Hell House: A Vogonverse Nightmare Night

Hell House

A Vogon Halloween Special

Brought to you by L0rd0f7hund3r, Ron Jeremy Pony, MoltenXKid, and TheAtariNerd

Pinkie looked around, glad that Strawberry was old enough to help take care of the other foals, and super glad that there was a small Halloween village that the foals could visit while they went through this haunted house. The pink party pony still wasn’t exactly sure how she ended up here. There was a Nightmare Night party, or Halloween party rather, and then somepony suggested the haunted attractions. Not wanting to be called a scaredy filly she agreed with the idea. She heard the screams coming from inside of the old looking house and instantly she was glad that Andy was standing beside her.

“Pinkie, Darling, there is nothing in there that can possibly be scarier than we’ve faced before,” Rarity said.

“I don’t know about that. I’ve seen some things that were plenty scary on their own,” Diamond Tiara remarked as she stood in line with Silver Spoon and Fredrick. Behind them a snicker could be heard and collectively the three mares turned to see a blue maned DJ standing with her herd.

“See, nothing to be worried about,” Rarity said.

“Uh huh, Rares, Ah dun seen some of the stuff that passes fer scary ‘round here, and Ah’d rather face Tirek again than some of the things Ah dun seen on ‘em scary movies,” Applejack said.

“Darling, whatever it may be I doubt that we’ve got too much to worry about,” Rarity replied.

Looking past Applejack she saw Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Ark as they made their way toward the line. So far, their merry group seemed fairly large. Herself and John;Applejack, Anthony and Roseluck; Pinkie Pie and Andy; Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Ark; Vinyl, Octavia, Anastasia, and Mason; and finally Diamond Tiara,Silver Spoon, and their husband Fredrick were gathered together. At some point the suggestion was made that they go to a haunted attraction, and a quick search by a few of their Digital Assistants had revealed that this was the most popular one.

Stepping closer to the building she watched as several people walked through the door, it closed behind them, and then the sound of an old victrola could be heard where they were. The music sounded, off, distorted, and very offsetting. Inwardly she cringed. The door opened again, and their group moved into the room. Once it looked like they were all inside the door closed, and then the room went completely dark.

“Ah, our newest group of interns. Welcome to Dr. Vendacutt’s Asylum for the Criminally Insane. I am Head Nurse Ratchett, and I will be leading you through the facility. Please, remember that the patients here are very dangerous, and do not, I repeat, do not approach them without the help of the orderlies,” Nurse Ratchett said.

“I’m already shaking,” Vinyl whispered to her herd before continuing to snicker, “Alright, let’s get this fright train a-rolling.”

Nurse Ratchet snapped her fingers and the lights flashed on, nearly blinding the group. One by one, candles lit down a hallway. On either side, metal doors with numbers and patient names became illuminated. Once the hallway was fully lit, the nurse began to walk; the sound of her heels, echoing throughout the hallway.

She passed a couple of rooms before stopping at one and clearing her throat. Then, she reached and grabbed the patient’s chart.

“Ahh, Mrs. Rebecca Anderson. A truly sad story. After being divorced by her emotionally abusive husband for not being able to bear children, she snapped. She would kidnap men, pretend they were her husband, and then when they didn’t play along, she would cease the fun. Nowadays, she mostly talks to herself about her first husband and play with the doll we gave her.”

One by one, the group went past the viewing window. Some of the group, skipped the viewing, seeing as the patient deserved some privacy. The patient only sat in her chair, moving only to reposition herself.

“I empathize for her really,” said Andy, looking from the window to his wife, “I mean, what she did was wrong, bu-”

“You...you sound like a good husband,” the patient spoke, “Ple-please...won’t you be mine?” Mrs. Anderson spoke. She dropped her doll, rose from the chair, and began to limp to the door, “Say yes. I can be the best wife. Cook, clean...anything. Just. SAY. YES!”

“I’m sorry, but no. I’m already married.”

“JUST. SAY. YES!”

