Dot Dot Dot
The mood at the Trough n' Trot was lively, as it always was. Two regulars were in the back at their usual spot. Every Thursday night for the last five months this duo had come in for a few drinks and a good time; they'd managed to build up a great friendship and a reputation as partiers. During a regular night, the two ponies would drink together, and run up quite a tab. They usually spent their time talking, nothing more. Normally they were relaxed, but something was different that night.
The two stood in relative silence, and while that was quite normal for the stallion, the Pegasus' quietness raised a few concerns from her friend. Big Macintosh's neat whiskey sat on the table, untouched; while Rainbow Dash slammed her glass down after knocking back her third vodka. She wiped her mouth and signaled for another.
"Are you, uh, alright there, Dash?" Big Mac looked across the table at the collection of empty glasses that was slowly growing in front of Dash.
It didn't take long for the newest drink to join them.
“Yeah, Yeah I'm just fine..." Her eyes fixed on Big Macintosh’s face. The blue Pegasus quickly nodded and flagged down the bartender for yet another round. She could drink Applejack under the table, so these few shots did nothing to her system. It took a lot more than that to get her wasted. Besides, Dash wasn't drinking because she wanted to get drunk, she only wanted to calm her nerves for what she was going to say. The blue filly had no idea how Big Mac would respond.
"... just fine." An awkward silence followed, neither pony knew what to say.
“So um, how’s life?” Big Mac struggled to start the conversation. He didn’t usually do much of the talking.
“Same old, same old, managing the weather and stuff...” Dash didn’t seem to be all there, and she took another shot of vodka and looked off to the side.
“Well I think somethin’s up, you’re hitting the stiff stuff a bit hard t’night.”
He raised an eyebrow. Normally Dash had something fruitier for a drink.
“Yeah, so? It won’t hurt me!” she responded, unwilling to admit that something was on her mind. Her glass landed on the table and she immediately reached for another.
“Sure, but it’s hell on mah paycheck...” he muttered.
“Wuzzat?”
“Nutin...”
“...” The blue pegasus paused and pressed her hoof to her head, how was she going to talk to him about this? Her friend noticed her expression, and mistook it for sickness.
"Am I gunna have to take ya home?" he grinned, already knowing the answer to that question. He always walked her home.
“Nah. I’m good.”
"Well A'hm just worried 'bout ya, that's all." The large stallion smiled and finally downed his drink. He didn't want anything bad to happen to his best friend because she was the only pony he felt comfortable talking to. Big Mac gave an honest grin and added, "You know I gotta look out for ya."
"Why's that?" Rainbow absently fiddled with the glass in front of her.
"Well, you mean a lot to me."
"Really?" She perked up. If he felt for her what she felt for him, it might make her task a bit easier.
"Of course! Most ponies wanna be 'round me 'cause I do stuff for 'em, but yer the only one who I can actually talk to!” He tapped the table, looking down at his hooves. “Little sister’s don’t count. Applejack is too stubborn, and Applebloom is still a young’un. That's why I love..." He stopped himself mid-sentence with another shot. This short pause seemed like an eternity to Dash; she leaned forward over the table, her muzzle hovered precariously over the fresh vodka. They'd talked about many things, but never the nature of their relationship. With a satisfied grunt, Big Mac slammed the glass back onto the table. He resumed his sentence, and his grin widened. "... That's why I love being yer friend!"
Upon hearing the word “friend”, Dash sighed, grabbed the vodka and threw her head back, allowing the strong liquor to sting her throat. The glass landed in front of her, and she stared at Big Mac from across the table. Rainbow wouldn't let this get her down, she was certain that the red stallion was merely unsure of how to express his true feelings, hopefully she could coax them out with her upcoming speech.
" Ya sure there ‘aint something wrong?" Mac still had a confident grin, and he stared right back at her.
"..." She methodically traced the rim of the empty glass with her right hoof, trying to find the courage to say what she needed to. Dash felt another hoof gently grab hers.
"Dash, if there's something you gotta say, then say it, I'm all ears."
She’d been staring at him the whole night, but it was then, that very moment when he was reaching out to her, that she looked at him in a different light. When Rainbow Dash gazed into those deep green eyes, her fears vanished, and without a second thought a steady stream of words poured out of her mouth. Those within earshot turned their attention to the blue filly, who was motioning with her left hoof to help emphasize her point. But as soon as they heard exactly what she was talking about, they quickly returned to their own affairs. Those at a greater distance, like the pink filly hustling the pool tables, had to rely on visual clues to determine exactly what was going on. They watched the gesticulating pegasus as her words created an expression of utter shock on the red stallion's face.
