Chapter 4: Too Many Pinkie Pies (Season 3; Episode 3)

Two days had passed since our visit to Canterlot. President Wier had gone back to DC the day after the negotiation, and yesterday I had some loose ends to tie up at base. I am currently walking to Ponyville, fully suited for continuity purposes.

I had nothing better to do today, and it is my job, besides being the field commander that is, so I was thinking that I could go along with whatever adventures the Elements are doing. I figured it would be a good idea to go to Twilight's library, which I had found it is what that tree with a house built into it was, to see what they were doing. I was in the middle of town, when I noticed Twilight and Spike at what appeared to be a café.

Spike seemed to notice me, which I was actually expecting, after all I'm a six foot tall biped wearing full combat equipment, ponies had been giving me odd looks the whole way here. He nudged Twilight and pointed in my direction. Twilight saw me and waved with her foreleg.

'Yeah, their joints definitely work a little bit differently than ponies' on Earth.' I thought, walking over to Twilight. "Hey guys, whacha doin'?" I said, noticing an apple on the table.

"Trying to perfect a spell to turn an apple into an orange." Twilight said, nonchalantly.

"Wow, you can do a lot with magic, can't you?" I said.

"It has quite a few uses." Twilight said. "Want to watch? It can be quite the spectacle."

"Why not, not like I have much else to do today." I responded.

"Alright then, now, where was I? Oh, yes." Twilight said, then lit her horn with what I assumed was the spell. The apple was surrounded in an aura the same color as Twilight's magic, and began stretching around a bit. Just as it seemed like the spell was about to work, the apple stopped glowing and dropped back down to the table.

"Try again, Twi." Spike said, "You can do it."

"Phew!" Twilight said, wiping her brow. "This spell's a toughie. But I feel lucky this time." her face became one of determination. She charged the spell again, "One, two..." as she was about to try the spell again, something grabbed her, screaming "HI!". Twilight fired the spell on what I assume was impulse, it bounced off the roof of the café, then the ground, then hit and unsuspecting blue jay.

I turned back to Twilight, and saw Pinkie Pie hugging her around the neck. "What the fuck." I said, half laughing.

Twilight pushed Pinkie Pie off of her. "Pinkie, why'd you do that?" she said, irritated.

"'Cause hugs are funeriffic! Especially when you throw one around a friend." Pinkie replied happily, somehow wrapping her forelegs around herself twice. "Whacha doin'?" she asked.

"Trying to turn that apple into an orange." Twilight answered, still irritated.

"But you kind of threw her aim off." Spike said.

I was more confused than anything. "Where the hell did you even come from?" I asked, honestly not expecting an answer.

"Whee! What a cute orange birdie!" Pinkie said as the blue jay flew past her. Everything but it's wings and tail were indeed transformed into an orange. "Do me next Twilight! Do me! Do me!" Pinkie then turned around and promptly slammed face-first into Rarity, who was wearing a black cloak for some reason. "Ooh! Rarity, want to see Twilight turn me into an orange? It's gonna be funna-fun-fun!"

"As fun as creating an haute-couture ensemble that I just finished making?" Rarity said, throwing off her cloak to reveal a dress that would make a six year old girl gag. "Delightful, no?" she suddenly had some french sort of accent.

Pinkie gasped. "This is terrible!" she said.

"I admit it's perhaps my finest work, but I-" Rarity started, but was interrupted by Pinkie.

"You had total, awesome, amazing fun, and I missed out on it?!" Pinkie's eyes bulged out a bit on the adjectives. "Wait. What if there's more awesome, amazing fun with friends happening somewhere in Ponyville right now that I'm missing out on, too?!" She then promptly dashed away in a pink blur.

"We weren't going to turn her into an orange. I swear!" Spike said.

I was utterly confused. "What just happened?" I asked, still not really expecting an answer.

"Oh, that was nothing, dear. Pinkie Pie can be a hundred times worse than that without even trying." Rarity said.