Rebecca ran to the window, smashing through the glass. She grabbed Andrew by his shirt and brought him closer. She became to scream and shrill as she jerked the poor man around. Others stood in shock until the orderlies- deformed looking creatures- came from around a corner, slid a needle into Rebecca’s arm, and loosened her grip around the man’s shirt.

Free, Andrew backed away into the comfort of his wife and friends. They all watched the patient struggle against whatever she was injected with. Before she went fully into the goodnight, Rebecca whispered, “Just say yes”.

“Oh...oh my...sorry about that. Usually she’s so quiet. Hmm, anyway, onward with the…’fright train’,” you called it?”

They moved further into the house, deeper into the Asylum, and through the halls the sounds of screams echoed. Nurse Ratchet stopped, checked another clipboard, and shook her head, “Issaic Hayes, a devout pastor, is right in here. Issaic unfortunately had a belief in catching innocence before it had a chance to be lost. He wanted to ensure that his flock was truly able to obtain heaven, so he slaughtered those without sin.”

Vinyl snickered at the backstory, and stood near Octavia.

“Oh dear… I ask that all of you remain near the center of the hall, it appears that someone left Issaic’s door open last night,” Nurse Ratchet said.

Vinyl giggled until something grabbed her tail.

“Do you want to go to heaven?” a voice asked.

She felt a hand move around her waist, “I can do that. Make sure that you enter paradise, never have to suffer again, and live forever.”

The cold feeling of something pressing against her throat stopped the giggles. This felt real, too real, and it the joke was over. Her horn started to light up when she felt something hit it.

For a moment she closed her eyes, scared of what might be happening, when the hands loosened around her, letting her fall forward, and scamper on the floor to the group from the darkness she had been dragged too. She felt two arms around her, and she grabbed onto them, soft whimpers coming from her.

“Well, I believe Issaic is being sedated, so perhaps it would be best to press on,” Nurse Ratchet said.

The group moved, slowly, further into the hall, squeezing together tighter than before. They reached a large circular area with several stain glass windows in the ceiling. Blood red, off green, and deep purple lights lit the room.

“Ah, our new interns. Head Nurse Ratchet, I’ll take part of them with me. I need to visit the basement and ensure that the electroshock therapy area is operating correctly. If you don’t mind take your group toward surgery. I believe they need a few attending,” a tall man wearing goggles on his forehead, a long white sleeved shirt, white apron stained with blood, and black shoes said.

“Of course Dr. Vandacutt, Everyone on the right side of the room come with me, everyone on the left, please go with Dr. Vandacutt.”

Pinkie let out a whimper as a glass wall came up from the floor. She looked at Andy who had been separated from her. She started to bang on the wall, but felt a hand wrap around her wrist.

“Pinkie’ it’s okay. Anthony is with ‘im, and he ain’t gonna let a thing happen to yer husband,” Applejack said.

“Come along, we have much work to do,” Dr. Vandacutt said as he began walking toward an old wooden door.

Nurse Ratchet simply nodded as she began to to walk away, ushering her group to follow. Octavia looked towards Vinyl with an worried expression before being led off by Mason, who seemed to barely keeping his cool. Anastasia took a deep breath as she took the hand of the DJ and walked with the other group. Rarity, with a few strands of hair popping out, followed the rest the Nurse.. Ark watched hopelessly as Fluttershy was whisked off with the others. Rainbow Dash was by his side, gripping his upper arm in an attempt to keep him from chasing after. Not for the first time did the former Army soldier regret not bringing his shotgun with him.

“It’s gonna be okay,” Rainbow whispers to her lover, “she’ll be fine.”

“I’d like to believe that,” Ark replied, “I know she’s tougher than she let's on, but still…”

“She’s been through worse,” Dash retorted, “and besides, if it gets bad enough, she’ll have Big Mac and Anthony with her.”

“Kinda wish I brought my KSG.” Ark added.

“Yeah,” Dash said, “you and me both.”

Ark and Dash fell back into the group following Nurse Ratchett. The unease the others were feeling was shared by the high flying Pegasus and her cyborg husband. The further the group went along, the darker and more ominous the asylum became. Even Applejack was started to lose what nerve she had. The sounds of the sanitarium made the tension rise much higher. The various moans and screams of the inmates drove anxiety into each of the “interns,” a leaden stake driven deep into their psyches.