For Rainbow Dash, her own voice seemed to fade away until the bar became silent, devoid of anything except for the horrified farmer in front of her. Big Macintosh's brain acted much differently, Dash's words grew in volume until they thundered in his head, effectively muting the the surrounding conversations and the din of the bar. He barely noticed when a new shot of whiskey was placed in front of him.
She continued talking, and near the end of her speech she finally got to the point. Dash opened her heart and laid bare the contents, convinced that doing so would bring shy Big Mac out of his emotional shell. She was committed to finally saying what had been eating away at her for the last few months. After a deep breath, she summed up her speech with a simple confession. At this point, Big Macintosh straightened up and withdrew his hoof from hers. In a daze, the farmhand grabbed the new whiskey and gulped it down. Instead of placing the empty glass on the table, he simply let it fall out of his mouth where it landed on its side without breaking.
"So um, that's what I wanted to tell you..." Rainbow Dash exhaled and waited apprehensively for the response.
"..." The largest member of the Apple family was frozen in place, and his silence only served to worsen the already delicate situation. Big Mac's face clearly showed his confusion. He felt that the Trough n' Trot was slowly spinning, and every moment quickened its dizzying pace.
"Big Mac?" The fastest flier in Equestria rounded the table and stood next to him; her head was facing down but her purple eyes gazed up at him yearningly. Rainbow Dash was trembling anxiously, unsure of how the red stallion would respond. In the back of her head, she slowly realized that maybe she was wrong about Big Mac's true feelings.
"..." His mind raced, painful memories flooded his head and he felt a terrible sense of déjà vu. Mac was quiet, as usual; and while he was fully aware of how his silence would be interpreted, he didn't want to make it any more painful then it needed to be.
"Is, Is something wrong?" The blue pegasus was worried, and her voice was barely audible as she waited for any sort of a reply.
"..." Big Mac looked around, his eyes scanned the bar; looking at everything inside but the mare in front of him. He almost seemed scared.
"Say something...." Dash was almost at tears. She took a tentative step forward, practically begging for some sort of response from the earth pony, but he only took a step back to maintain distance. She stopped in her tracks, why was he doing this to her? Dash’s vision blurred, and she cried out one last time. "Say something!"
“...” He cringed, it pained him to do this, but he didn’t want to cause more pain than necessary. Big Macintosh bit his lip to keep anything from escaping his lips.
“Just answer me!” she demanded. Her voice rose as she took another step forward.
“...”
“Please...” Rainbow Dash’s anger dissipated, and instead a bitter sorrow took its place.
"..." Mac was steadfast in his silence. Rainbow Dash made it tough on him, her teary gaze and soft voice tore at his conscience; but he would not speak, he didn't want to go through this with her. Dash finally got the message, or lack thereof.
"Um, I..." she was choking up. The blatant rejection felt like flying headfirst into a wall. Rainbow Dash took a deep breath and spoke slowly, futilely trying to mask the utter devastation she felt. A weak grin was betrayed by her shaky voice and trembling legs. "I'm j-just glad I t-told y-y-you and I... and I..." She couldn't finish her sentence. Dash took a final glance at him, her violet eyes filled with tears of humiliation and despair.
Big Mac almost said something, but he stopped himself, an open mouth and a blank stare the only sort of reply Dash would receive. She whipped her head away from him and galloped off, almost knocking over the ecstatic pink pony who was counting that night's winnings. The blue filly reached the door and stopped, debating whether or not to turn around. Mac watched silently as she shook her head and took off flying.
The noise of the bar slowly went back to normal and the stallion was left to his own thoughts. The only thing he was doing was more shots. The next few minutes were spent in total silence, and while his mind was racing, his expression was blank, so lost in his thoughts he didn't notice the filly bounding towards him. "Nice one, Mackie!"
"Not now, Pinkie Pie." His stern voice was unwelcoming, but it didn't stop the greatest partier in town.
" Oh, so you CAN talk!" Pinkie giggled. "I thought you went mute, 'cause that's the only explanation I could think of for you to do that! Unless a rabid ferret bit your tongue out, or maybe you burnt your tongue on coffee! OOH! Maybe you were trying to communicate telepathically! Or eve-"
"What're you doin' here?" Big Mac glared, waiting for her to leave.
"Just running the pool tables, apparently I'm some kinda shark! RAWR!" She threw her front hooves in the air, the stallion was not amused.
"Well why don't ya jes go back to yer table and leave me be?" Big Mac gulped another whiskey.
Pinkie got right up in his face, and she imitated his voice to perfection. "Well why don't ya jes go after Dashie and admit yer a big dummy for what ya did?"
"Ah can't do that..."
"Why not?" The pink partier backed away, genuinely intrigued.
Mac took yet another shot, contemplating his predicament. Pinkie Pie wouldn't understand. "ah jes’ can't."
