Alicorn FIFA

by A1X

Rating: everyone
Tags: Human, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Crossover
Length: 4007

Celestia and Luna need a way to wind down after a hard day. They find it in the form of the latest soccer game.

Celestia and Luna need a way to wind down after a hard day. They find it in the form of the latest soccer game.

DO YOU NEED TO HAVE PLAYED ANY OF THE FIFA GAMES BEFORE?
Well, whilst having actually played FIFA wouldn't hurt, the answer is no. This fic will make sense to you either way (I hope), so enjoy!

Published 2015-11-19 03:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-19 03:00:02 UTC

Football is the correct term, I believe.

“What a day,” muttered Celestia to herself as she heaved her body out of the car and up the steps towards the flat. She fumbled in her handbag for the key and found it, only as she tried the handle she found that the door was already open – and that meant Luna was back already.

“Luna!” called Celestia as she walked into the hallway, kicking off her heels and shrugging off her coat. “Luna!”

Silence.

“Fine. Don’t answer me, then!” Celestia hung up her coat and her handbag on the loose peg and made the short walk to the kitchen, stepping over a few of Luna’s gowns, which had been left lying around as usual. She pulled open the fridge, snatched up the first can she could find, cracked it open, and took a drink. The cloying taste of cheap cola filled her mouth, and she gagged.

Value Price Cola read the label. Celestia groaned.

“Luna! You know I hate it when you buy these!” she said loudly. Again there was no response. “Luna!

“What is it with that girl?” She sighed and, tossing the can back into the fridge, made her way to the living room. Luna was sitting on the moth-eaten sofa, wearing a tank top and baggy jeans, her bare feet tapping on the carpet.

“There you are! Why don’t you answer when I call you? I get worried!”

“Mmm,” responded Luna. Her eyes were glued to the television screen, a controller clasped tightly in her hands, her fingers dancing over its buttons. Celestia gave another heavy sigh and sat beside her.

“You’re back early,” she said after a minute or two.

“Mmm.”

“What does ‘Mmm’ mean?”

Luna shrugged, her eyes remaining fixed upon the screen. “Mmm.”

Celestia walked over to the window and pulled back the curtains. The dull street glared back at her, gloomy and unwelcoming. “So,” she said, “how’d it go?”

“How did what go, Sister?”

“The interview.”

“Oh. Well, you know...”

Celestia stooped down to pick up a pair of underwear that had been tossed to the side of the room. “Why do you leave these lying around? What if someone were to visit?”

Luna shrugged again and said nothing.

“So I’m guessing they didn’t take you?” inquired Celestia.

“Nope.”

“Huh.” She walked over to the heater and turned it down slightly. “You know, you can’t expect me to be chasing after you like this, Luna. I’m your sister, not your mother.”

“Mmm.”

“You’ve got to start taking some responsibility for yourself. Look at the state of this place! I just tidied up last week, and the flat’s already littered with your clothes! You have a wardrobe, don’t you?”

“DANG IT!” shouted Luna suddenly, making Celestia jump.

“Now, really!” she exclaimed. “I know you don’t like me chastising you, but there’s no need to get so angry!”

“What? No, I meant... the game. I just conceded, and in the ninetieth minute too.” Luna groaned and fell backwards against the cushions.

Celestia fixed her with a baleful stare. “And it’s back to this now. I know you like playing that thing, but could you at least pay attention to me when I’m talking, Luna? Luna!”

“And it’s full time,” said Luna through gritted teeth. “Dang it, I was so close to promotion!”

“What’s that you’re playing, anyway?” asked Celestia, squinting at the TV. “Soccer?”

“Yeah. Well, the people who made this game call it football.”

Celestia shrugged. “Same thing, I guess. What’s the game called?”

“This one? FIFA.”

“What on earth does that stand for?”

Luna gave a shrug and set her controller down with a sigh. “Seriously though,” she burst out. “To concede two goals in the last ten minutes of the match... That’s total BS!”

“BS?” repeated Celestia, nonplussed. “What does that mean?”

Luna sighed. “Never mind.” She kicked out at the carpet with a foot and went back to sulking.

“I don’t suppose I could try?”

Luna raised an eyebrow. “You? Playing video games?” She frowned. “Are you feeling alright?”

“I could be better. Payed off a couple of bills today, but work was tiring. And then when I come home and see the place like this?” She spread her arms out, indicating the living area. Most of Luna’s clothes were strewn around the room: socks, shorts, and hoodies.

