The Diary of Matt

by BurningMockingJay

Rating: teen
Tags: Big Macintosh, Human, Granny Smith, Sad, Applejack, Apple Bloom, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Romance, Winona
Length: 3657

When Matt's friend, Apple Bloom, is left in a coma after a selfish act, he begins to feel pure guilt and writes a diary over the time she is out for. These are his entries.

PLEASE NOTE: This is an alternative to how I actually planned
The Day I Became a Millionaire to play out after the first chapter. I strongly advise that you give that a read first, otherwise you are going to be very lost.
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Rated 'Teen' for themes!
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I've never felt so guilty about something in all of my life. Because of me, she may never wake up! Ever since the accident, she has barely shown any signs of waking.

Applejack decided to give me a blank diary of sorts and advised that I write how I feel in it to keep myself from beating myself up. With nothing better to do as I wait for my friend to hopefully wake up, I might as well give it a try to occupy my free time.

Published 2015-11-09 19:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2016-07-23 19:44:34 UTC

Diary Entry Two - Hope on a Thread

Today, we got a doctor in to give us all a diagnosis on Apple Bloom's current condition as all of us waited as patient as we could at the opposite side of the bed to the doctor as he examined her with one of those things that allows you to hear the patient's heartbeat through vibrations in the metal it was made from and feeling around her limbs with his hooves where he suspected her bones may be broken.

He did this for a while, much to our ever so increasing impatience (especially Applejack's) and once he finished diagnosing her, he turned to us with a small frown. Catching on this, Granny was the first to ask him how she was and thankfully, he told us that whilst some of her bones were either broken in one or more places or badly bruised, she was going to make a full recovery.

He later advised that in the case of something happening while she was recovering, somepony or rather someone should watch her every now and then. (Namely, me.).

For the first half of the second day and having no luck on Apple Bloom waking up, Applejack decided to join me to keep me company. She sat next to her sister on the bed and I kept my gaze fixated on the still motionless mare who laid under her covers from my standing position beside her.

As much as I knew Applejack was trying to hide her eyes from me, I could easily tell she was crying. Given the situation, it was okay to cry. In an attempt to redeem myself, I came closer to her and pulled her into a hug.

I never even realized how soft her coat was before and to be feeling it now against my bare skin, it felt rather relaxing. Even more so when she wrapped her hooves around my back, allowing me to feel just how strong they were from all the farm activities she does on a daily basis.

I knew all too well in such a short time how much her little sister meant to her and to be the cause of her current condition was like having a thunderbolt strike through my heart and every ounce of that pain kept growing and growing with each passing minute during every day that she still hasn't woken up.

Waiting was the only option left for all of us and for both me and Applejack, we knew deep down that we had to stay strong for the others, especially if we are to make it through this. It's what Apple Bloom would want instead of us falling apart in our own heartache over her.

Like it or not, we didn't really have much of a choice.

Around the farm, in hopes of redeeming myself, I did all I could wherever I could to help make it up to the family for what my actions caused. Whether that be outside helping Applejack with the orchards occasionally alongside Big Mac or helping Granny Smith in the kitchen when she needed it.

With thanks to my various woodwork skills and DIY knowledge and experience, I even managed to pass the time by helping Applejack rebuild some parts of the barn so they were all ready to be nailed back into their rightful places. It didn't matter to me that I ended up getting cut here or there on my skin or my clothes. All that mattered to me was doing right by the Apples for all of their hospitality.

It was the least I could do to return the favor.

On my night shifts alone upstairs when everypony else was fast asleep in the increasingly late night, I would often watch Apple Bloom sleep silently through the light that her bedside lamp provided along with the moonlight from outside that was allowed in through her window.

Every night was always the same: pure quietness within darkness that was only broken by the dim light from her lamp and her short breaths each time she breathed.

It made me smile but frown at the same time, seeing how helpless she looked. With my hand, I gently stroked her mane, the softness of it still the same, silky-like feeling that I remembered. From my touch, I was surprised to see that a small, comfortable smile had formed on her lips.

Smiling back to her blind eyes, I hugged her loosely, transferring some of my bodily heat to her slightly colder figure. As I was hugging her, I could hear what sounded like the door creaking open behind me, followed by what sounded like small taps against the wooden floorboards.