"Yeah, like this one time, we were planning a surprise party for her birthday, and so we where trying to avoid her the whole day. She ended up going completely nuts and talking to a bucket of radishes, thinking that we didn't like her parties anymore." Twilight said.

"Wow. So, she's the resident party animal with ADHD... and maybe a bit of schizophrenia." I said, just trying to put words to what Pinkie is like.

"Pretty much." Both Twilight and Rarity shrugged.

"And that's why we love her." Rarity said.

"Eh, I could get on that boat." I said, shrugging.

"I'm surprised that she hasn't thrown you guys a welcome party, that's what she usually does when new ponies come to town." Twilight said, "And now there's fifty all at once. She's probably planning a huge one right now, come to think of it."

"Oh lord." I half-groaned, facepalming.

"Don't get me wrong, Pinkie's parties are quite possibly the most fun you can have." Rarity said.

"Ha, then it'll be even more fun if someone spikes the punch." I said.

"That's only happened once." Twilight said, lightly blushing and looking away, her ears also folded slightly.

"Wait, what?!" I was surprised now, "Someone spiked the punch at a party before, while you were there?"

"Why is that surprising?" Spike asked, he looked utterly confused at the conversation at hand.

"Well, that wine in Canterlot had barely any alcohol content." I said, then realized something. "Though, I guess it would take a lot less alcohol to intoxicate you guys than it would me, especially with my metabolism, and the fact that primates are more suited to digest alcohol."

"Well, alcohol isn't exactly very popular in Equestria anyway." Rarity said.

"Eh, just put some Gin in the punch at any party and you're guaranteed to have a good time. If know what I mean." I said, not able to pass up the opportunity to make a dirty joke.

"Okay, can we get off this topic." Twilight stated, unamused.

"Alright, go back to trying to turn your fruit into a different fruit." I said, leaning against the building.

"I'll see you later, Twilight, errands to run. Ta ta." Rarity said, trotting into the market.

"OK, Let's get back into this." Twilight said. She charged the spell again, and this time, the apple began to float slightly off the table and stretch in random directions. Then, there was a flash of light and in the place of the apple, sat an orange.

"You did it, Twi." Spike said, throwing his arms into the air.

"Man, I didn't doubt you when you told me what was happening, but that's still really strange." I said.

"And it's really taxing on the body." Twilight said, panting. "I think I'm going to go home and lay down with a book, if that's okay with you, Shawn."

"I understand completely." I said, nodding. "You go home an get some rest, I'll go see what everyone else is doing, and see where I can be useful."

"Alright. I think Applejack and some of her family are raising a barn today. Maybe you can lend a hoof." Twilight said.

"Yeah, I'll go see if she needs any help with that. See you later, Twilight." I said.

"See ya. Come on, Spike." Twilight said, trotting towards the library. I turned towards Sweet Apple Acres, put on some music, and started walking.

"Well, o' course ya can help out, sugarcube. We could use all the help we can get." Applejack said, when I arrived and asked her if I could help out. "Though, yer a might early, we weren't going to do the barn raisin' til this afternoon. Right now we're still getting the frame put up."

"Eh, I have some carpentry work under my belt." I said.

Applejack, seemed puzzled. "Ya do?"

"Yeah. After all, I'm human; jack of all trades, master of none." I said.

I walked over to the half-assembled frame of the barn, where a large red stallion was putting up the wooden beams.

"Oh, Shawn, Ah'd like ya ta meet mah older brother, Big Macintosh." Applejack said, trotting up the large red stallion.

"So, yer this, Major, Ah've been hearin' so much about lately." the stallion said.

"Yes, name's Major Shawn Foote, but unless you're an inactive member of the military, just call me Shawn. Nice to meet you, Big Macintosh." I said.

"Ah, just call me Big Mac. Most folks 'round these parts do anyway." Big Mac said.

"Noted. So, what all can I do to help?" I asked.

"Well, right now we're trying to get the frame for the front of the barn up-" Applejack began, but I got the gist of what she wanted.

"Say no more, my equine friend." I said, then walked up to one of the prefabs, and lifted it up in with both arms. Of course, this action surprised the ponies immensely.

