk to her student about it, Twilight had shut her out.
Twilight never shut Celestia out. She hung on every word that came out of the Sun Princesses' mouth like it was the water of life itself. Velvet had promised Celestia that she would visit Twilight. Right after Celestia left Velvet had departed to catch the train to Ponyville, leaving a note for Night Light. While on the train, thoughts wrestled together in her mind. She couldn't deny she was disappointed in Twilight for using dark magic, but all unicorns experimented. What concerned her most was the fact that Celestia couldn't get through to her. While she'd never admit it she'd always felt Celestia was closer to Twilight than she herself was. After all, Twilight had been her personal student and Celestia had taught her so much more than Velvet ever could have, been her confidante for years. If Celestia couldn't get through to her, what hope did Velvet have?
She sighed and looked out the window at the green hills rushing by. Ponyville was coming closer.
...
The thought of Celestia made her smile, then made her frown. Celestia had tried to speak to her today. She had told her to go away. Celestia had been hurt, shocked. Better memories floated in her head. There was the time she had been sick, but trudged to lessons anyway. Celestia had sent her to bed and made her soup. That day had been spent with her sheltered in Celestia's wing while Celestia had told her stories. Celestia loved her. Upon further reflection, her parents loved her too. Her parents whom she wouldn't be making her weekly visits too this week. That was okay. They'd understand.
Her friends loved her. The friends she had just sent away.
It was too bad she didn't deserve their friendship.
It was too bad she didn't deserve love.
A smile spread across her face at the sight of the noose on the table.
It would all be over soon. One last meal and then...well, since the Princess didn't have the guts to do it, she would end herself. In ancient times (before Celestia banned the death penalty), the dark wizard was bound, blindfolded, their horn removed and they were publicly hanged. Twilight had always admired the ancient ones swift approach to justice. She had always agreed with the death penalty, especially for dark magic.
After all, magic was a tool for light. To pervert it was monstrous.
She was monstrous.
The tomato soup was done. Pouring herself a bowl, she sat down at the table and sipped it. She savored every drop of the sweet, savory soup. She relished the memories it brought up. When it was done, she walked over to the sink and washed the bowl out.
It was time.
She picked up the noose with her hooves, walked to the living room and positioned a stool next to her. Climbing up on the stool, she tied the rope to the ceiling fan and placed it around her neck.
She felt no sorrow, no despair. She was beyond such feelings. There was only profound relief as she prepared to leap.
"TWILIGHT SPARKLE!"
She froze, midway between life and death. Her mother had just walked into the library. For one strange moment they stared at each other. Velvet stood there, staring at her daughter. Her daughter, noose around her neck, stared back.
Velvet approached her slowly, like one would do with a frightened animal.
"Twilight...honey...I don't know what's going on, but...let's talk."
Twilight seemed to be frozen by indecision.
Velvet's horn lit up and her magic lifted the noose from around her neck. Twilight didn't move to stop her. Velvet came closer. Twilight came off the step and Velvet gathered her up in a hug. She began to weep on her mother's shoulder while Velvet deepened the embrace.
"I-I don't know what's wrong with me, Mommy." Twilight choked out.
Velvet stroked her mane. "Why Twilight? Why would you try to...to hurt yourself?" The tears she was trying to contain fell from her eyes. "Do you know what your death would have done to me? Your father and your brother? We'd be devastated."
Twilight sobbed. "I-I thought the world would be better off without me. I did something terrible."
"Celestia told me."
"You must hate me!" Twilight pushed Velvet away. "There's no way you can still love me-that anyone can still love me-after what I did!"
"Twilight, all Celestia said was that you cast a want it-need it spell. Yes, it was wrong, but there's no need to kill yourself over it!"
Velvet tried to hug Twilight again only this time she was pushed away.
"N-no. Go away!"
Velvet placed a hoof on her daughter's shoulder. This reminded her of so many tantrums her daughter had thrown when she was younger. "Twilight. I'm not going to leave you like this. I couldn't."
Twilight wiped at her eyes. "If I go on like this, I'll just hurt more and more ponies."
Velvet walked closer to Twilight. "If you go on like what? Twilight, I don't understand."
Twilight held her head. "Ever since Discord...and Nightmare Moon even..." She turned away, her tail swishing violently. "I've been having these thoughts."
"What kind of thoughts?"
"Thoughts about dark magic. Thoughts about hurting living things, draining other's magic...manipulating them." She laughed bitterly. "Do you know how easy it would be for a unicorn of my gifts? I could enslave entire nations."
"Is that what you want to do?"
Twilight shook her head. "No. Celestia, no. That's why I have to die. If I'm dead I can't hurt anyone."
Velvet shook her head. "What about Spike? That dragon is practically your son. Would you just leave him all alone?"
"He'd be okay. He's going to outlive me anyway."
"He's a baby, Twilight. What about Celestia? How do you think she'd feel about your death? How do you think Shining Armor would feel? Or your father? Or me?"
"It doesn't matter. What ponies feel doesn't matter."
"Twilight, look at me."
Twilight didn't turn.
"Twilight, please."
Velvet walked over so that she was facing Twilight. Twilight's eyes were completely bloodshot. Dark circles she hadn't noticed before hinted that Twilight had not been sleeping for a long time.
She extended a hoof and placed it on Twilight's cheek.
"Fist off, I still love you. Okay? So does Celestia. She was the one that sent me."
"How? How could anypony still love me?"
"Because I'm your mother Twilight and Celestia might as well be your second one. Everpony makes mistakes, but...I'm not sure if you were in your right mind when you made yours."
Twilight shook her head."What if I do it again? What if I do something worse next time?"
"Canterlot Medical's not that far away."
Twilight bit her lip. "Are you saying I need to be locked away in a psych ward?"
"Twilight. You need help. Think about this rationally. If you broke your hoof you'd go to the doctor wouldn't you?"
"Of course and I know where you're going-"
"You need help and you are going to the doctor."
"I..."
"I'm not giving you a choice." Velvet said firmly.
Twilight sighed. "Okay. Okay, I'll go."
Twilight followed Velvet as they walked to the front door.
"Let's go to Ponyville Medical Center. It's closer." Twilight said.
"As long as you get help."
They stepped out onto the street. It was a rather crowded day, but they made their way through the crowd. They trotted in silence till they reached the hospital. Twilight hesitated.
"I'm here. I'm right here with you." Velvet told her.
Twilight walked through the doors. Velvet went to the front desk to sign her in while Twilight took a seat.
...
"I just realized, Spike will be worried when he sees I'm gone." She mumbled to herself. She was slouching downward in her chair.
"I'll check up on him." Velvet promised.
Dr. Stable cleared his throat. "So, why don't you tell me what brings you here today?"
"Didn't you read my chart?" Twilight snapped.
"I did, but in these cases I like to hear from the patients themselves." He turned to Velvet. "Miss Velvet, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
"No. I told her I wouldn't leave her."
"Mommy-Mom -it's okay."
"Can't I stay?" Velvet asked.
"It's against policy, Ma'am."
"I'll be right outside the door, okay?" Velvet said. She stood and left the room, leaving Twilight alone with the doctor.
"I tried to hang myself.I...I've been thinking about killing myself for a while." Twilight said.
"How long have you had those thoughts?"
Twilight thought for a few moments. "Since the battle with Discord."
"Hmm...we can run a few tests for magical possession. Have you experienced any other symptoms? Hallucinations? Hearing voices?"
Twilight cut her eyes to the side and refused to speak.
"Miss Sparkle...I want to help you. To do that you have to be honest with me."
"I've been hearing voices." Twilight admitted in a small whisper.
"I see. I'm advising that you stay over for a twenty-four hour evaluation period."
Twilight didn't respond. Dr. Stable called Velvet back into the room and explained that Twilight would be staying. Velvet hugged Twilight and promised her that she would look after Spike.
...
"Nana, have you seen Twilight? Do you know where she is?"
The five mares gathered around her and Spike.
"This is Twilight's mom, Twilight Velvet." Spike introduced. The other mares introduced themselves.
"So, where is Twilight?" Applejack asked. "Spike sent a letter to the Princess, but she didn't know so he called us over. We looked over town and couldn't find her."
"Twilight's in the hospital."
"Oh my gosh!" Pinkie said. "We have to visit her! Maybe we can throw her a party to cheer her up!"
"What happened?" Fluttershy asked.
Velvet wondered if she should tell them. "Twilight is in the psychiatric hospital."
There were gasps and looks of concern from Twilight's friends.
"Wait, how'd she end up in a loony bin?" Dash asked, earning a surprisingly harsh glare from Pinkie Pie.
"It's called a psychiatric hospital, Dashie. It's NOT funny."
