Transparency: Q. Mint Jewelip

by StormDancer

Rating: teen
Tags: Random
Length: 32046

The changeling invasion of Canterlot failed. Horribly. Super horribly. Chrysalis kind of blew the lid off of everyling. Nothing left to do but suck it up and get with the times, or so the queen of bluntness believes. All hail Queen Mint Jewelip.

Queen Mint Jewelip is not your average changeling royalty. She's not sneaky. She's not cunning. She's not stealthy or even very good at bluffing.
So, when Queen Chrysalis blows the game for all changelings, Mint Jewelip is left with very few options and even fewer reserves. But…. she has a plan, and with the help of a few good drones, this queen might even be able to pull off the biggest heist in changeling history: Equestria itself.
Or… you know…. not.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2016-09-04 03:24:18 UTC

Well... dang

Recon frowned at what she saw.

Too many in one place led to too many things that could go wrong.

Sure, 'Sleep Dep' had Deep with her, and sure, Deep was good at keeping things in order but no matter how good he was, Sleep was marvelously skilled in the fine art of 'oh-crap'ery.

Frowning, she glanced down to Relay and told the filly to send word to have them break up a bit. Nothing too fancy, just... move a few of them around a touch more so they weren't so obvious. The little pink filly grinned like a bear trap and took wing, lancing out of the window like a lightning bolt and diving straight towards the bagel shop.

Recon rolled her eyes. Stupid little messengers. Yheah, they were quick and all, really loyal too, but as for subtlety? Couldn't hide a bottle of ink in a bucket of black paint in a dark corner under a moonless night.

Even so, she watched the little pegasus filly dart across the street, pull off a landing that would make a flight instructor have a heart attack, and trot into the shop with nothing but a brilliant smile.

Moments later, she was trotting out again, a bagel with cream cheese smeared across it upon her back, before leaping up into the air and darting back up to her hiding place.

"Hey Recon!" the filly cheered.

"Yheah?"

"She said to 'watch yer mouth'!"

Recon nearly swore but then chuckled and opened wide.

A moment later the filly had tossed half the bagel over to be snapped up by her friend while she chewed loudly on her own half.

Recon shook her head and resumed her watch while she simultaneously enjoyed her impromptu breakfast.

Freakin' weird pink sky though.

-~oOo~-

"So, just so we're clear on this," Sleep Dep gestured towards the door, "when they're all busy with the wedding preparations, a few of you will get in there, grab the groom, have Duplicate replace him, and then get the heck out of there so we can keep up appearances."

Deep Thought nodded patiently. It was, after all, the sixth time Sleep had 'outlined' the basis of their plan. The first three tellings hadn't differed all that much and the last three seemed no better. He knew the general score: Recon would scout, Relay would carry non-magical messages, Duplicate would impersonate important looking targets and open up avenues of travel, Mem would log EVERYTHING, and he would personally craft all the fiddly little things that none of the others would think of. Sleep would orchestrate the whole thing, bumbling through it while the rest of them picked up the pieces or planned far enough ahead to move anything 'breakable'... pony or otherwise.

And, at the end of the day, if they all played their parts, the hive would be fed, no'ling would get injured, and nopony would be the wiser. Everyone wins.

Except the groom. He was an idiot.

Deep Thought sighed and continued to filter out Sleep Dep's rambling as she started in on iteration number seven, instead choosing to focus on the particulars of their invasion plan.

Granted, it was no simple infiltration. Breaking into Canterlot was nothing to sneeze at by itself. The Capitol city was a nigh impregnable fortress to begin with, boasting sheer cliffs, drop offs, massive walls, guarded towers, aerial defenses and countless magical arrays. The Guard was stationed around the clock and the Princesses themselves resided within the glistening walls, capable of singlehoofedly moving the sun and moon if they so chose. The risk was immense.

And yet...

If they could pull it off, the payoff would be incalculable.

Not only would they attain renown among the other hives, but they would secure enough food to keep them running for decades.

And all from a single little impersonation that would probably be completely missed after the first night.

After all, there was nothing to gain by holding the stallion after the wedding night... the Princess of Love couldn't really be expected to be a barren field in that regard.

Deep Thought chuckled softly as he started working out the particulars of the infiltration. Oh yes, Sleep would be proud of this one.

Recon watched as Deep and Sleep left the bagel shop, followed a second later by a pair of pegassi. A few moments after, another three ponies left, followed by a rather large collection over the next minute.

She rolled her eyes and muttered in frustration.

For all their skill at infiltration and disguises, the rest of them were freaking idiots.

If it wasn't for her scouting and Deep's plotting, she doubted the lot of them would have been able to sneak past a bowl of deaf tulips without taking the time to accidentally knock over the bowl, step on the tulips, and likely bump into the local Guard while trying to stealthily scream as they startled themselves.

She sighed.

Drones... useless for anything other than drone stuff.

Taking a moment to glance through the window of the bagel shop, she watched as the last of the 'team' sauntered out and began a none-to-sneaky trek along the same path as the other fifteen 'ponies' that had left in the last minute.

"Hey, Relay," she flicked her head towards a tower a few blocks away, "go over to that tower, the one with the blue roof, and wait for me there. If you get stopped, just say you're sightseein'... the Guard love tourists. You'll prob'ly get some ice cream and a quick snack just for bein' cute."

The filly blinked a few times before breaking out in that dang creepy grin again and flitting off across the bright rooftops.

"Really wish the rest of them were even that bright," Recon muttered as she packed up her spyglass and quickly shoved her notes into the scroll case at her side. "Figures that it comes down to us three again when we have to actually do somethin'."

Taking one last glance at the weird pink sky that had been the norm for the last two days of the infiltration, she frowned. Something was just off about this place. Princesses controlling the skies or not, pink just should not be the default color of the sky.

With a shrug, she flicked her charcoal colored wings, scanned the surrounding area one last time and sighted along the skyline for decent observation points. She had to keep ahead of the team after all, and there was never enough forewarning when it came to things starting to go wrong.

Recon leapt from the forth story balcony of the exotic goods tower she had been hiding in. The sign had said "nose cozies" and, though she was no fancy-shmancy Canterlot snob, she couldn't, for the life of her, figure out why the heck anypony would stick a sock on their face.

"Deep Thought, I want you to stand right there and be a distraction for me."

Deep Thought froze as Sleep Dep took that exact moment to inform him of the next stage of her, no doubt, 'carefully crafted' plan.

He had a deep respect for the unicorn. A deep, abiding, timeless, instinctual respect for the wisdom and craftiness of his unicorn 'friend' that spoke of unfathomable trust and a long life of successful plans.

But, at that exact moment, he was weighing his trust against his common sense since she had decided to inform him of his part of the plan while standing not eight paces from a pair of Royal Guards.

"Do you understand Deep Thought? I need you to distract those two Guards and make sure they don't stop me from going into that building and not paying for their services."

Deep Thought began to sweat. The first of the two Guards had turned to look at the pair, his expressionless face shifting to one of blatant incredulity as a plot was outlined directly in front of him.

Deep's mind began to hum with potential excuses. Perhaps he could claim she was just teasing... joking around like so many who thought the Guard weren't allowed to move or react to tourists. Maybe they'd buy the line about winning a bet with the mare over who could keep a straight face after a dare like that. Maybe he could just roll his eyes and smile, defusing the whole thing and getting the Guard to give them 'directions' to the next spot of their 'tour'. Or maybe they'd turn out to be highly trained, diligent, and observant guards, wary of suspicious activity on the eve of a royal wedding, and simply throw them both into the dungeons on principle.

Or... or.... Sleep Dep would walk right past the pair like she owned the place as they smirked.

He blinked.

H-how?

How had she done that?

It wasn't until he looked up at the sign above the door Sleep Dep had entered that he realized what she had done...

She'd set him up for a joke as she went to use the public washroom.

-~oOo~-

She smirked softly as she took a few moments to brush out her coat, savoring the moment as she committed it to memory. It wasn't anything particularly special really, just the simple application of a brush to the soft hairs of her coat and mane and yet...

Sleep Dep took a moment to really study her face in the mirror.

It wasn't a pretty face by her standards. It was lumpy and round in all the wrong places, covered in a bland light green fur with with a mane of creamy white brushed back and held in a simple mane tie. Her horn, a stubby little thing that would look more at home on a hat rack than any self-respecting magic user, had an ugly twist to it, making it look for all the world like nothing more than a cone of lime soft serve somehow growing from her forehead. Even her cutie mark screamed 'boring' with it's coffee cup full of beans.

No, her smile fell, she was an ugly wretch that really deserved a proper makeover.

And so, with a little blob of off-white magic, she unceremoniously yanked a globe of water from the wash basin and slicked back her mane. A second application saw the water vaporized and causing her mane to crinkle into a much more interesting shape, something between a bush and a drunken platypus.

Satisfied with her new look, she gave herself a once over again and nodded as she turned to leave.

Deep Thought thought he knew everything. He always did. But today was going to be different. Today she was going to take over the world.

With a smile, she stepped out of the restroom and back onto the street, just in time to see a massive pink explosion as the shield that had been covering the city shattered.

And changelings began raining from the sky.

-~oOo~-

Deep Thought was torn.

On the one hoof, Sleep Dep had apparently become bored with her manestyle and had decided to change it herself.

On the other, the massive spell which had been 'protecting' the city for the last few days had suddenly shattered.

While he was horrified by the one, the other was potentially catastrophic.

Decision made, he turned to the Guard that had been chuckling until just a moment ago, glanced to the sky, and screamed like a filly.

-~oOo~-

Changelings were crashing into the flagstones and architecture all over the city. Eruptions of green flame and the screeches of invading drones added to the madness. Short sentences seemed to be about the depth of most of the citizens as they ran, screaming, between buildings only to turn around and run back the other way.

This, and more, assaulted Sleep Dep's mind as she looked out across the city.

Something was wrong.

She took a step, the black chitinous body under her hoof yelping at the unexpected touch of a surprisingly heavy unicorn nonchalantly using its body as a flagstone, and approached Deep Thought. She paused to look back as the small black drone struggled to its hooves and considered the situation for a moment.

Turning from the squirming black insectoid body that was pulling itself from its still flaming crater, she looked to Deep Thought (who was currently screaming for some reason), and asked the most appropriate question for the moment.

"Deep Thought, I don't remember requesting a changeling invasion. Why are there drones attacking the city?"

-~oOo~-

Half an hour had passed since the invasion had started and Sleep Dep was not pleased.

She had been working on this plan for longer than any of her previous plans and the idea that someone was ruining it was not sitting well with her.

Deep Thought was working on it, she knew. He always did his best work when being hurled across the sky at breakneck speeds while being propelled by a giant wave of weaponized love.

Or, maybe not. She couldn't really remember if that's how he normally worked things out or if he was trying something new this time.

Maybe. Maybe not.

She'd have to ask Mem later.

Regardless, she knew that this was definitely not how her plan was supposed to have worked out.

It had been flawless, a masterwork of utter genius if she did say so herself, which she took the time to do, just in case she had forgotten along the way.

"This day was going to be perfect..." she started before frowning at a vague memory from a few minutes ago when she could swear she had heard those words being said by someone else.

With a frown, she snorted and continued to ride out the pulse of love, determined to salvage as much of the situation as she could.

Someling had blown their cover. Someling had stomped all over her perfect plan. And worse yet, Someling had ruined her glorious new manestyle for her favorite disguise.

Someling was going to pay.

But, before that could happen, she'd have to get her drones back together and decide upon a new plan.

Just as she began to focus upon her magics to send out a call through her hive mind, the bubble of love burst, leaving her to topple through the sky towards the untamed forests surrounding the city. Flaring her wings in an effort to resume falling with style, Sleep Dep snorted as she dropped her disguise, reverting to her normal white chitin and glorious green mane with adorable brown flecks.

"Deep Thought, Recon, Relay, Mem, Duplicate, Ping.... um.... and whoever else is left..." she started over the link.

A chorus of voices flooded her mind, assuring her of her hive's survival... all 30 something of them. To be honest, she wasn't terribly certain of how many there were... it was a number greater than the number of holes in her legs so she couldn't really be bothered.

But, all that faded in importance as she came to two important revelations.

"I need more coffee," she stated over the link, "and... I appear to be falling from the sky."

The panic that flooded her mind made her smile.

Her little drones must be desperately trying to find that coffee shop again.

And then she blinked as a thought struck her: She didn't remember hearing Recon's voice in the responses.

Recalibricating and Refactoralizaling

Once the panic at hearing that Sleep Dep was falling had worn off, most of the remaining drones had jolted into a state of hyper focus. The organizational blitzkrieg that assaulted Deep Thought led to a series of instructions that flew far too fast to be interpreted as words, instead being forcibly injected into drone minds as fully formed concepts via the hive mind. The result was a nightmarishly fast response with very little in the way of higher order thinking, but what it lacked in appearance, it more than made up for in elegant efficiency.

Instead of a search and rescue or a methodical analysis and factoring of likely trajectories, each and every drone instantly stopped thinking, spun around and inhaled deeply. The impact of that many minds simultaneously looking for any visible or chemical sign of Sleep Dep, coupled with their adrenaline fueled senses, snapped the drones with the strongest scent of pheromones into a frenzied search while Deep Thought sent the rest to swarm the general area.

So when, about eight seconds later, Deep Thought opened his eyes, the noise of more than twenty pairs of buzzing wings assaulted his senses and drew his attention to the quickly approaching cloud of drones carrying a distracted looking Sleep Dep.

Queen Sleep Dep or, more accurately, Queen Mint Jewelip (who, for some reason, required them all to even think of her as Sleep Dep while she was disguised over the hive mind) was looking out over the fields below. The drones, their purpose fulfilled, seemed content to simply hover in the air while waiting for instructions.

Deep Thought frowned again. While he was pleased that the Queen was alright, the fact that she was so distracted that she hadn't even taken the time to address them yet was discouraging. Normally she would be fuming about now, grumbling about failed plans or mistakes made or who she was going to turn into viscous fluids with which to paint a given wall, but instead she was simply scanning the surroundings.

Right as Deep Thought was about to inquire, the Queen looked up and simply stated "She's missing."

A number of thoughts tumbled though the hive mind. Who was 'she,' how was she 'missing,' and of course 'what does missing mean?' So, while the drones buzzed along, thoughts flitting between them as they tried a gestalt approach to reasoning, Deep Thought frowned and began to consolidate the events since that wall of weaponized love had slammed them hard enough to physically launch them from the nation's capital city.

Clearly, 'she' must be referring to an individual, probably one of importance. The contraction-appended "s" implied either an 'is' or 'was', though traditionally 'was' wouldn't work in the given sentence. Missing seemed clear enough. Yet the Queen, to his knowledge, didn't know anyone in the city personally.... let alone anyone ranking high enough in her opinion to be of a concern were they to cease to exist.

Deep Thought was so caught up in his mental gymnastics that it took a sharp crack to the head to get his attention back to the now simmering Queen.

"Deep, I have no time for this. Either fetch me my coffee, conquer Canterlot, or find Recon. Ideally all three in the next few moments, but if not, I expect at least my coffee or Recon. Canterlot might take longer than one cup of coffee."

Deep Thought sighed. If it wasn't one thing with her it was anoth... wait... Recon?

With a blink, Deep glanced around at the small swarm of changelings clustered around their still dangling queen. There was Relay, bright, cheery, and vacant as ever. Tock was still frowning, glancing at the sky every once in a while. WC was hovering, silently, near another drone, his slight blinking the only thing distinguishing the infiltrator from any other drone. And there was.... no sign of Recon at all.

"My Queen?" Deep Thought started, "Have you tried to ask her where she is?"

And for the first time in a very long while, Deep Thought saw a flash of something other than blundering mental plodding from his queen. He saw, he was sure of it, a flash of anger...

"Of course I did! She's not responding. FIND HER." Mint Jewelip growled.

... and a blush of worry.

-~oOo~-

CPR hovered behind his queen while she almost radiated fury. Deep Thought was the one who normally picked out all the little details that the others missed, patched things up, and generally made sure that the hive didn't just spontaneously combust, drown, or float away on a river of lava. Deep Thought was the one who had to plug the holes, direct the drones, and explain complex ideas such as 'fire bad' to the drones that normally swarmed over hives. And even in their own hive, tiny and unique as it was, he usually found enough brain cells between the surrounding drones to rally an idea that would work. And yet, for once, the Queen herself was making Deep Thought realize something was off. CPR could see the worry blooming in Deep's eyes, opaque, glowing blue that they were... they still showed a spark of worry.

While it was not his place to question the queen, it ~was~ his place to mitigate the damage.

Flitting forward, he carefully brushed up against his queen's side, causing her to glance down. "A moment of your time, Highness?"

When Mint Jewelip blinked, probably trying to remember which one he was, CPR struck. With a grin he flitted forward, threw his hooves out and spun around.

"What a marvelous retreat, My Queen! Not only have you rescued the hive, but you've tricked another Queen into taking the blame! You've made sure that, while some idiot swarm will get the boot, we'll be off with no one the wiser! Truly a masterful move! I. Am. Impressed."

As CPR smiled, he scanned the faces of the surrounding changelings.

Deep Thought clearly hadn't bought it, but he seemed to be about the only one. Even WC seemed at least unworried... which didn't mean much since he was as unreadable as ever, but that's infiltrators for you.... stubborn with giving anything away. Still, better blank than panicking.

Completing his turn, he came back to face his queen and nearly choked on his own tongue.

She was staring at him.

"You.... whichever one you are... shut up. Recon is missing and we must find her," she reached over and idly pushed CPR to the side, "now."

-~oOo~-

The preparations had been brief. Deep Thought flicked through the collected memories of the drones, scoured the recollections of the more intelligent hivemates, and asked the higher order thinkers like Mem and CPR what they could recall about Recon's last communications.

He had surveyed the area, taken measurements, and eventually hacked up a glob of glowing green goop which he hardened into a flat surface upon which he began scratching out notes and measures.

Ultimately, he had given his conclusions to the Queen, who had finally relocated the hovering swarm of changelings down to the forest floor.

"I'm sorry Queen Jewelip, but I'm afraid everything suggests that she's either dead or that she was taken by the other queen."

Mint Jewelip frowned. How exactly such a thing worked with chitin was still a mystery, but the changelings had long since given up trying to worry about such things as medical science. After all, in a society where accidents claimed lives at the exact rate at which they were replaced, medicine was nearly a luxury.

"Then I shall have to have you all prepare to extract her from that queen... whichever one she is."

Deep Thought blinked at the statement. "Surely you could just replace her?"

And then, much to the surprise of every intelligent drone in the area, the queen simply frowned and said, "No. I cannot."

The anxious buzzing of wings echoed her response. The drones, mindless drones at least, were ready to go, to throw themselves under a mountain or into the gears of a great war machine if need be. They never questioned, never truly thought. But the others, the small clutch of rational, reasoning beings that hovered around the area nervously, they shifted uneasily.

"My Queen, wouldn't it be easier to simply spawn a new spy? You're risking more to attempt to reclaim her than if we were to simply hide for a few weeks and try again. We could be discovered." He paused to gesture back toward the city, "We could be removed entirely."