"H-how can ya do that?" Applejack asked.

"I'll explain in a minute, now can you help me out here? This thing is not exactly light." I said, a little irritated.

"Oh! Right." she said, then rushed up, with Big Mac, and began nailing in the main beams that the walls would be nailed to.

About four minutes later, Applejack said, "Alright, ya can let it go now." I happily complied.

"Now, about yer strength." Big Mac said.

"Applejack, I explained the MES to you, remember." I said.

"Oh! Right, his strength is because of the metal thing all over his body, it makes him stronger." Applejack explained.

"Yes. It gives me the man power of five men." I said, moving my arms around to display the sound of the moving hydrolics for emphasis.

"Wow, makes ya really strong huh?" Big Mac said.

"Not just that, observe." I said, then proceeded to jump 8 feet into the air, do a front flip, and land it perfectly, with assistance from the MES, of course.

"Wow, impressive, but Ah've seen Pinkie jump over a building before when she was hyped up on sugar." Applejack said.

"Hey, there's limits to what technology can do you know." I said.

"Whatever, why don't y'all take a break. We got that done sooner than I thought we would, so we have time before our cousins get here." she said.

"I'm good." I said, waving her off.

"C'mon, Shawn. We got cider in the house."  Applejack said.

I thought on this for a moment, of course I knew she mean soft cider, but I'd also heard from Rainbow Dash that Apple family cider is really good. After a minute or so, I said, "Fuck it. I'm coming." and followed Applejack into the farmhouse, which itself resembled an vamped up barn.

Walking up to the house, I saw an elderly mare, she was a greenish color, and had a white mane and tail, though if it was because of age or natural color, I was unsure. "Howdy." she said when I got up onto the porch, "You must be one of them, humans, Applejack was yammering on about."

"Yes, I am. My name is Major Shawn Foote." I said.

"Well, it's nice to meet you, Major Foote. Mah name's Granny Smith Apple" I had to stop myself from laughing at the pun.

"Nice to meet you, Granny Smith, and please, just call me Shawn." I said, then followed Applejack and big mac into the house.

Upon entering the house, I immediately took notice of several photos on the walls. Some where vintage-looking, and showed a small family. There was a filly that looked like Granny Smith in all of them. Each photo seemed to be a later year, showing a bigger family and an older Granny Smith every time. I ran down the line till I saw one that appeared to be the present. I looked at the other wall that held personal photos. There was one of Big Mac when I assume he was born, one of Applejack that was the same, and then one of a pony I had yet to see. She had yellow fur and a red mane. Along with all of these photos where one that I assume are the ponies today. All of these pictures were surrounding one of an Earth pony couple. The stallion's fur was a lot lighter color than Granny Smith's, almost yellow, and he had a red mane. The mare was maybe a bit darker red than Big Mac, and had a blonde mane, like Applejack's.

"I see yer checking out mah family."

I quickly turned around to see Big Macintosh standing behind me.

"Yes, I just noticed the pictures. There are, however, three that I have yet to meet." I said, gesturing to the pictures on the walls. "I assume these two are your parents." I gestured to the photo of the couple.

"You'd be right in assuming that." He said, "But you aint gonna meet them. They're no longer with us." his tone and expression became saddened.

"I'm sorry to hear that." I said.

Big Mac sighed. "What's in the past is in the past, you said there are three you had yet to see?"

"Right, the filly." I said, gesturing to the pictures of the yellow filly.

"That's mah little sister, Applebloom." he said, his expression and tone brightening again.

I was beginning to see a pattern. "Does everyone in your family's name have something to do with apples."

"Eeyup, our family name is Apple, after all." Big Mac said, nodding.

"Are you guys coming or are ya just gonna yammer on about nonsense for two hours?" Applejack said from the kitchen.

Rainbow Dash wasn't lying when she said Applejack made the best cider. 'That's probably why she's named after whiskey, if Equestria had alcohol as a commodity, she would make millions.' I thought to myself.