Everpony gave surprised glances to the pink pony who was definitely not laughing for once.
"Can we visit her?" Applejack asked.
"I think you can. I need to get home to Night Light. Spike, Twilight asked me to look after you so I suppose you'll have to come home with me."
"No way. I need to be here when Twilight comes back."
Velvet leaned down so her muzzle was at the level of Spike's mouth. "Spike, I know you're worried about Twilight. I am too, but there's nothing we can do for her right now. You can sleep in Twilight's old room. You still have that basket?"
"I do. I've never slept away from Twilight."
"You can sleep with me if you want."
"Okay, Nana." Spike leaned into her and Velvet gave him a nuzzle. "I want to visit Twilight too."
"Alright. We can do it together."
...
There was a knock at the door and the doctor walked in. "Twilight, you have some friends here to see you."
Twilight looked up from the book as her mother, Spike and friends walked in. Her eyes widened and she hurriedly stood.
"You told them?" Twilight hissed at her mother. Spike ran up and hugged her leg. Twilight hugged back and shot a glare at her mother.
"Simmer down, Sugarcube. We all wanted to know if you were okay." Applejack said. She walked up and nuzzled her. Twilight soon found herself enveloped in a group hug from all her friends, Spike and her mom.
Twilight felt herself begin to cry again as she returned the hug. "What you all must think of me..."
"We think you need help just like you've helped us in the past-like we've all helped each other at one time or another." Applejack said. "I'll bring you some fresh apple fritters tomorrow."
"Do you suppose they'll let me put up some decorations? That would do wonders for your mood." Rarity said.
"I-I don't-" Twilight was about to say till Pinkie interrupted her.
"Oh, what kind of cake do you want for your party when you get out?" Pinkie asked.
"Um, vanilla?" Twilight ventured.
"Hey! I know what would cheer you up!" Dash announced. "I mean they put you in here cause you tried to off yourself right? So, I bet a personal flying show would cheer you up! I'll have to work on it though." She gave a whirl in midair.
Twilight gave a tentative smile at Dash's antics. "I'd like that. Can you maybe do the Filly Flash? Have I ever told you how much I like that one?"
"Ooh, or maybe I can bring you over a bunny! Or a stuffed animal? I have one for when I have nightmares."
"Oh...oh, you guys!" Twilight began to cry. "Thank you! I don't deserve friends like you!"
"Yeah you do, Twi." Applejack told her, giving her a pat on the back. "Look at all we've gone through together. We beat Discord. We'll get through this too."
Twilight hugged them and they all nuzzled and embraced her. There was plans made of what kind of party Pinkie would throw, Twilight and Applejack talked about the harvest coming in (Twilight promised to be out in time to help Applejack with it), Fluttershy told a story about a new baby bear getting into some honey that had Twilight laughing for the first time in days. Hours passed and soon visiting time was over. Spike didn't want to leave and Twilight didn't want him to leave either so the doctor said Spike could say. Night fell and Twilight reclined on the bed. Spike could barely sleep without his basket, but Twilight's soft fur made a great substitute. As Twilight laid there, with Spike by her side, memories of her friend's laughter still in her ears, Twilight felt that maybe she was going to be alright.
Author's Note
I have no idea how psychiatric hospitals work. I could have gotten a few things wrong.
Twilight Sparkle was standing on a plain ringed by softly sloping hills. The sky stretched out above her, an expanse of stars and rolling constellations. The grass was cool beneath her hooves. In the distance crickets chirped. Beginning to trot she tried to remember how she had gotten there. Hadn't she been somewhere else? The light of a full moon bathed the plain in a silvery light. The grass was high, tickling her fetlocks which were unshorn for some reason. She blushed. The first thing she did in the morning was to shave her fetlocks as almost all civilized ponies did. She couldn't remember doing that this morning. Nor could she remember having woken up. Most frustratingly of all she couldn't remember how she had gotten here. An owl hooted from somewhere in the distance. The shadow of a bird flew past the moon. The plain seemed to stretch endlessly before her as she trotted across its surface. In the glimmer of the moonlight she made out a lake. Thirst parched the back of her throat so she leaned down and began to drink.
The sweet taste of the water was heavenly to her throat. She lifted her head and looked around her. There was no indication of how far she had traveled. She wasn't sure how long she had been traveling. It could have been minutes or hours. Still, the green plains stretched out endlessly before her. After drinking once more from the lake she continued her journey to wherever it was she was going. She had no sense that she was going anywhere, though. She was just wandering aimlessly. A wind blew through the grass carrying with it sweet scents of rye and zoysia. Those were her favorite kinds of grass. Princess Celestia enjoyed it as well and had prepared her a meal of it. Ever since then those had been Twilight's favorites. Still, civilized unicorns didn't eat grass from the root. On the other hoof, nopony was watching. She bent down her head and began to graze. The sweet and bitter flavors mingled together on her tongue as she bit into it. She had never grazed before, never felt any need to. The grass was incredibly fresh and she began to wonder if her ancestors didn't have the right idea. Just as she had her entire muzzle dug into the earth she felt somepony come up behind her. Her ears twitched.
"Good evening, Lady Twilight Sparkle. Enjoying yourself?" A rich, cultured voice asked behind her. Twilight turned around. The princess of the night was standing in front of her, her starry mane floating in an ethereal wind.
Twilight spat out some of the grass and knelt.
"No need to be so formal, Lady Twilight." Luna told her. Twilight rose.
"This is a dream."
"Yes. I thought you should have a happy dream tonight after your earlier turmoil."
Twilight's ears drooped. "You know about that?"
"Yes. Your mother told Celestia."
"Then Celestia..." Twilight felt the familiar waves of panic building up in her.
"Yes, my sister knows about it. She is quite distraught."
Twilight avoided Luna's gaze, staring down at the ground like a filly about to be scolded. "Can you tell her I'm sorry for what I said earlier? I'm sorry about a lot of things."
"She intends to visit you. Lady Twilight, I'm afraid I need to tell you something unpleasant."
"What is it?"
"I was examining your mind and there is some damage. It is not possession or a curse, but it is certainly damage."
"What kind of damage?" Twilight asked.
"The kind inflicted by emotional trauma. If I had to guess, it is the result of your battle with Discord. There are still effects of his magic upon your mind."
"What can I do about it?"
"I would advise doing whatever the doctors tell you to. My sister forced me to go to a therapist and it worked wonders."
Twilight sighed. "So, I have to stay for a while?"
"I would advise it."
Twilight nodded. "I understand. Thanks for the dream. It's nice."
A smile tugged at Luna's lips. "You're welcome Lady Twilight."
She vanished. Twilight continued her walk, enjoying the cool breeze, the feel of the grass upon her hooves.
...
"Mrs. Sparkle, it is time for breakfast. Get washed up."
"Okay." Twilight said, still feeling rather tired. She walked to the bathroom and washed her face. Her hairbrush was at home, but she found a comb in the medicine cabinet of the bathroom. She ran it through her mane a few times. Spike hopped on her back as she walked from the room. Outside of the room, the nurses were lining up the other patients for breakfast. Some patients were excitedly chatting to each other. Others kept silent. One red stallion was staring at her, causing her to shudder and move close to a purple mare she recognized as Berry Punch. Berry avoided looking at her. They walked at a steady pace to the cafeteria. The smell of hay pancakes greeted her. After getting some she sat down next to Berry.
"Sparkle? What are you doing here?"
"I um...well I..." Twilight muttered something incomprehensible.
Berry chuckled. "C'mon. We're all in the same boat. I'm in rehab."
"I tried to kill myself."
"Whoa. I had an uncle that did that. So, being the Princess's star student got to be too much for ya?"
Twilight frowned. There had never been a single moment that she had regretted being Celestia's student. "No, not exactly. I don't want to talk about it." She gave a rather vicious bite to her pancakes.
"Well, we're going to have to. After breakfast we have group counseling."
Twilight inwardly groaned. She hated talking about her feelings.
On the other hoof, she reflected, that's how she ended up here.
"So, how'd you get here?" She asked Berry.
"The guards found me passed out in a ditch. My husband made me come." Her voice took on a serious tone. "I have to get sober for my daughter. You got anypony you care about? Like, really care about?"
Twilight placed a hoof on Spike's head by way of answering.
"Your pet? I didn't think they let pets in here."
"I'm not a pet." Spike said, looking up from his pancakes.
"Holy shit, you talk?" Berry asked.
Twilight glared at her.
"Er sorry, little guy." Berry said.
"There are a lot of ponies I care about. And a lot that care about me." Twilight said, deciding to let Berry's comment go. "I just...forgot that for a little while."
