The Conversion Bureau: Instincts

'Dear Princess Celestia,

Whilst studying human history, I have come to notice that their past is full of violence. Did you know that they had two World Wars, the resulting deaths totalling to around 80 million deaths between them?!

They had even more wars before and after as well, not any as major as the World Wars, but still, horrid warfare all the time. Terrorism and such.

Are you sure we can trust our new Human allies, because I'm not so sure we can trust a species with such a violent past…’

Excerpt from Twilight Sparkle’s second letter to Princess Celestia after arriving on Earth.

“ANFO,” David said.

“You what?” Freya asked,

“ANFO.” David repeated, “it stands for ammonium nitrate fuel oil. Fertiliser and diesel basically.”

“I remember dad making bombs out of petrol and fertiliser, now that you mention it,” I  said, “I just regret not asking him how.”

“Well it's not as hard as you would think. We need some plain detonators, the ANFO itself and a container to put it it, you see it doesn’t need oxygen to use it. You know about Texas Harbour?” David patiently explained,

“Well, no,” Harry said,

“Back in 1947, the was a ship full of ammonium nitrate and tobacco, some bloke dropped a fag and the whole thing caught alight. The crew tried to fight it by sealing the containers to restrict the oxygen but they didn't know that it didn't need oxygen so the whole thing blew, killing over 500 people. We can replicate that in a Bureau, if we could just get inside.” David explained to us all.

“What Rodd said, about Celestia coming here next, we need to get out of this area of England fast,” Jack said, “perhaps we could find another resistance group,”

“Yeah, like Rodd said, those people who tried to be heroes. What if there are others?” Harry asked, he sounded interested now,

“There's got to be,” I said, “but we need to get out anyway. If Rodd has reliable sources, then we need to be long gone by the week’s end.” Today is Tuesday.

“Agreed,” David said, “I suppose we should get a move on then,”

David was the only one keen on leaving so soon, the rest of us were brought up in this country, and to leave it would be like disconnecting part of my soul. David was a townie, as we called them. He lived in Grantham. He didn't have the same connection to the country as we did.

“Who’s up for lamb tonight?” I asked. We rarely made fires at night as passing pegasi would spot us from miles away. But tonight, as our last night in the village, we needed a good meal, and we’d been preparing some sheep for a while now to eat.

Harry and I went to kill the sheep. I don't see why people say that people who just follow others are sheep. Sheep are not like that at all, they never do what you want and always wonder off on their own. I'm rambling aren't I?

Oh well. I can't help it if I like sheep.

We roughly butchered the lamb and lit a fire. David was on watch and Freya didn't really enjoy the bloody sight of Harry, Jack and I making her food. She could gun down other living, intelligent beings but couldn't stomach cooking. I guess it just shows what one can do in hot and cold blood.

After the lamb was ready we took some to David, who was still on sentry, and ate away from him to not distract him.

“This is nice,” Jack said, “I mean, it would be if the ponies weren't here trying to ponify us,”

“Mmhmm,” Freya agreed, “why did they even attack us?”

“Something about humans being too violent even though there were pony extremists as well, like the Harmony Today group,” I said,

Harmony Today was a pony group that despised humans, they believed us to be unpure and unnatural as we don't have magic. Celestia claimed she was opposing them, but with war declared a few months later, it's hard to believe she was.

I turned on the radio, seeing if I could pick anything up. I did,

“-tay hidden, ponies are systematically wiping out each town then moving on. The American Government has fallen, the Pentagon was attacked and overrun yesterday. The Royal Family was last heard from in New Scotland. We assume that they are still alive. North Korea still hasn't sent any sort of communication to anyone, even in the end times. This is your evening news  broadcast. Over and out.”

“Everyone, get some paper and write down what you heard, we’ll compare what we get,” Harry said.

Our versions were surprisingly different but still contained the basic idea. We were discussing it, America, North Korea, the Royal Family when David rushed over to us and said,

“Pegasi! Royal Guards I think. Armed with Potion!”

My eyes widened and I hissed at everyone,

“Split up, when they land, encircle them. I'm using the 3 round burst rifle.”

They complied and each grabbed a weapon. I slipped behind the trough for feeding the sheep and looked around for the others. I couldn't see them, good enough for me.

The pegasi landed by our fire and sniffed the lamb remains,

“Killed recently, humans are here,” the one, the leader I think, said. “Potion Launchers out, boys,”

Potion Launchers, that’s new.

I thought. Suddenly someone hollered out an unearthly shriek. An awful sound. Enough to churn fear in the ponies, that was for sure. It scared me for sure. When the ponies were looking away, Freya slid behind, next to me.

“It's Jack,” she was referring to the noise.

“Bloody Jack,” I gritted my teeth, “he thinks it's a game!”

“He scared them though,” Freya grinned at me, teeth glinting.

“True, anything that peeves them assholes is a small victory for us,” I said.

Unluckily for us, David, Harry and Jack were nowhere to be found, and one of the ponies was a bit too interested in the trough were Freya and I were hiding. The pony saw us before we noticed him. He yelled,

“Get up, humans!”

Freya and I had no choice, she had left her rifle at her previous hiding spot so she could move quicker and I threw mine forward as I dived so it was out of reach.

“I could ponify you here, now.” The pony said, “but that would be a more painful way, it's much more comfortable to have it done in a Bureau, where you invest it, not get it on your bare skin,”

“Go to hell,” I said. The pony chuckled,

“By week's end, you’ll be calling it Tartarus”