Would It Matter If I Said M?

by toxiconym

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Fluttershy, Random, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1037

Fluttershy asks an online stranger a very important question.

In the wake of the internet being invented, Fluttershy asks an online stranger a difficult question after being asked her age, sex, and location.

Just another parody after ten minutes of omegle.
Don't use omegle, kids.

Published 2015-11-07 09:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-07 09:10:02 UTC

um wht

"asl,"

"Um... wht?"

"asl - age sex location,"

Fluttershy scowled.

"What? Why do you want to know that?"

"Are you gon answr or not?"

Fluttershy sighed. Usually she'd be flushing red at this point, but she's gotten used to the internet. After the changeling invasion, Equestria needed a better way to communicate with itself to prevent further disasters and to spread the knowledge of the potential danger of hidden changelings.

It took some time to get used to, but Fluttershy was sent a top-of-the-line computer, being an element of harmony and whatnot. After gentle prodding from her friends and explaining how the device worked from Twilight, Fluttershy's brand new "computer" worked like a charm. One of the first websites invented was a website where someone could talk to random strangers online about any topic. Really, you could talk about art, or your favorite movie quotes, or sports, etc. But Fluttershy hasn't seen much of that yet.

Most of the ponies who chatted with her said the same, dull thing: "Asl". It wasn't until now that Fluttershy had dared ask what that meant, scared of the embarrassment she might cause herself.

"Would it mattered if I said M?"

Fluttershy sat down and waited. Gray text appeared that the pony was typing, then stopped. About thirty seconds later, the pony started typing again.

"Wht? Did I hear u crctly"

"What? You can hear me?" Fluttershy meeped and hid behind her mane, trying to make as little sound as possible.

"Noo? I ment read.."

Fluttershy tilted her head. "What do you mean? Of course you read right, my dear,"

"Hahaha you're weird."

"Oh, um, you never answered my question..."

Twenty seconds passed.

"Oh. Um. I guess it would mattr, yeha," it replied. Fluttershy sighed, and shook her head.

"How so?"

"Wel. Um. Idk, it just wuld. So asl"

Angel Bunny scampered up to Fluttershy's lap and peered at the screen, trying to make sense of the pixelated print on the monitor. After gentle prying from Fluttershy, he hopped off her map and settled on the table.

"Um. I don't really feel comfortable answering that question... if it matters, that is,"

"Welllll. I'm just going to guess, then"

"What do you guess?"

"That ur pretty stupid"

Fluttershy gasped and reeled back at the screen. How could somepony so basely insult her like that?

"Excuse me?"

"Oh, ur a girl"

A gust of wind blew through Fluttershy's nose as she continued typing at the screen.

"Listen here, mister! Just because you say your meany mean words and try to scare me doesn't mean you can scare me into telling you anything! The IRS can lightly kick a lamp!"

Nothing. Nothing appeared on the screen for a few seconds.

"Why do you even want to know if I'm a male or female?"

"Idk. Everyone else does it"

"Ugh, mister! Look! Should it matter if I was a male or a female? I mean, there's no point! We're probably not going to meet each other, and I'm not sure I'd want to meet a meany pants like you!"

Fluttershy panted, raised hooves to attack. A line of sweat matted her yellow forehead, making it look as if she were crying. Or was she?

"Field test complete. Result: Affirmative. Conclusion: Stranger's anger rises much, much faster on the internet than in real life. So far, 98.999999999996% of ponies have tested this way. Cause: Unknown. Data sent to Lord Celestia,"

Then the went black computer shut off.

The chair rolled back as Fluttershy stood up and walked down the hallway to the door. She trotted outside, collected the mail, and set down the pebbled path to the not so humble abode of the lavender unicorn we all know and love.

As she was walking there, a certain pink friend of hers stopped her.

"Hey Fluttershy! Weren't you using that brand-spankin-new Uberchine?"

Fluttershy deadpanned. "Uberchine?"

"Yeah! It's like a macintosh, but even more just for streaming videos!"

"I'm sorry, Pinkie, but I'm not in the mood to converse with you right now," Fluttershy hmphed and continued walking to Twilight's house. The clear, humid skies and glaring sun felt hot on her fur, but Fluttershy was too distracted to think of such simple things.

After finally making it to Twilight's house, Fluttershy stormed in without knocking. That didn't result very well, since the door was made of a crystallized stone. Once she recovered, Fluttershy knocked sharply two times. Then softly once, and called out, "Twilight! I need you to come out here, right now! That is, if you have the time..."

For a few seconds, nothing happened. Then an irritated Twilight with a frazzled mane and bags under her eyes sternly opened the door and looked at Fluttershy. "And why, Fluttershy, are you knocking at two in the morning?"

Fluttershy blinked. "But it's three in the afternoon. Are you feeling well, Twilight?"

Twilight sighed. "Yes, I am just fine. What did you need?"

"Oh, well, I just wanted to ask you, would it matter if I said M?"

Without even stopping to think about it, Twilight slammed the door in her face, then proceded to headbang her horn on the door until it cracked off. Once she could no longer use magic, Twilight somehow levitated the horn into her mouth and choked on it, wincing at the discomfort. After around five minutes, she died, and a thriller spin-off series was created based off of her death. It was called "Murder at Crystal Castle" and was cancelled in the middle of the fifth season due to a lack of new fans. It went on a popular site called "Buckstarter" but failed to reach any of the goals. A few weeks after that, the director and writer for the show Lawrence Fasst was killed in a back alley, producing a spin-off series of her own.

Fluttershy didn't have many problems coping. Her little animal friends always died, and it's not like Twilight and Fluttershy had much in common anyway.

And to answer your question, yes it matters if you're male, because everyone on omegle is so profoundly ignorant of how machines work that they don't realize that they could use google images to drown any, ahem, urges.