She giggled and turned her head sideways. Pinkie Pie's bubbly attitude was wearing thin on Big Mac, who wasn't in the mood for anypony, much less this one. "That's not a reason, silly! Besides, I thought she was your best friend!" He recoiled at the word ‘friend’, that’s what he thought too!
Big Mac grew defensive. "Are ya here to lecture me?" He was so occupied with Pinkie Pie he never noticed a group of four fillies entering the bar.
"Of course not! That's her job..."
"What're yo-" An orange hoof slammed into a table, sending the glasses flying and almost breaking the old hunk of wood. Big Mac almost jumped, and his ears flattened when he saw who it was. Applejack glared at her brother, frowning.
"You no good, low-down, yelleh bellied varmint..." Big Mac gulped, but this time it was nothing but air.
Silence.
The entry of the five mares drew the attention of all the ponies in the bar. For a few tentative moments, all eyes were focused on the group, but after a while, the interest faded. Ponies returned to drinking, especially Big Macintosh.
The mood returned to normal. Big Macintosh put his glass down and scanned the surroundings, looking for a way out; but the five mares in front of him made it clear that he wasn’t leaving anytime soon. Resigned to his fate, the draft horse nonchalantly took another drink; his eyes only half open.
"What're y'all doin' here?" He grimaced, either from annoyance or pain.
The timid pegasus tried to start the conversation off politely, but she didn't get far. She was interrupted by the more militant mare.
"You know darn well why we're here!" His hotheaded sister snapped back. Applejack knew her friends would be mostly silent, so she picked up their slack.
"Ah don't s'pose y'all dropped by fer drinks?" Twilight Sparkle opened her mouth to speak, but Applejack beat her to it. Big Mac watched the unicorn roll her eyes and step back and stand idly by.
"Cut the crud, Big Mac! We saw Dash flyin' away!"
"You don't even know what happened, do you?" The red Stallion scowled. "You have no clue…"
"That's why yer gunna tell us what happened!" She demanded.
"Only if you want to, Big Ma-"Once again, Fluttershy tried to keep things civil, but she was thwarted by the orange mare. Shaking her head, the kind pony stepped back beside Rarity.
Applejack turned to the yellow pegasus and cut her off. "He doesn't have a choice!" She whirled back around towards her older brother. "What happened?" Any concern she had for Rainbow Dash was overshadowed, and her focus was on finding out what stupid thing her brother did.
"…" Big Mac used a time tested fail safe, don't say anything. Instead of a fearful silence, it was a solemn one. He knew what he had done, wasn't that enough?
"Am I gunna have to ask you again?" Applejack spoke through gritted teeth. The most honest pony in Ponyville was quickly losing whatever patience she had. The knowledge that her best friend was hurt only spurred her to be more aggressive.
"You never asked in the first place." Big Mac retorted, only realizing his mistake a split second later; about the same time his sister did. In a blur, an orange hoof swept the table, sending all of the glasses onto the floor with a clatter. Most of them didn't break, but the sound drew the attention of every patron in the bar. Once again an awkward silence filled the air. Most of the ponies there silently paid their tabs and shuffled out, hoping to avoid further drama.
"Do Ah have t' say 'Please'?" Applejack yelled at her brother. She got right in his face, but he wasn't fazed. "You hurt Rainbow Dash, and Ah need to know how!"
"Ooh! Ooh! I can tell you what happened!" Pinkie Pie threw a hoof into the air, trying to be called on. Big Mac wasn't concerned, but his sister wheeled her head around.
"You can?"
"Yeah! I was here, I saw everything!"
"Well, out with it!" Applejack trotted over to the party prone pink pony.
"So, I was playing pool, which is hard, by the way; I mean, I have to hold the stick in my mouth, and then I have-"
"Pinkie, please do stay on topic." Rarity interjected, cutting off Pinkie Pie politely but firmly, finally engaging herself in the conversation.
Pinkie recounted the comedy of errors. She told how Big Mac burnt his mouth with coffee, only to be viciously mauled by a ferret. The ponies around Pinkie Pie gave her strange looks, but that didn't stop her from continuing on, finally ending with Big Macintosh's futile attempt to communicate telepathically.
"Ugh! This is getting us nowhere!" Applejack curtly added.
Her brother took a deep breath, and he stepped around the table. "Ah'll tell ya."
Applejack held her tongue, giving Big Macintosh a rare chance to speak for himself. She simply backed up a few paces to give him room. The draft horse took a deep breath, already anticipating the backlash. When he spoke, it was slow and deliberate, with a solemn tone. "Ah could tell that something was up. She was havin' more drinks than usual. We were mostly quiet, an' then she started talking…"
"''Bout what?" Applejack couldn't resist, and she interrupted Big Mac with a vague question.