And then Queen Mint Jewelip did the second thing that day that Deep Thought had never seen: She smiled.

"Indeed, but I'm in her, and I'm a little bit disconnected right now."

Courtly Meine

A gold shod hoof supported an increasingly heavy head as Princess Celestia, alicorn co-ruler of Equestria, tried to keep her eyes open. It was well past her normal bed time, something that many a royal guard would softly chuckle about behind closed doors but, with the days events, well... she was rather determined to see a few new protocols put into practice.

A feat that would have been made much easier were it not for this long winded, rambling, run-on-sentence loving, dust collector of a noble who seemed intent on making a practical demonstration of the tactical use of hypnotic filibusterer. The stallion had been going on and on about something for the last twenty minutes at least, a feat which would be impressive if not for the blatant waste of air which seemed his most defining trait. The corn-straw mane, done up in a prissy swirl, to his milk-wash coat spoke nothing if not pampered brat... and while she loved all her little ponies, Celestia had been idly reconsidering this particular individual.

Thankfully, her musings were brought to a close by the faint sense of another's approach. Her ears, ever so sensitive, tuned out the droning noise of the stallion to focus upon the light tapping and delicate ring of silver upon the polished stone of the hall beyond the throne room.

Few could be said to be identifiable by their hoofsteps, fewer still to be distinguished by their gait, but Celestia had had centuries to become familiar with, and a millennia to miss, the long stride and delicate step of her sister, Princess Luna.

With a pleasant smile, Celestia raised her hoof, bringing the noble to a stop... a blessed moment of silence... before nodding politely and addressing him.

"No."

Celestia had to muster the full weight of thousands of years of political and diplomatic experience to keep herself from smirking at the stifled laugh of her guards, but she managed to maintain the perfect image of compassionate care she was so known for.

"No? Your highness? Perhaps I misundersta-" the stallion started, only to be silenced once more as the throne room doors swung open with a a gentle tinkling of magic.

"Nay servile underling. 'Tis thine own greed that has laid your mind to misread a simple decree. Mine sister, YOUR Princess, hast let it be known that she finds your plea... lacking." Princess Luna strode purposefully through the throne room, glancing at the noble as he blinked at her response.

The stallion, for his own part, attempted a valiant rallying of his mental faculties, but only managed a slight squeek as Luna tapped her hoof and he realized that he had neither bowed nor, much more troublingly, removed himself from the lunar diarch's intended path to her throne.

Once more, Celestia found herself mustering every ounce of will she had to keep from crushing her sister in a loving hug. Say what you will about 1000 years of banishment, but there were definite benefits to having an undiluted regal bearing and severe image with the nobles.

-~oOo~-

Luna's throne was several hooves shorter than Celestia's.

Luna's bed was several legs shorter than Celestia's.

Luna's tenure as ruler of Equestria was several hundred years less than Celestia's.

All of these things were facts that the lunar princess was well aware of. Celestia was taller than herself. Celestia was larger than herself. Celestia hadn't been sequestered to the moon as a form of damage mitigation and last-ditch effort of sparing all life on the planet as she had been.

And for one brief moment, Luna simply could not understand how things had become so lax in her absence.

Yes, she had spent months pouring over legal texts and scrolls. She had wiled away entire days trying to reconcile some of the finer points of etiquette that had come to pass in her absence. She had even employed the use of a tutor in modern language until it became obvious that the insufferable fool was illiterate.

She briefly reflected upon that last thought, correcting herself at the memory of finding the written language had changed enough that the mare had been proven to be capable, though not an expert on 'dead' languages.

Still, here she was, waiting for some ignorant wretch to move that she might ascend to her rightful throne.

And, after several seconds, she had deemed him too simple to likely come to the appropriate conclusion on his own.

Her sister would be proud of her, she had not decided upon banishment. She smiled her best smile and looked to the quaking stallion that sat upon her carpet.

"Move, lest you are desirous of a trip to my moon."

The stallion, appropriately motivated, fled the room with all due haste.

"Luna, we do not threaten our subjects," Celestia scolded, though mirth was clear in her voice.

Ah yes... one more thing that Luna was less than, in comparison to, her sister...

... the numbers upon the scales.

Luna smirked as she took her throne, giggling softly as Celestia tipped her head questioningly.

And the damn broke as Celestia's confused expression brought laughter the lunar diarch was certain she had long forgotten.

-~oOo~-

"So, Luna, as I'm sure you are aware, while you were napping today, we were invaded by a hostile army with the intent to overthrow our leadership and subjugate our little ponies," Celestia said between sips of tea.

Her sister, Luna, tilted her head and rolled her eyes at the display of 'civility' that Celestia was taking about the whole thing. Yes, she had slept through an invasion but, in her defense, it had all taken place during the bright light of day. Not a single part had transpired during her blackest of nights, nor had anypony even thought to waken her. That Celestia might imply that she was somehow remiss in her duties was laughable at best.

"Yes, Sister, I was made aware when I inquired upon the setting of the sun. As you well recall, you chose to inform me, at length, upon the nature and duration of your detainment and the abject horrors our little ponies were made to suffer for the duration of their eight minutes of 'enslavement'." Luna took a sip of her own tea, a viscous black bitter draught with more venom than a river serpent. "Am I to assume you were intent upon bringing more to my knowledge?"

Celestia's smirk broke the tension that had been growing, setting the nearby guards at ease. "No Luna. I was intent only upon verifying that you had context for what I'd like to discuss with you." Celestia set her teacup down, the golden glow of her magic fading as a hoofmaid deftly swiped the cup, wiped down the saucer, and replaced them within a matter of seconds.

"Luna, we need to be more careful - you and I both - in terms of our little ponies well being. Too long have we reigned, trusting in our reputations or the risk another force might have to wager against us. We cannot rely upon good will and our own abundance of power forever. The world has changed... it has moved beyond simple royal decree." She paused to select a number of flowers to add to the salad before her, the hoofmaid once again briskly preparing the dish before returning it to her princess.

"When you or I sleep, it is a vulnerability that we should not offer to those who would think to bring harm to our little ponies. And while you and I are more than capable of holding our own, the risk to our charges is too great if we do not soften our blows. I doubt the mountain itself could survive either of us should we lose our tempers."

Luna looked upon her sister's downcast face, a frown working its way to her own.

Celestia didn't talk of failures or weaknesses. She didn't joke about hurts or dangers. When Celestia frowned, she was fairly certain the sun itself grew dimmer.

"Celestia... what do you propose?"

The silence that passed between them was broken as the soft rapping of a hoof upon the chamber door announced the presence of another pony.

Celestia and Luna glanced to the door as the hoofmaid checked upon the visitor.

And within moments, Luna was frowning too: A small troupe of guards smartly trotted into their private meal... surrounding a stunned changeling.

-~oOo~-

The White Dress

Recon wasn't exactly sure what had happened after the sky broke, but she did know that the twilight pre-dawn light had given way to a bright afternoon without the sun moving an inch.

There had been a cracking sound, the shell tingling screech of battle cries, and then green fire everywhere as drones seemed to rain from the sky. The Royal Guard had responded quickly, though ineffectively, to the attack, launching themselves into the defense of their citizens with a zeal she had thought reserved for the queens. And yet, it had been for naught.

Within moments, they had been overrun. The black drones swarming in such number and with such single minded focus that for every drone neutralized, a dozen guards had been captured. For every changeling loss, a score or more of the ponies had been stunned, gooped, and immobilized.

And while the fighting had taken a few minutes to come to a close, there had been very little in the way of idleness from the drones. Even those who had shown up after the initial strike had shown some form of planning in their actions: securing structures, moving captives, putting out fires, or simply routing what little resistance remained of the Canterlot population.

Recon had, of course, sent Relay to find Sleep and ensure her safety... the little messenger departing with the same zeal as always. So much so, in fact, that she careened out of their hiding place, plowed into an invader, snapped its carapace and kicked it to the ground without slowing down.

Recon had blinked a few times in shock. She had known Relay was a fast and determined little bug but, to see her callously, almost mindlessly, murder another changeling, even from another hive, had been disconcerting.

Then again, each changeling was bred for a purpose... and Sleep had apparently wanted to insure that information was not intercepted.

Even so, Recon's assessment of the little pink filly had suddenly shifted from "creepy little numbskull" to something more along the lines of "sociopathic mail-carrier"... an adjustment with no small number of frightful implications.

So, while she had been considering just how dedicated the 'idiots' she normally worked with might actually be, the three black drones that tumbled through her window and onto the floor in a blaze of green fire managed to catch her somewhat unaware.

And somewhere after that, she had blacked out... probably from an ambushing assassin or lucky shot from a skilled sniper who had tagged her as a high priority threat.

...

And most certainly not because she had tripped over her telescope and cracked her head on the windowsill.

-~oOo~-

Deep Thought's mind was ablaze as his Queen rifled through his thoughts with little concern for his personal feelings. Granted, those feelings were mostly her own, but it still felt vaguely like an intrusion. Seconds ticked by, highlighted only by the momentary flashes of understanding that faded nearly as quickly while his queen flitted her full attention between her more intelligent drones.

Yes, being part of a hive mind was amazingly efficient... he really couldn't understand how ponies could even keep from running into one another without knowing where everyone else was... but there were moments where he deeply desired at least a slight amount of separation.

Deep felt his body relax as he blinked his eyes, noting as he did that many others nearby were doing likewise. Sleep was looking skyward, a pinched frown on her lips as she, no doubt, processed the collected memories of a few dozen drones.

Mem was going to have a headache shortly... he could almost taste the drone's frustration now.

"Deep Thought. Stop dreaming and start plotting an open assault on the castle. If Chrysalis got in, then we need to take Recon back before she finds her."

It was a few moments before Sleep Dep blinked, her disguise flaring back into existence, "oooooooooh. Nevermind. That pink thing was probably her losing. Well... this should be more interesting then."

Deep could only groan as he knew how much of a headache he and Mem were about to share.

-~oOo~-

Undercover. Always undercover.

You can't get love without a bit of reflection and you can't steal a nation without a heap of deception.

"Da~dah da~dah da~da~dah~DAAAAAA!"

A pegasus mare strolling down the street promptly sidestepped the light blue colt as he continued to skip and jerk as he trotted along, occasionally muttering or belting out a nearly passable song. Watching the young colt for just a moment, she turned up her nose and quickly trotted off. No sense in being seen with the rabble.

Which, incidentally, was perfectly fine with Knob, who continued making up his own theme music as he 'stealthily' infiltrated Canterlot's business district.

A young colt 'dancing' through the city was nothing particularly unusual; despite the somewhat superior attitudes that many of the elite put on, no one could deny the simple joys of youth. So, when a colt or filly happened to break into impromptu musical numbers, the tendency was to either avoid them completely or, much more frequently than most public images could survive, join in.

As it was, the colt has assembled a small troupe of 4 other youngsters, one Guard, and two shopkeepers who seemed to instinctively know the right choreography or lyric at any given moment. If not for Knob's personal knowledge that not a single one of the group was actually a changeling, he would have assumed it from how well coordinated they were.

Ponies were strange like that. Easily startled, easily tricked, independent thought and personality, and yet still capable of spontaneous musical dance numbers.

Deep down Knob knew his part of the plan was vital but, prancing through the city while singing and twitching randomly seemed a bizarre infiltration tactic to him. Yet, Sleep Dep had been very clear in her instructions.

This was important.

This was vital.

This had to be perfect.

So when a guard stepped forward to block his path, Knob stopped dead, looked up at the white coated, golden plated form of the unicorn who stared down at him with thinly concealed mirth, and grinned broadly.

"HI! I'm here to overthrow your feeble government and ensure a smooth transition into the new era!"

The guard, to his credit, did not fall over laughing. He did, however, choke back a laugh that caused his eyes to blink... allowing Knob the split second he needed to leap up, spin around in a glorious burst of silver flames, and kick the clueless guard with the force of a full grown stallion.... directly in the horn, sending him to the fuzzy realm of dreams.

And, as Knob landed, he took in the unintended side effect of his perfectly executed takedown: the Guard's helmet had just so happened to have popped off.

Oh, and there may have been some panic from the ponies caught in the musical number.

-~oOo~-

Because I can

Recon blinked as she was roused to consciousness, a soft tapping sound stirring her to wakefulness even as it set her mane on edge. As the tapping continued, she found herself starting to flinch at the rhythmic noise. She could hear breathing around her, feel the heat of bodies, but it took her a few moments of thinking before she stiffened.

She had been fighting some changelings.

Cracking an eye open slowly, she muffled the groan that threatened to escape from the sudden stabbing of bright light. Her body felt as it were on fire, a scalding pain that radiated from her tortured eyes down her neck and into stiff limbs pinned to her sides by the warm bodies piled up against her.

The world was too bright and too soft and entirely too not-a-hiding-place for the situation to be considered safe.

Swallowing dryly as her she crushed her eyes shut again, she carefully checked her limbs, mentally going over the sensations as she tried to piece together what was happening.

She was in a white room, her brief peek having hinted at columns and drapes, surrounded on all sides by softly breathing bodies. She didn't feel injured other than the burning pain which might well be the result of being pinned so long. She didn't even feel terribly abused given the situation - more a lingering ache as her senses continued to creep back into full awareness.

But she was pinned, that much was certain. Whoever or whatever was on her back felt like they weighed a ton. The ones at her sides seemed no better, and the one whose flank her head had been resting on seemed like nothing so much as a velvet coated boulder given how firmly toned the muscles were under that soft coat.

Nothing for it though... if she wanted to get away, get back to Sleep Dep, and salvage what was clearly a very badly botched invasion, she had to get enough information to devise an escape strategy.

Drawing in a slow breath and bracing for the brightness again, Recon opened her eyes and had just noticed a balcony before wincing as the first rays of dawn broke over the horizon, nearly blinding her again in the sudden glare of the rising sun.

Blinking a few times as she tried to see past the stars in her eyes, she panned her vision across the room, taking in as much as she could.

There were columns and plinths, drapes and softly fluttering veils hung from thin rails near the ceiling. The walls themselves were white marble with just a faint tracery of gold to accent the tapestries and paintings that hung tastefully at invervals across them. A darkly polished table rested primly beneath a vase which held softly glowing blue flowers. There were no windows, instead the room seemed open to the elements other than the vaulted ceiling which was decorated with murals she couldn't quite make out from the glare of the rising sun.

And, as she continued her survey, a very large, very white mare with luminous magenta eyes, was watching her closely as her pastel mane drifted in an ethereal wind.

Recon swallowed dryly.

One did not swallow wetly when being watched by Princess Celestia and buried by Royal Guards.

"I do believe, we have much to discuss my little..... well, you're not quite a pony," Celestia smiled softly, "but that will have to do."

-~oOo~-

Deep frowned as he walked alongside Sleep Dep once more.

This was insane. There was no possible way that the 'plan' Sleep had come up with was going to work. Absolutely none.

Changelings were designed for infiltration, for espionage, for simple deception. They were capable at trickery and misdirection, more than skilled at basic combat, and exceptional at hit and run tactics, but this.... THIS was a bad idea.

He swallowed for the fifth time before finding the courage to address Sleep, "I know this is important to you but couldn't we just....?"

The unicorn beside him softly huffed before stopping her march and turning to face him fully...horrible mane style, magically, preserved with the disguise.

"Deep, I know you think you're protecting me right now, and I appreciate it, really I do," she reached out a hoof and gently ran it over his head and mane, smiling softly before grabbing him at the base of the neck and pulling him in close, "but I am rather upset at the loss of Recon at the moment and would ~hate~ to lose another good drone."

Deep swallowed back his terror, noting that Sleep hadn't even made the most basic attempt to hide her actions in the middle of a busy street which had the result of a number of ponies staring openly at the pair.

"Your Highn.... Sleep, please don't be mad. I'm only trying to help."

Deep Thought leaned back a tiny bit as his unicorn 'friend' closed what little distance remained between them before she quickly nipped him on the nose and trotted off... leaving his heart thundering in his chest and more than a few confused and disturbed onlookers.

One, a gray pegasus stallion, trotted over and asked "Hey... you ok? She looked pretty intense there."

To which Deep, wisely, shook off his shock and smiled thinly. "Don't worry about it.... long day."

-~oOo~-

Relay giggled cutely.

The pegasus smiled back at her awkwardly.

Relay skipped from hoof to hoof, almost prancing as she watched the pegasus watching her.

The pegasus swallowed and cleared her throat.

Relay did a little backflip, sticking her landing perfectly and throwing up her front hooves with a little cheer.

The pegasus smiled nervously and looked like she was about to say something.

Relay bounded in close, stopping just short of being nose to nose with the heavily armored pegasus guard who was currently hanging, upside down, over a rather large cart of broken pottery. "Yeeeeeeeees?"

The guard, wisely, smiled and nodded her head. "Yes... very nice work. You must have practiced quite a bit."

Relay's smile widened to the point where the pegasus mare started to shiver just a little at seeing the sawblade-like teeth of the little pink filly who was currently showing off her 'bat-tro-batics' on the ceiling of one of the castle barracks.

"Yep! Momma told me to work real hard so I could get good enough to distract ponies or I'd be just too cute not to gobble me right up!"

The pegasus smiled nervously. "She must love you very much."

And, just like that, Relay's smile disappeared. "You don't know my momma at all. She better not. If she starts to, I'll know who made her." At this, Relay leaned in uncomfortably close and whispered, "and I'd hate to see momma go hungry because somepony tricked her into loving me."

The pegasus swallowed again. "Um... "

"So! Wanna see me do a cartwheel?"

Tension broken, the mare nodded quickly... only to blink in confusion as the little pink filly was suddenly engulfed in flames, only to be replaced with a large wooden wheel.... inexplicably hanging from the ceiling of the barracks.

-~oOo~-

Mine smiled kindly as he strolled past unicorn after unicorn, politely dipping his head and offering the occasional courtesy compliment to his apparent betters.

He was, obviously, a stallion of purpose, of poise, of... greatness. His coat a glorious cream, unblemished by the brutal sun or faded by the uncaring moon. His hooves pristine in their subtle etchings, painstakingly filed and picked to bring out their 'natural' glow. His tail was brushed until the almost fiery glow of the dawn could be reflected in its immaculate luster. And his mane.... his mane was a work of art that not even the Maredolisa could compare to in sheer beauty and mystery.

It didn't hurt that after every other noble he passed, his pockets grew just a touch heavier or the rhinestones found themselves, somehow, replaced with priceless gems.

No... they truly would grow to envy him.

His betters? He snorted, politely of course. Never.

To Stack the Deck

Recon sat.

There was a table, with a teapot. There were little cups with finely hammered gold rims. There was a small dish with individual sugar crystals, grown to the size of cherry tomatoes and cut so cleanly that they looked, for all the world, to be made of nothing more than blown glass.

There were doilies.

And across from her there was the single most terrifying creature short of her queen that Recon had ever seen... Princess Celestia.

... who was in the process of some form of deeply traumatizing mental assault.

Recon swallowed again dryly.

"Oh. More tea dear?" Celestia paused as she floated over the teapot... which was finely painted.... no... INLAID with silver filigree to depict a pastoral scene with various shades of burnished patina under pristine lacquer.