My trained ears picked up a faint sound, one of hooves on wood. "Heads up, someone's here." I said to the two ponies in the room.

"Must be Applebloom and her friends." Applejack said, then turned to me confused. "Wait, how'd you know that they got here?"

"I can hear them walking around outside." I stated simply.

"How?" she asked.

I opened my mouth to answer, but before I could speak, the door swung open, and three fillies wearing saddlebags came into the house. They couldn't have been any older that seven or eight years old, and none of them had their, dare I say it, Cutie Marks yet. Along with Applebloom, there was also a pegasus and a unicorn. "Applejack! Ah'm home! Ah brought the Crusaders over!" Applebloom yelled, as I expected, in the same southern drawl of her siblings.

"Applebloom, ya don't have to yell. Ah'm only in the kitchen." Applejack said, walking out into the hall.

"Sorry. We'll be in the club house if ya need us." Applebloom said, walking to the door.

"Now hold on, little filly. There's someone here I want you to meet." Applejack said. Knowing she meant me, I stood up and walked to the door. Once there, I could truly appreciate how large I am to these ponies. All three fillies were only half as tall as Applejack, who herself is only half as tall as me.

"Oh! You must be one of those humans that Rarity was talking about!" the unicorn said in a high pitched voice, she was white with a pink and purple purple mane and tail. "I'm Sweetie Belle, Rarity's sister."

"Yeah, Rainbow Dash was talking about you guys yesterday." said the pegasus in a voice that was only a little more high pitched that Rainbow Dash's. "I'm Scootaloo, I'm not really related to Rainbow Dash in any way, but she treats me like a sister."

"Ah assume you already know who I am." Applebloom said.

"Yes Applebloom, I know who you are." I said. "Your sister and I were talking about you girls, she was telling me about how you do several activities to try to earn your Cutie Marks. I think that's pretty good thinking, however I'm partial to the name you chose for your group, the Cutie Mark Crusaders."

"Why's that?" Sweetie Belle asked.

"Well, the Crusades, on Earth, where I came from, where not exactly..." I waved my hand in the air, looking for the right word, "Successful. While they did do a lot of good, they did not accomplish their original goal of liberating Jerusalem from the Muslims. I guess what I'm saying is the crusades did some good, but did not accomplish their goal. But, it's just a name, it's not like karma is going to reflect onto anything with the name."

"Eh," Scootaloo shrugged, "to be honest, I'd just heard the word and thought it sounded good."

"As good a reason as any."  I said, shrugging. "In any case, I'm Shawn, more specifically Major Shawn Foote, but I'm pretty sure you girls aren't soldiers, so you can just call me Shawn."

"Nice to meet you, Shawn." Sweetie Belle said.

"Yeah" Scootaloo and Applebloom said.

"It's nice to meet you too girls." I said.

"Alright, like Ah said, Applejack, We'll be in the clubhouse." Applebloom said.

"Go on girls, Ah'll call for ya if Ah need anything." Applejack said.

"Thanks, Applejack!" The Crusaders said in unison, the dashed out the door, dropping their saddlebags on the way out.

"Oh, shoot! What time is it." Applejack said.

I looked at the PDA attached to the left forearm of my MES. "Four o' clock."

Applejack sighed in relief. "Alright, we have some time, we should probably get moving though, so we can be out there and ready by the time my cousins get here."

"Alright, let's get moving then." I said, moving to the door. Applejack followed, as did Big Mac out of the kitchen

So, apparently ponies aren't too good with simple machines. Currently, me and four ponies are pulling up the left side wall of a barn, using only one pulley. I would have said something but Applejack didn't seem like she would take any ideas. So here I am, pulling with all the strength even the MES can provide me. We were about to get it up, when I heard what sounded like an avalanche, and 20 high pitched voices repeatedly saying the word 'fun'. I was about to turn around, when Pinkie Pie came out of nowhere, then another Pinkie, and another, and another and so on until there were ten Pinkie's jumping around us. While I was not paying much attention, one jumped on top of Big Mac, causing him to drop his rope. Apparently Big Mac is a lot stronger that I thought, because the sudden increase in relative weight cause me to get yanked by the rope. I let go of it on reflex, causing the two mares and one stallion still holding on to the rope to get pulled slightly before letting go themselves.