"'Bout us, 'bout our friendship, 'bout how she felt for me. She wanted to know if Ah felt the same way…" Big Macintosh's mind was focused on two ponies, Rainbow Dash, and a different mare from his past. His eyes shifted downward as he tried to force the image out of his head.
"Well, how does she feel about ya?"
Big Mac responded without hesitation; almost as if he sounded surprised. "She loves me."
His sister stared blankly, and his answer made her jaw drop.
A hush fell over the group; the empty bar now devoid of sound. Applejack snapped back to reality. "So, um, what'd ya do?"
"Nuthin'" A simple answer for a complicated situation.
Twilight Sparkle didn't quite understand, and she asked for clarification.
"Ah didn't do, or say anything." Big Mac regretfully answered. "Ah just stood there."
"You what?" Applejack responds, but her surprise quickly turned into anger.
"How did she take it?" Fluttershy inquired.
"Well, Y'all saw her flyin' off."
"Ya let her leave, jes like that?"
"Not quite!" Pinkie chimed in. "First, she yelled at him, then she galloped off, almost knocked me over, too! I could tell she was crying."
"Pinkie, you saw all that? Why didn't you say so earlier!"
"I tried! But you wouldn't listen!"
Despite this revelation, Big Macintosh didn't seem concerned; he simply stared off into the distance, occupied with something else. His sister, however, focused on the here and now. "What really happened?"
"What most of Mackie said was true, he just left out some stuff." Pinkie enthusiastically listed all of the omitted details, Dash's tears, her shouting, and finally her hasty exit. "I could see it, you know? I could see her heart break." She lowered her head and paused again, as if trying to find the right words, her sudden shift in tone caught everypony's attention. She summed it up in a strikingly depressing fashion, and while Rainbow’s friends were mostly disturbed by Pinkie's strange attitude change, AJ quickly understood her point.
The middle child of the Apple family turned towards her brother, as did the others. She advanced on him slowly, seething. Noticing this, Big Macintosh said a few words in self-defense. "Ah didn't see it coming, and Ah didn't know she felt like that..."
"Big Macintosh…" AJ had none of it, she was about ready to jump on him, but he continued on.
"Ah know it hurt, but it coulda been worse. Ah jes wanted to make sure it didn't hurt more than it needed to." He tried to continue, but painful memories returned, and he started to choke up, he muttered his next line. "Ah couldn't let it happen again, not to her." Big Mac realized that nopony had heard that, so he continued. "Ah jes tried not to hurt her."
"Well, ya didn't do a great job of that, didja?” she shouted. "All ya had to do was say something, and ya couldn't even do that!" Applejack stepped towards her brother. "Now she's flown off to who knows where, all because yer a damn coward!"
"Sis, Ah-"Big Mac protested, stung by the word 'coward'.
"When ya find her, and ya will find her, ya'd better get down and beg forgiveness! Celestia knows it's more than you deserve."
"What?"
"And don't ya go near her again after that, you've hurt her enough!"
"Why should I lis-"
"Because yer a damn fool fer what you did t' her!"
"…" Big Macintosh fell silent, he knew when to fight, but his sister was too stubborn to listen. He took a shot, trying to drown not only his sorrows but the memories that clouded his mind. What had happened pained him, but he couldn't talk about it. He had never told anypony about what had happened, and he wanted to keep it that way, even if it meant being seen as a bad stallion.
The large draft horse wasn't able to mope for long, however, because his sister made sure to get his attention.
"Ah mean honestly, Big Macintosh, ya broke her heart! Ah never thought ya could be so stupid!"
Fluttershy wanted to intervene, but she found herself mumbling instead. "That's not really helping anypony, Applejack."
"You've screwed up before, but this is the worst one yet!"
Big Mac did not like losing his cool, and he desperately tried not to do it. His heavy breathing and scowl displayed his contempt, but he held back a much greater tide of emotion. His disposition didn't go unnoticed and some ponies decided that their friend's brother was a lost cause.
"Such a brute! No wonder the night went as it did!" Rarity trotted away, leaving the stallion to his fate.
Once again silence took over the bar. Applejack glared at her brother while he just stood there waiting for more alcohol. Big Mac seemed apathetic on the outside, but his emotions were tearing away at him. His anger was mostly directed at himself, but his sister and her friends weren't helping. The pink party pony, cheerful, yet subdued, answered the questions from the pegasus at her side. Big Mac broke the silence by asking for everypony to leave him alone.
Applejack was in no mood to leave, and she changed the subject. The collection of glasses that are now scattered on the floor intrigued her."Are ya gunna pay for all these?"
"I always cover the tab..." Big Mac answered, not realizing the effect his words had on the mares.
Applejack smacked her hoof into her forehead, covering her face from view. "Are ya serious, Big Mac?"