“Surgery is just around the bend here,” Nurse Ratchett said, “please be sure to wash your hands thoroughly and don the proper surgical scrubs.” Then, as an aside, “By now the greater part of the blood should be washed off the floors. Do be cautious, though; the janitors around here aren’t always very fastidious in their duties.”

The stench in the air was heavy as the group entered the room. It was thick with death and rot, but it looked mostly clean. On a table in the middle there was a figure covered with a sheet, a deep red stain near the middle stood out. Walking toward it Head Nurse Ratchet lifted a clipboard and looked at it.

“Hmmm…. Terrible, it seems that Dr. Addams was attempting to graft a new heart into Ms Ottoman. Hmmm, shame,” she said as she pulled back the sheet revealing not a woman, but a man dressed in a lab coat, his face locked in horror, his eyes wide and glassy.

She backed away, grasping the clipboard, looking terrified, “D… Dr Addams!”

Insane cackling began to erupt from above them, around them, and from behind as well. The door they just entered through slammed shut, and the sound of it locking could be heard.

“Ah, more patients! Dr. Addams didn’t have a heart, and so I gave him one,” a voice said before the lights dimmed.

“Now I really miss my shotgun,” Ark whispered harshly, “Dash you think got enough room for some air?”

“I don’t know,” Dash whimpered, “I didn’t get to see where the ceiling was. It meet be twenty-five meters or only ten meters above us.”

“Shit,” Ark groaned, “I guess I need to take the limiters off my cyber-pros, then.”

A single spot light came on, and behind it a woman stepped forward. She was dressed in a patient’s gown, her long black hair done up in two pigtails, but it was the fact that she wasn’t human that really stood out. Her feline ears flickered as she walked toward the group.

“Ah, more men, gentlemen, I believe that all of you could use a special surgery. Becoming the opposite sex should offer you a special perception,” she said.

The doors to the left broke open and several patients ran into the room with them. Several of them rushed the men of the group, tackling them, taking them to the ground. Octavia started to rush toward Mason when she felt something clamp down on her ankle. She looked down at her hoof and saw how it had sunk into the floor. She pulled up, trying to pull it loose, and instead found herself stuck in place.

“Nothing to worry about,” Nurse Ratchett said, “this should be over very soo-”

Her voice stopped as hand grabbed her. Octavia, Dash, Silver Spoon, and Pinkie watched as a patient held her. Another walked toward her, holding a straight razor, and slashed it across Head Nurse Ratchet’s throat. The other patient released her and they watched in horror as their guide fell to the floor and grabbed her throat. She thrashed around for several seconds before falling still.

“The inmates are in control!” the lead patient shouted.

An alarm sounded, and when it did the patients scurried back toward the wall. A door opened, and a disfigured form stood near it.

“RUN!” it said holding the door open.

The group ran toward the door, getting through it, and when it shut the sounds of screaming, clawing, and metal striking the door could be heard.

Looking around, the only way they had was down a set of stairs, and it was pitch black.

“What I wouldn’t give for a drink right now,” Mason sighed.

“Me too…” Ark replied, “Me too…”

Below them, the second group was entering a long hallway hearing the tortured sounds of moans mixed with electricity.

“Ah, the sounds of electroshock therapy. We have several rooms available, and it appears we have a few occupied. Let’s check on a few of them,” Dr. Vandacutt said.

He opened a door, where a man was strapped into a chair. He pulled at his bonds, trying to break loose, and as he did this a nurse walked near him.

“Dr. Vandacutt, Mr. Lucus is ready for his session,” she said.

“Set it to maximum level,” he replied.

“Doctor, that will kill him,” she replied.

“Or it will make him completely docile. Do it, and have our interns step closer,” he replied.

She ushered the group into the room, and then turned the dial all of the way into the red on an older looking machine.

“It’s prepared Doctor,” she said.

They watched as the patient’s eyes widened, bulged, and then exploded from the electrical current. The patient stopped moving, and the Doctor grinned.

