Chapters I lightly twirled my staff around as I walked around the Halloween party my neighborhood was throwing. Most of it was settled in the parking lot in front of the neighborhood meeting house. Various tents were giving out one kind of confectionary or another, a few were even having some sort of interesting activity to do. Like the haunted house.
However, the biggest event and activity tonight was the costume contest that started around nine-thirty where the neighborhood residents show off their costumes, it starts about an hour from now and I can't wait. I looked around the festivities from my spot on a bench and noted the people that had really good costumes, the potential contest rivals, and all. I personally was rather proud of mine, I was dressed as Sheogorath, the Skyrim version. I had all the clothes just right, but, unfortunately, my staff… was not the best of quality.
Yeah, for some inexplicable reason every time I managed to find some way of procuring a good quality staff it was just... suddenly out of stock. Every. Single. Time . After countless wasted hours of crawling through the internet just trying to find one place that sold the staff, I finally decided to just give up the search. Instead, I found myself a good stick to work with, bought several other things from nearby craft stores and ordered online, and went to town on the stick to make the best damn staff I could manage with my own meager arts and crafts skills.
The finished product of my labors wasn’t all that bad to be perfectly honest. Sure it was bent a little here, a bit twisted there, there were some blood-soaked areas from a cut on my hand when I fumbled with the knife in other places. But! It was good enough in the end, it was not going to win any Miss Universe contests and I had to use a lot of extra super glue for the eye part, but good enough all the same.
After a while of people watching I grew bored of simply waiting around the small festival and started to think of what I should do next before the night was over. I do enjoy watching the people meander about the place, eating junk food, and simply having a grand old time don't get me wrong. Halloween was one of my favorite times of the year and I need to do something to make the most out of this day, I was just sad I was a tad too old for any trick or treating.
“Well now, you gotta love these kinds of festivities am I right?” came a voice from my right. "Pretending to be what ya aren't, throwing on a new face just for a single night of the year only to throw it away and pretend to be someone or something else next year. Quite silly is it not? I love it!"
I looked to where the voice came from and saw a man with the exact same costume as me. Like, down to the exact small details, and I certainly made sure to make this costume look as close to what it was in the game as possible. The only real difference between us was his incredible vocal mimicry and the fact the staff in his hand was obviously superior to my own, which kinda annoyed me. I didn’t say anything about that though, that would’ve been rude and not sporting.
“Yeah, Halloween is great,” I said to him, smiling. I have to give him credit for everything about him, his costume was a good as mine and if I were a judge and had to pick between us I'd give it to him for the voice alone. “So... are you gonna enter the contest?”
He laughed, “Worried I might be the only real competition you’d have against your costume?” I scowled at his rather blunt comment but he continued as if not noticing, “No worries then my friend. Sadly, I actually have to leave this party, got something that I need to do back home. It's a shame really, I wouldn't mind spendin' some time here.”
He seemed to pause as he rubbed his chin and considered something.
He then grinned and boy did it look sinister, ten out of ten I love this guy. The man looked at me, clearly having some sort of idea going through his noggin', “Hey, I have a grand idea! How about you take this here staff of mine and go win that contest for both of us? Wouldn’t be such a waste of time making this thing if something useful came from it.”
He handed the staff over to me, it looked so real… I quietly reached a hand out and took hold of it, bringing it in front of my body to closely look at it. The workmanship on this staff was simply incredible, everything on it looked so natural, even the eye. I ran a finger down the shaft, noting the even texture of the wood and the sheer detail that went into making this staff.
“Wow, thanks man-” I cut myself off when I didn’t see the guy next to me. Confused, I looked around, trying to spot him through the crowd of people. I couldn’t find him and quietly said aloud, “Weird... Well, maybe he doesn’t like a thank you when he does something nice?”
That was my last sentence uttered on Earth before I was whisked away in a large swirl of purple and black energy, never to be the same again.
“Rope? Nonono, he hates rope. Yarn then? No, that won’t work… How about string? Yes! String! He loves string!” Said the cloaked earth pony rather loudly, he continued to mumble random things. He was wearing a very frilly, purple hat as he paced in front of a large shrine depicting a very dashingly handsome man, with a dashing beard, posing with a cane. The pony was looking down, not paying any attention at all to his surroundings.
“This has to be the place,” whispered a pegasus royal guard private to his older earth pony sergeant, the two were hiding behind some dense bushes a little bit off to the side from the mad pony in the clearing. “Nopony would blabber such inane things without being a worshipper of that evil god.”
“Quiet private. He does not need to know we are here,” The sergeant harshly whispered back. “Besides, a pony doesn’t have to be a worshipper to be mad. Sometimes it’s simply natural or bad luck and those ponies just happen to be naturally attracted to these places if they aren’t captured first.”
The private quieted himself. The two continued to watch the clearly mad pony talk to himself, mentioning lettuce for some reason. While the worship of the mad god was not technically illegal… it was severely frowned upon. If somepony was even accused of being a potential worshipper their reputation would be nearly irreversibly destroyed.
The only reason the two guards were there in the first place was that they had a tip regarding something that actually was illegal. The ownership and usage of a soul gem, typically punishable by life in prison if the gem was empty. The simple act of owning one has been looked down on for nearly two millennia when their function was first discovered, many ponies believing their use was for purely dark reasons. It was not until the two sisters came into power that the gems themselves were permanently made into illegal goods and banned through most international trade.
It didn’t help that one of the more famous users of the gems was a dark and sadistic madpony by the name of Sombra who had made a recent return. He was powerful enough to actually have the ability to create a spell that made black soul gems out of the natural soul gems that formed in the Crystal Empire, a feat entirely unheard in Equestrian history and his trademark spell during his reign in the Crystal Empire. That spell, the fear it brought when the threat of having one's soul imprisoned inside of a soul gem, and his own power were what gave him such a terrible reputation, black soul gems were able to contain the souls of sapient creatures after all.
The two guards pulled their entire focus on the pony when he stopped pacing in front of the shrine. The madpony reached into a saddlebag placed in front of the shrine and pulled out… string. He placed it on the shrine’s pedestal and reached down into the bag again. This time he pulled out a head of lettuce and placed it next to the string.
He reached into the bag for the third time and the two guards tensed. They knew that summoning the mad god at his shrine required three items, a well-known fact nowadays. That made ponies wary of others buying such items at the same time. This had to be the soul gem. They prepared to gallop out of the bushes but stopped when they saw the third item. A simple wedge of cheese.
The sergeant sighed, “I guess the tip was incorrect. Thank Celestia…” He turned around and prepared to leave but the private stopped him with a hoof.
“Wait, sir! Look!” The private quietly shouted, pointing a hoof at the madpony.
The older guard turned around and saw what the private was pointing at. The mad god worshipper put the cheese back into the saddlebag, mumbling something about lunch. His hoof came back out with a glowing gem, a soul gem. A soul gem that was full if the glowing light from its center is to be believed.
“Well, I’ll be a hydra’s uncle,” the sergeant whispered, shaking his head at whatever poor creature had their soul stolen from them in cold blood.
This was very bad news for the mad pony, simply owning an empty soul gem was life in prison. Actually filling it up with a soul, from anything, could mean a sentence much worse, since a full soul gem meant something was killed and had its poor soul trapped into the gem by black magic after all. And if one is sadistic enough to trap the soul of a beast or any non-sapient at all, then who's to say they would stop at just that and not go after a sapient creature with more powerful souls? The older guard simply shook his head in sadness, he knew what fate this mad pony could have.
The two guards tensed and burst out of the bushes.
“Stop right there criminal scum!” the sergeant shouted, purposely ignoring the odd look the private sent him.
The mad pony whirled around in fright, the soul gem flying up into the air, his back against the shrine and forelegs spread out to his sides, “Oh no! Oh, dear! They found me! They found me! Oh, I can’t go back, the whizmats will tear me apart! Tear me apart I say!” The mad pony was now breathing rapidly in fright, his eyes darting around erratically.
“Look, just calm down…” The private didn’t get to finish what he was about to say, he was interrupted by a new voice that resonated in his head.
“Well looky here! A couple of tiny, shiny, mortals!” The two guards immediately began looking around, trying to find the source that was projecting the voice in their heads.
“Oh, you aren’t looking in the right places. Lookup! Ya can’t miss me! Hah!” The new voice cackled.
“What? But the only thing up is…” The private’s ears fell flat against his head when he looked up, the sergeant’s ears followed when he looked at where the private was staring. The soul gem was now resting on the mad god’s shrine pedestal, just in front of his feet.
“Oh, Celestia… the mad god. This isn't good,” the sergeant whispered hoarsely.
“Bah! Celestia! A fine looking mare no doubt, too bad she’s all about the good, and the niceness, and the refusal to eat cheese for every meal! She substitutes with cake! Cake! Like cake could replace a good… eh, nevermind that. Now, where were we?” The voice ranted in the ponies heads.
“It’s him! It’s him!” drawled out the mad pony. He danced an odd jig while clopping his front hooves together in front of the statue.
“I can’t believe it…” muttered the sergeant softly. He shook himself to try and rid himself of the shock before straightening up. “Lord Sheogorath, sir…” He started.
“Pah! What do you want mortal? And be snappy about it, or I'll be having a date with your spleen! And you don't want that date, humph, I tend to get a bit over-excited and just... tear things apart!”
Ignoring the odd threat the sergeant continued, “We don’t want any trouble, sir. We just want to arrest this pony, he’s broken a few laws.”
The pony in question gasped and dropped into a bow in front of the shrine that was so deep he was basically laying down, and groveled, “Oh! My Lord Sheogorath! I am your humble servant, I simply wish to revel in your eternal madness! Let me do as you bid master!”
“Hah! Well, you heard him! He’s my humble servant! But what indeed should I do with him… such a conundrum we face here. Two guards, a few insignificant broken mortal laws, a delightfully insanely sane individual, and me! Sheogorath! Daedric Prrrrince of Madness!”
The sergeant gulped and shakily asked, “So… d-do I take it you won’t let us capture him?”
“Take it however you want! I’ve already given our dear friend here the way to get to my Realm! You better catch him before he leaves~! Oh! And a word of advice… don’t fail to tell your Princess about what’s what once you catch your prize! Or I’ll gut you like a pig, and use your entrails as decorations for my next evening tea time but not before I skip rope with them! Ta taaa~!” With one last mad cackle the voice faded from their minds and the two guards realized the mad pony was already making a break for it.
“After him!” the Sergeant ordered.
The two guards quickly galloped after the escaping pony. The forest surrounding them was dense so they had to move slower than usual, thankfully for them, this hindered the mad pony as well. They also had the advantage of guard training, they had significantly better endurance on their side, though the mad pony had complete fanaticism and madness that gave little self-preservation on his.
“Private! Take to the air! Cut him off at the edge of the forest where the nearest lake to Ponyville is!” The private nodded and took off carefully to make sure he got out of the treetops safely, going full speed once he was above them and making a beeline for the lake.
The sergeant grunted and dutifully charged on, never letting the mad pony leave his sight. The younger earth pony ahead of him was surprisingly good at running from a guard, even with the sergeant's more advanced training and well-built body. After jumping over a rather large root the sergeant saw a light coming from the edge of the forest, the mad pony quickly charging out through the edge.
“Come on, I hope you’re already there private,” thought the sergeant as he too passed the forest’s edge not too long after the mad pony.
The sudden light nearly blinded the old guard, he skidded to a halt on his hooves to keep himself from falling over from the disorientation. He blinked a few times and quickly scanned the surroundings once his sight returned. He breathed a sigh of relief when he saw the pegasus private pinning the mad pony to the ground.
He quietly walked over to the pair and looked down at the law breaker, “Sorry son, you might be a bit touched in the head but laws are laws. The sergeant shrugged off a small bag on his side and withdrew a bottle and some rope.
“No! The mad master hates rope! Hates it I tell you!” The mad pony tried to resist harder but it was futile. The sergeant uncorked the bottle with his teeth and quickly kept the fumes away from his nose, putting it under the mad pony’s snout, letting the pony breath it in.
The pony was knocked out seconds later and the contents of the bottle were soon expended. The two guards tied him up and had a pleased smile on their faces. The pleased look dropped from the sergeant's face when he looked out at the lake’s surface.
“What the?” He silently walked closer to the water’s edge, looking at the odd phenomenon.
“Something wrong-” The private began before he saw what the sergeant was looking at. His jaw dropped and he exclaimed, “Wha- How in Celestia’s name did a whole island suddenly appear in the middle of the lake?! There isn’t supposed to be an island there!”
The sergeant was silent before replying, “I don’t know. But I don’t like the look of that glowing gate. It’s creepy and I bet you a hundred bits that is where our prisoner was heading towards.”
“That’s not a bet I’m willing to go against…” muttered the private.
The two guards stared at the creepy three-faced gateway before the sergeant turned around and looked at the private, “Go back to the shrine and grab that soul gem, we need it for evidence. We can take turns carrying this sack of potatoes on the way to Canterlot.” He motioned to the unconscious pony with a dismissive hoof, the private saluted and flew off back towards the shrine.
The guard spat to the side and kept a watchful eye on both the prisoner and the strange tiny island, and muttered, “Ugh, this has been quite a day, quite a day indeed...”
Author's Note
*Chapter retouched 6/10/2020
What a maddening (Hah!) situation!
Anyway, it was fun to write and, hell, I'm even thinking of different ways to have fun with crossovers. Custom quests perhaps?
Oh, and Sheogorath's lines are best read with his voice. Remember that, it's very important.
Princess Celestia was having a quiet day as few ponies decided to come to court with any sort of problem for her to take care of. That was something she could not complain about, and while she loved her little ponies dearly… Sometimes they really did come to her with some of the more strange or inane requests and problems.
So when a chance for a relaxing afternoon and some tea cane up it always sounded delightful to her. As Princess Celestia was about to get up she was stopped from her ascent off her throne when the doors to her courtroom were opened in a much more hurried manner than usual. Two guards were bringing in a prisoner, the pegasus private carried the unconscious pony and the sergeant looked grim as he walked alongside his partner.
The private gently set the prisoner on the ground before her throne. The two guards saluted her and Celestia spoke, “I see you brought in the pony as a prisoner. I take it that means the tip we received was correct?” Celestia looked saddened at the thought of one of her subjects breaking such a huge law.
