Fading (and Glowing) Lights
i think the universe is on my side
Fading (and Glowing) Lights
by The Princess Rarity
Twilight released a sigh as she placed the last book in the box. It was hard to believe, she still had things stowed away - here, her home. Her true home. No home away from home. No Library in a tree or elaborate Castle. A small house in the Southern suburbs of Canterlot was where she began.
Now, it was where she wasn’t quite ending, but rather, turning over to a new chapter. A second part.
Each box was organized multiple ways; first by size, then content and finally, importance.
Yes, her collection of stuffed animals was easily one of the biggest boxes, but she was a grown mare now. Did she really need to bring every single one of them? However, the box of her trinkets, books, journals and chalkboards all fit in one small box, but it was easily one of the most valuable.
There was a tap on the door, followed a voice - “Need any help?”
“No,” Twilight said, managing something of a smile as she turned around. “Thanks, anyway, Dad.”
“Oh,” Night Light muttered. His eyes travelled around, eyeing his daughter’s now barren bedroom. “You cleaned up pretty quickly.”
Twilight nodded. “There wasn’t much left,” she mused.
Of course there wasn’t. Some of her belongings were still at her tower in the school. A majority of things were burned with Golden Oaks. The rest was stowed away, here and there, in her new Castle. But now, to know that she was transferring it all somewhere else almost made her heart soar. A place that was safer, simpler, than all of the rest.
“You’ll have time to visit, won’t you?” Night Light said, apparently trying to crack a joke.
“I always do,” Twilight assured.
She started levitating boxes out into the hall, making a small pile. The carriage should be here to pick them soon, she thought. There were approximately twenty-three boxes. She counted them three times, just to make sure. The carriage would be here in roughly thirty minutes. She would have enough room to ride back to the center of Canterlot…
...and stay there.
“Did you need anything?” Twilight said softly.
Night Light shook his head- and yes, she knew it, she saw tears in her father’s eyes. “Just wanted to see how much you’ve grown up,” he said, with a soft chuckle.
He cried. Her father was a very emotional stallion. He cried when his children left home for better things, he cried during Shining Armor’s wedding, he cried at Twilight’s coronation and he was crying now, as his little girl spread her new wings and flew off to somewhere beyond the place she grew up.
Twilight playfully rolled her eyes, trying to keep the mood. And it wasn’t as if she didn’t want to-
-she just found it incredibly difficult. Almost strenuous.
“Where’s Mom?” she spoke up.
She didn’t expect her mother to be here. But hoping, just a little bit, never hurt anypony.
Night Light feigned a cough. “Your mother agreed to meet you at the Castle,” he said. “She’ll help you unpack and whatnot.” He waved a hoof at all of the boxes quickly piling up in the thin hallway. “Not that you’ll need the help.”
Twilight shrugged. She gently unfolded the tape off of one box, taking out a book to flip through random pages. “I might,” she said.
“Right, right,” Night Light retorted.
He dared to step away, but that idea only lasted a second, before he looked back at his daughter.
“You don’t have to move away so far, you know-”
“Dad,” Twilight declared, sincerely and quite like the Princess that she was now. She breathed deep, closing the book. “It isn’t far. It’s to Canterlot Castle. I’m moving there, and we went over this.” She swallowed hard, and placed the book back into it’s box. “We could have done it better, but we went over it. And I’ll visit. Isn’t that what I’m doing now?”
“Not really,” Night Light replied.
Twilight decided to hold it all back. Only twenty-five more minutes until the carriage got here. The number of boxes and minutes were almost even. Like the checkerboard pattern of the hallway’s wallpaper, and the stripes in the carpet, and-
-she unintentionally took a deep breath. She was past all that.
She didn’t have to count to keep calm. She didn’t have to hide behind book covers.
“I just need some time,” she explained. “Like you said, I’m growing up.”
Night Light pursed his lips, and gave a slow nod. In that moment, Twilight saw all of the wear and tear in her father’s face, just in that one expression.
He was growing out his whiskers again. She hoped he wouldn’t do that goatee again, like back when she was seven.
His golden eyes were a little darker, but she was going to assume that was the lighting.