The wall of the barn fell back to it's original position on the ground, and to my surprise, the rope attached to it snagged on one of the beams, pulling it off, and causing the rest of the structure to collapse in an absolute clusterfuck of destruction.

"Oh, phew. Looks like I haven't missed a thing."

I looked over and saw one of the Pinkie Pies standing next to Applejack.

"Ah wanna know right now, where all you Pinkies came from so Ah can find out who's responsible for y'all ruinin' our barn raising'." Applejack yelled, gesturing to the pile of lumber with a hoof. At the same time, six Pinkie Pies were climbing all over the half-built silo, and dashing away when it fell to the ground.

"Uh, you look pretty busy right now so," Pinkie laughed nervously, "maybe we should talk a little later?" she then dashed away. Immediately after that, the Pinkie Pies that toppled the silo popped out of the rubble, each saying the word 'fun' after popping out, then dashing away.

Applejack threw her hat on the ground. "Y'all come back here and clean up after yerselves this instant!" she yelled after them.

Through this entire event, I just stood there, trying to comprehend what the fuck is going on. "What the actual fuck just happened?" I said to no one in particular.

"No clue, but Ah'm going to talk to Twilight about this." Applejack said, storming off in the direction of Twilight's library.

"Okay then. I'm gonna help out over here." I said slowly, as I was still utterly confused.

"No, Shawn, we got this. You just go with Applejack." Big Mac said.

"Oh uh, alright." I said, then ran to catch up with Applejack.

We were about half way through the trip to Twilight's. Applejack decided to take a short cut through the orchard. It was then that my ear piece buzzed.

"Major Foote?" Someone said over the comms.

"Yes." I said back, holding the button.

"This is Corporal Jakeel, in charge of construction. Um, we were just, well, invaded, over here at the build site of the base, by a mob of identical pink ponies." He said.

"What? Did they say anything?" I said, exasperated and knowing what to expect.

"Yes, they kept repeating the word 'fun' over and over again while jumping all over everything. Made a huge mess of our materials. Luckily, most of the construction workers here are ponies, and the few humans are unarmed." Corporal Jakeel said.

"Alright, do what you can about cleaning up and return to work ASAP. I'll talk to the Elements of Harmony and see what I can do about the mob of clones." I said.

"Alright, Jakeel out." He said, then my earpiece went back to it's normal function of taking outside sound and relaying it to me.

"What was that all about?" Applejack asked.

"The Pinkie mob wrecked the construction site for our base." I said, very irritated.

"We need to stop them, before they hurt somepony!" she said.

"Agreed. Let's go." I said, then picked up my pace to a run.

"Okay everypony. Please, calm down!" Twilight said to the mob of ponies that had gathered outside her library.

"Calm down! I just had a Pinkie hurricane raging through my shop!" Rarity said, furious.

"And they trashed our critter picnic." Fluttershy said, in what I guess is an irritated tone for her.

Everyone started shouting about what happened to them, until Twilight said, "Please everypony, hang on while I try to figure something out." she opened to the door to the library with her magic, "Come on, Spike." she said, running into the library, and pulling the door closed behind her, only for me to stop it with my foot and run in after her, closing it behind me.

"Oh, Shawn. You're here, good, you can help find something that can help." Twilight said, then turned back to the book shelves. "I've got to try to remember the name of that legend she mentioned" I was about to go to one of the book shelves, when Spike pulled himself out of one, that he was apparently stuck in, holding a book. Twilight trotted up to him and lifted the book off of his head and read it. "Aha, here it is! The legend of the Mirror Pond. It describes a spell I can use to send them back where they came from."

"That's perfect!" Spike said, walking to the door, "Let's go."

"But there's a catch." Twilight said, "If I can't figure out which one's the real Pinkie, I might send her back by mistake."