“See, the patient is resting peacefully… Nurse… You look unsettled, perhaps you are in need of a session,” he said.

“Um, Doctor?” Fluttershy spoke.

“Yes, Miss-?” the psychiatrist replied.

“Fluttershy,” the buttercream Pegasus answered, “are- aren’t you supposed to be- um, helping the patient?”

“Of course I am,” Dr. Vandacutt retorted, “can’t you see that Mr. Lucus is resting comfortably?”

“Oh, he’s restin’, a’ight,” Anthony said, “he’s restin’ in peace, I tell ya what.”

Diamond Tiara held onto Frederick’s hand tightly, and watched as the Nurse flicked a switch behind her and several doors opened.

Together, Big Mac and Anthony said, “Eenope.”

“No Doctor… You deserve to burn, I… I’d rather face what these patients are going to do to us, all of us, instead of letting you keep doing this!” she shouted.

A wall behind Dr. Vandacutt opened up, revealing a large chamber filled to bursting with inmates. Separating the insane from the guests and the two psychiatric professionals. Insane laughter filled the air around them. The sound of the insanity outside of the room began to swell, deepen, and reach a brand new crescendo. On cue, as it seemed, the glass partition started to slide down slowly. There Vinyl looked behind the group to see dozens of inmates gathering around, prepared to burst through the transparent barricade.

“Shit...someone please get me off this ride,” she said, backing away.

Each inmate seemed to have their own problems. Some seemed to keep quiet as they moved around while others were loud, making their presence known. Others could barely control their bodies as they jerked from one direction to the other while a few were in full control. Running, sliding, some even climbing the walls. Soon enough, they noticed the outsiders. Hushed whispers spread through the imprisoned group; they began to surround them.

A few of the inmates neared them, their arms contorted in painful ways thanks to the straight jackets they had been forced to wear. Several of them let out excited moans, and one of them reached in and grabbed Diamond Tiara. The pink earth pony couldn’t take it anymore. She closed her eyes, let out a scream and ran toward the door. Some of the inmates gave chase, and Frederick followed trying to stop them from tormenting her.

The others neared the mostly gathered together group, before a loud alarm went off, causing them to panic, making them run from the room, and a disfigured being looked into it, bellowing, “Run!”

Heading out the group headed the exact same direction Diamond had headed, going into a hall, dark as a moonless night, and hearing voices. The voices echoed throughout the hall, some of them trembling from fright or adrenaline. Given how the night had transpired so far, it was likely a fine balance of both. They stopped, not sure what was going on, listening intently as the voices came closer…

Anthony was the first to recover from his stuporous catatonia. HE braced himself to attack, waiting until the voices were close enough that he strike. Minute by minute, the voices got closer. The anxiety in the group got so bad, Pinkie’s teeth chattering could be heard over the cacophony of other voices. Soon, footsteps could be heard. Anthony prepared himself, coiling his right fist for a punch. When the voices seemed right in front of him he lashed out…

“Dude, no!”

“OWW!”

“THE FUCK, MAN!”

And that’s when a light came on.

Stunned, Anthony looked down to see who he hit; to his abject horror, his fist had connected with Applejack, who was sprawled out on the floor, massaging a now abused breast. He began to tremble, realizing he just struck his wife. The other group looked upon the scene in various states of shock, save for Ark and Rainbow Dash, who desperately trying to hold in their laughter.

“Oww,” Applejack moaned, “who dun hit mah in mah teat?”

“Ah’m sorry,” Anthony whispered, “Ah’m sorry.”

“Dude,” Dash spat, heaving with exertion not to chuckle, “Tony just hit you in the tit!”

“Dash,” Ark moaned, still barely containing himself, “that ain’t funny.”

“Yer right, Ark,” Dash replied, “it’s hilarious!”

The tension broke after that, with mild laughter filling the chamber the now reassembled group was in. Even AJ, still massaging her abused chest, had to giggle. She then swatted Antony hard in his pecs, staggering the former enforcer.

“ A little ‘tit-for-tat,’” AJ said, wearing a fiendish smile.

