Will the Real Changeling Please Stand Up?
"And you're certain that what you saw was a changeling?"
The gray pegasus sitting in front of the desk nodded vigorously. "Yes! After I crashed into that pony, I looked up and saw a green flash! It must have been a changeling!"
Twilight Sparkle jotted some final notes on her pad before setting it down. "Well, thank you for your report, Miss Hooves. We'll look into it as soon as possible and call you once we've found an explanation. In the meantime, I would advise you to remain calm and go about your day as normal."
As the witness left the station, Twilight stood up from the desk and put her satchel on her back.
"Come on, Dash. We should go now." She looked behind her to see her partner still sitting, a look of apathy painted across her face.
"Do we have to?" Rainbow Dash moaned. "I mean, what if a real problem pops up while we're gone?"
Twilight stopped. "What do you mean? Isn't this a real problem?"
"Twilight, you saw that mare," Rainbow protested. "Anypony could see that she's not the brightest bolt in the storm. Heck, she couldn't even remember what that pony she crashed into looked like! Not to mention she was cross-eyed. Even if she did see a green flash, who's to say it wasn't just a vision problem . . ."
"Dash, I know all that," Twilight interrupted. "But even so, if she reported it, we have to investigate it." Rainbow Dash rolled her eyes.
"Look," Twilight continued. "It probably wasn't a changeling, but what if it was? You've heard the stories about how destructive they are. Can we really afford to take the risk of not checking it out?"
Her partner looked up, her expression now anxious. "Well, I guess not . . ."
"Besides," Twilight added, "we haven't gotten any calls all day. And I've never known you to turn down an adventure, especially when there's a chance for you to kick flank."
Rainbow's ears perked up. "I could kick flank?"
"If we do find a changeling, sure . . ."
"Well, what are we waiting for? We've got a sighting to investigate!" With that, she flew straight out the office door.
By the time Twilight reached the front door of the station, Rainbow Dash had already hitched herself to the police carriage and pulled it to the front.
"Hurry up!" she shouted eagerly.
"Slow down, Dash," Twilight replied as she hooked the carriage to her back. "Not all of us have wings, you know."
The pegasus had claimed that the changeling sighting occurred northwest of town. After about an hour of trotting down the road in that direction, they came to a small roadside diner with an empty bus wagon parked in front of it.
"Maybe somepony here knows something," Twilight suggested as they parked the carriage and went inside.
The diner was nearly vacant, with only a few ponies scattered at different tables and booths. The orange pegasus behind the counter turned and saw Twilight and Rainbow Dash.
"Afternoon, officers," he greeted with a tip of his paper cap. "Can I get you anything?"
"Black coffee," Rainbow Dash answered. "Double."
The cook nodded and disappeared into the kitchen. Twilight and Dash sat down at the counter and began to silently survey the diner. A few barstools to their right, a curly-maned mare was loudly slurping a chocolate milkshake. In the corner behind her, a mint unicorn and a beige earth pony were sitting in a booth, a smile spread wide across the unicorn's face as she talked quietly to the earth pony. A pink alicorn gazing out the window sat in the corner adjacent to them, and the booth in front of her was occupied by two smartly-dressed stallions, one clean-shaven and the other with a mustache; twin brothers by the looks of it. Off to one side of the dining area, a solitary mare in a wizard costume was eating a peanut butter sandwich, and at the table just behind Twilight and Rainbow Dash sat a sturdily-built red stallion munching on a slice of apple pie.
"Excuse me," Twilight said as she tapped the red stallion on the shoulder. "Are you the driver of that bus wagon outside?"
The stallion turned and nodded. "Eeyup."
"Where are you going?"
"The Crystal Empire," he answered. "But the bridge three miles ahead is out, and this was the nearest place for us to wait for the call when it's fixed."
"How long have you been here?"
" 'Bout two hours."
"Have you or any of your passengers noticed anything . . . strange today?"
"Strange how?"
"Well . . ." Twilight paused, unsure of how to explain without prematurely causing a panic. "Just . . . anything slightly unusual or out of the ordinary, particularly a green flash. I just figured, there's eight of you, so chances are . . ."
