Rainbow Dash Takes Twilight to a Bar

by DiamondStar4242

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Berry Punch, Rainbow Dash, Romance, Princess Luna, Comedy
Length: 2195

Twilight has never been to a bar. Rainbow Dash is going to fix that.

When Twilight tells Rainbow Dash that she has never been to a bar before, Rainbow is shocked. Dash decides to take Twilight to a bar to show her what she is missing out on. Things quickly get out of hoof.

Published 2015-11-09 02:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-12 00:50:56 UTC

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

The birds were chirping, the sun was shining, and sky was blue. All was peaceful in Ponyville. Everypony was enjoying the beautiful weather. Well…. everypony except Rainbow Dash.

“Aaaaauuuuuugggghh. I am dead.” The blue mare moaned. “I am never drinking again.” A purple alicorn was standing next to the Dash’s bed, levitating a book.

Twilight rolled her eyes. “I don’t think so Rainbow. Anyway, do you want a hay smoothie with a shot of espresso or a Bloody Mare, maybe?” she inquired

“It’s the perfect hangover cure!” she added

“I want it to go away!” Rainbow sobbed. Abruptly, she stopped, “You know…I could use a hay smoothie, actually.”

Twilight beamed. “I make the best hay smoothies ever! I found such a great recipe in the 6th edition of ‘101 Ways to A Toned Flank.’” Rainbow rolled over and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like ‘egghead’.

Twilight’s eyes narrowed. “At least I don’t get drunk twice a week and have my best friend babysit me while I wallow in bed with a killer hangover. I’m responsible enough to stay far away from alcohol.”

Rainbow’s ears perked upon hearing this. Hangover forgotten, she flew over to Twilight and grabbed her. “You- you’ve never had alcohol?!!” she cried, shocked. Twilight pushed Rainbow off of her and glared.

“Yes. I’ve never even been in a bar!” she said proudly.

“YOU’VE NEVER BEEN IN A BAR??!!!” Rainbow yelled.

“Sheesh… What’s your problem?” Twilight muttered

“What’s my problem? What’s your problem! You have never had alcohol before and you’ve never been in a bar. You’ve never lived life!” Rainbow screeched. “You really need to get out more Twilight.” She added

“Woah… what’s the big deal?” Twilight asked, confused.

Rainbow’s jaw dropped. “Your tongue has never touched hard cider and you are asking me what the big deal is? The big deal, Twilight Sparkle, is that you-you….” Rainbow's eyes rolled into the back of her head and she passed out.

Twilight poured a bucket of cold water all over an unconscious blue mare. “AAH! Wha- huh?” Rainbow Dash spluttered. “What happened?”

Twilight rolled her eyes. “You fainted.”

“What? Nonononono Rainbow Dash does not faint. A prissy Canterlot filly would faint. Rarity would faint. But a cool, awesome, soon-to-be Wonderbolt does NOT faint.” Rainbow said.

The purple alicorn could not suppress the face-hoof. “Well you did.”

Rainbow looked disappointed. “Damn it!”

Twilight shook her head. “I didn’t think me telling you that I have never had alcohol would get rid of your hangover.”

Quickly, Twilight scribbled something in her random, out-of-nowhere notepad. “Next time I’ll tell you I’m pregnant.”

Rainbow nodded. “Works like a charm.”

“Wait you’re pregnant?!!” she looked slightly panicked.

“No… I’m not.” Twilight groaned.

“Oh good, and, by the way, I’m taking you to a bar tonight.” Rainbow said sternly.

Twilight sighed. “I thought as much.”

That very night…..

The two mares stood in front of a bright club with flashing lights and a neon sign that said “Le Cheval”

“The best bar in Ponyville.” Rainbow said proudly.

“The only bar in Ponyville” Twilight stated flatly

Rainbow grabbed her hoof and dragged her to the door. They entered and Twilight winced at the loud music.

“Not bad for a club that’s called ‘the horse’, huh?” Rainbow shouted over the music. Twilight just sighed.

Rainbow frowned and punched her lightly in the arm. “As long as you’re here you might as well have a little fun Twi.”

“The things I do for my friends…” Twilight muttered.

Rainbow pulled Twilight onto a seat. “Since you have never had an alcoholic drink before-” she shuddered. “I’ll give you some suggestions. Do you want cider, beer, vodka, gin, wine, or whiskey?”

Twilight thought for a moment. “I suppose I’ll have…. Some wine?” Her response sounded more like a question than an answer.