“It’s good to see you, too, AJ,” Anthony groaned.

For the next several minutes, the two groups merged back into one. Ark and Dash raced towards Fluttershy and held each other in a comforting embrace. Anthony, Roseluck, and Applejack kissed and hugged, while Silver Spoon reunited with a frightened Frederick and Diamond Tiara. Pinkie got a hold of Andy and squeezed until he turned blue; he got better, though. The reunion of lovers and friends continued for several minutes before a new set of lights came on and a PA system overhead spouted a computerized voice.

“Thank you for visiting Dr. Vandacutt’s Asylum for the Criminally Insane. We hope that you enjoyed your trip into the madness, but be forewarned exiting through the cemetery isn’t advised. Some of our… Experiments, may be lurking about,” a voice said before the door opened to reveal the entrance to a very large cemetery.

The group walked out, several of the individuals happy to be together once more, and once they were through the doors closed with a resounding slam. The gate ahead of them opened and a man dressed in a pair of overalls and holding a shovel looked at them. Clipped to the belt of his coveralls was an antique oil lantern. The caretaker unclipped the lantern, placed it on the ground, then searched through the front pocket of his coveralls before producing a long camp match; he struck the match against the underside of his boot and lit the lantern with it.

“Graveyard duty eh? Well, that’s per the norm. Come on out and we’ll get to work. The name’s Dempe, so you know. Tonight, we’ll be working the Corpse Tunnel; that usually keeps us fairly busy, and you’d be surprised how many folks don’t come to claim their dead,” he said as they walked inside, “Been a busy night so far. Oh, fair warning, some of the dead out here get a little grabby.”

The mist of the graveyard pooled around the group’s feet, chilling them from the ground up. A pregnant silence filled the air around them, anticipation running high between the members of the group. The gloom was only briefly parted by the lantern of the gravedigger; there were no other lights in the graveyard that could be seen. The mist obscured all sound save for the shallow breaths of the group and the plodding of hooves and feet.

It was several minutes before anything other than headstones and mausoleums could be seen by the group.

The quiet amongst the tombs continued until the caretaker pointed out a building that belched smoke into the cold night air. An unsteady light poured from the square windows, from which there was no glass. The facade of the place was featureless; except for the caskets lined up outside on the barren front lawn, there were no accents or decoration to the entire building. The structure sat flush to the side of the asylum. Ark noted solemnly that it was attached to the part of the hospital where surgery was located. It sent a shiver down the spines of several others.

“Come on, this way,” Dempe said gruffly, “and don’t dwaddle. The dogs around here are prone to bite the living as often as the chew on the bones of the deceased.”

“What makes you say that?” Roseluck asked.

“Been noticing some unearthed graves recently,” Dempe answered, “evidence of animal claws tearing up the dirt. Lots of broken coffins, though a few look like they were opened from the inside…”

“Ark, I wanna go home,” Fluttershy said, clutching tightly to the former soldier’s arm. Rainbow also clung to him; in her eyes was a dawning realization that sparked pure terror in Ark.

As the group moved on, the low moans could be heard penetrating the mist that once blocked everything. The crunching of grass that was not of their own doing also echoed in the night. The mist that once surrounded their feet began to thicken and raise until they were all surrounded; visibility dropped to only a couple feet in front of them.

Everyone huddled together, for they didn’t want to be separated again. Soon enough, the moans got louder; the footsteps had grown in number and had gotten closer. Dempe could only let out a sigh as he prepared his shovel.

“Don’t y’all worry none. This happens every so often. Just gotta show the dead who’s boss,” Dempe reassured, “Just...don’t let them get too close.”

Out of the thick fog came a woman, who seemed perfectly fine. It just seemed she had too much makeup up and her moans of “terror” a little faked. The group couldn’t help but cheer up at her attempts to frighten them. It cut the edge off the situation.

“I suppose this is the part where they calm us down, “Mason suggested,” Hey, Octy, get a picture of me with this zombie.”