“Yes, your Majesty. But… the soul gem was full.” Celestia’s eyes widened, even more so when the sergeant pulled out the full soul gem from his bag and her face fell when she realized what she is now required to do to the poor stallion. “And that’s not all… This pony here summoned the mad god at one of his shrines with this gem. Also, a strange island appeared in Ponyville Lake, on it was a three faced magical gate of some sort.”
“Are you sure? You are not mistaken in any way?” Pressed Celestia, her previous sorrow forgotten and her face taking a stony quality. This new information given to her does not bode well.
The sergeant shook his head, “No ma’am, I’m not mistaken. The private here and I heard the mad god speak to us, he even directed the prisoner to the lake itself. It seems he wanted all of Equestria to know about the gate and you specifically as well.”
“I see... “ Celestia was silent for a moment before replying, “Thank you, you two. You may place the prisoner in a holding cell, I’ll deal with his... sentence later. Afterwards take the next three days off, with pay. I’d think even hearing the mad god speak was taxing on your minds, no matter how well you think you may feel now.”
The two guards bowed, the private picking the prisoner back up and leaving with his superior by his side. Celestia leaned back in her throne, thinking about what Sheogorath could possibly be plotting. If he is even plotting something, for all she knew he was doing all this because he suddenly felt inconceivably bored.
Celestia rubbed a hoof to her head, the mad god was not something she wanted to deal with right now. Not when the Crystal Empire just got out of King Sombra’s dark clutches. After a few minutes of contemplating the situation she got up from her throne and started walking down the stairs leading up it.
“Fancy Script, please cancel all plans for today and reschedule them for a later date, I have urgent business to attend to. Please send my deepest apologies to the ponies that have had their appointments rescheduled.” The pony she spoke to quietly nodded her head and scribbled something on the scroll in front of her in her magic grasp.
Celestia quickly trotted to her sister’s quarters. The involvement of Sheogorath in any kind of affair wouldn’t be fair to have her kept in the dark about it. The only thing Celestia needed to do was try and find a way to placate her enough to listen to reason. The mad god and her sister had a history, a not so pleasant one when you realize that he was the one to trick her into giving into the Nightmare that was corrupting her.
She weaved through the halls of her castle with a practiced ease. Celestia didn’t even need to keep her eyes open when she walked through her castle. Thanks to that experience Celestia arrived at the doorway to her sister’s room posthaste and she silently debated how to break the news to Luna.
Sighing, she decided to go with the bandage approach. She rose a hoof and knocked on the dark wood.
“Luna! It’s me, we need to talk.”
There was a short silence until the dark wood doors opened, a dark blue magical aura over the door handle. Celestia stepped through the open doorway and took a look around the room. A large decorated bed with several crescent moons carved into the wooden frame was in the middle of the room with several night themed pieces of fancy royal furniture decorating the empty spaces around the bed.
“Dearest sister. What brings you here?” Luna asked, looking up from a book she was reading on her bed.
Celestia closed the door to the room with her magic and sighed once more. She looked at her younger sibling forlornly and said, “There has been some troubling news. News that you would find… unpleasant.”
Curiosity piqued, Luna closed the book and gave her sister a critical once over, “What kind of news could possibly be so bad that you would give me such a look?”
Celestia licked her lips, after a moment she said, “There has been an arrest today. A mad pony obtained a soul gem and it was filled with a soul.”
Luna rose an eyebrow, “Surely sister, while certainly unpleasant, that should not be the real reason you seem so unsure of being here. Tell me what is going on, please.” Luna got up from her bed during her speech, giving her sister a small smile.
Celestia nodded, “It seems that Sheogorath had a part in all of this.” Celestia watched her sister’s face slowly morph from surprise at the mention of the mad god’s name into rage. “And, he has a portal to his realm open in the middle of Ponyville Lake.”
“What?! That tartarus damned demon dare try and enter our realm once more?!” Luna snorted in her rage, steam billowing out of her nostrils. “I’ll lead a force against him now! I have much to speak with him about!”
Luna was about to teleport away but Celestia stopped her in the nick of time by grabbing her with a hoof. “Wait! You and I both know neither of us are a match for him! Not even the Elements could truly beat him, just banish him back to his realm!”
Luna looked at her sister, “But sister! Who knows what madness he will try and spread?! We need to keep whatever he will try and do contained there before it’s too late!” Luna was calmed down enough to not fly off the handle but she still felt the need for prompt action. Sheogorath was doing something and they needed to move now before whatever it is that he was doing caused untold suffering to those caught in his eyes.
“I know sister. I do have a plan that can help us keep a proper eye on things,” Luna looked at her, curious. “You will still lead an expedition, but not into his realm. That would be foolish, he’d play with you like a foal would a toy. No, you are right though, we do need to keep the area contained.” Celestia took a breath and released, “I suggest you set up a makeshift base near the lake’s edge. Take as many guards as you need, but we need to keep the public calm about all of this.”
“There would be a possibility of complete chaos in Equestria or the world if things aren’t handled properly. The mad god is very well known across the nations, the possibility of him being able to connect his realm to ours at will suggests that either the spell keeping him at bay is weakening even further than it already has or he could have done this at any time regardless of the spell,” Luna said, biting her lip.
“Exactly. At the same time we can not barr anypony from attempting to enter his realm.”
Luna looked at her sister, aghast, “But sister! Anypony that enters that accursed realm will certainly suffer untold horrors! Have you ever known a pony to survive with their sanity intact?!”
Celestia looked away, “I know it sounds bad. But ponies will be curious about the base and the gateway portal. Eventually we will have to come out and say the truth if we continue to push them away from their natural curiosity.” She sighed, “We need to keep them very well informed of the dangers of where the gateway leads. If we do that then there will likely be very few ponies being afflicted with his madness. Lying and covering up will get us nowhere here, and we can’t take away the rights of our citizens. If they wish to risk their life or their sanity in that realm... then we must at the very least prepare them as much as possible.”
Luna still looked unsure but hesitantly nodded, “If you are sure this is the correct course of action…”
Celestia nodded, “I’m positive.”
Luna sighed, “Then I shall reluctantly accept your position, sister. I’ll gather a force immediately and set off for the lake. I’ll leave handling the letter to Ponyville’s mayor to you.” Luna turned and quickly trotted out through the door of her room.
“Right,” said Celestia as she followed close behind her sister, already thinking about what to say in her letter.
The sound of an aluminum can of soda being opened filled the relatively silent throne room. A long, two colored, rug stretched across the floor to a throne that sat in front of a large tree. If one were to walk down the aisle to the throne there would be three braziers in a row to their right and left. The right having bluish flames, the left having red flames.
Sitting on the dual colored throne was a man in purple pants, with a two colored shirt. His right side a purple, the same color as his pants, and his left side a red. To his left stood a distinguished looking older unicorn.
“It is a fine day Jeeves,” said the man, a leg draped over an armrest as he swished the contents of the soda around. “A fine day indeed… for boooredoom! Honestly! Where’s all the fun?! The sense of adventure! That spinal cord ripping adventure!”
“Who knows my Lord Sheogorath? Perchance one of the ponies from outside the realm could relieve you of your boredom. Mortals can be so... entertaining I suppose is the right word,” replied Jeeves, giving a slight bow to the man.
“A mortal! Of course! Why didn’t I think of that? Or maybe I did and just didn’t know it. Quick! Bring me Mr Fluffles!”
There was a silent pause. Jeeves unmoving.
“Well?! I’m waiting! And I don’t like to be kept waiting. Or maybe I do. But I don’t. Now why isn’t Mr Fluffles being brought here?!” Sheogorath turned to look at Jeeves.
“You don’t remember? One of his handlers accidently dropped him through a portal to the mortal realm a few hundred years ago. You had him strung up, hung by his entrails, and danced a jig around him for that,” Jeeves replied as he bowed to Sheogorath. “I believe he is still alive and hanging around there.”
The mad god thought it over, a finger on his chin, “Oh yes… I think I remember that. That’s unfortunate. Best hold off on my dear pet until I get myself a champion. Unless… yes, yes! I’ll go to the mortal realm myself! With the full might of the Shivering Isles!”
Sheogorath made to get up but his ever faithful Chamberlain spoke up, “Sadly my Lord your full presence is still blocked for the time being. Remember? That spell cast by those trinkets that Celestia used against her sister and you.”
The mad god sat back down in a huff, “Yes, yes! I get it Jeeves! No fun for poor old Sheogorath. No hearts to smite, no people to break. Or was it the other way around? Nono, that’s correct. Or is it? Oh well.”
Jeeves looked at his Lord, “No worries my Lord, I’m certain something will happen to rid yourself of your boredom. Perhaps going there in a more mortal form is better? You’ve done so before.”
Sheogorath looked at Jeeves, “Maybe it will, or maybe it won’t. Either way we still need to wait. And I’m growing impatient. I don’t like impatience. I don’t even like regular patients. Mortal form always gives me indigestion, it’s the hat you see. So hard to chew! And where would we be if we can’t eat our own hats?”
It had been a week since Princess Luna assembled a force and mobilized to Ponyville Lake. She quickly had the troops and a few more specialized ponies to help organize and direct how the buildings were made. Soon Luna and her troops practically had a small town up and running next to the lake.
Luna stood in a watchtower and stared out over the water. Her gaze was fixated on the island, or more specifically at the three headed gateway. Her mouth turned into a sneer when she recalled her last interaction with the eccentric Daedric Prince. She had to turn away from the island after a while, lest her temper take control of her.
Luna turned around and began the slow climb down the tower. Nodding in greeting to her guards stationed there. She just passed the entrance of the tower when she heard her name being called. She looked around and saw five mares galloping, and one flying, towards her. She smiled when she realized it was her friends.
“Greetings Twilight Sparkle. What brings you here to our camp?” Luna knew why, she was no fool.
“What brings us here? Princess why is there a base camp full of guards next to the lake?! Is Equestria under attack?! And how did we not know about this new development for so long?!” Twilight was in near hysterics as her mind reeled with possibilities.
“Is there another super villain we need to smack around?” Rainbow Dash said, shadow boxing the air.
Luna chuckled, “Yes and no dear Rainbow.” This seemed to catch their interest. “Yes there is something that could be considered an evil ‘super villain’. However, you will not be facing him, even if you have the elements.”
Twilight looked confused but exclaimed, “What? But why? There has to be something we can do!”
“Yeah!” Said the others, loud and proud.
Luna shook her head, “I’m sorry. This is one battle that should not be fought.”
“But why Princess?” Urged Twilight.
Luna sighed, “Very well. I’ll tell you all. But let us do it somewhere more comfortable, we did not make all these building to not use them after all.”
Luna and company walked through the camp to Luna’s quarters. They walked through the guarded door and took positions around the living room. A few on a couch or a pillow. Once Luna was comfortable she looked around at the assembled team of ponies, five mares returned their own looks, one hid behind her mane.
Luna nodded, seeing something she liked, “Let me begin. Twilight, what do you know about the mad god, Sheogorath?”
Twilight blinked, not expecting that question. She got herself together and replied, “Not much I’m afraid. I never got around to reading about him or his followers. Why do you ask?”
“Because, Twilight Sparkle. In the middle of this lake lies a gateway to his realm. A realm full of madness the likes you will never see here in this world.” The mares around her gasped. “Indeed, the reason I am forbidding you to fight him with the elements is because you will be in his realm. It is highly unlikely that the elements would even work on him there, if at all. That place is his seat of power. The most they could do to him here was banish him out of the world and even then the spell grows weaker.”
“Then what do we do? There has to be something.” Twilight said, hope in her voice.
Luna nodded at her, “There is something we can do. We keep watch on the gateway and make sure nothing tries to come out of it.” The others looked like they were about to protest, “Now let me explain. We can not fight Sheogorath in his realm, we can not fight him here either. The best we can do is damage control, meaning do not let anything come through that portal escape. Not until they have been thoroughly scanned and tested for madness at least. Make no mistake my little ponies, Sheogorath might act a fool but he is surprisingly cunning and intelligent. He also enjoys toying with the lives of mortals, mostly for his sick amusement.”
“Does that mean he doesn’t like parties, or ponies, and is a big meanie?” Asked Pinkie.
Luna was silent, “Well… a ‘meanie’ yes. But I’m sure he would enjoy a party, depending on his mood.”
Pinkie swiped her forehead with a hoof, “Whew, I’m glad at least one super duper bad guy likes parties!” Everypony looked at her, “What?”
“Ignore her Princess. So basically ya’lls plan is to just sit here and watch an island?” Said Applejack, eyebrow raised.
“Yes Applejack, that is the plan until we come up with a better alternative. I do not like it myself, but I see the importance of it.” Applejack nodded, her question sufficiently answered.
“So Princess, just what exactly is he anyway? I don’t know of anypony that can’t be affected by the elements.” Twilight asked.
“Ah, that’s relatively easy. He once told us he is something known as a Daedric Prince, a being far above that of the typical Daedra that live in the realms of Oblivion and if he is to be believed he created all of the Daedra known today. He also said that the form he takes resembles a ‘human’. I do not know what a human is, I just assumed it was one of his many mad ramblings. He is fond of that form though, it’s why all of his shrines depict him in it.”
“I see, fascinating .” Twilight was busy scribbling down notes. The others rolling their eyes or tittering at her nerdy behavior.
Luna got up from her seat, “I’m afraid I must get back to work. You girls and any other pony are free to return here anytime you like. Just please tell us if you are about to go to the gateway.”
“Wait, you’re going to let ponies go through that ghastly thing? That doesn’t sound like a good idea at all Princess,” Rarity spoke up.
“Going through the gateway is always a choice. My sister feels like we shouldn't take that choice away from ponies. Instead we should warn them extensively of the dangers. That realm is very dangerous and we want records of ponies that go through it. Just in case,” Luna replied.
The others nodded, waved, and generally said goodbye to the lunar monarch. Once her guests had left Luna resumed her walk around the camp, making sure everything was up to standards and running smoothly.
“Oh, how I hope the future is not so bleak.” Luna thought to herself.
