Mister C: He Pities the Foal!

by Shadowflash

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Random, Adventure, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other
Length: 3115

Mister C, or known as Cursco Balba, Coltacus (C.B. Coltacus), is interviewed for the first time on The Luna Show: Ponytime!
What questions will he endure? Don't know! We'll find out after these messages!

Published 2012-06-03 08:44:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-06-03 08:44:02 UTC

Letter to the Audience

Dear (Insert your name here!),

You have been formally invited to join our showing of Mister C.A Coltacus live on The Luna Show: Ponytime! This offer is a one time guarantee to join our live showing! It can't be passed up. Just fill out your signature at the top to tell us you'll be willing to give us full disclaimer of your wonderous ponylicious face on Television! (Yes, we have TELEVISION!)

Any questions you may have may be asked on our show, LIVE. Yes, LIVE! Did I say LIVE?! Oh, it'll be a terrific viewing!

Please, attend our show at 6:30PM, this monday! Make sure you bring this letter!

*Disclaimer*

I do not fully guarantee entry upon this letter, it's a first come first serve thing. If you miss it, please, enjoy the show's airing, and don't miss it!

TV Host: Robin Bueno!

The Interview of a Lifetime!

"Hello, and welcome, fillies and gentlecolts!", an announcer yelled loudly to the crowd of ponies, all sitting in the stands of a dark, circular area. The announcer was standing on a brightly lit platform, in front of large, box-like, devices that had flashing lights all over.

The announce had a thick, white, mane that covered his forehead. He was large, and a bit on the 'thick' side of the weight table. He wore a thick, red, tie around his neck, and his eyes were a sky-blue colour, glinting brightly in the lights of the platform. Along with this, he wore a thick, blue, jacket that matched the colour of his coat, making it seem like he wore an entire suit!

The lit platform contained a large desk, and three couches. The background was of Canterlot and it had curtains, as if it was displaying it as a window, or something of the sort.

"Are you ready to meet, and greet, the amazing, the stunning, the exclusive and the strong...", The announcer started to go on a bit further, yelling louder, and louder.

"... The exquisite, the dashing, the daring, the superb...", He took in a deep breath.

"Mister, C. A. Coltacuuuuuuuuuus!!!!", He yelled as the crowd went wild, and a large, stallion, walked onto the stage.

He wore large, golden, necklaces around his neck, displaying the words 'Pity' and 'Justice' on them, along with a blue, denim, chest-jacket. His eyes were a amber brown and flared wildly at the crowd. He smiled, revealing his pearly, white, teeth and his one golden tooth.

His entire coat was a chocolate brown, and his mane was up like a fro-hawk, except very curly and flat. A scruff-like beard also attached from the sides of his temples, to the front of his face.

He walked over to one of the couches, that was laid next to the desk, and sat down. The announcer began again as the crowd finally quieted down from their screams of joy.

"Now, to formally introduce myself, I am Robin Bueno, host of The Luna Show: Ponytime! Normally, we air at 8PM, but, tonight is special for all you pony folk! So, enjoy our show!", The announcer, Robin Bueno, turned around and dashed to his desk, spitting down on a thick, black, chair, that spun in a circle for a second. Afterwards, he stopped, facing Mister. C. A. Coltacus.

"Soooo, Coltacus, may I call you Coltacus?", Robin asked.

"Heh. Yeah, go for it.", The thick, raspy, voice of Coltacus spoke, smiling.

"Awesome, awesome.", Robin clapped his hooves together.

"So, I called you here tonight because some ponies are interested in asking you a barrage of questions! They hear about the 'P-Team' all the time, and how it's more than a movie, it's real! Can you confirm that?", Robin smiled brightly, looking at the box device with a grin.

"Well, the P-Team...", Coltacus smiled at the crowd.

"The P-Team is real, Robin. In fact, we don't just make movies, we do heroic stuff! Just, it doesn't involve pony-warlords, it involves the corrupt of Canterlot, and many cities inbetween!", Coltacus received a large cheer from the crowd, making a smile emerge on his face.

"Wow, just amazing. I bet Celestia must be proud of you!", Robin laughed, and Coltacus joined in with a raspy growl of a laugh.

"Okay, next question: Some of us were wondering if you've ever heard of the group called... What was it... 'The Mane Six'?", Robin inquired.