Rainbow clapped her hooves together in glee. “Awesome!” she said, “Bartender!” After a few seconds, a purple earth pony mare trotted to them.

Rainbow gasped. “Berry Punch? What are you doing here? I mean that’s a bad question you’re always here, but what are you doing there?”

Berry grinned. “Smooth, as always Dash. I’m working here… duh”

“It’s so weird seeing you sober.” Rainbow said. Twilight elbowed her friend.

“Ow! What the hell Twi—I mean you’re looking great today Berry Punch! Hehe” Rainbow added quickly.

Berry winked at Rainbow suggestively. “Thanks Dash. Anyway, what are you two going to drink today?”

As Berry got their drinks, Twilight looked around. It was so dark and most everypony was drunk. DJ-Pon3 was handling the music and she and Berry Punch seemed the only two ponies sober other than her and Dash.

“The only way this is going to work is if you have at least 5 glasses of wine Twilight” Rainbow said. “The wine here is not that strong so you have to work extra hard to get tipsy.”

Twilight smirked. “Rainbow Dash, are you trying to get me drunk?”

“Pfft No…. Actually yes” Rainbow answered. “You’ve never had alcohol before and it’s up to me to make up for it”

“We’re both mature responsible adults who don’t fall in bed with the first pony they see after having too much cider.” Twilight said, trying (and failing) to keep a straight face.

Rainbow Dash couldn’t hold it in. “PFFT- HAHAHAHAHA! Mature- ha- adults- hahaha” she laughed. The pegasus wiped a tear. “Ha good one Twi”

Berry Punch appeared with the pair’s drinks in hoof. “Here you go ladies. Have fun!”

“Ahh finally. Sweet, sweet cider” Rainbow’s mouth was watering.

Twilight’s eyes widened. “Go easy this time Dash, you don’t want another hangover and I don’t want to babysit you again.”

Of course Rainbow Dash did NOT go easy. And, sadly, neither did Twilight.

2 hours later….
“Ya know Dashie? I think you’re right- hic- alcohol is g-great- hic.” Twilight slurred.

Rainbow giggled. “Of course I was r-right. I’m awesome.”

Twilight laughed loudly. “You’re orange?” The two drunken mares burst out in a fit of laughter.

“I think you’re drunk Twilight.” Rainbow said

Twilight frowned. “I am a mature, responsible adult and mature and responsible adults don’t get drunk Dashie.”

Rainbow laughed again. “Silly filly… if I’m not a mature, responsible adult then neither are you.”

Twilight was getting dizzy. You know what? Rainbow Dash looks really hot right now. Her rainbow mane looks so pretty. She looks really sexy…. Wait no… what am I thinking? I don’t like Rainbow Dash. She’s my best friend, I’m not romantically interested in her. Eh what the hell? I’m drunk off my ass so nopony will blame me if I do something stupid.

Twilight did do something stupid, something incredibly stupid. She kissed Rainbow Dash full on the mouth. Since Rainbow Dash is about as stupid as Twilight is, she did something just as dumb. She kissed her back.

Author's Note

Hello everypony! I was feeling TwiDash-y so here you go!

Chapter 2

Twilight woke up with a messy mane and terrible hangover. She couldn’t remember anything that had happened last night. The last thing the purple alicorn remembered was Rainbow Dash taking her to that bar and them drinking alcohol together. Twilight looked around and, surprisingly enough, she was not in her room.

The princess took in her surroundings. The bed was incredibly soft and there were golden trophies in various spots around the room. The theme seemed to be rainbow. Slowly, Twilight realized what she desperately hoped wasn’t true. Carefully, fearfully, she removed the blanket from the sleeping figure next to her. Rainbow Dash lay there snoring gracefully; unaware of the sudden panic that was taking hold of Twilight Sparkle.

“Horseapples….. I slept with Rainbow. Rainbow Dash: my best friend, and the Element of Loyalty, and captain of the weather team, and the most self-centered pony on the planet. Hey, now Twilight no need to be rude she’s not that bad. Wait she is, but back to the point. I had sex with Rainbow Dash! What am I going to do??”

“Well…. good morning to you too egghead. I can see that you are having a wonderful time talking about me to yourself. I am so very sorry to interrupt, but you’re kind of in my house, in my room, and on my bed.” Rainbow Dash said, sarcasm dripping from her voice. “Also I have one teensy, weensy question for you. It shouldn’t be too hard, being the smartass that you are. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?”