Luna puffed out her cheeks. “Sorry, Sister,” she said. “I’ve just been a bit upset recently, you know?”

Celestia smiled at her kindly. “I know. I know...” There was an awkward pause. “So what do you say, then?” she said, quickly changing the subject. “How about a game of soc— uh, FIFA? Can we play together?”

Luna smiled. “Better. We can play against each other.”

Celestia scanned the room for the second controller. “Where’s –?”

“Here.” Luna leaned over the side of the couch and resurfaced with the second controller. Celestia took it, smiling.

“I’ve never played before, so you’ll have to teach me.”

“Yeah, yeah. It’s simple enough.” Luna was grinning as she flicked a few buttons on her own controller. “Right. We’ve watched soccer together before, so you know the rules more or less, yeah?”

Celestia nodded.

“Good. The rules in FIFA are the same. To move your player, you use the left stick.”

“The left –?”

Luna shifted closer to Celestia and pointed. “That one right there.”

“Oh.” Celestia twiddled it around.

“That’s the one! Now...” She indicated the buttons on her own controller. “That one’s to pass the ball, this one’s to shoot, and this one here –” She gave the button a couple of taps. “– is to sprint. Got that?”

“I think so.”

“Those are the basic controls. You’ll pick them up as you play.”

Celestia frowned. “So many buttons, but I only need to use a few? Are you trying to give yourself the advantage?”

Luna grinned. “I don’t need to try to do that. Okay, let’s pick teams. Actually...” She paused.

“What?” asked Celestia.

“To make this more interesting, how about we play with custom squads?”

“Huh?”

“I’ve made teams on the game, as in I’ve created my own teams and my own players.”

Celestia gave a shrug. “It’s all the same to me. Yeah, sure. Go for it.”

Luna smiled as she pressed a few buttons and the squads came up. “Okay, now what you’ve got to do is go to ‘Team Management’. I’ll let you do that.”

“How do I –?”

“Just use the left stick to navigate.”

“One sec. Ah, I’m getting the hang of this!” Celestia selected the option, and her squad came up on the screen.

“Hey...” said Celestia slowly as she read the names. “But that’s us! That’s us and our friends! You’ve made us all in the game?”

“Yep!” said Luna happily. “Two different squads. And look! Your player is the captain of your team! Click on yourself to get your stats!”

Celestia clicked. “Sprint Speed – 34, Shot Power – 59, Dribbling – 60,” she read blankly. “What are all these?”

“Those are your stats,” explained Luna. “Each one’s out of 99, and the higher the stat is, the better your player is at that attribute.”

“Hey, but that means... Luna, these ratings are all really low! I’m not that bad! And I’m fairly certain that my Sprint Speed is more than 34 because I’m faster than you!”

Luna giggled and indicated her own player.

“Sprint Speed – 90, Shot Power – 85,” Celestia read aloud, her eyes widening. “Dribbling – 88... Luna! This is hardly fair!”

Luna giggled harder than ever. “Oh, come on, Sister; it’s all for fun. And not all of the players on your side are as bad as you are.”

“Hey!”

“Hehe, look!” Luna took Celestia’s remote for a quick second and selected Rainbow Dash.

“Whoa! Sprint Speed – 98!” said Celestia, impressed. “That is a lot!”

“Exactly! The teams are pretty even, Sister, don’t worry.”

Celestia shuffled forward on the couch to get closer to the screen. “Okay, so now what do I press?”

“You don’t press anything. I’ve got it.” Luna selected the ‘Play Match’ option and turned to Celestia with a small smile. “You sure you’re up for this? I warn you, I’m pretty good. It takes a lot to beat me!”

Celestia raised an eyebrow. “Indeed? And yet I just saw you lose.”

Luna waved a hand through the air. “Sometimes the game just trolls you. There’s nothing you can do about that when it happens.” The faint sound of chanting began to issue from the speakers. “Oh, and let’s get the volume turned up a bit.”

Luna snatched up the television remote and tapped the volume control. The chanting instantly grew louder, and a commentator’s voice could be heard.

“... Refereeing this match, Mehmet Yildiraz. I’m Martin Tyler; alongside me is Alan Smith. Alan, looking forward to what should be a really exciting game?”

“Yeah, it should be a good one. Both teams have come out looking fresh...”

Luna rubbed her palms together and grinned. “Let’s do this!”

“So just to clarify – it’s this button to shoot, this one to sprint, this one’s pass, and this one is to move. Oh, and how does tackling work?”

