THE GREATEST STORY OF ALL TIME!!!!

by The Dude

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Random
Length: 2837

After seeing a rule 34 pic of humans (Eww) I went to bed. When I woke up and sleeping next to me was Barney the dinosaur and he was like,"Bro you gotta write a fic." and I was like "Okay." and here it is.

Published 2012-06-05 02:14:01 UTC
Last updated 2013-04-19 23:21:17 UTC

Where is my super suit?

So Twilight woke up one day and was like "Spike I gotta go chill with all my homies, be back soon bro so rearrange the whole fuckin library." and Spike was like,"Fuck you I do that shit all day." Then Twilight was like "You better do it or I'm gonna rape you." And then she left.

Twilight went to Raritys Boutique, she knocked on the door and yelled "Rarity get yo fat bitchy ass out dis mutha fucka." Then the door opened and out came Rarity."Fuck you bitch" She said,"Fuck you and purpley ass mane." After that they had sex. And it was delicious.

Twilight and her vagina friend Rarity went Sugercube Corner to find some pink bitch.Twilight knocked on the door,"Hey stop making cakes and come out here and do crystal meth." Suddenly the fucking door exploded and out came some fat pink horse."Alright man." Said Pinkie Pie."Lets go."

So all the faggoty ass horses went to some barn where a bunch of murders happened."Applejack" Screamed Twilight,"Stop beating Applebloom and get out here!" Applejack responded with a kind,"Fuck you bitch I'm watching Jack Black eat a giraffe." And then then Pinkie Pie opened her mouth and pulled out some candy,"Come out Applejack we got Rolos." Applejack threw Applebloom out the window killing her and letting her get raped by a pack of wolves.Applejack peered her head out the window,"Rolos?"

So Twilight and her droogs went to Fluttershys house. Twilight kicked down the door and found Fluttershy and Hannibal Lector eating bagles."Yo Fluttershy we gotz to go." Fluttershy nodded and went to join Twilight and her crew."Fly Fly Fly." Said Hannibal, getting the response from Applejack who said "Shut up ya....you...you nipple." and that made Hannibal very sad.

Twilight and her friends found Rainbow Dash masturbating on a cloud. Twilight threw the body of Tony Danza at it to get her attention. And it did. Rainbow flew her face down to the ground to her friends."Hey." Said Rainbow Dash. "Shut the fuck up lesbian mouth wash we got shit to do." So all they all left.

Twilight then pulled some quills and some scrolls out of a dead baby she was keeping in her pocket."Dear Princess Celestia, today I learned about gay marriage and why it angers Ted Nugent. Yours truly, Ted Nugent."

And then Dracula came out and said,"IMA EAT ALL OF YOU." And then Fluttershy turned into a black guy and said "Get that Muthafucka." And they killed him to death.

But then Discord came out and was like "I'ma kill all you bitches." and then Twilight was like "Oh fuck." and they all dipped to some alley.

"What are we gonna do?" Asked Pinkie Pie."I know what we are gonna do. In order to defeat Discord we're gonna need to find the magical Steve urkel." Twilight said."Its up there in that high ass cave." Twilight then pointed to some high ass cave in the mountains.

So they 6 idiots began walking up this long ass mountain. But Rainbow Dash could not go on until she got another abortion so the others just left her in a bush.

Finally they reached the top of the mountain where the cave was. The cave was covered in long purple fruit."Whats that?" Asked Fluttershy."Dildo Fruit." Said Applejack. So they all ate the fruits and they got a lot of vitamins and minerals and all the shit thats in orange juice.

After that they went into the cave and they found the magical steve urkel breakdancing. So they grabbed the urkelator and exited the cave. Then they all parachuted down the mountain cuz they don't give a fuck. They even picked up Rainbow Dash who was playing left for dead with Francis.

So then they found discord chilling in his super bitching chair drinking chocolate milk out of a champagne glass with a silly straw. So discord was like "Sup bitches" and Twilight grabbed Urkel by the legs and beat discord to death. Twice.

So after they killed Discord they all went to celebrate by raping all the pandas at your local zoo. And eating all the babies at your local hospital. Oh wait, that was me. Sorry about that. Actually, I'm not sorry, they were delicious.

The Fuck Mothering End.

Oh yeah and theres Tom Hanks.

I have never had this much fun writing something in my entire life. This was really fun. After watching the entire first two volumes of of Aqua Teen Hunger Force and watching the movie, and after suffering a couple of bad mental and emotional problems I felt that I needed to write some stuff down. And here it is. Barney the dinosaur definitely helped me on this so thank him too the next time you see him.

Fuck Steve Harvey.

Why is a black man in my kitchen?

So spike was fucking chilling in the library smokin weed and watching interracial porno, starring Princess Celestia and Mike Tyson. As he was masturbating with butter he heard some fuckin knocks on the door. He got up from his couch made of Casey Anthony's skin and answered the door. He opened the door to find the ass tattoo crusaders, Scootaloo, Sweetie belle, and Applebloom (Who's anus and vagina smelled faintly of wolf.).

