Those Thirty Days

  I stood up from my bed, a smile across my face. I had no work that day, nor any work planned for the next month or so. I had no family engagements to attend to, which made me all the happier as I made my way to the living room. I took out the left over macaroni, throwing it on the stove, waiting for it to heat up as I smiled and hummed to myself. It was a good day, and there was nothing that could change that. As I waited, the sound of my phone ringing caught my attention, which struck me as odd since very few ponies knew my number. I walked over, putting the headset on before flipping the answering button as I moved back to the stove to watch my breakfast cook.

  "Hello, you've reached the residence of Calculated Risk, certified statistician. How may I help you?" I said without even thinking as I watched over my food.

  "Risk, is that you?" The voice of my half-deaf aunt Parsley Stalk assaulted my ears as she shouted into the receiver on her end. Lowering the volume on my headset, I took a breath and replied.

  "Yes, this is he." I said in a louder than normal voice.

  "Ah, good, I finally got you." She said, her voice lowering a tad, though I didn't dare touch the volume control. "I was meaning to ask you if you could make it to my birthday party." I gave a little less than long-suffering sigh and gathered myself to reply.

  "Auntie, your birthday was last month, I was there." I replied as lovingly as possible. "Your next birthday isn't for a bit more than eleven months still." I took the spatula from its holder in my teeth, stirring the macaroni slightly as I waited for a reply.

  "I know, I know, dearie, but I can always plan ahead, can't I? I'll be Sixty-seven next year, and you know how big of a number that is for me." She confided for not the first time. She had been turning sixty-seven for the last twenty-three years. "Will you be able to come to it?"

  "I'll try, auntie, but planning this far ahead is a bit tough." I told her in all honesty after setting down my spatula down. I heard something being said on the other end, but it wasn't direct to me, so I was unable to catch it.

"WHAT?!" She shouted into her telephone, causing me to flinch away from my headset, though since it was latched on through an adjustable strap, that was unlikely to actually happen. I sighed once more, feeling another surge of exasperation towards my senile aunt. I loved her, but she could be a chore to talk to at times.

  "I said, I'll try, but planning this far ahead is going to be tough thing to do." I repeated, almost shouting to my end. I removed the pan from the heat, setting it on the cooling rack.

  "Oh, I understand, dearie, it can be tough to plan with a schedule like yours." She replied, one of the first sensible things she had said that conversation, I noted. "You're such an important business pony, such a leader of the people. You go out there and show them what you learned in that university, you show them makes fun of our family." At this point, I chuckled at my aunt's antics.

  "Will do, auntie." I replied with a smile. She had that uncanny ability, to make you smile by the end of it all, no matter how much of a headache she caused to get that point.

  "Well goodbye, dearie, hope you have a wonderful day." She said before hanging up on her end, not even waiting for me to reply. I shook my head, setting the headset to the side as I moved the macaroni from the pan to a plate. Even though I didn't like her the most, not that I was very fond of any part of my family at that point in time, but by the end of the grueling trials I'd go through, I would plead to be able to see her once more, if not to just apologize for all the thing I did and didn't do.

  Setting the plate down on the  table, I walked over to the front door, picking up the mail, which I brought over to the table. A letter from a friend, a bill, a letter from a company requesting my particular skills, and a catalog for the upcoming sale at some shop I didn't even know that location of. The newspaper was as interesting as ever, and by that I mean not very. The stocks were up, which was good news for me, and nothing entirely earth shattering was happening, a welcome change from what seemed weekly events centralized in Ponyville or some near by area. It did make sense that there reporters over there, a new princess being crowned in Equestria brings in the views.

  Taking a bite of the reheated macaroni, I looked over to winning lottery numbers, more out of curiosity than actually having any thing riding on it. Four, nine, five, one, and one had brought home the day for somepony, if that number had been actually picked, the odds of which were... let's see. I shook my head, shaking numbers loose as I did. I had just finished a gigantic project, I was taking a break from doing statistics. I finished my breakfast, thinking about what to do, finally settling on going to the store, wherever it was, to check out some of their specials. It couldn't hurt to see what they could offer me, though I doubted even then they'd have anything I needed for a price I'd grab it up for. It was at that point, I made the choice that sealed my fate, I stepped outside my house and made my way out of the building into a world that plotted against me, though I knew it not.

I made my way through aisle upon aisle of canned goods, looking between canned beats, canned corn, canned cream, canned... cans. Truly, there were geniuses yet in our society. Moving on, I picked up a bag of chips that was at a discount, not wanting to seem like a window shopper, though I really kind of was at this point. Made my purchase, moving on down the road towards the park, figuring I'd spend the day relaxing in the sun, something ponies who have jobs indoors don't get much of, though they still need it.

  As I walked down the street towards the park, I nodded to a street cleaner, the final pony I'd see before entering the box I now realize. I decided to take a shortcut through an alleyway, an action that, should it have worked, I would've cut ten minutes of my walk, but instead, it added thirty days to it. Stepping into the alley, I felt a pain in my neck, as if a bug had decided I looked good to eat a bit of. I smacked my hoof against it, but instead of hitting a bug, something sharp poked at both my hoof and my neck. Drawing my hoof back, I looked at it, realizing I suddenly felt very tired. Maybe I'd skip the park and head on back home to get some more sleep. After all, I had worked hard to get the last project finished, I deserved some rest. But as I thought about it, my legs gave out and my eyes slid shut as the tranquilizer took effect on my already weakened body.

  I slowly woke up, looking around at my surroundings, but saw only white. The thought crossed my mind I might have died, but I quickly shoved that thought away since I doubted dead ponies had killer headaches, that was unless that dead ponies felt what killed them and I had died from a headache, which would have been a stupid way to go, though there were worst I could imagine. My mind accepted the challenge of conjuring said worse alternatives, and came up with drowning in a toilet, eating too much cheese, and dying from a concussion caused by a beach ball, all equally terrible and yet hilarious. I shook my head, looking around, realizing I wasn't dead and wasn't anywhere I recognized.

  "W-what... where... ah, my head." I put a hoof to my head, still looking around as my headache spiked. "What's going on?"