A Hunter Amongst Ponies

Waking up was a….strange experience for me. Not only because of that truly unusual dream, but also because I didn’t wake up in a cold sweat. Then there was Diane her face still pressed into my chest nuzzling it while she snored quietly. I looked down at her watching sleeping soundly with my arm still around her. A part of me was expecting to feel… confused about how calm I was with the current situation, but I wasn’t. Instead I lay there lightly stroking her back with my fingers. The peaceful moment however was shattered by a deranged scream from the cursed love child of a banshee, the single loudest cricket in existence, and an entire city’s wroth of pots and pans slamming onto a hard floor. I let out a yelp of pain as I quickly rolled out of bed with a loud thud. I clamped my hands over my ears trying to drown out the horrid racket as I rolled around on the floor in pain. Then as quickly as it started it stopped and I felt a hand settle on my back rubbing me softly.

When I rolled over Diane was looking down at me concern on her face. Her mouth was moving but the only thing I was hearing at the moment was an eerie and annoying ringing in my ears. She was also pointing to the alarm clock on her night stand. I sat up and shook my head then rubbing my ears trying to get the ringing to stop. She looked to be tearing up slightly and, if I was reading her lips right, apologizing. I placed my hand on the top of her head and gently ruffled her mane. I didn’t really trust myself with volume control at the moment so I gave her a gentle smile letting her know it was alright. She lunged forward hugging me and smiling deeply. Then she blotted into her bathroom and a few moments later came out looking freshly bathed. She was wearing the same blue dress and apron she had been when I met her. As to how she cleaned up and dressed so quickly was a mystery, but one I chose to ignore. She kept her happy smile and waved her arms to the bathroom door, guessing she was telling me to use it if I wanted. I normally would’ve just dressed and been on my way, but I figured why not? It would give me time for my hearing to return to normal.

Pinkie Pie

I was so happy that Roe Roe had decided to be my cuddle buddy last night that I just couldn’t stop smiling. Then my alarm clock woke us up, hurting his ears. I never ever remembered the alarm being as loud as it was. I didn’t even think that I had set it since I haven’t needed it to wake up on time in years. It turned out it was REALLY loud even scaring Mr. and Mrs. Cake out of bed. It made me really sad to think that Roe’s cute wolfie ears were hurting because of it. So now I was going to make it up to him by making an extra special super yummy breakfast. Only thing was I wasn’t sure what he really liked so I used what little I learned the night I kissed him. I blushed every time I had thought about that night and I didn’t stop blushing last night till I fell asleep.

What little I did know about Roe Roe he liked meat but didn’t eat it very often, but I guess that was a good thing since the Cakes didn’t keep any around. He said that he mainly ate fruits and veggies. I looked around the kitchen humming softly as I gathered up eggs, potatoes, and the makings of a fruit salad. Then I went over to the coffee maker and starting making a pot. My plan was coming together nicely when I heard Mrs. Cake walked in. She was wearing a dress very much like my own but pink instead of blue. It made sense seeing as how it was the bakery uniform. She always had a more cushion for the pushin, but with the new foal on the way she had put on a little more, but she was still pretty to me.

“Good Morning Mrs. Cake.” I sad putting on my bestest good morning smile as she walked over to me.

“Good morning Pinkie.” She said with a slightly tired smile. “What’s got you cooking so early deary?”

“Oh I’m making breakfast for Roe Roe. Since he has to go back to Canterlot today I thought he shouldn’t leave hungry.” I grinned my biggest grin and Mrs. Cake blushed slightly.

“Oh my, Pinkie do you mean you and that young shifter colt are together?” She asked as she got beside me and I felt my cheeks turn pinker than normal.

“N-no we’re just friends maybe cuddle buddies right now, but together no.” I poked at the food carefully trying not to look at her.

“Oh but you want to be don’t you?” She giggles and lightly poking me in the ribs.