I didn't even need to look up when the source of the noise came in front of me and I could see the face of Winona, the family sheep dog. Her brown and white coat were as smooth as ever and being a well cared for animal, she always looked as if she had a bath, despite it was a well known fact that dogs absolutely dread having baths for insecurity reasons.

She came up beside Apple Bloom's expressionless face and sat down next to her, nuzzling her cheek with her nose, whining at her injured co-owner. I smiled to her, giving her a reassuring pat on the head.

Through my stay with the Apples, Winona has gotten used to my presence and now allows me to pet her. I would always remember how affectionate she was towards Apple Bloom when I first met her and that gave me a hint as to how deep their bond was with each other.

Winona cuddled up beside her cheek and rested her small, furry chin beneath the crook of Apple Bloom's neck.

Poor girl.

Well, this is probably the longest I've ever bothered writing a diary entry for and I guess I best be wrapping this one up. Right now, I'm gonna go to sleep by my friend's side. Even if I know that chances of her waking up tomorrow or later on this evening are slim, I'm going to sleep here anyway in case she does wake up.

Maybe my dreams will manage to bring a smile to my lips for a change from this depressing sea of decreasing hope.

Diary Entry Three - Sleepless

Dear Diary,

I can't sleep. I just can't.

I still found myself close by the side of Apple Bloom who was still unconscious in bed and the night had long grown into the late hours, leaving only a few more hours to go until sunrise.

No matter how heavy and tired my eyes felt, I couldn't seem to fall asleep. Across from me on the other side of Apple Bloom was Winona and she had fallen asleep a while back, curled up beside her sleeping co-owner that she shared a strong bond with.

You know, I don't even have a clue why I'm even bothering with this diary. I know I promised Applejack that I'd put it to good use to trace my thoughts and record them to keep me from beating myself up, but I honestly think it is doing me more emotional harm than intended.

This was my fault and no matter how hard I tried to block out the memory of what drove us into all of this, it's of no use. What kind of friend am I? Not just to Apple Bloom, but to her family? Especially after all they've done to keep my happy and making sure I was well cared for after allowing me in their home?

A fucking terrible friend, that's what. I mean, what kind of friend lies to another friend and breaks a promise that also breaks their heart in the process?

Looking out of the window now, I could see that red, piece of expensive metal and fancy electronic components that was my Ford Mustang that was now battered and scratched in multiple places, including huge dents in the bonnet from when I plowed myself into that tree back on Earth because I was too reckless to even care about what I was doing.

It was like it was mocking me, tormenting me with the joyous rushes of adrenaline that it promised as it still stood located in the orchard amongst all the trees that stood proudly around it.

It was too much for me to bear looking at and it felt like it was slowly driving my mind insane.

I only found comfort from my troubles when I was with Apple Bloom and in some ways, it made me feel a little confused as to why I felt that way, but in other ways, it made my heart feel warmer inside, despite the ache that never seemed to leave it.

I would spend most of the night watching her and Winona sleep, gently stroking her mane to remind me that I was here for her, not to drown myself in my own sorrow.

That same night, I gave her my first kiss to her cheek. I couldn't tell if she could feel it in her current condition, but it did cause her emotionless lips to curl up into a small smile.

Then a small thought came into my head. Applejack works on the orchard and collects apples to sell or turn into cider, doesn't she? I think I recalled seeing her bring some barrels of the stuff downstairs to the apple cellar on the outside of the barn.

Maybe a mug or two would help me fall into sleep?

Diary Entry Four - Alternate Currency

Diary Entry Four - Alternate Currency

Alright, alright, when things couldn't get that much weirder for me, get this - I went with Applejack to Ponyville to buy some supplies to rebuild the barn and when she went into the wood shop, I found a small stand outside of the flower shop ran by a cute mare named Roseluck where I bought some flowers for Apple Bloom (red roses, to be precise) and when I opened my wallet, finding it to be heavier than it normally would be, I opened it and guess what came out.

Golden coins! Like gold-gold! Actual gold!

I don't even have the slightest clue on how that many managed to fit into my small, leather wallet and it was like something that you'd see in some kind of Looney Tunes cartoon or something!