Author's Note
*Chapter retouched 6/10/2020
Author's Note
*Chapter retouched 6/10/2020
Twilight Has a Question
A day later Twilight found herself pacing around her library, or more specifically the small table in the middle that has the bust of a pony on it. Spike was off to the side, watching her with boredom clearly present in his eyes. Finally, after only a bare ten seconds passing, he finally had enough. He had to know what was eating the purple mare up.
“Twilight, why are you pacing around the library so much? Is there some sort of danger going on that I don’t know about? Because if you keep this up there will be a hole in the floor sooner or later.”
She stopped her pacing when she heard her faithful assistant speak, turning to look at Spike she said, “Oh, Spike. You don’t know the half of it. There’s a military base being built next to Ponyville Lake, and the only reason for that kind of military mobilization is because some ancient evil deity decides to throw down a portal wherever he feels like! Not only that but apparently the elements won’t work this time! Ugh, I need answers!”
Spike rubbed his chin with a claw, looking up in thought when he heard what Twilight said. But she wasn’t done.
“And let’s not forget that deity is the mad god! We know so very little about him despite the fact he has been a large part of the world for several millennia! How do we face something that we honestly know next to nothing about?!”
“Well, why don’t you try and find a way to learn more about the, uh, mad god? Surely the Princesses have some more knowledge tucked away somewhere, or at least a book on it right? And besides, we faced threats we knew nothing about before, right? Sombra is a good example,” Spike replied helpfully.
Twilight sighed, “I wish that was the case Spike. I asked Princess Luna what he was, she only told us what the name of his class of Daedra was, and the species he takes as his form. She didn’t seem to know much else...” Twilight was silent, thinking. She seemed to get an idea though, “I know! I’ll ask the mad god myself!”
“Wait what?”
“Yes! That’s a wonderful idea! Oh, stop looking at me like that Spike, I’m not going into his realm, I’m going to summon him here! There’s a shrine somewhere just east of the lake, in the surrounding forest. Or at least I think so,” Twilight tapped her chin, trying to remember if there actually was a shrine there or not.
Spike still looked unsure, “That still doesn’t seem like a good idea Twilight. The guy is probably called the mad god for a reason right? Who’s to say that he wouldn’t just ignore your question just to torment you?”
“I suppose he could… but I should still try. Maybe he’d be willing to share, he is mad after all and could also be just as likely to tell me what I want to know.”
“Well, if you’re sure about this… But how are you going to summon him anyway? I don’t think there is a spell out there that can summon a god,” said Spike.
Twilight scrunched up her face, her mind trying to remember what was needed for the summoning of the mad god at his shrine. She gave up trying to recall what was needed, her horn lit up and a book was wrapped in her magical aura and floated down in front of her face. With quick precision, the book snapped open and pages flew by, Twilight's eyes darting across the pages and scanning the contents of each one until she finally came across what she was looking for. With a grin, Twilight read, “Let’s see… The book says there are three things one needs to summon him. The first is some string. The second is… a head of lettuce? And the third…” She thought about what the third was until her eyes shot opened wide and her ears fell flat against her head.
“What?! What’s the third?!” shouted Spike.
Twilight licked her now dry lips and shakily said, “The third item is a… soul gem.”
Spike's jaw fell and he gaped, he knew about the laws, he’d have to if he wanted to live in Equestria. He knew soul gems were made illegal in Equestria, he also knew that they were a rare delicacy to dragons, a fact he learnt during the dragon migration as they didn't tend to care about Equestrian laws regarding them. He looked at Twilight, apprehensive about the plan to summon the mad god now.
“Uh, Twilight? This is starting to sound increasingly bad now. Perhaps-”
He was cut off when twilight interjected, not seeming to hear his objection, “But how will I get a soul gem? They are highly illegal and if I get caught… magic kindergarden would be a cakewalk compared to the punishment I’d receive.”
“Exactly! I think you sh-”
He was cut off again, Twilight still not seeming to notice, “But… what if I ask Princess Luna for permission? All I’d have to tell her is that it’s for the sake of learning about our enemy. I’m sure she’d see the reason behind my request. Alright! I’m going to ask her!”
“But-”
“No time Spike! Time is of the essence! I’ll be back home in time for dinner!”
Twilight galloped out of the library, leaving behind an irritated baby dragon. Spike huffed and crossed his arms, “Sure, don’t listen to the baby dragon. Not like he wants to give you some sense or anything.” He stopped his grumbling, rubbed the bridge of his snout, and sighed as he realized there was nothing he could do now except wait for her to return, “Now that she reminds me… what should I do for dinner?”
“Absolutely not Twilight Sparkle,” refused Luna, drinking a cup of tea as the two talked in her personal quarters in the military outpost.
“But why?! We could learn so much if we just simply ask him a few questions!” Twilight begged, suddenly hugging the foreleg of the night princess in a desperate and pleading grasp.
“You do not understand Twilight. What you are suggesting… he could easily try to influence your mind. Try and bring you slowly into madness, rendering the elements but useless trinkets. There is far too much at risk,” Luna shook her head, trying to disentangle her leg from the surprisingly strong grasp of the unicorn.
“But there is so much to gain from it as well! Think about it princess, if we can understand how he came to Equestria then maybe we can begin to better understand his motives! Besides, he can’t manifest his full power in Equestria, right? And I’d guess even less when it’s through his shrine. Can’t you place a protection spell over my mind just for that influence?” Twilight argued.
Luna bit her lower lip and replied, “I… could yes. Mind magic is my specialty so you make a fair point. But I must ask why you feel the need to go so far to learn this information. Even so far as to bring a soul gem into the mix, you know the laws and their reasoning against those dreadful things.”
Twilight released her grip on Luna’s leg, pleased with the small progress, the monarch though was just silently relieved that the death grip on her leg was gone. Twilight looked up at Luna and said, “Because maybe if we learn as much as possible about him, he will be easier to deal with. Elements or not. If he is as powerful as you claim then maybe we should not be trying to deal with this problem with force. Maybe we should be dealing with it in other ways. Ways that don’t involve fighting.”
Luna was silent, thinking over what Twilight said. After a few minutes, she sighed and smiled down at her, “You would make a fine Princess, Twilight. Very well, procuring a soul gem shall be easy for me. We keep all confiscated ones in a secret vault that only a very select few ponies know where to find it. Give me but a moment and I shall return.”
Twilight nodded at the princess, watching her leave in a flash of magic. Luna was not exaggerating when she said she would be back in a moment. The flash of magic signaled her return as the teleportation finished, she appeared before Twilight with a small bag around her neck. The bag gently floated off her neck with her telekinesis, opening to show Twilight the contents.
“This here is what is known as a grand soul gem. ‘Tis the highest tier of normal gems alongside those accursed black ones,” said Luna as she closed the bag and placed it inside Twilight’s saddlebag. “Let me write you a Royal Decree, Twilight Sparkle. Therefore if a guard should happen to see the gem simply show them this and you shall be pardoned and allowed to continue on your journey.”
“Thank you, Princess! Thank you so much!” Twilight's smile grew wide and she squeed a little.
Luna waved her off, quickly writing the decree on a scroll with a quill help in her magic, “Think nothing of it Twilight. I may despise that mad fool with my entire being but I can see the wisdom in knowing more about him. Here,” Luna, after stamping the paper held the scroll aloft in her magic and flew it over into Twilight’s bag, “Now the only thing left is the spell to protect your mind. Stand over there, on the round rug.”
Twilight did as instructed, now in the middle of the room. Luna’s horn glowed with a high amount of magic, temporarily blinding Twilight and making her wince when she looked into it. A trail of wispy magic slowly seeped out of the tip of Luna’s horn, drifting over to Twilight. The magic briefly circled her head, connecting in a wide circle around her forehead and centered over her horn. The magical circle contracted until the spell entered Twilight’s head through the tip of her horn. Once finished Luna’s horn stopped glowing and she started breathing heavily, falling down onto her haunches.
“Are you alright Princess Luna?!” Twilight rushed to help the princess up, concern evident across her face.
“I’m fine, Twilight. That spell required much of my magic to cast, I had to put as much power as possible into it. I do not wish to take chances with something such as this, not when it comes to a friend,” Luna shakily stood up with Twilight's helping hoof, giving her a smile of thanks at the gesture.
“Thank you again, Princess Luna. I’ll be sure to return, with plenty of notes!” Twilight saluted the lunar princess.
“You’re most welcome Twilight. Now hurry along, the sooner you finish this mission of yours the sooner all of this can come to a close and I may cease worrying,” Luna nodded to Twilight, dismissing her. With permission granted Twilight teleported out of the monarch’s room in a bright flash of purple magic, ready to tackle her self-imposed mission.
“Let’s see here... String,” Twilight levitated some string onto the pedestal, “Check. Head of lettuce?” The lettuce followed, “Check. The… soul gem,” The large grand soul gem gently landed next to the lettuce with a small click. “And check! Now I just need to pray to invoke his presence right?” Twilight closed her eyes in front of the shrine of Sheogorath and prayed for him to talk with her.
“Well. Well. Well. Now, who's this that has come to visit the shrine of little old me? Why, this shrine of mine has been quite the host to some interestin' people lately. I do hope it has at least offered you somethin' to eat? But enough about that, I must say that you are an interesting looking one. You breathin’ alright? You look a bit purple! You haven’t been to any weddings recently have you? Nasty business those,” A voice rang in Twilight’s head, though she could not quite place the accent it had to any region of Equestria.
Twilight looked up, ears briefly splaying back in fear when she heard his voice in her head before they righted themselves, but her eyes never lost the sparkle of excitement at this chance, “Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle, and you must be Sheogorath am I correct? And uh… yeah, my brother’s wedding actually.”
“Why that’s a very good question little lady! Am I him? Is he me? Are me am me? You’re not me are ya?”
Clearing her throat Twilight said, “Er… no I’m not you. But I do have a few questions to ask you if that’s alright of course!”
“Of course you're not me! Much too small, and weak. And purple! No, wait, I have lots of purple on me. Just weak and fragile, so easy to rip apart and sing with your spine! Enough of this spine-tingling pillow talk, maybe I have answers! Or maybe I don’t. Usually, people that call on me don’t exactly have many questions they need answerin', it's mostly just "Paint me across the canvas!" or "Give us some of your divine cheese!". I NEVER share my cheese. I did so once, you know? Had a wheel of my finest fall from the sky of my worshipper. Splattered his corpse all across the clearing, quite rude if you don't mind me saying. Now, what do you want to ask?”
Gulping and wincing at the blatant and casual mention of the brutal murder of one of his own followers, Twilight levitated her notepaper and quill and ink out of her saddlebags. “Well, I’m just curious about you. Like, for example, what you truly are and how you came to Equis!” Twilight grinned as she stared at the shrine.
There was a silence before laughing rang out inside her head, making it feel like her brain was rattling around in her skull, “Haha! Well now, this is a first! I’ve never had anyone ask me how I came to be here! You mortals really are so full of surprises! Hahahaa!”
“So is that a no? Or…?”
“It is a yes! Hah! Sure little pony, I’ll indulge your curiosity. Just don’t interrupt me, or I’ll gouge out your eyes and turn them into jelly! Or is it jam...?”
Twilight nodded a bit too quickly at that, she didn’t want her eyes gouged out and she didn't want to die to a falling wheel of dairy. She sat down in the grass of the clearing and kept her note-taking supplies at the ready. She couldn’t wait for the new information to be given.
“Let’s see… Give me a minute, it's been so long I do think I can barely remember anything anymore.”
“Yes! I remember now. Try not to have your little mortal brain implode from the knowledge. Or have it implode, what do I care? Ah, it was right after that uh… Hallopeen party. Or was it Halloseen? Halloqueen? Eh, whatever. It was after some sort of party...”
Twilight had no idea what that gibberish disguised as words meant, but she leaned forward and paid rapt attention to what Sheogorath started to say.
I had no idea where I was at first, you know? I vaguely remembered some hazy dream, me floating in some sort of abyss, collecting myself. I was scattered, not fully myself but not fully gone. But I was pulling myself back together, slowly, the hazy dream I was in fading away into nothingness with each passing second. When I finally came too I did not know how long I was out, but it time means nothing to me now. Or at all for that matter, Time is so subjective and limiting! But you mortals depend on it so much! Here in Oblivion, well, such matters are trivial. And once you've experienced that oh-so limiting mortal side and then the other not-so limited side your perspective changes, grows, becomes so refreshingly new! At any rate, all I could see was the endless span of Oblivion that I was floating in.
It was a rainbow of colors, some colors that I didn’t even know existed until I experienced them! It seemed to stretch infinitely, and it does! I was understandably afraid at first, oh I was so young then, but I was curious, oh so curious! I found that simply exerting my will on this endless span of energy surrounding me bent it to my whims. I could create whatever I wished, and it would work! Food, liquids, electronics. Nothing was impossible, ohhoho I had a grand old time!
Until I didn't, but we'll get to that later. At some point, I created a mirror, and I saw that I was not meself. Yes, I was not always a Daedric Prince. It seemed that I became Sheogorath, the face, the clothes on my back, the staff, the cheese! Everything about me had changed oh so dramatically...
I was understandably elated you see!
Going from my dull, dreary, day to day life to Daedric Prince? Quite the honor if I do say so meself! But despite my new understanding of what I am, I still suffered from loneliness. I created the Shivering Isles, my realm, my greatest creation! All in order to offset the day to day boredom of being the only thing in the infinite planes of Oblivion. Why, haha, it drove me mad! ...A joke, my dear.
Of course, I grew mad long before I figured it out, my mind was still... processing what I had become. It could not hold the power of a Daedric Prince such as myself for long, it needed to reshape itself to fit my new station in eternal life. I did manage to find out how to create lesser Daedra after so long being all by my lonesome, it was so easy I couldn't believe I hadn't thought of it earlier! My chamberlain, Jeeves, was the first of the Daedra I created. In my mad glee, I created many many more, some even didn't agree to serve me! Outrageous! Ungrateful barrels of excrement! They'll never be able to challenge me of course, but it's the principle of the matter! Soon the Shivering Isles had its small, humble population of Daedra willing to serve me for all eternity, a wondrous populous full of madness! It was after I created my servants did I realize I could see into the mortal realm. My sphere of influence in Oblivion had grown large by that time, my power was great enough that I could walk between the mortal realm and my own whenever I so pleased. And that was when I realized that you mortals, in your oh so pitiful lives, needed a guiding hand.