“Mrs. Cake please it’s embarrassing.” I pouted gently sticking my bottom lip out. “I know my friends don’t like him very much, but I know he’s a really nice stallion deep down, I know it.”

“With everything I hear about him since he showed up I was starting to think that your friends were right about him. But after everything he did for that little filly yesterday I believe you’re right about him.” She gave me a one armed hug and I smiled leaning into her gently.

“Thanks Mrs. Cake. But what if he doesn’t like me that way?” I asked my ears drooping at the idea.

“You shouldn’t be worrying about that so soon Pinkie. This is only the second time you two have been around each other. Give it time I’m sure he’ll come around.” She released the hug and I went back to cooking. “But you already have him as a cuddle buddy hmm? I think he just might like you.”

My cheeks turned even brighter as I nearly dropped the spatula and turned away, my knees trembling. I didn’t understand why I liked him so much it was so confusing. I think it’s his eyes that keep drawing me in. Those sad deep brown eyes that just made me want to hug him and tell him it would be alright. The popping of the eggs quickly brought my attention back to cooking. I flipped the eggs over gently not breaking the yokes and stirred the diced potatoes and onions. That’s when heard a loud male yell, something told me I didn’t need a translator to know what was said. It was quickly followed by more yells and loud thumping sounds against the walls of my room. I gasped and ran to room worried something had happened to Roe Roe. “Curse you lousy luck!” I screamed inside my head as I made it up the stairs the thumping continued and was joined by the sound of breaking glass. I moved faster Mr. and Mrs. Cake not far behind me. I quickly threw open the about to ask what in the name of parties was going on but when I seen what I did I needed advice.

“Control this Pinkie did you read me?, Over.”

“Pinkie this is Officer Grey Matter of control we read you loud and clear. What seems to be the problem? Over.” Grey Matter said over the microphone headset that was standard issue with all members of the control team. She was also dressed in the standard pink officer’s uniform just like the rest.

“I seem to have encountered something I have never seen before requesting advice, over.”

“Alright Pinkie please stand by while we assess the situation, over.”

“Standing by, over.”

“Okay ponies let’s see what we’ve got. Officer Optics give us a visual.” Matter gave her orders quickly as one would befitting her station.

“Coming through now Ma’am.” Optics responded quickly as she flipped switches and pressed buttons on her respective control panel. The image flickered to life on the giant 120 inch 675k resolution flat screen. “Subject is disanointed as “Roe”…an error as occurred on optical shutters 1 and 2. They seemed to be jammed as open as possible and we can’t seem to close them Ma’am.”

“Noted continue with analysis Officer.” Matter stated simply.

“Yes Ma’am, Subject only matches 60% of our records updating them now. Roe is missing all clothing while panting quickly and is holding his bow pointing at the wall near the window. The wall itself is littered with small diameter holes at best approximations caused by a series of arrows fired at very high speeds. Targets pectoral and abdominal muscles seem to be lacking of any fur, analyzing. Zero signs of known illnesses to be the reason for this and the same goes for shaving or alternative methods us fur removal, conclusion natural growth pattern. The inner thighs and reproductive organ area are likewise lacking of fur. The organ in question is not matching records from anatomy class making note of differences….”

“Ma’am pardon the interruption Ma’am but the heart has increased output by 40%.” Officer Blood interrupted her own console beginning to flash with red warning lights.

“Do what you can to correct the output Blood. Optics lets pick up the pace of the analysis before anymore errors pop up.” Matter ordered still calm however worry was beginning to seep into her voice.

“Control I’m starting to feel really funny, over.”

“We are working on the problem Pinkie please continue to stand by, over. Optics report!”

“Genital lacks a sheath and the tip is rounded closer to that of a mushroom Ma’am. The lacking of a sheath gives a better rough estimate of length when at full functionality. Calculations predict a total arousal length of 7 to 9 inches Ma’am.” As Optics finished the panels at all stations began sparking and flashing warning lights.

“Ma’am the hearts output has increased another 25% circularly fluid as began flooding the cheeks, nipples, and the clitoris to relive the pressure.” Blood shouted from her station.