According to Applejack, their currency in Equestria is referred to as 'bits'. Oh, and you should have seen the look on Applejack's face! Absolutely priceless! I seriously wish I had a camera to keep that moment for good!

Anyway, our trip to Ponyville was short lived when we got what we needed and whilst the laughs were good, I also met a pony named Pinkie Pie who knows pretty much everyone-er, pony, around here and I wasn't sure whether to find that creepy or simply normal considering how much of an open character she is.

Alongside Pinkie, I also met some pony that AJ tells me is called Rainbow Dash, basically a more tomboyish but less girly version of Applejack herself and just as competitive. Did I mention that when we met she literally crashed into me? As in crash-crash? She didn't really apologize as sincerely as she could have afterwards but I guess I could let it slide...this time.

You know what else was odd? The fact that even I am the only human here that is seen as another 'creature', the townsponies actually don't mind seeing me around, much to my surprise. You'd think that they would flee at the sight of a foreign creature such as myself. Well, they don't.

I decided to pay no mind to it and went along my own way.

Not much else really happened that day, either. Well, apart from when Granny allowed me to help her in the kitchen and she seemed to be impressed by my baking skills. She wasn't that bad of a baker herself. And the taste of her apple pies...oh! It was like heaven in a crusty sandwich with a twist of sugar!

Since then, she has offered to let me bake in the kitchen when I fancied it, including the use of her own personal tools that I was very grateful for. I was even more excited by having the opportunity to expand my knowledge and gain experience from what I learned from my own grandmother.

Upon nightfall, I again was stationed back in Apple Bloom's room, sat by her side like I usually would be.

Her breathing has improved and her colour has returned back to its normal shade of cream. I even took the time to keep her mane smooth and tidy by using her mane comb that was placed on her dresser at the other end of the room.

Her cuts and scrapes appeared to be healing pretty nicely, too. The same goes for her broken bones. What used to be swollen had reduced in redness and returned back to the point where it was almost completely normal.

Y'know, it's strange - I want to be here for her for as long as I can to ensure that she'll be alright and safe and happy but at the same time, I keep thinking about going back home with my family. If that was possible, that is. Which it isn't.

In many ways, it made me feel sad and homesick but in my heart I still felt happy. However, it didn't stop me from feeling disturbed at the thought of me possibly being dead from that crash and I still couldn't exactly wrap my mind around a reasonable and logical explanation for how I may be dead yet I'm still alive.

Perhaps my answers will be answered in the future. For now, all I could do was ponder on them whilst I look after my friend and her family. These next few days were going to be rough.

Diary Entry One

Alright, I've never ever written a diary entry before or thought about it for that matter, but given the circumstances and for my own sanity's sake, I guess I'm out of options with things to do.

Applejack gave me this old diary to write my thoughts in as something to do after what happened to her sister and advised me to use it to keep my emotions and my thoughts in check. I was hesitant at first with all of the guilt I still feel stabbing and eating away at my heart but eventually gave in to her request.

How could I have been so thoughtless and careless?! Apple Bloom, the mare whom I promised I wouldn't do anything stupid after she practically saved my life and looked out for me and took me into her home is now laid up unconscious in her bed because of me and what I did! All because of that damn car of mine!

I mean sure, it did cost me like fifty grand to buy from the dealership in new condition but the life of the being who took care of me and saved me was far more precious than any car can ever be!

So here I am, sat at her side on her bed with her, watching her sleep whilst I write with this prehistoric quill and just as old leather-backed diary in hopes of being there when she wakes up. If she wakes up...

No! No, don't think like that, Matt, you moron! Of course she'll wake up! She has to!

And when she does wake up, I'll be here for her, like she was for me through that time I was laid up in the barn when she patched me up and saved my life shortly after I crashed my Mustang.

Oh, Apple Bloom, I hope you'll forgive me someday. Dead or not, the thought of you hating me for what happened to you after I gave you my word I wouldn't do it is unbearable for me to even think of! I never even realized until the last minute that I may have just lost my best friend because of my selfish attitude and selflessness.

Reaching my hand out, I stroked her cheek lovingly with the back of my hand, feeling an inviting warmth radiate from her.

I knew she was badly hurt but despite all of the bandages around the majority of her left hoof and partially around her body, she looked so peaceful. When she slept, she looked like an angel.

