The date was February 1, four years to the day I was sent to Equestria under mysterious and still unsolved circumstances, and one year to the day I returned to Earth.
Since my return, I had spent nearly all of my time searching for leads, clues, answers, ANYTHING that would explain why I had to be put through the trials I had to endure. I found nothing. As such, I found it fitting to mark this day as a personal holiday of sorts for me, to just stop and think. I was currently sitting in a chair sipping coffee, looking out the window of my lofty apartment with a distant look as the morning sun rose over the skyscrapers of Manhattan. I would like to mention that my misadventures in Equestria had made me stinking rich, and I had brought most of my treasures home with me. I was probably the richest man on the planet, but I made it a point to not flaunt my wealth and at least put on a facade of normalcy.
I bet you all consider me a right piece of shit right now, eh? Here I am, having had a grand adventure in Equestria, in possession of wealth beyond Bill Gate's wildest dreams, and currently living a life of luxury, and I'm acting all sad and mopey. Well, I suppose you'd be right, if I was some common garden variety of Gary Stu or Mary Sue, or if I actually had a good time in Equestria.
Three years had passed in the real world during my absence. But when I returned, I was over three thousand years old, and I looked like I hadn't aged a day. I was an old man in a young man's body, experienced, bitter, and miserable.
... I used to consider myself a decent enough person. I treated everyone nicely, I followed the law not out of any sense of fear or loyalty but for the sake of common sense, and I made it a point to just not spread misery to other people. I did a lot of bad things during my time in Equestria. At first it was out of apathy, I did not take it seriously at first so I treated it all like a play. I was the villain, so I set pawns up so they could be killed off awesomely or tragically, all just to make me look epic.
I was defeated three times, and I was returned to Earth, none the worse for wear and filthy rich too. Of course I had to deal with a few problems like tax dodging, overdue bills and other stupid government shit, but you would be amazed how bribing an underpaid employee or two with a few million dollars can help speed the process along.
And then there was the whole deal about reconnecting with family! I made up a story about how I was kidnapped by pirates and spent the next few years fighting terrorists and mercenaries while trying to get back home. They ate the story up, and after a week-long Welcome Back Party they agreed to give me some space to 'recover and readjust'. Well, that part was true at the least. I don't know how often this is addressed for other people like me, but, after three thousand years of magic and adventure, it's hard fitting back in with normal society. I'm fairly certain that I wouldn't hold down a job if I had to work.
Holy shit, did you actually sit through all of that? My apologies, I think we've seen enough of what happened after, and should take a quick look at what happened shortly before.
I've just realized, I never told you my name. My name... my real name does not matter anymore. I still use it when I go among other people, but in truth I lost the right to it a long time ago. I should also probably describe my physical appearance. Before going to Equestria I was a man in his late twenties, slim but very much in shape, and fair of face. I still look like this, but I'm a helluva lot older now.
Right, right, sorry. Moving on.
Our story begins with me on the Brooklyn Bridge. Then I jumped off it. The End. Roll credits.
Nah just kidding that's not the end, ha ha! No but seriously I did die, or at least I think I did, because next thing I know I'm standing in Who-The-Fuck-Knows-Where and blinded by some bright light.
Hello
"Who's there?" I called out with one arm covering my eyes. "Where am I? Am I dead?"
Who I am is irrelevant. And no, you are not dead. Rather, you are being given a second chance
"I just offed myself. What the hell makes you think I want another go at life?"
Because you feel uncertain about your decision, don't you? There is a little spark of regret inside you
I did not confirm or deny.
Had I not stopped you before you completely moved on to the afterlife, that regret would have grown to the point that it would have become unbearable. Practically Hell
"What makes you so sure?"
Many have chosen the same path as you. You are simply the first I have stopped
"Why? Why help me? What's your motive?"
Half the reason is to see if a mortal can succeed at my challenge. The other half is for my own amusement, honestly
I frowned. "Well, at least you're honest."