Nodding very slowly, Recon held up her cu....her TEAcup in both hooves, being careful to keep the sharp edges of her holey legs from scratching the fine porcelain as Celestia filled it.

Celestia smiled as the teapot was gently deposited back upon the table as the alicorn returned her full attention to her captive guest.

"Now that that's handled, where was I? OH!" Celestia smiled radiantly, perfectly straight, perfectly cleaned, nearly mirror finish pearly white teeth reflecting the light of the afternoon sun. "And then Twilight just started to whimper when her book fort had to be put away for the night. I'll never forget how utterly despondent she looked." Here, Celestia smiled as she rolled her eyes, "And I just couldn't say no to that.... so, we ended up having a 'sleepover' in the middle of the floor so she could continue reading her 'walls' within her 'fortress of knowledge.' It was the cutest thing."

Recon delicately sipped her, likely poisoned, tea as she considered how utterly hopeless her situation was when compared to the millenias old tactical genius that sat across from her.

'Hives.... If Sleep doesn't spring me soon, there might not be anything left to rescue.'

-~oOo~-

WC smiled to everyone he passed, cheerful and carefree, just like any other happy citizen of Canterlot.

There was the baker! Hello Baker!

There was the fancy pony with the mane....thing. Hello Fancy Pony!

There was the Big-to-do Business Pony with the bags of bits, striding along like he owned the place.... which, given the sign with his likeness, he probably did. Hello Greedy Pony with a sad and un-fulfilling love life!

And look! Some Royal Guards! Hello Royal Gua....oh! They're coming to play!

WC liked to play.

YAY! One had a pike! And he was swinging it!

It must be limbo! Of course it was limbo, ponies didn't fight!

So, WC played limbo, leaning backwards as the Guards tried to force him to lose at Limbo.

And that one had a sword! He must be making salad for later!

Because ponies didn't use weapons, he had to be a cook!

So WC played limbo with the one Guard and helped the cook to find some nice roughage with his choppy stick... ponies eat grass! Choppy Stick Cook could have some grass!

So, WC ducked the pike and helpfully hugged the cook, turning him around to show him the nearby park where there was some grass.

And that one was a unicorn! He must be there for cooking too because his horn was lighting up with fire!

Because ponies don't attack things... they run and hide and scream when they're frightened.

So WC helped the Fiery cook to work with his buddy the grass eating cook as he spun around to keep playing with the Limbo guard.

Unfortunately though, while WC liked playing with ponies (they were SO FUN), Sleep Dep had been very specific that he needed to be standing at exactly the right spot at exactly the right time, so he had to leave the pony party.

So WC spun in to help the Limbo Guard play with the Fiery cook and the Face-Stuck-in-a-park-bench cook.

They could play with each other. He didn't want them to be sad afterall.

WC was a good changeling... and good changelings don't leave unhappy ponies.

-~oOo~-

Deep Thought was blinking slowly as the patrol of Royal Guards raced by, armor glinting and weapons drawn as they careened down the street and rocketed overhead. Sleep had been walking directly towards the nearest guard, her eyes wide open and a concerned expression on her face when the call had gone out. A series of shouted orders, a rapid fire alarm and suddenly the two disguised changelings we're being gently being pushed off the road as the Guard raced off to whatever it was that was needing their attention.

Deep blinked incredulously.

From beside him, Sleep's soft chuckle sent a shiver down his back.

"Deep, Dear, would you be so kind as to grab that pegasus over there? Yes, the one oogling that stallion's flank. I have a need of her for a moment."

Deep shook off the creepy feeling before nodding and glancing both ways to ensure he wouldn't be trampled by a lagging guard, and trotted across the road.

The mare was indeed staring at the rear end of one of the charging guards who were now just far enough away that the mare had started to flit upwards. She was so intent that Deep had to politely cough a few times to get her attention.

And, though she glanced back at the patrol after looking down, it was clear that her moment had been spoiled.

"Yheah?" she asked as she dropped back to the ground, an unhappy look on her face... probably from being kept from her flank-staring.

"Oh, um, terribly sorry miss, but my friend over there said she thought she recognized you and asked me to fetch you." Deep smiled genuinely... well, as genuinely as anyone with an ulterior motive and a species wide dedication to deception ever did anything genuinely at least.

"Oh?" She glanced across the street, looking around for a second before raising an eyebrow and looking back to the stallion. "Is that so?"

Nodding politely, Deep turned around to point out Sleep Dep, only to freeze as the empty shopfront they'd been in only a minute ago stared back at him.

"Look mister.... um... whoever you are. I'm sure that line works on a lot of mares, but I'm not really interested in you.... like... at all. So, good luck with that and ... oh! Look! Another patrol!"

And just like that... all her remaining brain cells had apparently been spent. Deep rolled his eyes before turning away and frowning.

If Sleep wanted him out of the way, that could only mean one thing...

He sighed. She was going to do something incredibly, insufferably, and indelibly foolish.

... and she didn't want any witnesses in case she ever had to wipe the memory from her mind.

Well, if Sleep wanted to forget the whole thing, that just meant that he'd have to do his absolute best to figure out every possible event along the line, discover her plan (if she even had one), protect his queen, coordinate the hive, and make certain that nothing was unaccounted for.

Deep Thought shook his head with a defeated smirk. Oh well... time to find some coffee, a lantern, and at least four cups of sugar. It was looking to be a late night.

A Brilliant Mark

Early Warning marched across the parade field, head held high, eyes half-lidded in the stoic expression known to all experienced military forces the world over, keeping in perfect parade step as he nodded to his compatriots under the cover of his regulation armor and helmet.

The day had been an arduous one. It had started early, had an unexpected bit of conflict, and had resulted in a brief, though no less brutal, bit of combat with the enemy forces in the city. He had been forced to resort to the same violence his royalty so abhorred yet relied upon in times of great upheaval. It was a day he would not soon forget.

But, at last, he could go to the barracks, turn in his extra gear and weapons, and take a breather until he was needed again. The other guys could handle things for the night.

With a happy smile just gracing his lips, he nodded to the non-com at the barracks before trotting over to the armory to drop off his gear.

"'Ey. Seen any more of those little creepers since the wedding?" the guard at the check-in desk asked while logging Early's armor.

"Yheah. Little scuffle down by the port. Some straggler got it in his head to try and take out one of the airships, but the boys and I knocked some sense into him." He chuckled softly, "Okay... well, more like we piled on until the bug couldn't move... jeeze, the guy was fast... but we got him all chained up and the Captain was bringing him to isolation until the princess decides what to do with him."

The guard, eggshell white like approximately 1/3rd of all royal guards, blinked owlishly up at him, pausing in his writing as he stared. "Seriously? You're joking right? They came right back?"

Early's snort and a quick shake of his head did little to impress the guard. "Seriously. It's like they didn't learn their lesson or something." After a moment, he added, "You know... when you get off shift, might want to go look at 'im. He's... well... they're not quite as scary when they're all chained up."

After a moment more to stare incredulously at him, the guard shook his head and bent once more to the task of logging the barding, tramplers, and peytral before pulling the set inside and setting it upon a body-form. "Nah. I saw enough of the little demons when they hit us the first time." He looked up to Early Warning and frowned slightly. "You got a bit of a bruise there, forming on your shoulder. Might wanna get that checked out if it's bugging you."

Early raised an eyebrow before looking over to his side and frowning. "Guess he hit me harder than I thought."

"Yheah, well, better safe than sorry, you know. Those little things almost won, as I hear it."

Early nodded before turning to go. "Yheah. Hey, keep an eye out. If one got through, never know how many others the night watch might've missed last night."

"You too. Night Early."

Without another word, Early Warning trotted off to the barracks where he checked the duty roster, pulled off his helmet, and lay down on his cot. He wouldn't be on shift again for another 18 hours.

Another stallion strolled by, nodding as he tossed his helmet to a nearby bunk, and flopped down sweaty and exhausted.

"You look like crap buddy."

The stallion glanced up, rolled his eyes, and returned his face to the pillow before rolling over to look at Early again. "Yheah. Had a run-in with some freak changeling down by the park on West Bridle. Thing was a beast. Kept knocking our guys around like we were bowling pins."

Early raised an eyebrow. "Really? You guys too? We had one down by the sky dock. Think it was trying to bring down one of the ships."

The other stallion shook his head. "We can't keep doing this Early. They're eventually going to get by somepony and then there's going to be a whole mess we won't be able to fix."

Early nodded, but frowned. "Yheah. Not going to be good if that happens."

"WHEN that happens, Early, when. You know we can't go around blasting everypony just to 'make sure'... they'd eat us alive."

Early nodded again but shrugged. "Hey, it's for their own good though. If we don't do random checks, one will eventually get through."

The other stallion groaned and flopped back down to his cot. "I know... but jeeze... I mean... we.... they.... arrrrrg."

"Yheah. I know. Just take it one day at a time. 'S'what I do."

"Yheah, Early, I know. Sleep well bud."

"You too."

And with that, the stallion rolled over and Early reached for the small set of drawers by his cot. After a moment of searching, he pulled out a small green book and started flipping through it, skimming the pages as he looked for a blank page to add an entry to his diary....er...'journal.'

And after a minute, he tucked it back into the drawer.

He sighed deeply and smiled as he closed his eyes, a hoof idly running over the small engraving on the inside of the helmet: "If found, please return to Early Warning, Canterlot Royal Guard Barracks, Canterlot."

The name on the cot was identical.

-~oOo~-

Deep Thought rubbed his face as the mare before him seemed intent on repeating back his request for the fifth time.

It wasn't as if the concept of basic economics was new, nor the simple idea of granting a two week paid vacation a terribly difficult one to grasp... and yet, the mare seemed content to blink and stutter as he produced a satchel of bits quite clearly able to compensate her for her time.

"But... but, I mean... two weeks? And you'll pay me for my time AND sales?" the mare repeated... for the sixth time.

"Yes, Miss Jitters, as I am quite fond of your product, and my employer is rather enamored of its quality and elegant design, I have been requested to purchase a two week supply, plus wages, for an exclusivity option. In other words -" Deep breathed out, trying his best to reign in his slowly rising impatience.

"In other words, you want to buy my stock and pay me for two weeks time?" ... Deep ground his mental fangs... SEVEN.

"Yes, Miss Jitters, that is correct. So, without further repetition, are you interested in our business proposal?"

The caramel colored pegasus twitched a few times, her hoof sliding as if to reach for the bag of bits before snapping back. "Just like that? Just... 'We like your stuff, take some money? Two week vacation on us'? Just like that."

Deep felt his eye twitch. He felt it twitch enough that he was sure the twitchy mare could see a twitch that even her own twitching twitches couldn't hide. EIGHT... he screamed in his head... EIGHT TIMES SHE HAS TO REPEAT ME.

"Yes," Deep smiled diplomatically, "just like that. Bits on the table, product on the shelves, you could walk out that door in three minutes and come back in two weeks and you'd not lose a single bit. Free vacation. Dedicated and guaranteed sale of your product. Name recognition. And through it all, you'd be able to sit back and enjoy some hard earned, and might I add, very well deserved, relaxation time."

'So help me,' Deep thought to himself, 'if she repeats me one more time, I'm just going to knock her out, call the guard, and pay for her stay at a mental institution. No court in the world would convict me.'

"Just li-..... wow. Um..... Alright. Just let me grab my till and those bits." She smiled nervously. "It's just.... so sudden and .... "

"Yes, Miss Jitters, I know it is, but my employer has found your product to be exemplary and she can only imagine how much time and love you must put into it. It is her belief that a bit of reward is in order." He smiled devilishly, "And besides, if it's this good right now... can you imagine how much more amazing it will be when you're well rested?"

Leaning over, Deep Thought, disguised as a charcoal black stallion with an immaculately glossed mane and stunning amber eyes, lifted the mare's hoof to press his lips to it gently. "I cannot think of a single mare more deserving of the honor."

Blushing furiously, Miss Jittershake, sole proprietor of the Buzzbean cafe, looked around before flitting to her register, ejecting the till, and darting out of the shop... slowing only enough to snag the heavy satchel of bits.

Deep Thought sighed heavily. Thank the Hives that was over. That mare was wound so tightly, he could taste the lust in the air. With a smirk, he stood, walked to the door and flipped the sign to read "Closed."

'Three more stops," he thought to himself, 'only three more stops.'

-~oOo~

Early Warning rolled out his shoulders as he approached the gates. Long day or not, it was time to check in and make a report. No, it was not what he wanted to do. No, it was not what he was looking forward to doing. And No, he was not even remotely entertained by the thought of the teasing he was sure to get, but being a Guard meant that sometimes things had to be done that one didn't like. As such, he huffed out a breath, steeled himself, and marched through the gates fully expecting to get the ribbing of his life.

What he did not expect was to have the garrison master raise an eyebrow after checking in, then waive him through only be be suddenly smothered by the overwhelming form of the third response corp.

To say that he was surprised would have been an understatement.

To say that he should have known his day was only going to get worse would have been an equally obvious answer.

But to end up, pinned under the combined weight to no less than eight stallions in full armor, while in the garrison courtyard, after said stallions had been patrolling all day in the sun.... well, he just couldn't laugh it off anymore.

"Surrender peacefully and you will be unharmed, changeling!" the commander shouted from somewhere outside of the hot, sweaty, pile of metal and horse meat.

The smell alone would have made him surrender, but after everything else, all he could do was mutter "Oh, come on!"

-~oOo~-

And the Scars We Leave

Recon's mouth felt dry.

She had just told Celestia everything. Positively everything.

The Princess of the sun, supreme tactician and strategist of Equestria's noble line, protector of the ponies, herald of the burning gaze of destruction, mastermind of the fall of EVERY one of Equestria's foes to date, and also, coincidentally, the single most powerful being in the history of the planet.... and, well... she'd been quiet while she was sitting across from her for a while.

Recon knew what it meant when a ruler was quiet.

Bad things.

Bad things of the order of 'pristine rain of doom and destruction upon those who would offend me'...

Bad things of the order of 'ah ah ah... naughty naughty. Time for a spanking your entire family line will feel'...

Bad things of the order of .... well.... Recon wasn't a particularly creative changeling, but she knew when it was time to fold.

And she had folded.

Recon had folded so completely that she was certain her designation within the hive would become 'origami' the moment Sleep Dep found out.

Assuming, of course, she lived long enough for Sleep Dep to find out...

... also assuming that Sleep Dep would let her live long enough for a new designation to be made.

But all that was beside the point!

Celestia.

KNEW.

Recon fidgeted a bit, idly poking one of the little almond cookies on the EXTREMELY expensive tea saucer.

Celestia knew she had been ordered into the city, but that she wasn't ordered to watch troop movements.

The cookie looked light and flaky, a delicate golden color with a floral design artfully stamped into it.

Celestia knew she had been watching the guard barracks, but only long enough to know where they were.

It looked perfectly baked, the tiny cracks and folds of the dough making it clear that the baker was a true artist.

Celestia knew she had been watching the gatehouse, but only until the first shift change.

It smelled divine. The earthy aroma of the slivered almonds mixing and playing against the delicate richness of butter and sugar combined to create a truly captivating temptation.

Celestia knew she had been watching the merchant strip, but only until she had spotted a fountain.

And the texture was simply marvelous. The crispness of the caramelized sugar melded with the delicate layers to make the treat simply melt in her mouth.

Celestia knew she had been watching the Grande Approach to the palace, but only until the morning deliveries had started.

But the flavor! The flavor was magnificent. Nearly orgasmic. Between the richness of the butter, the smoothness of the heavy cream that had been folded in, to the almost sinfully sweet sugars and the tantalizing whisper of honey to compliment the heady decadence of imported almonds.... she... she couldn't help herself as she took another bite.

Celestia knew she had been told to watch the raising of the sun and moon... but that she had been interrupted by the giant love bubble of death that had sent Chrysalis' army to the far reaches of Equestria.

Recon shuddered a little, doing her best to keep herself from hyperventilating.

Celestia looked concerned for her. FOR HER.

Recon swallowed the lump of soggy cookie she hadn't realized had been sitting in her mouth for slightly more than a minute.

Celestia was scary as ... oh look! Another cookie! And she could simply taste the love the baker had put into his work!

-~oOo~-

Steel Bulwark and Velvet Trampler stood stock still as they watched the changeling 'guest' nervously glancing around the room. It was their job, after all, to watch it... to maintain the sanctity of the palace as well as the general demeanor of the Guard and Canterlot as a whole. The Guard, in general, but the Royal Guard specifically, were responsible for both the day to day protection of the city as well as the public image they, as agents of the Princesses, presented.

As such, the two found themselves in a bit of a conundrum.... or pickle.... pickledrum maybe?

Well, whatever the case, the two were somewhat perplexed as to what they were supposed to be doing.... exactly.

The changeling had been arrested: true.

The changeling had been detained: true.

The changeling had been a private 'guest' of Princess Celestia herself: also true.

The changeling had NOT been formally charged with anything... and had developed a mild case of verbal diahrea in which it confessed to pretty much everything anypony could think of, as well as a few things nopony really understood: rather unpleasant imagery.... but true none the less.

And the changeling had been served cookies and tea, then left to its own devices, albeit under Guard watch.

All of this amounted to a slight bit of mixed messages for the two of them as they "stood watch" over Celestia's "special guest" just in case "she needs anything."

Making matters worse, it appeared that it was a bit of a flighty, nervous little thing - having stayed almost precisely in the same spot as when Celestia had left it. In fact, Velvet Trampler was pretty sure it hadn't even left the cushion it had been sitting on since Celestia has started serving tea.

A soft snort from Velvet's side drew his gaze momentarily to his compatriot. The Unicorn Stallion, Steel Bulwark, was shaking his head slightly as he levitated over another small platter of cookies from a cart the waitstaff had just delivered. Taking one himself, he offered the platter to Velvet before floating the rest over to the twitchy changeling.

"Real terror, this one, eh? Looks about as monstrous as a starving kitten" The stallion smirked before frowning slightly as the changeling flinched away from the floating platter of cookies. "Oh come on... seriously? It's afraid of the cookies now? Velvet, go and drop these off for that thing. Can't have Celestia saying we weren't hospitable to the invading army and all."

Velvet raised an eyebrow slightly at his commander's comment, but dutifully took the platter from the glowing magic touch of the unicorn and slowly strolled over to the twitchy changeling, careful to keep his wings tight against his sides so as to appear as non-threatening as he could.

The set of pale blue eyes that turned on him almost made him flinch back, memories of the invasion, of seeing hundreds of the black bodied, fanged, blue eyed monsters raining from the sky wreathed in globes of green flame seemed at odds with the cowering little creature before him. And, quite without thinking about it, he found himself kneeling down and taking off his helmet.

"Hey, it's alright. No one's going to hurt you here," he murmured softly. "It's okay. You're okay. We're just here to make sure nothing goes wrong, alright?"

He managed a slight smile and nudged the platter a little closer with a hoof.

The changeling blinked back at him a moment before carefully leaning over and taking a cookie, its eyes never leaving him for a moment.

Steel sighed internally at the sight. Here he was, one of Celestia's own, specially chosen, specially trained, ROYAL GUARD... and his subordinate was kneeling down, plot in the air, taking off his helmet and making googly eyes at a confirmed spy and infiltrator.

