The Pedantic Pony

by Captain Whatever

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark
Length: 2742

The adventure of Mike and Johnny continues.

As Mike and Johnny travel throughout Canterlot, they meet up with a unicorn, the next Alpha Guardian, who refuses to talk to them. However, they have sudden and random flashbacks that seemingly relate to their past.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-12-01 06:35:54 UTC

Chapter 4

Urban Canterlot. Gosh, it's pretty nice. So many restaurants, so many stores, and so many...buildings, really. I wish I lived here. As I gazed around, I noticed Johnny was different. I was pretty calm about the scenery, but Johnny was...well, imagine Pinkie Pie just got offered to taste test at least five of her special MMMM cakes. And then learned that she got to throw Celestia's birthday party as well. Now apply that to Johnny, plus a lot of zipping in and out of each building.

"This is SO COOL!  They even have caramel-flavored bubble gum."

I stared at him, wide-eyed. I had been waiting literally decades seeking caramel-flavored bubble gum, and Bon Bon wasn't selling them anymore, due to its high calorie content, or something like that. I rushed into the store he was in, and immediately asked for five packs of the stuff.

"Sorry, sir, we just ran out of the stuff."

My face was probably contorted into the weirdest face this guy had ever seen.

"Sir, are you alright?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!" I ran out, and Johnny was smirking at me.

"Sorry, forgot to tell ya, I bought the last twenty packs. But hey, ya never really gave me a chance, didja?"

I fumed for a pretty long time, until I got knocked over by a rude pony.

"Blockhead." He huffed, and I was about to ignore him, when I accidentally glanced at his hindquarters.

He was a red unicorn with an orange mane. I honestly expected to see a cutie mark of an angry face, maybe a flame, but instead, I just saw nothing. His flank was blank.

I stared into space for a few seconds, before Johnny stepped in.

"Dude, y'alright?" I nodded.

"We need to follow him, don't we?" Again, I nodded.

"Let's go, then." He walked ahead of me, and we followed the mysterious pony.

We followed him through almost all of Canterlot, and we stopped when he looked back. We whistled casually, and, interestingly enough, he payed no mind. Johnny pointed out that he probably knew we were here, and was most likely leading us to our demise. I told him not to worry, and then he got distracted by some mare.

"Hey there, sweet cheeks. Whaddya say we head to the tavern later?"

"Pfft, in your dreams, dork. *giggle*" Johnny tried to get this mare interested.

"Guess I'll see ya tonight, then, dream mare." At that point, the mysterious unicorn had spotted us, and started dashing away. I magicked Johnny's mane again, and started running.

"C'mon, Johnny, get your head outta the clouds. You gave away our position, idiot." He was griping in pain as I magicked his name and dragged him along the ground.

"Well, sorry, *ow* but that mare *ow* was smokin' hot *ow*. And might I *ow* add that *ow* I almost got *ow* a date with *ow* her. Lemme go. *ow*"

I ignored his imbecilic statement as I chased down the pony. I was glad that he wasn't as fast as Johnny, but unfortunately, our speeds were about equal, so I released Johnny, and he flew over to this pony. Once he caught the unknown unicorn, he latched on and held him down.

"Hey, get off of me, you moron. Can't you see I'm trying to get home?" He had a Trottish accent, and an angry one at that.

"What're ya running for, then, dude? Huh? HUH?!" Johnny was trying to scare info out of him, which obviously wasn't working. I decided to step in before Johnny tried other methods.

"Calm down, Johnny. Don't antagonize him at all. Get off of him." Johnny shook his head.

"NOW." He got off and stepped to the side.

"Thanks. Now, what would be your name, good sir?" The pony scoffed.

"Uh, sir? Your name?" He tried to get up and walk away, but I magicked his tail in the air.

"Woah, not so fast, mon ami. Your name?" I could've sworn he tried to mutter something under his breath, but I ignored it.

"Listen, if you don't tell me your name, I will have to-"

Suddenly, I saw a flash of light, and I was in another world. This appeared to be a suburban neighborhood, and I was running around, my legs carrying me everywhere I went.

Hold on, these weren't my legs. They appeared to belong to a hairless primate, although not completely hairless. Also, what was this thing on my head? It didn't look like something I usually wore. It was some sort of hat, turned back, and the weird shirt that had a kind of hood was the same color as my fur. Come to think of it, the creature's hair was the same color as my mane. I kept running, and then another bright flash.

I was laying on the ground, right where I had been. I got up, looked around, and saw that the red unicorn was nowhere in sight. I looked at Johnny, and he was looking at me worriedly.

"Y'alright, dude? Ya kinda blacked out there."