Thank you
"I don't even care at this point. Alright, what's your game? Tell me the rules."
So you will do it
"I did not accept or deny yet."
Clever. Very well. First, you must answer some questions. There are no right or wrong answers
"Ask away."
What do you think of the cartoon My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic
I paused, not expecting that. "My Little Pony?"
Friendship Is Magic. Yes, that show. What is your stance on it
"Well, I didn't watch it or particularly care for it, but it was harmless enough so I never felt the need to hate on it."
So you are neutral
"Yeah, you could say that."
And how much do you know of the historical events and characters within the show
I rubbed the back of my neck. "I, um, I actually know a lot about that."
Really now
"Yeah, one night I decided to do some research on the show. I figured if I should judge it I should at least know what it's about. I started reading timelines, wikis, and watching YouTube clips. It was a cute little fantasy with some amusing plots, but nothing that I would bother investing lots of time in. I moved on."
Perfect
"Huh?"
You are a perfect candidate
"What the hell for?"
I want you to be the villain
"...Uh... excuse me?"
I want to send you into the world of My Little Pony, and play the part of the villain
"...You want me to be a villain."
No! I want you to be THE villain! The Knight or Cerebus. The Hero Killer. The Bigger Bad of the history of that world
"...Are you fucking serious?"
Completely
"Why? What's the point?"
The inhabitants of that world, especially the ponies, have a very low bar set for what makes a villain, and they think they can face their opponents so simply and easily. Have you ever read pony fan fiction
"Um... no?"
Let me tell you about it. The fans of My Little Pony, the bronies, are a very insecure lot. They know that their favorite characters, the ponies, would be easily defeated by almost every other fictional character, and that they would be extinct within a year if they ever came to the real world. So you wanna know how they cope with this unfortunate but real fact? They write fan fiction. They depict the ponies, especially the alicorns, as insanely powerful and super badass. Like, strong enough that they can put up a fight against characters like the Daleks or Megatron. I once even read a story where the ponies defeated fucking Nyarlathotep of all villains
I raised an eyebrow at this out of nowhere rant. "Really now?"
Yes. Sometimes the fans will even depict the ponies as Gods, with a capital G. A popular theme is to make the alicorns the Creators of their world. All of this is simply fan-made, ha ha. It's not true. In the actual Canon, the ponies certainly are strong, but they are nowhere near as great as the fan fiction would make you believe. That is a fact
"The fuck does this have to do with anything?"
It has to do with everything! The ponies have faced many villains, but they have never suffered any true drama that mattered. I want you to be the villain that changes that. I want you to show the ponies that believing in friendship and harmony does not mean they will always get a happy ending. I want you to test them
"Oh so what you want me to just stomp in and ruin their lives just because you think they're a little too happy? How about I pick a fight with the Teletubbies, or go kick Barney the Dinosaur's ass while I'm at it? It's a show for little girls don't take it so damn seriously!"
Any other reasons why you don't want to do this
"Yeah, it's a major dick move! You can't make me ruin people's lives!"
They are not people. They are not real
"You claim you can send me to their world. Would I not be able to interact with them?"
And I suppose that would make them real? They are fictional. They are constructs created and manipulated for the sake of telling a story. They don't actually think and feel. They do not exist. Their lives are literally worth less than zero
"Tch. Even if I did accept your offer, what would it change?"
Nothing, I admit. This is little more than an experiment. I just want to see the results
"So I'm just a lab rat being set loose into a maze."
I was thinking more along the lines of a fox in a chicken coop
"Fuck you."
Hey now, no need to be rude
"You still haven't convinced me why I should say yes."
Well for starters you will come to appreciate life once more. Ah ah ah, don't bother arguing. You will eventually see the joy of life again. Another reason is, quite frankly, power
"Power?"
Oh yes, great power. God level. Nigh invulnerability. Well, almost. The Elements of Harmony would still be able to stop you, but that's a contractual obligation for any villain in My Little Pony
I stayed silent, considering my options. Whoever was speaking to me noticed.