Twilight turned around, her panic momentarily overshadowed by her annoyance. “Good Morning Rainbow Dash. I see you’re up bright and early to yell at me. Where’s your bucking hangover, dear Rainbow? Wait, let me guess. Did it join the Wonderbolts and leave your sorry flank behind?”

Rainbow Dash’s face got red. “At least I’m handling the hangover better than you, your Royal Snootiness.”

Twilight took a moment to use Cadence’s special breathing technique to calm down. She was angry and so was Rainbow, but the worst way to handle the situation was to yell at each other. “Ok I’m sorry Dash. I think I panicked for a moment there. I’m just confused and overwhelmed.”
Rainbow seemed to calm down and think for a second. “Yeah, I get it Twi. This is probably the first time you’ve randomly slept with somepony just because you were drunk. This is the first time I’ve slept with one of my best friends. Well there was that one time with Applejack— never mind. What I’m trying to say is… mistakes happen.”

Twilight blushed. “Well, the thing is, Rainbow. I don’t want to dismiss it as just a mistake. I don’t want to forget about it. I actually want….” Twilight trailed of shyly.

“Twilight…..are you saying that you enjoyed having sex with me?” Rainbow smirked. “Are you saying you enjoyed—” Rainbow moved closer to Twilight and softly bit her ear. “this?”

Twilight couldn’t help but gasp, but then suddenly pulled away. “Wait! What I meant was I want to go on a proper date with you Rainbow. I want to be in a serious relationship with you. I’m just worried about if you’ll be able to handle it.”

Rainbow looked offended. “Of course I can handle it! I’m Rainbow Dash I can handle anything!”

Twilight giggled. “Only if you give me your word.”

Rainbow sighed a rolled her eyes. “Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye. You can trust me, egghead.”

Twilight smiled. “I know I can.”

Rainbow grinned. “Now where were we?”

Twilight frowned. “No sex until our date” she said firmly

Rainbow whimpered. “But, why?”

Twilight shook her head. “It’s the best way to start a healthy relationship.”

“How about after the date?” Rainbow said.

“No” Twilight answered.

“I’ll take that as a maybe?” Rainbow asked hopefully.

“Rainbow Dash” Twilight warned.

“Aw pooh” Rainbow pouted

Twilight smiled warmly. “We can cuddle…”

Dash shrugged. “Better than nothing”

Twilight nuzzled her. “You know you want to” she sang.

Rainbow looked skeptical. “Fine”

Twilight hugged her soon-to-be marefriend. “Yay!” Rainbow struggled for a moment, and then relaxed. She snuggled closer to Twilight and closed her eyes; the alicorn wrapped a wing around Rainbow protectively. “You are so adorable…”

Rainbow’s eyes flew open. She glared at Twilight. “I am not adorable”
Twilight chuckled. “You are so cute!”

Rainbow narrowed her eyes. “Am not!”

“Are too!”

“Am not!”

“Are too times infinity”

“Am not times infinity and one”

“Fine let’s agree to disagree” Twilight settled

“Fine” Rainbow said childishly.

“Now come here and cuddle already!” Twilight commanded.

“Who’s in charge, me or you?” Rainbow muttered.

“Me, now come here and snuggle or else you won’t get a piece of this--” Twilight gestured at her body. “before I take a shower.”

Rainbow dashed (ha, see what I did there?) over to her not-marefriend and got a piece of the Twi-Pie. In other words, they snuggled and Dash fell asleep.

Twilight sighed happily and quietly levitated Rainbow onto the bed to take a shower.

At “Le Cheval”…..

Berry Punch yawned as she wiped down her last table. “Last night was soooo boring. The only interesting thing that happened was Princess Twilight making out with Dash.”

Luna nodded. “Yes, her dreams were strange that night. Now Ms. Punch where were we? Do you happen to have Sweet Apple Acres cider? I came all the way from Canterlot to test it. I heard it is delicious.”

Berry Punch nodded. “Yes I have some left. Rainbow almost drank it all, would you like anything else Princess?”

Luna waved her hoof dismissively. “Call me Luna. We are the best of friends if you can get me some alcohol. I have had a hard week and I think it’s time to have some fun. Raising the moon isn’t, easy you know. I make the night so why not enjoy it?”

Berry Punch grinned devilishly. “I like the way you think. My shift is over in a few minutes so I think I’ll join you.” She slid the glasses over to the Moon Princess. “After all, a little alcohol never hurt anypony.”

Author's Note

The End.
Also, anypony for a sequel?