"I understand that feeling. I get sad sometimes for no reason. The doc calls it bipolar. It's why I drink."
"I've read about it."
They continued to chat until breakfast was done. After breakfast Twilight told Spike he should go back to the library. He refused. Twilight said he could come back in the evening, but she needed him to go redo the shelves. Ever eager to serve he agreed. They hugged once before he left. The nurses led them to group therapy. Group therapy was split up into different meetings. Twilight was in the morning group with ten other ponies. Six were mares, four were stallions, seven were earth ponies, one pegasii, two unicorns, consistent with Ponyville demographics.
"Good morning, everypony." Doctor Unsicker said. He was an old, grey pony with a perpetually concerned look on his face. "There's some new faces this morning. Let's introduce ourselves."
They introduced themselves and each one shared why they were there. Twilight discovered she wasn't the only who'd attempted suicide. In fact, she was the third. Twilight felt herself relax as they all shared their stories. Rain Squall, the pegasus, had anxiety issues. She had managed to go a month without any panic attacks. Everypony clapped for her. Finally, the therapist got to Twilight.
"Why did you attempt suicide?" He asked.
"I felt guilt over a spell I'd cast. It was a want it-need it spell. Remember that riot two days ago? I caused it."
"Why did you cast the spell?"
"I'm Princess Celestia's student. She expects me to-or I thought she expected me to-send her a letter on what I've learned about friendship every week. I didn't learn anything. I had nothing to send." At the memories she felt herself begin to shake. The therapist placed a hoof on her shoulders. "I panicked. I had delusions that she'd send me back to magic kindergarten. Looking back it just sounds so...insane. Silly, even. I've been her student for years and the harshest punishment I've ever gotten from her was being sent to the corner when I was a filly."
"Have you over-reacted like that in the past?"
Twilight thought back. She had always been prone to anxiety, but she'd never reacted like that. "No. Not that badly."
"Has anything changed in your life really?"
"I became an Element Bearer."
"You fought Discord recently, didn't you?"
"Yes."
"Can you tell me what that was like?"
Twilight thought back. Discord's reign had been brief, but memorable. The town she'd come to love turned literally upside down. Her friend's personalities completely reversed. The world gone mad.
"The world stopped making sense." Twilight said. "I...I've always believed in order. Discipline. I'm alpha-level. I have to strictly control my magic. He turned the world to chaos. Nothing made sense. I just...I..."
"You what, Twilight?" The doctor asked in a gentle tone.
"...I wanted the world to make sense again." She laid her head in her hooves. "I wanted my friends back. I wanted my home back."
"When you wrote letters to the Princess, did it assure you that everything was back to the way it was supposed to be? Often after trauma, we latch on to rituals. We feel that if we don't perform those rituals something terrible will happen."
"I've never thought of it like that."
The therapist had to give the others a chance to speak. During the session Twilight thought about what he'd said. Was that why sending the letters had become so important? After all, Celestia had never told her she needed to send a weekly letter. It was just something she had started doing.
When the session ended Twilight decided to go back to her room and continue reading Fruit's Interpretation of Dreams. A nurse knocked on the door and informed her she had a visitor. Princess Celestia walked in. Twilight put down the book and ran to her, greeting her with a hug. Celestia hugged her back.
"Princess, I'm so sorry-"
Celestia put a hoof to her lips and embraced her with her wings. Twilight nestled into the warmth.
"Twilight, you're not the one who should be apologizing."
"But, I was so mean to you."
"Yes and I was hurt. But I should have seen that you were hurting. I almost lost you. Please forgive me. I shouldn't have left you alone."
Twilight shook her head. "No. I should have opened up to you. You're my mentor. I trust you with my life and should have know you'd have helped me."
"I would have helped you. Gods, Twilight, I love you like a daughter. Your mother told me you almost killed yourself over that want it-need it spell incident. Instead of trying to figure out what was wrong then I immediately scolded you. Another failure. Once again, I failed a pony I was supposed to care for."
Twilight wrapped her hooves around her. "Princess, you had every right to scold me. I crossed a line. You have never failed me."
"I should have done something, anything, to make sure you were okay."
"Isn't that why you came by the library yesterday? To make sure I was okay?"
"Well, yes." Celestia admitted. "I should have stayed."
"Princess, I believe it was you who told me we have to move on from our mistakes. You had no idea what I was going to do. And you sent my mother. If you hadn't, well, I wouldn't be here right now."
Celestia released her from the embrace. "You are right of course. But it is difficult to move on from our mistakes. By the way, I was wondering if you would like some tea and company."
"Well, sure, but I don't know how you'd make tea in here."
"Twilight, I once prepared tea for an entire platoon in a desert during a campaign of the Minotaur Wars."
Celestia used her magic to open her saddle bags. She brought out two cups, a tea bag and a thermos of water. Twilight watched in awe as she used magic to boil the water and pour two cups of tea. Twilight took hers in her magic and they sat on the bed. The tea was delicious, a soothing warmth that calmed both her mind and her body. They spent the next few hours talking and reminiscing.
With A Little Help From My Friends
Author's Note
I know Lesson Zero happened before Read It and Weep, but let's say the show isn't in chronological order.
With A Little Help From My Friends
Celestia stayed with Twilight for almost two hours. Curled up together on the bed, they talked of things that had happened during the week and reminisced over the old days. Twilight snuggled beneath her mentor's wing and realized she couldn't recall why she had wanted to kill herself. Celestia gave her a squeeze with her wing as she finished up a story about a mishap Luna had had with trying to use a microwave. Twilight laughed, a sound she'd thought she wouldn't make for a while.
"I'm sorry, Twilight." Celestia told her suddenly. "Duty calls. I have a meeting with the Donkeyan ambassador. Will you...will you be alright by yourself?" She made no move to leave. "If you want me to stay I will. Luna can take care of the ambassador."
Twilight nuzzled her, relishing the soft feel of her warm fur against her face. "I think I'll be alright. Thank you."
Celestia nuzzled her neck. "Alright. Just know I'll always be here for you. You do know that, right?"
"I do. I'll be alright."
Celestia hesitated, but finally rose. She gave Twilight one more affectionate nuzzle and trotted out the door. Twilight stretched out on the bed. The sheets were rumpled so Twilight hopped off, stripped the sheets from the bed and began to methodically pull the sheet back over the bed. It still didn't look quite right. There were still ruffles and creases.
Frowning deeply, she used her hooves to smooth down the sheets. It still didn't look right. She audibly growled and ripped the sheets off the bed, deciding to start all over again.
Once more she spread the sheet on the bed. Deciding to use magic, she lit her horn and pulled each corner of the sheet and tucked them in. It still didn't look right to her. If anything, there seemed to be more creases. That didn't seem to be possible, but it didn't change the fact that there seemed to be hundreds of little creases.
That wouldn't do, that wouldn't do at all. She ran her hooves over the bed attempting to smooth out any creases. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't seem to get it entirely smooth. She leaned against the clinically white wall and stared at the bed. She trotted around the bed over and over again. Each time she did there seemed to be more creases.
She placed her hooves on the bed, feeling the soft material of the sheets. She muttered to herself as she realized the problem. Each time she ran her hooves over the bed to smooth down some of the ruffles, the movement made other ruffles pop up.
Once more she stripped the sheets. This time she'd just have to be more careful. Slowly, methodically, she took the right corners of the sheet in her magic. Then she stretched them over the mattress. There were several crinkles in the bed, but she ignored them. For now anyway. Then, she took the left corners. Even more slowly, making sure to carefully measure it, she stretched the sheets over the corners of the bed.
There was one giant ruffle in the center of the bed. She used her magic to spread it out. But now, there were thousands of ruffles again. Twilight decided that she had no choice but to start all over again.
She repeated taking the sheets off the bed again and spreading it out. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't seem to make the sheets look right.
After the tenth attempt, she stood back from it. She could make out hundreds of ruffles and creases. They covered the bed, scattered upon it in disorderly rows. It occurred to Twilight that the room was far too white. The walls were almost blinding when the sun shone upon them. Even the bookshelf was white. It was as if whoever had designed this room had felt that white had some sort of healing power for the mentally ill.
The problem with the sun shining on the walls was solved by Twilight letting down the white blinds. Twilight laughed. Of course the blinds were white. Of course they were. What other color would they be?
Off the top of her head, Twilight thought of several shades of pink that the the blinds could be. Pink was a nice, pretty color. She wondered if she'd been spending too much time around Rarity.
She ripped the white sheets from the white bed. They slammed against the white walls. Taking them in her magic, she mercilessly shook them, trying to straighten out every ruffle and crinkle. After shaking them for at least five minutes she laid them back on the bed and tucked it back in.