The way I see it, you can either move on and spend the rest of eternity with regret, or, you can go to Equestria, and then go back to Earth
"...If I say yes, would you send me straight into the cartoon or what?"
Oh heavens no. The universe I would send you to is nothing more than one of the many thousands of expendable alternate universes used for fan fiction. It is located near the canon universe, so it is almost identical
"What do you mean?"
The canon universe, the real Friendship Is Magic universe, is untouchable. No matter how much the author of a fan fiction insists that their characters have traveled from an alternate universe to the canon universe, they simply have not. Whenever a fan fiction claims that it is set in the canon universe, it is merely actually set in a shallow imitation. The same can be said for any stories that claim they are set in the "real world". Ha, as if
"I'm confused."
Think of the Pony Multiverse like this: in the center is the canon universe. Then we have the worlds set in the Inner Layer, which is set closest to the canon universe. These worlds are typically identical to the canon universe, but have more mature themes and usually have their own histories. Then we have the Middle Layer, which contains worlds that are clear cut alternate universes, but they still bear a fair resemblance to the canon universe. Then we have the Outer Layer, which contains grimdark and trash worlds that are completely out of touch with the canon universe
"So... you would send me to an Inner Layer world."
For the most accurate results, of course
"Joy."
Well then? What will it be. Do you accept
............. Fuck it, I'll go for it. ~~Yolo~~ Yolt.
"I accept."
Splendid! Let's get right to it
A portal the size and shape of a doorway appeared to my right. I could see a snowy, windy blizzard on the other side. I hesitated. "Do you want me to... go into that?"
Yes. That is Equestria
I stepped towards the portal. I stopped right in front of it, stared into it for a few seconds, and finally went through. The wind immediately buffeted me and the snow obscured my vision. I held my right arm up to block the snow from getting into my eyes, when I saw that my arm was now covered in black armor. "What the?!"
Well you wouldn't cause much terror if I left you in your true form
I turned around to see a solid ball of light the size of a basketball floating chest level to me in midair just ten feet away. The portal was also gone, and the immediate radius seemed to have suddenly spawned a domed force field, because the wind and snow was now going around us.
After taking in the scene my eyes zeroed in on the ball of light. "What did you do to me."
I just made some adjustments, is all. Take a look
A full sized mirror materialized before me. I stared at my reflection. I... I looked like a stereotypical Dark Lord character. Scary black spiky armor, helmet with a crown of horns, a billowing cape. Imagine Sauron from the Lord of the Rings movies, but maybe a little more broad around the shoulders. Also my eyes were completely blank white. I facepalmed.
Well do you like it
"NO!" I grabbed my helmet. "How the hell do I take this off?!"
You can't
"What?"
It's a part of your body now
My heart rate sky rocketed.
Don't panic! There is a way to take it off. Just use your shape shifting powers
"How is that supposed to help?!"
Remember how your true form is just an ordinary human? Well, until you return to Earth, this is your new true form
The ball of light sharply rose twenty feet into the air as I lunged forward with my clawed hands.
Easy now! Allow me to explain. You have three base forms. First there is your True Form, which is as you are now. Then there is your Alicorn Form, which will be your primary disguise. Then there is your Intermediate Form, which is basically your alicorn form but with the armor of your true form. Do you understand
I glared, but I also nodded. "Yes."
To change your form, simply will it
I wanted to actually be able to breathe, so I thought about my so called "alicorn form". Shadows wrapped around me and I was now an all black alicorn. "Oh my god. You've turned me into a walking stereotype."
Yep
I changed into my intermediate form. The only difference now was that I was wearing my cliched dark lord armor on my alicorn form. I tried pulling my helmet off again. It didn't come off. For the sake of actually having a normal moving face, I downgraded into my alicorn form. "Are there any limitations I should be aware of?"
You cannot take the form of others. You can only pose as original characters
"So... I can't mimic anyone I could actually meet, but I can take the form of somebody of my own creation?"