"What?" The red draft horse was seriously confused.
Applejack needed clarification. "I knew you were hangin' out with Dash; but let me get this straight. Ya set a time and place, ya open the door fer her, ya spend quality time together, ya pay for the drinks, and then ya walk her home? And ya did this on a regular basis?"
"Eeyup." Big Mac didn't see where this was going.
"If you've been dating fer so long, ya should've seen this coming!"
"We weren't dating!"
"Then what was it?"
"We we're just hangin' out!"
His sister scoffed. "T' think, ya hurt Dash because ya couldn't see the obvious…" she shook her head slowly, before glaring at Big Macintosh right in the eyes.
Fluttershy sensed where the orange pony was going with this. "Applejack don't-"
Before she could be stopped, Applejack let loose and started yelling at her brother. "Honestly, Big Mac, you should just stick to buckin' apple trees, because you must be the dumbest sum'bitch in Ponyville! You just hurt mah best friend, jes what were you thinkin' when you stood there and didn't say a word?"
"Oh, I'm sorry Ah don't got time to think 'bout this sorta stuff!" he furrowed his brow as his voice steadily rose to match his sister’s. "Obviously ya got much more free time than I do, because yer in here yellin' at me!" Big Mac lifted one of his large hooves and pointed it accusingly at Applejack. "Ya know, not all of us have the time fer slumber parties, Galas, and fashion shows! Some of us got actual work to do, so excuse me if Ah don't know too much about datin'!"
"If ya do so much work, what're ya doin' here?"
"This is mah one night off! Ah can't exactly get a drink any time ah want, but ah s'pose you got no problem with takin' a day or two off." Big Mac was tense as he waved the hoof around and continued to argue.
"Are ya sayin' ah don't work hard?"
"Well yer obviously good at throwin' parties and chasin' zebras! Not exactly what I'd call strenuous work…"
"Without me, Applebuck season would have been a disaster!"
"Really? The one time Ah'm unable t' work, you need your friends t' pitch in; the first time in Apple family histr'y that we needed help!" If Applejack wasn't going to pull any punches, he wasn't either.
Only one pony found herself willing to try to intervene. "That's not fair, Big Macin-". Once again, Fluttershy found herself cut off. Big Mac saw her out of the corner of his eye; she seemed frustrated, but he focused on bigger things at that moment.
The draft horse continued on. "Damn it AJ, Ah bust mah flank out in those orchards all day, every day! So do me a favor and leave me be!"
"Not if yer gunna hurt mah friends, Big Mac!"
"If you care so much about Rainbow Dash, what are ya doin' here? Why ain't ya out lookin' for her? She could have left town by now!" his words slipped out, and he grimaced after the last part. He needed to follow it up with something else.
"Ah-" Applejack protested, but the tables were turned, she was now on the end of an anger fueled rant.
"Because you don't care! Ah may have messed up, ah know it, but instead of tryin' to make me look like a fool you should look fer her! Y'all say she's yer friends, but when it comes down to it, y'all don't give a rat's as-". His face slowly faded into realization, and finally into resentment.
"Stop."
"Fluttershy?" Big Mac turned his head towards the pony who had spoken.
"We do care, Big Macintosh, we just need your help." The large pony started to respond, but he pulled away when his attitude caused her to shrink back with a muttered "Eep!"
"Mah help?" The red stallion stared blankly at the pony in front of him.
Big Mac watched the pegasus take a deep breath and step towards him."I want to understand; I want to know what happened and why it happened. It's the only way we can help Dash." Her honest words hit home for Big Mac, who saw the sincerity in her eyes.
"How can Ah help? Ah've hurt her enough."
"Ya can help by fessing up t-"Applejack jumped in, but the glare she got from the yellow pegasus stopped her in her tracks. With a discontented grunt she relented to the more gentle method of problem solving.
"Um, if it's ok, I'd like to ask some questions." Fluttershy tiphooved up to the imposing stallion in front of her.
"Nothin' doin', not with all them here." He motioned to the rest of the group.
The kind pony took a few moments to think, with a gentle tone she politely asked the others, "Would you ladies start looking for Rainbow Dash? If you don't mind, that is."
"Ah ain't going nowhere!"
"Besides, she could be anywhere!" Rarity voiced her discontent.
"We'd have to search every nook and cranny in Equestria!" Twilight made her opinion clear as well.
"No, you won't." Big Mac instinctively replied upon hearing about nooks and crannies.
"What do you mean?" Applejack looked at her brother suspiciously.