"Well, we'll just have to figure out who the real one is then." Spike said, "Shouldn't be too hard."

"Couldn't have put it any better myself, Spike." I complimented him, "Now let's go."

"Does anypony know how we can tell the real Pinkie Pie from all the rest of them?" Twilight said upon exiting the library.

The crowd just kind of looked around, contemplating, while a Pinkie Pie bounced around through them.

"Twilight! I have to talk to you, I need your help!" the aforementioned Pinkie said, leaning on two mares in the from of the crowd.

"Excuse me, whoever you are, but I'm not talking to any of you Pinkies, unless you're the real Pinkie." Twilight stated, while a Pinkie was mimicking her every action.

"Ooh, but, but I am the real Pinkie!" Pinkie #1 said.

"No, I'm the real Pinkie!" another Pinkie said.

This soon spread to all the Pinkies.

"How in tarnaton are we supposed to tell which is the real Pinkie?" Applejack asked Twilight.

"I have no idea." Twilight stated in response.

"Me either." said Pinkie #1, who I had been keeping an eye on. "Oh, we've all got the same adorable tails. We've all got the same adorable manes. We've all got the same adorable hooves!" she said, holding each mentioned part on different clones in her hooves. "Which one of us is the real Pinkie?! Oh! I havent the slightest clue!" she fell to the ground. "And if I can't tell us apart, who can?!" she then began crying. And for once, I felt bad for her. I rarely feel bad for anyone.

"Oh, this is hopeless." Twilight said.

Currently, the three of us, Twilight, Spike, and I, were walking into town, flanked by a mob of Pinkies.

"Never lose hope, Twilight. How do you think I got this far." I said, speaking from experience.

"Shawn's right, Twi." Spike said, "Hey, maybe that one's the real Pinkie." he pointed to a Pinkie Pie that was slumped over on a table.

"Please, the real Pinkie Pie never sat that long in one place her whole life." Twilight said dismissively.

"You, of all people, should know to never judge a book by it's cover, Twilight." I said.

"He's right again! I'm gonna go ask." Spike said, then ran towards the Pinkie Pie.

"Of course she's gonna say she's the real Pinkie. They all do." Twilight said. "You're wasting your time."

At this point I just put my hand on her shoulder, which required me to kneel down a bit. "It never hurt anyone to ask, Twilight. It could always be helpful, despite the circumstances. And if for nothing else, do it to for your own sanity."

Twilight sighed. "You're right, Shawn. Go ahead, Spike." she said when she noticed that Spike was awaiting some signal.

Spike nodded, then approached the Pinkie. "So, let me guess. You're the real Pinkie Pie." he said, striking some kind of pose that was probably just something he always does.

"Heck if I know. Could be any one of us, if you ask me." Spike looked at Twilight and I, we just shrugged. "And if I said I was the real Pinkie, you wouldn't even believe me anyway. So just leave me alone. I've got some important poking the ground with my hoof to do."

"Well, she has a point." I said.

"Oh, guys, how are we gonna to do this? I can't risk sending the real Pinkie back into the pond." Twilight said.

"I miss, the real Pinkie." Spike said, sadly.

"Hey! What if you gave them a test?! Pick something really hard for a Pinkie to do, something not fun at all. Any Pinkie that can't do it goes back into the pond. But whoever wants to stay the most - that must be the real Pinkie." the Pinkie said.

Twilight and I both looked up. "You know, that's not a bad idea." Twilight said.

"Yeah, if the Pinkie clones are driven totally by fun, then they would not know all of us, and so would not put as much effort into staying with us. It's brilliant!" I said, my more deductive side coming in.

"Alright, I need to find the girls, namely Applejack. you two look for the others. Tell them to meet me at town hall." Twilight instructed.

"On it. Let's go, Spike." I said, then started running in the direction of Fluttershy's cottage. I figured, since it's on the edge of town, the girls would think it's a good place to hold out till the Pinkie storm ends.