“Fix and close optical shutters 1 and 2 immediately!” Matter ordered panic starting to take hold.

“That’s a negative the shutters are not responding to commands!” Optics shouted in panic as well.

“Engineering! Get us turned around now!”

“We just can’t do it Captain, errors are popping up all throughout the engines, we don’t have the power!” The control room shook and more sparks few as a few panels popped making a few officers lose their balance.

“What in the name of the great cell division is happening to Pinkie?!” Matter shouted as the doors to control opened another officer stepping through. She was a much lower ranking officer being unable to rise through the ranks for behavioral and uniform violations. The uniform she wore had been modified to resemble a bikini top and a g-string. Her mane was straight and covered half of her face. Her eye was half lidded with a sultry smile on her muzzle. She always had one of her hands either between her legs or groping her very generous assets, this time however she was doing both.

“mmmmmm….step aside bitches I’m ooooooooo….here to deal with the situation.” She moaned lustfully as she walked forward her fingers deep in her snatch and pinching her hard as diamonds nipples.

“Officer Heat! You are still on administerive leave for another month what are you doing here?!” Matter asked loudly as Heat pulled the headset off the commander’s head.

“mmmmmmm….I already told you.” Heat moaned down at the now helpless officers as more warning lights and sparks flashed about. She slowly brought the microphone to her lips and spoke. “Pinkie this is control do you read me?, over.”

“Yes I read you what’s going on I don’t feel right! Over!” Pinkie screamed over the intercom.

“Calm down Pinkie mmmmm… everything will fine once you aaahhhhhhhh….understand the situation, over.” Heat nearly screamed in rapturous pleasure.

“Please tell me what’s happening!”

“That’s very simple Pinkie. That is one mighty fine hunk of the male gender with a mighty fine piece of equipment between his legs. And you my dear sweet mmmmmm…lovely mare wanna ride it all night long!”

Everything in the control room stopped flashing for a few brief moments. Then every console panel sparked and smoked every light went dark quickly followed by a massive crash leaving all but one scantily clad manically laughing officer immobilized.

Roe

I enjoyed my shower greatly something about Diane’s bathroom seemed to energize me more than my own. It could have been that the colors were more lively and bright than mine. Then again it could have simply been that I had a restful night’s sleep for once. At the moment however I didn’t much care as I slipped my head band back on and with a moment of thought it cast its illusion. The band slowly “melted” into my skin so no one would be the wiser I had it on. Placing the towel on the rack I exited the bathroom to retrieve my field clothes when I noticed something out of the corner of my eye. My heart jumped into my throat at the sight and I leaped over to bow shouting in my mother tongue.

“Vile demon return to the abyss you came from!” I quickly garbed my bow and yanked arrows from my quiver rapidly firing them at the foul creature. “Die abomination!” I roared as my arrows flew at my target missing each time leaving holes in the walls and window as they went clean threw. The monstrosity made its escape out the window and I would have pursued if I hadn’t been so busy catching my breath. That’s when the door to the room open and Diane burst forth a worried look on her face. The worry was quickly replaced by a wide eyed stare. Then her face got really red and suddenly blood sprayed from her nose and she fell flat on her back her left hoof twitching slightly. The Cakes weren’t far behind her and when their eyes landed on me there was two reactions.

“Make yourself decent Roe!” Mr. Cake shouted as raised his hand to block out the view of my naked form.

“Oh…. my.” Mrs. Cake said as a small amount of blood shot from her nose and blushed deeply before grabbing Diane and dragging her off somewhere else.

It took a few seconds before I looked down my pride on full display. Then eyeing the window I saw a mint green unicorn and a cream colored earth pony with a blue and pink mane through their window. A number of my arrows were sticking out of the side of their house before disappearing and returning to my quiver. The ponies at the neighboring house were both mares, both looking at me and both had bloody noses. I sighed as I thought for a moment conjuring the illusion of clothing over myself then started actually getting dressed.