"Eight? Ya mean seven."
"Okay, yes, I guess if you just count the passengers it's seven . . ."
"I've only got six passengers," the driver interrupted. "Plus me makes seven in all."
Twilight blinked uncertainly. "But there are seven other ponies here . . ."
The driver looked around the dining area, then stood up and began to count the other ponies in the room.
"Seven . . ." he muttered as he came to the end. "That can't be right . . . I was sure I counted six passengers at the bus stop . . ." By this point, he had inadvertently caught the attention of all of the diner patrons.
"Here's your coffee, officers," the cook declared as he returned from the kitchen.
Twilight turned her head to face him. "Pardon me for asking, mister . . ."
"Flash," the cook answered.
"Mr. Flash, pardon me for asking, but how many customers have you had today?"
"Just these eight," he answered. "I hadn't had any business at all today until the bus wagon arrived."
"And you haven't seen any other ponies arrive or leave since then?"
"Not that I recall."
"What does it matter?" the blue mare in the magician outfit interjected. "What difference does it make whether there's six or seven of us?"
Unsure of how to answer, Twilight instead silently turned to Rainbow Dash. "What do you make of this, Dash?" she whispered.
"Isn't it obvious?" Rainbow replied. "Clearly one of these ponies is a changeling . . ."
"Changeling?" the curly-maned mare suddenly shrieked. "Did you say there's a changeling here?" At this, the other ponies in the diner became visibly alarmed.
"Now, now," Twilight called with a raised voice. "We don't know anything for certain, and we certainly don't want to jump to any conclusions." Deciding that the best course of action would be to explain the situation, she sighed. "We're simply investigating a report of a possible changeling sighting in this approximate area, but for all we know thus far it could be nothing . . ."
At that moment, the lights in the diner suddenly began to flicker on and off, prompting startled screams from the crowd.
"Strange . . ." Flash muttered as the flickering stopped. "I paid the electric bill plenty early . . ."
"Alright! Who is it?" the mustachioed stallion shouted. "Who's the changeling? Whoever it is, it'd be in your best interest to confess now! There's no use hiding it! There's six of us and one of you!"
"Well, when you put it like that, what changeling in their right mind would confess now?" the alicorn retorted. "Because right now none of us six know who the one is . . ."
"No one has to confess anything," Twilight reaffirmed. "This is only an investigation. There could be lots of changelings here, or there could be no changelings. Right now, we don't know anything."
"Well one thing that the Great and Powerful Trixie does know," the magician mare butted in, "is that she was talking about some sort of strange creatures on the bus!" She pointed an accusatory hoof at the mint unicorn.
"Strange creatures, you say?" Rainbow Dash replied. "Stand back, everypony. This isn't gonna be pretty." With that, she suddenly pounced into the air and was bewildered when she abruptly stopped in midair while still flapping her wings.
"Down, Rainbow," Twilight commanded as best as she could with her teeth clamped onto the end of Rainbow Dash's tail. "Down!" Her partner did as she was told.
"Sorry about that," Twilight apologized as she calmly walked towards the booth in the corner. "Now, what's your name, miss?"
"Lyra Heartstrings," the unicorn answered. "And this is my wife, Bon Bon," she added while gesturing towards the beige earth pony sitting with her.
"And why were you on the bus wagon headed for the Crystal Empire, Miss Heartstrings?"
"We were going on a vacation for the weekend." Lyra looked at Bon Bon and smiled. "Our anniversary is this Saturday."
"Well, happy anniversary, then," Twilight replied. "Now, would you mind telling us about these 'strange creatures' Miss . . . Trixie, I believe . . . the creatures Miss Trixie reportedly overheard you talking about on the bus?"
Lyra's eyes shone as a grin spread across her face. "Oh, you mean humans!" With that, Lyra bent forward to grab a suitcase under the booth.
"Hu . . . what?"