I didn't know what to say. I had just seen something that I had no idea about, and right when I was interrogating a potential Alpha Guardian.

"Johnny, what exactly happened to me?" He backed up a little, and stared at me some more.

"Well, you were talking, and then you fell over. I looked at your face, and your eyes were glowing bright green. Also, your horn was flickering, and then you dropped Connor. He ran off in that direction."

I was about to drag him along, when I perked up.

"Wait, Connor?" He nodded.

"He also said to meet at the abandoned library in five minutes."

I ran off in search of said destination, and Johnny followed.

About five minutes later, we stood in front of the abandoned library, and we saw Connor walking up to us.

"Salutations, good fellows. How are you doing today?"

We smiled, albeit pretty cheesy smiles, but Connor got the hint.

"I beg your pardon, but I never got your names. My name is Connor. Connor Johnson." Johnny went up to him and lightly shook his hoof.

"Quite a pleasure to meet you, mister Johnson. My name is Johnathan LeZowski. This here is my acquaintance, Mike Hugheston." I sheepishly waved.

"Great to see you again. Sorry for passing out there." He waved a dismissing hoof.

"I wouldn't worry about it. Just a simple lack of diatomic oxygen to your cerebral cortex. Happens to the best of us." Johnny seemed as though Connor had grown an extra head.

"Dia...where? You lost me, dude." I was just as confused as Johnny.

Connor just fumed a bit, and motioned for us to come inside.

Once we were inside, he lit a few candles, as the lights were broken, and he slammed the door.

"Listen, I know who you two are, and all I c-"

"How do ya know who we are, Connor?" Johnny interrupted. Connor grumbled, then continued.

"Remember the one that ended your aging?" My gears were grinding into place, until the realization dawned on me.

"You." He timidly stared at me.

"Yes. It is I that placed the spell on you. I made sure that you would live to see this day. I read about the prophecy, and you and Johnny were in it, as well as two others. I needed to..."

At that point, I was no longer paying any attention. He was the one that ruined my life. He was the one that had me suffer through seeing my friends and family all perish for one reason or another. I was literally about to pounce on him, but Johnny tried stop me.

"Geez, chill out, dude." I punched him in the muzzle.

"All this time, it was you who had immortalized me against my will. It was you who prevented me from dying with my friends. You, having me live an eternal nightmare. You, who-mmf."

Johnny had placed his hoof in my mouth. I had half a mind to bite and continue.

"Dude, calm the buck down." He released his hoof, and I just glared at the pony in front of me. Suddenly, the world went bright, and I was once again in another place.

Ugh, not again.

This time, however, I was in a busy city. The scenery was slightly similar to that of Canterlot, but a closer look revealed that the buildings around me were not Equestrian. They had a certain je ne sais quo. Suddenly, the sky got dark, and it got really windy. Since I was faced against the wind current, I shielded my eyes.

As I did, I tried to look for shelter, and saw other creatures of the same species running around trying to do the same. I ran into one of the buildings, labeled "Scottish Poetry Library." As I did, the world was bright again, and I found myself, once again, laying on my side, in the same place as before: on the floor of Connor's supposed home. This was starting to get embarrassing.

"Uh, Mike, ya doin' that on purpose, or ya getting too stressed?" Johnny asked.

I didn't know what to think. I was just screaming at Connor one minute, and the next, I was having a vision. Unable to confront Connor anymore, I bolted out the door and hightailed it to the train station.

Chapter 5

(Johnny POV)

So Mike ran out on us without explaining himself. After having another weird collapse.

I faced Connor, and he shrugged. Seemed we were both confused.

"What in Equestria did that bloke run off for?"

"Beats the Tartarus outta me."

I figured it best not to follow him. I just figured he was blowing off steam or something.

"So, ya got your eye on a certain somepony?" He shook his head.

"Nope. I do not, at this time, have an overly embarrassing attraction to any mare. I endure my solitary confinement with some good novels, however."

I could've sworn my eye twitched then. Once again, this dude had told me something in his fancy mumbo jumbo, and I was unable to process it.

"Ugh, I do not have a crush, and I'm a big nerd."

"Oooooh." I nodded my head, informing him that I knew what he said.

"Why? Do YOU have YOUR eyes on a certain mare?" I blushed. Just thinking about her, gosh, it gives me chills.

"As a matter of fact, I do. Every day, I see her, up in the clouds, moving them around, preparing Ponyville for one gargantuan storm, or making way for a sunny day. When I look at most mares, I can turn into an eager conversationalist, but with her...I can't even process English. She just...do ya know what I'm sayin'?"

He nodded, which almost prompted me to continue, but he spoke instead.

