He Comes From Earth: Parallel Unrealities

[19:33]HentaIancsi: Fuk your mother Fukunder-san!

[19:33] The Old Door Roosevelt: What's wrong with this?

[19:35] HentaIancsi: Suck me, fukin nerds! Kill yourslfs!

[19:36] Von Hannover: Do not worry about it. Troll noodles.

[19:36] The Old Door Roosevelt: I know. But where is Nazgul before the event?

[19:37] HentaIancsi: Mayby he now fuk yoir mother! Budo fukers!

„HentaIancsi was BANNED from Kaiser chat by Nazgul.”

[19:39] Von Hannover: It was time! Where have you been?

[19:40] The Old Door Roosevelt: Pipe Nazgul! You're finally here!

[19:40] Kaiser Nazgul: Hi! Unimportant. I fell asleep. The game slowly begin.

[19:41] Von Hannover: Have you ever gone to sleep? Good obsucktions!

[19:41] Von Hannover: *objections

[19:42] The Old Door Roosevelt: We know you direct write that wrong, do not even try!

[19:43] Von Hannover: Natürlich!

[19:43] The Old Door Roosevelt: Nmind! When can we start

[19:44] Kaiser Nazgul: Soon.

„EcchIancsi joined the chat.”

„EcchIancsi was BANNED from Kaiser chat by Nazgul.”

[19:45] The Old Door Roosevelt: Let's start quickly before it come back.

[19:46] Von Hannover: Maybe you're afraid of him?

[19:46] The Old Door Roosevelt: No, just annoy me.

[19:46] Von Hannover: That's what he want.

[19:47]Von Hannover: And what about you, Nazgul?

[19:47] The Old Door Roosevelt: I know, but still annoying.

[19:48] Kaiser Nazgul: Nothing. I watch the draw.

[19:49] Von Hannover: Since morning the LIVE packed full. There is hardly a sign.

[19:49] Von Hannover: How long you watching it?

[19:51] Kaiser Nazgul: I'm in here in the last two days.

[19:51] Kaiser Nazgul:They now drawn you. Want to know who you got?

[19:51] Von Hannover: Let it be a surprise. But difficult?

[19:52] Kaiser Nazgul: You got good, I got shit. The Zulu.

[19:52] Von Hannover: Glad to hear it! 3: D

[19:52] The Old Door Roosevelt: And me?

[19:53] Kaiser Nazgul: You have been pulled earlier. I can't see what you got

[19:53] The Old Door Roosevelt: Shit!

„BazIancsi joined to chat.”

„BazIancsi was ipBanned from Kaiser chat by Nazgul.”

[19:55] Von Hannover: You can do that?

[19:56] Kaiser Nazgul: As you can see.

[19:57] Kaiser Nazgul: We start az 20:00. Get ready for it! Chat is disabled, only periodic messages. And not a word about the Alliance, I don't want to die in the beginning!

[19:58] The Old Door Roosevelt: Understood. Monroe active?

[19:58] Kaiser Nazgul: You can be the biggest Jew, if you want! Just leave me alone.

[19:58] The Old Door Roosevelt: I missed your racism: D

[19:59] Von Hannover: Yahweh is with us: D

[20:00] Kaiser Nazgul: Yeah... morons... Good luck, and do not trust the Romanians!

Let's do this!

        Perhaps the last thing I ever thought I was going to make a audio diary.