"Humans!" Lyra repeated as she produced a thick notebook from her suitcase and plopped it on the table. "Scientific name Homo sapiens, characterized by an upright, bipedal posture and the presence of versatile claw-like appendages on their front legs." As she explained, she flipped wildly through yellowed pages covered edge-to-edge with quickly-jotted notes and sketches of outlandish hairless beasts with small facial features and exaggerated appendages.
"Traces of human activity have been found in remote parts of Equestria, but no live humans have ever been seen. However, some amateur anthropologists such as myself theorize that humans may be extant in other worlds magically connected to ours!" At this point, Lyra looked up, her face shining with zeal.
Twilight stared blankly for a moment, then blinked. "Right, uh . . . well, truth be told, Miss Heartstrings, I don't understand a word of what you just said, but as far as I can tell it's nothing illegal. Now, Miss Bon Bon, have you noticed any unusual behavior exhibited by your wife recently?"
Bon Bon sighed. "Well, if you ask me, the whole 'humans' thing is strange, but I haven't noticed her acting out of character at all, if that's what you mean."
"Alright," Twilight replied. "That's one possible suspect out . . ."
"And six left!" Rainbow Dash added eagerly. She scanned the room until her eyes came to stop at the pink alicorn.
"Y'know," Rainbow remarked as she walked towards the corner, "alicorns aren't that common in this part of Equestria . . ."
"Well, it just so happens that I'm not from this part of Equestria," the alicorn replied. "I live in Canterlot."
"What's your name, miss?"
"Mi Amore Cadenza," she answered. "But you can call me Cadance for short."
"Cadance?" the curly-maned mare interrupted. "Hey, that almost rhymes with sleigh dance! And hay pants! And stray chance! And day prance! And ---" She stopped upon noticing that everyone else was staring at her. "What?"
Rainbow Dash cleared her throat. "Erm, right. Anyways, you seem like a fairly young mare, Miss Cadance. Would you mind telling us what you were doing on that bus by yourself?"
"I'm getting married in the Crystal Empire," Cadance answered matter-of-factly. "I'm meeting my fiancée there for our wedding."
"Why aren't you going together?"
"Because he's already there. He's a royal guard."
"Doesn't the Crystal Empire have enough guards of its own?"
"It does, but he's working at the Equestrian embassy."
"What's his name?"
"Shining Armor. Captain Shining Armor, actually."
"Never heard of him . . ."
"He works for the Equestria Department of Defense. Would you like to see proof?"
With that, she used her magic to pull a small photo album out of her bag. She then proceeded to flip through the pages, showing pictures of herself with a handsome unicorn stallion with a blue-streaked mane. Most of the pictures had clearly been taken in the Crystal Empire, and in several of them the stallion was wearing Equestrian royal guard armor.
Of course, Rainbow Dash noticed none of this as she gazed intently at Cadence's horn, which glowed with a sky blue aura as she magically flipped through the photo album.
Blue, not green.
"Officer?"
Rainbow blinked. "Oh, right. You're clear."
"Well, I guess you fellows might as well be next," Twilight said to the stallions seated at the booth in front of Cadence. "What are your names, gentlecolts?"
"Why, we're Flim and Flam, the world famous Flim-Flam brothers," the clean-shaven one answered in a singsong voice, "traveling salesponies nonpareil!"
"Interesting," Twilight replied. "Now, what can you tell us about ---"
We have hearts! *stomp stomp* As strong as horses!
Everypony in the diner jumped as the radio in the corner suddenly came alive and blaring. After a few seconds of playing, it stopped as quickly as it had started.
The now-uneasy mood was heightened as the sugar bowls sitting on each table began to explode, sending ceramic shards flying and releasing powdery white clouds into the air. Everyone screamed in shock and fear, except for the curly-maned mare sitting at the counter.
"Hee hee! It's just like fireworks!" she laughed. "Hey! Sugar fireworks! Now there's an idea! They'd be colorful and tasty, just like candy!"
Even as the sugar dust settled, the atmosphere remained anxious.
"Yikes, look at this mess," Flash commented. "I'll get the broom." With that, he disappeared into the kitchen, leaving the diner patrons in tense silence.