An infinite number of ruffles and creases were still scattered on the bed, like the waves of the sea. Twilight laid her head down on the mattress and wished that Princess Celestia hadn't left. Most of her life had been spent as a recluse. She hadn't needed others.
No, that wasn't true. She'd had a loving and supportive herd. Her parents, Celestia, Cadence, Shining Armor, Spike. So many. Never before had she been truly alone. Now, falling apart in this overly-white room, she was.
Why am I falling apart? Why? Why? Why?
Tears stung her eyes. The color white didn't normally bother her. Celestia's coat was white and she had the most beautiful coat in the world. Rarity's coat was white or was it a light grey? In any case, Twilight had always thought Rarity had a very pretty coat.
The sudden tangent surprised her. Normally, she was never distracted from a task. Forcing her mind to return to her task, she examined the crinkled, messy sheet from every angle.
It was a source of disorder. It would simply have to go. She tugged the sheets off and hid them under the bed. Now, she would need to do something about the walls. Perhaps, a paint spell would do. Something like violet or pink. There was a knock on the door, interrupting her train of thought.
"Miss Sparkle, you have visitors." The nurse called before opening the door. Her friends crowded into the room.
Twilight released the spell she had been building up in her horn then turned and grinned. "Rarity! Just the pony I needed!"
Rarity gave her a strange look. "Um, yes Darling?"
"You must know thousands of interior decorating spells."
"Well, more like a few hundred. What can I do for you?"
"The walls are too white, not that I don't like white, but not too much white you know. If we work together we can get it done faster! We can paint the whole room, just need to put our horns together."
Rarity placed a hoof on Twilight’s shoulder. The others shared concerned glances. “I would love to help you, Darling, but perhaps you’d feel more up to decorating if you had some snacks first.”
Applejack stepped forward, carrying a load of apple brown betties atop her back. The sweet smell of the pastry wafted through the room. "I made enough for everypony and one extra for you, Twi."
The scent of apples and cinnamon was enough to make Twilight's mouth water.
"Oh, thank you Applejack!" She exclaimed, nuzzling the farmer. She found herself enveloped in the warmth of a group hug.
"Are you doing all right, Twilight?" Fluttershy asked.
"I am now." Twilight answered. She hugged them all, enjoying the warm feeling of their fur against hers.
"Alright, let's eat, then we can do some decoratin'." Applejack said.
Twilight levitated over an apple brown betty and bit into it. The flavors exploded on her tongue and she couldn't help but audibly moan in pleasure. The sentiment was echoed by her friends as they chomped on the sweets.
"You have got to show me how you make this, Applejack!" Pinkie Pie said.
"Can I be the taste tester?" Dash asked as she swallowed the last bite of hers and licked her hoof.
"Sure ya can, Dashie!"
Twilight smiled at her friends and took the extra apple brown betty in her magic. This one was just as good as the other one. She savored it, taking delicate, little bites and letting the flavors swirl around in her mouth. The taste of the cinnamon tingled on her lips and mixed pleasantly with the sweetness of the apples.
"Hey, I thought I'd get you something." Dash told her, pulling a book from her saddlebag. "I remember how bored I was in the hospital so I got you something to take your mind off it. It's the new Daring Do." She hoofed Twilight the book. Emblazoned on the cover was the heroic, brown pegasus flying from a collapsing temple. The cover read, "Daring Do and the Lost Sunstone."
Twilight took it in her hooves. She had been planning on getting this book. It had been due to be released yesterday. "This is the new Daring Do book. How did you get it?"
"Stayed in line all last night." Dash explained, yawning.
"Oh, Dash...you didn't have to." Twilight said.
Dash shrugged. "I'm your friend, right?"
Twilight embraced the pegasus who patted her on the back.
"This is touching and all, but I wanted to show you some new moves I'd been working on. That should cheer you up."
"I'd love to see it."
Dash broke off the hug and took to the air, flapping out of the room. Twilight and the others followed her. Twilight had to show her where the entrance to the outside area was. This part of the hospital was surrounded by a sprawling meadow. Rose bushes were planted all around, sending up a sweet scent. The roses were blooming in shades of pinks and reds and yellows.
A patch of yellow daffodils were swaying in the breeze. Birds were singing in an ancient, gnarled oak tree that spread its branches over the meadow as if it were protecting it and all that dwelt within from harm. Twilight had heard the oak tree referred to as "Father Oak" by the nurses and she agreed with the nickname. The oak was a fatherly, protective presence.
The whole area was designed to create a sense of peace and it worked. The patients were encouraged to come here often as nature was known to have a healing power over the mind. Dash landed on the ground and stretched out. After stretching out her wings she darted into the air and started a series of loop-de-loops. Like a tornado, she spun, picking up speed. Winds blew all around her as she reached a crescendo. Then she darted downward. Twilight gasped, afraid that Dash had made a mistake and was falling.
At the last possible second, Dash changed course, flared her wings and soared only inches above the ground. Rather than landing, she corkscrewed upwards, spinning into the air. For several minutes, all that could be seen of her were flashes of rainbow against the blue sky. She dived and corkscrewed, flying in intricate patterns. From down below, her friends clapped and cheered.
Many of the patients and doctors who were outside stopped what they were doing and stood to watch Dash's show. Dash was now soaring in an elaborate pattern of large loops, each loop leaving a rainbow after image. Suddenly, Dash changed her flight pattern and charged straight through the loops.
An explosion of color followed in her wake. Even the branches of the great oak shook. Everypony stared in awe as the aftershocks of the sonic rainboom dissipated, leaving behind a rainbow that vibrantly shone against the blue sky. The crowd, including Twilight, erupted into applause. Dash slowly descended to the ground and was greeted by her friends rushing up to her.
"That was amazing!" Pinkie proclaimed, bouncing around her.
"Yeah, baby, I know it." Dash said, winking at her. "So, did it cheer you up, Egghead?"
Twilight's first response was that while the show did lift her spirits, it wasn't enough to entirely erase the issues she was facing. But instead she smiled.
"Yeah, Dash. It did."
"Great! Cause, you know..." Dash shuffled her hoof. "I really do hope you get better."
"Thanks, Dash." Twilight said, her smile growing.
"So, Darling, what was it you were saying about painting the walls?" Rarity asked. "Because I do admit that the walls were a bit dull. Perhaps some nice drapes?"
"You know what, Rarity? Let's not decorate. I don't want to stay too long."
"Are you sure? I could at least spruce up the place."
"I'm sure, Rarity."
Twilight's head felt clearer with the sun warming her back, the fresh grass beneath her hooves and her friends here with her. She closed her eyes and took in the scents of the earth.
"I think I'd like to stay out here for a while."
"Anypony up for a game of tag?" Pinkie Pie asked.
The others readily agreed although Dash needed to go inside to get a drink of water from the fountain. When she came back she received a sharp smack on the rump from Pinkie who called "you're it, Dashie!"
Dash took off through the meadow as her friends chased after her. Pinkie somehow managed to convince the other patients and even the nurses and doctors to take part in the game. Twilight lept ahead and tagged Dash.
Dash grinned and began chasing after her. She reached out her hoof only for Twilight to vanish in a flash of light. She reappeared several feet away and cantered from Applejack's grasp. Rarity finally tagged her, then got tagged by Pinkie. After several rounds of the game (with Pinkie as undisputed tag champion) they decided to go back inside.
The sun was setting below the horizon, the game of tag having taken several hours. Visiting hours were coming to an end. Twilight sent her friends off with one more group hug. She had a feeling she'd be getting lots of hugs over the next few days, not that she was complaining. Only Pinkie stayed in her room. For once in her life, she seemed at a loss for words.
"Pinkie? Are you okay?" Twilight asked.
"This room's bigger than the room they had back in the psychiatric ward I was in." She said. Then she forced a grin. "I'm almost jealous."
Twilight blinked. "You were in a psych ward?"
Pinkie nodded. "It's not always easy being Pinkie. I tried to kill myself too."
Twilight's lips parted in surprise.
"I was fifteen. It was after my first break-up. I'd fallen in love with a colt in the village. We had a great thing going. Or I thought we did." She took a deep shuddering breath. "He apparently didn't think so because he dumped me. I found a bunch of Granny's sleeping pills and took them all at one. My mama found me and took me to the hospital. I was a wreck and in for about a month. I was worse than you. I had a full psychotic breakdown."
"Oh Gods, Pinkie." Twilight said, putting a hoof on her shoulder. "I'd have never known."
"I'm better now." She placed a hoof on Twilight's shoulder. "You're going to get better too."