"What do you bitches want." He asked."We wanted to come over and be gay and get our cutie marks just like John Travolta!" Said Scootaloo. Even though they interrupted his massive masturbation session he did enjoy the company of hoes." Alright get yo asses in dis house." He stepped aside and let the ladies in.

Spike then sat his reptile ass back on the couch. The crusaders followed him but stopped to look at the television screen."Whats that?" Asked Sweetie Belle."Thats Mike tysons crotch." Responded Spike."Why is does this butter taste funny?" Asked Applebloom."Cuz I've been sticking my dick in it."

So Spike decided that porno wasn't the best thing to watch so he decided to watch "Ninja Samuel L Jackson vs Seth Rogen in Space Japan".

Fuck Steve Harvey.

Fuck it I wrote another one

Fuck it I wrote another one

Big mac was chillin on his farm, masturbating on the trees like he usually did. Then some cunt named Granny smith popped and was like "Uhhhh just because I'm old people think im homophobic". Then Big macs left testicle turned into a cannon and shot that bitch in the face.

Suddenly Applejack's ass came out and said, "Yo mac we gotta go sell apples so we need you to inject them Patton Oswalt's butt juice." then she went to the closest tree that was covered in Big macs protein shake. She stuck her tongue out and gradually licked the semen, suddenly a look of horror came on her face,"Mangos!". Big mac started cackling really fucking loud and fell as his dick split open and spiders came out.

So the orange bitch, the red faggot, and the creation of their incest trotted on down onto Ponyville, which took a long time since Applejack kept tripping on her vagina and Applebloom kept blowing strangers hoping to get some tattoo on her ass. They got to Ponyville and started selling some fucking apples. Suddenly the town whore trotted up to the fucking apple stand,"Hey." Said Pinkie Pie,"Hey BIg Mac I was wondering if you wanted a bj in that alley over there." Said Pinkie Pie, pointing to that alley over there.

"Get out of here you slut." Yelled Applejack."Im not a slut." Retorted Pinkie Pie."Oh please your so fucked even Syria is envious." Pinkie Pie groaned and then pushed all the semen out her vagina to use as a rocket to escape.

Meanwhile a yellow and purple penis were talking about how hot Richard Dawkins is."Cunt slobbering christ Fluttershy, why do ponies love and respect your fucking ass so much." Twilight then preceded to kiss Fluttershys anus."Twilight people apparently think i'm a dog with a cock, I doubt any one cares." Fluttershy then preceded to die.

Suddenly Tim Burton and his lover Johnny Depp walked up to the apple stand."I want some apples." Said Tim."Ya'll look like a bunch of fags." Said Applejack."Of course we are." Tim and Johnny began passionately making out in front of everyone. Suddenly Tim Burton pulled down Johnny's pants and the ponies were forced to watch as Tim explored Johnny's chocolate factory.

After the intense anal sex Tim and Johnny left to remake Edward Scissor Penis 5: The awakening. Suddenly Princess Celestia fell right in front of the apple cart."I need every apple you have." Celestia said, grabbing all of those apples."What a fat ass like you need all those apples for." Said Applejack."I have recently caught a disease where testicles are constantly growing out of my nipples." Suddenly the princess flew away back to her castle to jerk off all the guards.

The End

Oh and theres Tom Hanks.

How to Make a Sandwich

1.First you get some bread.

2.Then some tomatoes.

3.Then you get some lettuce.

4.And then you fuck all that shit and go on a rampage.

Fuck Steve Harvey.

Giga Nigga Adventures

In the beginning of time Princess Chodelestia decided there weren't enough faggots in the world so she created two beings. First her stupid blue sister Pumba, and Robert Downey Jr. Pumba later went off to become an alcoholic prostitute named Deliah and Robert went off to play Thor in the new hit movie Spiderman Rises.
Fast forward to the present day when a shitty OC character is roaming around Ponyville, gallantly skipping across the field searching for some hot pony ass. Suddenly he came across the Ponyville Elementary school for stupid fillies.
Out of the school came Apple Butt and Scootaloo.
"Man fucking Pre-school is hard as fuck." Said the poetic Scootaboob.
"I know man. Fucking teach making me try and spell Apple like what the fuck. Bitch nigga."
The shitty OC character decided to jump out of the bushes and pounce on the fresh butt of Apple Shroom.
"Aww christ not again." Said Apple Bloom, sighing after realizing she was going to be raped the 10th time today. The shitty OC then proceeded to tear open the ass cheeks of sweet Bloom, revealing her anus.
Her asshole was just a massive tunnel that led straight to Moscow. The hole was so huge due to Big Mac using Apple Bloom as his waifu.
After repeatedly destroying that ass the OC character decided to name Apple Bloom "Ground Zero" due to her ass's resemblance.
After disposing the body the OC decided to go Twilight's house for tea and sex.
As he arrived he swung his massively written testicles and broke the door. Twilight was sitting on her cum pillow writing stupid shit like this on a computer.
"Hey Twilight what are you doing?" Asked Chad.
"Shhhhhh I'm writing a review for my video game blog.
Chad then looked at her computer to see the masterpiece that was her review of the new hot video game, Bioshock Shitfinite.