The DJ walked over, put his arm around the creature, and smiled. (Dempe instead looked confused.) When the creature began to protest or bite Mason, he only smiled more. Octavia hesitantly pulled out her phone and aimed towards her herd mate. Though, from inside the lens, she could see other shadows emerging from the mist.

“Ma...Mason...get away from that thing,” Octy whispered, terrified.

“Octy, come on...I know this place is spooky, but-” Mason started, yet he felt someone grab his shoulder. Quickly, he turned around bringing something along he didn’t expect.

He saw two more “zombies” had gotten closer to him and that one was missing it's arm. Slowly, he moved back towards his group, only to have them back away further. With a questioning look on his face he asked what was the problem. He only received frightened stares or shaking hands pointing toward him. Still, he couldn’t catch the hints. Soon enough, Anastasia ran up and knocked off the appendage that had a firm grip on his shoulder.

“Holy shit!” Mason yelled as he looked at the moving arm on the ground.

“Now, that you all will finally take this serious, how about we get to our destination?” Dempe offered while taking a swing with his shovel at the three creatures; three heads went rolling.

“Dude,” Ark commented, :where I can get me one of those?”

Dempe looked at him sideways and side, “You wanna work here?”

Ark shook his head.

“Then you don’t get one,” the gravedigger said tersely.

“Double fuck,” Ark murmured.

“Well come on,” Dempe ordered, “the night ain’t getting any younger.”

“Or the dead any fresher,” Anthony added.

The old grave digger looked at Anthony and shook his head.

“Those fun little quips might make ya feel better boy, but don’t think that they can save you,” he said before opening a door.

They followed him inside and the smell of rot was thick in the room. A switch was flipped and suddenly they were greeted with the sight of several laundry carts full of body bags. Some of them opened, showing the grizzly and grotesques collect of rot inside of them. One of them moaned, moved slightly before he used his shovel to slam down on the top of its head.

“Okay, graveyard duty. Anything in the black sacks can’t be picked up by family. Those poor souls have the most unfortunate fate of being experimented on in the hopes of finding a cure for some of the more… dangerous pathogens known to man. We’re to take them directly over to the furnace, toss them in, and let them burn. The others will have two kinds of tags. A baby blue tag means family will be claiming the body, move them toward the gate, a ruby red tag means we bury them here. Don’t fuck around,” he said.

Those orders had the effect of making Ark inadvertently shout, “Sir, yes, sir!”

Most of the group looked at Ark, and then looked at the carts in front of them. It was obvious that they were designed to be pushed in groups of two, and so the group grudgingly started pairing off to push the laden carts. Married couples not in herds would assemble around the lighter carts; herding groups assembled around the heavier ones.

There were quite a few red tagged bodies in those carts. Apparently, the Potter’s Field arranged outside the asylum saw brisk business. Ark and his mares were one of the unfortunate few to grab cart after cart of black bag carts. They later describe the act of tossing dead bodies in the furnace as “horrifying.” They were not alone in this endeavor, though. Another herd group, one not part of their tour, was working the furnace as well. A sister pair with their human stallion were tossing corpses into the furnace. According to the stallion, they’d been there for the better part of the night. They had arrived earlier in the evening and had not heard word of either Dr. Vandacutt’s or Nurse Ratchett’s demises.

“That’s a damn shame,” the human stallion, Emile, “especially the way they went out. I’ll miss the morning coffee with those two sons-of-bitches”.

One of his mares, a Pegasus called Flitter said, “She was nice, Nurse Ratchett. Gruff at first, but really rather nice.”

Her sister, another Pegasus named Cloudchaser, added, “She only says that because the nurse dumped all her Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups™ in her Nightmare Night bag.”

“I’d say that was rather nice of her,” Fluttershy remarked, “she wasn’t very- warm with us, but given enough time…”

Fluttershy hiccuped, having recalled the way the head nurse was butchered by her husband and herdmate. Dash was quick to wrap an arm around her best friend to comfort the stricken mare. Tears were forming in Dash's eyes as well, but she didn’t let them fall.