“Oh, you just run into the player who has the ball, and it’ll tackle automatically,” said Luna, shrugging. “Or if you want to be more aggressive, you just press the shoot button when you don’t have the ball, and they’ll lunge in with a foot.”

“Okay. And slide tackling?” she said with a grin.

Luna chuckled. “I was afraid you’d ask that. That one there.” She pointed.

“Right. Aha!” Celestia grinned and nodded at the screen. “I get the kick-off!”

“Yeah. To kick off, just press the pass b—”

“I’m way ahead of you, Luna!” said Celestia as she passed the ball to her striker.

“... An early move here, Alan, as the striker takes over...”

Luna smirked. It was typical of newbies like her sister to try to score from kick-off. She tapped the tackle button almost resignedly, and the striker, in this case Thunderlane, was jostled off the ball in a second.

“... Failed to retain possesion, and it’s with the opposition now...” came the commentator’s voice.

“Hey!” moaned Celestia. “How come you tackled me like that? I had him moving that way!”

“I don’t care which way you moved him. I’ve got the ball! And I do as well – it’s Luna that’s on it!” Luna’s fingers danced over the buttons, and her player shimmied through Celestia’s midfield.

“Hey!”

“Come on, Sister!” laughed Luna. “Tackle me!”

Celestia gritted her teeth and smashed her finger into the tackle button.

It was Luna’s turn to exclaim: “Hey! Ref! Foul!”

“Oh, that’s a bad challenge!”

“Well, Martin, I’m just glad he hasn’t hurt the player; it was a nasty foul...”

“Hah! Free kick to me!”

Celestia opened her mouth in outrage. “What?! I barely touched you!”

“That’s not what the ref seems to think!”

“Huh.” Celestia shook her head but smiled. She was getting excited already. “Fine. You win the decision, but there’s no way you’re scoring from that dist—” She gawped as the ball flew into the top corner of the net.

“It’s gone in! A sensational goal! And just listen to the crowd. I can barely hear myself above the noise!”

“Haha!” crowed Luna. “What do you say to that? Tell me, Sister, have you ever seen a sweeter strike?”

“B-but,” spluttered Celestia, “that was almost thirty yards out!”

“I know! Good, huh?”

“Remarkable, Martin, for a player to get that much power and accuracy on the ball from that distance. Textbook stuff!”

“So one nil, the scoreline...”

Celestia elbowed Luna playfully. “I think that was more luck than skill. Just you wait. I’m going to score sooner or later...”

“Yeah. Dream on.”

Celestia jabbed the pass button and kicked off for the second time. She may have been new to this game, but she was no novice when it came to soccer. They watched it together quite frequently, after all. Passing. Possession. Tactics. They were all essential. She needed a game plan.

“... Looking to dictate the tempo now, passing it around comfortably...”

“Huh.” Luna said. “Is that how you’re gonna play it? Passing it about the back? You’ve not even got a lead to defend...”

Celestia smirked. “Patience is a virtue, Sister. Just watch me.”

She was getting the hang of passing now. Remembering the high sprint speed stat that Rainbow Dash had, she tried to play it in to her with a lob to the wing, only the ball was cut out by one of Luna’s defenders.

“Hah, I saw that coming before you even thought it. You’re so predictable, Sister.”

Once again Luna gave the ball to her in-game self, and once again her player squirmed through Celestia’s feeble tackles.

“How are you doing this?!” cried Celestia. “Luna, this is unfair! Your stats are far too high!”

“Great athleticism from the goalkeeper!” exclaimed the commentator after Luna’s player had let fly, the ball only just being tipped aside by Applejack in Celestia’s goal.

Luna tapped her foot on the ground in frustration. “Ah. Good save, good save. I’ll get another goal before long. Corner kick...”

Luna feverishly whipped in the corner, only Celestia, using her own player, headed the ball out into touch.

“Hah!” She jumped to her feet in triumph. “Defended!”

“Sister, sit down. That’s hardly something to get excited about.”

“So that’ll be a throw-in...”

Luna took the throw, but Rainbow Dash, seemingly from nowhere, flashed in to make the interception.

“Yes!” cried Celestia, leaping to her feet once again. “Great play, Dashie! Now run! Run!” Celestia held down the sprint button, and the fastest player on the pitch obliged, streaking into space, flashing past Luna’s defence with ease. But Luna was no fool, and arranging her centre backs, she forced Rainbow Dash away from the goal and towards the byline.