He exhaled quickly, and spoke plainly. "When Dash is stressed, she likes to fly it off. And she won't be in any nooks or crannies; on account a she's a bit scared of tight spaces…"
"Ah still ain't leavin', what about you girls?" The farm mare turned to her friends for their response. Twilight Sparkle and Rarity hesitated and looked towards Fluttershy for direction. The pegasus simply nodded, and without a word the two mares turned to leave, followed the entire way by Applejack. "Y'all are traitors!"
Fluttershy used the distraction to address Big Macintosh. "How do you know that Rainbow Dash is claustrophobic?" He looked at her quizzically. "Um, Afraid of tight spaces?"
"She tol' me…" He looked down at his hooves, lost in his memories.
"You talked about a lot of things with Dash, right?"
"Eeyup." Big Mac traced the rim of his glass, deep in thought. He saw Applejack heading back towards him and he took a deep breath.
"You didn't mean to hurt her…"
Big Mac instinctively reacted with a loud rebuttal, "Of course not!" His outburst terrified the timid pony, who cowered back. He saw what he'd done, and he cursed himself under his breath. Hadn't he hurt enough ponies today?
"Why are ya yellin' at her!?" Applejack rushed over.
"It's… it's ok Applejack." Fluttershy gulped and regained her composure. She was certain that Big Mac had something on his mind, and she wasn't going to give up, for his sake."If you didn't mean to hurt her, why didn't you say something?"
"…" He grimaced, unwilling to answer, the thoughts in his mind too painful to share.
"I just want to understand." She looked at him sincerely.
"Ah can't…" He tried to speak, but he started to choke up. Big Mac reached for a bottle, but he stopped himself. The earth pony just exhaled and lowered his head. Applejack silently slid in next to Fluttershy.
"What's his problem?" She muttered.
"Applejack, I don't think prodding him for answers will get us anywhere."
"Well, what else can we do?" Fluttershy didn't answer, instead she slowly approached Big Mac. "What're ya doin'?" Applejack called after her; she noticed the shaky legs of the pegasus.
"Can…" She took a deep breath. "Can you tell me how it started?"
"Hm?" Big Mac snapped out of his stupor and faced the terrified pony. He didn't seem to understand.
"How you and Dash started these get-togethers, I mean…" She was careful not to use the word 'date'.
The draft horse didn't expect anypony to ask about that. At least that was something he was willing to share."Well, um…"
"Fluttershy, what does that have to do with anything?"
"Let him answer!" Fluttershy responded; taken aback at her forcefulness, she added. "Uh, if you'd be so kind…"
Big Macintosh nodded, grateful for the support. "Well, it was a few months ago, right before Applebuck season. There was a big storm comin', so we needed to buck some of the trees early. AJ was supposed to help me, but she got caught out in the storm and went to some slumber party instead; so Ah decided to get the job done mahself."
"If you knew there was going to be a bad storm, why didn't you wait?"
"Ah don't leave work unfinished, ever." He answered sternly.
"Oh…"
"Get to the point!" Applejack honestly had no clue where her brother was going with this.
Big Mac glared at his sister and continued. "Ah got a bit done, but ah was caught outside when the storm hit. Ah only had a few trees left, so ah toughed it out."
Fluttershy was riveted by the story, and she watched him closely. "What happened next?"
"Well, a bolt of lightnin' hit the tree I was workin' on and the top of jes fell right on me." Big Mac patted his side. "Broke three of mah ribs."
"Oh, that's terrible!"
"Ah was pinned down, the rain was pourin' and the wind was howlin'; Ah thought the rest of the tree would fall right on top of me." This was the first time Big Mac told anypony about this, and he was glad there was somepony willing to listen.
"Were you scared?"
"Ah bit…" He admitted embarrassedly.
"Hmph." Applejack didn't care about any of this; she was upset that Big Mac had told her something different. In fact, he gave her a completely different explanation for that injury.
"How did you get out?"
"Well, all of a sudden, the rain stopped. There was a tiny break in the clouds, directly above me. When Ah looked up, Ah saw her. Dash swooped in and helped get the tree offa me. Then she took me into the barn."
"She helped you."
"Eeyup. She tried t' leave, but ah couldn't let her act of kindness go unrewarded; so ah offered t' buy her a drink. I was bein' chivalrous." Big Mac was proud of using that word, he'd made it a point to be a gentlecolt at all times.
"So that's how it started."
"Eeyup."
Applejack decided she'd had enough. "If y'all we're just friends, why'd ya keep takin' her on dates? And why'd ya buy the drinks and walk her home?"
"He just said why, he was being chivalrous."
"What?"
"Paying for the evening, walking the mare home, that's what the stallion is supposed to do, no matter the relationship. It's something our generation seems to have forgotten. Big Mac was just doing the right thing in his mind. Dash just interpreted it differently. I don't blame her though, months of 'dates' would get me to start asking questions too."
"You gotta believe me, Ah always cared about Dash."