And some of you, the truly worthy, even get to live in my realm.
"Just remember little pony, I'm always at the edge of your mind, that shadow in your subconscious, that tiny little blemish in your oh so fragile little psyche that you so desperately want to believe is an ironclad lock that nobody with the right tools can crack. Even before I walked the mortal realm the races knew me, they just didn't know it yet."
"So, what are the Daedra then? Conjuration has been a major school of magic for so long, but the Daedra that are summoned either can't speak or simply refuse to say anything," Twilight asked, putting aside that worrying statement for now.
“Well of course they don't want to say anything! How would you feel if you were ripped from your plane of Oblivion and forced into the service of some petulant mortal? Doing trivial deeds because the magic used to summon you also binds your will temporarily to the mage? It makes many cross at the idea. Of course, it's also hilarious when they die in service in such stupid ways! Ah, well, anyway, we Daedra are the embodiment of change. Change and permanency. Quite the contrary definition isn't it? But, that is what it is and there's no changing what is into something that isn't. Well, most of the time at any rate. I will let you try and figure that out on your own, my dear. But anyway! Run along now, and do be sure to drop by once in a while! We can have tea! How do you like your biscuits Twilight Sparkle?”
Twilight finished writing down the last bit of her notes and nearly stabbed through the paper with the quill at the last question the mad god asked. She looked at the statue on the shrine with worried shock reflecting out of her eyes, “How did you know my-”
“Go! Begone! Cease. And. Desist! Before I pluck off yer horn and stab ya in the liver with it!” Sheogorath shouted, nearly snarling at the end of his yelling.
Twilight eeped, gathered her things, and galloped out of the clearing. The mad cackling of Sheogorath ringing in her head as she nearly tripped over a fallen log and ran through the forest. It was a few minutes into her gallop that she remembered she could teleport and her horn glowed with power. Her magic expanded from her horn and she flashed out of the forest with a crack and a flash of purple magic. She arrived on the edge of the lake gasping for air, legs shaking, and she could swear the echoing voice of Sheogorath was just at the edge of her mind.
Sighing in relief at not being threatened by the mad god anymore Twilight still glanced over her shoulder every now and then as she walked back to where Princess Luna was staying, just in case something happened. Twilight knew that the magic used long ago kept the Mad God from affecting the mortal realm in any sort of major way, but it never hurt to be careful. It never hurt to just make sure that he wasn't watching her as she left the forest.
Right?
Author's Note
*Chapter retouched 6/10/2020
Friendship of Two Mares
Dear Princess Celestia,
I have been in your service for many years now. I have done so much in the name of Equestria and kept so many secrets from the ponies I know, love, and trust with my life. Not once have I questioned the roles I have needed to play for the betterment of our wondrous country. Not once have I felt the need to question my orders. Never have I shied from any challenging mission that has been set before me.
So why do I feel such a need now?
I have grown oh so close with Lyra over the years. We’ve spent so much time together that it feels like we are more than simply friends, we are practically family. My orders were to keep watch over any potential disasters that may arise. Ponyville is a prime spot for observation, to better protect the element bearers. Over the years living with Lyra I have always known of her loyalty to the mad god. She was never exactly subtle about her worship after all.
But she never went out of her way to try and recruit ponies or other species to her cult. The most I have witnessed her do is place lettuce and string in front of a bust of Sheogorath and pray. As if he would grant whatever she wanted without dire consequence. Truly, if you were to meet her for the first time you wouldn’t even guess she was a part of that cult. She seems so normal, so average.
Why the sudden change? Why is she now going from house to house, pony to pony, and trying to recruit others to the worship of Sheogorath? What is the purpose of this sudden shift? What has gotten into her? How can I get her to return to that slightly quirky mare I have come to love so much?
I’m sorry Princess, I’m just venting right now. Regardless, things are starting to change over here. Over the past few days, ever since that undead monstrosity charged through town chasing something that looked akin to Sheogorath’s species, various types of ponies have been coming into town from far away. Likely curious about everything going on. I fear these groups will try and cross over the portal, as many of them look to be adventurers of sorts. Some of the others look like tourists, they’ll probably just snap a few photos of the portal so I believe we do not need to worry about them.
But I do recommend some sort of action be taken about them all, Ponyville simply can not handle so many ponies at once. At least, not by itself. At the rate things are going all the food in town will be eaten and there will be no space for others to live. Please, Princess, do something with these ponies. I have come to love this small town and I do not wish to see it ruined.
Your Ever Faithful Agent, Sweetie Drops
Bonbon sighed as she set the quill back down on her desk. She silently waited for the ink to dry, rolled the paper up, and placed it inside a magical bottle. The bottle glowed briefly before the inside flashed purple and the message was sent to its intended recipient. Bonbon got up from her seat and stretched before walking out of her bedroom door.
“Hey Bonbon!” Lyra suddenly yelled into her face when Bonbon opened the door.
Bonbon jumped back with a cry of surprise, she recovered, glared at, and admonished her best friend, “Lyra! How many times have I told you not to do that?! What could possibly be so important?!”
Lyra rolled her eyes, “Pssh, this has got to be at least the one hundred and forty-third time.” At Bonbon’s unimpressed look she nervously laughed and hurriedly continued, “Hehe… Anyway, guess what! Lord Sheogorath finally spoke to me!”
Lyra’s grin was so wide she was forced to close her eyes, thus missing the horrified look that ran across her best friend’s face. To Bonbon’s great boon she managed to hide the horrified look before Lyra could see it.
“I can’t repeat what he said to me, but I’m so excited! I have so much work to do!” Lyra continued to smile at her friend, “So, now that I told you the wonderful news do you want to celebrate? I’m going to Hayburgeerrr, it’s our favoriiite.” She drawled out slowly, waggling her eyes at Bonbon.
Bonbon nervously chuckled, “Y-Yeah. It sounds like a great time! I’m happy for you. Honest!” Bonbon and her friend trotted out of their shared house, Bonbon looked at Lyra and said, “But I got to ask a question Lyra…”
Said unicorn looked back at Bonbon, face scrunched up in confusion, “Uh… ask away, Bon.”
“Why… oh, how do I phrase it? Why do want to serve the mad god?”
The mint green unicorn paused in her trotting, looking serious at Bonbon. Their gazes were locked, until Lyra grinned at her best friend, “Why, it’s because madness is bliss of course!”
Bonbon watched Lyra trot off in the direction of Hayburger. Her brows furrowed and her mouth frowned before she said, “What? What in Tartarus does that mean?”
“Tell me, Jeeves. What are the mortals doing now? Other than that… eh, Bash character we have not had any real visitors to the Isles that make it past the Fringe. It’s getting mighty lonely, I don’t like feelin’ lonely. And it’s not very nice to just decline my little invitation without even sending a letter! Not even a single reason why they can’t RSVP! Terrible manners, devastating social inadequacies! And to be quite honest, it’s just plain rude I say,” said Sheogorath, reclining in his throne.
“I believe they are building a bridge to the mortal’s side of the portal,” Jeeves replies, bowing his head. “Perhaps this will make them start coming to the realm in droves. How... fun .”
“A bridge? A brrridge?! Why waste so much of their little mortal lives building a bridge?! Swim! Take a chance! Roll the dice! Pass go! Collect two hundred bits,” Sheogorath shouted before he waved a hand and light seemed to bend above it as a bottle of wine appeared in the air, and a golden cup also appeared in Sheogorath’s hand. The bottle tipped and filled the cup before floating to a small table set down next to the throne. The Mad God turned towards his chamberlain, “Tell me Jeeves, what do you think the mortals will do once they reach the Isles?”
“I do not know sire, perhaps go mad upon realizing there is no hope for their selfish and fleeting desires?”
“Perhaps,” Sheogorath took a sip of wine, “But maybe I need to make sure I have plenty of mortals to throw away. I do oh so wish for that one of my dear little worshippers to be made whole again. He must have such a splitting headache… Or as much of a headache as a dead pony could get. Really now, so fragile he is. Or rather… was. But if he is going to be so lazy as to let something as inconsequential as that beautiful mistress known as death stop him then perhaps it’s time for a... new one to take his place.”
Sheogorath swished the contents of his cup around. He looked at his sharply dressed chamberlain, “Jeeves, be sure to send some Dark Seducers and Golden Saints down to the Fringe. They can shovel out the useless piles of dung that come through my portal. I don’t want the useless in my realm! Or maybe I do. No, no, wait! No Golden Saints and no Dark Seducers! I have a much better way to find the best of the best! We’ll have to be sure to dispose of the waste properly once we’re done though, don’t want to worry about Global Warming after all!”
“You control the weather sire,” Jeeves reminded him and simply bowed before starting to head off to complete his task.
“That I do! Hmm… maybe I should add a desert somewhere. No, wait! Sand in my boots is no fun, thought rejected, declined! Now, brrring in the next petitioner!” Sheogorath called to a guard. “Before I get so bored I start tearing out eyes and using them for my next martini!”
“Mmmm! These hayburgers are even better than usual Bon!” Lyra said, ketchup smeared around her lips even as she took another big bite of the burger.
“They certainly are Lyra. Heh…” Bonbon looked down, her burger half-eaten.
“Huh? What’s wrong? You’ve barely even eaten your burger, you’re usually quicker to finish it than I am,” Lyra said, a hint of worry across her scrunched up and stained face. A napkin floated next to her, wiping the ketchup off her face.
Bonbon looked at her in surprise, not expecting the question, “Oh! No no. I’ve just uh… already eaten! Yeah! That’s it. Don’t worry about it Lyra!” Bonbon put on a fake smile, trying to put her best friend at ease. She did not think it was working if the look and raised eyebrow on Lyra’s face was any indication.
“Really? We’ve known each other for years, Bon. I think I’d know if you were lying. Now come on, tell me,” Lyra set her burger down, forgotten.
Bonbon bit her lower lip, trying to think of some way to avoid this.
“And don’t think you can avoid it! I know you…” Lyra pointed a hoof at Bonbon and narrowed her eyes.
“It’s just ah… well, I mean…” She sighed and gave up, “Lyra, I haven’t said anything all these years because I’ve always thought that you deserve to live your life how you want it. But… your sudden desire to get ponies to convert to… the mad god,” Bonbon whispered the last three words, “Has left me worried about you. You’re my best friend, and I’d hate to see you ridiculed and scorned for what you believe in…” Bonbon looked down, ears splayed back.
“Not to mention the wrong sort of attention you could gain from all of this...” Bonbon privately thought.
Lyra was silent for a few moments before gently placing a hoof over her friend’s and replying, “Look, Bon… I get that you are worried about me. But don’t worry! I don’t care if I’m mocked, or scorned! It’s not something I need to worry about! I know others that believe in Sheogorath as much as I do! I’m not doing all of these things for popularity, I’m doing them because I want to! So please Bon, you don’t need to get so depressed for my sake.”
Lyra smiled at Bonbon, and after a moment Bonbon smiled back, “Alright Lyra, I’ll try and not be such a worrywart then.” The two smiled at each other.
Bonbon was hiding her increasing worry, “Oh Lyra. Just what are you getting yourself into? ”
“This the town?” asked a burly brown earth pony in heavy steel armor. His mane was dark grey and his cutie mark was covered by his thick armor. A heavy spear in his hoof grasp.
“Looks like it,” said the blue pegasus flying in front of him, light scale armor covering his body just like his companion did. A lighter spear was in his hoof grasp and several daggers were sheathed on his sides. The pegasus looked over at his companion, “Think we’ll find anything interesting though that portal? Supposedly, that mad god lives on the other side. You believe that?”
As the two walked down the streets of Ponyville, the earth pony snorted, “Bah! Sweet Celestia no! I don’t even believe in the mad god in the first place! Other than those creepy shrines those cult members take care of there hasn’t been any real proof of his existence beyond some stories. Sure, those horn heads can summon demons from Oblivion but come on, a demon god? I’ll believe the mad god is real once I see him for myself!”
The pegasus shrugged, “Well, I suppose it doesn’t really matter in the long run. I think what really matters is the treasure we’ll find. Just think about it, most ponies wouldn’t even have the spine to go in! There must be countless untouched treasure troves just waiting for us in there!”
His earth-bound companion barked a laugh, “True that! By the time we get back from whatever is on the other side, we’ll be richer than the Princesses!”
The two friends continued down the street in high spirits until they were interrupted. “Well, perhaps you would get rich. But to be honest… there is a much higher risk of a... painful death,” The two ponies looked to where the voice came from and saw a blue unicorn mare wearing an enchanted cloak looking smugly at them from one side of the street.
“Oh yeah? Well, tell me toots, what makes you think that?” Asked the earth pony, glaring at the mare.
“Yeah! We’re the best adventurers in this town! Hay, I bet we’ve been on more dangerous quests than you,” boasted his pegasus friend.
The mare laughed, “Oh I’m sure you’ll do just fine… getting killed that is. Trust Trixie when she says you’ll be in way over your heads.” The two were about to loudly protest until she continued, “Without my help, of course.”
The two ponies paused their retorts and looked at each other, the earth pony looked at the newly named Trixie and asked, “How can your help make us survive?” He looked her up and down, “You don’t look like much of a fighter.”
She laughed, “Oh my specialty is not fighting. It’s illusion spells with just a touch of conjuration.” The two ponies' eyes widen when they heard ‘conjuration’ as it was not a school for ponies with a faint heart. Many consider it to be on the verge of becoming dark magic. “And besides, Trixie has been to the Shivering Isles before. She has seen what lands lay beyond the gateway, and trust her when she says you’re no match without somepony to see you through.”
The two ponies seemed to mull it over, muttering to each other as Trixie waited patiently off to the side. They finally finished talking and the pegasus spoke up, “Well, it is good to have somepony who knows the land. And if that conjuration bit is true then we do have a much better chance of getting through… So you’re hired. But only for our adventures through the portal, not as a permanent member.”
She waved a hoof, “Whatever, Trixie only wants companions for this journey. Trixie does not wish to be stuck with anypony for any longer than that.”
“Then I guess we have a deal,” the earth pony said. “Is there anything we should get before leaving?”