        Honestly, right now I'm in pretty scared, so I can express my genuine sorrow for those who think the lines in above were not exactly beautiful.        Where do I start: I don't have a pale purple dunsztom!        Maybe I should be there to where I am right now: I don't have a pale purple dunsztom!        Or who I am: Well, at least I know that!        But you know what? If such a mystery this story is already in the very beginning, you can only belief, my name: Wraith.        Be humble enough about myself, that much and no more.        I do not know what the hell happened to me, but I am sure that every happened to me in the last ten minutes, I would never have expected.        To begin with, it was a wonderful feeling to get into a prestigious "Warlord competition", even when it comes to enjoy my day in my room.        In the draw of the playable nations, my "great good luck" managed to catch a South African tribal state, in the knowledge, the lucky bastard - who got the British crown – cannibalize me within a few minutes, like a mechanic the East Germany's Trabant...        Luckily for me, I have enough skill to resolve similar crises, so it was easy to recognize first of all, the clear relationship between the blacks and cotton, then I made a good deal with England for some Supply and Steel in return, which come very handy, I could finally do some modernization (hurray, more cotton!).        Hey, if you do not like it, then do not follow, I'm trying to calm down here right now!        The game is comforting! Roll over if you do not care about this ... Agh, damn headache ...        So I was able to cool my head note to acknowledge the English (for now) will not crush me and lack of power from others in nearby, there was a good chance that I might be able to stay alive in the first third of the game.        But what to do with myself, in addition to pet my ridiculously little agriculture like a fool, sell cheap cotton to the British, while others reap great credit in Europe and America?        You do not think already I'm that amateur!        It was an obvious thing to my solid (about 20,000 people) barefooted army targeted the nearby Boer States, who as usual, immediately jumped into each other's throats, but (as usual) no one of them dared to attack and take risks to lose his little army in the territory of the enemy. So finally they dug themselves down on both sides of the border and sometimes burn each other just to feel: This is war!        First Thought: Kill them all!        First Objection: They conclude Peace and run me down!        Second Thought: Alliance with one of them and invade the others!        Second Objection: The loser on the verge of defeat might ask for British support and cheers, all three of us are dead by Queen Victoria grim grenadiers!

"Lasts two grenadiers on French soil, they broke them in ..."