"Sugar bowls, eh?" Flam remarked. "Could be a sign for somepony involved with sugar . . . like candy . . ." He squinted towards the booth in the opposite corner.
Lyra stood up defensively. "You leave my wife ---"
"Lyra, I can handle this," Bon Bon assured firmly. She rose and walked across the diner.
"That's a bold accusation you're making," she asserted. "Especially considering that you're making it just based on my cutie mark. . ."
"Not just your cutie mark!" Flam argued. "You've been quiet most of the time we've been here, especially since we started looking for the changeling. That's exactly what someone trying to blend in would do . . ."
"Maybe in a normal case," Bon Bon retorted, "but in a situation where someone's trying to hide because of a secret, it would make more sense for them to act like everypony else so that they don't stand out."
"And how would you know that?"
"It's not a matter of knowing. It's a matter of the fact that I clearly have more common sense and logical reasoning than you!"
"Why, you little ---"
"Alright, alright!" Twilight stepped between them. "There's no need for personal attacks and rash accusations. Now, Miss Lyra, have you observed any out-of-the-ordinary behavior exhibited by your wife lately?"
"No," Lyra huffed. "As a matter of fact, I haven't." She crossed her front legs across her chest.
"Alright, then," Twilight responded. "That as good as settles that." She stepped aside, but Flam and the couple continued to glare at each other.
Flim cleared his throat nervously. "Say, what's taking the cook so long to fetch that broom? I could've cleaned this whole room by now." With that, he used his magic to pick up the ceramic fragments and sugar scattered across the floor and floated the mess to the trash can. He then turned to see that the others were staring at him oddly.
"What?"
"Why, Mr. Flim," Trixie remarked. "Your aura is green . . ."
"Yes . . . what about it?"
No one answered.
"Now just a moment!" Flam pounded his hoof on the ground as he stood. "It just so happens that my aura is green, too! It always has been, and so has Flim's! Assuming that my brother is a changeling just because of the color of his aura is silly! Why, they are probably a million unicorns in Equestria with green auras! Now, Flim, will you please explain to these folks why you're not a changeling?" He turned to see his brother staring at him.
"Say, Flam . . . wasn't your mustache longer the other day?"
"I trimmed the ends a few nights ago," Flam answered.
"I never saw you . . ."
"It was after you had gone to sleep. What's that got to do ---"
Before Flam could say another word, Flim had leapt up and pinned him to the ground. "What have you done with my brother, monster?!?"
"Flim, get off of me! I am your brother!"
"Prove it!"
"We got our cutie marks when we were six by selling homemade apple cider!"
"Right away?"
"No! Nopony would buy any until we started singing and dancing about how it was the world-famous best cider in all of Equestria!"
"And why were we selling cider in the first place?"
"To earn enough bits to buy the Express Engine 3000 train set!"
"Why?"
"Partly because we thought it was cool, and partly to impress the filly who lived next door, Marian!"
Flim gasped. Then he lifted his hooves and helped Flam up.
"I . . . I'm sorry brother . . . I don't know what came over me . . ."
Twilight stepped forward. "Paranoia can be a dangerous thing. Even a small amount of it can turn the most trusting ponies against each other. Now, Mr. Flim, I take it that your brother's statements are true?" Flim nodded.
"Well, that leaves two . . ." Rainbow Dash replied. She cast a glare in the direction of Trixie and the curly-maned mare, which Trixie noticed immediately.
"Why are you staring at the Great and Powerful Trixie like that?" she snapped.
Rainbow blinked. "I wasn't staring at you . . ."
"You were! The Great and Powerful Trixie saw you! Why are you acting suspicious?"
"You're the one who's acting suspicious," Bon Bon replied. "And come to think of it, you've been acting suspicious all day! You were the one who first accused Lyra of being a changeling . . ."
"That's right!" Cadance added. "And you're the one who pointed out that Flim's aura was green . . ."
"Are you saying that the Great and Powerful Trixie is a changeling?!" Trixie scoffed.
"Nopony is saying anything," Twilight answered. "We're just pointing out . . ."
