Hypothetically Speaking...

by Feast

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Comedy
Length: 1328

Hypothetically speaking... What if I told you Luna is dead...?

"Hypothetically speaking... What if I told you Luna is dead...?"

Let's say for a moment that Luna maybe died on the moon... Hypothetically.

Published 2015-11-06 23:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2017-01-03 07:17:24 UTC

I mean...

Princess Celestia was causally sipping her oolong tea in the Royal Oolong Tea-Sipping Room. You may say that the title of the Royal Oolong Tea-Sipping Rom is rather lengthy and... Well... Quite stupid. I can see where you're coming from. A normal home, whether it be a house, a castle, or anything of the sort, would have normal names for normal rooms. Take, for example, the normal room in which you normally dine. You obviously call this room the Dinning Room. Normal, yes?

Princess Celestia's castle was not normal.

I'm just gonna put it bluntly: The whole thing is pretty much just a big fucking mess.

Nopony knows why, but Princess Celestia has a room for the most specific things. Royal Breakfast Dinning Hall, Royal Lunch Dinning Hall, Royal Dinner Dinning Hall, Royal Guest Bedroom For Guests Who Brought Other Guests, Royal Spooning Room (Don't ask), Royal Arts And Crafts Sunday Room.

Fucking Arts and Crafts.

As a result of Celestia's oddly specifically named rooms, her castle has an infinite amount of rooms condensed into a finite amount of space. This obviously makes Royal Guard routes a pain in the ass, and navigating through the house on your own an even bigger pain. Not to mention, every single room name begins with "Royal" just in case you forgot you were in a fucking castle... PFFF, as if the crystal floor, guards, and numerous expensive decorations weren't enough....

There is, however, one room that doesn't have a lengthy name and doesn't begin with "Royal." That is, of course.

Shudder.

The Birdwatching Room...

Whew.

That was awful.

The things I do for you people...

Anyways, I'm getting side-tracked. Where were we? Ah, yes, Princess Celestia and her oolong tea in her Royal Oolong Tea-Sipping Room. Let's get back to that shall we?

Princess Celestia was causally sipping her oolong tea in the Royal Oolong Tea-Sipping Room. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and the ponies of Canterlot bustled about the busy streets. Celestia could see it all from her window in the Royal Oolong Tea-Sipping Room. It was days like these she enjoyed greatly, for her duties as a princess were rather lengthy (Like the name of the Royal Oolong Tea-Sipping Room) and she never had much time to just sit back, relax, and enjoy her view out the window of the Royal Oolong Tea-Sipping Room. Celestia took another sip of her tea in the Royal Oolong Tea Sipping Room.

She did not enjoy it for long.

Or should I say....

Oo-Long?

"Ahem."

Princess Celestia looked up to see her sister Luna in the doorway. She looked a little nervous and, though she likely wouldn't have admitted it, was shaking like a foal in a blizzard. She rubbed her hooves together unaturally as she swayed a little from side to side. She was sweating from her head to her toe- I mean... Hooves. She had carried the stench of awkwardness into the room and wasn't fooling anypony. Through the foggy steam that was her nervousness, Celestia could just make out Luna slowly opening her mouth to say, "H-hello, sister."

"Why hello, Luna. What brings you here today?" Celestia returned with a smile.

"O-oh. Not much..."

Silence.

Now I wasn't there, but I swear if I was, I could have just felt the awkwardness.

"You seem r-rather in-character today, Tia..." Luna began. "Have you done something with your script?"

Oh lord, there goes the fourth wall. Excuse me for a moment as I fix this...

"No, I haven't. Why would you ask?" Said somepony... I'm not really looking right now... Damn wall.

Someone sighed... I think... And then said quietly, "Because that's about to change in a moment..."

Uh, the other pony couldn't hear her and just dimissed it I guess...