“Huh,” muttered Celestia as she was forced to deliver a meek cross. “I might not have got through on goal, but if I learned one thing from that, it’s that Rainbow has pace! I was away for a second there!”

“Only for a second.” Luna grinned as Bulk Biceps, her hulking centre-back, headed the cross away from the box and towards the middle of the pitch. “And Bulk Biceps there has got a strength stat of 97, so good luck getting past him!”

“97?! Luna, I told you these teams are unfair! Who have I got besides Rainbow Dash that can actually do something?”

Luna smirked and did not answer.

“Oh, just you wait, Luna. Just you wait.”

The first half continued. Apart from that one instance with Rainbow, Celestia had barely touched the ball in Luna’s half. Luna, on the other hand, was acting as though the game was already won, choosing to perform flashy skill moves rather than actually attempting to score. Her strikers, Shining Armor and her own virtual self, had quite clearly been given vastly overrated stats, and even now they were waltzing past Celestia’s painfully slow defenders.

“Tackle him! Tackle him!” cried Celetsia as the virtual Shining Armor effortlessly flicked the ball around Big Macintosh’s lumbering challenge. “Luna, this is unfair!”

“... Bearing down on the penalty area! There’s a chance here!”

Celetsia’s defenders made their despairing lunges, but Luna played the ball sideways towards her unmarked player, and the latter made no mistake in slotting it past the keeper.

“Gooooooooal!” whooped Luna, thumping her chest in triumph and smirking across at Celestia. “Dear, dear, Sister. This just gets worse and worse for you, doesn’t it?”

“Just you wait...” hissed Celetsia through gritted teeth. “Just you wait. That was a downright cowardly way to score, passing it to the side like that! It ruins the fun of the game!”

Luna just grinned. “A goal’s a goal, Sister. Now hush and take the kick-off; I want to score a third before the half is out.”

Celestia obliged and again tried to run through Luna’s midfielders.

“Thunderlane is soooooo weak in this game!” fumed Celestia as Bulk Biceps brushed him off the ball. “You barely have to lean on him, and he loses possession!”

There was a blast of a whistle, and the commentator called for half-time.

Luna lounged backwards carelessly, smirking wider than ever. “What a disappointing half for your team, Sister! Is that the best you’ve got?”

Celestia grumbled her excuses. The fun was ebbing away, and in its place there was annoyance at Luna – for being so good at the game, and for giving her so lousy a team to play with. The annoyance was quickly shifted aside, however, by the desire to win. There was still the second half, and if she had learned anything from the first, it was that her only chance of creating chances was by using Rainbow Dash’s speed to get in a crossing position.

Celestia smiled as an idea formed in her mind. Luna was busy flicking through her squad, checking her players’ fitness levels. Celestia hovered over Thunderlane and selected his stats. Sprint Speed – 45, Strength – 64, Finishing – 70... The list of low ratings went on, but that wasn’t what she was looking for. It took her a second, and then she found it.

She frowned. Height – 6’0”. Hardly what she had hoped for. Unless... Celestia quickly flicked over to Big Macintosh and smiled at what she saw. Height – 6’6”.

“Hurry up, Sister!” Luna was watching her lazily, smiling all the while.

“Just a second.” Celestia switched the positions of Thunderlane and Big Mac. Now the burly centre back was playing up front.

“Are you sure you want to do that?” asked Luna amusedly.

Celestia exaggerated her sigh, smiling inwardly. Her tactic might just pay off. “It’s as good a change as any.”

“By all means, then, Sister. Play him out of position!” Luna sniggered. “Just watch, I’m going to tear you apart in this half.”

“... The players just getting back onto the pitch, ready for the next forty-five minutes...”

“Let’s go!” Luna kicked off and began to pass the ball around the pitch, this way and that, antagonising Celestia into making some clumsy tackles.

“Foul!” shouted Luna as her player was felled outside the box.

“Foul!” echoed the commentator. “Now, here’s an excellent opportunity to score. Can they make the most of it?”

Luna took the free kick without further comment, driving a powerful shot towards goal, only for it to smash into a player and bounce straight to the feet of Celestia’s in-game self.

“Yes! Come on!” Celetsia urged her player onwards as she turned and threaded a through ball towards Rainbow Dash. “Yes!” The speedster latched onto it and again sprinted to the byline. Now she would see if her tactics would pay off. She charged up the cross, and the ball flew high into the box at pace.