Her breathing was a concern to me, though. It was slow and short and hasn't changed or shown signs of improvement after she got plowed into that tree during yesterday's storm. Hopefully, it wasn't something serious like a broken rib or a punctured lung, no matter how much I wanted to cancel out that possibility.

All I and the rest of the Apple family can do now is wait for what's to come in the future, this time hopefully for the better.

Diary Entry Five - Wake Up

Dear Diary,

This is unbelievable! Absolutely unbelievable!

During some point during this afternoon and when I was with Apple Bloom after around an hour or so of checking up on her, she finally woke up! She has actually woken up for the first time in four days of being in a coma!

She's still weak and it showed very clearly on her features and in her eyes. I barely wasted time in giving her a hug, being careful not to squeeze her too tight and I saw her smiling sweetly to me, the first heartwarming sign I've gotten from her in all the time she has been out for.

I called her family up, Applejack coming through the door like an orange bolt of lightning and nearly taking me to the floor as she came beside her sister's bedside within moments. Applejack wasted no time in wrapping her sister up in a loving hug and holding her in her embrace as her eyes welled up with warm tears.

From my position next to the door to the bedroom with my back against the wall, I watched the heart warming scene before me. Shortly following Applejack's arrival, both Granny Smith and Big Mac emerged into the room, first taking a single glance at me and then to the bed where AJ and Apple Bloom were holding each other in a hug.

I caught sight of a small tear in the corner of Macintosh's eye and he came up to the side of Apple Bloom's bed, causing her to let go of AJ and turn her head up to Macintosh to meet his eyes. With his expression faltering, a few tears managed to slip free from his eye and stroke his cheek and he knelt down, resting his chin on his sister's shoulder and wrapping one of his enormous, red hooves around her back and waist.

''Ah'm glad you're alright, sis. Ah missed ya.'' He said softly, a small smile manifesting on his lips. Apple Bloom returned his smile, gently touching her muzzle to his cheek.

''Thanks, Mac.'' She replied softly. She looked over to Granny Smith and gave her a soft smile. Her grandmother returned it. Granny Smith turned her attention towards me and asked me to follow her downstairs to the living room. Curious as to what it was she wanted, I obliged and followed her out of the bedroom, saying a quick bye to Apple Bloom before doing so.

Downstairs in the living room, I was offered a seat on the couch from Granny, so I accepted and sat myself down onto one of the surprisingly comfy and well-cushioned seats. Granny took her own seat in her rocking chair, just a few inches away from me.

''So, what's up?'' I asked her. ''Is something wrong?'' Granny waved a hoof at me, dismissing it.

''Naw, nothin' like that, Matt. Ah jus' wanted to talk. Y'know, clear the air.'' She said in that off-rusty voice of hers. At first I didn't think that by the last part of that sentence was what followed next, but rather something on the more...unpleasant side of things. ''Matt, Ah asked ya ta come down here 'cus Ah wanted to give you mah thanks for saving my granddaughter's life. She wouldn't be here if it wasn't for ya. Ya'll wouldn't be, neither.'' She winked at me, causing an embarrassed blush to burn my cheeks.

''Be that as it may, I can't help but feel guilty about everything. I mean, this happened because of me. If I wasn't as stupid and selfish and put my car first, nothing would have happened and she wouldn't have risked her life like that!'' I said, wiping my eyes with a shaky hand. My nerves twitch beneath my skin, like crawling insects at the pain and hurt I felt over what happened to her.

''Hey, now, don't go thinkin' like that now.'' Granny smiled at me with a reassuring look in her eyes. ''That's all over an' done with. Apple Bloom's gonna be alright. Nopony here's got anythin' against ya for anythin'.'' I forced a smile, albeit, a weak one as I met the elderly pony's gaze.

From beside me, a sharp bark caught my attention. Turning, I saw it was none other than Winona, the Apple Family's pet dog. She wagged her tail at me and hopped up onto the couch and onto my lap, cuddling against my arms and allowing her soft, well-brushed coat against my skin, feeling somewhat like a chinchilla.

Granny Smith gave a short chuckle. ''Looks like someone else is happy because of you.'' Looking down at the small animal, I gently ran my hand across her back in a smooth stroking motion, causing her to give a happy purr-like rumble as she cuddled closer to my arm.