“Since that is taken care of just what in the hay was that all about?” Carrot shouted/asked me pointing to the wall that had holes covering it now while I had managed to put my boxers and pants on. I was about to answer when the assailant returned threw the window. I readied another arrow and was about to fire when Carrot grabbed my left shoulder.

“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Calm down! What’s going on?!”

“There!…..demon!.....window!.” That was all that I could manage to get out coherently. Carrot looked over to the window then walked over and kneeled looking at the vile thing then looked back at me a deadpanned look on his face.

“You mean to tell me that you put holes in my house, made Pinkie faint, expose yourself to Cup Cake and the neighbors, and scared the icing out me over a little spider?” He asked pointing at the brown and red-eyed-eight-legged- mandible having vile creation.

“Kill that cursed thing!” I shrieked trying my best to keep my bow steady and not shoot Carrot.

He turned to the spider and opened the window completely. “Go and run along little guy. I don’t think it’s safe for you here right now.” I could almost swear the spider squeaked at the yellow stallion then scurried out the window. I lowered me bow as the window was closed again releasing a breath I didn’t even notice I was holding. Panting I slumped down on the couch next to my gear my arms and legs trembling.

“Are you alright?” The baker asked as he stepped closer

“Hate. Spiders.” I let out breathing deeply.

“Just take few deep breaths and calm down Roe.” He placed his hand back on my shoulder again giving it a squeeze and I relaxed a little.

“Sorry…if I know they are there I’m fine but if I don’t…well…” I trailed off glancing at the wall as I resumed getting dressed.

“It’s alright Roe as long as no pony got hurt but the wall on the other hand….”

“I’ll pay for the repairs Carrot.” I reached into my belt pouch and pulled out 50 gold coins and gave them to him. “That should cover it.”

“Sweet Celestia Roe! Just how much gold to you have?!” He asked in wide-eye fascination.

“I probably have enough material wealth to ruin Equestria’s economy if I wanted to.” I said nonchalantly as I slipped on my socks and boots. Then I sniffed the air something making it past the smell of the blood. “Is something burning?” I asked looking to the baker. He quickly ran out the door and after grabbing the rest of my gear I wasn’t far behind. When I entered the kitchen he was removing two pans from the stove the food within smoking and only slightly burnt.

“Sorry seems I ruined your walls and you breakfast.” I said feeling a little disgusted with myself at the moment.

“No no, this wasn’t our breakfast. It was supposed to be yours.” He said as he placed the pans on pot holders on the counter top next to the stove.

“Mine? Why mine?” I asked my ear twitching slightly.

“Pinkie Pie didn’t want you to go back to Canterlot on an empty stomach.” He said as he looked at me and I glanced back at the food Diane was cooking for me. That’s when I walked over and looked at the meal. It was brunt nearly to point most anyone else would’ve thrown it out and started over it not being appetizing anymore. I felt sometime inside me at that moment it was a nearly long forgotten emotion I wasn’t sure I had anymore. I was…grateful for the meal that she had made for me even if it would taste like charcoal now. I felt the corners of my mouth turn up into a smile as I reached for my travel spices my tail wagging a little. I sprinkled just a little over the two parts of the meal. Using my fork I began eating right out of the pans I had to force it all down but I didn’t let it show on my face. Carrot just stared at me for a moment before smiling and set down a blow with a fruit salad in it.

“She made this for you too.” He said with a small smile and a nod and I was thankful I’d have something to wash down the rest of the meal with.

“Will she be alright? I don’t know around here but back home the only time someone bleeds from their nose is when it gets hit.” I asked as I started on the fruit salad.

“Oh she’ll be fine don’t you worry none about her.” Carrot started washing the pans humming softly. “So what your plans for today sticking around Ponyvile for a while?”

“No I need to get back to Canterlot, need to discuss something with the Princesses.” I sat the bowl and headed for the door. “Tell Pinkie “thanks for the meal” for me would you?”