"Yes, Platonically."
"Huh?" The two Apple siblings asked at once.
"As, um,…" Fluttershy paused, trying to find the right word. "'…buddies', not as colt-friend and mare-friend." Big Mac nodded, greatly appreciative; his sister simply stood there silently.
Applejack shook her head and faced her brother."Nope , Ah ain't buyin' it."
"What?"
"Ya said ya never meant to hurt Dash, and that ya really did care 'bout her feelin's."
"Eeyup, and i meant it!"
For once Applejack found herself unable to match his fervor, her confusion and frustration manifesting in a solemn frown. Her speech was slow and deliberate, a far cry from her passionate yells from earlier. She didn't even look at her brother as she spoke to him, the younger sibling merely stared off into the distance. "Ya tol' us that ya really care about Dash, and that ya didn't mean t' hurt her..."
"Eeyup, and Ah meant it, too!" The red stallion shouted, scowling. He didn't need these ponies telling him that he screwed up, the look on Rainbow Dash's face was enough.
When she turned to face him, Big Mac saw something in his sister's eyes that made him feel more sad than threatened. When she asked him her question, he listened intently. "Then what were ya thinking?"
His little sister was clearly distraught. The large horse felt a whole mix of emotions swirl through him. And the confusion and anger culminated with a seemingly blank stare.
"She stood right there, and she poured out her heart t' ya!" Applejack looked around, exasperated. "Ah mean, all ya had t' do was say something! Anything!" She rested her gaze on the draft horse in front of her. "And yet ya didn't even give her the dignity of a response!" She paused, waiting for her words to sink in before continuing. "She was almost in tears, Big
Macintosh."
The red stallion opened his mouth to speak, but that was quickly prevented. Big Mac was unsure of what he would have said anyway, his mind clouded with memories he'd rather not share. How could his sister yell at him about things she didn't understand? The pain Big Mac felt tore away at him, and any anger he had was gone.
"So what were you thinkin'! How does doin' that t' her show that you care?"
Fluttershy intervened. "Applejack, he didn't know she felt like that."
"Even if that is true..." The orange mare turned to face the pegasus."...why not just say so? Why'd he stay quiet? He should've known how much it would hurt her!"
"I don't know, Applejack."
"I'll tell ya why, It's because he doesn't care!"
"That's not true." Out of everything said that day, that was the worst. The idea that he willingly hurt his friend wrenched his gut, and the blatant accusation hurt him more than any blow could.
"Then what is it? Tell us!" Her anger returned.
"Ah can't..." This wasn't a satisfactory response.
His sister's temper boiled over, and she raised a hoof to strike him. Fortunately she restrained herself. "Stop feelin' sorry for yerself!" Applejack's voice rose to a yell, intended to strike fear into her half-witted brother. "Yer not the one who got their heart broken! Yer actin' like yer the one in pain, and it's downright disgustin'!" The orange mare continued yelling, spewing a stream of insults meant to show her brother how insensitive he was. Big Mac winced at her words.
"Applejack! This isn't helping anypony!" Fluttershy intervened, and her shy disposition was nowhere to be found. "He's your brother! Why can't you just try to help him?"
"He hurt our friend! I'm supposed to coddle him cause of it?"
"You don't have to be so mean!"
"I want him to know that it's all his fault, that it never should have happened to Dash!"
Fluttershy was about to respond, but something clicked in her mind. Thinking out loud she muttered, "It happened before..."
"What?"
The pegasus quickly walked up to the large stallion. "Big Macintosh, earlier you muttered something along the lines of 'I couldn't let it happen again'" The gears in her mind picked up the pace and spun at a dizzying speed.
"Ya... Ya heard that?" The draft horse regretted ever saying that. It seemed that they would find out after all.
"What're y'all talkin' about?"
"What happened?" Fluttershy asked. "What happened before?"
"..."Big Mac shook his head, he would not speak.
"Was there somepony else?"
"E-... Eeyup..." He tried to turn away, but Fluttershy moved with him. "She... She..." He struggled to speak, his emotions getting the better of him.
"Did she share her feelings with you?"
"..." He nodded.
"Fluttershy! What're ya goin' on about?" Applejack shouted frustratedly.
"Did you react the same way?" The yellow pegasus ignored her friend's outburst. Her focus was entirely on the pony in front of her.
"..." The draft horses muzzle swayed from side to side as his response. His silence only frustrated his sister more.
"Speak, Dammit!" Applejack commanded, mostly because she felt out of the loop.
"Ah didn't see it comin'. We were jes getting dinner like usual..." Big Mac's eyes were clouded with tears, and he looked around the bar, trying to see a way out
"What did you do?"