Precisely
I imagined a generic unicorn stallion with a blue coat and a brown mane. One transformation later I was now that pony. I looked at my reflection in the mirror. "Well then." I shifted back into my alicorn form. I looked around. "Where the hell are we anyway?"
About a hundred miles north of Equestria
"WHAT?!"
Actually that's a lie. Equestria won't be founded until a decade later
I did a double facepalm. "Why. Just... just why."
Well I figured you should start before the beginning
"Why did you not simply drop me off during the time of the show? You know, when the actual characters will be around?"
No! I want you to be around from the very beginning. This is vital. And besides, this is an alternate universe. It already has a fully established history, unlike the canon universe. All you have to do is adapt
"But what if I make too many changes? What if I screw the whole timeline up?"
Certain characters have plot armor, and the timeline will simply work around any changes you have made that are too big to be ignored, thus preserving the status quo
I rolled my eyes. "Of course."
However, once you reach the present era, and move on into the future, all bets are off
"Oh?"
While you have limited control of this world's past, you have full control of its future. How long you stick around afterwards depends on your actions
"Well, okay then..."
What's the matter
"Were you absolutely honest when you said they weren't real? That anything or anyone I kill isn't actually real. Are you being completely honest with me?"
Oh so NOW you second guess me. I show you all this cool shit and you think I'm lying to you? I've been honest with you this whole time. I have nothing to gain from lying to you. Trust me
I looked to the ground and shifted my eyes, uncertain.
You know, if you still have second thoughts, you can back out now
I looked up. "I can?"
Yes, of course you can! It's not like I'm making you do this. All I'm doing is giving you an offer. And besides, either choice ends with you winning. If you refuse, you get to move on to the afterlife. If you accept, you get to go on a magical adventure and spend a few more decades in the real world afterwords. And then you'll die again and go to the afterlife for real. So, what will it be? No take backs after this
I almost refused. Instead I hesitated, and I accepted his deal. "I'll still do it."
Excellent choice, boy. Now listen, this is also important. You're just a couple miles west from the pony settlements. For the next ten years I want you to use them as practice for your powers. Haunt them as a bogeyman, as a primal fear. Mess around with their societies until the Windigos come around to kick off Hearth's Warming Eve
"I assume I should follow them to Equestria?"
Yes, yes. But however you want to handle that is up to you in the future, not me. Well, I suppose I should be going now
"Wait."
What is it
"I want to know your name. I don't care if you think it's unimportant, I want to know. Tell me now."
The ball of light was silent for a moment.
You may refer to me as... Herald
"I assume that's just a title, not your real name."
Correct. Speaking of names and titles, you yourself will have to think up of a new name soon. I doubt the ponies would find your real name threatening
"All in due time, Herald."
Goodbye
He vanished, just like that. The light, the mirror, the dome shield, it was all gone in a second. Leaving only me in the middle of a snow storm. I just stood there for a few minutes, contemplating the fact that I was actually going to go through with this. The only sound besides the howl of the wind was my billowing cape.
I took the form of a winged shadow and shot straight up. I continued flying upwards until I was above the clouds and out of the storm. It was night, so I scanned the stars above for what I could assume would be the North Star's counterpart in this world. I found it, and headed due west.
And so begins my three thousand year long adventure. Gah.
Author's Note
I don't intend to drag this story out any longer than it needs to be. At the most this will get ten chapters.
My intention behind this story is to deconsruct the idea of Displaced stories, and to show just how utterly screwed the ponies would be if they faced a villain who played by real world rules. I actually wrote a story similar to this last year: "Every Displaced Fic Ever". But that was a one-shot parody that simply poked fun of the sub-genre and hung lampshades all over the place. This story, however, will be the opposite and show just how horrible it would actually be.
I should probably mention that I suck at writing tragedy. I'm just afraid that if I try going for a completely dead serious story, the end result will be a mix of purple prose, angst and narm. So even though there is a Tragedy tag on this story (that it rightly deserves) expect some comedy here and there.