"Hey, wait up." Spike said behind me, panting. I remembered that he was much smaller than me, so he would have a hard time keeping up.

"Sorry, Spike. I forgot that I was much bigger than you." I kneeled over, "Here, climb on, you can sit on my shoulder."

"Really?" Spike asked hesitantly. "Are you sure I won't interfere with anything."

"Trust me, even if I wasn't wearing a robotic suit, you sitting on my shoulders wouldn't be much of a problem. Now get on." I instructed. Spike shrugged, and climbed up onto my left shoulder, using small holes in the suit to pull himself up. Once I was sure her was on I stood up, "Now hold on." I instructed, then began running again.

"Whoa, you can really run, can't you." Spike said.

"Yeah, humans may not be built for speed, but I can still run really fast." I said.

In a matter of minutes, we had arrived at Fluttershy's cottage, and quickly discovered that no one was there. We began searching for the girls in the surrounding area, as Spike had informed me that the animals have large burrows, and Fluttershy may have asked them to let them stay in one of them. Apparently Fluttershy can talk to animals.

"Guys!"

I looked over, and saw Twilight coming down the trail. "Twilight! Did you find Applejack?" I asked.

"Yeah, I told her to get her family and round up the Pinkies and lead them to town hall." she said.

"Good." I said, nodding.

"Have you made any progress in finding the girls?" Twilight asked.

"None yet, but I feel like I may be on to something by searching around here. Spike told me that Fluttershy may have asked the woodland animals to let them stay in their burrows." I said.

"You may be right." Twilight said, "Let's keep looking."

"Alright, let me get down." Spike said. Twilight trotted up to my side, then Spike jumped off my shoulder onto her back, then off her back to the ground.

"Now let's fan out a bit, stay in earshot of each other." I instructed.

"Good idea." Twilight said.

Five minutes later, Twilight yelled for us. I went to the source of the sound, and Found Rainbow Dash waiting at the entrance of a large burrow. "Jump in." she instructed. I did as instructed, and jumped down legs first, and rolled at the bottom. I stood up, and my helmet hit the ceiling before I stood up fully, but I was only slightly hunched over. I inspected where I was and saw that we were indeed in what appeared to be an animal burrow, only with some furnishings like a wood burning stove and a set of stairs leading to the tree above. there were a number of animals in here, including a freaking bear, but I knew it wouldn't attack me. Regardless, I still kept my eye on it.

"I've been looking all over for you ponies." Twilight said, "What are you all doing here?"

"Fluttershy spoke with the woodland critters, and they've agreed to take us into their home till the Pinkie storm dies down." Rainbow Dash said.

"You guys, we're gonna fix this, and I know exactly how." Twilight said.

"Are we gonna lose our real Pinkie Pie?" Fluttershy asked.

"I don't think so." Twilight said, "Now come along. I've already got Applejack and her family rounding up all the Pinkies." Twilight said, crouching and crawling out the entrance. When all the ponies where out of the way, I threw myself out of the hole, rolling when I hit the ground outside.

"Nice exit." Rainbow Dash complimented.

I nodded. "Let's get moving."

"Welcome, Pinkies. Welcome." Twilight said to the mob of Pinkies that Applejack and her family had just corralled into town hall. "Please have a seat and make yourselves comfortable."

The mob of Pinkie Pies just completely ignored her and continued o jump around he whole place.

"Okay." Twilight said, "I suppose you can't be comfortable sitting in one place, but have a seat anyway."

I could see that this was getting us nowhere. I put my hand on Twilight's shoulder, "Let me handle this." I said.

Twilight nodded, and I stepped out to the front of the stage. "Sit. Down!" I shouted, extending the last word for effect. All of the Pinkies in the room complied, forming a large rectangle shape in the center of the room. "Thank you."

"Now, I suppose you're all wondering why I've gathered you all here today." Twilight said.

"For fun?" on of the Pinkies said, shrugging.

"No. Just the opposite, actually." Twilight said. just as she finished speaking, the door flew open and rainbow dash flew in holding a Pinkie Pie.