“No problem Roe!” He called back to me as I headed out of the bakery.

I did need to get back to Canterlot I had to make a stop at the hospital even though I really didn’t want to. When I entered I seen the same white mare I had left Scootaloo with the day before. She had a happy if very tired smile on her face when she seen me. I had a hard time returning the smile largely because I DID NOT want to be in this place.

“Ah Mister Roe good morning and how are you today, need a check up?” She offered tiredly but cheerfully.

“No thank you, I’m doing quite well, just wanting to see if Scootaloo got a clean bill of health.” I was trying my hardest to remain smiling but when hers fell so did mine. “Alright what’s wrong with her?” She looked very uncomfortable but nodded her head indicating to follow. She led me to a small office and picked up a file on the desk.
“Mister Roe you must understand that I wouldn’t be sharing this info with you, doctor/patient confidentially and all, but you are the closest thing she has to a family right now.” She said sorrowfully as she opened the file. “Scootaloo as a rare condition called Fibrodysplasia it well…oh how do I put this…” She trailed off seeming to try a find a nice way of putting it.

“If I’m translating the word correctly it’s some form of aliment that affects the bone and or muscle development and if I had to guess her wings correct?” I asked leaning up against the door frame.

“How….how did you know?” The nurse asked in shock.

“Needed to learn a thing or two about the felid when I was younger. More importantly is her condition curable or only treatable?”

“No..sadly there isn’t a cure but it’s very treatable. Lots of calcium, protein, and exorcise and she should be flying in her mid to late 20’s very late for a pegasus but better late than never I suppose.”

“That’s it? No medicine, surgery, or magic as an option?”

“Only in the most severe cases and magic would likely do more harm than good in this case.” I had raised my brow at that. A people ever so dependent on magic wild weather and animals are scary, and magic wouldn’t help in this case? I didn’t get it thankfully I got an explanation. “You see healing magic is very rare because it has to correct what is wrong physically and magically. That normally means pouring magic into the injury but that can sometimes cause a disruption in the flow of magic the patient doing far more harm than good.”

Healing magic back home worked differently but since the largest part of it was handed down from the gods that made sense. Plus while everything back home had some aura of magic, it was now where near to the level this world had. Magic here seemed to be more tied to great master plan and going against that caused problems. Magic not being able to use for healing was not the only indication of that. Ever since I set foot on this world I’ve been feeling the magic of it attacking me almost, clearly saying as if I didn’t belong. This feeling of not belonging here wasn’t unfamiliar territory for me. I had a similar feeling every time I got too close to the holy capital of Vale. It wasn’t because I was evil I doubted anything evil could stand to get within eye shot of the city. It was more because I was so…chaotic would be the best word to use for it. In a holy city blessed by nearly every good aligned god out there and you’ve told them all to fuck themselves, you tend to feel them glaring at you from the heavens.

“I see…well if that’s all it takes then I’ll be sure to tell her. Is there anything else Miss…?”

“Oh Red Heart, Mister Roe but there is the matter of the payment you left…”

“It wasn’t enough?” I was slightly shocked at the idea that I had under paid for it.

“No not at all you paid far far too much. I was just going to give you back the rest.” She started to move behind the desk but I stopped her.

“How much is left?” I asked as I turned around ready to leave.

“Plenty… you could’ve treated half of the town with how much you left.”

“Then use it for Scootaloo in case she needs medical help in the future.” I threw up a wave as I walked out of the office and made my way to the exit unable to stomach the smell of the building anymore.

Once I got some distance from the place I dry heaved hard but forced myself to keep my breakfast down. I grabbed my flask and started chugging dragon’s breath as quickly as I could. Moments later I felt it taking effect my mind slightly a buzz and my stomach calm but my throat burning from the alcohol. A gasp and a head shake later I put my flask away and wander to the market place planning on picking up milk and eggs for Scootaloo. My words were slightly slurred as I paid for them thanking the mare selling them so early. On my way over pasting a strange little stall that was just opening up as the sun peaked over the horizon. A number of broads with wheels on them a few with poles and handles on them. In my slightly drunken stupor I bought a nice blue one with a helmet and pads. Letting myself inside and placed the eggs and milk in the cooler and the scooter near the door. A brief sloppy written note explaining an idea to build up her wing muscles later I walked out heading back to the city.