Bioshock Infinite amount of anal cavities.
So Biocock Infant Tits is about this guy named Booker the shits rescuing this bitch Elizabeth
from Cumbumbula. Occasionally he would suffer from Booker Defits of rage and punch the shit out
her. Then he would eat a box of Booker Deritz crackers than take a Booker Deshit. Did you notice
all the Booker Dewit in this review? hahahaaha. In Buttlumpia they hate black people because they
hated making extra large underwear. Yeah. Oh yeah and Elizabitch can open tears into childrens
panties. That's my review of Bioschlong Limp Dick shits.
"Wow that reviews so good it belongs on IGN." Said Chad.
"Yeah!" Said Twilight, teeth smelling of Spikes dick and her fedora made of her own sadness and regret falling off her dick infested head.
"Yeah we have shit to do. Like going to Hitler Church to worship our Lord and savior." Said Big bad Chad.
"Shut the fuck up cunt butt" Said Twilight,"the oscars are on!"
There was a conveniently placed tv next to Twilight that was playing the oscars.
"Ladies and Gestlemen!" Said Oscar announcer Pat Boone,"I'm proud to announce the best movie of all time is...."
"SPACE JAM!!!!"
Shaq then appeared out of the period red curtains and began dancing up to the stage, all the while his massive penis swinging in his basketball shorts hitting small children and the elderly, like some Luffy from One Piece.
"Wow niggers can achieve things too!" Said Chad.
Twilight realized this exciting revelation in the study of Niggerdom, she immediately pulled a black board out of Spikes child cock and began calculating. Finally after much thought and semen cakes she found that Niggers=X/Black people, which means that niggers cannot accomplish things.
The whole in reality began opening like your moms legs when I come over and began pouring out all the cartoons Lauren Faust shit out when she wasn't too busy staring in the new Devil May Cry.
As the universe began soiling itself, the universal power, The All powerful Butt Clown, appeared to try to stop the world from ending.
When there was nothing left, Butt Clown decided Equestria deserved one more chance. So he summoned it's most powerful representatives. Carl, Half Retarded Simon Cowell, Egoraptor, and Twilight Princess Alicorn Extreme Turbo Edition.
"Now that you're all here" Said Butt Clown,"you must provide me with reasons to save your puny pathetic planet."
"I don't know" Said Carl,"how about you do it or I shove my dick in your arteries?" He then proceeded to throw his sandals at the clown, then he ate them.
Simon was too busy judging the shit he took in his pants and judging it very harshly. And Ego was too busy with nobody being satisfied with his content.
"Look almighty butt clown" Said Twilight," I don't know where you keep your anal beads, but I left all mine back at my house. Which was just swallowed by something even deeper than Fluttershys asshole. And I need those beads. To stir my coffee and my butt."
This convinced Butt Clown to recreate the entire planet in its entirety and he gave Twilight Tekken Tag Tournament as a gift.
Back at her house Twilight was slowly massaging Spikes dick.
"C'mon hurry up Twilight." Said Spike anxiously.
"Fuck you, I spent 10 minutes just trying to find it you fuck monkey."
"Oh screw-ew EWWW YOU!!!" Yelled Spike.
Twilight quickly put her coffee cup right under Spikes cock, squirting all the cum out of him into her coffee.
"Fuck man ever since milk became expensive....." She put her anal beads in the cup and began to stir.
When she was done she took a large sip of her coffee. "That'll do pig.....that'll do."

Fuck you I do what I want.

This was actually going to be another story I wrote, but it failed moderation for the following reason.

No.

And I remembered I also wrote a shitty story like this and decided I could just add to it.

And.....maybe one day....I will be.....Hokage....

An abortion clinic run by clowns (AKA the exposition)

Princess Celestia sat in her castle staring down at the mis-adventures of the purple slut and her fat fucking friends. Today she was more irritable than usual. Perhaps it was the fact that it was her time of the month and she was flowing like the amazonian river or the fact that her nipples were sore from the endless tweaking from the infamous Pat Boone. She looked down at the fucking singer,"Mutha fucka get the fuck outa here!!" she swatted him off the fucking castle, letting his face collide with the rocks. His dead body landed in a pit filled with Courtney Loves, who shared his body for sex.

Luna came out on the balcony where she saw her sister often contemplating or shooting porno with Featherweight. "Sister what is stuck upth thou butthole today?" Celestia turned to her sister,"I'll tell you whats stuck is...zz is yo FACE!" Celestia then grabbed a Charlie Sheen out of her pile of Charlie Sheens' and put his asshole to her nose and snorted all the cocaine before throwing him off the castle and making him suffer the same fate as the infamous Pat Boone.

Luna then walked to her sisters side."What is wrong my sister?" Celestia sighed,"Luna, you know when you're taking a really good shit. Like a really good shit. And when you're done you reach over and you find that theres no toilet paper. So you have to get up and walk to the next bathroom with shit in your ass and being naked. Thats where I feel I am in life right now." Luna put her hoof around her sister,"Thats where we all feel we are in life. Thats how we all feel."

I wrote this in 20 days, this is the best thing I have written since I wrote a play about a walrus struggling with his sexuality and his place in the Navy.

Fuck Steve Harvey.