"Well, this is ridiculous, that's what it is! This whole thing is ridiculous! The driver could have easily miscounted! Just because he said that there were six passengers and there were actually seven does not mean that somepony is a changeling! And now you ponies have the audacity to suggest that the Great and Powerful Trixie is a changeling?" As she fumed, the other ponies' expressions grew noticeably wary.
"Do you want to see proof that I'm not a changeling?" she snapped. "Look at my horn! Look at it!"
Twilight and Rainbow Dash turned their attention to Trixie's horn and watched as it glowed with a light pink aura . . .
"Yahh!" Twilight let out a shout as her body was suddenly overtaken by a cold, wet sensation.
Trixie used her magic to set an empty glass down on the table. "You see? My aura is pink! Pink, not green! If I were a changeling, my aura would be green!"
Shivering, Twilight managed to remove an ice cube from the back of her shirt before looking at Trixie. "Well, you're right, you're clearly not a changeling . . ."
"See! I told you!"
". . . but that'll be one hundred bits for simple assault on an officer."
"What?!" Trixie's brow furrowed as her eyes furiously scanned the ticket Twilight held out to her. "Is this some kind of joke?"
"Listen, buddy," Rainbow Dash interjected. "She's letting you off way lighter than she really should. So unless you're interested in taking a one-way trip to the slammer, I suggest you shut it!"
Trixie looked like she wanted to protest, but after a moment she growled and snatched the ticket from Twilight.
Twilight dried her face with a napkin. "Well, only one left now . . ."
A loud slurping sound pierced the air as all eyes turned to the curly-maned mare seated at the counter. After the last bit of chocolate milkshake disappeared into her straw, she slid her glass down the counter to join a group of other empty glasses. "Another one, please!"
"You sure have had a lot of those milkshakes today," Twilight remarked.
"That's because they're so scrumdiddlyumptious! That means they're really, really, really tasty!" A grin spread across her face.
"What's your name miss?"
"I'm Pinkie Pie!"
"Nice to meet you, Pinkie Pie. Now, would you mind telling us why you're going to the Crystal Empire?"
"Oh, that's easy! See, my sister Maud makes this really tasty rock candy --- what am I saying? It's not just really tasty, it's the best in the world! So anyways, I was munching on a stick of strawberry rock candy --- strawberry's my favorite flavor, but she makes lots of other yummy flavors, like orange and banana and blue raspberry and watermelon --- and then I thought to myself, 'Hey, I've never been to the Crystal Empire before.' And then I thought, 'Why not go check it out?' So I did!"
Twilight stared for a minute. "So . . . you just decided to go for no particular reason?"
"Pretty much."
"Can I see your ID, miss?"
"Uh, I think I left it back at the hive . . ."
"What did you say?"
"Hey, have you ever wondered what cotton candy dipped in chocolate would taste like?"
Rainbow Dash came forward. "Who won the gold medal for Stunt Flying at last year's Equestria Games?"
"Cloudsdale, of course!" Pinkie answered. "You should have seen it! Spitfire did her famous fire-dive, but the best part was when Soarin' did a triple loop-de-loop and a barrel roll at the same time! It was amazing!"
Twilight and Rainbow shared a look, unsure of what to make of this strange pony, when the phone hanging on the wall rang. Flash began to walk towards it.
"I'll answer, if you don't mind," Twilight declared. She picked up the phone.
"Hello? . . . It is? Gosh, that's awfully quick . . . well, thank you for calling. Goodbye." She put the receiver back on the wall.
"The bridge is fixed," she explained. "He said that it's okay to cross now."
"Are ya sure about that?" the bus wagon driver asked. "The ponies that were there before said it would take at least three hours just to get the part they needed."
"He said he was from the Equestria Department of Engineering."
The diner was silent for a moment.
"So what about the changeling?" Flim asked.
Twilight shrugged. "Well, Trixie's right, there could have been a miscount or some other simple explanation for the extra passenger. Just to be certain, though, Rainbow Dash and I will follow the bus in case there's any suspicious activity on the way to the Crystal Empire."