I groaned holding my head while walking to the palace and swore a silent oath to kill the sun. Drinking more on the way only proved to worsen the hangover I was now going through. The noise of the city was only a little easier than the blinding light at moment so I walked the streets with my eyes closed. At the main gate to the castle I could hear the clang of the guard’s armor rapidly approaching me.
“We got you this time Roe!” One stallion yelled at me as he got closer making to tackle me.

Groaning from the yell and acting on reflex I quickly drew my kukri passing my finger over the mercy symbol. A quick flip over him and slashing across his back I groaned again from his pained scream and clang of his armor against the stone road.

“ughug! Not so loud.” I said in pain and held my throbbing head with my free hand.

Sadly this did not have the effect I wanted instead a mare, guessing a noble, let out a loud high pitched scream that threatened to split my head in two followed by whistles alerting the rest of the guards. I made a blind dash to the gardens having to slash through two unicorns before they could cast a spell. Even in my hung-over state I evaded the guards and started scaling one of the castle towers after putting the silver spiders on my shoulders. The shear amount of pain they caused in biting me again sobered me up a little, enough to open my eyes at least. My camouflage in place made scaling without detection easier. It was about halfway up the tower I noticed it wasn’t Luna’s or Tia’s towers. I wasn’t really feeling like crossing the entire castle’s roof so with a grunt I heaved myself onto a nearby open window. When I did I got a sight and a smell that I wasn’t excepting or hoping to see.

Two stallions the large one of the two thrusting his hips forward plugging his stallion hood in and out of the flanks of the smaller one. The two joined as they were the smaller one lying on the bed his legs wrapped around the waist of his larger lover their fingers laced together as gazed into the other’s eyes. Another powerful thrust of the larger one’s hips force an almost feminine moan from the smaller one as his member shot out his seed covering his own chest and face.

I reeled back from the unexpected sight and scent that caused me to fall backwards off the window. I recovered quickly enough to see the ground rapidly approaching me. Throwing my left arm out and with a flick of my wrist a barbed anchor and chain fired from the bracer under my sleeve embedding itself in the wall. The chains mere 20 feet became taught quickly yanking my shoulder out of socket and slamming me into the wall with a crunch busting a few ribs nearly causing a scream of pain. I held it in gasping in pain with my head against the stone surface and planting my feet and my free hand against the wall. A painful flick of my dislocated arm the anchor released and the chain retracted back into the bracer. Climbing back down with one bad arm throbbing in pain was just as unpleasant as the last time it happened.

“Hault in the name of the Princess!” A guard shouted at me as soon as I got back on the ground making me pin my ears down. It was at the point I noticed I was surrounded by 8 guards their armor clanging loudly.

“For the love of the gods stop the noise.” I complained as I garbed my kukri making the guard charge at me. The two pegasusi were the quickest but not my concern at the moment, the three unicorns were. I dodge rolled past the pegasusi giving one a slash across the back dropping him then jumped straight back into one of the one of the three earth ponies trying to charge. My weight coupled with the weight of his armor knocked him off balance and fell backward. I continued moving rolling with the fall and using my legs like a spring dashed to the far left unicorn. A flick and twist of my wrist sent the blade across his throat and he quickly fell in heap. The sound of to spells heading my way made me roll onto the unicorn I just down and dropping my blade as I took him with me. The spells impacted with a small explosion making me groan again from the noise. My good hand free now I reach into my belt and threw a flash stone blinding the group briefly. Moving forward I scooped up my blade and dispatched the other two unicorns before they could cast another reckless spell. The remaining pegasus charged bringing down his sword aiming to cleave me in half. Passing my finger over the “sundering” symbol I brought my blade to meet his sword. My blade passed through his like butter the cut length of his sword stuck into the ground by the tip and returning to the mercy symbol I slashed him from shoulder to hip. As he fell I charge to the earth ponies that were helping their friend get up and with a wide arching swing took all three of them down.