His mane looked as if he hadn’t brushed it in a while.
And he reeked of cologne. As per the usual.
Twilight didn’t bother putting together the jigsaw puzzle this time around. She wanted to hope that it was something than her father’s typical behavior… but most likely not. She just gave him a smile, and continued to levitate the boxes of her items down the hall, out to the front of the house-
“It’s fine, really,” she assured, upon noticing her father also levitating a few boxes. “I’ve got this.”
“You always say that,” Night Light said, with a hint of melancholy in his voice. “Do you?”
Twilight seized up a little at the question, but nodded nonetheless. Her wings ruffled a little, a new nervous tick, and she might have started counting the windows-
-one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight-
Four top. Four bottom. Ever since she was a filly, why would it change?
...why would any of this ever change?
“You can come visit me, if you want,” she suddenly blurted out. “I - I’m sure that this house is big for you and Mom, all on your own with me and Shining Armor away.”
Night Light placed a box down, and sighed. “Your mother is thinking about downsizing, anyway,” he said.
Twilight felt her heart drop in her hooves. She knew what that meant, with any context or further explanation needed. “Oh,” she said softly. Her voice was gentler than usual, almost timid. “That should be nice for you two.”
She wasn’t going to focus on it, not at this moment. She had something great waiting for her right now, she wasn’t going to dwell on the ghosts of the past-
Seventeen minutes. Still twenty-three boxes.
It was almost strange how Twilight was finding comfort in numbers and books again.
“She’ll come to visit you, but you know how far Manehattan is from here-” Night Light muttered.
“Excuse me?” Twilight blurted out. Her eyes dared to go wide. “She’s going to Manehattan?”
Night Light hesitated, “I thought she told you.”
It was always this way. It had been this way when Twilight got her scholarship to Princess Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, it was the same thing with Shining Armor’s wedding, and this was another thing on the very, very long list.
“Mom hasn’t talked to me in a while,” she admitted.
“Your mother’s going back where she’s from, Sparks,” Night Light said. “I’m staying here.”
He noticed his daughter practically wince at the old nickname. Or maybe it was because of the sudden news. Both, most likely.
Twilight fell quiet. She didn’t have anything else to say.
The boxes didn’t need moving again - but she decided to take them outside, to the curb. The sooner they were out, the quicker they would be on the carriage and then, she would be on the carriage, off to her destination.
“Twilight-”
“-yes?”
Her voice dared to crack, but her tone was borderline rigid as she refused to look at her father.
Night Light bit his lip, running a hoof over his face in frustration. “You’re the smartest mare in all of Equestria, honey,” he said. “You know that this was going to happen someday.”
“That doesn’t mean I wanted it to happen,” Twilight replied.
Her words cut like a knife, despite their soft, almost shaking vibe.
Night Light stopped for a moment, and frowned. “I’ll leave you alone for a bit,” he muttered. “Let me know when your carriage gets here.” He stepped forward, placing a kiss on his daughter’s cheek and heading further into the house.
Twilight felt everything inside of her lock up. Not again. Not again. She bit her lip. She tried to think, of something to keep her mind off all this- but how could she? She didn’t want to use her old coping mechanisms. She didn’t want to hide behind book covers again. She didn’t want to count things, over and over, for no reason. She was past all that…
...or was she?
She unwillingly found herself counting the cracks on the sidewalk, how she made sure not to put any of the boxes on them. She tried to remember how many books she had total- was it somewhere in the fifties? She had no reason to do this-
-but at the same time, she had every reason to.
How could this happen? Just when she was overcoming everything at home, it was coming back.
She was grown up. She had her own life. She was a Princess, for goodness’ sake. But she was still just a pony.
A regular pony, with regular problems.
Twilight tried to compose herself. So far, no tears. That was a good sign. She tried to hold herself up a little, and to kill time, she levitated another book out of a box. A worn-out one, a novel she knew word for word from cover to cover.
Yes, Harry Trotter was very juvenile, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t like it.
Just this time, she’d run away to words. It didn’t have to be fictional or educational, just a book.
It always helped.