If it wasn't for the fact that it was the first time the changeling had stopped shaking since Celestia had left, he would have branded Velvet's hide himself.

'Must be lowering the hiring standards again' he thought.

-~oOo~-

Princess Luna was smiling as she sipped her coffee while watching the day pass from a secluded balcony hidden away in one of the arches of an unnamed hall. Below, servants carried out their duties, stopped to chat occasionally, and otherwise reminded her of the time she had lost among her subjects.

Normally, such time would be spent sleeping... resting from a long night of guarding her subjects dreams from both internal fears and external threats.

Normally, she would be resting, regaining her strength and whiling away the time as her sister cared for their country as the sun crossed the sky.

Normally, there would be meaningless babble or some fleeting gossip which would grace her ears as the citizenry passed by, unknowing of her constant vigil, but today... today she had deigned to remain awake and watchful.

She wasn't normally a morning, noon, or afternoon pony. Not really a ~day~ pony on general principle, but after that little exchange earlier where her sister had told her of the latest ~invasion~, well, she couldn't really pass up a chance to watch her sister twist in the wind a bit.

Yes, it was a bit mean and, yes, she would likely look back on her actions with just the faintest touch of shame, but those were concerns for Future Princess Luna. Those were concerns she would look into resolving after, and only after, she had satisfied that little part of her that liked to see her perfect sister make a mess of things.

That little part of her was currently cheering.

Another sip of the ink-black coffee brought Luna's attention back to the moment however.

First and foremost, she had to make sure there was no legitimate threat, no real danger to anything or anyone, before she could truly enjoy the show. So, with an amused smirk, she summoned up a short checklist of important targets throughout the city and castle. As the 'invasion' had so far seemed both small and mostly harmless, she relegated external points like the Manehatten shipyards and the Crystal Fields of the Empire to background threats. Other points, much more local and immediate, would concern her more. The airship piers, the treasury, and the consumable storehouses were appropriately secured. The civic houses were likewise protected. A quick message to the apothecaries earlier had assured her that appropriate stocks of medical supplies and antitoxins were stationed throughout the city with enough learned staff to administer them should the worst come to pass. The armory was still staffed and all martial tools accounted for.

She considered other potential avenues of attack... the 'invasion' might simply be a distraction tactic after all... but in the grande scheme of things, the population of Canterlot had learned a valuable lesson from the wedding invasion: they had learned that they should always be prepared.

When she saw that Celestia had added "The Royal Blend tea" and "the scullery's cake stores" to the list of official threat points, she nearly choked on her coffee.

Granted, Celestia was probably referring to avenues by which poisoning might come, but to word it as such on official documentation... well... "Cake Flanks" was going to be a new nickname when it came to teasing again.

Skimming the list, she found her lips continuing to curl into a smile before she had to cover her mouth with a hoof to prevent the laughter that was welling up within her from alerting the peasantry below to her presence. A task made infinitely more difficult as she witnessed one of her sister's assistants scurrying around with a list of his own and a troubled look upon his aged face as he fled down a side hallway.

Moments later, she teleported to one of her favorite places to watch the peasants. A little nook, high above the polished marble floor of the throne room antechamber. It was, for all intents and purposes, a glorified waiting room... a shining, expensive, immaculately finished, gilded waiting room.

And so, from a ledge, three stories above the gallery floor, Princess Luna watched as a cluster of nobles broke into the nearest approximation of a riotous mob as had ever been seen in Canterlot's recent history.

Stifling another bout of laughter, she summoned a treat the friend of her sister's student had introduced her too... a bag of popcorn... and set about watching the entertainment below.

-~oOo~-

Doom, with a side of crumpets, please

Kibitz trotted down one of the countless corridors of the Canterlot Palace, checklist floating beside him as he skillfully dodged servant, guard, and petitioner alike. He had been one of Celestia's trusted assistants for going on three decades, and in that time he had mastered the fine art of punctual efficiency. Between scheduling meetings with foreign delegates, orchestrating celebrations, managing the nobility, maintaining order with the petitioners, and making sure that his princess maintained a proper degree of nutrition in her diet (to offset the ~'biological requirement for cake that all alicorn share'~ that she assured him was true), he had become rather adept at staying on time. There was work to do and minor inconveniences such as tripping down a long flight of stairs, injuring himself on a damaged bit of pottery, or being impaled by a careless guard simply didn't fit into his rather tight schedule.

So, it was with only minor displeasure that his trip to the royal kitchens had seen the delivery of a missive from the Royal Aquisitioner... the official 'getter of foodstuffs', as Kibitz quietly thought to himself. Getting a missive simply meant a slight adjustment to his schedule of course.... Kibitz was nothing if not adaptable.

Flicking the envelope open with his magic, he quickly scanned the hastily scrawled message and felt his ears dip back in a momentary showing of ... no, it wouldn't be displeasure... more accurately: tension.

Of course there had to be an issue with the delivery of the tea. It only showed up by the crate-ful every three days after all.

Schooling his ears back into their prim posture, Kibitz glanced down his list and penned in "visit the Royal Culinarian" just below the new line "adjust tea deliveries to account for a three week surplus for future shipments". Kibitz nodded to himself... never a dull moment.

Well then, if her Royal Majesty's tea was unavailable, perhaps something a bit more lively then her usual brew? Ah yes, a fine red tea perhaps. Roobois with a hint of lemon and rosehips to stir the blood. He knew it wasn't her precious royal blend but, with all due respect, she could stand a touch of variety in her tea habits. He had been blending and brewing the stuff for decades, had won awards and international acclaim for his teas and, even though she politely sampled his blends and thanked him with praises unequaled, she always returned to her precious blend... imported from a single merchant... for centuries uncounted.

Apparently it was a family secret. One that was particularly lucrative for the grower. One that was exclusive to her Royal Majesty herself. Kibitz sniffed briskly as he glanced at his list, a small sachet of non-royal-blend floating beside him as he moved on to the next item of his list.

Ah yes... find out about the noisome crowd in the antechamber.

Quickly flicking a stray feather into a wastebasket that had somehow evaded the swarm of maids and waitstaff, he trotted out of the kitchens and back towards the throne room, pausing at a corner to listen in on the commotion.

Hmmm.... nobles. Angry about this or that. Frustrated about whinny and wile. Indignant about pomp and circumstance!

He made sure no one was able to see him before he rolled his eyes.

Of course they were upset.

They were nobles.

They had only three settings: upset, incensed, and insensate. Well, with the phenomenally rare exception of being helpful.

Taking just a moment longer to listen to the unimaginative threats and puffery, Kibitz straightened his jacket and came around the corner only to come to an abrupt, and entirely unexpected stop... nose only an inch from a rather blustery stallions nethers.

No, Kibitz did not stutter of stagger, and he most certainly did not run face first into a noble's rear end. Celestia knows enough of them have such on both ends of their bodies but, no, Kibitz was a fine specimen of pony practitioner of proper proceedural poise and posture. He never overextended himself and thus, was able to stop just shy of inserting his muzzle in the rather large plothole of Sir Blustery Gables.

Politely, and immediately sidestepping, Kibitz blinked back his shock at the unusually large crowd.

His quill added another note to his list: "Request additional Guard to disperse crabby nobles".

Turning, Kibitz retreated once more and stepped into a narrow servants hallway to navigate around the crowd. There were no doors to stop any from following him of course, but the very nature of the beast that was a Canterlot noble was biologically opposed to stepping off polished marble or gilded floors. Lest said floor happened to be crystal of the finest grain or magnificent to the degree of seizure, not a one of those fops would be caught dead 'fraternizing' with the 'help'.

Kibitz smirked before schooling his features once again and turning the corner into the "Rumor Mill."

The room, such as it was, was little more than a dropping place for collected information. Various sources throughout the palace, and indeed kingdom, would send word of events. A number of specialists would sort through them, filtering out nonsense and speculation, distilling the essence of truth from the festering cesspool of wonton foolishness. Ultimately, the particulars didn't matter. At the end of the chain, one very careful individual passed along messages of import that he would collect for perusal by their Royal Highnesses.

Kibitz scanned over the short note and frowned.

Changeling invasion? Another one? Ah, but at least it was easily stopped. Strange though that the species known for their guile and deceptive magics had attacked again so quickly... and so ineffectively.

Well, if it was getting to him, it was more than just rumor or nonsense. It was something that the princesses needed to know about, albeit once his list was finished.

After all, Celestia was already aware of the invasion... she had dined with the creatu...with her guest, and had been told a great number of things. Things she was currently going over on her own while the guard kept her guest 'company'.

One more thing on his list.

And right as he was turning to leave, two more missives fell through the slot, landing upon the tiny desk for him to look over.

A number of the Guard were storming through the palace towards the throne room? Unusual, but given the 'invasion' not unexpected.

Aaaand, the baker is nearly out of flour after all the celebrations from defeating the Changelings at the wedding.

Splendid.

Two more things on his list.

And another missive?

Kibitz frowned, knowing full well that no one would see him breaking his guise.

Celestia's pet phoenix has been molting for three days longer than expected and has apparently decided that it would be funny to finally combust whilst in the royal alchemy lab..... setting off a number of experiments that has resulted in an unpleasant smell that will linger for days.

Kibitz eye twitched. He had vacation coming up.

Ah..... At least Sweet and Savory (the Royal Culinarian) decided to take her vacation NEXT week... so she can tease the 'normal' tea to taste like Celestia's favorite.

-~oOo~-

Sleep Dep raised an eyebrow as she took a seat in the Throne Room antechamber. Thick, plush, cushions adorned elegant seats benches of cut marble while heavy drapes played courtesan with a number of intricately detailed stained glass windows. Numerous potted plants, both flowering and not, lined the spacious room, helping to offset the feeling of such a large stone edifice being somewhat... uncomfortable.

Sleep Dep took a sip of her coffee, eyeing the nearest bust... some long forgotten noble with a talent for something she, in all likelihood, would never care in the least about.

"Absolutely ridiculous," she muttered, mostly to herself.

"Oh? I dare say that Sir Winded was quite well respected in his day," came the response of a mauve colored mare wearing enough silver to be mistaken for a drawer of cutlery. "You might not know it from looking at his face, but Sir Winded was a master orator... it was said he was solely responsible for putting down the Griffon rebellion of 298 A.N."

Sleep Dep closed her eyes, thought long and hard about her response, and then promptly smiled.

"Oh, why yes! How utterly amazing!" Internally Sleep Dep was trying not to puke. "That's astounding! Griffons, no less! However did he do it?"

If the nobelmare beside her had even the slightest notion of self-preservation, she would have been seeking a life raft for the sheer volume of bull that Sleep's excitement had been steeped in. Sadly, and much to Sleep's displeasure, the noblemare seemed as if she hadn't heard a word of the snarky reply.

"Oh, indeed. Sir Winded had heard of the attacking forces and pushed through to the front! While Celestia's own guards fled the field of battle, he took a stand upon a pile of broken stonework and called out to the masses." The mare fanned herself idly, "He spoke so eloquently, and with such conviction, that the griffon forces were simply held in awe until the Princess' reinforcements could arrive." She leaned in close, Sleep biting back the urge to club the brain-dead pile of horse-flesh. "Such a stallion. They don't come like him anymore."

Sleep Dep inhaled sharply.

Delays, she could handle. Cushions, she could tolerate. Idiotic brain dead festering fan-girls of long dead pompous wastes of flesh.... she could almost ignore. But this?

This could not be allowed.

Sleep took one last sip of her cooling coffee and popped her neck.

"You know, I already knew that Canterlot ponies were dumber than rocks from the fact that they built the largest stone structure of their capital city... HANGING off a cliff face with a shear drop of thousands of feet into the real of certain death, but I didn't think they could honestly be as brain dead as you, without putting in some serious effort."

Sleep reached out and pushed the bust from the plinth, watching at the carving smashed upon the palace's stonework as the mare beside her gasped.

"BUUUUUT, since your skull seems to be specifically designed to deflect learning of any sort, short of blunt force trauma inflicted by the hormone addled plot of whatever flank-chasing bastard you happen to be drooling over at the moment, let me make this exceptionally clear for you: I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT YOUR LITTLE FAN-GASM TRIVIA. I DON'T CARE TWO BITS ABOUT YOUR TITLE AND I DON'T NEED THE MINDLESS PRATTLE YOU THINK IS GOSSIP."

The mare staggered away, a look of utter horror upon her muzzle.

Sleep glared with all the wrath she could muster, daring the mare to say anything in response.

"B-but Sir Winded-"

"Was a mindless blowhard that likely stunned the entirety of the griffon race with the gibbering nonsense of the average citizen until Celestia herself saw fit to spare the world the suffering of even one more second of exposure to such agonizing intellectual poison?" Sleep stepped down from her seat, taking a single step toward the noblemare, "Something like that?"

"No! No! Nothing like that you insufferab-"

"Oh do shut up! The only reason you've even managed as long as you have is because Daddy and Mummy" Sleep stood upon her hind legs, folding her front in, under her chin as if hugging herself, "couldn't remember to pull out while someone was in heat."

Dropping back to the ground, Sleep snorted. "The only reason anypony even tolerates your voice is because they're all trying to figure out how to slip into your, no doubt, influential family, so realize what you are." Sleep wrinkled her nose, as if trying ignore a particularly foul odor. "A lump of breeding stock that no one wants to lose their investment on."

The mare, quivering and teary, bolted from the hall.

Sleep gave a thin lipped smile as she turned back to her seat, picked up her coffee, and sat down.

Across from her, the little group of four guards, holding a fifth captive in a steel yoke and manacles, stared openly.

One may have had a quivering lip.

Sleep Dep had no way of knowing that Lt. Long was a distant relative of Sir Winded... and would likely cry himself to sleep that night. Then again, if she had, she would have likely chuckled for the simple joy of it.

Vale Disuse

The repeated noise, a clanging of hoof on armor, more than the calling of his familiar name, roused him from his cot in the Royal Canterlot Barracks.

"EARLY! GET YOUR FLANK UP YOU LAZY MILKSOP! I'M NOT GOING TO COME IN THERE AND DRAG YOUR HALF-TON FLANK OFF THAT COT LIKE MOMMY WOULD!"

"Ruddy, blasted, screECHING, HARPY OF A PEGASUS, WHAT?!?!?" was his well thought out and articulate response. It earned him a sore muzzle as Beachhead threw his helmet directly at him with a laugh.

"Early! Finally! You were out cold bud. Now, get your lazy flank in motion, you're gunna want to see this."

Blinking blearily at his commanding officer, it took only a moment longer before his eyes snapped fully open and he found himself tumbling out of the cot and scrabbling to his hooves with a hasty salute. "Sir! Yes, Sir!"

Beachhead, a surprisingly tough little pegasus with a mess of scars, smirked before rolling his eyes. "Forget all that, you're off shift, but move your rear."

Nodding quickly, he kicked off the blanket that had become tangled around his legs, grabbed a loose brush and checked his face in one of the long mirrors across from the cots. With nothing horribly presentable, he grabbed up his helmet, wiped off the smudge from it having rolled on the floor, tossed it on, and nodded to Beachhead.

With a continued smirk, Beachhead flipped his head towards the barracks entrance and the two departed.

-~oOo~-

"Soooooo......" he started.

"Yheah. Just like that. Little bug just thought he could waltz right in here, smug as Sombra, but never thought that we'd actually check the roster."

He raised an eyebrow. "So, he came in... looking like me... and you guys let him in?"

"Well yheah! But that was only so we could jump him with a whole squad! I mean, LOOK at him! He's gotta be ready to pass out from all those sweaty stallions laying on top of him."

He wrinkled his nose. "Yheah... still... eeeew. Will Celestia even approve of that though? Isn't it cruelty or something?"

"Probably, but they invaded us first... and then came back. Either way, he ain't going nowhere fast. Heh... good thing you always check in though or he might have fooled us. Paranoid's been twitchy since the wedding, and even SHE only knew he wasn't you because you checked in earlier." Beachhead shook his head again, "Damn bugs are good at this impersonation stuff. Had your voice down, even had some flying-pig story about being coltnapped, but he didn't know you were already back."

"Dang. And you guys just jumped him though?"

"Heck yheah, we did! We're the Royal Guard! We're trained for this!"

"Yheah, but I mean, you jumped the obvious changeling."

"That's kind of the point, but yheah."

"Beachhead... buddy, permission to speak freely?"

Beachhead raised an eyebrow but nodded, "Yheah, you ain't on duty so let 'er rip."

"You jumped the obvious changeling."

"Yheah... we covered that Squaddie."

"No, I mean, you jumped the ~OBVIOUS~ changeling."

"Yheah, we jumped the...oh crap."

"Yheah, they're infiltrators... so if one did something that dumb, it's because they would have needed a distraction."

Beachhead frowned hard, running scenarios through his head as he was known to do. It didn't look good. An obvious changeling meant an obvious deception. An obvious deception meant a clear decoy. A decoy meant another changeling had used the distraction to infiltrate in the ensuing chaos. They'd been fighting the blasted things all over the city, but had stopped all the major attacks. For all intents and purposes they'd failed at every attempt!

"Hey boss?"

"Yheah, Early?"

"Nopony's checked on the Princesses recently, have they?"

"Celestia's holding court, Luna's asleep, no news there."

"Yheah, but when was the last time anypony's ~actually~ checked?"

"Few hours? Since Celestia raised the sun. Saw her walk back in myself."

"And then?"

"Then what?"

"And then no word? No response to the invasion? No new orders?"

"Nah, she just asked to have some guards watch one of the changelings we caught."

"Watch? Not imprison? Not interrogate?"

"Nope, did that all herse....lf." Beachhead frowned.

The two stallions looked at one another, pegasus commander to earth pony infantry, before sounding the alarm.

-~oOo~-

WC was standing in a well lit room made of stone and ribbed with metal bars.

WC was standing in a well lit room made of stone and ribbed with metal bars and wrapped in chains and bolted to the floor.

WC was standing in a well lit room made of stone and ribbed with metal bars and wrapped in chains and bolted to the floor and surrounded by no less than 8 ponies in full armor with weapons drawn.

WC was still smiling. Of course he was smiling. He was playing freeze tag with these very fun ponies.

Even if they had forgotten to tag one another.

Or choose a new 'it'.

Or even tell him the time limit for being frozen.

Or even followed the basic idea of freeze tag... what with moving him after he was frozen.

But they were ponies, so they were prone to doing silly things.

WC was alright with that. WC loved to play with ponies. They were fun and exciting and silly and sometimes even surprising.

But WC knew it was almost time for him to stop playing freeze tag.

Sleep Dep had been very specific about him being certain places at certain times. She'd told him to go stand in the park near the fountain by the fly-boats. She'd told him to be there EXACTLY at the time when the bakers were turning out their bread pans. She'd told him to have fun and play with the ponies that showed up, that they just wanted a game or two and that he should be careful not to hurt himself or them unless he had to.

She'd made him repeat it back to her four times.

WC was a good changeling. WC knew when Sleep Dep was telling him something important.

So, when the ponies had moved him while he was frozen, he'd watched everything they did carefully.

He'd counted the doors they'd gone through.

He'd remembered the turns they'd made.