She shook her head, “No, just basic supplies. But we best wait until the bridge the guards are making is complete. You can’t swim with heavy armor correct?”
The earth pony nodded, “Aye, we were going to do that anyway. Is that all?”
“Yes, yes. Trixie will meet with you by the bridge once it is complete. Don’t be late!” Trixie trotted down the street, making sure to avoid colliding with other ponies.
“I don’t trust her,” the pegasus said, “Besides her arrogant manner, I just can’t put my hoof on why though.”
“We don’t need to trust her. We just need her supposed experience with the other side. If she turns out to be a fraud then we can simply get rid of her and continue onward without her,” the earth pony grinned and looked at his companion, waggling his eyebrows, “Besides, I saw you looking at her flank. And I bet she saw it too.”
The pegasus blushed, “Oh shut up! Let’s just go get a hotel room or something.”
The earth pony watched his friend fly off in a huff and laughed, following close behind.
Quest Started: The Madmare
Author's Note
Chapter mildly updated 6/20/2020.
Quest Started: The Madmare
Twilight squinted her eyes as the morning sun reflected off of the lake’s clear blue water. The young mare stared past the completed stone bridge and carefully watched the three-faced portal for any danger. Nothing has come out of the swirling and glowing energies of the portal as of yet, and Twilight felt relieved yet also apprehensive. It’s not that she expected an invasion force, from what she gathered that didn’t seem like the mad god’s style, at least with her brief contact with him anyway, but that she still expected something to happen. Even a blubbering and stammering mad pony to come stumbling out backside first.
A breeze rolled by and rustled the treeline behind the young magical purple pony prodigy as she glared at the portal as if it would spill its secrets because of her disapproving gaze. Still, nothing happened and the mare briefly wondered why Princess Luna even bothered to ask her earlier to study the portal in the first place.
Twilight gave a long, drawn-out sigh and stopped her glaring, instead, she levitated a quill and parchment out of her saddlebag to take a few mundane and quick notes to note that nothing has happened during the day. Nothing, physical or magical, has changed about the portal or the island it stood on since the bridge was completed last night, even her magical spells detected nothing out of the ordinary. A question to the guard posted at the bridge’s entrance revealed nothing new or unusual was seen or heard. So, for all intents and purposes, Twilight was stumped.
“Seems like the portal really is just an invitation,” she muttered under her breath as she started up another remote scanning spell, Twilight didn’t trust the mad god at his word alone but he might have been forthcoming so far. As the rather basic spell did its work, she jotted down a few more notes and mumbled to no one in particular, “Perhaps I might need a closer look so I can use some more powerful spells. Should get some alchemy ingredients from the library and make some potions as well...”
Potion making was not an area that Twilight felt that she was an expert in, that was given to Zecora, but she felt like she might have a book or ten that had a potion recipe to amplify spells for this kind of situation. Twilight was at least an adept in alchemy, so the potions should be good enough for her needs. If she really needed a strong potion then she could just ask Zecora to make one, her zebra friend can easily claim to be a master in the craft. At the very least, Twilight could whip up a few stamina potions to help keep her awake during the long and boring hours of studying the portal. Just thinking of chugging stamina potions reminded Twilight about her late-night studying sessions she frequently did while under Celestia’s tutelage.
Not exactly the healthiest lifestyle… but less wasted time sleeping and more reading was worth it to a younger Twilight, even if she did pee green the entire time. She continued that up until her mother found out and nearly grounded her for the next ten years of her life, just barely dodged by the fact that her dad managed to calm her down. She still had a month of being grounded, couldn’t avoid that...
The purple unicorn’s ears flicked up as the clopping of hooves and cheers signaled the presence of a crowd of ponies coming towards the bridge. Twilight paused in her note-taking to turn around and stare at the crowd in curiosity, a large number of ponies were gathered behind a smaller group of two as they made their way to the bridge down the dirt path. The biggest of the two was a very heavily armored earth pony stallion, his spear resting in a strap on his side as he confidently strutted down the first road. He seemed to regard the whole situation with a mild and disinterested sort of air as he continued his journey with his companion. The second member of their group was a lightly armored pegasus, he seemed to be enjoying the attention of the crowd the most as he did aerial tricks and pretended to thrust at imaginary opponents with a significantly lighter spear than his earth pony companion.
The cheering crowd stopped a good few meters from the bridge, giving Twilight and the other two enough space. The guard stopped the two ponies as he briefly looked at the crowd questioningly, when no one else joined the group he shook his head and ignored them before holding up a hoof, “Hold, please.”
“Are you here to stop us from entering?” the large earth pony asked.
The guard shook his head, “No, I am simply here to deliver you a warning before you proceed.”
The pegasus and the earth pony looked at each other in confusion, they shrugged at each other and the larger of the two repeated back to the guard, “A warning?”
He nodded, “Yes, by the order of Princess Luna I am here to relay this message from her to anypony wishing to pass through the portal.” He paused, waiting for any questions. When none came he simply cleared his throat and repeated the warning, “Caution to those that choose to enter this realm of madness, for they do not understand the horrors that await within. Take heed to know that by entering this portal you may doom yourself to eternal madness by the mad god's own fickle whims. Should you come out of the portal, then you will be subjected to questioning and magical scans in case the mad god has afflicted your mind. Any injuries or loss of either valuables or lives is of your own doing and the Equestrian government will not be held responsible.”
Before one of the two could say anything Twilight heard a few indignant shouts of complaints coming from the rear of the crowd.
“Move aside, you insufferable simpletons! Do not block the way of Trixie, she is meeting her group!”
Twilight frowned, that name rang a small bell in her head. The front line of the crowd parted as the apparent third member of the group finally forced herself to the front, nearly stumbling in the process. The new pony was slimmer in build compared to the other two, clearly not a front line fighter. She, and Twilight could tell the pony was a she, wore a simple-looking cloak. An enchanted magical cloak, if Twilight’s highly refined magical senses were correct yet the specifics of the enchantments were unknown and needed a closer study to figure them out. Her face was down and her hood was up but her light blue horn and some of her hair still peeked out through the hood’s opening.
Finally, the new mare caught her balance and with a raise of her head she managed to regain some dignity, Twilight finally got a good look at her face and her memory managed to catch up with her.
“Trixie?!” Twilight nearly shrieked, take a single step back in surprise. Of all the ponies in Equestria, Twilight did not expect to meet the boastful and completely full of herself mare ever again.
At the sound of her voice, the mare whipped her head around to look at Twilight so fast she could’ve snapped her neck with the force. As the two ponies locked eyes, Trixie’s eyes narrowed and she sneered back at the purple mare in front of her, “Twilight Sparkle. How horrible it is to see you again. While she would normally enjoy beating you into the ground with the newly mastered skills she gained, Trixie doesn’t have the time to deal with the likes of you right now. She has much more important matters to attend to, so if you don’t mind can you just go away and not bother Trixie?” The blue mare waved her hoof at Twilight in a shooing gesture.
With that said and a small burst of telekinesis to fix her saddlebags Trixie flipped her hair at Twilight in dismissal and trotted over to her companions, not giving Twilight the chance to speak back. The guard repeated what he told the other two to the mare, she simply looked like she wished for him to be done and didn’t seem to give the warning any thought. With his job done and his warnings delivered, the guard moved aside and let the three through.
Trixie stopped in place once a few meters across the bridge to turn around to coldly glare at Twilight, the purple mare could not help but shiver at the sheer amount of hatred pouring from her eyes, “Trixie will say this once, Twilight, so you best prepare yourself and your little friends. When Trixie finishes with this, she will have her revenge for her humiliation. Mark Trixie’s words, Trixie will destroy everything you hold dear.”
With that said Trixie turned around and with a quick trot she caught up with her traveling companions.
“Wait!” Twilight shouted as she ran forward and skidded to a stop at the bridge’s entrance, “What do you mean?! What are you planning?!”
Trixie just ignored Twilight as she and her companions finally reached the other side of the bridge. Twilight could only watch as the group of three talked amongst themselves, Trixie seemed to grow impatient and was the first to cross the portal. The other two looked at each other, shrugged, and stepped through the portal as well.
“And that’s basically what happened,” Twilight stated as she finished telling her friends about her recent encounter with the show pony. She used her magic to put away the last few reference books she used to study the portal back into the library shelves.
Her friends looked at each other in worry over what transpired, none of them had a good feeling about what Trixie said. There was an uncomfortable silence between the mares, only broken when Rainbow decided she had enough.
“I always knew she was trouble! What’d you say we just go through that portal and kick her butt from there to Canterlot? That’ll teach her not to mess with us!” Rainbow flew higher in the air as she smacked her front hooves together, “Nopony threatens my friends and gets away with it!”
A blue glow surrounded her tail and she was yanked back down to a more reasonable level. Rarity slowly walked over to Twilight, looking concerned, “While I don’t necessarily support Rainbow’s more… brutish suggestion, I must agree that we shouldn’t just stand around and simply wait for that mare to do whatever she wants. Especially since it sounds like it would be so… evil .”
“Ah agree with them Twi, that no good boasting filly will only cause more problems than fruit bats in an apple orchard,” Applejack inserted her own two bits into the conversation.
“I know we should do something girls, I don’t like the thought of just leaving her to do whatever she wants any more than you, but we can’t just walk through that portal all without some kind of plan. Who knows what kinds of danger lurks in there?”
Rainbow landed back on the ground, “Pfft, come on Twilight. If Trixie of all ponies is confident enough to survive in there then we’d have no problem. You’re already stronger than she is and we’re the elements of harmony! There’s nothing we can’t beat!”
“Well…” Twilight drifted off looking to the side, still not convinced.
“If it makes you feel any better dear, we’ll support you no matter what you decide. As your friends it is the least we can do to help,” Rarity said with a smile as she put a dainty white hoof over Twilight’s withers in comfort.
Suddenly Pinkie, sporting a wide and toothy grin, inserted herself between the two mares and dragged them into a tight three-way hug. “Plus if we stop her big, meanie plans I can totally plan the bestest, most awesomest ‘We Stopped Your Big Evil Plans!’ party!” she exclaimed with her usual excitable good cheer.
Twilight pushed against the deceptively strong pink mare and squeezed herself out of Pinkie’s grasp, “Well… I suppose if you put it like that then we really have no choice.” She began pulling out seemingly random books from the shelves, “I doubt we’ll be able to bring the elements with us, the Princess’s wouldn’t want to risk them getting lost in Oblivion. Plus they probably won’t work outside of our realm without being connected to this plane.”
“Then… we’re going to go kick butt?” Rainbow pushed, trying to not sound too hopeful and eager to rush through to a new adventure.
Twilight rolled her eyes at Rainbow’s antics and sighed, “Yes, Rainbow, we’re going to go kick butt.”
The colorful mare disregarded her original plan to try and be sneaky and instead hoof pumped in celebration, “Yes! I’ll go pack right now! This’ll be just like a Daring Do book!”
“You girls should pack some supplies too, we don’t know how long we’ll be on the other side of the portal. We don’t even know if time works the same as it does here, but it’s highly unlikely it won’t,” Twilight advised. “I’ll do some last-minute research and send a letter to the Princess to let them know where we’ll be going before we head out.”
The other mares agreed and rushed out of the door to prepare for their journey into the realm of the mad god.
The Madmare - Entering a Strange New World
Author's Note
Hello there.
Chapter mildly updated 6/13/2020.
The Madmare - Entering a Strange New World
“This is a foolish endeavor, Twilight Sparkle, and far too reckless,” was Luna’s blunt remark as she stood before the six bearers of the Elements of Harmony. The bridge that led to the screaming faced portal in the lake was just behind her as she continued, “I am shocked that you six all decided to go on this mission. If it wasn’t for my sister informing me of your reckless decision, I wouldn’t be here to try and persuade you to abandon this foolhardy quest. Do you realize your importance and value to Equestria as a whole? Do you not understand what may happen if one of you is lost? Should even one of you fall, our greatest defense against evil is useless.”
“I know it’s reckless, and I know how important we are to Equestria, but we need to do this, Princess! You didn’t see the look in Trixie’s eyes, she seemed like she genuinely wanted me dead, and would gladly do it herself. Whatever she’s planning, it must be bad and we need to stop it!” Twilight replied. She sighed softly, knowing that the Princess only had the best intentions for them, “But, I can promise that we will proceed with the utmost caution when we go through the portal.”
Luna grimaced but knew that she could not truly stop Twilight and her friends from entering the portal. To do so would be to take away their freedom to go and do what they feel is right, if this is what they feel needs to be done then she will allow them. Even if she thinks it foolhardy. “Then shall I take it you will not abandon this undertaking of yours?” Luna tried once more.
Twilight nodded, “Yes, Princess.” Twilight knew that this is what they needed to do, something big is brewing and she and her friends need to stop it. Whatever it may be.
The Princess of the night sighed and bowed her head in defeat, but stood aside to allow the six mares to cross the bridge. She smiled as she watched them proceed, but she was determined to relay them one last warning, “Safe journeys, my friends, and beware of the machinations of the mad god. I know all too well the price one will pay for such a mistake should you let your guard down around him.”
With that last warning given, the six mares began their journey across the bridge.
Twilight felt nervous as she and her friends slowly traversed the stone bridge. Sure, she spent the last few hours doing some last-minute researching and studying anything about Oblivion she might have missed, but she still felt like she was getting cold hooves. Soon she and her friends will be on a completely different plane of existence, that was a fair distance from the home she has grown accustomed to in Ponyville.
“You alright there, sugar-cube?” Applejack asked, giving a concerned glance over at the purple unicorn as she trotted a little more quickly to walk next to her.
“I’m fine,” Twilight replied. “I’m just nervous about actually entering the portal. I mean it’s one thing to travel around Equestria or to go up to the Crystal Empire, but another plane of existence is a whole other level. Oblivion is such a vast expanse, and we haven’t even scratched the surface of its mysteries.”
“Shoot, Twi. Ah getcha, I’m worried too. Ah don’t even understand much about anything about this whole other ‘planes of existence’ thing. Don’t know much about this Sheo-whatchamacallhim, or Oblivion, but ah do know that somepony’s gotta do somethin’. And ah think that those ponies should be us, we just gotta stick together.”