Then she turned and left. Twilight sat on the bed and used her magic to pull out the sheet. Maybe she'd get it right this time. Then deciding against it she went back outside for the evening meditation.
The meditation room smelled strongly of sandalwood. Two candles on the altar burned bright. A radio played soothing chants. Due to the multitribal nature of the hospital ward, the chants used alternated from the Celestial Hymns of the Unicorns to Earth Pony Psalms. A Pegasii sky prayer was currently playing. The woodwind instruments imitated the rush of the wind as a melodic chant came from a pegasii singer. Twilight was seated, her head raised. She followed the directions of the instructor breathing in and out, trying to keep her mind completely empty.
It was easier said than done. Her mind was constantly racing, constantly planning out every step, constantly worrying about what could go wrong. The instructor had encouraged them to focus on an image when their mind tried to wander. The first image that had come to mind was the sun or at least the stylized sun that was on Celestia's personal standard. She tried to avoid thinking about why that might be. Putting aside any fillyhood crushes that may or may not linger on, she focused on the sun as the sky prayer came to an end with the singer holding onto a long note as the the flutes came to an end. A bell sounded, ending the meditation session.
The instructor rose and the class rose in turn. The instructor serenely smiled. "May peace follow you all your days. I look forward to seeing you next session."
The class dismissed, they trailed out. Twilight trotted back to bed. After the meditation session, her mind was relaxed and calm. She slid into bed. The creases were still there. She tried to ignore them, but it was too much. The creases were everywhere. She got off the bed and summoned magic to smooth it out. Only a few creases were left...
Her thoughts trailed off. Her own mind could not be trusted. The idea frightened her. Her perceptions were entirely off. She couldn't be sure that the sheets were truly as wrinkled as she was perceiving them to be. Besides, the occasional creases on a sheet had never bothered her before. She pulled back the sheets and slid under the covers. Closing her eyes, she tried to sleep. Her mind began to race again. She breathed and focused on Celestia's mark. Slowly, her thoughts began to calm and, at last, sleep claimed her.
...
In order to assure him, she had told the group that she was feeling better since a visit from her friends. Then, she shared that she had nearly had an anxiety attack over the sheets of her bed being creased. Rain Squall had told her about some breathing exercises she used to stave off anxiety attacks. She had nearly had one the day before, but was able to talk herself down from it.
Twilight memorized the breathing technique Rain Squall showed her. If there was anything she was good at, it was learning something new. After she got out, she decided she was going to do a study of advanced meditation techniques. She had studied it before, but had started to slack off on meditating since she found it extraordinarily difficult to calm her mind. After group therapy, she had free time. She thought about going outside, but today a rain storm had been planned. Grey clouds were already gathering as Twilight glanced outside the window of the therapy room. A roll of thunder sounded and rain poured down. Twilight looked away from the window and decided to return to her room.
She was glad Dash had gotten her the new Daring Do book. This one was particularly action packed and was a welcome distraction from Twilight's current problems. The adventuring pegasus had gone to the Sacred City of the Llamas to retrieve an ancient idol from a ruined temple. The idol had a map inside of it that led to a super weapon fueled by splitting atoms and a nefarious organization wanted to get a hold of it.
Perfect nonsense, of course. Everypony knew atoms couldn't be split. Still, Twilight enjoyed the escape from reality. She trotted back to her room, settled on her bed and flipped the book open. Daring had met a stallion while traveling through the Llama Kingdom. Twilight wondered if he was going to become a love interest.
It would be something to discuss with Dash when they had their next Daring Do book club meeting. Dash hated sappy romances, but Twilight had a secret soft spot for them. The rain tapped on to the window pane while Twilight became engrossed in the novel. It reminded Twilight of happier times when rainy days were spent curled up with a good book, sometimes with her big brother who liked to read books on military history. Sometimes, she would curl up next to her mom who also shared a love for reading.
She remembered asking her mom to read with her, not because she couldn't read the book herself, but because it felt more special to read with her.
Twilight smiled at the memories. She felt a tug on her horn and put the book down. Another, powerful unicorn was coming down the hall. Unicorns who were on the same level could feel a resonance with others. She sensed that this unicorn was male. He was also very powerful, crackling with enough energy to rival her own. He also seemed to be about to lose control of his powers, as if caught up in the grip of some strong emotion. The stallion's magic was twisting, warped, verging on the brink of tuning into the darker frequencies of magic. Beside him, was the unmistakable signature of an alicorn.
The book dropped from her hooves. She recognized both signatures. Had her brother suddenly turned into a warlock since she had last seen him? There was enough anger in his magic to fuel a megaspell that could level several city blocks.
She had never felt such anger from him. Cadence was holding back, but her turmoil was more along the lines of sorrow and confusion.
She braced herself as the nurse knocked on the door and trotted in. "You have visitors, Miss Sparkle."
Twilight nodded. "Send them in."
Shining marched inside, Cadence coming in beside him. He was frowning. His muscles were rigid, almost shaking. An aura of pure anger emanated from him. Twilight gulped. She hadn't seen him this mad since her first coltfriend dumped her. And his anger had never been directed at her. She rose from the bed and stood on the floor.
Cadence laid a hoof on Shining's shoulder.
Shining shook it off as he marched up to Twilight. "Twilight Aurora Sparkle. What the actual fuck were you thinking?!" He roared. Her ears folded back at the scolding and she stepped several paces back.
"Shining!" Cadence put herself between the two siblings. "Don't yell at her!" She reached out a hoof and ran it through Twilight's mane like she had when she'd been a filly. "What your brother is trying to say is that we all care about you and we're...we're worried about you. We just...we just want to understand."
Twilight held her former foalsitter's hoof. "Cadence, let him say what he needs to say. Maybe I need to hear it."
Cadence removed her hoof. "If you say so, Ladybug."
Shining placed both of his hooves on her shoulders and stared into his sister's eyes. Twilight felt a sudden twinge of pity for any guard under her brother's command. "You know I love you, don't you Twilight?"
Twilight nodded and leaned into her brother, comforted by the familiar scent of sweat and grass that clinged to him. "Of course I do. I love you to Shiny."
"So, you know I'm saying this in a spirit of love." He kept his hooves on her shoulders. "What you did was sheer stupidity. No excuses. If you really had a problem, you could have gone to anypony. Your friends. The Princess. Mom, Dad. Cadence." His voice shook. "Me. "
"Shining, I know that." She shook her mane. "You have to understand. I wasn't in my right mind. I thought that the world would be better off without me."
He drew her into a fierce, nearly bone-shattering embrace. "My world wouldn't have been." She wrapped her forelegs around him. "Twilight, I made a vow when you were born. When I first held you in my forelegs, I vowed to the Gods that I would protect you. That I would keep you safe. I'm a protector-I can't help it, it's what I am. Remember, how I used to protect you from bullies? I don't know how to protect you from this. I'm sorry, I don't. It makes me frustrated." He was shaking. She realized he was crying. "I'm sorry, Twily. I've buried my best friends after a battle. But that's war. It's what you expect. I didn't expect for my little sister to nearly kill herself. It scared me."
She wiped away his tears. "I'm sorry."
He let her free of the embrace. "I'm the one that's sorry, Twily. I'm being a huge jerk and I'm just making you feel worse."
"Kind of." Cadence muttered.
"No, you're not." Twilight said. "I think I needed to hear that. I didn't think about how I might hurt the ponies I love by...by hurting myself." She turned to Cadence. "I need to say something to you too, Cadence."
Cadence trotted up to her and placed a hoof on her shoulder. "What?"
"I need to apologize. The spell I used to enchant the doll?" She paused. "Mom told you two everything, didn't she?"
"She did. And I already know. I forgive you." She unfurled her wings and wrapped Twilight up in a soft embrace.
Twilight snuggled into her chest. "It was your spell for spreading love and I took it and twisted it into something vile. How could you forgive me?" She felt tears welling up in her eyes.
Cadence wiped them away with a feather, lightly tickling Twilight's cheek. "I've made plenty of mistakes in my life, Twilight. If I can't forgive, I can hardly expect others to forgive me when I err. And I know you're not a bad pony. You were just...you just made a bad choice." She tilted up Twilight's chin. "I forgive you, Ladybug. Can you forgive yourself?"
She nuzzled Cadence's hoof. "It's going to take a while."
"Forgiving oneself always does. Forgiveness is a long road." She looked around the room. "So, do you still like lemon poppy seed muffins? I know this great place in Canterlot."
Twilight hesitated. "I don't think I'm quite ready to leave yet. And I just had breakfast."
Cadence smiled. "That's alright. What do you want to do?"
"Well, maybe, we could take a walk outside. Is it still raining?" She looked out the window. The storm had passed, but there were still grey clouds looming.
