A large red castle stood in stark defiance of the forested woodland around it; the sun barely crept from its place in the east, but already the light bathed the region in a gently green and blue glow. The blue ran along a clear stream, the only other disturbance in this early morning that only seemed to take on a life of its own.
A dock, laxly guarded by a few watchponies in red armor, smoothly connected to a lightly paved road leading up to the castle entrance. Towards this landmark on the river Rainbow Dash rowed; an inconvenient task for someone far more at home in the air. The problem is that strangers flying into the region tended to be met with arrows and javelins; shooting the strange feathered object out of the sky apparently took precedence over meeting said creature on its turf.
Her small rowboat coming to a stop, Rainbow gingerly looked towards the guards on the docks. Not that she expected nor needed any assistance tying her boat to the dock, but their lack of care that an armed blue pegasus approached suggested that there was more to the locality than met the eye.
Upon stepping onto the dock, Dash noticed that the guards were indeed surrounding something, or rather, someone; a small purple dragon in a dark red jerkin and sharp, soulful green eyes.
“Like what you’re seeing, mare?” The dragon smirked and broke away from his guards, visibly unperturbed by their grumblings.
“Depends, you looking for a new bodyguard?”
The dragon’s smirk turned into a grin. “Stare all you like, I am the only short dragon that you are going to see for miles around here. Big where it counts.”
Dash noticed that the current group of guards seemed to physically distance themselves from the dragon, as if their jobs had become less relevant in light of the small talk.
“A short dragon, big where it counts? You must be the dragon who made the Apple Family a joke, Spike the Goat Rider!” Dash laughed to herself, and though the guards seemed to get a chuckle or two out of her exclamation, the dragon did not seem particularly amused.
“And you must not be a knight from heavens knows where rowing gently down our stream looking for a job, what with that attitude.” Spike waved the guards off as he brought a claw to his chin, inspecting Dash from top to bottom with a scowl.
“No, I am Rainbow Dash of House Blitz, one of the very best knights you will ever meet, and I am looking for a job.” She briefly looks towards the departing watchponies. “You happen to need a new bodyguard?”
Spike stroked at his chin thoughtfully, circling about the mare like a vulture wheels about a carcass. “Maybe I could hire you as my bodyguard for my trip to piss off the edge of the Wall.”
The jangle of coins brought Dash’s attention to a sack tied about the dragon’s waist.
“That there would be your pay, as long as you do not join my family assigned guards in making light of my height. Can’t help it really; even if I were to hoard all the jewels and gold in the land I still would not grow an inch in stature, and I pay handsomely when pleased.”
Handsomely? Cider, half-dressed escorts, and a room for five filled Dash’s head upon mention of handsome pay. Whether the dragon was a mind reader or merely knew the ropes of the trade Rainbow could not tell, but she stepped forward and stood at attention.
“Of course. What would you prefer to be called-“
“Spike. Goat Rider will do, but I have ridden many a good ass just as well.” Spike stopped in front of Dash and waved off her stiffened posture. He then turned and began walking along the road.
Rainbow went to at ease and noticed him gesture for her to follow. Rainbow glanced back only once at the small boat that had served as her means of rugged travel. Traveling by water she would not miss. With a bit of extra energy in her step, she strode after him, soon coming into step. Rather than walk towards the large red castle, Spike seemed to be leading the way to a different destination.
“For the record, Rainbow Dash, Big Mac is the one who brought the family name low when he succeeded in becoming the 2nd Knight. And yet, I am the one my father’s hired swords try to shit on.” Spike turned his head towards the castle, his face having a slight scowl. “Can I call you Dashie?”
“Dash. Just Dash if you are going to shorten it.”
Spike nodded. The two diverted to a fairly beaten path. “Sooo, Dash, do you like brothels?”
Dash feigned insult. “What kind of question is that? If I am going to fuck a whore from each of the Seven Kingdoms, brothels have to be a second home.”
“Make the eight huh…“ Spike muttered something unintelligible, his smile widening. “Well then, my new bodyguard, I know just the place to put your mind at ease about that.”

Rainbow was excited. She loved brothels. She likes both stallions and mares alike, but today she feels like having a mare. “Why of course. Do you know who I am?” She said while holding her hand to her chest.

Spike could only listen to hear Rainbow’s story. “Why am I about to hear a story from the Rainbow Dash of the Rainbow Guard?” Which made Rainbow look at him funny when he said this.