"Wait up!" she said, "I got one more! Found this one poking at the ground with her hoof, drawing frowny faces."

"Have her come sit with the others." Twilight instructed. Rainbow dash simply dropped the Pinkie she was holding.

"Pinkies, you've been brought here to take a test." Twilight said. In response, the Pinkies all groaned. "Don't worry. It's a simple test. About as simple as they come. And whoever passes get's to stay."

The Pinkies shrugged and murmured in agreement. "Curtain, please." Twilight said. Spike ran to  the curtain rope and pulled it, revealing Rluttershy and Rarity putting the last bit of paint on a wall. "The test... will be watching paint dry." she stated.

Every Pinkie in the room gasped in horror. "On your mark. Get set. Go!" Twilight said. The Pinkies leaned forward in attention.

"Oh! This is so exciting!" Spike said. Somewhere he had acquired popcorn, and was now sitting in the corner of the stage, eating it like you would at a movie.

'Don't know what the fuck you're watching, but okay then.' I thought.

-----five minutes later-----

"Okay, maybe not that exciting." Spike said.

'You're telling me.' I thought.

None of the Pinkies had taken their attention off the wall, but I could tell the boredom was getting to them. 'It's only a matter of time before-'

"Oh, hey! Look at the birdie!"

'Called it.' I thought.

Twilight lit her horn, and zapped the Pinkie that got distracted by the bird. The Pinkie expanded like a balloon, then exploded into a small wisp that went out the window.

Slowly but surely, the number of Pinkies decreased, until there were only two left. On a side note, Twilight's horn was glowing like the barrels of an M134 after a few seconds of constant fire.

The two remaining Pinkies were determined. It would have taken a long time for one of them to crack...

"Ugh! I can't take it anymore!"

Had Rainbow Dash not run out of patience.

Rainbow Dash flew into the air, and said, "Somepony's making balloon animals!" while pointing out the window.

One of the Pinkies' attention broke. "What?! Where?!"

"Gotcha." I said.

Twilight zapped the last clone, leaving us with only one Pinkie. The real Pinkie. We all walked up to her, as she kept staring at the wall.

"Pinkie, you can look away now." Twilight said.

"I passed?" Pinkie said, blinking and rubbing her head.

"You passed." Twilight said, "You're the only Pinkie who kept staring at the wall."

"I had to. I just had to. I couldn't leave my friends. I just couldn't." Pinkie said. "But I guess sometimes I will have to choose between them."

"I knew you'd be up to the challenge." Twilight said.

"I'm me! I'm me! I'm me!" on the second repeat, Pinkie jumped into the air and came back down on her back. "Or am I?" she went around feeling her face with her hooves, "Yeah. I'm pretty sure I am."

Dear Princess Celestia,

It's great to have fun, but it's even greater to have great friends. And having lots of fiends means that you sometimes have to make choices as to whom you spend your time with. But that's okay. Becasue good friends will always give you lots of opportunities to have fun. So even if you're missing out, it's never for long.

Respectfully yours, Pinkie Pie

Spike wrote the letter as Pinkie said the words, then wrapped it up and sent it via his breath, which I had learned had the ability to send letters to whoever he wants it to. I had also learned that the Elements send letters to Princess Celestia every week, to tell her what they learned. Quite the assignment, if you ask me.

"Hi, Pinkie Pie." Twilight said, "We were thinking we should go out and celebrate."

"You up for some wheelbarrow races?" Applejack asked.

"Or I could take everypony on a cloud ride." Rainbow Dash said.

"I could throw a party with punch and zesty cucumber sandwiches! Ooh!" Rarity said, rearing back and flailing her forelegs about.

"Cucumber sandwiches." I said to no one in particular.

"You want to know exactly what I feel like doing right now?" Pinkie said, then promptly flopped onto her back, and fell asleep.

"That looks like fun." Fluttershy said.

"You got that right." I laughed, my laughter soon spread to everyone else.

"You know, if stuff like this is a common occurrence like you said, this is going to be one hell of a good time."