Twilight smiled as the group neared the portal, “Thanks, AJ.”
“Anytime!”
“Oh, how adorable!” said a voice that came out of nowhere. “Six little brave ponies ready to venture out into the unknown! Solve puzzles to unlock doors! Slay the mighty beast! Explore a whole new realm! Unlock the mysteries of the universe! Or die trying and failing, at any rate, no skin off my bones really. Just yours.”
Rainbow rubbed her ear, “So is this that all-powerful god everypony keeps on talking about?”
“Ah, what a wonderful question my dear! Yes, this is Sheogorath, Prince of Madness, yadda yadda yadda. I thought it was rather obvious, perhaps I didn’t make this portal clear enough as to who owns it? I know you mortals are rather slow on the uptake, but do try and keep up will you?” Rainbow scowled at the portal but the mad god continued on, “Anyhoo, do come on in, do come on in! Lovely weather here on the Shivering Isles, why I haven’t made it rain cats and dogs for at least a fortnight! Oh ho ho, the blood. Was. Everywhere!”
The voice of Sheogorath cut off as Fluttershy gasped at the implication and left the six ponies to stand in front of the glowing portal. After briefly consoling the butter-colored pegasus the six friends looked at each other and nodded before jumping into the portal.
The first thing the six mares saw upon exiting the other side of the portal was a small stone brick room with a stone table standing over a round rug and a stone chair on each of its sides. A metronome was ticking away on the table and the only source of light came from a few small candles sitting in a candle stand next to the table. Finally, there was a simple wooden door leading to someplace else on the other side of the room.
The second thing they noticed was a unicorn pony that looked like he was somewhere between his middle-aged years and his older years. He was sitting on the other side of the table, sporting a snappy black suit jacket and a red shirt under it. He didn’t seem to notice the mares as he focused his attention on the scroll floating in front of him.
There were a few tense seconds of silence between the two parties before it was broken by the elder pony’s detached sounding voice, “Well, don’t just stand there staring at me stupidly. Whoever is in charge should take a seat, the others can just stand around.” He waved a dismissive hoof near the end of his sentence.
He motioned at the other empty seat with a gesture, not taking his eyes off the scroll.
Twilight’s friends gave her encouraging shoves and grins, so with a small smile, she took the seat in front of the strange pony before them. Once she was seated the elder unicorn stopped his writing and rolled the scroll up before making it disappear in a flash of light. He turned his rather bored-looking gaze upon Twilight, “So, mortal, what may I do for you. Are you here about the door or anything else for that matter?”
Twilight cleared her throat, “Uh, a little of both really. I-uh, we want to know why there is a portal to here in our Realm. We are also trying to stop somepony who we believe to have some evil plan.”
The other pony hummed, “I see, I’m afraid I can not begin to fathom my Lord’s reasons for putting the portal there in the first place, but if he wills it then it shall be so. It is no danger to your realm or any of its denizens if that is your concern. It is but a simple invitation. As for your other reason, I assume you are referring to the three who came through your portal before you? Best of luck in that regard I suppose, it’s none of my business really.”
“But, how can he will the portal there? I thought he was blocked from doing anything in our realm?” Twilight asked, genuinely curious.
The older stallion shrugged, “He can not enter your realm in full physical and magical power certainly, but he can still affect your realm in more ways than one. So long as it is but a portal to his realm and he does not try and go through himself, there is naught the spell the Elements of Harmony created that prevents him from entering your realm can do. If the spell prevented any contact with the planes of Oblivion, then conjuration as a school of magic would nearly be completely useless, yes?”
“So, who are you?” Twilight eventually asked as she accepted his answer. She perked up as if she forgot something. “Oh! My name is Twilight and these are my friends, Rarity, Applejack, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie,” Twilight pointed a hoof at each mare as she called their name.
“My name is Jeeves, chamberlain to Lord Sheogorath. Charmed, I’m sure,” Jeeves replied. “Is there anything else you require, or shall we finish this up? I do have many important duties I must attend to.”
Twilight seemed to think it over before replying, “I do have two more questions… Earlier you called us mortals, are you not a pony like us? And, where does the door behind you lead?”
“I called you six mortals because that is what you are, and what I am not. I am not a pony, despite my deceiving appearances, I am a Daedra,” Jeeves flatly said, as if the topic was the most mundane of things to speak about. “As for your second question, that brings me to what we need to discuss. The door behind me leads to the Shivering Isles, the portal behind you leads you back to your realm. You must make a decision here to press on, or turn back. You will not be punished if you choose to leave now, your choice is your own. If you do continue through the door then all you must then do is pass through the Gates of Madness, if you’re successful then you might just find what you seek.”
Twilight didn’t need to think it over, “We’ll go through the door, we’ve come this far and won’t stop now.” Twilight’s other friends all gave their own confirmation.
Jeeves smiled a tiny bit, “Enthusiastic, I see. I pray you to keep that, it may serve you well.” Jeeves got up from his seat and said, “One last thing. When you reach the Gates of Madness, do mind Mr. Fluffles, he gets agitated when he hasn’t had his favorite meal and the troublemakers have been annoying him lately.”
Twilight quirked an eyebrow but nodded and watched as Jeeves opened the door, a bright shining light came from the open doorway and he didn’t hesitate to step through it. As the door closed behind him, shutting the light off, Twilight stood from her seat and looked at her friends, “Are you girls ready?”
The five mares nodded and before they all started to walk up to the door, the room around them disintegrated. The six mares stared in wonder as the walls themselves turned into beautiful butterflies and fireflies that spun around them before spiraling up into the air to disappear.
“Oh my, how pretty,” Fluttershy said as she watched the display, momentarily forgetting about the situation.
“Come on girls, we should hurry if we want to catch up with Trixie,” Twilight said as she looked out at the brightly lit, walled off, rather simple looking landscape. Large roots jutted out of the ground here and there, and even the trees looked twisted and strange. The purple mare could see a gatehouse further into the Shivering Isles from her spot at the top of the high pathway they found themselves on, and beyond that, she could vaguely see another landscape that looked to be split into a bright forest and a dark and grim looking twisted marsh.
The six bearers of the Elements of Harmony began their walk down the large hill, passing broken pillars of some old construct. Twilight winced in pain as the mares walked under a large root arching over the pathway.
"Are you alright, Twilight?" Rarity asked, noticing Twilight stopped walking to rub the base of her horn. The others stopped what they were doing to look at Twilight in concern.
"I-I'm fine, I just have this weird pressure on my horn. Do you feel something similar?" Twilight looked at her friend questioningly, wondering if the other unicorn could feel the same mild pain she did.
Rarity stared up at her horn cross-eyed for a second before closing her eyes to concentrate. After a minute she shook her head, "I'm afraid not, dear. Anypony else feel strange?"
A chorus of denial came from the other four.
Twilight put her hoof back down, "I'll just have to deal with it, for now, we'll figure it out when we get someplace safe. I think I saw a village by the lake when we were further up."
"Want me to check it out?" Rainbow asked, flapping her wings enough to give her some hover over her friends.
"Alright, but only keep a lookout from the air. We don't need you getting caught off-guard by any nasty surprises," Twilight agreed.
"Che! Don't sweat it, Twilight. I got this!" Rainbow flapped her wings harder and shot upwards through a gap in the large roots covering the pathway. A few seconds ticked by and Rainbow came tumbling back down, only barely able to save herself from a nasty collision with the ground. She dropped back to her hooves, panting with exertion.
"Well, dang, Rainbow. Ah reckon ya need ta work on your stamina a bit there. Yer already plum tuckered out," Applejack said, letting Rainbow lean on her for support.
"I-It's not that," Rainbow replied, pausing to catch her breath. "Once I got higher than a couple of meters I suddenly needed to use a lot more strength to keep myself flying. It only got harder the higher I went," she gasped for breath as Fluttershy rubbed her back, "Heck, doing a Rainboom is easier than flying higher than the roots of these creepy trees."
"What do you suppose this means?" Fluttershy asked to no one in particular.
Twilight bit her lip as she rubbed the base of her horn, "I have a hunch, but I'll need to think it over a little more. We can rest here a bit to let Rainbow recover."
"Sounds like a plan..." Rainbow muttered as she collapsed onto her haunches and groaned.
A Quest to Rescue the Mad God’s Kitten
Author's Note
As a crossover, this chapter can’t really be updated with the rest of them. Though, the other story may be cancelled anyway... We’ll, anyway, I won’t do another crossover for a long while, if ever.
Regardless, while I wouldn’t mind changing some of ol’ Sheogorath’s dialogue everything is relatively fine as it is. I’ll just focus on the rest of the story.
A few important things happened in this chapter. Not just Sheogorath's precious kitten being rescued.
Crossover with The Reluctant Gunman by thunderclap
A Quest to Rescue the Mad God’s Kitten
Jeeves was droning on and on about the ongoings of the realm. Who had problems with that and who had problems with this, none of it mattered! Sheogorath knew he should be paying attention, because the realm can’t run itself... oh, now that’s an idea. A self running realm of Oblivion! Well, when you rule a realm for so long all the problems seem so insignificant so the mind tends to wander. Something new needed to happen, this was simply too... Boring !
As Sheogorath was simply sitting on his throne, he let out a dramatic sigh. Interrupting Jeeve’s report he said, “Oh Jeeves, so much is going on. Mortals scurrying for those precious minutes of their lives. Work to be done. Sweetrolls to be buttered and shoved down the throats of unsuspecting diabetics, and I’m just sitting here… bored out of my mind!” He flung a hand up into the air, palm up, and said, “Oh, when will something interesting happen in my realm-”
His speech was interrupted by a flash of metal and an object dropping lightly into his palm, “Oh? What’s this then? A bullet? How... interesting .”
“I am Vash the Stampede. I am a hunter of peace. If you fight to defend peace and the lives of others then I will be more than willing to help. Just call on me and together we will create… LOVE AND PEACE!”
“Oh! What marvelous item have I come across?! Is this something that can possibly cure my boredom?! Hahaha! Yes!” Sheogorath cackled, he calmed down after the bout of laughter. Sheogorath pinched the bullet between his index finger and thumb, “Very well! Vash the Stampede! I call on you! Do be hasty now...”
Sheogorath felt that the dimensional barriers of his realm were touched by something. He allowed the foreign being access and directed them to the foot of the stairs of his throne. A swirling green portal opened up and a tall, spiky haired blonde man wearing a red duster walked through it. The blonde man let out a loud yawn before opening his eyes and realizing he had been summoned away.
“Aww man, who’s summoning me this time?” He asked looking around the room. “I’ve still got a lot of work to do on that Changeling village.”
“Hah! Quite the mouth on ya mortal! Look up here then,” Sheogorath purred.
Vash did as he was told and his eyes bugged out as he cried, “Jumping cheese wheels Batman, it’s Sheogorath!”
Sheogorath cackled, “Oh, I knew this would be entertaining!” He calmed down a bit and wiped away a tear, “Now, do ya have any idea why I called ya here mortal?”
“First,” Vash said holding up a finger. “My lifespan is an indeterminate amount of time so the mortal thing may not really apply to me. Second, how the hell should I know? You’re the Prince of Madness. You could’ve called me for anything from unbelievable psychological trauma to kissing a bottlenose dolphin.”
Sheogorath grinned, “Quite the mouth on ya indeed mortal. You don’t need it do you?” He glared, “You have longevity, not immortality. Second! You’re quite right! How should ya know?! I don’t even know either! Or maybe I do…” His glared turned into a grin.
“Alright, sorry about mouthing off,” Vash sighed. “You just summoned me before breakfast, that’s all. So, why did you call me over to your neck of the multiverse?”
“I don’t know anything about a multiverse, but I do have a little proposition for ya. If yer interested. I only require you to do a simple task for me.”
“I get the feeling that your simple task won’t be so simple,” Vash started. “But, what the hell, I’ll listen to what you’ve got to say.”
“Ha! Of course ya will! Not like ya got much choice in the matter now is it?” He grinned, “All I want ya to do is rescue my kitten.”
“Ooh, and let me guess, the twist is your kitten is either a manticore or a chimera?” Vash asked, pointing at the mad god.
“Ha! Neither! But I won’t ruin the surprise. I only require you to bring him back to my realm, without a single scratch on him! Can ya do that mortal?”
“I think I might,” Vash said with a smirk. “I can dodge automatic weapon fire and survive Celestia and Luna’s estrus fueled frenzy. I can handle protecting a kitten.”
“Wonderful! You’ll do nicely then! Now before I send ya off, ya need Mr Fluffle’s leash!” Sheogorath turned to the strict looking pony lookalike to his left, “Jeeves! Bring me… ‘The Leash’!”
Jeeves bowed and teleported away in a swirl of purple energy.
Sheogorath looked back down at Vash, “Once he gets that leash you’ll notice a little gem at the top of it. Pay attention mortal, this is important. You just need to go to that uh… Baggy Bosh. No, Berry Bogg? Ah, whatever! It’s a marsh near that pony town just outside my gate! Mr Fluffles is there and before ya bring him back ya need to drop that gem in the middle of the marsh. Did yer mortal brain get that?”
“Got it, take gem to marsh of indeterminate name and drop said gem in the middle of said marsh. Also, can I ask you a question?”
“Aye, speak yer peace mortal. Just don’t take too long, I can feel Jeeves is almost done.”
“Well, since you’re Sheogorath and I’m doing a quest for you, shouldn’t I get a Wabbajack?”
Sheogorath laughed, “Well aren’t you presumptuous! Ah, don’t worry. You’ll get a Wabbajack, and if ya do a good enough job ya can even leave with yer eyes intact! Ah! Here comes Jeeves.” He looked down and to the right of Vash. The same swirl of purple energy announced the arrival of the chamberlain.
Jeeves looked at Vash and held out a long staff that had the faces of screaming ponies along it’s length. A purple gem rested at the top, glowing with power. “Here you go sir, try and not lose it.”
“You don’t have to worry about that Jeeves,” Vash said with a smile. “The only things I’ve lost in my life are my virginity and my mind. And one of those things was a temporary loss.”
Jeeves looked at Vash with no emotion, “I might not understand mortal biology, but that doesn’t seem possible.” After handing the staff over he turned and walked up the stairs of the throne to stand next to Sheogorath once more.