        Shit, I can't remember the lyrics! My mind is burning, as if try to bake my skull. Note that this comes close enough. My cerebrospinal fluid could have distill some pea. Seriously, slowly I will be like one of those old Looney Tunes characters when steam escape from their minds and went through their ears (obviously before split their eardrums!).        Where was I?        Oh, I remember!        Third Thought: Stay out of it and hope for the best.        Third Objection: Just not and that's it!        Great, no more idea. And waiting is probably the worst decision in this case. Starting with the obvious fact that if one of the Boer bastard by some miracle, could beat the other, it may have enough power to see for himself my sexy cotton fields.        No and no!        I had to think something quickly and possibly even before those bastards would start to eye with my long coastline.        Quickly rolled my opportunities in myself.        South: Britons. I attack them = I'm stupid.        West: Boer. I attack them = I probably die.        East: Indian Ocean. I'm going into it = I drowned.        North: Portuguese...        JACKPOT!        The Iberians expressed their limits at the moment by a maintained levels of colonization in Mozambique. What generosity, and it was not my birthday!        I'll tell you for the sake of weaker readers: Portugal is a useless local authorities in Europe and Africa. No money, no industry, no friends. Only an army in Mozambique (Solid 11,000 people).        There was no difficulty in the plan anyway. I looked at the clock and counted.        3... 2... 1...        Paff! Portuguese bankrupt. Former army, no army!        I can not to expect better, so I immediately begin the march across Mozambique. I conquerd unprotected lands, and I continued, until the entire area was in my hand. With this I finally became someone.        Finally, the Zulus rose from the obscurity!        Now I'm a pretty known nation, when in the case of the British occupation of a few mouth-wracking liberal mention me in a aggressive newspaper article.        That's something.        From here to continue, well, that was another matter. The large space suffered very by the Portuguese occupation . The most of the residents was sold to the American planters (Bastards, they are my Negroes! Give me back them!). Economy of course nothing because why? It is unnecessary if you sell the half of the residents and the other half is hiding from you, as soon as he sees.        And of course all of this was supposed to fix on my money.        Paff! Almost Zulu bankrupt!        Good thing I was on the Top in the evening and reacted quickly enough to finance the restructuring of the things (Cotton! Cotton! Cotton! Only cotton! Grain? Why?).        Huh, my head's splitting! I could use a bottle wine before it completely blows up my skull. Well, outside the damn phone and I do not have anything, I do not think that it may have a " TV-shaman plugin".        Where was I?        So the state was very close to the bust. I literally brush past with a few inches from the IMF loan. If I hit it, back then I did not know what I'm doing. In any case, I was able to increase the population to the double in just one month and fivefold my territory! After that, where the hell gone the Sultanate of Zanzibar, I no longer know ...        In fact, I dare to say, Zanzibar never existed! Zanzibar just the staged scene of Goldstein! Those who do not believe and insists in that I fucked up the invasion and accidentally massacred the half of the country during the war, it is not normal (Just the third of it by the way.)!!!        So yeah, I managed to conquer half the territory of Tanzania and the empire was also increased again, by the time I reported almost bankrupt again! Fortunately, the agriculture always save the man, if pi is have the reception and enough big area for cultivation (I'm the world's fifth largest cotton supplier! Hooray! Long live the glorious realm of Niggeria!).        Sure enough by now I gain the attention of the others. This explanation was led eventually under the pretext of protect the poor Madagascar some (Solid 20-30,000), French troops landed in the African island country.        And of course by chance on the same day "hanged up himself" the king and his entire family in Madagascar. These strange accidents... And that's the strange coincidence of France's case... Who would have believed it if I did not?        Sorry, Madagascar ...        Bottom line: the French Arrived!        Amazing, it was not enough trouble with the licking been addressed to the British, now I must also satisfy the snail eaters...        In such a game ...        WHAT THE HELL!?        What's this wanted to be?        Something big bitch pulled it over my head. It was a furry red bat, which looks like a high-flying strawberry.        Heh... fruit-bat...        OK, I'm gone mad!        Evidence: I am breaked my head and I can see ghosts.        To begin with, I sat in the middle of an imposing stone circles of Stonehenge talking into a smart phone about something that no one cares, into something that is not even mine. In the sky the sun seems a little bigger than I'm used to. The whole vast horizon of lush forests around me (which is mostly green but here and there, in all decorated in the color of the vomiting). Of course, this still normal, sometimes it happens that a man, after two days of continuous wakefulness see things like that (I should mention when after three days of vigil I watch the Birdman).        Yet I have the feeling that all this strange place here is real ...        Great, I calmed down!        Be glad if you want, I finished the gaming!        Maybe it would be better if I look around this place ... Okay, my legs still work.        Nice little menhirs are packed in around the stone circles around. Each one different and I see a some primitive carvings and drawings here and there. Hooray, Neo Heathens or Satanists! I hope in the former.        And then ... There's a kind of altar ... Yes, I remember I hit this when I "arrived".        Stupid altar, almost broke my head ...        Okay, my senses still function well, even if I hallucinating.        So everything is normal ...        If it is normal when on your wall (in the midst of your life hottest winning streak) in the splendid light of all the rainbow a wormhole open up and when you only wear a grease-stained T-shirt and a one-week used underpants it just dare to absorbs the hell out of you.        To hell with it! I've had enough!        I even let my headache had so much buzzing around my forehead, like a lawn which sucked up a stone. But - and this is a big BUT - I really had no idea what to say to this damn phone!        Are you sure grateful to me, whoever you are, who are forced to listen this incomprehensible text mush (if you left in half, fuck yourself!), But I think you understand that I'm in a serious condition!        Temper, temper ...        Breath! Hakuna Matata! Always look at the bright side of life! The migrants are long gone!        Okay, let's think realistically and try to find logical conclusions.        I played in the tournament, a wormhole open on my wall, absorbed me, spat out, streaked on my face and now I try to say a log or message to this damn plasticshit if someone, someday in the future discovers and realizes that... that I'm such a idiot!        Fact: I've got a phone!        Because I'm stupid: I panicked and not tried to call anyone!        Let's see...        No signal... Okay, I can live with that ... I do not crash into the world because of such a trifle. Take it easy, just go up nicely to the mobilnet ...        NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!        There is no WiFi! There is no WiFi! There is no WiFi!        Take away my house, my camera, my money, or my bike! I'll give it my all, but I ask you! I beg you, whoever did this to me! Do not leave me without internet! Anything but not this!        Please!        I beg you!        Do not take it away from me on the internet!        Nooo !!!        Back my Reddit!        Give me back my Youtube!        ADD! BACK! The porn!        Please...