"I used to have my eyes on a certain mare. She was gorgeous, but she was also busy. She attracted my attention many times, but when I attempted to ask her out, she showed up with her stallionfriend. And worse, they seem so happy together. Apparently, he works with the Royal Orchestra, and he just happened to notice her. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for them, but still...you know what I'm saying?" I nodded.

"Absolutely, Contest." He grumbled.

"It's Connor, featherbrain."

I practically pummeled him right there. I had an issue with being called "featherbrain" and things like that, as well as anger issues. Suddenly, my world went dark, and the next thing I knew, I was in some sort of field. I didn't know where I was, but my body didn't seem to care.

"*tweet* Set, HIKE!"

I felt something zip into my front hooves, only they weren't hooves, and I was going backwards. Then, I threw the strange object, which looked remarkably like a hoofball, and then I was tackled to the ground, and luckily I had a helmet, or I would've suffered some serious brain damage.

Everything went dark again, and I found my self lying on the ground, on my side, in front of Connor again. I got up and noticed my head hurt. Probably from falling down.

Rubbing my head, I asked, "Ugh, how long was I out?"

"About forty-five seconds. Why?"

I shrugged, and picked up where we left off, as though nothing happened. About an hour later, Mike came back.

"Whoopee. Yahoo. Sweet Celestia, this is the best day of my life."

Well, if I could remember, he had a panicked look on his face when he stormed out.

"Congrats, Bubba. Care to explain?"

He looked at us with a dreamy look in his eyes, and nodded.

"It started like this..."

(Mike flashback)

After the vision, and getting angry at Connor, I was really stressed out, and I needed a minute to clear my head. I headed to this local bar, and ordered myself a few shots of vodka. I prepared to drink them, but I had a surprise visitor.

"Hey, wassup? Mind if I sit here?"

I motioned for her to sit next to me, and sit there she did. She ordered what I had, and I raised my eyebrow, but I decided to ignore it.

"So, how ya doin'?" I slammed my head on the table.

"I refuse to talk." For a few seconds, she was silent, then she spoke again.

"Say, aren't you that guy that I bumped into the other day? No way, you are! Nice to meetcha, I'm Vinyl Scratch. What's your name?" Bored to hyper in less than a minute? Either she's drunk, or...

"Oh, sorry, I spoke too fast. Does it bother you?" I lifted my head from the table.

"Can I help you?" I made it clear I didn't wanna be bothered.

"Wow, you're pissed. Wanna talk?"

"*sigh* Sure, why not. My name is Mike, I'm an alicorn cursed with immortality I don't want, sent on a journey to find more of my kind, having visions of myself as a weird monkey-like creature, and worst of all, I just ran away from my problems 'cuz I had the urge to relieve some stress." She looked at me with a mix of confusion and dreamy.

"As farfetched as that is, I believe you. I'm here because I'm following you—" She threw a hoof over her mouth, and her cheeks went from alabaster to crimson in one second.

"I said that out loud, didn't I?" I chuckled.

"I was wondering why you weren't upset when your headphones dropped." If her cheeks weren't red earlier, they sure were now. I leaned forward, looking deep into her eyes, and kissed her. Her lips parted, and I felt her hooves wrap around my shoulders, as well as my wings unfurling from my sides.

I didn't know how long we were making out, but when we parted, we had a lot of ponies gawking at us.

"Hey look, Vi, we got an audience." I tried to make the best of the situation.

"Hmph, you dork." She rubbed my mane, and we let go of each other.

"Mike, stop by my place at ten. 14 Bayonne Avenue. Please." I fake-saluted her.

"Cross my heart, hope to die, stick a needle in my eye."

She nodded, and walked off. I suddenly felt like I had finally gotten that caramel flavored bubblegum.

(Johnny present time)

"...and that's the whole story."

I'm sorry. Did he just say he has a date tonight with a mare at ten? This guy is one lucky son-of-a-bitch.

"By the way, what time is it?" I looked for a clock, and Connor interrupted my search.

"Nine forty-five. You have fifteen minutes." Mike seemed really relieved. He then headed out the door, probably towards the house he was told to meet at.

"Well, Connor, guess it's just you an' me. Whaddya say we talk about our past. Like, I'm from the Roman Empire. When are you from?" He sounded rather proud upon telling me his time era.

"I was born during the Hooftorian Yorkshire. Manebridge, England."

"*whistle* Quite intriguing, if I do say so myself." He seemed to be interesting, for a pony who has no friends.

"Listen, I know we probably got off on the wrong hoof, so—"

"Relax, you're forgiven." Connor stuck out his hoof. I promptly shook it. That was the end of that. Now all I had to do was find the other two "Alpha Warriors" or whoever.