He'd memorized the keys on the keyrings that the door-ponies used.

He'd listened to the names of the ponies as they talked.

He'd memorized the faces and distinctive marks of all the ponies that had been playing with him.

And he'd even remembered that when he was done playing, he was supposed to go home to Momma.

WC smiled.

"You know, Caltrop, I think it's finally gotten to him."

"Oh? What makes you say that Fodder?"

"Well, I mean, we wore him down and he just gave up when he realized he couldn't beat the skill and training of the Royal Guard."

"You.... do remember that this thing was pretty much just throwing us around like confetti, right? I mean, we couldn't even TOUCH it and it was making us look like foals."

"Nah. I mean, why would he give up if he was that good. He was probably just lucky and gave up when he realized we'd eventually just wipe the floor with him."

"Yheah, I'm pretty sure that's not it, Fodder."

"I'm just saying... if he was that good, why stop?"

"No idea. Those things are grade-A weird. So... why'd you bring this all up anyway?"

"Oh... right. Well, I just noticed, he's smiling now. Figured his little buggy brain finally just gave up."

"... Fodder."

"Yheah, Caltrop?"

"... call for help. Now."

"Um... why?"

"Because, if it's smiling, I'm betting that it was just waiting for something. Call.... for... help." Caltrop set his hooves and braced as the rest of the Guard did likewise, shields up and weapons ready.... except for Fodder.

"Caltrop, there's like.... a dozen of us and only one of him."

Seven Royal Guard glanced around the room as the captured changeling shifted its body, causing numerous chains to clink and clank as bolts on the floor and wall strained. One guard, Fodder, just smiled as he gestured to the changeling. "Seriously, Caltrop, it's not like he could even get out of all that in the first place."

A flash of green and silver fire erupted from the mass of chains as the large changeling wrapped within suddenly seemed to shrink, causing the chains to fall to the floor around it.

"Fodder, you're an idiot." The chorus of agreement went almost unnoticed as a second flash returned the changeling to an even larger, and more intimidating form. Where before he had been twice the size of the ponies, he was now almost as large as Celestia, black plated, and sporting a massive flare of armor around his head. Thick legs, terminating in hammer-sized spikes, turned the massive changeling to face the guards nearest the door, a pair of pincer-like mandibles clicking ominously.

Caltrop screamed like a filly while Fodder blinked in surprise.

WC liked to play with ponies. They were fun. But Sleep said to go home when the time was right, and he wasn't going to get in trouble for staying out too late, not even if his new friends wanted him to sleep over.

WC was going home to see Momma... and he didn't care which walls were in the way.

-~oOo~-

High Tide

Miss Circumstance fled the antechamber with all the dignity she could muster which, under the circumstances (ironically), wasn't very much at all.

She just couldn't understand what had happened. One moment, she was in a particularly exclusive queue to speak with Princess Celestia, idly noting the other 5 ponies present, when she happened to notice a particularly avant-garde manestyle and felt compelled to engage the mare who possessed it.

Normally, fashion and style weren't her forte but, when the only other pony in the room important enough to merit some of the Princess' time was sporting such a style... well, she was willing to take that step.

When she had noticed the bust of one of Equestria's most noted orators right next to the mare, it only seemed polite to engage in conversation and exchange pleasantries.

And yet that loathsome creature had not only destroyed the bust but had called her such uncouth names! The nerve! The absolute indignity of being verbally accosted by some important, yet unknown, individual... RIGHT OUTSIDE THE PRINCESS' THRONE ROOM... there would be repercussions!

REPERCUSSIONS!

... but even so, it hurt! How could she so easily call her out on such things! She'd known Daddy hadn't really loved her like his other daughters, and Momma really only spoke to her when company was around, and those suitors... those foul, filthy, lecherous slabs of meat that constantly sniffed at her as she passed or gave her half lidded eyes when they thought nopony was watching... how could she have known how much that hurt?!?

Ultimately, it didn't matter. Tears didn't make the lady, the title made the lady. The title and what she could do with it.

And Miss Whimsy Circumstance was the eldest daughter of someone with quite a title indeed.

Stopping her run once she was certain no one important was watching, Whimsy sniffed once to clear her features, brushed back her mane, and put on the most indignant face she could. It was time to do some damage.

And if that insufferable little nobody thought that the eldest daughter of the famous dignitary, Pomp Andre Circumstance, could be pushed around, she was going to make sure the other nobility would snub her into the dirt.

So, with a haughty huff, she pushed open the doors to the grande hall she had previously avoided, stepped back out into the throng, and gave her best show yet.

Within a minute, the guards were being called to quell the riot of nobles.

-~oOo~-

"Barrier! Shock! Tumble! Tactics! Meat Lump! Get a move on!"

Guard Captain, Barricade Bottleneck, was howling out orders as fast as he could. The heavyset earthpony stallion barked orders as the various squad leaders leapt to his will, each snapping off their own commands in time to set their respective teams in motion.

The call for aid had gone out only moments before, but from what he heard, the nobles were in a right-tizzy over something.

Probably a muffin with the wrong amount of glaze or some other foalish thing, but the call had been made and by Celestia's magnificent flanks, he was NOT going to be the one to drop the ball on this one.

Within moments, five teams of specially trained Royal Guard were racing to the scene of the commotion. Overhead, Shock's Aerialists were taking a shortcut by flying up the outside of the castle, intent on being first line breakers and disrupting any real trouble before it had a chance to take root. Just ahead of himself, Tumble and Barrier's teams were charging towards the guard tunnels to avoid any crowds or onlookers who might otherwise delay their arrival. Meat Lump's group, composed entirely of some of the most heavily armored stallions and mares the Guard had to offer, was lumbering towards the teleport room while Tactic's specialists set the runes for the Throne Room Gallery.

Bottleneck, himself, was wondering what the heck had gone on that required Guard intervention... especially with a batch of uppity, out of shape, lazy, do-nothing nobles.

But, it wasn't his place to ask such questions. No... he was a Guard Captain. His place was in following orders and resolving problems. So, with a quick check of his armor, he stepped onto the teleport rune, glanced at Tactics, and nodded.

The mare gave a sharp nod before dropping her hoof down on the command panel, and Bottleneck's world dissolved into light.

A loud pop and flash later, and Bottleneck was wading through a veritable sea of angry ponies. Dresses were torn and suit-coats rent asunder. Fancy drinks and tiny little cracker things, with what could almost be considered a nibble's worth of bitter food, were sent flying. Insults were hurled and bare hoof met solid plate armor often enough to make him wonder if being a noble systematically excused the common act of learning.

And then Meat Lump's team arrived and the whole thing fell apart.

Under the combined weight of nearly forty armed and armored Guard, the mess of nobles seemed to collapse as the balance of power shifted from 'angry-self-interest' to 'combat-trained-and-ready'.

Bottleneck looked over the flagging rioters and nodded. No injuries a bandage couldn't fix and no appreciable damage to the premises. The antechamber doors were still closed and even the herald seemed to have weathered the event with only a mussed mane and disheveled jacket to tell of it.

A job well done. Time to clean up and...

And then he heard the sound of charging hoofsteps coming up behind him. Turning, he saw one of the messenger ponies racing at a sprint, a look of panic on his face.

"One of the changelings is breaking out! It's tearing it's way through the castle!"

Bottleneck blinked as he weighed events...

A commotion near the Princess with no discernible cause. A call for aide for the Crown's specialists to respond. Nothing but angry nobles in a controlled room and no defenses lost. Concentrating the best of the best in one location while simultaneously separating them from the teleport room which would let them rapidly engage other threats.

And all the while, a changeling prisoner was breaking out of the dungeons and wreaking havoc while they were occupied on some idiot noble's pointless tantrum.

"GUARD! Form up! We've been had! ABOUT FACE AND PREPARE FOR AMBUSH!"

The sound of over forty Guard snapping to defensive formations could have been mistaken for thunder.

And for once, the nobles shut the hell up.

-~oOo~-

Celestia sighed softly as she sat upon her throne paging through reports from all over Canterlot. Sunlight poured in through the stained glass windows, the rich golds of afternoon casting glorious sprays of color across pristine marble and the thick red carpet that stretched from the throne room doors all the way to the raised dais of the throne itself.

The sky dock had been attacked by a lone changeling and spared much more than the damage a janitor could correct with a stiff broom. The changeling had been repelled and the injured had been tended to with no complications.

The couriers near Market Row had been disrupted by the constant travel of the Guard. Unfortunate, yet unavoidable given the circumstances. Their losses were mostly of the order of lost time, but the inconvenience would likely be a sour note with the more influential members of the upper class in the coming weeks.

A number of minor thefts had been reported throughout the city; hardly surprising given the nature of an 'invasion'... though she privately suspected that a number of such 'thefts' were actually the antics of a hoof-full of unscrupulous, though ultimately harmless, ponies out for a quick bit. The insurance adjusters could handle that "crisis" on their own.

The quartermaster for the South Quarter barracks had reported a missing champron and peytral shortly after lunch... and while expensive, it was completely understandable given the haste with which the Guard were being repeatedly deployed to handle the conflict within the city.

Celestia paused. Unless, of course, the missing armor had been stolen by a changeling infiltrator. Kibitz had mentioned they'd caught one at the same barracks that morning... and it was apparently waiting for interrogation in the antechamber at that very moment.

She levitated over another short list, this one a set of petitioners who had been screened by the herald to cut down on their numbers for the day. Celestia closed her eyes for a moment, raising a hoof to her forehead as the dull pain of a headache reminded her of the reason for that screening.

Too much stress... just... yes, it was an invasion, but still... just once, it would be nice to have an invading force be considerate enough to politely knock and request their demands over tea. But no... it was always howling, braying, noisome nonsense and the endless rattling of sabers.

With a soft sigh, Celestia raised the list again and took a moment to read it.

Hmmm....  only three so far? She smiled to herself. Finally; something simple to lift her mood.

"Well then, let's see who we have first. Kibitz?"

The elderly unicorn stepped up, adjusting his finely tailored suit and monocle as a scroll floated attentively beside him.

Celestia smiled and addressed her assistant, "Please see the first petitioner in... A miss.... Circumstance I believe?"

Kibitz sniffed politely before raising an eyebrow as he checked his list. "I am happy to say, You Highness, that miss Circumstance has relinquished her claim to your time and decided to attend to her concerns of her own accord. Your next supplicant is a ... pardon, ~AN~ Irrefutable Nuisance."

Celestia, smiling at the news of the noble deciding to solve her own problems (for once), had just started to sip her tea as Kibitz's comment caused her to nearly snort in stifled laughter. Raising a hoof to her muzzle, and a napkin to her lips, she turned to look at the elderly stallion.

"Kibitz!" she chuckled, " I didn't know you had it in you. Well done."

The stallion had the decency to look properly innocent before replying, "Your Majesty?"

"Calling them an insufferable nuisance. Quite funny, but let's not get in the habit of it please. We'd not like that slipping out when dignitaries might overhear." Celestia smiled with genuine mirth as she patted her lips to make sure she hadn't spit any of her tea at his joke.

"Ah, no. I'm sorry for the confusion, Princess, but that is the mare's name: Irrefutable Nuisance." He adjusted his monocle again before floating the list over for her perusal.

Celestia, for her own part, blinked a moment before physically taking the list and reading it over. 'Irrefutable Nuisance'. Right there... in bold black ink.

"Well then, now I feel somewhat ashamed for thinking ill of them. I suppose an apology is in order Kibitz. I should have known you would never speak ill of the ponies who come looking for a moment of my time. I am sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I know you take your job quite seriously."

Kibitz, for his own part, simply adjusted his monocle again before wiggling his mustache with a tiny smile. "Think nothing of it, Your Highness." And as he turned to cross the room and let in Irrefutable Nuisance, he turned back with a tiny smile of his own, "Besides, I liked your name for her better."

Celestia blinked a moment. "My name for her?"

Kibitz kept his tiny, stiff smile, as he wiggled his mustache, "Why yes, Your Majesty. You did say she was 'An insufferable nuisance' after all."

Celestia smirked again, but had to resist laughing and school her features as Kibitz pulled open the door to reveal an irate looking, light green unicorn with a head of white done up in a bizarre style to vaguely resemble a lumpy platypus... with a coffee cup floating beside her.

-~oOo~-

Sleep Dep sipped her coffee as she let her eyes play over the room. Immaculate white stone, polished to a high shine and marbled with the fine speckling of a natural gold vein met with the almost blue-white trunks of the matching columns that stood every few yards, framed each stained glass window, and ascended into the cavernous space of the the throne rooms four five story arches. A thick red carpet led from the towering doors behind her all the way up to the fifteen foot tall throne, upon which sat a bloated, caked stuffed, nag of a tyrant.

Obnoxious foalnappers aside though, Sleep's mind took note of the ten pairs of Guard, all armed and armored, who stood watch from every alcove, crevice, nook and cranny.

8 pegassi.

12 dirt ponies.

10 horny crybabies.

She snorted softly before wrinkling her nose and looking up at the bitch on the bench. "So... let's cut the crap and get to the part where you surrender."

Celestia, admittedly not unknown for her centuries of diplomatic escapades, had the decency to simply raise an eyebrow before glancing back at a scrap of parchment floating next to her.

Sleep sipped her coffee again as she noticed the slight tightening of a number of the Guard's forelegs upon spear and sword alike. Figures they'd try to get in the way.

"Miss.... Nuisance? I seem to have been misinformed. I was under the impression that you had some form of complaint that you had petitioned for... but, I am intrigued." Celestia leaned forward slightly as she let the parchment settle upon a nearby bench. "For what reason would I surrender? And to whom?"

Sleep's frown edged up just slightly... almost approaching a graceless smile. "Why, to avoid the disgrace of falling to an invading army, having to explain to your subjects and your sister how you lost the kingdom, and then suffering the indignity and embarrassment of total and utter defeat." She sipped her coffee again before gesturing with it around the room, "And to me, of course."

Celestia smirked slightly, floating her own cup of tea over as she took a moment to look over the mare. Clearly this one was upset over something... not a week went by that some noble or dignitary wasn't... but rarely did she actually receive threats or outright demands.

Well, except from the griffons or minotaurs. The traditional griffon demand for using "their" air included a sum of bits that, when calculated out, would weigh more than the collective mountain upon which her own palace sat. And the minotaurs? Well... their standard invitation to anything more formal than tea would demand her immediate execution and delivery of her head in a gold plated box.

She had quite the collection of such letters. They made wonderful coasters with how thick they were.

But to have a random pony be so upset that they would demand such from her? That was arguably one of the more novel approaches to petitioning the crown that Celestia could remember.

"My dear, Nuisance, I'm afraid I don't underst-"

The mare cut her off. "Clearly. So let's get to the simple parts. You.... surrender. I take over. Simple as that. Failure to comply will result in an armed invasion. Complying will result in your subjugation and inclusion in reforms that will benefit us all. Well, except you. You'll lose. No arguing that. No negotiations. I'm done with playing nice."

Celestia looked over her throne room, noting the number of guards that lined her walls, watching her intently before settling upon the mare once more.

"You do realize that saying as you have constitutes treason... and while I love my little ponies, one and all, I cannot allow you to bring harm to any of my subjects.... yourself included."

The mare scowled. "I'm not asking again... surrender or you will be taken by my forces."

Celestia frowned. Normally having her even suggest punishment would deter... but the mare seemed only to become more agitated. And the open mention of 'her forces'.... that sounded uncannily like......

With only a moment to consider, Celestia glanced over the guards who had been staring at the mare before her. Guards that were normally stoic and able to hold their emotions in check. Guards that should know better than to ready weapons without her command. Guards who should have known that she'd be more likely to have the mare taken for help and counseling than being treated with violence.

And in the quiet of her moment of reflection, the report from earlier screamed at her: armor from the barracks was missing, a changeling had been caught, countless distractions with no discernible pattern of attack, and now a room of 'loyal' guards, all hanging on every word of the strange mare before her.

Celestia's horn flashed, and in an instant, every Guard in the throne room dropped to the floor unconscious.

The soft thump beside her drew her attention as Kibitz dropped to the floor as well.

The mare rose an eyebrow at the display.

"I'll not have your infiltrators causing a ruckus, Changeling."

Sleep Dep casually looked around the room. "Was that supposed to do something? They weren't mine, Peasant."

Celestia blinked as the sound of combat reached her ears from the room behind the throne room doors.

-~oOo~-

"Sir! Up ahead! The Specialists are arrayed against us!"

"Then prepare to subdue! We've got to stop them, but it's not their fault!"

"Hold fast, troops! Here they come!"

Luna raised an eyebrow as she watched the commotion below. Of all the antics that her little ponies could get up to, she found this particular bit of entertainment to be confusing.

The nobles had gone into an uproar... as they were prone to do... and the Guard had been summoned. The Guard had, appropriately and predictably, swept in with the decisiveness she had come to expect of her sister's forces. They had gained control of the situation within moments and reduced the troublemakers to little more than frustrated mutterers with little to show for their momentary growth of spine.

And then, a runner had come up, said something to the captain, and the Guard had instantly drawn into a defensive formation.

Luna mused to herself.... it wasn't a terribly good defensive formation, by her standards at least. The earth ponies were in front, set to take the sweeping blows. The pegassi were arrayed above and amidst, capable of intercepting projectiles as well as offering air support. The unicorns were deployed primarily near the back of the formation, giving them the space and time they would need to combat hostile magics and supply relief if the earth ponies were overrun. A very scroll worthy formation.

And yet, Luna knew they would have never expected her to drop down amongst them. They would be paralyzed should a cockatrice or Tatzl appear. They could repel nearly any equestrian assault, given the locale and their training, but they lacked the creative spark of true warriors.

And then... they all fell over.

Luna blinked.

She watched as a second troupe of Guard swarmed into the antechamber and cautiously filtered through the downed Specialists.

Was this some new strategy?

Luna smiled. It wasn't every century that a truly novel act brought her such confusion... especially on the field of battle.

And so, with silent glee and a rare sense of wonderment, Luna scooped up another hoof full of exploded maize, drizzled with salted butter, and watched the scene unfold.

-~oOo~-

Anchored in Polite Company

Beachhead darted up the stairway towards the throne room antichamber, the sounds of armed combat stirring his wings to fly faster even as his years of experience told him to stay with the group.

It was infuriating!

He wanted to MOVE! He wanted to be in the thick of things. He wanted to get those chitinous little bug-brained insurgents before they could do any damage. And all the while, he had to deal with the majority of the troupe Early and himself had been able to raise, as being grounded.

Behind him, the clanging and crashing of the tide of Guard told him they were keeping a decent pace, but 'decent' wouldn't be good enough if those bugs got to Celestia's personal guards before they could raise the alarm. With a burst of speed, Beachhead tried to dart ahead again, only to be yanked back by the blue-white glow of one of the unicorn arcanists.

Blasted mages... always cheating with that freaky magic of theirs.

Beachhead snarled to himself, glancing back and trying to find the glowing horn among the mass of metal behind him, a task made impossible by the uncounted reflections of gold and stained glass. Probably better that he didn't know anyway... what with the need to keep morale.