"Hrm...", Coltacus put a hoof to his chin, tapping it lightly.

"I'm pretty sure I have, why do ya ask?", Coltacus responded a moment later.

"Well, I ask because many ponies are wondering if you've ever gathered with 'The Mane Six' and did some combination work with some movies, or maybe stopping crime in the streets of Canterlot?", Robin punched his hooves at the air, imitating Coltacus' fighting style.

"Ha! Well, we have crossed paths. I must say, those mares are fiiiiiiine!", Coltacus laughed, and the crowd gave a loud 'Ooooooooo'!

"Whoa, easy there tiga! Keep it for the mares after the show!", Robin laughed loudly, and Coltacus joined in with a chuckle.

"Anywhoovie, what can you tell us about those mares? Have you ever helped them with any crisis' within Equestria?", Robin inquired a new question, keeping a bright grin on his face.

"Well, those mares are fiiine, as I said before.", Coltacus laughed gently, then continued.

"We have crossed paths on some big targets, such as Discord, when he returned for second time. I swear, that guy just doesn't know when ta' quit!", Coltacus crossed his thick forelimbs, making bulges appear on the upper limb.

"Whoa, Discord you say?! Dang, that's impressive! Now then, tell me about yourself. Perhaps where you grew up, how you got into the crime fighting business?", Robin folded his forelimbs onto the desk in front of him, leaning forward.

"Well, I grew up in Canterlot. All my life, I worked as a grinder of metal. It suited me, until I helped catch a thief, stealing a mares purse! That's when I knew I should join the colthood of crime fighting!", Coltacus smiled, and continued.

"I mostly joined because of that, but also, because my father was a great fighter and inspired me to help others. Even when he was mad, he was still a nice colt. Unfortunately, he passed a year back, along with my mother. Nothing bad, just a regular pony death. May my mums and pops rest in peace.", Coltacus put his hooves together, as if he was praying.

"Wow, sorry for your loss! At least you're taking it well, big man!", Robin stood up, and looked at the audience.

"So, many audience members were invited here because they're big fans. Even some of them are big shots in Canterlot and Equestria, wanting to know more about you, so, why don't we have them ask you some questions after the short break?", Robin smiled as the crowd cheered loudly, and then a pony behind one of the box-devices yelled: "Okay, five minutes until next air".

Robin started to walk off the platform, looking to many of the crowd members. They were eventually handed a microphone and told how to turn it on, when asked. After a couple minutes, Robin went back to his desk, to see Coltacus drinking a large bottle of water.

"Thirsty, are ya?", He asked, laughing softly.

"Yeah, man. Gotta keep up my hydration with lights like these!", Coltacus chuckled as he softly drank his water.

"Thirty seconds until air.", A pony yelled behind the box-devices, once more.

"All right, let's get ready to rumble!", Robin yelled, in excitement.

Music started to play for about ten seconds, it was a cross between jazz and hip hop. Eventually, it died down as all the focus went back to Robin.

"And, we're back from those wonderful breaks! Gotta take a break sometimes to get some snacks from the fridge!", The entire crowd, and Coltacus, chuckled as Robin said this.

"Alright, so, we're going to focus our camera's on the audience, and get some questions for Mister Coltacus here, so, let's do this!", Robin stopped talking at one of the camera's faced an audience member.

A spotlight glared down on a aqua-blue, unicorn, with a white and aqua blue mane. Her eyes were of an amber colour, and the shined brightly as she was finally able to speak.

"Mister Coltacus, I just wanted to start with how amazing you look right now! How dashing you are! I'm a big fan of your work! You make everything so much more safer in Equestria. But, I have to ask, do you have a mare friend, by any chance?", The unicorn's face lit up a bright red, as the entire crowd laughed softly.

"Well, I don't have a mare friend, no. But, maybe after the show I can show you a bit of fun? Hehe.", Coltacus gave out a chuckle, as the crowd went 'Ooooooooo!'.

The unicorn went giddy as the spotlight went off of her, and to another pony. The other pony was a blond-maned, and grey coated pegasus. Her eyes were a bit crooked and made her look very odd. None-the-less, she stated her question.

"Oh, boy,it's my turn! Mister Coltacus, you're amazing! Hehehehe!", She gave a girly giggle, and then proceeded.