Cadence looked out as well. "We could still take a walk. Some fresh air would do you good."
"I'd like that."
Together, Twilight, Cadence and Shining left the room, Twilight between them.
The earth always smelled so good just after the rains had passed. The grass felt refreshing against Twilight's hooves as she trotted in the meadow beside Cadence and Shining Armor. She stood just in between them as they walked past the oak tree. The sky was still steely grey, large silvery storm clouds looming down over them. They kept walking in silence, enjoying the cool feeling of the wet grass as it swished against their legs.
It reminded Twilight of the happy days of her foalhood, walking in between her brother and her foalsitter as they walked through Canterlot. Unlike now, Twilight would chat away about the things she had learned or some new book she had read. While a silence had descended over the three as they walked through the rain-drenched grassland Twilight did not feel unhappy. Still, she found herself unable to speak. Not unhappy was the perfect description of her mood.
Shining laid a hoof on her shoulder."Awful quiet, Twily. You okay?"
Twilight smiled up at him. "Getting better all the time."
"Good. Just focus on that."
Twilight nodded. "So, had any fun adventures lately?"
"Nothing particularly exciting. Well, I saw Discord when he was in the castle. He was one scary son-of-a-nag."
Twilight shuddered at her memories of that misshapen demon. "Did he hurt you?"
"He cast a spell over all the guards. It was like walking through fog. We didn't know where we were, who we were. Our minds were completely blank."
Shining closed his eyes and breathed heavily as he recalled walking through a fog without a name, without direction, without purpose. "It's something he likes to do, isn't it? Twist the mind."
"That does seem to be his strategy. The Guards are all about direction and a single, shared purpose. Take that away and you've robbed them of their very being."
Shining grit his teeth at the memories. The demon had laughed, mocked him. Those yellow eyes had haunted his dreams for weeks after that. That hellish laughter had still rang in his ears for a week. Twilight and Cadence shared a quick glance and Twilight placed a hoof on her brother's shoulder. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, I just..." The frustrating thing about walking through the fog was that nauseating sense of absence, that something important was missing, ripped away. The absence had been a torment. He became aware of his sister rubbing his shoulder and his marefriend giving him a concerned look. "Twilight, Cadence. I'm not going to say I'm fine. Hell, I'll give you the name of my therapist."
Twilight shrugged. "I like Doctor Unsicker."
"Twilight, did you have nightmares afterward?"
She nodded. "Yeah. I was trapped in pitch blackness and I could see his eyes staring down at me, hear this horrible screeching laughter." The shivering came back and Cadence slid a comforting wing across her back.
"I had the nightmares too." He paused and sat down beneath a willow tree. The green branches swayed over his white fur, tickling him. Twilight sat down beside him and Cadence sat down on his other side. "They were the same as yours. Pitch blackness, yellow eyes, demonic laughter. Do you think it's his soul contacting us, still trying to torture us?"
Twilight bit her lip in thought. "No, I don't. I asked the Princess and she said Discord can't contact anyone when he's in stone. I think it's regular post-traumatic stress disorder."
"You don't sound convinced."
"That's because I'm not. I could ask the others if they've had nightmares too. And with me? Let's face it. I've always been just one slip from going over the edge. Probably why it affected me so bad."
Shining wrapped a foreleg around her. "Hey, that's not true."
Twilight snorted. "You've known me my whole life. Have I ever been stable? I have so much power deep inside of me. I struggle to control it, but the truth is I've always felt these dark whispers from...somewhere. There's always been that temptation. With Discord? Discord is chaos, no barriers, no restraints." Her eyes widened. "Do you know how terrifying that idea is for me? He almost got to me. Those barriers were slipping..." She choked up. "I felt such despair, Shining. There was no hope left. And when those barriers nearly slipped I saw what I could be without them. I didn't like what I saw."
Shining wiped a stray tear that had trailed down her cheek. Thunder rolled in the distance. "I hate that part of myself. The ruthless part that desires to increase my power above all else. I have to control it. But my control slipped and...I did something terrible. I violated the minds of others." She rested her face in her hooves. "Oh, God, Shiny, what have I become?"
Shining lifted her head. "You are what you've always been. My little sister that I love."
Twilight couldn't meet his eyes. "I want to believe that. Dark magic taints the soul, though."
Cadence patted her back. "Twilight. One slip up is not going to permanently taint your soul. Some of the greatest minds in magical history experimented with dark magic."
"It's not the same. It's not." Tears welled up in her eyes. "I thought I was getting better. Why is this coming back?"
Thunder rolled through the sky and an arc of azure lightning blazed from the clouds.
Shining activated a shield that kept out the torrents of rain that began pouring down. "It'll take time, Twilight. It'll take time."
The rain fell down hard on the shield. Twilight leaned into her brother. "I want to go back to my room. I need to rest."
"Sure?"
Twilight smiled through her tears. "Yes. But thank you for visiting me. It means a lot. I'm just getting tired. A lot of stuff, y'know? I need to think."
"Okay, Twilight."
The rain continued to tap against the shield as they walked back towards the hospital. The sky darkened and arcs of lightning roared across the sky. The branches of the trees and the grass were knocked around in the wind. Neither rain nor wind could touch them as Shining's shield kept it all away. Shining opened up the door to the hospital and they all slipped inside as Shining let down his shield. They made their way down the twists and turns of the hospital until they got to the psych ward and Twilight's room.
Shining hesitated. "You sure you'll be okay?"
"I'll be fine." She wrapped one hoof around him and another hoof around Cadence. They returned the hug, holding on for a while. "Thank you for everything."
Eventually, they disentangled themselves from the embrace. Twilight walked into her room as Cadence and Shining walked away holding hooves. Twilight smiled at the sight before she closed the door then yawned. She hadn't been lying about needing to rest. She walked over to the bed, fell down on it and went to sleep the minute her head hit the pillow.
...
She was empty and in her chest she could feel a sharp pain. Something that had been ripped out, something important. She wanted to scream, but nothing came from her throat.
It too her a moment to realize she was the emptiness, that she had been swallowed up by the darkness. A silent scream ripped from her voiceless lips. Perhaps she screamed for seconds, perhaps she screamed for centuries, perhaps for all eternity, perhaps ten-thousand eternities.
The void stretched on forever and forever. She realized she was floating, being carried by the waves of the abyss. Nothing tethered her to herself.
Her throat should have felt raw as the echoes of her soundless screaming rippled throughout the endless abyss.
There was nothingness, eternal nothingness. She could not feel her body, she could not feel her magic, she could not even feel her soul.
Only emptiness, stretching on forever and ever.
She breathed, but there was no air. She cried to scream, but there was no sound. Nothing existed in this abyss. She did not exist, she had been erased from the strands of existence.
All the strands of herself had come unfurled. What was her name? Who was she? She was nothing and she never had been anything.
No!
She had been someone. She had existed as something once.
It was too late. She could feel atoms stretching out in emptiness, fragments of herself. She tried to gather them up, but they receded ever farther from her.
There was another presence in the void. Two yellow, demonic eyes stared down at her. She wanted to pull away, but the waves of the abyss pushed her ever farther towards the demon's eyes.
She fought against it, tried to gather up her erased self.
A whirling nausea swirled inside of her stomach. The demon's face appeared, it's fangs glistening in a horrifying grin.
She continued to scream, then she felt something shaking her.
"Twilight Sparkle! Twilight Sparkle! Twilight Sparkle, Element of Magic, Heir to Twilight, Megan's Companion! Hear me! Thy ancestor faced Tirek at Dream Valley at the very dawn of our race! You have faced Nightmare Moon! You have faced Discord, he who is also called Crom Cruach and Satan! You have faced the Father of Lies and you know that this is a lie!"
A dark blue alicorn appeared in the void, standing between her and the demon's eyes.
Twilight...Sparkle...my name is...Twilight Sparkle...
She felt her horn, the magic bequeathed to her race by the Goddess Rhianon at the Dawn of All Things. She felt the magic flowing through her, connecting her to the warrior Twilight who had once fought at Megan's side.
For a moment, a split second, her ancestor rose up in her and she felt her strength, raw, primal strength untempered by civilization.
She was Twilight Sparkle! She was the Element of Magic! She had vanquished the Nightmare! She had gone against the Devil himself and she had triumphed!
Waves of magic shot from her horn and the abyss lit up in a magenta glow. The abyss exploded in a shock wave of magic and a meadow rose up all around them. Twilight looked around at the verdant meadow. The long grass waved in the wind. Ten stone pillars, carved in strange symbols, rose up around them. A statue of a bipedal figure was set on a pedestal in the center.