“Hah!” crowed Luna. “My ball, I thi—”

Big Mac towered over Luna’s centre backs and powered a header towards goal. Luna’s goalkeeper dived despairingly, and the effort soared into the top of the net.

“GOAAAAL!” screamed Celestia in jubilation, jumping to her feet in triumph. “GOAAAAAAAAAAAL!”

Luna looked absolutely dumbstruck. She was gaping at the screen in disbelief.

“And they’ve scored! Incredible! A top goal from a top, top player!”

“Well, they say heading the ball’s a dying art, but nobody’s told this lad. Great finish...”

“What are you saying now, Luna?” laughed Celestia, grinning so widely it almost hurt. “What are you saying now? Two-one, the scoreline! Two-one! And I’m just getting started!”

That goal, it seemed, had changed the entire atmosphere of the match. Luna, rather than being playful and loud, was now moody and quiet, muttering curses as her style of play became wilder and wilder. Celestia knew better than to break the silence, and so she contented herself by focusing on the game.

“Dang it...” muttered Luna to herself as she lost the ball again.

“Yes, pass it! Pass it! Yes! Come on!” Celestia found Rainbow Dash open to receive a pass and made no delay in sending the ball to her. Once again, Rainbow used her speed to create space for herself on the wing, Luna hissing darkly through gritted teeth as the former skipped over a sliding challenge and delivered the ball into the box.

“Yes! Yes! Head it!” Celestia slammed her finger repeatedly onto the shoot button, only this time Bulk Biceps climbed over Big Macintosh and got his forehead to it, clearing the danger and causing Luna to sigh with relief.

The remainder of the second half flew by, and with ten in-game minutes remaining, it was Celestia that was put under pressure. Luna was allowing herself the smallest of smiles as she stubbornly passed the ball about the back, happy to wait it out and not take any chances.

“Come on!” urged Celestia, desperately trying to tackle. “Come on...”

“... And that’s the referee signalling five added minutes...”

Luna played a careless pass and suddenly Celestia’s virtual self found herself in possession. “Come on!” She beat one player... two... “Yes, yes! Come on!” Three players! She was one-on-one with the goalkeeper!

“No you don’t!” shouted Luna, and Bulk Biceps flew in to make a vicious tackle, his legs scything Celestia’s away.

“WHAT –? NO WAY! REF! FOUL!” Celestia threw her arms up in outrage, but the referee’s whistle did not blow, and the ball trickled out of play.

“So that’ll be a corner...”

“That was just plain dirty, Luna!” she snarled, glaring at her.

“Oh, be quiet, Sister.” Luna stared evenly back, breathing heavily and looking pleased with herself. “I don’t care how dirty it was; I’m not going to lose this.”

Celestia gritted her teeth. At least it was her corner. This was it. The last chance of the game. It was now or never. She glanced over at Luna, who was sitting rigidly on the edge of the couch, jaw clenched, staring intently at the screen. Celestia turned back and took a deep breath.

And whipped in the corner.

It seemed to happen in slow motion. Big Macintosh rose majestically, his thick neck bulging as he threw himself at the ball. She heard Luna’s gasp of dismay. She could hear her own fast breathing, feel her own heart hammering. The ball soared towards the far post, out of the reach of the goalkeeper. But was it going in?

“Come on! Go in! Go in! Go –”

The ball clattered off the outside of the post and out of play just as the referee’s whistle blew for full time.

There was silence for a while, broken only by the cheering of the virtual crowds and the closing lines of commentary, the images of the players shaking hands and exchanging shirts flashing in front of both Celestia and Luna’s eyes.

Then Luna let out a deep sigh and tossed her controller aside. “Good game,” she said at last, and she smiled.

Celestia grinned back and held out her arms to embrace her. “Good game.”

There was a pregnant pause, and then they burst out laughing and gave each other a quick hug.

“I was so close to equalising though!” Celestia sighed and smiled. “If only that’d gone in! You’ve got to admit it, Luna: I did well!”

“You did, Sister.”

“Very well, considering that was my first time playing...” Celestia fixed a smirk on her face. “You were getting worried for a second there.”

Luna puffed out her cheeks. “I was. But we saw who the better player was in the end. Two-one! It was close, but it went the right way.”

“What?” exclaimed Celestia indignantly. “My goal was way better than the both of yours combined! If anyone deserved to win, it was me!”

“Oh yeah?” Luna narrowed her eyes and smirked. “Prove it!”

“How?” asked Celestia, smirking back.

There was another long pause as the two sisters smirked at each other. Then Luna spoke.

“Rematch?”