Big Mac relented. "Ah tol' her the truth. Ah tol' her that ah didn't feel the same way. and that we should just be friends." He started to choke up, reliving the memory was obviously painful. With hushed tones the red stallion continued on. His solemn answer silenced his sister, who just watched the pitiful sight of a broken stallion. Big Mac's head drooped and his shoulders sagged as waves of pain and depression washed over him.
"How did she take it?" Fluttershy asked, fully aware of the delicate situation.
"She just broke down, cryin' and yellin'. I dunno how long she cried, but when it was all over she just tol' me t' leave. The poor mare was in so much pain, and i knew it was all my fault." Big Mac spoke slowly and deliberately, emphasizing each word as he told his sad story.
The pegasus listened, intent on understanding what happened, while the orange earth pony merely watched, amazed that she had never heard of this until now. Her brother continued, "Ah looked for her the next day to try to fix things, but ah couldn't find her. It turns out she'd left town that morning. Nopony's heard from her since."
"Who was it?" Applejack pressed, but Big Mac's look made it clear that he would never give up that name. Even now, he still tried to be chivalrous.
Fluttershy stared at Big Mac, reflecting on what he had said. The poor stallion blamed himself; never quite able to recognize the fault of the mare or the extremity of the response. With Dash his actions weren't malicious, nor were they justified. They were simply misguided. His judgment was corrupted by memories of something so painful and extreme that it directed his actions.
"So when you didn't say..."
"Ah knew that saying something would be the worst thing Ah could do." Big Macintosh was blunt. Now that the truth was out, there was no need to hide behind false ignorance. He managed to hold back tears, "Ah didn't want to hurt Dash as much as Ah hurt her."
Fluttershy wanted to tell him that it wasn't his fault. Just because one mare reacted that it didn't mean that Rainbow Dash would do the same. She sighed, knowing that no matter what she said he would still blame himself. Instead, she focused on a more prevalent matter.
"Big Macintosh, Rainbow Dash isn't just going to just leave town, you need to see her again. Right, Applejack?" She turned to her friend, instantly regretting it the moment she noticed the look on Applejack's face.
"Ya never tol' me about that, Big Macintosh... Ya never tol' me about any of this stuff..." She paused, exasperated, but her frustration slowly faded after a few tense moments. "I'm yer sister..." She looked at him and quietly asked, "Don't... don't ya trust me?" She seemed deflated, her anger simmering under fresh confusion.
Big Mac quickly embraced his sister. "You know Ah do, sis..." He dried his tears and comforted her. "Ah just didn't wanna think about it anymore." His sister opened her mouth to speak, but he pulled her in tighter to silence her. "Ah'm sorry." Fluttershy could barely hear Applejack return the sentiment.
The tender family moment touched Fluttershy's heart, but it didn't last long.
A bright flash erupted in the bar, and Twilight Sparkle appeared next to them. The sudden appearance of the unicorn caused the pegasus to fold her wings and crouch down, while the Apple siblings broke their embrace and fell over. Their state of inebriation made the simple task of getting up near impossible.
"Um, Sorry to interrupt. We found Rainbow Dash."
"Where is she?" Applejack asked, taking the initiative from the presently petrified pegasus.
"She's just flying around over the park. We told her to come down but she won't listen. Rarity is there, I can teleport us over to her."
Fluttershy picked Applejack up. "Big Macintosh, I think Dash needs to see you."
"Ah don't know.” He craned his neck to look at her from his position on the ground. “Ah'll jes end up hurtin' her more." The idea of making Rainbow Dash yell at him or worse made him cringe.
"Big Mac, ya might not know what to say, but avoidin' her will only make it worse. Either she's gunna hate you, or she's gunna hate herself. Do ya want either of those t' happen?"
"No."
"Then ya gotta talk t' her, tell her the truth." Applejack tried to instill confidence in her brother. She felt her anger rising up again. “Stop being a coward!”
"We won't make you do anything, but you have to make up your mind." Fluttershy added.
"..." Big Mac was quietly contemplating his options.
His sister sighed, and decided to say one final thing. "Big brother, ah know ya hurt her, and you know ya hurt her, and you know she's out there, in pain... she needs ya.” Applejack gritted her teeth and looked to the side. Why ya did it isn’t important anymore, and ah don't care if ya meant to do it. I just want to know, what are ya gunna do now?" She asked, whipping her head around to watch her brother intently. “You’d better do something, or Ah’m gunna buck the hell outta you!” The anger had returned but the orange mare restrained herself.
He stood there; Everything that had happened swirled through his mind. Big Mac struggled with his decision, and all he could do was keep thinking. He was silent, the minutes ticked by, but eventually he led the other ponies out of the bar. He didn’t know what was going to happen that night, but he knew what the first thing out of his mouth would be. “Ah’m Sorry.”