"I was wondering, what kind of muffins do you like? And do you like them with butter?", The entire crowd gave a massive laugh, and Coltacus couldn't help but chuckle.

"Well, I prefer Blueberry, with butter and honey!", Coltacus laughed, and the pegasus flew over to him, with a blueberry muffin in her mouth.

"Weueuull, herrr ya gyoa!", She mumbled, as Coltacus took it from her mouth.

"I don't have any butter, or honey, though. I'm sorry!", She frowned at him, but, the entire crowd gave a 'd'awwwww' in response.

"It's okay, I don't mind! Blueberry is great on its own!", Coltacus laughed and took a bite. His eyes went wide as the sweet juices flowed in his mouth.

"Wwwwow! Thuis ish good!", He mumbled.

The pegasus smiled brightly, flying back over to her seat. The spotlight then went over to a different pony, who sat up slowly.

This time, it was a stallion, with a chestnut mane and a cocoa-brown coat. He smiled brightly at Coltacus, and put the mic to his mouth.

"Ah, yes, Coltacus. It's funny to see you. See, back where I come from, there's someone by the name of Mister B.A. Baracus. Funny, isn't it? Anyways, regardless, have you ever wondered what's beyond Equestria? Like, travelled outside of it?", The British-like accent flowed thoroughly through the stallion, as he smiled.

"B.A. Baracus? How funny! Anyways, yes, I've always wondered what's outside Equestria! I've always wanted to go head-to-head with a massive dragon with the P-Team! It would be pretty cool! I'm sure I should do that sometime!", Coltacus punched the air lightly, and chuckled.

The stallion sat down, with a smile, and then the spotlight moved over to, yet, another pony. This pony was a unicorn-mare, that had a mane that was rounded and spiked at the bottom, front. It fell over the side of of her face, and it was coloured a brightly blue, and dark blue. Her white coat glinted brightly as the shining, yellow, light fell upon her.

"Well, it's pretty epic to see you, Coltacus! I don't know if you remember me, though. I was one of the music artists for some of your movies!", She spoke loudly through the mic, smiling brightly.

"I remember you! How couldn't I? You're Vinyl Scratch, haha!", He laughed loudly, and Vinyl Scratch nodded.

"Well, anyways, I was wondering if you do any lyrical things? Such as rapping, or what-not? I wanted to know if you could colaberate with me on my next album?", She asked, a bright grin crossing her face.

"I do some parts of rapping, yes, and a bit of singing. I have a bit of a voice, so, I think I'd love to join you!", Coltacus gave a raspy laugh, as she sat down.

"Aww, seems I have to stop you, Coltacus! We're outta time! Man, how I hate how fast time flies! If anypony has anymore questions, feel free to leave a comment in the drop box below! Coltacus will be willing to answer anything!", Robin laughed, along with Coltacus, as the show's lights dimmed to a blackness.

Your Submissions #1

"Alright, Coltacus, looks like we have a lot of ballets in for questioning! Let's start this off!", Robin threw a bunch of small papers on his desk, opening them up.

"Stardust Comet says: Hello Mister. C!I have a question: Of the Mane Six, who would you say is the finest mare of them all?", Robin looked over at Coltacus, who was laughing lightly.

"Well, they're all pretty dang fine. But, if I had to choose...", Coltacus put a hoof to his chin for a moment.

"I'd either snag Rainbow Dash, or Pinkie Pie. Dang, those ponies are good! But, I worry about Dashy, I hear some things about her that aren't too child friendly.", Coltacus laughs lightly, awaiting the next question.

"Ha! Alright, next question!", Robin picks up another small piece of paper, opening it and reading it aloud.

"Dusty Dreams asks: Mister C! What would be the toughest thing you've ever done? Oh, boy, that's something I'd love to know!", Robin glares at Coltacus, who's just grinning.

"Well, that's easy! The toughest thing I've ever done was help those fine mares fight off Changelings after the wedding. They tried seeping back into Equestria, so, I started punching them out, one by one!", Coltacus lifted his forelimbs, and flexed, his upper muscles bulging lightly.

"Whoooa, easy there tiger! Might get the fillies riled up!", Robin and Coltacus laughed, as Robin pulled out the next question.

"Golden Safe, from Equestrian Accounting, asks: Mister C, How do you manage your surely large amount of wealth? What things to do you spend it on?", Robin stops Coltacus from talking for a moment.