In fact, she got so lost in the words, she almost didn’t notice the moving carriage pull up. She cleared her throat, giving a small curtsy and murmuring a thank you as the pony began to load up the boxes.
Twilight turned around, and gently swung open the door to her house.
She was just about to call for her father-
-but she couldn’t find anything to say. She felt as if they had both said enough.
“Your Highness?”
“Hmm? Yes?” Twilight spoke up.
The moving pony nodded, and saluted his wing to her. “Are you ready to leave?” he asked.
Twilight swallowed a sudden lump in her throat, managing to nod. “Just a minute,” she said. She looked back into the house, and almost called for her father one last time. Instead, she hollered a goodbye and got into the carriage once the word left her mouth.
As she rode off, up to a new beginning in Northern Canterlot, she didn’t look back.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Luna stifled a yawn as she continued to wait outside the Castle. Occasionally, she sipped her tea, but otherwise, she kept her gaze stuck on the road.
As did somepony else.
“They’re taking awfully long, aren’t they?”
“Worry not, Ms. Velvet,” Luna assured. “Twilight should be here momentarily.”
“Oh, yes, I’m sure of it,” Twilight Velvet murmured, gently tapping her hooves on the fine ivory steps. “It’s just sort of surreal, you know.”
Luna’s smile only grew brighter. “Something like that,” she replied. She cleared her throat. “I don’t believe I ever properly thanked you for letting me court your daughter. So,” She managed a somewhat awkward chuckle. “Thank you.”
Velvet nodded. “It was my pleasure, Princess,” she said. “Really, Twilight needed somepony. As a mother, I’m glad she found the one who’s going to treat her properly.”
“Please,” Luna declared. “You may call me by my name.”
“Of course,” Velvet said, with a hint of hesitation. “Luna.”
Perhaps it was her lack of sleep, but Luna could have sworn she heard a slightly unusual shakiness to Twilight Velvet’s voice. Then again, all of the fidgeting didn’t exactly help the case either. Luna came to the conclusion that it was probably just parental jitters.
“I suppose I can’t pester you and Twilight about grandfoals either,” Velvet teased.
Luna nearly spit out her tea, but managed to hold it down. She cleared her throat and shook her head. “I don’t think that’s for us quite yet,” she replied. Or ever. “We are newlyweds, after all.”
Velvet tittered out a laugh. “I realize that,” she assured. “A bit unbelievable too. Seeing how your relationship was so brief…” She stammered for a moment, and waved a hoof dismissively. “But who am I to judge your love? You two are happy, and that’s all that matters.”
Luna had come to terms with the fact that six months was a little early to pop the question.
But it all worked out in the end, and that was what mattered.
A soft “yes” barely made it past Luna’s lips before she began smiling wide, and waving to the end of the block. The carriage was making it’s way past the spectacular golden and silver gates of the palace, and into the courtyard of the Castle.
As she placed her tea on the small porch table, Luna practically glided down the stairs-
-yet she felt a little confused when she started to notice Twilight’s conflicted expression.
Still, she kept her smile as the carriage halted and Twilight stepped out, returning the grin upon seeing those who were waiting for her.
Instantly, she was swept into a hug by her mother.
“Hi, Mom,” she said, returning the embrace. “How have you been?”
“I’ve been fine, dear,” Velvet replied. “How about yourself?”
“I’m here, aren’t I?” Twilight playfully jousted, with a grin. Her eyes drifted over, and she dared to blush under the gaze of Luna. “Hello to you too.”
Velvet laughed, gently nudging her daughter over.
For a moment, Twilight and Luna simply looked at each other, sharing smitten smiles and just barely there from snatching each other into the other’s grasp, like the lovesick fools that they were. Then, they began giggling like a pair of school-fillies just as Luna took Twilight, dipping her down and tickling with her wings and kissing her cheeks.
“You had me waiting too long,” Luna teased.
“It was a few hours-” Twilight’s face nearly went red as she noticed her mother practically gawking. “Luna, let me go.” Her statement ended with ridiculous laughter, letting her head fall back. “Luna!”