Somepony... Celestia? Took a sip of their beverage... Oh! Tea! Yes, of course. Celestia took a sip of her tea. Wow. A long one. It would be a shame if something were to happen right now as all of that tea is in her mouth.

...

I said... It would be a shame if something were to happen right now as all of that tea is in her mouth.

"Hypothetically speaking... What if I told you that I'm dead?" Said Luna.

Celestia spit out her tea. "WHAT?!"

Luna backed up, scared of her sister's reaction.

Celestia, now covered in oolong tea, was shocked. Her and Luna never talked about her punishment that had been recieved many moons ago. It had always been such a touchy topic for her. So why would Luna suddenly bring it up again like it was nothing? This was very strange of her, even...

Out of character...

I can't have this! Bronies hate OOC stories! This is terrible! Terrible! ~~I swear, you Bronies are going to be the death of me! Why did I join this fandom? Why?! It's caused me nothing but pain and suffering! If I write a story that I'm proud of, you guys always have to come and ruin the fun for me! It's just not fair! I hate you! I hate this fandom! I hate everything! Aughhhh!~~

Celestia, now suspicious of Luna's behavior, stared at her sister for a moment before finally deciding to speak up. "W-why?"

Luna gave a nervous smile and looked away. "I mean, like, what if I did... Hypothetically, of course?"

Celestia frowned. "Saying hypothetical is only going to make me even more suspicious of you than I already am, sister..."

"You're suspecting me? Of what?"

"Of being an imposter, of course!"

Luna backed away, clearly hurt. "Wha-what?"

Celestia sighed and rubbed her face with her hoof. "Why are you asking me this?"

"Well... There's no oxygen on the moon... And we aren't really immortal..." Luna said nervously.

"HA! Who told you we aren't immortal?"

"Our lord and savior."

"Oh not this again..." Celestia facehoofed. "I can't believe you follow such a religion."

"Lauren Faust was a real pony!" Luna replied.

"That still doesn't make her RIGHT."

"Prove it."

"What?"

"Prove you're immortal, Tia."

"How?"

Luna nodded her head towards the open castle window.

"No. Way." Celestia said back.

"Why not?"

"Just because I'm immortal, doesn't mean I don't feel pain." Celestia said.

Luna looked satisfied.

"Wait." She quickly realized what she said.

"So you agree that if I was on the moon, I would still be injured?"

"Y-yes, but-" Celestia stuttered.

"But I don't come back with any injuries." Luna interrupted.

"But-but-th-she-you-they...Erm..." Celestia nervously tried to reply.

"Well?"

Celestia finally sighed in defeat. "Alright. We're not immortal... I guess.."

"See?" Luna smiled.

"But that begs the question... How are you here?" Celestia asked.

"That's what I've been trying to ask you!" Luna shouted. "So, what would you do if I told you?"

"Well... I would check your body."

"On the moon?"

"No, on the sun."

Luna frowned. "Sister, this is serious."

"Alright... I would check the moon."

"But-"

"Oh... I have seemed to forgot."

"Yeah."

Celestia took a sip of her tea. "Well..." she said in thought. ""First, I'd call in the royal guard..."

The door broke down and the royal guard came rushing in.

"Then, I'd kindly ask you to leave..."

"You- you can't ask me to leave, I-I live here!" Luna shouted in dismay.

Celestia frowned. "Well, then I'd use force..."

"Wha- GAH!" Luna was swept off of the ground and lifted into the air.

Celestia causally took another sip of tea. "Nice try, Chrysalis," Celestia pointed towards the guards. "Take her away, boys."

"No! NO! TIA DON'T DO THIS! IT'S ME! IT REALLY IS ME! YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME! YOU HAVE TO B-" But before Luna could finish, the doors slammed behind her.

Celestia rotated her chair towards the window, shrugged, and took another sip of her tea.

Meanwhile in a dark alley in Canterlot, a former Queen of the Changelings disguises herself as Princess Luna and heads towards the castle.

They'll never see it coming...