Beachhead snorted as the magic winked out, turning to resume his course around the corner, only to see a full team of Royal Specialists arrayed in a defensive formation in the antichamber.

Pulling an abrupt aerial somersault, he kicked off the nearby wall and spun back around the corner to halt his troupe. It would do nopony any good to charge headlong into that mess. Time for the unicorns to earn their keep.

"Aura! Blaze! Cinder! Flash! Cupcake! Get your horns in gear and shields up! Defensive line at point and Specialists confirmed!" Beachhead barked.

As the unicorns named snapped to attention and began to channel their shields, Beachhead took a second to check over his improvised assault squad. Far too many earth ponies and unicorns for his liking, but then again, they were at least all Guard.... that had to count for something, right? Couldn't have everypony a skilled aerialist or strafer. Besides, it was always easier to soak up the mess with earth pony stamina.... something he admitted made the big guys more valuable in protracted conflicts. Unicorns... magic was a cheat, but as long as you had more than your adversary, it seemed fair..... kind of.

He glanced back to the line of unicorns but blinked as he noticed Early Warning tentatively peeking around the corner.

"Early! Get your sorry little muzzle back here before it gets blown off!"

As much as that colt played with the heavies, Beachhead never could understand how he'd managed to not get messed up. Ah well, the mares loved his own scars... helped him look ~distinguished~... and Early would forever be the 'cute' one rather than the stallion the mares giggled about like himself.

But that didn't mean he should go and get his face torn off by some spell-happy idiot with an itchy horn.

Before anything could happen, Beachhead darted across the corner, rebounded off the wall and piled into Early, knocking the pair back behind cover.

"Early, so help me, if you do something that stupid again, I will geld you myself!"

Early Warning, a bit dazed from his unexpected trip back into the hallway, simply blinked for a moment before reaching up and adjusting his helmet. "Um, Sir, yes sir. But.... um.... "

"Spit it out Early, In case you didn't remember, we're about to engage our own forces in an attempt to save Equestria."

"About that, sir, they're...."

"They're WHAT?"

"They're on the ground sir."

Beachhead blinked and jerked his head towards the corner, "Horn-heads, assess the situation."

With a nod from Cinder, the four steeled themselves and leapt out of cover, a multi-hued shield spell wobbling and sparking between them, only to come to a quiet halt.

"Sir!" Aura called back, her voice warbling with the shifting glow her spells were known for, "zero hostiles. Force neutralized by unknown cause. Orders?"

Beachhead frowned. He'd been around that corner not ten seconds ago and had seen a mass of the crown's best arrayed in a defensive formation. He'd seen the armor, felt the wind of their pegassi, and could damn well taste the ionization of their mages as they prepped spells. He knew they'd been there.

Hopping off Early Warning, the pegasus stole over to the corner and ducked behind the unicorn shields before looking into the antechamber.

"What the...." he started before catching himself. "Proceed with caution. Unknown hostile may be present. Unicorns and skirmishers up front. Shields ready. Flyboys, keep back until we know the score."

Early Warning shook himself off and got to his hooves before glancing around the corner. "Um, sir?"

"What is it Early?"

"Is that the changeling Me over there?"

Beachhead glanced around the room, eyes flicking over all the unmoving ponies, noble and guard alike, until his eyes settled on a familiar face.... albeit a familiar face that was chained up and slumped between four guards.

"Looks like it, Early," he chuckled, "What's the matter? Getting ideas seeing yourself chained up and being held by the guard?"

"Hardly sir, but if he's here, who was the one at the barracks?"

And for the second time in less than ten minutes, Beachhead wondered how Early Warning wasn't an officer yet.

"Oh, and sir?"

"Yes, Early?"

"I like your attitude better when I'm off shift."

Ah..... sweet mystery of the cosmos solved. "Early, When this is over, you'll be giving me 50 laps."

-~oOo~-

Recon groaned softly as she swallowed another bite of the incredibly-delicious-and-completely-not-a-distraction-from-the-overwhelming-stress-of-being-held-by-the-royal-guard cake. It had been her 9th slice, and though delicious, she was well aware that she was well past her limit.

Her belly was rounded and sore to the touch, her head ached with the tension of hours of twitchy alertness, and her jaw hurt from chewing on far, far too many treats in an effort to distract herself... er... to lull her captors into a false sense of security.

Lowering her head and closing her eyes, she let her horn rest on the pillow before her, soaking up the warm comfort of the pegasus whose wing was draped over her body.

When the hells had that happened?!?

Quickly blinking back to alertness, she glanced at the stallion who was idly reading a book while she leaned against his side.

She honestly didn't remember him laying down next to her, let alone putting his wing across her back. It was a strange sensation, not knowing. She was so used to being the scout or being called on for a deep-strike by Sleep Dep that it actually ~FELT~ different to have missed something so obvious. It was strange enough that she opened her mouth a tiny bit to see if she could taste the difference.

A few seconds later, she popped her mouth closed, embarrassed with her childish lapse. Of course she couldn't taste her ~own~ emotions.... she ate those, just like every changeling.

But after a few moments, she noticed that the stallion was no longer reading his book but, rather, looking at her with a bit of concern.

"Are you feeling a bit better miss?" he asked, the softness of his voice matched with a slight hint of affection across her tongue.

Affection?!?

Recon blinked for a moment. The fact that the stallion was a sworn enemy, and yet showing such vulnerability and care was almost as startling as the sudden recognition of the stack of empty trays before her.  He felt warm and ... comfortable, even though she was undisguised. He should be screaming ~hate~ or ~terror~ with her being revealed. She should be vomiting up gel to secure him and purging herself of the bitter emotions. He should be fighting her and she should be formulating an escape plan.

She ~really~ shouldn't have eaten all those sweets.

A tiny burp was the only warning either of them had before a large quantity of both baked goods and changeling gel were splattered across the two of them and the pillows they rested on.

To his credit, the stallion only made a face and wiped the mess off.

The other one in the room... well, he puked like a drunk and stumbled from the room calling for aide.

Recon wasn't sure what to think... but if he wasn't running after that, he was a tougher pony than she'd given the race credit for.

-~oOo~-

The herald crept out from his hiding spot behind the podium in the throne room antichamber. For the last few minutes, the nobles had been rioting and, up until the Guard arrived, doing a fairly good job of it.

Then, of course, the Guard ~HAD~ arrived. Spears had been drawn, spells had been cast, nobles had been reminded why they hired others to fight in their place, and the Guard had stood proudly upon the veritable mountain of humble pie the nobles would be feasting upon tonight... and then, they'd all fallen over.

Peeking out from behind his highly polished improvised barricade, he surveyed the scene before him.

Nobles, everywhere, in various stages of dishevelment. Guards, everywhere, in various stages of silly poses. Weapons littering the marble hall in every location not occupied by a pony of one of the two groups.

It was utter nonsense... There was no way the nobles could have repelled the Guard... especially considering these particular Guard appeared to have been better trained and armed than the run of the mill variety that sat on battlements, gave directions and posed for tourists.

And then he heard the sounds of hooves and armor clattering down the hall and ducked back behind the podium. No sense in giving the wrong impression to twitchy guards responding to the commotion.

He blinked softly as he listened to the new arrivals. They were being careful, which was good. No guard should be foolhardy enough to simply charge into such a bizarre scene, but at the same time, 'careful' could become 'paranoid' all too easily.

Sighing inwardly, he took a breath and steeled himself for what was to come.

He didn't have to wait long.

A unicorn stallion crept by, horn aglow with a prepared spell of some kind, and nearly fired when he swung his head around and spotted the herald hiding behind the podium. A few tense seconds passed as the two stared at one another before the herald slowly raised a hoof and pointed at the throne room door with a frightened look on his face.

"S-she's in th-th-there," he stuttered, making sure his movements were small and as non-threatening as possible.

It was a few seconds later that the unicorn's horn dimmed and he pulled his head up. "Hey! Captain! We got one awake over here!"

The rapid, though restrained clopping of hooves announced Beachhead's approach, each clop causing the herald's ears to twitch nervously.

But, who could blame him? He was the herald, afterall. He was old and gray and certainly not fit for combat for several decades and the madness that had broken out only minutes ago was clearly still working its way through his system.

"At ease, civilian. What happened here... in as clear a manner as you can, please."

The herald swallowed before nodding nervously. "The nobles, sir, they just came in and got ornery today. More ornery than normal, I mean. And they kept getting worse. But the Princess said not to let them in today... that she was busy with something important with the changeling. So, I've been turning them all away, but then some came with another changeling and they disappeared inside. Been in there for hours. And when another mare came up, saying she'd been injured, I remembered that the Princess had said that 'actual' grievences should be let through, so I let her in, and the Nobles just erupted!" He gestured to the floor covered in ponies.

"The next thing I know, the Guard are teleporting in, flying around, and weapons are drawn. They got into it, real gently, don't think anyone was hurt, but then Celestia yelled from the throne room and everyone just dropped!" He licked his lips, visibly shaking.

Beachhead waited a few more moments before turning back to the troupe. "Get in formation, everyone. We were right, Celestia's stuck in there with the changeling. Might already be under their mind control. Aura, check to see if that was one of Celestia's stun spells... if it is, we've got more problems."

A few more seconds passed as the unicorn mare cast a few spells of her own before turning to Beachhead and nodding. "Sir, it's her work, sir."

"Damn. Troops, assume Celestia's either been replaced or is currently under the control of the changelings. Prepare to do your duty."

A grim nod passed through the assorted mares and stallions. Early Warning frowned and opened his mouth to speak, but one glance at Beachhead told him it was a lost cause.

And as one, they turned to the throne room doors as two heavyset Earthpony stallions in three inch thick iron plate tramplers turned their backs to the doors, cocked their legs, and bucked.

-~oOo~-

How Many Lumps?

Early Warning flinched as the first thunderous crash of hoof upon door echoed throughout the marble antechamber.

It wasn't as if he'd never heard an earthpony buck something before, the breed was practically known for their ridiculous strength and stamina after all, but something about seeing two heavyset, armored, stallions kicking with iron plated tramplers that likely weighed half as much as his own body...... well, it left him feeling uneasy. Not that anypony would fault him for it, he was an earthpony himself, but the fact of the matter was that even then, there was absolutely no possible way he could ever pull off a feat like those two.

He flinched again as the next batch of kicks caused the towering doors to ring like some titanic bell. Others around him were staring, grim faced and deadly determined as they readied themselves for the moment the doors gave. Aura and Cinder were positively glaring at the door, horns alight with magic as they attempted to aid their compatriots. Beside him, Beachhead's wings were partially splayed as he instinctively bristled and tried to look more intimidating. A few of the others had set their hooves or picked up a spare shield of spear from the collection that littered the floor.

And all the while, Early could only think to himself, "Oh crap.... I am so not ready for this."

"Hey, Beachhead..."

"Early, whatever it is, spit if out, we don't have time for this."

"I was just thinking, with the other changeling right there, and his guards knocked out, shouldn't we have somepony secure him before he wakes up?"

Beachhead frowned again. Damn it! Early just kept pointing out the stuff that should have been obvious. If Beachhead didn't know better, he'd have sworn that stallion was after his job.

With a sigh, Beachhead glanced over and flinched as the third buck echoed through the antechamber. "Go and wake up Bottleneck. Have him take over and guard the changeling."

"Not me, sir?"

"No, not you! Does it look like we've got enough horsepower to take on a changeling ~and~ a mind controlled Celestia? We need every hoof we can get."

Early's eyebrows knit together as he tried to think of something, anything, that might help. "Um... but what about the guards taking on that other changeling in the dungeons?"

Beachhead's one eyebrow crept up his face slowly. "You think you got it in you to get them to come the moment they've got that one taken care of?"

Early's relief was almost palatable as he bobbed his head. "Yes, sir! I know the way and can be there and back before you even get those doors open!"

"Fine, do it. And don't make me regret this, Early. I mean that. Get your sorry flank down there, plant that bug in the ground and get whoever you can to come ASAP."

Early Warning snapped a salute, grabbed a spare spear from the ground, and bolted for the entry hall... pointedly ignoring the squads of unconcious specialists all around them.

Beachhead watched him go, glancing to the ragtag bunch of guards they'd been able to assemble as the forth buck sent the throne room doors screaming inwards on their hinges.

"Damnit, Early.... you're not even out of the room and the door's open. You owe me 75 laps now!" Beachhead shouted before turning to look into the revealed room itself.

Before them - not one hundred feet away - a green unicorn with a hideous white mane stood upon Celestia's carpet, a cup floating beside her. There was no sign of a struggle, nothing to fit with the yelling the herald had mentioned, but there were signs of rampant magic. Guards littered the floor here as well. Weapons and shields, tossed at seeming random. Trained guards toppled in their alcoves or slumped across their brethren from the short tumbles the pegassi had apparently taken on their way to the ground. Even the royal attendant, that stuffy old unicorn that seemed to always be looking just a little above ponies' heads, was laying on the ground. And above it all, Celestia perched like some hulking vulture upon her throne, a look of utter annoyance upon her normally calm and detached face.

That alone was enough to tell Beachhead what he needed. "Guard, TO ARMS!"

And as one, the troop sprinted into the throne room, spears drawn, to surround the unicorn while disciplined eyes watched their millennial ruler with the pitched focus of a viper.

And yet, for her own part, the unicorn seemed to only mutter something under her breath.

Beachhead didn't like it one bit.

-~oOo~-

Early Warning raced through the hallways dodging servants and guards alike. His task was paramount, he needed to get the reinforcements before things devolved further. There was a changeling somewhere below, tearing through the castle while a group of Celestia's Guard were trying their patent best to keep it contained. There were an undisclosed number of invaders littered throughout the castle. There were even at least two dopplegangers of himself, something that made him nervous for an entirely different set of reasons, not the least of which being that the one in the throne room antechamber was a ~unicorn~ and he was an earthpony.

But Beachhead had been very clear with him. He had a job to do and he did ~not~ want to upset Beachhead.... even if he was a scrubby little pegasus.

A scrubby little pegasus with more years of battle experience than his collection of scars.... something that Early ~really~ did not want to think about. I mean, seriously... how many scars can a pegasus collect and still be able to fly like he did? That was some crazy skill.

But the point being: Early had to get down to the changeling, 'plant' it in the ground, and get whoever he could to come and help in the throne room.

And he had to do it as fast as possible.

As he rounded the corner, he saw another clattering swarm of Guard racing towards him. Captain Deep Strike, leading the throng.

Swallowing his pride, he screamed like a filly and charged through them as he yelled that Celestia had been replaced and taken out the guards.

Deep Strike didn't even flinch as he raced past, a glower the only sign he had heard at all as he pumped his massively muscled legs into the charge.

The mass of guards behind him though? Those mares and stallions took on the angry features of a mob... the previous day's invasion still sorely on their minds as they put that much more into getting there as fast as they could.

-~oOo~-

Celestia looked over the squad of guards that had just pounded down her throne room door. A mix of unicorn arcanists and earth pony skirmishers with two heavies and a sprinkling of aerialist pegassi. Not a particularly balanced troop, admittedly, but given the time in which they had assembled, it wasn't a terrible showing.

Nodding silently to herself, she looked to the unicorn before her... the ~changeling~ before her, she reminded herself.

"So then, Miss Nuisance," she paused before smiling a bit, "which I assume is a completely made up name... shall we dispense with this foolishness now? Can we simply get to a peaceable surrender and put this entire unpleasant day behind us?" Celestia floated her tea over again, sipping the cooling beverage and wondering why it hadn't been refilled before she recalled that Kibitz was currently unconscious.

The mare scowled up at her, sipping her own cup, before nodding and gesturing with a hoof. "Absolutely. I will accept your surrender then, and commend you for seeing reason where your subjects clearly lack the ability."

Celestia blinked, then nearly snorted in laughter before remembering her growing headache and thinking better of it. "Not to insult you, Nuisance, but I believe you misunderstand. I am offering you the chance to surrender even now... to let this go and find a peaceful resolution, despite the abnormally bad timing and planning.... especially right after having repelled Chrysalis just yesterday."

The mare scowled more before setting her cup upon a nearby guard's helmet.... much to his displeasure.

"Now look here... I have been absurdly gracious, Celestia. I'm done though. Give me what's mine or I'll take it by force."

Celestia just couldn't believe it. The unicorn... the changeling... just wouldn't give up. It was almost as if she thought she had a trump card of some sort. Nopony... no ONE... should still be pushing that hard while surrounded by guards, let alone after having watched as she had disabled the mare's forces by herself with almost no effort at all. It simply didn't make sense.

One of the guards, a blue pegasus with a lacework of scars across his body, looked right at her. "Princess, begging your pardon ma'am, but shouldn't we just get rid of the changelings?"

Celestia was keenly aware of how every one of the guards who had just come in was suddenly watching her with rapt attention.

"No, Beachhead, was it? No, we are not going to just wipe out the changelings, even if they are invading again. We should try to understand them, to find a happy solution for both our people.... even if they seem to only want to cause trouble."

The expressions that flashed across the pegasus' face were difficult to follow, but the shock that flew across the numerous guards was more worrisome.

"Princess...." he started again, "Shouldn't we ~get rid of the changelings~ before they take over, by any means necessary?"

Celestia frowned again. Hadn't she just answered that? "No. We are not going to take up arms against them. We will find another way." Seriously? Violence? From her gua....

She looked them over again, just as she caught movement from out in the hallway leading to the antechamber. Movement, that looked like a large platoon of well trained, fully organized royal guard, racing toward her with Captain Deep Strike leading the charge.

The meaning became clear instantly. A double feint. With only the briefest of motions, Celestia's horn flicked over the guards littering her throne room for a second time, dropping them, one and all, to the floor.

The mare glanced around, seeming almost suprized, but remaining silent as the room filled to the brim with angry, panting, fully armed and armored royal guard, spears drawn and eyes intent.

"Princess?" Deep Strike intoned with frustration in his voice.

"Hold, Deep Strike," Celestia said with a hoof to her head for a moment, a deep sigh escaping her as her patience wore thin.

Celestia shook her head slowly, rubbing her eyes in resignation. "So, it will really come to this then? You actually are going to force me to have you taken away, imprisoned, interrogated, and all your little infiltrators discovered and likewise imprisoned? You are actually going to require me to choose the least forgiving path just so you can show off? Is that what you want, Miss Nuisance? You want a spectacle?"

Celestia blinked her eyes as she could feel the tears trying to come. She'd asked for this, not 5 minutes prior... that someone would just drop the act and ask her their demands over tea. She hadn't expected it to be this frustrating... this difficult.

That, and her headache just seemed to be growing the longer the mare refused to accept her generous kindness.

"No, Celestia. I want what's rightfully mine, and you damn well know it! If you won't give it up now, then I'll be forced to act! Last chance. Surrender peacefully before things get out of hoof!"

A number of spears edged towards the agitated mare, though most of the guards eyes glanced at Celestia for her reaction.