Velvet bit back a grin, and she playfully shook her head as she began to levitate boxes out of the carriage. “No, go ahead, you two,” she spoke up. “Really, it’s fine.” Her smile seemed so genuine, her tone of voice so bright and beautiful-
-but it was that tone of voice that caused Twilight to nearly go rigid.
She stole a quick kiss from Luna, and untangled herself from the grasp.
“Mom, do you want a hoof with those?” Twilight asked.
“It’s not too much of a hassle,” Velvet assured. “You should go and explore your new home.” Her voice quavered on the last two words, and it was undeniable.
Twilight shook her head. “No, I’ll let you know where I need things,” she insisted. “Luna, why don’t you request us some tea?”
It was clear to see that even Luna was catching onto the sudden uneasiness, and she nodded. “You know your way around, love,” she said. She looked to Velvet with a raised eyebrow. “Would you like to stay for dinner?”
“I’ve got to be home soon,” Velvet replied. “Thank you very much for the offer.”
Twilight shot a smile to her wife before she followed her mother into the Castle, past a small row of Guards. At first, it was just Twilight directing the two of them through the corridors and halls until they started to slow down a little.
“This is where Luna and I will be,” she explained. “The West Wing.”
“It was rather nice of Princess Celestia to give this to you,” Velvet murmured.
“Yeah, some wedding present alright,” Twilight replied, a little breathless in disbelief. “I was considering Ponyville but seeing how often I have to commute here, it just makes things easier.” She placed a box near a door, giving a beckoning nod. “This is good. I can unpack from here.”
Velvet nodded slowly, perhaps a little too slowly…
“I already went over this with Dad,” Twilight added. “I don’t want to have to go over with it you too.”
“I don’t know what you’re referring to, dear,” Velvet mused, as she placed the parcel down. “There’s nothing to go over.” Her blue eyes narrowed a little, and she raised an eyebrow. “There isn’t, is there?”
Twilight released a shaky breath. “Well, aside from the fact that you’re moving to Manehattan and I just found out now, and you and Dad can’t just act like reasonable ponies about anything, yes, I would say that there’s absolutely nothing to talk about,” she replied snippily. “No, nothing at all! I mean, sure, I’m a nervous wreck during what should be the happiest time of my life, but it’s fine!”
Velvet frowned. “What reason do you have to be nervous?” she muttered. “You have all of the things so many other ponies can only dream of.”
“What reason?!” Twilight snapped. “Oh, I don’t know, there’s lots of things-”
She stopped suddenly when she saw Luna turn the corner with a tea tray, looking rather surprised at the scene before her. Twilight and Velvet glanced to each other, a little embarrassed, before Twilight cleared her throat, and folded her wings close. Since this whole Princess thing overcame her, she managed to compose herself rather quickly.
“Lots of things I’d like to put past me,” she mumbled.
Velvet tried hard not to wince at the statement. Instead, she pursed her lips and gave a curt nod. “I’ll call you when I get to Manehattan tomorrow,” she said.
“That’s fine,” Twilight replied, her eyes going downcast. “Have a safe train ride.”
Velvet bestowed a quivering smile as she headed out, with only a brief look back.
Luna stood frozen for a moment, feeling as she was still stuck in the crossfire. She simply watched as Twilight began to unpack, practically stomping in and out of the corridors.
Finally, Luna found herself back to normal and words seemed realistic.
“Twilight? Is something going on?”
“No,” Twilight instantly said.
However, Luna noticed her wife’s lips moving at a rapid speed, whispering- murmuring something under her breath. Twilight had her gaze fixated on the floor while she carried her belongings into their region of the vast Castle.
Luna could barely hear it, but she didn’t assume it was anything directed towards her-
-as she took steps closer, she noticed it wasn’t directed at anypony.
Twilight was counting, but it wasn’t the boxes or the books or any other items she had brought with her. She was counting ... something else. What exactly, Luna wasn’t sure.
But she wasn’t going to push. Despite the answer, she could tell that something was bothering Twilight.
“Well,” Luna trailed off for a moment, then cleared her throat. “If you ever need to talk, I’m here.”
“Luna,” Twilight sighed, as she placed down a box and looked back at her wife. “I’m fine. I really am. Right now, being with you, is amazing. A-and I want to show it, but-” She bit her lip. “-you wouldn’t get it.”