“It is a damn shame,” Ark said, “no one should have to go out like that-”

Then a moan rose from one of the body bags in the cart he was working on. The former soldier began to pummel it down but the undead being within would not back down so easily. Then in a blur, Emile came rushing forward, tire iron in hand, and smashed the implement into the area where the head would be. There was a sickening thud; the from within the thick plastic wrapping went silent.

“Aim for the head,” Emile sternly told Ark, “surest way to make them bastards stay quiet.”

“With what?” Ark asked, “That Dempe said I couldn’t have a shovel.”

“Here take this,” Emile said, pulling out another tire iron, a rusted one, from a satchel on his hip, “it’s dangerous to work here without one. I hope you know how to use it too. It’s useless if you don’t”.

Emile checked the tag on another black bag. He gave it a solitary pat along with the girls before throwing it in. It was hard to tell, but a glimmer could be seen in the corner of his eyes. “Don’t end up like my last partner. I don’t want to throw you in here. I’ve known too many faces in these bags. It gets to you pretty damn fast”.

The smell of smoke rolling off of the furnaces seemed to be getting the two herds. Away from them Rarity and John seemed to be working on digging and filling graves with the Grave Digger along with Silver Spoon, Diamond Tiara, and Frederick. Time ticked on, the smells, the occasional member of the living dead, and a few other ghoulish surprises seemed to creep up on the group until there was an alarm sounding. Everypony looked up, expecting to see the disfigured form of an orderly, but instead the main gate of the cemetery opened, and with it a clear look at the outside world. The group walked toward the exit, seeing a man dressed in a vampire costume.

“Congratulations folks! You’re the first group we’ve had that managed to finish the entire Hell House experience. Of course, since you finished you each get a free t-shirt, and you all get a free seat at the Halloween Town party!” he said, handing them several tickets.

“Party?” Pinkie asked.

“Absolutely, just head right through the Special Cupcakes display, and right on into Halloween Town. Thanks again.”

The time spent in Halloween Town was a vast, and even delightful, departure from the experiences in the Hell House. The walking, talking Nightmare Night creatures of Halloween Town were exciting and cheerful, for masters of fright, that is. Even Pinkie Pie was enamored with the place, even though after sharing a small sip of punch with The Creature from the Black lagoon, she stayed away from most of the refreshments they offered.

Around midnight, the real stars of Halloween Town emerged. Jack Skellington and his ragdoll bride, Sally, stepped out to greet their guests. Rarity was all over Sally, speaking with the sapient doll about fashions and hair grooming. Fluttershy, Diamond Tiara, Roseluck, and Silver Spoon cooed when Sally and Jack shared public displays of affection. Pinkie tried doing the same with her Andy, with mix results.

Not to be outdone, Rainbow Dash tried the same with Ark, after witnessing Rarity and John doing a much better job of being publicly affectionate. Ark would later explain that the resulting dislocated hip was well worth the effort. The foals of several members of the group caught up to their parents, tales of the haunted hay rides, possessed pumpkin patches, and bobbing for candied apples seeming to be the biggest subjects.

Of course, the biggest debate amongst the foals was which team won the Head Tossing Tournament. There was some argument about whether Team Finkelstein has bested Team Oogey Boogey; a similar argument had been raised between supporters of Team Vampire and Team Werewolf. Eagle even bragged about tagging his triplet brothers Condor and Albatross in the back of their heads with a single shot; this earned him a grounding from both of his mothers.

Finally, the entire group, including the foals, walked into the party. The Halloween Town Party was the central event of the haunted attraction. The group walked down to the loads of tables, and took their place in the reserved section. Pinkie Pie giggled as multiple creatures brought out entire batches of cakes, candies, and other goodies. Before long music began playing and Pinkie found herself on the dance floor with Andy. She pulled him close, loving the feel of his arms around her.

“Had fun?” he asked.

“Uh huh, but next time, let’s just have the party at our house,” she said as she leaned her head on his shoulder.

Around them several others had done the same thing, and for many of the couples… It meant a night filled with love, lust, and delightful aches in the morning.

There it is. We hope all of you enjoyed our little random non canon Halloween Vogonverse story. L0rd0f7hund3r, MoltenXKid, Ron Jeremy Pony, and TheAtariNerd.