"Hey, Golden Safe, if you're watching this, can I get help for my Bank Account? Somepony keeps seeping money out of my savings! Anyways, go ahead, Coltacus.", Robin looked over at Coltacus, with a smile.

"Well, I prefer to keep my wealth hidden away, just in case somepony tries to take it, or Equestria Stocks crash, or some silly things. That, and I have a manager of my money! What I spend it on? Well, I did what any rich pony did: Buy the things you desired most! Now, I just let it sit, while I wait for the right mare to come along, marry me, and I can settle down.", Coltacus laughed softly, as Robin gave a quick chuckle.

"Alright, here's a good one!", Robin flopped the paper down, looking at Coltacus.

"Parcly Taxel asks: Mister C, What sports or other activities do you do as a hobby? On top of that, what are your views on science and scientists?", Robin clasped his hooves together, making a light 'pop' noise, waiting for Coltacus' response.

"Well, I like to do basketball, bucking -- some new sport where you use your hind legs to fight --, tennis is an alright sport and I enjoy sitting out by the oceanic scenery as a hobby. I find it relaxing after a long day, to be honest.", Robin laughed lightly, as Coltacus continued.

"As for Science and Scientists, well, that's just crazy talk! Why would I answer that question, foal?! Nah, I'm kiddin. I think Science and Scientists are very important for our pony nature. Without them, we'd be less efficient than we are now!", Coltacus crossed his forelimbs, once again, looking over at Robin.

"Well, isn't this a doozy! Time to get it out of the way!", Robin flopped the paper down, and looked at Coltacus.

"Stary Scholar asks: Mister C, What degree did you graduate with? Alongside that, would you consider spending time discussing detailed economics with me, perhaps?", Robin facehoofed lightly, and Coltacus spoke.

"I graduated with the degree of Mister C.B Coltacus, foal!", He laughed lightly, and then put on a bit more of a serious tone.

"No, I graduated with a degree of martial arts in the Academy for Tough Stallions, back in '83. I don't really like talking economics, cause I hate economics! So, no, I wouldn't want to sit down on that!", Coltacus laughed, as Robin read aloud the next question.

"Crank Flank asks: Mister C, I know you said the main six are 'fiiiine', but, which would you date, and what would you do on that date? Well, this'll be fun to hear.", Robin smiled, giving a mocking glare at Coltacus.

"Haha! Well, I'd either date Pinkie Pie or Rainbow Dash, as I said before. What I would do? Whatever interests them! The date is about the mare, not about me! I don't want to be the centre of attention, they should be. I'd, more or less, take Rainbow Dash to a VIP access to the Wonderbolts, and Pinkie Pie to a DJ-PON3 party!", Coltacus laughed softly, alongside Robin.

"Alright, Matrix Mat asks: Mister C, do you like bananas?", Robin's eyes grew wide with worry, as he looked over at Coltacus.

"Yeah, I guess so.", Coltacus smiled. Robin sighed, in relief, as he continued with the next question.

"Crash Croozer asks: Mister C! Have you ever been racing before?! Like, in a stampede, or something?!", Robin yelled a bit as he read the question, and Coltacus just laughed, and started to respond.

"Well, I have been racin' before. Stampedes? No. Hoof-races? Yes. I think I've raced in balloons before, but, I'm not sure. Either way, it was fun, for sure!", Coltacus picked up a glass of water from the table in front of him, and took a sip.

"Well, let's head to commercial, while we wait to read some more submissions!", A pony behind the camera yelled to Robin, and the lights dimmed a bit.

"You're doing great, Coltacus! It's so good to see your enthusiasm! I'm sure the fans love it!", Robin said, smiling greatly.

"Yeah, yeah, of course! Gotta keep that moral up! Haha!", Coltacus leaned back in the chair, awaiting for the five minute break to pass.

"Don't worry, everything will be swell before ya know it! These questions and answers are perfect, so far!", Robin leaned back in his spin-chair, laughing to himself with a bit of a 'fat-laugh', which is a cross between a low-pitched laugh, and some sort of skin vibrating on his chin (Gross).

"Two minutes!", A pony yelled, behind the cameras.

"Alright, let's get back to it!", Robin leaned forward, awaiting for the green light to go on.