Luna arched an eyebrow. “Twilight, beg my pardon,” she mused. “I couldn’t help but notice you’ve been acting off once in awhile.” She was surprised when Twilight suddenly looked alarmed. “Not always. Just from time to time- and I couldn’t help but wonder…”
For a moment, she trailed off, not being able to say the words she wanted to when her gaze was focused on the beautiful, intelligent, kind and sweet mare before her.
“I-is it me? Have I rushed you?” she blurted out.
“What?” Twilight said breathlessly.
“Tis but a thought,” Luna added. “I mean, I was very straight-forward with the proposal, and think, it’s been less than a year since we fell in love. Now, we’re married and… I was just curious.”
Twilight’s face practically fell. “No, no, Luna, it isn’t you, it’s not us,” she assured.
She stepped forward, reaching out to take her wife’s hoof into her own.
“Luna, I love you,” she said sincerely, looking deep into the other mare’s stardust colored eyes. “I love you so much, I could probably diagnosed as lovesick if such a thing really existed.”
This got a laugh out of Luna, and she playfully rolled her eyes. “You never were good with pick-up lines,” she retorted.
Twilight bashfully smiled, “I try. And it’s true. It’s so true, I sometimes can’t even believe it.”
“So, you being upset-”
“It’s got nothing to do with you, or our relationship,” Twilight trailed off a little at the end. “Well, maybe a little bit of us. But not necessarily in a bad way-” She realized she was putting her hoof in her mouth, and swallowed hard. “You didn’t do anything. I didn’t either. It’s just hard to explain.”
Luna felt her throat lock up - like words were jammed in there, trying to fight their way out.
“Start at the beginning, if you’d like,” she said, her voice going soft.
“I… I’m not in the mood right now,” Twilight sighed. “I hope you can understand.”
“Of course, love,” Luna replied, her voice barely above a murmur.
Twilight placed a kiss on her wife’s lips; sweet, sincere and oh-so-loving. When they parted, she genuinely smiled and realized the feel of adoration had cascaded to Luna, who was now calmed down from her slight worries.
“Now, how do you feel about leaving the unpacking for tomorrow?” Twilight said. “I’d like to rest- what do you think, takeout for dinner? I don’t want to do any cooking, unless you’re up for it.”
Luna chuckled. “You live in a Castle now, dear,” she said. “We have no need for that.”
Twilight blushed in embarrassment. “Right,” she mused. “I have to get used to that.”
There were a lot of things that she had to get used to.
* ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *
Evening came and went. It was just before two in the morning when Twilight rolled out of bed, finding herself faced with a sleepless night. She had tried becoming nocturnal for Luna, but some things just weren’t meant to be, and Luna had decided to comply for Twilight instead.
But no matter the time. Twilight couldn’t sleep.
It wasn’t a manner of discomfort … but something inside of her felt off.
She couldn’t help that think only a few weeks in, she had already ruined her marriage.
Their honeymoon in Salt Lick City was perfect, as if time had frozen, and their love affair before marriage went by so quick … but Twilight had felt as if she had known Luna for so long.
Her feelings were incredibly hard to decipher, she couldn’t even understand them.
So she did what she did best.
Twilight opened up her old methods and tried to calm herself down.
She sat on the balcony, drenched in soft moonlight; with a book by her side in case she grew tired of counting the stars. She was up to sixty-seven now- goodness, how many were there, just in eyeshot? And beyond that? The numbers baffled her.
She had already swallowed up the book within minutes, but either way, they were both comforts.
“Twilight?”
Luna was standing in the opening between their master bedroom and balcony; a puzzled expression on her face as she looked at her wife.
“You haven’t been sleeping,” Luna murmured.
“I’ve been out here for only a little while,” Twilight said softly. “Go back to bed.”
“It’s five in the morning,” Luna retorted.
Twilight’s eyes went wide. Perhaps she had been out here for a while.
Luna rubbed sleepdust from her eyes and softly yawned. “Not to mention you woke me up with your incoherent mumbling,” she added. “Whyever were you talking to yourself?”