She recognized it instantly. "This is the Temple of Megan, outside of Canterlot."
Luna rustled her wings. "Yes. Your subconscious has taken you to a sacred place so that...that demon cannot harm you."
"It's Discord, isn't it?"
Luna took a few moments before she answered. "Discord can do naught, trapped in stone as he is. I have spent the last few nights examining your soul, seeking the cause of the damage. It is more of an echo of his power, a spiritual bomb ticking away in your soul. You were the first to activate it."
Twilight nodded. "Then my friends are in danger."
"Yes. Oh yes, you have no idea how much."
Twilight glanced over at her. "You...Nightmare Moon. He did it to you, didn't he?"
Luna was silent. Twilight's hoof trembled as she laid it on Luna's shoulder. "Luna. There's no need to be ashamed."
"It made me feel weak. So weak." Her shoulders sagged. "My sister has always been stronger than me. He...violated my soul in an act very much akin to...akin to..."
"Rape."
The word stood between them. Twilight's jaw clenched. "What he did to you. What he did to me and my friends. It was very much rape."
"Spiritual rape, but yes. He forced himself into your mind, twisted your souls and very selves."
Twilight fought back tears. "Isn't that what I did with the want it-need it spell?"
"If you begin to blame yourself for what you did in your madness it will destroy you. Trust me, I know."
A horrible thought struck Twilight. "If you were being driven to become Nightmare Moon, how could Celestia banish you? It wasn't your fault."
"The Elements did that not my sister. I do not believe a night of that millennium went by without her weeping over my banishment. Tell me, Twilight have you ever had to discipline a foal?"
"Well, Spike."
"Would you endeavor to discipline him by banishing him to a gem mine?"
"No, of course not."
"Exactly. The moon was no punishment for me or, at the very least, it was not a harsh one. It was a place my soul could rest and be restored. It was a time of peace and reflection. Nightmare Moon hated it though."
Twilight nodded. "I need to wake up and I need to sign out of the hospital. Normally, that would take a full psychological evaluation. I don't have time to do that. I need you to come to the hospital and hurry things along."
Luna raised an eyebrow. "You have a plan, Twilight Sparkle?"
"My friends are in danger. Yes, I have a plan. My father is an ex-guard and his specialty is breaking curses or enchantments. Can you contact him? His name is Night Light. This is going to require two powerful unicorns."
A smile spread across Luna's face at the fire in Twilight's voice. "It is good to see thee coming back to thinself."
Night Light reclined back in the boat and cast his net into the lake. The net disturbed the lake, ripples appearing in the surface. The sunlight rippled and sparkled upon the lake's crystal blue surface reflecting the clear blue sky. Night Light looked up to the sky and then around at the granite peaks which ringed the lake. The lake was off of a sandy beach which led into a pine forest. Wind whistled through the green needles of the trees.
He had caught a bass yesterday. Today, he was in the mood for salmon. Deep in the forest he had found rich, sweet clover. It was growing wild in a patch just west of the cabin he had rented. He closed his eyes and relished the feeling of the cool wind upon his fur and the sun warming his back. He had done a lot in his life. He had led armies and fought for Clan, Princess and Kingdom. He had fought well and defended Equestria's borders, won her glory and made her enemies tremble. Neither his enemies nor the soldiers he'd fought beside would recognize the placid, middle aged stallion that reclined in this boat. That time in his life was long behind him, a season that had passed away leaving only memories and a few scars that rarely bothered him anymore.
A family of ducks swam upon the lake's surface, a green-crested mallard honking. A female raised her brown and blue wing, sheltering her young chicks. Night Light smiled at the sight and thought of his own children. He had raised a fine young stallion and a brilliant young mare. When your son was both captain of the Royal Guard and Emperor of the Crystal Ponies and your daughter was the student of the Sun Princess you knew you were doing something right.
An egret spread its dazzling, alabaster wings and soared over the water, the lake's surface rippling in its wake. Night Light watched as it soared past, admiring its beauty. The lake seemed to spread out in an endless sapphire expanse. Green rushes rose up in the center of the lake, cat tails interspersed among them. Night Light suspected that a family of egrets lived among the rushes. Some said that a lost tribe of sea ponies lived here, but Night Light had never seen one.
But, still, he lived in a world of wonders and would not deny the possibility. He would like to meet a seapony. He had met pegasii, earth ponies, horses, griffons, kirin, minotaurs, donkeys, dragons, phoenixes, manticores and at one point was hosted by a clan of friendly sea serpents, but he had never met a sea pony. They were a secretive race, but to win their friendship was to gain friends for life.
He whistled to himself, the beauty of the day inspiring him. Something pushed against his net. He pulled up the net quickly, an arc of water splashing outwards as Night Light drew the net up. A silver salmon thrashed around in his net. Night Light lit up his horn, humanely stopping the salmon's heart. Its thrashing ceased and it grew still. Night Light laid it out beside him and then tossed the net back out.
As he gazed out at the lake he found his thoughts drifting. The waves of the lake were hypnotic, lulling him into a nearly trance like state. It calmed him. That was why he occasionally liked coming down here and getting away for a while. Grazing and fishing and getting back to nature. He levitated over a beer and flipped the top open, raising it to his lips and tossing his head back.
In a few days he would go back to his wife, Twilight Velvet. He smiled to himself. They had been together for so long it was hard to go too long without thinking of her. They had gone through college, a war and the unique trials and joys of raising two children together. Even if there were times he needed to get away and commune with nature he would always return to her.
She understood his need to occasionally go back to the wild just like he understood her need to shut herself away and write. That was the key to a marriage, he reflected. Knowing when to give your spouse space and when to be with them.
He really ought to write a book about it one day.
Just as he had closed his eyes and was beginning to be lulled into a nap he felt a surge of energy. His eyes widened. A dark cloud had materialized before the boat. His horn lit up and he prepared a defensive spell, just in case. The cloud materialized into a dark, blue alicorn. She hovered over the water. It took him a moment to recognize her. In his day there'd only been one alicorn. He recognized her as Princess Luna, Princess Celestia's sister, and knelt his head.
"Ho, Battle Mage, General Night Light."
He held up a hoof. "Ex-general. You wouldn't happen to be looking for my son would you? I'm retired."
"Nay, Sir Night Light. It is you we require."
Night Light shook his head. "Nah. You want some young stud not old me. I've done my time."
"Tis not I that requires you. It is thy daughter."
That got his attention. He stood up. "What about Twilight?"
"She was grievously wounded in her encounter with Discord. Her soul was damaged even unto madness and she attempted to take her own life-"
His jaw dropped. "She did what?"
"-After casting a want it-need it spell on Ponyville. The other Element Bearers have possibly also experienced such spiritual damage-"
"Take me to her." He paused. "Your Highness."
He wondered why Velvet didn't contact him. Of course, this was Velvet's way. Hide the bad news until she felt he was ready to hear it, as if he were a child. This was Shining's wisdom teeth all over again. He sighed. They would be having words about this.
"Of course." She extended her hoof and he took it. They vanished in a flash.
...
Dash stretched out her wings before returning them to her sides. "So, what's all this about? Why do we need the Elements?"
Twilight looked around at her friends. "Okay. Everypony, I want you all to be honest with me. Total honesty. We're all friends here. No posturing or trying to be stronger than you are."
They exchanged looks with each other. Applejack placed a hoof on her shoulder. "What's all this about, Sugarcube?"
"Since Discord, has anypony been feeling different? Sad, angry, depressed? Any odd dreams?"
More looks were exchanged. Fluttershy's pink mane fell like a curtain across her face. "Umm..."
Everypony in the room looked around at her. Dash spread a wing across her back. Fluttershy continued. "I...I have. I went to a seminar about assertiveness and I got really mean to everypony. Really mean."
"You? Mean?" Dash questioned.
"I just...I just wasn't myself. I said really awful things to Pinkie and Rarity. I still haven't forgiven myself."
Pinkie and Rarity wrapped her up in an embrace. Fluttershy wrapped her hooves around both of them. "Thank you."
Twilight nodded and looked around. "Anypony else?"
Applejack shuffled a hoof. "Nightmares. I just see Discord's eyes every night."
Dash looked at the floor. "Yeah. I do too."
Pinkie avoided everypony's gaze as she looked at the floor as Dash had. "I've woken up a few nights crying. I don't know why."
Twilight took in an intake of breath. "Alright. So I haven't been the only one. Can we agree on something real quick? Next time any of you struggle with something let's remember we have each other."
They nodded. Twilight Sparkle turned. With a flash of her horn she levitated over a leather bound grimoire, the latest in a long series of spell books which she had owned. She flipped through it. Rarity peaked over her shoulder and her eyes widened. "Oh my. Darling, I had no idea you had such an interest in grey magic."