“Aint he a hoot?!” Laughed Sheogorath.
“Hey, someone’s got to play the straight man to ya,” Vash chuckled back. “So, can you point me to the exit so I can begin my epic quest to find and protect Mr. Fluffles!” he called out valiantly, staff held high.
Sheogorath looked at Jeeves, “Where is that marsh? I forget what the mortals call the place.”
Jeeves sighed and looked at Vash, “It’s called Froggy Bottom Bogg. It is south of the town the mortal ponies call, ugh, Ponyville. I recommend you ask for directions when you get there.”
“Seriously, Ponyville?” Vash asked with a sigh. “What, did they just run out of horse puns or something?”
“Who knows?! Now you’d best be off now. Would you like a little push out of my realm to speed things along?” Asked Sheogorath sweetly.
“That depends, when you say a little push, do you mean a boot to the head? Or something else that will send me hurtling and screaming to crash to the ground?”
“Of course not!” He exclaimed gleefully.
“Alright, send me to… ugh Ponyville, please.”
Sheogorath chuckled, “Oh I can’t send ya directly to the little mortal village. A little too far from my portal in the mortal realm ya see.”
“Okay, then send me as close to the town as possible, please. And there better not be a monster nest there.” Vash muttered under his breath.
“Don’t worry! It’s just about two hundred feet over the lake!” And with that Sheogorath gathered power in his right hand and swept it in front of him in a shooing motion. A push of power flung Vash through a portal and out into the mortal realm over a large lake.
Vash’s eyes widened as gravity took hold of him and sent him on a direct course with the lake. “Damn you Sheogorath!” Vash cried as he positioned his body like a cliff diver and prayed to whatever deity that would listen that he would survive the fall. In an instant, he breached the water and nearly whooped for joy that he lived. He then made for the nearest shore and pulled himself onto land. He pulled his revolver from his holster and opened the chamber.
“Dammit, I hope this thing works if I need it later,” he growled as he holstered the weapon. “Ok, so where’s that town?” Vash took a quick look around and noticed what looked like a camp. “Nice, let’s hope they’re willing to let me dry my clothes.” With that, Vash made his way over to the camp and made sure to stay out in the open so they wouldn’t think he was an assailant of some kind.
When he got to the gate of the camp a guard shouted, “Hault! Who are you?”
“My name is Vash the Stampede,” Vash called out. “I simply want some directions and a fire to warm up and dry my clothes by. I mean no harm.”
The guard seemed to look him over before nodding, “Very well, proceed through the gate. There is a brazier to the left, you can dry your clothes there.” The guard pointed with his spear. “Don’t try anything funny, we’re on high alert here.”
“You don’t have to worry about me sir,” Vash replied as he snapped a salute. “I would never disrespect someone’s hospitality.” The guard then opened the gate, allowing Vash inside. He followed the instructions and huddled around the brazier gratefully. “Oh yeah, that feels a lot better. I swear, if I had known that I’d wind up in situations like this, I’d have never made that damn token,” he muttered under his breath.
“Hmm? You say something?” A patrolling guard said to Vash.
“Just griping about falling into that lake,” Vash replied with a chuckle. “I feel like an idiot for doing that. Say, since you’ve stopped to talk to me, do you know where I can find Ponyville? That’s where I was heading before I took an unscheduled bath.”
The guard blinked, “Well, Ponyville is a five minute walk that way.” He pointed with a hoof, “Just west of here. And don’t worry, I won’t ask about the lake business.”
“Thanks for the directions. And as for the lake thing. I was looking at a map and wasn’t paying attention to where I was going. Nothing too embarrassing, but stupid nonetheless. Plus, I lost a perfectly good map,” Vash lied. Not wanting to say that a mad god had teleported him.
The talkative guard stared at Vash in silence, before smiling, “Ah, don’t worry about it! Happens to the best of us. Take care now, and try to avoid any mad ponies in the forests.” The guard nodded at Vash and resumed his patrol. Vash let out a sigh of relief and continued to warm himself by the fire. Once he felt he was sufficiently dry enough, he exited the camp and followed the friendly guard’s instructions.
After an uneventful few minutes of walking Vash finally arrived on the outskirts of a small town. Ponyville, if he were to guess. Deciding that he would probably need a map, or at the very least look at one he decided to try and find the nearest place. Vash stopped a random pony, a brown stallion with a black mane.
“Excuse me, do you know where I can find a map?” Vash asked. The stallion pointed to a large tree, it was the town’s library. “Thank you. Here, a bit for your trouble,” Vash said as he fished out a coin from his coin bag and flipped it over to the stallion with a grin.
The stallion looked at it and said, “Wow! A vintage bit from before Nightmare Moon! And in such good condition! Thank you kind sir!” The stallion turned around and ran off, a large grin on his face at his lucky find.
“I think I just made somepony a bit richer,” Vash punned as he snickered at the dumb joke. “Alright, best get to that map. I’ve got an epic quest to complete after all,” Vash walked over to the library and knocked on the door.
“It’s open! Sheesh, it’s a public library!” Yelled a boyish voice. The door to the library opened and revealed a small purple dragon. His eyes widened when he saw Vash, “Whoa, you’re a tall one dude.”
“That’s because I drank a lot of milk and ate all my green vegetables,” Vash joked.
Spike deadpanned, “Riiight. Well come on in I guess. Whatcha lookin’ for?” Spike opened the door wider and motioned for Vash to come in.
“I just need a map of the local area, nothing major,” Vash answered as he entered the library and looked around the room. “Nice place ya got here, but aren’t you a little young to be running a library?”
Spike closed the door and walked over to a shelf, “I don’t run this place, Twilight does. I’m her number one assistant!” Spike said proudly, grabbing a roll of paper. “Well, it’s a little outdated, the new ones haven’t come in yet. But those aren’t updated for Ponyville.” Spike handed the map over to Vash.
Vash scanned the map and asked, “Okay so would this be the general location we’re in since Ponyville isn’t on it.” He showed the map to Spike as he pointed at a spot below the Everfree Forest.
Spike scanned the map then nodded, “Yup! That looks about right! Where do you need to go anyway? I can probably point it out to you.”
“A place called Froggy Bottom Bogg,” Vash answered.
The baby dragon shuddered, “Ugh, why would you want to go there? Well, it should be around here. On the west most side of the Everfree.” Spike pointed a claw at the point on the map. “When the ground gets muddy and hard to walk through… you’ve been to the right place.”
“Good thing I’m wearing my boots,” Vash said with a weak grin. “Thanks for the map, I’ll be seeing you around… uh?”
“Spike,” he held out a clawed hand.
“Vash,” he replied as he accepted the hand and shook it.
“You can keep the map if you want it. We have tons in storage,” Spike said.
“Sorry, I don’t take handouts. Here,” Vash said as he flipped a bit to Spike. “That should cover it. Thanks for the map my scaly friend,” he said as he turned to walk out the door.
Spike looked at the bit and said, “Oh, a vintage bit! Twilight would love this! Thanks Vash!” Spike waved goodbye and slowly closed the door behind Vash. “And good luck in the Bog!”
Vash waved without turning back to the dragon and whistled a tune to himself as he idled his way toward the undoubtedly dangerous bog. Vash looked around the town and chuckled to himself at how quaint it all was. Most of the buildings had thatched roofs. Still, the ponies all looked happy enough and smiled as he walked down the streets.
“Excuse me, but would you like to talk about our Lord and savior Sheogorath?” Vash raised an eyebrow and looked to where he heard the voice. A mint green unicorn was going from house to house, knocking on doors and trying to get ponies to convert and worship Sheogorath. The doors were all slammed in her face however.
‘Huh, they even have things like this in Equestria. I wonder if she has pamphlets like some of them do?’
The mint green unicorn sighed, but put on a determined faced and continued on. Until she saw Vash and stopped in the street. Her eyes widened, then narrowed in suspicion. She rubbed her chin as she scrutinized him.
“Um, hello?” Vash offered with a small wave.
Suddenly she smiled and waved, “Hello! I see you’re doing our Lord’s work! Don’t disappoint him!” She turned around and merrily went back to what she was doing. Her spirits seemed to have been lifted a bit.
‘She was a weird one. But she seemed harmless enough.’ Vash then shrugged and continued down the street. Hoping no one paid attention to what she said about him.
He seemed to strike some luck in this adventure. Not a single pony seemed to have heard the small exchange and Vash couldn’t help a small sigh of relief. His journey through town led him past the town center and over a bridge. He could see the beginning of the Everfree treeline.
“Ah, some things never change,” Vash said with a fond smile. “This treeline is just like the Everfree back home.” He then moved to enter the path into the dark and foreboding forest.
Vash pulled the map out and looked at it as he walked down the path. “The bog is in the west section of the forest, so I guess that is... this way?” Vash turned right on a fork in the path. He pulled the map back down and said, “Hmm, I hope it’s not too far.”
Vash continued down the path and scanned the area to see if he could find the bog. He also kept on guard, he knew how dangerous the forest could be. The last thing he wanted was to be caught unaware by something like a manticore or a group of Timberwolves.
His luck proved to be good once again, the ground started getting more and more wet without a single monster or beast attack. It was not too long later that he had to either start really pulling hard against the mud or try and find paths amongst fallen tree trunks and small islands of dirt.
Vash turned in a circle as he made sure to check if he was right about the area. “Okay, this looks like the place. Oh Mr. Fluffles!” he called out.
Nothing answered his call, Vash slapped his forehead when he realized he forgot something. “Oh, right! The gem!” Vash pulled the staff out and grabbed the gem, trying his hardest to pull it off. “Oh, come on! Get. Un. Stuck!” With one final yank the gem was ripped from its perch and flew off into the marsh.
Almost immediately after it sank the ground seemed to shake. A wave of purple energy shot out in a dome from the point of impact the gem had with the ground. The shaking stopped once the dome dissipated and everything went silent. Way too silent.
“Um, Mr. Fluffles?” Vash asked with a nervous whimper.
There was a shake of the ground. Vash stumbled a bit before regaining his balance, now on full alert. There was another shake, this time a rather large dome of mud rose from the marsh. Vash stared at the spot when another shake finally sent something free from the mud.
A rather large bear claw rose out of the ground, it gripped the marshy floor and pulled the rest of Mr. Fluffles out of the mud. A large undead abomination rose from the depths. It had the body, head, and tail of a fifty foot tall Manticore, the front paws of a dead Ursa Minor, and the back legs of a dragon. It’s eyes glowed purple with energy once it reached its full height.
“Uh… good boy Mr. Fluffles. Do you want to go for a walk?” Vash asked, sweating bullets as he held up the leash.
Mr. Fluffles looked down at Vash, then at ‘The Leash’. It growled loudly and took one giant step forward. The ground shaking just a bit.
‘Oh please don’t let this be the way I die. I’ve still got so much that I want to do.’
“Mr. Fluffles, sit!” Vash boomed, trying to be authoritative as he thrust the leash forward.
Mr. Fluffles roared at Vash, loud enough to send his already spiky hair even spikier. He clearly did not respect Vash’s authority.
“Don’t you sass me Mr. Fluffles!” Vash growled. “I beat down Discord and I won’t hesitate to do the same to you!” He finished, trying to stand his ground.
The large abomination looked down at Vash, its glowing eyes seeming to stare into his soul. It growled once more, then growled again, then it seemed to make some odd noise in its throat, like rocks falling mixed with beastial roars. It put a bear paw over its jaw, it was laughing…
“Oh, you don’t believe me?” Vash asked with a dark chuckle. He then removed a band from around his right arm. “Do you see this? This is a limiter. This keeps me from being too dangerous. If I wanted to, I could destroy an entire city, or punch a hole in the moon. So unless you want to end up a smear on the ground I’d suggest you… RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH!”
Mr. Fluffles raised a nonexistent eyebrow, his glowing eyes seemed to twinkle in a way that reflected rolling, and pointed to the staff, then motioned to Vash before making a small space between his front paws. Vash cautiously stepped toward the space that Mr. Fluffles indicated with the staff outstretched before him.
The beast looked at him oddly, then sighed in exasperation. It drew on the ground, a single word that said ‘madness’, then pointed at Vash, then once again made a small space between his paws. Then laughed once more. Vash moved to the indicated space, pointed the staff at the abomination and said, “Madness.”
Mr. Fluffles sighed, and gave Vash a pitiful look. It pointed at the word once more, made it’s paws stretch outwards as if indicating something large, then pointed at Vash, before bringing its paws closer.
“I really wasn’t expecting to play charades today,” Vash said with a sigh. “Do you want me to point this at myself? Or hold my arms outstretched like I’m Moses trying to part the Red Sea? Just hold up your left paw for the former, and right for the latter. It’s pretty obvious at this point that you can understand me.”
Mr. Fluffles face pawed. It seemed to give up now. He seemed to resign himself and stared down at Vash licking his jaws.
“Hey! None of that Mr. Fluffles! It’s my job to get you to Sheogorath!” He boomed as he drew his revolver and aimed it at the beast’s eyes. “Not to be your snack! Now, let’s just be civil here and maybe the two of us can be friends before this is all over. Or, you can try to eat me. The keyword there being try .”
Mr. Fluffles grinned widely and shook his head yes as he slowly began stepping forward.
Vash paled and pointed the staff at himself, “Madness!” he called out.
Mr. Fluffles rolled his eyes and got even closer. Not even bothering to hide his hunger now. Vash stretched his arms out and thrusted the staff upwards and cried, “Madness!”
Mr. Fluffles stepped particularly hard this time, the ground around Vash shaking. It gave one more lick of its chops and eyed Vash. Vash looked up at the abomination and let out a nervous chuckle.
“Hey look, a distraction!” he called out, pointing behind Mr. Fluffles.
Mr. Fluffles looked behind him. Then it roared in anger when it realized it’s mistake. While Mr. Fluffles was distracted, Vash took off running, screaming like a little girl all the while. The beast let off a booming roar and took off after Vash through the bog. Vash didn’t bother looking behind him, the angry roars and shaking ground was evidence enough that he was being chased. He felt tears stream down his eyes as he pushed himself forward as fast as he possibly could.