It wasn’t exactly talking, Twilight wanted to say.
But she couldn’t. She had been past all of that since she moved to Ponyville. Her friends barely knew the details, her family was close to oblivious and she planned to keep it that way. She didn’t want to tell Luna, she never had and never planned to-
-then again, Twilight never planned to fall in love like this.
“It’s a nervous tic,” she confessed, her voice going small. “Not a big deal, really.”
“You’ve been doing it practically ever since you moved in,” Luna spoke up. It took her a moment, but she backtracked on what her wife had said. “What have you to be nervous about?”
Twilight knew it. She had been caught, more or less.
If only she could have postponed it a little longer - if only.
“Yesterday, you were dodging questions and now…” Luna dared to frown.
“I’ll explain everything at breakfast,” Twilight declared.
She decided not to step forward, try and embrace her wife to let her know everything was okay. That would be sugarcoating everything.
She was smart enough to know that wasn’t going to work.
Twilight waited until Luna was out of sight, and she trailed behind into the room. While Luna had gone off to take a shower, Twilight occupied herself with brushing her mane here and there. She wasn’t as disheveled as she felt, but nonetheless.
As she rang the bell to alert the servants that it was time for breakfast, Twilight couldn’t help but sigh.
Her parents were right, and so was Luna.
She had everything. Why was she so distressed?
Because she had it all. That was why. She was too uncomfortable with being showered of every single thing she thought up. She just wanted her normal life, her love and … and she realized that maybe even if she did have the normal life, she would still be unnerved.
It felt as if everything was coming down around her, all at once.
She wasn’t rushed at all. No, she was overwhelmed. There was a difference. She wanted this, but once the realization hit her, it made her stop back and think of what exactly was happening.
She thought a little too much, perhaps.
Twilight swallowed hard, looking up at herself in the mirror.
She was swimming in thoughts, maybe even drowning in them, while life passed her by. It was like deja vu. She was in this situation before; but it was at an academy and she was so young, so naive, and so sheltered. Lately, she had been trying to become more of an open book…
...she couldn’t help but feel as if she was failing at it.
Twilight released a constricted sigh, and headed down the hall towards the main dining quarters of Canterlot Castle. Look at this, she told herself. You’re living the dream. You’re royalty. For pony’s sake, you just got married to the most amazing mare in Equestria. You should be happy.
And she was. Really, she was. She just had trouble showing it, when worries plagued the back of her mind.
Worries from so long ago, it was almost idiotic to resurface them.
Upon entering the elaborate dining hall, Twilight seated herself in the first available seat, levitating over her bowl of oats and cup of tea. She barely had the energy to eat anything now that she was headed with such a daunting moment at hoof.
This wasn’t in her plan. As unrealistic as it was, she wanted Happily Ever After with Luna. That seemed like the only option.
A sigh escaped Twilight as she idly stirred her tea, letting her mind fog up for a few instants until her aura was disturbed by Luna, shuffling into the elaborate dining room and seating herself down next to her wife. With a halfway smile, Twilight levitated over the entire breakfast tray, sliding over a cup of black (decaffeinated, of course) coffee.
“Good morning,” she said, trying to keep the mood of their average routine.
Luna hummed softly, sipping her coffee and picking up an edition of the newspaper, flipping through the pages and frowning at each story. “So much for a land of harmony,” she sighed. “Looks like I’ll be giving another speech at a protest come Friday.”
Twilight nodded, and gave a small glance to her wife, as if she were beckoning the other mare.
It wasn’t until they had nearly finished breakfast, which was full of heavy silence broken by the occasional small talk, and they were down to nothing but their tea and coffee, respectively, nibbling on biscuits. Luna was the one to bring it up.
“So, what was it you wanted to tell me?” she asked.
“Oh,” Twilight’s voice went low and small. She wrung her hooves one over the other, eyes darting a little. She focused on her gaze on the newspaper between them, of course Luna would leave it at the comics section, each one with four panels, ten strips total- a breath escaped Twilight.
What was she doing?
She was bucking up and being a grown-up pony, that’s what. She wasn’t going to fuss any longer.