A massive bright flash and a pop brought my attention to the sky were I saw very pissed off Celestia dive bombing a look of pure hate in her eyes. Luna was right behind her “sister” overlooking the scene with a stern look on her face. As Tia descended her normal white dress burst into flames bright golden armor took its place and a large white and gold claymore in her hands. I stood my ground raising my arm wondering if my bow could take the impact without breaking. Tia’s giant blade came screaming down bright orange flames coming off it. The blade was suddenly blocked by Luna, like Tia her dress was gone and the same armor she had as Nightmare took its place. Tia’s eyes burned with shock and betrayal as her claymore impacted with Luna’s halberd.

“Luna why!? He has slaughtered our little ponies and you defend him why?!” Tia screamed and her lover and making me drop my blade again and cover my ears.

“Look around sister! How could he slaughter them without drawing a single drop of blood?!” Luna shouted back in a booming voice and I fell to the ground about able to take the noise anymore.

“W-what?” Tia stuttered as she gazed at the down guards finally noticing the gentle raise and fall of their chests. “H-how did…”

“I sensed that they had entered the realm of dreams sister.” Luna carefully pushes the claymore back and gripped Celestia’s hand. “Calm thyself Celestia and look before acting.”

I was able to pull myself from the ground and start pour water from my flask on the faces of the three earth pony guards a few quick coughs and head shaking later they where awake again.

“Good hustle boys, but better luck next time.” I hissed as I picked up and put away my kukri. The two alicorns looked on in confusion then a grimace as I slammed my shoulder into the tower wall popping it back in place. Grunting and hissing in pain I slowly placed my arm in the belt of my quiver using it as improvised sling. I let out a sigh of relief as I felt the pain dulling and relaxed my arm. When I looked back at the rulers they had confused yet stern looks on their faces. I could only think of one appropriate response.

“What?”

“So let me get this straight. You took it upon yourself to give Captain Armor the chance to train the troops by being an infiltrator. But you failed to inform us or the Captain that you would sometimes “not be in the mood” and use the front door. And we had to spend the last hour ensuring the populace that it was just a training exercise. Also in the process dislocated your shoulder. All because you got drunk and were dealing with your hang over.” Celestia said a little louder than she needed to her left eye twitching. She tapped on the table of the gazebo we had gone to with her finger. Both of the sisters were back in the royal dresses all of us seated at the table. Tia looked ready blow her top but Luna for some reason seemed to trying to hold back her giggles.

“I said I do stupid things when I’m hung over what more do you want?” I asked as I smile tiredly at the maid that had brought the items I requested. Using my right arm I cracked the egg into the tall glass and put a dab of the hot sauce over the yolk. The alicorn’s looks shifted to slightly disgusted as I poured some of the pickle brine into the glass. Confusion was added to the look as I took the fine near powder-like coffee grounds and made two lines. They gasped as I quickly snorted the coffee lines and quickly chugged the egg mixture. I shivered in slight disgust as my face contorted forcing down the veil mixture. I heard a slight thud as the maid that had brought it out fainted on the spot. My headache was fading fast as washed my mouth out with water swallowing. I let out a smile and chuckle at the green faces of the guards and the sisters.

“I guess you’ve never heard of a prairie oyster?”

“Wh-ugh Why did you drink that?” Luna asked looking like she was doing all she could to keep from retching Tia wasn’t looking much better.

“What can I say they are great for hangovers, but back to why I am here.” I quickly gave a rundown of what Scootaloo told me. Tia looked heartbroken while Luna was outraged both promising to look into the matter. That’s when I caught the sound of hoof steps approaching.