With that, everypony paid their bills and filed out of the diner. As soon as the passengers had boarded the bus wagon, the driver pulled it out onto the road, with Twilight and Rainbow following them with the police carriage. And just like that, the parking lot was empty.
About thirty minutes went by, and the cook was cleaning the counter. It didn't seem like anyone else was going to come that day, so he was considering closing and going home early, when the bell in the doorway chimed. He looked up to see the purple unicorn police officer.
"Welcome back, officer," he greeted. "Another coffee?" She nodded.
As she took a seat at the counter, he went into the kitchen and retrieved the pot from earlier, which was still hot.
"Did your partner go on with the bus wagon?" he asked as he filled her mug.
"Indeed," she answered. "Turns out the bridge wasn't sturdy after all." As she spoke, she took a sugar cube from the bowl on the counter and dropped it into the coffee with a plop. "The coroners will have their hooves full in the morning," she added while stirring her coffee.
The cook paused for a moment, processing the news, then shrugged and resumed cleaning the counter. When he finished, he went into the kitchen and opened the freezer to take inventory of the oat burger patties, when a thought struck him. He dashed back out to the counter.
"Wait a minute! Your partner, wasn't she a pegasus? And there was that alicorn, too . . . how are you, of all ponies, the only one who got away? You're not even wet!"
The officer stared at him for a minute, then chuckled. "Well, how do you think? I flew, obviously!"
The cook cocked his head. "Flew?" It was then that he noticed a pair of lavender wings flanking the officer's sides.
"But . . . how . . . I thought that earlier you were . . ."
". . . just a regular old unicorn?" she finished. Then she smiled. "I assure you that's not the case. In fact, I'm not even an alicorn."
The cook stepped back. "Then . . . what are you, exactly?"
The officer was silent for a moment. Then she took another sugar cube and added it to her coffee.
"I said earlier that paranoia can be a dangerous thing," she remarked. "But in the hooves of someone who knows how to use it, it can also be an incredibly useful thing. All that's needed is to create a few disturbances . . ."
At that moment, the lights flickered off and on. Then the radio turned on for a few seconds, and the telephone rang. After that, the sugar bowl sitting on the counter exploded. The cook, whose eyes had shot around the room as these strange occurrences repeated themselves, looked back at the officer.
"Simple spells, really," she continued calmly. "It wasn't even difficult to make my aura invisible. But of course, not much of anything is difficult for the queen of the changelings --- not even covering up the fact that we're establishing a colony in the Crystal Empire." With that, she nonchalantly began to drink her coffee, only stopping when the cook suddenly burst into laughter.
"What's so funny?"
"Well, it's just . . . you say that you're Chrysalis, the unstoppable queen of the changelings?"
Chrysalis, taken aback, regarded the cook uncertainly. "Yes . . ."
"Then how could you not know that the umbrums have had an underground colony in the Crystal Empire for years? Any changelings attempting to infiltrate it would have been intercepted a long time ago!" He continued to laugh, then remembered the mess from the broken sugar bowl on the floor and bent down to grab the dustpan and broom under the counter.
Chrysalis was frozen. "But . . . that's impossible!" she sputtered. "The Umbrum Civilization vanished a thousand years ago! And even if it did return, how would you know, Flash?"
The cook continued to sweep up the sugar and ceramic shards. Then he turned and stood to empty the dustpan into the trash can behind him. "There's something you should know, Chrysalis."
"What's that?"
He turned to face her, and Chrysalis saw that his eyes, which had been cornflower blue before, now were a deep red.
"My name isn't really Flash." He raised his hoof to his forehead and lifted the front of his paper cap, revealing a smooth, curved horn that shone crimson.
"It's Sombra, but you may call me 'Your Majesty' . . ."
Author's Note
Incident on an island, to be believed or disbelieved. However, if a level-headed cop named Twilight Sparkle or a good-natured orange pegasus who handles a spatula as if he'd been born with one in his hoof --- if either of these entities walk onto your premises, you'd better hold their wings --- all four of them --- and keep a close eye on their horns --- both of them. The beings in question might try to pull you in --- to The Twilight Zone.