“Luna,” Twilight said her wife’s name with a tenderness that could only be described as loving. “Do you remember when we first started our relationship?”
With a fond smile, Luna nodded. “Ah, yes,” she mused. “The days you still called me ‘Princess’ and barely had the courage to kiss me. It was rather tiring how I always had to make the first move.” She placed her hoof on top of Twilight’s and chuckled softly. “We’ve come a long way since then.”
Twilight sighed contentedly, “Exactly.” She breathed deep, and managed the smallest of smiles. “But do you ever wonder why I was so … distant in the beginning? So inexperienced?”
“I had assumed it was in your nature,” Luna said. “You always seemed to be the bashful type.”
“It was sort of that,” Twilight admitted. “But there was more to it. I had always been really cautious of love. Before you, I had been on a hoof-ful of disaster dates and my only kiss had been because of a stupid dare. I never had much of a love life before I met you and I just … took that leap. It was a broad one, no doubt, but I did it and I don’t know why but I’m glad I did.”
“You’re rambling,” Luna mused, with a ghost of a grin.
Twilight sheepishly blushed. “Well, I don’t know any other way to say it,” she confessed. An uneasy breath settled out of her, and she tried to keep eye contact with Luna. “Yet there were reasons why I didn’t have much faith in love, or relationships, before you. I was fully committed to my studies and books and whatnot, because they helped me escape. They put me somewhere else entirely, you know? A-and then, I went to Ponyville. Then, everything changed.”
Luna settled into her seat, staring at her wife with simply a beckoning raised eyebrow.
“I made friends, I met you, I became a Princess, it all happened in a little over a year,” Twilight declared, with a faint smile of pride. “I’ve just been out of it lately because everything amazing is flooding in all at once. Even if… there is more to it.”
“I can tell there is,” Luna murmured, taking Twilight’s hoof into her own and gently squeezing it.
There was a moment of utter silence, as if it almost seemed breakable. Hanging in the air like a pendulum, swinging back and forth, daring to slow down. Until finally, it was Twilight who grabbed it, yielding it to stop suddenly.
A sigh escaped her as she found herself staring deep into her wife’s stardust colored eyes; “Luna,” Twilight murmured. “Let me ask you something: were you ever a hopeless romantic?”
“No,” Luna confessed. “That was more my sister’s department, and still is, to my knowledge. I feel that love takes time and work. Love at first sight simply doesn’t exist for me, never has and never will.”
“Well, then I wonder what you thought at your first sight of me,” Twilight teased amidst the seriousness.
Luna chuckled softly, a smirk creeping it’s way across her expression. “I thought, look at that positively adorable mare who hasn’t a clue of how wonderful she is,” she replied. “I must get to know her better.”
Returning the grin half-heartedly and blushing ever-so-slightly, Twilight cleared her throat to regain the mood from before; “Neither was I,” she said. “And I had good reason. It wasn’t my morals, or the way I had always been just because. There was a reason why I never had a serious coltfriend or marefriend, didn’t know how to act on a date, was too nervous to ask anypony out, et cetera. I could have done all those things, but the issue was I never wanted to.”
“Oh?” Luna spoke up, her tone of voice going soft and perhaps a little shaky. “Whyever not?”
“Because,” Twilight’s voice dared to trail off. “Because I never had a steady, strong example of love. I was sheltered. Sort of, lost in my own little world, because it was my escape from all of the- well, I - I don’t know how else to word it, the tension I grew up with.”
Luna fell silent, but her expression said it all - she was beckoning Twilight to continue. And so, she did.
“Luna, out of all the times you met my parents, did you ever notice anything … off about them?”
“Nothing completely unusual,” Luna replied.
A sigh escaped Twilight, “Of course you didn’t. Most ponies don’t. But that’s the thing, they put on a good show. Yet, for me, growing up with them wasn’t what you would call easy.” She paused, and took a moment to clear her throat. “I mean, part of me wonders if they even loved each other at all. I’d hear what they would yell late at night when they thought I was asleep, how my father had been drinking too much or that my mother’s job wasn’t ‘adequate’ - so that’s why I devoted my time to studies and books. It just, it took me away from all of it. Yes, I did develop a slight bit of anxiety from it, but Shining Armor tried to help. He told me to count to ten if I ever got scared or worried … I just blew it out of proportion. That was the mumbling you heard earlier this morning, and why you used to see me stare off in the distance, and mutter to myself. It was a coping mechanism. It helped me shut out what I didn’t want to hear.”