“I am Rainbow Dash of House Blitz of Tank Island descent of Rainbow Blitz and the pony who is going to make the eight. Making the eight it's where you fuck any whore from each of the Seven Kingdoms.“ But I have yet to make the eight so yeah.

As her ladyship began her departure, the ever goggling dragon couldn’t help but admire her muscular toned figure. Taking a guilty amount of pleasure seeing the fabric of her cloths fold and curve perfectly with the mare’s form. “You know,” He began, grinning slightly. “It’s far too often that I encounter the flowers of this world, but never really have a chance to admire the rawness of the natural world that birthed them… If you know what I’m getting at of course?”

Turning to the grinning drake, Rainbow Dash of Tank raised an eyebrow, unsure of how to respond. “Sorry my lord, but I don’t see what you mean?”

Spike shrugged and sighed slightly through his nostrils, musingly. “What I mean is, I’m far too familiar with delicate maidens and, quite frankly, you my lady are a breath of fresh air to the senses. That simple stark contrast is what I mean. It’s invigorating.”

“May I speak freely my lord?” Rainbow replied.

He nodded in response. “You may.”

Looking at him with a straight face she rose her jaw back and proceeded. “I know of your reputation Lord Spike, and believe me, from the stories I’ve heard, you’re going to need a much bigger horde than all the gold your family and then some before you could get a go at the rainbow.”

Spike smiled and raised his brow. “Fiery? I like that.” He chuckled, causing Rainbow to roll her eyes.

“Well you seem like you're a dragon who is full of lust, likes to bed so many whores, and drink so much.” Rainbow countered with that.

Spike put his claws on Rainbow’s butt and smacked it. “Yes I am full of lust and wine. I could probably out drink you darling.” He made a grin that meant for him to challenge her into a drinking contest, but the last one he had was with the Second Knight Big Mac, and that was the last time he challenged him because Big Mac can hold a shit load of alcohol. They should've called him ‘Big Keg instead but Second Knight stuck with him.

They head to an inn which was not a huge inn. There were many ponies here drinking and getting drunk, and it smiles of piss and dung just the way Rainbow likes it. She was never big on perfume. On some mares maybe, but on her that was a different story. She replied as Spike and her sat down on the table. “So you said you're full of lust and wine.”

Spike smiled with a toothy grin. “Ohhh you know that I am full of that, I been sleeping with so many mares I almost made the eight.” Making the eight is where you have sex from each mare of the Seven Kingdoms plus the Tank Islands.

Rainbow was laughing so hard that tears came out her eyes she had to brush her eyes. “Really you really Made the Eight really and I slept with the Prince Nightlight.” she said sarcastically

“Hey I can use sarcasm too, I once made love to Rarity one night at the tourney.” he said sarcastically

Rarity is the most beautiful pony in the Seven Kingdoms she is part of House Pennas the second richest house in the Seven Kingdoms and someone who Spike hopes to marry one day. “ Really you have slept with Rarity of House Pennas?” she laughed hard “ This calls for a drinking game because I want to know how big of a lair this little dragon is”

“ You peaked my interest Rainbow Knight so how does this game play out” he put his arm on the table.

“ It goes like this I make a statement about your past and if I say it's right then you drink, if I get the answer wrong then I drink.” Rainbow always loved to play this game with many of her friends at Tank Island.

“ Ok well I well start because I am a great judge of character” he stares at Rainbow maybe he might find something from her past. “ you dislike your father”

Rainbow drinks her ale and licks her lips. “ Lord Rainbow Blaze expects too much from me I had to leave”

“ Well we both are like the same our fathers expects too much from us I wonder why” Spike then thinks of another answer to know about Rainbow. “ You liked mares when you were 13.”

“ Drink.” Spike sign and he drank his ale. “ I was 12 when I started to have a thing for mares and hmmmm well 13 for sleeping with my first stallion so I well drink as well because you were very close” she drink her ale.

“ Can I ask who which stallion you slept with”

Rainbow sign lovely “ it was the Red Apple of Sandhorn, Braeburn”

Spike was greatly shocked by this he never thought that she would sleep with a warrior like him but the Red Apple has a reputation for having a thing for both mares and stallions, so if Rainbow likes both mares and stallions they would make a cute couple. “ so you and Braeburn you two would be cute together.”

“ Yeah but that was just one night also he had a cute buffalo with him I think her name is Little Strongheart” it was said that Braeburn was into both guys and girls but he loved his Little Strongheart more than anyone he know. “ but he did give me a child named Zap Apple she is a nice pony and she loves her dad so much but I had only two kids one was named Scootaloo whom is my child but I she is with someone I trust greatly at Canterlot.”