Finally, the situation was simply too much. Celestia had had enough. "Alright, you. I've given you every chance to let this go, to find a solution that works for us all. I've given you more chances than I should. I've let you insult my little ponies, myself, and even the very nature of civilized discourse. I'm a good pony, a kind ruler, but I can not let you bring harm to my subjects... which you will do if I let this continue. So, let me be blunt. I captured one of your infiltrators today. I interrogated her. I gathered the information needed to prepare for, and repel, your invasion throughout the city with complete effectiveness. You stand here, in my home, in my very own throne room, and continue to threaten and attack both my subjects and myself, while surrounded by guards after I dispatched your ambush? I believe you to be insane, and incapable of reason, and so, with regret, I will be forced to have you taken away to be treated and counseled, to be rehabilitated while your subjects suffer for your foolish dismissal of my offers."

The mare frowned even deeper, her cup floating over in a rapid snap as she finished her drink and tossed it behind her.

"Look, you dappled-ass, cake repository, I've had it up to here with this crap! So you can either give me what I want, or you're going to find out exactly why I came alone!"

Celestia smirked and raised an eyebrow. "Really? While you're surrounded and I've already dispatched your ambush?" Celestia shook her head, the exchange finally wearing on her.

And then an unfamiliar voice echoed through the room as Captain Deep Strike glared at her. "How was the 'tea,' ~princess~?"

Celestia just barely had time to look up from her growing migraine before the sound of dozens of spears and suits of armor turning in her direction set her mind ablaze.

-~oOo~-

In Vivio Est Lunacy

Celestia blinked as she took stock of the situation.... again.

Outside her throne room, just past the antechamber, there was a collapsed riot of unconscious nobles. Mixed in with that mess was a troupe of the specialists she normally sent out to handle emergency situations where the Elements of Harmony were not needed. One doorway closer, there was a miniature war zone of unconscious guards, a smattering of servants, and a great collection of weapons and shields normally reserved for conflicts with outside nations. Closer still, in her actual throne room, there was a near-carpet of Royal Guard, assorted normal Guard, and at least one very important pony who happened to normally fill the roll of "schedule assistant and intermittent teacup re-filler." Closer still, there was the changeling, Nuisance. And closer still.... uncomfortably close, now that she thought about it.... there was yet another assemblage of the Guard - this one with their spears pointed at herself.

Not the ideal situation.

And then, there was that comment about her tea. Idly, Celestia cast a poison detection charm over her tea, noting with satisfaction that the comment must have been a bluff. Clearly, there was no poison there.

Celestia took a slow breath. "My little ponies, please return your weapons to your ready positions. This Changeling is not well and will be in need of rehabilitation."

She smiled gently, waiting for her Guards to turn and escort Nuisance from her throne room. When a few seconds had passed, she raised one eyebrow and looked the captain squarely in the eye. "Captain Deep Strike, that was not a request."

"Begging your pardon, Princess, but I can't do that. Under the martial code, when the royal family is in danger, there is no point at which the situation may be considered non-hostile until the situation is fully resolved. That applies, as well, if there is any question as to the identity of the royal body or the state of their mind," Deep Strike responded with an oddly dissonant voice.

'Ah,' Celestia thought to herself, 'wonderful.... more changeling mind control. Is there no end to this nonsense?' Outwardly, however, she sighed. "Deep Strike, let me make this absolutely clear: I am perfectly fine, in my right mind, and have not been replaced by a changeling. This mare before me, however, ~is~ a changeling who is leading an invasion of the castle and surrounding area. And while it would be a trivial matter to simply remove her, it is not our way of dealing with such things.... now, would you please remove her?"

When a few of the guards glanced at one another, but no weapons shifted, Celestia came to the frustrating conclusion that these were likely either yet ~another~ changeling squad impersonating her guards or, more likely, a troop that had responded as quickly as they could, but had been mislead by a changeling somewhere along the way.

Sighing, Celestia rubbed her face with a hoof as her headache crept further and further into the realm of planet-shattering-migraine. 'Blast it! Why won't they just get rid of that changeling so I can be done with this?!?!' she screamed internally.

It wasn't really that she couldn't do it herself. She most certainly could. With the fully power of the sun at her command, she could easily banish the small creature before her, sending her anywhere the sun's light touched. She could, alternately, simply freeze her, turning her to stone to deal with at a later time. She could even, were she truly pressed, simply destroy her outright, though that alternative tended to endanger more than just the victim..... releasing the full power of the sun at ground level tended to make entire oceans boil and continents melt into explosively heated slag. No, Celestia was not helpless, but she certainly loved her little ponies enough not to take action unless it was truly needed.

Instead she frowned as a new voice sent stabbing blades of agony into her steadily worsening migraine.

"MOMMA!"

With the speed of something approaching the sound barrier, a mottled black blur crashed through two of the guards and latched onto the form of the scowling changeling before her.

Given the nature of the moment, Celestia could only groan softly and mutter, "what is it now?"

And with a similarly bitter glare, Nuisance spat back, "It's about damn time."

Celestia looked over the scene again, the stunned guards, the changeling, the newly arrived (and visibly overfull) changeling that had been captured earlier, and one of the guards from the tower, all standing amidst the chaos of her throne room.

"So.... you're not invading?"

"Oh.. we've invaded.... I'll be taking what's mine now."

"You can't be serious."

"Very, Tubby. Very serious."

Celestia rolled her eyes and stunned the troupe of Guards.

Nuisance raised an eyebrow, looking over the seemingly ever increasing carpet of unconscious ponies. "Well, I see you're surrendering now. Good choice. I will be a generous Queen."

Celestia rolled her head. "Are you mad? I just knocked out all your backup!"

"Actually, those were your Guard. Again. Only got one of mine there."

Celestia blinked.

"But... but.... The ambush in the throne room!"

"Yours."

"But the army outside!"

"Nobles... useless, but yours too. Thank you for shutting them up though. They were giving me a headache."

"But... but...." Celestia was feeling weaker and finding it harder and harder to think the longer this nonsense continued.

"What's wrong Celestia? Are you feeling under the weather?" Nuisance said with the faintest hint of sickly sweet tainting her words.

Celestia blinked and scanned herself for foreign magics... poisons... anything she could think of. "What have you done to me?"

"Oh, you noisy, old, chubby, nag." The mare stepped over a few of the stunned Guard the infiltrator still clinging to her side, "I didn't do anything to you."

"Liar! Why can't I.... why am I so sleepy? My head is killing me and I can't think!"

The mare smiled as she floated over Celestia's own teacup, sniffing it before pouring it out all over the carpet and marble floor.

"You took my daughter... now, I'm going to take your throne."

Celestia struggled to think. Her magic hadn't found anything in her system... there were no spells affecting her... but her headache had grown to the point of nearly incapacitating levels. Her own sun was so bright that it was painful for her to look at. Painful for the SUN to look at. There was simply no way that....

"Lower the sun, Celestia, don't fight it. Just... lower the sun and agree to my terms and we can be friends. I'm only here to take over, after all."

With a groan and a far too bitter taste in her mouth, Celestia lowered her head.

"Excelle-" Nuisance started, only to hop sideways as Celestia mustered enough will to shoot a blast of magic at her.

The mare glanced at the smoldering patch of carpet, the last wisps of magic evaporating into the afternoon air.

"Fine. Have it your way. I don't have to help you at all. You can't even help yourself."

And with that, Nuisance turned and started trotting from the throne room, the infiltrator shuffling along beside her. A moment later, one of the Guard followed... causing Nuisance to look over, consider him, and ultimately shrug as she continued to walk out.

Celestia grimaced and lifted a hoof to her crown. "You win. Just... don't hurt my little ponies."

The mare stopped, turning her head back to look at the alicorn, "Fatty, that was the furthest thing from my mind."

-~oOo~-

Out Retrospect, In Future Mem

Sleep Dep smiled as she lay back upon a plush couch, sipping a frosty drink. Normally, she would have been sitting on a grungy cushion in some weather worn building on the outskirts of town, sipping another coffee and planning how best to harvest love... but there were apparently benefits to a successful governmental takeover.

Deep Thought sat at a nearby table, shaking his head in disbelief, as he watched Princess Celestia, FORMER Princess Celestia, pressing an inked hoof on form after form as the clerk continued to stamp and sign them in a dull haze of shock.

Recon smiled into her pet stallion's neck, belly straining against the platters of cookies and cakes she's taken up as a stress response to being so close to Celestia.

Celestia sighed a resigned, though slightly humored sigh as she continued flitting through the forms placed before her.

Luna couldn't stop smirking.

-~oOo~-

Deep Thought's eyes flitted over the stack of forms, idly filling in blanks and checking boxes. Ah.... Paperwork. At the end of the day, win or lose, party or peril, ~paperwork~ was the one unassailable force of the universe that Deep Thought could rely upon. Without fear, no matter what happened, there would always be paperwork... likely in triplicate if the ponies had anything to say about it. In septuplicate if the nobles got their way..... always being so wasteful; nobles.

Smirking to himself, Deep Thought dipped his quill and continued checking boxes and filling in blanks, all in an effort to make sure things ran smoothly.

Meanwhile, across the table from him, in the disguise of a cream colored mare with a shock of nearly neon orange mane, Mem watched her hivemate with the impatience gained from having years of memories dumped into her head on a regular basis... and still not having the experience to figure out exactly how they were currently sitting in the royal throne room, filling out paperwork and, as Recon had evidenced, eating a copious amount of baked goods.

Things should not have worked out that way. Mem knew there had to have been a trick or a hidden threat she had missed. There had to have been some kind of veiled doom that the Princesses simply couldn't afford to chance. Her queen must have known something, ~DONE~ something to keep them in line. There was just no possible way that Sleep Dep had simply walked in, told Celestia to surrender, avoided the ancient alicorn's ire and ended up ruling Equestria.

And yet, here they were: sitting on plush cushions, filling out paperwork, playing tag in the gardens, eating pastries, and slowly developing a nervous tick from the paradox level chaos that allowed a hive of changelings to take over Equestria.

Admittedly, that last one was mostly her own. Mem was nothing, if not logical.

And so Mem watched for a few more moments before dropping her disguise, placing a hole-ridden hoof upon the topmost page, and forcing Deep to raise his eyes and address her. "How?"

Deep considered for a moment, a slight smile creeping onto his elegant pony features. "Sleep's brilliant, in her own way. No one has ever just walked in, asked for an audience, and demanded surrender from Princess Celestia. No one would have ever believed anyone stupid enough to try."

"And she did... yes, but HOW did it work out? You can't tell me Celestia just gave up Equestria to her."

"No... not exactly. There was a little more to it than that." Deep chuckled quietly as he reached for a cup of esspresso, courtesy of the royal attendant, Kibitz.

"Deep, out with it."

Deep raised his eyebrow as he swallowed and nodded his thanks to the elderly unicorn before turning back to Mem and smiling. "We spiked her tea."

"She's an immortal alicorn, with enough power to crush mountains and boil the oceans, with the tactical know-how to defend her nation by serving breakfast for all meals of the day. There's no way she'd be fool enough to miss poison in her tea." Mem snarked while snapping up a croissant from a nearby tray.

Deep crossed his hooves patiently, leaning his chin upon them as he smiled faintly. "Nope. No chance of that."

"So what do you mean you spiked her tea?!?"

"We spiked her tea."

"WITH WHAT?!?"

Deep Thought smiled as he lit his horn and a faintly glowing scene began to play out before him. "With tea."

-~oOo~-

***Two hours before the 'invasion***

Relay was darting between buildings when she happened to spot a cart that had been hauling goods to and from the castle kitchen pausing to pick up a load of goods.

Tilting her head and blinking, the simple order of "tell Deep what kind of tea Celestia drinks" echoed in her mind.

The cart was from the royal kitchens.

Celestia was well known for her habit of drinking tea.

The cart was getting dry goods from a storehouse.

The loader was carting a wooden barrel with the royal seal onto the cart with a label of "Royal Reserve."

Relay grinned and flitted down, waited for the cart to start moving, and opened the barrel to steal a hoofful of the tea, before flitting off to find Deep.

Mem stared at the image of Relay flitting off like a mad-mare with a tiny cloud of tea dust in her wake, "AND?"

Deep smiled again, reaching for another form as he took a sip of his espresso before looking up at her from under his brows, "And she doesn't drink tea."

Mem blinked.

"She drinks thrice decanted espresso and has the cook enchant it to look and smell like tea so she can keep up appearances."

Mem blinked again.

"So I had Mine steal some bits while he was mingling, bought up all the espresso in the city, sent the shopkeeps on vacation, flipped her coffee for tea, and made sure to make enough noise to get the 'royal reserve' through without much notice."

"But...." Mem's thoughts were grinding to a bloody halt.

"But what, Mem?"

"But... but.... We took over by serving Celestia TEA?"

Deep smiled, indulgently, "That, and I may have told her sister about the whole thing and mentioned that Celestia was joking at the local bar while disguised, about her 'ever growing full moon.'" He chuckled, "Never underestimate the power of sibling rivalry."

Afterparty Epilogues

That evening, after the quiet passing of the mantle of "Ruler of Equestria", the pair of royal sisters sat around a richly lacquered table. Celestia had been picking her way through a large slab of sheet cake as she weathered her sister's taunts and jabs.

Luna, for her own part, was sitting just off center, her hooves alternately clasping a bowl of jet-puffed grains or the mug of tar-black sin that the castle cooks had declared a danger to all living things upon her return. For the past half hour, Luna had been quietly prying for information on how their nation had been given away... and why there was an apparent infestation of moth-eaten ponies that no one had done anything about.

"So, dear sister, how were they able to beat you? Was it shear, animal ferocity?"

Celestia sighed as she carefully placed her fork to the side of the mostly eaten cake, resigned to this particular battle even though she wasn't looking forward to the teasing for the next few centuries. "No."

"Strength in numbers? Enough to topple mountains and blot out the sun?" Luna tempted again.

Celestia, lifted a richly decorated cup in her magic and took a tentative sip of the juice the serving pony had brought. "...No."

Luna raised an eyebrow, taking extra care to appear doubtful. "Certainly not by strength and tenacity. Certainly not that."

There was no doubt for Celestia, Luna was having fun with her questioning. The tiny quirk of her lips whenever she mock scowled gave her away... a remnant of the social atrophy sustained by her thousand year time-out on the moon. "No, Luna, not that either."

"... Did they outwit you? Did you gamble away our ponies precious freedoms and fritter away their futures?"

Luna's ~shock~ was almost comical in its blatant sarcasm, even so, Celestia felt a deep seated defensiveness jolt her from her well-deserved ribbing. "Luna! Never. How could you even-"

"But they did beat you, Sister." Luna's grin was almost predatory now, "So... I must wonder, how it was that these 'vile and distasteful monsters' overcame mine own sister. Mine sister, who has reigned for millennia, virtually unopposed and unmatched in power, wisdom, and wit."

Celestia pressed her lips together and averted her gaze.

Luna smiled as she stood from the table, leaning slightly forward, "Nothing? Nothing at all sister?"

Again, Celestia remained silent, her mouth a tightly maintained sliver of impassive silence.

Luna leaned further, her mane darkening as she played up the dramatic nature of her powers. "Not some pithy retort or scathing remark about my 'full moon' or the 'backwards facing of my tongue?' Nothing at all to excuse your loss of Equestria's ruling title?"

Finally, hoping to simply convince Luna to lower her voice a bit, Celestia flinched as the remnants of her migraine reminded her of her recent defeat. "... They.... they spiked my tea," she whispered.... suddenly finding the tablecloth to be very interesting indeed.

Luna blinked before rounding the table and lowering her muzzle to be directly in front of her sister. "... Really Sister? Doth thou trulest believe that I wouldst accept that?"

Celestia swallowed, though she had to hide the tiny smile at her sister's antics. "...Luna, She asked... I... I had a migraine and .... well, one thing led to another and it was just easier to let her take over to shut her up and lower the sun."

And for the first time in almost forty minutes, Luna was speechless, instead relying upon the suddenly very real look of shock and distaste that had replaced her taunting smirk.

"Oh - Don't give me that look, Luna! We still control everything, but now we at least know where they are."

Luna remained silent for all of five seconds as she carefully chose the words to reply to her sister of several thousand years. "Celestia, thou art an idiot."

Celestia snorted at the response, but quickly covered it with a sip of her juice before looking up with a tiny smile. "Aye. An idiot with a pet army of shapechanging actors capable of infiltrating and overcoming goddesses who are willing to oppose any force for the simple 'payment' of a hug."

Celestia sipped her juice again and took another bite of her cake, humming at the almost too-sweet flavor.

Luna blinked slowly... "You... you let them win? Just to conquer them?"

Celestia carefully dabbed her lips with a napkin before turning to face her sister full-on. "Luna... when you've ruled as long as I have, Diplomancy can become an art form."

-~oOo~-

Three guards looked on with curiosity.

A lone changeling was running in circles - chasing a troupe of guard trainees, who were in turn chasing after him - all while trying not to scream in frustration.

"So... ever get the feeling that we're just window dressing when it comes to actual conflicts?" Cedar Bolt asked as he watched a recruit trip as the changeling changed course.

His companion, a lanky earth pony skirmisher named Meat-Shield flinched as two other recruits tripped over the first. "Nah. The Princesses know what's up. We're here to keep ponies safe."

"Sure... but... didn't we just lose to these guys like.... a week after beating them?" Tandem Strike offered up as she tried not to squirm at the unfortunate placement of that stallion's hoof in the pile of fallen ponies.

"Yheah, and?" Meat-Shield looked over.

"And now we're THEIR subjects?" Cedar gestured to the changeling 'officer.'

"Look bud, They're the royals on paper. We're sitting pretty while they do the work." Tandem smirked.

"But they won!" Cedar nearly shouted.

"Oh? Seems like we're still doing the same stuff, but now we've got better numbers, better pay, and fewer hours since all the patrols got thinned out," Tandem smiled.

Meat-Shield and Cedar both paused and looked to the mare before they both asked at the same time, "You got a raise?!?!?"

"E-yup!" she smirked. "Looks like things are looking up for the 'drones' in this hive." Tandem chuckled again before whistling at the recruits, "NOW GET YOUR FLANKS RUNNING THOSE LAPS OR THE QUEEN WILL HAVE YOUR HIDES!"

At which point, every stallion on the parade grounds groaned before starting to trot as the mares watched.

-~oOo~-

Celestia lay sprawled across her bed, smiling as the faint whispers of music drifted up from the gardens below. The scent of night-blooming flowers wafted from tapers of silently burning incense while the trails of smoke traced luminous patterns through the moonlight.

The diarch smiled serenely as she took in another slow breath and turned her gaze to the open window beside her bed frame. Outside, the purple sky was glimmering with the artistry of her sister; thousands upon thousands of stars, shimmering brushstrokes of light that danced through the dreams of their charges... countless suns and moons and planets filled with untouchable wonders and unknowable dreams... and yet, despite everything that Luna had put into her nights, Celestia couldn't find it in her to fall asleep.

Instead, she took another slow breath, stretched her shoulders just a bit more, and curled her wings up around the two small forms nestled up against her sides.

The motion was enough to rouse the female of the pair, who blinked dimly glowing eyes before frowning at Celestia.

"You, peasant, I'm trying to sleep here," Sleep Dep muttered before snuggling in tighter against the larger mare - promptly falling asleep again with her muzzle laying upon Celestia's chest. The other, Deep Thought, if she recalled properly, was curled up almost like a cat, upon her belly and was gently vibrating as he flitted his wings while he slept.