“With what is most likely my last breath, I curse Zoidberg!” Vash boomed, then paused for a moment. “And screw you Sheogorath!” Vash could’ve sworn he heard mad cackling, but it was probably his mind playing tricks on him.
Mr. Fluffles charged through the forest, not seeming to care at all for the trees in its path. Vash wondered where he should go to lead this beast somewhere, before he gets too tired. Vash swiveled his head madly and just decided to blindly head through the densest part of the forest, hoping that would slow Mr. Fluffles down at least a little bit.
It worked to an extent, the beast slowed down from ramming so many trees. On the other end of the spectrum however… it also served to make it madder. It roared at Vash when it was forced to smash through a group of trees.
“I hope you get splinters!” Vash called back at the beast. “And if you do catch me, I hope my bullets give you lead poisoning!”
The eyes of Mr. Fluffles glowed eerily bright in the dark forest when it glared back at Vash as an answer to his taunts. Not even bothering to roar when it jumped over a boulder and slammed against a tree. The two continued their chase through the forest, eventually coming up to a path. Vash decided to throw caution to the wind and pulled at whatever dregs of adrenaline he had to make it onto the path.
The second his foot touched the dirt pathway he shifted direction and shot down the path like a bat of out hell. Vash didn’t know what had happened, but didn’t bother to question his bit of fortune as he continued forward. He didn’t know how long that fortune would last though, Mr. Fluffles was nowhere in sight.
Vash gulped and he shifted his eyes around, looking for the beast.
‘I do not like this,’ he thought, slowing down slightly to conserve energy. ‘How can something that big be able to hide?’
He didn’t have to wait long for the ‘kitten’ to reveal himself once more. Glowing eyes and a roar from the edge of the treeline to his right was all the warning he got. Mr. Fluffles smashed through the trees, bear paws outstretched and jaw open.
“Screw it, Yolo!” Vash shouted as he charged Mr. Fluffles and vaulted off of the beast’s outstretched paws and onto it’s back. Vash ran down the thing’s back and hoped that he would be able to dodge its tail if the thing decided to use it.
Mr. Fluffles was surprised by Vash’s unexpected agility. His tail indeed lashing out in reflex, Vash, thanks to the luck of the gods, barely dodged it’s poisonous stinger. He rolled on the ground upon landing and continued his dash. The beast behind him skidded to a halt, kicking up dirt, and renewed its chase on Vash.
“Oh come on!” Vash cried. “Can’t you go and bother somebody else? Aren’t you bored of chasing me yet?”
He roared and shook his head no.
“And this is why I’ve always been a dog person!” Vash cried as he barreled through the forest.
Mr. Fluffles roared again, taking exception to that. The forest seemed to be getting brighter, the chaser and chasee were getting close to the edge of the forest.
“Yes!” Vash beamed as he attempted to speed up. “Please let there be somepony on the other side that can help me!” Vash boomed, tears of joy streaming down his face.
The two burst out of the forest in a blaze of leaves and dirt. A crying Vash and a roaring beast mixture were suddenly hit by the blinding light of the sun. A picturesque moment, and one hell of a surprise for a yellow, pink maned, pegasus minding her own business.
“Eep! What is going on?!” She softly yelled.
“Help me!” Vash sobbed. “Mr. Fluffles is trying to kill me!”
Fluttershy narrowed her eyes and flew in front of Mr. Fluffles, “Now you listen here mister! You are bigger and stronger than him! You shouldn’t pick on and bully others! That is simply not nice!” She simply flapped in place and glared into Mr. Fluffles’s glowing eyes. The chase was stopped for the moment as the two stared at each other. Vash took that as his chance to fall to the ground catching his breath. His limbs spasmed slightly as he did so.
He watched as the brave pegasus gave the abomination a tongue thrashing of a lifetime. Her glare was a sight to behold as she stood her ground against the mix match of creatures that was Mr. Fluffles. He didn’t get to rest for long though, but he was glad for any at this point. The beast simply placed a paw on the pegasus and gently pushed her away.
She eeped, clearly not expecting that. Mr. Fluffles returned his gaze on Vash, licking his lips.
“Hey Mr Fluffles. You don’t really wanna eat me, do ya?” Vash asked with a nervous chuckle as he stood up slowly. “I mean, look at me, and look at you. Would I even make a good snack for you?”
Mr. Fluffles shook his head no. Still grinning, showing off his sharp teeth.
“Uh, that’s not all, one of my limbs isn’t even real,” Vash continued pulling off a glove and showing his metal arm. “See, you wouldn’t want to get bits and pieces of this stuck in your teeth, would you?”
Mr. Fluffles rolled his nonexistent eyes and mimed ripping off Vash’s arm, and throwing it away.
“Uh… Look, it’s Sheogorath!” Vash yelled, pointing behind Mr. Fluffles.
The beast narrowed his eyes, as if debating whether it was wise or not to potentially ignore its lord and master. Finally it decided that the risk wasn’t worth it and gave a quick over the shoulder. This was all the distraction Vash needed and he took off screaming again.
“Run little pony!” Vash screamed. “Mr. Fluffles is an unstoppable killing machine! All he knows is hatred and death!”
The pony was frozen in fear now, but Mr. Fluffles ignored the easy meal and ran off to continue its chase on Vash. Hatred in its eyes as it roared at Vash. Vash did his best to speed through the town, shouting for others to get out of the way as he went. Vash sobbed as bits and pieces of his life flashed before his eyes.
“Damn you Sheogorath! I swear when this is over I’m going to shove my Angel Arm straight down your cheese-hole!” Vash roared.
It was a good thing the ponies in town were smart enough to get off the street the two were running down. Vash passed by the mint green unicorn from before, she was staring in awe at Mr. Fluffles as the two ran by her.
“Screw you, your god is a lie!” Vash called back to her.
“Would you say that to his face?!” She called back before he didn’t have the chance to hear as she watched the two slowly begin to fade from sight.
‘I’d say there’s about a 50/50 shot of that at this point,’ Vash thought in response as he came to the edge of the town. Vash’s mind rushed as he considered his options. ‘Wait a second, Mr. Fluffles is part cat. If I can trick him into that lake, he may not be able to swim!’ Vash thought as he pushed his tiring limbs well beyond their limits as he dashed towards his faint glimmer of hope.
They finally managed to get out of town and were dashing through the small stretch of land that separated the military base from Ponyville. That stretch of land was barren of any ponies so Vash only had to think about running and nothing else. About a minute of running led him to see the lake ahead, and the island with a three faced portal gate in the middle of it.
‘Oh please let that thing lead to Sheogorath’s place!’ Vash cried in his thoughts as he dove for the lake waters.
Vash quickly swam for all he was worth to the island, he reached its shores and pulled himself on its beach. Gasping for air he looked across the lake and spied Mr. Fluffles standing at the edge of the lake giving Vash the stink eye.
“Yeah, take that Mr. Fluffles!” Vash gloated, flipping off the beast with both hands. “What’s wrong? Kitty doesn’t like a little water?” Vash asked before bursting out in a desperate fit of laughter. “Whoo, yes! I am the man!”
The beast growled, it could still be heard even across the lake. But it stopped its growling and smirked at Vash. Dramatically it turned around and walked away from the edge of the lake, looking over its shoulder it huffed in amusement at Vash. Vash stopped laughing and gulped loudly, “What are you thinking Mr. Fluffles?”
He stopped a good distance away, still smirking at Vash. It slowly turned back around, looked Vash in the eye, and pawed the ground.
“Oh shit, don’t you do it Mr. Fluffles!” Vash cried, waving his hands frantically in front of him.
Mr. Fluffles nodded, pawing the ground once more.
“Don’t you do it!” Vash bellowed, louder this time.
Mr. Fluffles roared and charged down to the lakes edge as fast as it could. Once it reached the edge it leapt for all it was worth, taking itself high into the air on a straight course for the island Vash was standing on.
“Fuck. My. Life!” Vash swore as he backed away closer to the portal.
Mr. Fluffles slammed into the ground in front of Vash. The portal was behind him, and the beast in front. Vash desperately tried to think of a way to deal with this situation. The only thing that came to him was stupid and highly unlikely to work.
“Alright, let’s finish this Mr. Fluffles,” Vash taunted, eyes narrowed at the beast. “Come and get me you dumb animal!”
The beast roared at Vash and leapt at him, successfully taunted. Vash seemed to stand his ground but just when Mr Fluffles’s claws were inches away from him he dove to the ground. Allowing Mr. Fluffles to sail through the air and into the portal. Vash leapt onto his feet and raised his arms to the sky. “Yes!” he cheered. “I get to live another day!” He then turned back to the portal and sighed. “Now I just have to go back to Sheogorath.” He then stepped through the portal and prepared for the worst.
The moment he stepped through he was greeted with the sight of the Fringe. But he didn’t get to enjoy it for long, a paw slammed next to him and a loud growl was heard in his ear. He slowly turned his head and saw Mr. Fluffles directly in his face.
“Mother,” Vash squeaked as he quaked in his boots and prepared for death’s cold embrace.
It never came.
“MR. FLUFFLES!!!! HERE KITTY KITTY KITTY!!! ” Boomed a thunderous voice across the realm, shaking the ground. Mr. Fluffles froze, his eyes dimming then just as quickly sparked back to life with a much greater energy in them. He immediately turned in the direction of the gate that could be seen from here and leapt to it.
“Sheogorath, is that you!?” Vash roared.
Vash felt the same push he felt when Sheogorath first pushed him out of his realm. A portal appeared in front of him but he could not see through it, he could do nothing to stop from being sucked in. “Ahhh!” Vash screamed as he felt like he was being stretched.
He fell through the portal and back onto solid ground. Right back where he started, at the base of the staircase of Sheogorath’s throne. None the worse for wear. He heard clapping coming from above him.
“Good show! Good show! I haven’t had this much fun in centuries!” The mad god cackled.
“Well at least one of us had fun,” Vash groaned.
“You bet I did! It’s been so boring here! Sometimes I love to be around mortals, they are endless entertainment! And sometimes I hate them. But it’s all in good fun!” Sheogorath said.
“Why do you keep saying mortals like that?” Vash questioned. “Weren’t you human at one point?”
The mad god eyed Vash, “Aye! I was , but that was millennia ago. I hardly remember anything about it. Just something like Hallogreen as my final memory of it. I’ve come to think of us Daedra as far superior to normal mortals, mostly because we can’t truly die.”
“Don’t you mean Halloween?” Vash asked, starting to feel a bit sorry for Sheogorath.
“Did I? Well it matters not! I’ve grown to my new station now, a mortal mind can not be in the body of a Daedric Prince for long after all.”
“Oh… okay. So, do you know about Displaced yet, or am I the first one you’ve come across?”
Sheogorath rose an eyebrow, “Displaced? Oh, laddie you just piqued my interest. What is that? I hope it’s something interesting, I don’t like gettin’ my hopes up.”
“Well, to put it simply, you, me and countless others got transported to different versions of Equestria. Each of us gaining abilities or having our form changed. I wasn’t always Vash the Stampede. Each of us has a token that we use to call on each other whenever we want. Mine was the bullet that you picked up.”
He shrugged, “Eh, more like it fell into my palm laddie. So, you’re saying there are countless others across this vast multiverse of ours? Just waiting to be picked clean of entertainment!”
“Uhh yeah,” Vash answered hesitantly. “I’m actually good friends with a few of them.”
“Interesting. So, what can I do to get meself a token of my own? I see a marvelous way to relieve my eternal boredom!” He leaned forward, staring at Vash.
“Basically, you just pick an item that represents you, concentrate on it, create a message, and toss it into the Void,” Vash explained.
Sheogorath rubbed his chin, a mad delight shining in his eyes. He got up from his throne and held a hand out, palm up. A flash of purple energy burst from his hand and a staff with three screaming faces on its tip appeared. “I think the Wabbajack is a perfect choice don’t you agree laddie?”
“Whatever you say oh lord of madness,” Vash agreed with a dramatic bow.
Sheogorath concentrated on the staff and said a message, “To those little mortals called Displaced! I am the Prince of Madness! Sheogorath! And I have cheese for everyone!!! Hahahaaa!!! Call my name if you got something entertaining. If not, I’ll rip your heart out and eat it! Tastes divine with a sweetroll!”
Sheogorath waved the Wabbajack and a rip in the realms of Oblivion appeared, exposing the void for all its worth. He under tossed the staff and it whirled into the portal. Once the portal closed he looked at Vash.
“Ah, your Wabbajack is in the mail laddie. Should be arriving in 3, 2, 1…” A portal opened behind Vash and the staff smacked him upside the head.
“Damn it!” Vash cried as he bent and picked up the Wabbajack. “Why does this always happen to me?!”
Sheogorath cackled, “Aye! I could get used to a sight like that! If you ever get smacked in the head again call me! We’ll do lunch and I’ll watch it happen over and over!”
“I’ll keep that in mind, and the next time you call me, please don’t ask me to retrieve any of your pets.”
“No promises! Now, how do I kick ya out of my realm and back in yours?” He questioned.
“Just say, Vash our contract is complete. And I’ll be out of your hair until I call you or vice versa.”
“Vash, our contract is complete. Do come back now ya hear, we can do the fishstick together. And dine on cheese! Cheese!” Sheogorath said, widening his arms to the side.
A swirling green portal opened up behind Vash and he turned to walk into it. “I’ll keep that in mind. Try to keep yourself entertained until we meet again.”
Sheogorath sat back down in his throne, “Yes, yes. Now get out of here! Unless ya don’t want yer legs?”
“Fine, I’m gone ya chaotic goat!” Vash called out, flipping Sheogorath off as he disappeared into the portal. Sheogorath laughed at his audacity, his mad cackle following him.
The portal closed behind Vash and the room was silent. Sheogorath turned to Jeeves, “See my old friend? Entertainment! Endless entertainment!” He looked forward, leaning forward on his cane, “I wonder what will happen next Jeeves? The mortals in the next realm over doing something fun, or another ‘Displaced’ dropping in?”
“Who knows sir? I suggest we simply wait and see.” Jeeves said with a slight bow of his head. After saying his piece he remained silent as he did his duties for the mad god.
Sheogorath grinned, “Oh, such fun! Much fun! Now… send in entertainment!” Sheogorath shouted, Jeeves nodded an affirmative and silently walked off.