“Auntie Tia, Auntie Luna, Good morning to you!” An obviously privilege stallion called out waving with a smile on his face. He was tall with a white coat and blonde mane wearing a white suit of some kind. Close behind him was a shorter stallion with a sandy coat and dark brown mane wearing a black suit. I guessed he was some sort of assistant.

“Ah Blue Blood good morning to you as well.” Celestia said switching to her motherly ruler act. “What brings you out here so early?” She asked when they got to the table.

“I heard the stallion that gave my “dear mother” a piece of his mind was here and I just had to see him for myself.” He said looking to me and I stood up half excepting a fight. As I looked him over it was uncanny at the resemblance. Were it not for the more masculine features he could have passed for Platinum. He stepped closer to me and looked into my eyes an unreadable expression on his face. Then he suddenly smiled and gave me a hug making me wince because of my shoulder. Thanks to the coffee grounds up my nose I hadn’t been able to catch his scent but at this close range it was impossible to ignore. The hug over he stepped back and smiled wider up at me.

“I simply cannot thank you enough Ambassador my life has been sooooo much more enjoyable with that hag of a mother mine out of the city.” I blinked a times confused and reached out with my good arm offering him a hand shake which he quickly took. “If you ever need anything, and I do mean anything please me know I’d consider it my honor to help you.”

“Um..sure I’ll be sure to remember that Blood…” I said slightly unsure how to take this turn of events.

“Splendid! absolutely splendid!” He gave a quick smile and bow then turned walking off. “Sorry that I can’t stay and chat but I simply have too much work to do, come along Marker.” He addressed his assistant as he walked passed him. Marker as I was guessing his name quickly nodded but instead of following he walked up to me.

“Thank you so much.” He whispered with blushing cheeks then turned to catch up with Blue Blood.

I sat down back in my chair with a thump then looked over to the sisters again. They both shared a slightly worried look as they gazed back at me their cheeks ever so slightly flushed.

“Yes I know, and yes I’ll keep it a secret.” I said switching to Elysium once the stallions were out of ear shot. “I guess his mother doesn’t approve of his love life?”

“Yes she is VERY traditional.” Celestia said with a frown and relaxing slightly.

“Well…I’ve seen stranger…” I sighed as I rubbed my temple gently. “I think I need to sleep off the rest of this hang over I’ll see you to later I guess.”

“Sleep well Roe.” Luna said as we all stood going about our business.

The Void

Loud shrieks echoed throughout the void as a vaguely humanoid shape struggled against the chains binding it place. The chains clanged and jingled as it writhed trying to free its self.

“Yes Yes I know my dear but after what you did today I simply can’t trust to you to be free.”

The figure screamed loudly pure rage shaking the void.

“I know I know and you’ll get your time I promise, but until then you have to set and watch.” Discord said with a snap of his eagle talon a TV popping up before the figure. “And since I now have to delay my wonderful return to Equestria you can set down and be quiet.”

The figure screamed again, savagely trying to get to the image on the screen.

“There is no keeping you quiet is there?” Discord sighed deeply and pulled his ears off his head tossing them away as made his way to his chair with a chess board floating upside down beside.

Discord stared at the chair in question.

“Ahem Discord made his way to the chair.”

Discord looked up into the void. “Really? I mean Really? You are seriously using this tired old cliché.”

“….Umn…..Yes?”

Discord face palms hard with a loud smack. “Do you really not have anything better than that? Honestly the entire crazy chess board that only I could possibly understand the rules to?”

“You got a better idea?”

“No not really but I’ll do the short hand version for you.”

“Discord twirls his beard making vague notions about what side he is on and wither or not Roe is important and deadlines. There I did what you was going do in probably a few hundred words too many when the readers could tell where you was going the second you let them know it was me.” Discord said with a smug grin.

“……I guess you have a point.”

“Good now say you’re sorry for taking so long to get this out.”

“Sorry people been fighting writers block ill try to get the next one out faster.”

“Very good LonelySoul”

“Shut up Discord.”