Celestia, for her own part, smiled despite the snark of her new 'Queen,' and softly ran her hoof over the changeling monarch, getting a purr-like hum in response. True, they were an invading force, and yes, they had been terribly rude, but all things considered, they were not bad guests per-se. Clever... devilishly so... but not bad. Certainly not evil.

And disguising herself as Luna that one night she'd gone drinking, had worked out wonderfully in the end.

Silly little changelings, if all they had wanted was a hug, all they ever needed was to ask.

Early Riser

Standing behind the abomination of all things remotely good, Sleep Dep waited for the pegasus in front of her to get her drink and leave the counter.

The mare ahead, perky and light and just a little to cheerful for the Celestia damned predawn hours, seemed blissfully unaware of the growing threat of imminent destruction that the light green unicorn behind her was formulating in her head. And while the pegasus could probably make an argument about the relative benefits of rising early, Sleep Dep really couldn't be bothered with trivial points such as health, happiness, energy, or well-being.

No, Sleep Dep was one of those favored few amongst the ponies of Equestria that simply thrived upon the filtered dredges of a particular type of fermented, roasted, bean... and without it, was absolutely worthless for hours after waking.

So, while the unicorn plotted and schemed, her spell of masterfully-executed-ultimate-destruction-upon-the-unwashed-and-completely-too-happy-for-the-plot-crack-of-dawn couldn't even be focused on enough to cause a flicker from her aching, caffeine deprived, horn.

And thus, when the 'master brew guru' popped back to the counter and started chatting the nag up, it was a marvelous feeling to notice every other customer in the shop suddenly turn and, in a single warbling voice, snarl out "MOVE IT LUMPY!"

At which, the pegasus leapt away from the counter with the shock of panic that only a mob of ponies can generate, and fled the coffee shop with only the tinkling sound of her bits to mourn her passage.

Sleep Dep staggered up to the counter, placed her forelegs upon the polished surface, and flopped her head down as the cashier looked between her and the swinging door for a few seconds.

"Um, welcome to Jitter's... can I take your order miss?"

With the glacial determination of the Nightmare itself, Sleep Dep lifted her head and drug her body halfway up the counter before glaring the promises of a poorly thought out threat into the eyes of the cashier.

"I will have nine cups of grounds, pressed into one cup of coffee," she paused to blink slowly while she waited for a response.

"Uh... nine cups of-"

"Do not fail me."

At which point, the stallion nodded slowly, stepped away from the counter, and proceeded to simply fill a cup with grounds before adding a few tablespoons of boiling water and setting it upon the counter.

Not waiting for a bill, Sleep Dep simply poured the mud-thick bean paste into her muzzle, swallowed, and looked back towards the stallion with a neutral expression. "I will enslave you last. Unless you need a job, of course."

Then, before anything else could be said, the unicorn turned with a newly chipper bounce in her step, and left the coffee shop, followed by every other customer that had been present.

The cashier watched the shop empty, stunned and not a little bit confused at the now empty room. "That will be...  please come aga-... what just happened?"

And with a jingle, a single gray stallion stepped back through the door, rolled his eyes, glanced at the prices on the wall, and left the bits (plus tip) for the cup of mud the unicorn had consumed, before stepping back out.

Trotting to catch up with the markedly quicker unicorn, Deep Thought tried to keep from being frustrated with his 'friend' and her morning 'routine.' While he knew the unicorn was doing what she could, especially in the morning, he also knew she was more than capable of a few seconds of forethought. Stealing a cup of coffee, no matter how undrinkable the stuff was, seemed like an awfully silly reason to be detained by the Guard.

Finally catching up, the gray stallion kept pace as he glanced around, noting the citizens and even waving to a few he recognized from around town. The two continued on for a few moments before he turned his head and opened his mouth to speak, only to be cut off as Sleep Dep glanced in his direction and nodded.

"Right," he thought, "she already knows but is being quiet to save face."

Quickly rethinking his original comment, Deep Thought screwed up his mouth before gesturing towards a bagel shop. "Join me for a moment Milady?"

If she had any reservations, she didn't show it as the two simply adjusted their course and entered the shop.

The walls were, appropriately, stained a light earth tone and decorated with rich reds and browns. Paintings of various bread stuffs littered the shop, complete with carefully preserved samples of various exotic grains. A small field of tables occupied the open room, punctuated with small unlit lanterns hanging at regular intervals. Along the back wall, a counter played host to a breadsmith who watched the pair enter with a carefully crafted disinterest.

But to Deep Thought's well trained eye, the proprietor watched them with the predatory gaze of a business owner, nearly salivating at the prospect of a bit.

"Let's make a quick order and take a seat, shall we? The sunrise always does make me a bit peckish," Deep Thought mentioned as they approached.

A few quick questions and a pair of blisteringly fresh bagels were slathered with spiced cream cheese, bits were exchanged, and the pair retired to a table close to the front of the shop.

Just as they were sitting down, the door jingled as another three ponies entered, glanced around, and went to place their own orders. Deep Thought watched them for but a moment before returning his gaze to Sleep Dep.

"You know what you did was a pretty dangerous thing, right?"

Sleep Dep raised an eyebrow as she floated half her bagel before herself and studied it, pointedly not looking at her tablemate. "You know I get a bit crabby without my coffee."

The stallion exhaled softly before placing his forehead to his left hoof and sighing. Without looking up, he gestured with his own bagel, "Yes yes... I know, but this close to events, little slips like that could be the thing to give it all away." He paused to look up, light gray eyes searching the unicorn's face for a moment before he took a bite of his bagel. "And you know..." he paused to swallow, "...what's at stake if you get found out."

Finally, Sleep Dep took a bite of her bagel, a tiny bit of cream cheese decorating her upper lip, as she turned her gaze to the stallion. She chewed for a few moments before swallowing and tilting her head, "You shouldn't talk with your mouth full."

Deep Thought, looked up, inhaling sharply, before blinking and looking back to the unicorn across from him as the door chimed the arrival of another five customers. "Look, all I'm saying is that we're all this close. THIS close to having this all work out wonderfully, and if something that silly got us caught, do you have any idea what that would do to us? To you?"

The pair sat in silence for a few moments before the first trio of customers took seats only a few yards away. Deep Thought pointed to his bagel before gesturing lightly to Sleep Dep, the silent offer quietly dismissed with a flick of her eyes. "If you're that frustrated, just let one of us know next time, alright? We're happy to do whatever, but you're just no good to anyone before your coffee." He left unsaid that, when speaking, she tended to be rather little use either, but one simply did not say such things to a lady, let alone Sleep Dep.

She sat for a few more moments, quietly chewing through the first half of her bagel, before glancing over as the front door jingled again, admitting four more ponies. At this rate, the shop would be filling up pretty quickly, but despite the thought, she remained passive.

"Deep, while I appreciate your concerns, I highly doubt things are as problematic as you seem to think they are." She levitated the other half of her bagel into the air, using it to gesture towards the front window at the pre-dawn street outside. "Even if, by some means, that little windhorse-"

"Pegasus" Deep Thought corrected.

"-pegasus actually managed to raise an alarm, what exactly would that alarm be? 'Oh! A room full of ponies yelled at me for keeping them from their coffee in the morning because I was waving my heat-stained plothole all over the place trying to rut the bucking bean-jockey.'"

Deep Thought groaned as her gesturing ended up flicking a blob of cream cheese onto the muzzle of an entering stallion, planting a great splattering of the white smear across his startled muzzle. Thankfully, the mare with him simply stifled a giggle and leaned up to lick it off with a dirty look and strolled up to the counter.

"Sleep, all I'm saying is that when we're this close- when you're this close, we don't need to risk it all on some stupid little tantrum. And besides, I'm pretty sure she wasn't being all those things... I'm pretty darn sure she was just flirting."

Sleep Dep's eyebrow rose again as she took a bite of her bagel and chewed. "So, you were studying her flank long enough to know she wasn't in heat?"

The stallion groaned again, this time in frustration. "No! It's just... she wasn't.... you just... GAH." He frowned as he stuffed the entire second half of his bagel into his mouth and chewed furiously.

The door jingled again as a group of ponies came in, each wandering up to the counter to place orders as the shop filled up. A pegassi couple sat down next to them, each toting a bagel smeared with cream cheese upon their wings.

Sleep Dep smiled before switching her bagel half for one of the ones on the mare's wing as the pair sat down, none the wiser.

Deep Thought's eyes nearly bugged out of his head. "You can't keep doing stuff like that!" he hissed, lowering his head in an instinctual attempt at stealth. "Stuff like that will get you in trouble if someone sees it."

Sleep Dep smiled as she bit into her newly acquired warm bagel. "And why would they care?" she asked.

"Because you're stealing their food."

"No, no I'm not. This is my food that I paid for with my money and they're just bringing me a fresh one for my convenience."

Deep Thought frowned before flicking a hoof out and grabbing the startled Sleep Dep's chin. He leaned across the table and whispered "No they didn't. Ponies don't work that way." He then licked the bit of cream cheese that had been riding her lip for the past few minutes and flopped back to his seat, leaving a shocked unicorn before him.

"Wait... what do you mean they don't..." she stammered.

"Ponies don't just bring you things because you want them," he stated.

"Bu-but why not?"

"Because, Sleep, they're not part of your hive."

"And," thought Deep Thought, "if confusion were something I could eat, I'd be stuffed right now."

Dark Machin-i-canananations-es

Early Warning was a simple stallion, in the same way that the Royal Treasurer was only responsible for playing with numbers. He was a stallion of simple means, simple joys, and simple duties. All of his varied skills, ultimately, boiled down to two ideas: protect the royalty and keep the peace.

Life was predictable, for the most part. He got up in the morning. He stretched. He took a quick shower in the barracks and brushed himself into a presentable mess before hitting the barracks sauna to finish drying. He'd check his gear, get dressed, and hit the armory for anything that wasn't up to snuff. Eventually, he'd report for duty a full half hour before sunrise.

Yep, Early Warning's life was just about perfect, which was why he'd never seen the hit that little colt had given him coming. Nope. One second there was a little colt leading a hoof full of civilians (and two guards) through the city, shimmying along with a quirky little song, and the next, he's being laid out by a full grown stallion.

And now... now he was hanging, upside down, in somepony's basement, covered in some kind of tough green stuff.

He sighed.

At least whoever it was didn't seem to have thought to strip him of his armor.

So, with a second frustrated sigh, Early Warning fiddled with his hooves until the Canterlot Issued Guard Blade (patent pending!) flicked out from his tramplers... and began the slow process of cutting himself free.

...

To return to the barracks and report he had been blindsided, and taken out, by a colt no taller than his knee.

This was gunna be a simply ~wonderful~ day, he just knew it.

-~oOo~-

Recon fidgeted. She was sitting, well more properly, she was laying on a rather plush velvet pillow with spun gold trim... at a shimmering marble end table... with a teacup which likely cost more bits than the hive had ever managed to con, steal, 'borrow', or earn over the course of several centuries... while debating the safety of trying the little almond cookies that were floating before her.

"Oh do go on, they're quite lovely, really." Celestia smiled, her mane drifting in the afternoon sun.

And, then there was a small stack of almond cookies delicately placed upon her tea saucer.

Which left Recon with a new problem.

If the saucer was full of cookies, where could she place her teacup-of-ultimate-financial-ruin?

Panicking inside, Recon swallowed another sip of tea before she looked up again at her 'host.'

"Um... may I be exceptionally honest, and in no possible, conceivable, or imagined way hostile in the least?"

Celestia, for her own part, never stopped smiling - though, one of her perfectly shaped eyebrows did rise the slightest bit as she turned her head to sip from her own teacup. "Oh yes, please do be utterly non-confrontational and peaceful. I would hate to think that you felt the need to be combative." She turned to look once more at the changeling across the table before her, a dainty forkful of strawberry cake hovering a foot from her lips. "By all means, don't stand on ceremony with me."

Recon blinked again, the sun on her back felt awfully warm today. She wouldn't be doing that on purpose would she? No... Celestia would never intentionally move the sun closer just to intimidate a 'guest' as she kept calling her. Celestia would never put all her little ponies under so much stress just to slowly wear down the defenses of a captured enemy of her people's species. She'd never do something so utterly terrifying as risk all life on the planet simply to make someone squirm.

She had banished her sister to the moon for a millenia.

Recon swallowed.

And she had 'lost' the Elements of harmony.

... more than once.

And she had trusted a librarian, a farmer, a dressmaker, a veterinarian, a public servant, and an apprentice baker with stopping an elder god with nothing at all as an edge.

Oh Hives... she would move the sun closer just to make her sweat.

"Um.... was there.... that is to say, did you.... um.... I'm feeling a bit uncomfor.... NotThatI'mNotPleasedWithTheTeaOrAnything!" Recon blinked a few times as she struggled to stop panting.

The sun was definately too hot.

And, yet, Celestia simply watched her for a moment longer before looking down at her teacup.

"Oh, Kibitz," the goddess said as she looked over towards the three story tall door behind her. "Could you get me another pot of tea please? This one seems to be a different blend than my usual afternoon tea."

The aging stallion, waiting silently by the door, bowed curtly before trotting out and leaving the two alone.

Celestia watched the door close before turning back to her guest. "I'm terribly sorry about that, miss. You were saying?"

Recon felt her heart hammering in her chest again.

Psychological warfare? Celestia was clearing the room of witnesses now?!?!?

There were no doors on the balconies! There were no more Guards! The only pony who she would have had even the slightest hesitation of frightening off with a horrifying dismemberment she had simply sent to look for more TEA?!?!?

Recon's brain simply shorted out. "I'll tell you everything! Just please stop moving the sun closer!"

To which Celestia simply tilted her head, in that way that silently screamed a battlecry that could end the existence of all life. "Oh? I wasn't aware I had asked a question, but please..." she gestured with her empty teacup, "do continue."

-

-~oOo~-

Sleep Dep strolled through Canterlot, listening in as the guards raced by every few minutes. She frowned every once in a while, carefully counting her steps along the path and stepping to the right just as a brigade of the heavily armored Guard whipped around a corner only to stream past her without a second glance. She sighed as a unicorn mare screamed out her horror at the 'absolute monstrosity' that was her bowl of imported Saddle Arabian soup.... which Sleep, patently, did not believe a word of.

Who imports soup?

Greedy, pompous, brain-cell-deficient nincompoops without the intellectual acumen of a frostbitten turnip.... that's who.

With a snort, she flicked her tail just enough to send a small pebble arcing through the air to land, precisely, in the mare's soup... resulting in a few bright droplets spattering her, no doubt, 'priceless' imported something-or-other dress.

The sight of the mare fainting dead away brought a smile to Sleep's lips that lasted until she was finally within the castle proper. Apparently these ponies were suspicious of everyone and everything unless it looked like a cheerful, satisfied, and happy little pony with reason to be there. Sleep rolled her eyes as she walked purposefully past, yet another, checkpoint and spared only a moment to ask the guard, who wasn't grilling the young pegasus beside her, where she could go to petition the crown.

Which, was remarkably easy, given the pegasus' rising discomfort only a few paces away. Apparently, one only needed to speak with the Royal Scheduler, Herald, or Crier.... who all happened to be the same stallion.

Sleep chuckled once she was out of earshot.

It had only taken a tiny bit of magic to have the 'changeling' 'accidentally' reveal herself by changing her mane color. Silly Guards... decoys came in all kinds of flavors... even the kind that didn't know they were helping. And better yet, as she passed through another set of grande doors, the tired face of a elderly unicorn looked up from a podium to the side of the throne room antechamber, a weary, though ever present, smile gracing his lips.

A smile that Sleep was absolutely familiar with.

-~oOo~-

Mine smiled patiently as another noble regaled him with tales of the most abominable of travesties. The utter madness of flower petals landing in their fountains! The senseless chaos of clouds shadowing their atriums at 3:14 pm ... during prime napping time! The wanton disregard for their hydrangeas when the neighbor's cat ~maliciously~ plotted to shed upon their floral blooms!

And through it all, he smiled patiently, only to add another name to the list of those who would be turned away today due to royal order.

All was as it should be. All was as it must be. After all, royal orders were royal orders, and at the end of the day, his pockets were still being lined with a little bit more gold and not a few more gems of various, though questionable, origin.

Mine smiled, patiently, because he was supposed to smile patiently. He was supposed to stand still, listen to the nobles complain and whine and moan and beg for an audience with her 'most high and respectable, crepuscular, highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria.' He was supposed to take down their names, nod his head politely, give lip service to the loudest ones and give polite dismissals to the important ones. He was supposed to keep the rabble out and only let the most worthy... or the ones with the most realistically important... through to an actual audience with Celestia today.

Something, he smiled at the thought, that he was uniquely qualified to do... seeing as how not a single mare or stallion had visited upon him a legitimate reason to petition the crown yet this afternoon.

And so, another fancy, self-important stallion, was turned away to join the milling throng in the Grande Hall before the Throne Room antechamber.

Mine smiled, because he was doing such a fine job.

And then ~She~ turned the corner and strolled up, requesting an audience with the Princess. Mine smiled patiently and listened to the tale of woe about how a cup of coffee had been delivered upon this mare at precisely two degrees too warm. The tale... it was told with such agonizing pain and heart that Mine felt himself moved.

The mare was directed to the Throne Room antechamber to await being announced, the offending cup of coffee floating along beside her in a silvery glow of magic.

And the mob of nobles surged with cries of fury and threats of horrible horrible things being placed in gardens and terrible harm inflicted upon his salads... until the Guard moved to hold them back.

No, the nobles were not without creative measure or mind... but they did tend to lack the ability to follow through with anything short of disdain.

Which was perfectly fine for Mine... as he politely smiled and refused the next supplicant after having waved Sleep Dep through to visit the Princess.

Ah yes... the joyful fulfillment of a job well done.

-~oOo~-

WC was having a wonderful time.

Really! What could be more fun than playing with all his new friends?

He had shown up, just as his queen had instructed, at just the time when his queen has requested, and had been playing tag, just as she had told him to do.

And, just as she had said they would, the ponies had all come out to play with him!

It was wonderful fun!

Some of them were cooks, like before. And some of them were sporty ponies with their weights and jump ropes. And SOME of them were just stunt ponies... probably there to play because they had seen other ponies playing... but that was alright for WC.

Ponies were so much fun!

And WC LOVED playing with ponies!

They were playing freeze tag now. WC had known when one of the cooks had yelled "FREEZE!"

Well, if he had yelled freeze, he was probably it, and WC knew the rules for freeze tag: Don't get tagged or you have to stay still.

So, he had dodged, and ducked, and jumped, and flew, and bounced off of buildings, and rebounded off of ponies, and leapt through windows, and broken a few doors, and smashed a few walls, and even gone the wrong way down a one way street (but he wouldn't tell the ponies because they might think he wasn't playing fair).

You know... things like that!

Freeze tag!

And then... one of them got him!

And he froze... and the game was over.

But, he knew the rules of freeze tag, even if the ponies all seemed to have forgotten them. They never tagged each other.

WC would have shrugged, but... well... freeze tag.

And so, WC stayed 'frozen' as they chained him up and started to drag him away.

Ah well... ponies were still fun!