"To balance light and dark magic is to balance the polarities within oneself." Twilight answered without looking up from the book. "And what I'm looking for is a way to break a dark curse. A God-tier curse to be specific."
Dash soared over. The others followed her. Twilight almost told them to give her some space, but she actually enjoyed their nearness. "So, we've been cursed?" There was a dangerous tone to Dash's voice. "That freak did it when he got in our heads, huh?"
Twilight nodded, still searching through the grimoire. She had copied down the spell somewhere in this book. It required two powerful unicorns in order to charge the spell. Three or four was preferable due to the raw energy of the spell. She flipped ahead through the chapter on breaking curses and found it.
All she had to do was combine the original spell with the harmonic ray of the Elements of Harmony, six enchanted objects which tapped into the very energy of creation itself. Of course, she had never actually combined the Elements of Harmony with another spell. Nor had she ever heard of anyone doing so.
She looked up from the grimoire. "Anytime a trauma occurs you run the risk of mental or spiritual damage, breaks within the soul. Discord broke our minds and then let his dark energy seep into the cracks. Fluttershy, with you he twisted your kind nature. Pinkie, he brought up your hidden insecurities-"
Pinkie stiffened.
Twilight laid a hoof on her shoulder. "Pinkie. We're all friends here, remember?"
Pinkie looked to the floor then looked back up at Twilight. "So, that explains...that explains those nightmares. Everyone leaving me."
Twilight looked to the only other unicorn in the room. "Rarity?"
"I've been having nightmares too."
"Okay. Lot of nightmares, lot of negative emotions. With me, he...well, he took advantage of my love for magic. All magic, including the dangerous stuff. I try to control my worse instincts, but he lowered the barriers. When I realized what I'd done the guilt nearly destroyed me. The guilt was all mine."
"Darling, you make it sound as if Discord is still around."
"In a way, he is. Or rather, there are lingering effects still imprinted on our souls."
Dash flared her wings in a display of anger. "So, what do we do about it?"
"I invited a powerful mage to help us with the spell I have in mind. Could everypony please go into the kitchen? I need to prepare the ritual space."
Rarity took Twilight's grimoire gently into her magic. "I believe I can help you with this. I may only be a beta leval, but even I can set up a ritual space."
Twilight's eyes widened as she realized how offensive her words could have sounded to Rarity. Her ears folded back. "Oh! Oh no! I didn't mean to imply you were ignorant in magic, I'm sorry, please forgive me-"
Rarity placed a hoof to her lips and gave her a kind smile. "It's alright, Darling. I know you didn't." She gave Twilight a quick hug which Twilight returned. "You're probably like most mages, used to working alone."
"Yes, yes, that's exactly it! Well, me and Spike, who's my familiar."
"Anyway, let's get started, shall we?"
"Right."
They both levitated a prepared bowl of salt set upon a book shelf. Rarity took half of the salt, Twilight took the other half and together they spread the salt in a circle around the room.
Twilight levitated up six candles. Rarity took three of them in her magic. Twilight couldn't help the soft smile that tugged at her lips. Once, this would have been a solitary task. Now that she had a friend at her side it went by much faster. She could feel the energies already being stirred up. They felt richer, deeper than they used to.
They laid out the six candles in the shape of a six pointed star. Red in the north for fire. Blue in the south for water. Grey for metal went to the northwest. White for air went to the northeast. To the southwest went a grey candle for stone. Green for the earth went to the southeast.
Without being asked to, Spike went about his task. He lit each candle. Rarity and Twilight lit their horns and chanted a prayer for calling the Lords of the Elements as they trotted around the circle three times. The circle glowed blue and a multicolored hexagram appeared, the colors of the hexagram corresponding to the colors of the candles.
"What will we do for correspondences?" Rarity asked.
Twilight lit up her horn and brought over her grimoire. Rarity peaked over her shoulder. "As you can see, each element of harmony is corresponded to a particular natural element."
Rarity touched her element. "I'm water?"
"Of course. Water flows generously, giving freely to all. Water is the sign of Great Mother Danu who nourishes all." She called in the rest of the element bearers.
Rarity took her place near the candle in the south. "And now?"
Twilight closed her eyes. "He's close."
She could feel his energy, had been sensing his energy as he and Luna came closer. It took a while to teleport from a lake outside Baltimare to Ponyville. Only Luna could manage it.
Suddenly, Night Light and Luna appeared in a dark flash. Night Light nearly ran to Twilight, but stopped when he saw the ritual space. "Set up already, Twilight?" He walked over to her and wrapped an arm around her. "I hear you've been having some trouble."
She wrapped an arm around him. "I'm better than I was." She showed him the grimoire. "Luna told you what was going on?"
"Yep. So, Discord cast a curse on you girls? You're on the right track to breaking it...of course. You need me to act as a channel for all the energy you'll be raising."
"Do you think you can do it?"
He gave a weary eye to her element. "I've never tried this kind of spell with enchanted objects like yours as an amplifier. I am curious though. Let's give it a whirl."
He stood in the center. Twilight laid the grimoire back on the shelf and stood by the candle in the north. She directed Dash to the quarter of air (loyalty is the air, breathing life into the virtues), Fluttershy to the quarter of earth (kindness is as the life-giving earth) , Applejack to the quarter of metal (what is honesty, but steel devotion to Truth?), Pinkie to the quarter of stone (it takes a heart as unbreakable as stone to laugh in the face of danger). With Rarity at the quarter of water and herself at the quarter of fire she was ready to begin.
She focused on her magic and her element. Her element and her horn lit. Responding to the resonance, the other elements lit up in turn, filling the room with light. Night Light lit up his own horn. The light of the elements grew stronger and more intense as Twilight began to chant. "Honesty, Kindness, Loyalty, Generosity, Laughter, Magic, Spirits of the Elements, I invoke thee!"
Getting the hint, the other Element Bearers took up the chant. The air grew heavy, thick, with the powers of Harmony becoming manifest. Each Element grew intensely, unbearably bright. Twilight closed her eyes as the power of the Elements reached their crescendo. The power of the Cosmos flowed through her and the six that surrounded her.
A rainbow of light blazed from each element, meeting in the circle and towards Night Light. Night Light accepted the energy into his horn and nearly toppled as the sheer amount of power surged through his body. He stood. Though he had never felt this much power and it was overwhelming the power did not wish to harm him. He felt that. These energies were benevolent. He breathed in, accepting all of the energy into himself.
He knew what to do. While he had never used this much energy to break a curse, his daughter was right. Only the energy of the Elements of Harmony could break Discord's curse. He was amazed by the amount of energy she could raise. His daughter's faith in him aside, he wasn't sure he could manage it.
Focusing on the surge of unfamiliar magic he began to channel it into the circle, casting his familiar curse-breaking spell, using the energy of the Elements to power it. The circle and the hexagram lit again as a dome of energy surrounded them.
Twilight and the others felt as the curse-breaking spell was cast upon them. It was like water flowing through their souls. Twilight felt as a tidal wave of darkness-guilt, rage, despair- washed over her and then was washed away just as quickly by the waves of the spell.
The magic washed over them for a long time, perhaps minutes, perhaps hours as time had no meaning within the sacred circle. At last, the spell subsided. The elements dimmed and returned to their resting state. The circle dimmed and the hexagram vanished. Night Light stumbled and collapsed.
Twilight rushed to him. "Dad!" She caught him, helped him to stand.
He leaned against her. "Don't worry about me, Twily. Worry about yourself."
"I'm almost sure that worked. I feel better. But it'll take me a while to know for sure."
He tousled her mane and looked over at the Element Bearers. "You girls take good care of her, ye hear?"
Twilight giggled. "Dad what are you going to do if they don't?"
"Ah, I'll think of something. They won't like it, whatever it is."
Pinkie jumped over to the pair. "Don't worry Mr. Twilight's Dad, Sir! We'll take good care of Twilight!"
Twilight felt something in her stomach. It bubbled up to her throat and came out as a belly laugh. Everypony stared at her as she laughed, a deep, rich belly laugh, the most she had laughed in days. She wasn't sure what it was. Her dad's protectiveness? Pinkie just being Pinkie? Her friends surrounding her? The depth of everypony's love for her which she was just beginning to realize? Some after-effect of the spell?
She wiped away the happy tears in her eyes. "I love you all. So much and I'm sorry that I didn't realize how much you all love me."
They all hugged her. Night Light joined in the group hug. Twilight felt warm and safe and loved. Maybe more dark days would come. No, they assuredly would. But never again would she forget how much she was loved by her family and friends.