Spike was curious who the father was but he thinks he already knows but it was a long time ago but he still asked the question “ who was your lovers name?”

Rainbow could only cry a little “ his name is named Lionheart he was a poor knight sworn to a House I could not remember he was called the Rooster Knight me and him made a shield that had a Rooster on it it was our most prized shield we got married and all that but” she had a tears going down her cheeks, “ during the Tourney of House Light in the Sami Finals of that Big Mac he cut him he then died of an infection.”

Spike holds her hand “ I am and sorry I asked you know with both are the same almost we both lost our first lovers.”

“ Who was your first lover Spike?”

Spike then drank his ale and he hits it on the table he was now a bit drunk. “ Her name is Moon Dancer she was the Maester’s bastard at the Golden Keep,” Rainbow know where this was going that bastards have no chances with High Lords. “ I loved to read, I read a lot one of the books was about dragons, this one night I accidentally slept in the library and then she puts a blanket over me and their we had it we fall in love and gotten married by a drunken priest.” Spike scarted the table with his claws “ then when the drunken priest told my father it all fell apart.

Rainbow drank her ale and she know what was going to happen his father beat her and sent her away. “ I think I heard enough Spike” but Spike shook his head.

“ No their is more” Rainbow sat down again she could not believe what would his father do Fifty Rich is an evil cunt anyways what's the worst he could do “ let's see now after he found out that I married her he told me that she was paid to do the things to me to lie to me and he give her to all of his men so they could do what they want to her and I had to watch this and my father told me to give her a gold coin.”

Rainbow could not believe this, she would kill Filthy Rich no matter what she knows her father would never do this to her even do he expects much from her but Rainbow Blaze would never do this to Lionheart. “ So you let's not talk about are sob stories let's drink and be merry.” she brings her bottle up.

Spike smiled “ you know what for you anything” he brings his glass up and toast to Rainbow “ a toast to our horrible past may it be a long life for both of us” he his bottle with Rainbow’s.

“ Here here and let their be more drinks and whores in our future.” they toast with a light and they drink their warm ale.

As soon as night hit both Rainbow and Spike were shit faced drunk both of them had really pink faces and they both could barely stand they were both shaking after so much ale and wine, Spike got up but he stumped on to Rainbow “ hic wow their Little Dragon you are soooo light weight hic” but she was just as drunk as Spike is.

“ I can’t help it” he was touching her butt and squeezes it. “ you know I got slapped by a mare the last time I touched someone and I can see you like this.”

“ Yeah I am ok with this hic but you are like my good friend and I never slept with a dragon before” she giggled

I say lets go to the brothel and we find some mares to warm are bed” Spike said while grabbing her more.[

“ You bet your ass lets go right now” They walked to the brothel in the dark but Spike was leading Rainbow to where it was because dragons got good vision in the dark even do he was drunk.

“ Here we are now let's get a bed” then everything was so barley at that point that both of them could not tell what was happening after drinking so much.

A low, aching thrumming assaulted the Pegasus’s brow as sleep slowly let her loose of its grip. The sun streamed through the draped curtains and stung her eyes as she took a deep breath and sat up from the bed. She felt her muscles ache and her tendons flex with stiffened effort as she regained her senses.

As she looked around, she began to make sense of her surroundings; a spacious fairly dressed room with high, wooden beamed ceilings. The air stunk of salt, stale wine and smoke from extinguished candles, only adding to her ghastly headache.

“What in the name…” She trailed off putting a hoof to her poor brow. “What? What happened?

It was then that she spotted her discarded garments laid across a nearby table and stool, rather haphazardly at that. Looking down, she confirmed that she was indeed quite naked, as the dampened sheets clung to her body.

However, her attentions were redirected as a low murmur rose up from across the bed. With short breaths she glanced over to spot a medium sized lump curled up beneath the covers with an extra pillow covering where its head would be

Though her mind was screaming at her not to, her mixture of worry and curiosity won out and she reached over towards the plush fabric.“Oh… buck me…” She swore to herself. Rainbow had to leave quicly before the rich dragon that hired woke up.

Author's Note

I know this is not the theme for this but this is the theme when the characters in Witcher got drunk it was sooo funny but well as you know what happened to Spike and Rainbow.

Also I am very sorry about this my editors were taking their time sweet time and their still maybe some grammar errors please tell me I may have to rewrite again please don't hate and if you can help me out please do.