For a moment, Luna thought Twilight had taken a break, but instead, she stopped to shed a few tears, trying to brush them away almost as soon as they fell.
“I mean, for pony’s sake, I once heard my mother tell my father that she would have never married him if I didn’t come into the picture,” Twilight muttered, with a rueful laugh. “What kind of foalhood is that? Seeing everypony else’s parents all happy and normal, while your own most likely hate each other?”
Luna paused, at a loss for words and taken aback by this sudden revelation.
Yet still, Twilight continued to explain- or, rather ramble. “So you get my point,” she muttered. “The first example of love in my life, ruined. And I went about coping the best way I could, in words and numbers and magic. It seemed like my best option, so I wouldn’t end up like them; heartbroken, unable to let go, th-that sort of thing.”
“Oh, Twilight,” Luna whispered.
“I know, you probably think it’s stupid,” Twilight muttered, in between the occasional sniffle.
“No, no, no, my love,” Luna spoke up, finally wiping away her wife’s tears. “Twilight Sparkle, my dear, I never knew. I … I didn’t think that you had dealt with that.”
Twilight managed a slow nod. “It’s not that bad, you know?” she mumbled. “It just gave me a stupid reason to be scared over nothing. Because when I met you, I wasn’t scared. I wasn’t a complete outcast when I was younger, I got asked out a few times, but I always said no. I knew it would crash and burn, but …” Her gaze travelled up, and she found herself getting lost in stardust colored eyes not for the first time. “I didn’t see that with you, Luna. I saw hope. I saw light, and love, and everything good and amazing in this world and I wanted to take it for myself.”
Luna smiled humbly, and placed a kiss on Twilight’s forehead, right below her horn.
“Well, you did a fine job of that,” Luna assured. “You stole my heart within the first five minutes I started talking to you. Yet-” She sighed, slowly shaking her head. “-I had no idea how sheltered you really were, Twilight. I - I suppose we have rushed things a little.”
“I wouldn’t have it any other way with us,” Twilight assured. “It takes getting used to. That’s all.” A somewhat rueful laugh escaped her, and she shook her head in disbelief. “It’s silly, isn’t it? I know so many things about you - the full name you never answer to, how you have those tiny stardust freckles nopony else sees, your demons and desires, it’s all you, and I know it like the back of my own hoof. But I don’t know why I was ever scared of love.”
Luna smiled, placing a kiss on Twilight’s forehead. “You’ve nothing to apologize for, Twilight Sparkle,” she whispered, using her wife’s name - full, true and proud. “I love you, and I vowed to do so no matter what. My heart is hopelessly devoted to you, and that’s all that matters.”
Twilight blushed. “So you know it’s not you, right?” she assured. “It never was, and never will be.”
“The thought barely made it’s way into my mind,” Luna said.
The two mares shared each other’s gaze for a few moments, moving just the right amount of slow as they both moved in for a kiss; sweet and passionate, nothing short of loving and reassuring. Luna’s hoof gently guiding Twilight the right way, and Twilight playing with her wife’s mane as they locked lips for as long as they could before they pulled away, smiling and softly laughing like the lovelorn fools they would be for quite some time.
Hopefully for eternity.
~ the end ~
Author's Note
*screams because this took for-fucking-ever to write*
This is what happens when you listen to Taylor Swift's "Mine" whilst having feelings for the space horse wives. A few thousand words later... yup. I hope this is a helluva of a comeback for those of you who missed me!
In other news, writing Twilight is surprisingly fun for me. The OCD moments were a little bittersweet, though. I don't know the exact symptoms of OCD, so I didn't have her explicitly state what her "coping mechanism" was, but judging from her behavior in the show, it's not a stretch to say she has some form of it. So yeah.
I really hope you enjoyed the story, and if you did, I'd really appreciate some comments, upvotes, favorites, et cetera.
