Nobody touches those ponies but us!

by Sora2455

Rating: everyone
Tags: Science Fiction, Adventure
Length: 1672

When ponies get abducted, the local villains get downright territorial...

A conglomerate from across the sea has started kidnapping ponies to sell off their magic! This looks like a job for the Mane Six!

…eh? They were foalnapped as well? Well um - Celestia too?!

The only person who can save the day is Discord… and he has had one of his crazy ideas…

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-15 22:13:56 UTC

1: Where is everypony?

There was an eerie silence over ponyville.

With the sun high in the sky, the town should have been full of noise as busy ponies trotted to and fro, completing their daily tasks. Despite that, there was no sign of the town's multi-coloured inhabitants. Tumbleweed drifted though town, as if to mock its emptiness.

Even at the far edge of town, at Fluttershy's cottage, the pink-maned inhabitant could not be seen. Her animal friends all lay on the floor, listless.

Then, with a flash of magic, the Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony materialised inside Fluttershy's cottage. Startled by the noise, Angel Bunny and the other animals all looked up.

"Yahoo~! Fluttershy, I'm back~!" Discord announced in a sing-song voice, dropping bags of memorabilia to the floor. Angel Bunny bounced over to the trouble-maker, jumping up and down and waving his hands in his attempts to attract his attention. "Now I know you prefer sheep's wool, but Lolth had the most darling silk made up and I know how much you like knitting~! ...Fluttershy?"

As the draconequus looked around for his friend, he causally kicked Angle Bunny out of his way. "Fluttershy? Are you out? I know I'm late for our tea party, but things kept coming up and... Fluttershy?"

Discord stared at Fluttershy's front door. Or, more specifically, the jagged hole in the wall where Fluttershy's door used to be.

A tiny version of Discord walked out from behind his larger self's head onto his shoulder. "Oh no! Something terrible must have happened to her!"

The larger version of Discord looked down on the other. "I know that, doofus!" Looking back up, Discord flicked his tiny copy off his shoulder.

Angel, having gotten back onto his paws, tried jumping up and down again; reaching near eye-level with the spirit.

"Shoo!" Discord brushed the rabbit out of his face. "I'm busy trying to find out what happened to Fluttershy!"

Angel Bunny hit the wall, slid down to the ground, got up, and stared in disbelief at Discord.

Discord rubbed his chin. "If something happened to Fluttershy, then the others are sure to know what."

*Flash*

"Twilight?" Discord looked out from the reflections in the named pony's castle.

*Flash*

"Applejack?" The draconequus stuck his head out of an apple tree.

*Flash*

"Pinkie Pie?" An eye peered into a pink-frosted doughnut.

*Flash*

"Rainbow Dash?" Discord lifted the roof off Rainbow's cloud-house and peered inside.

*Flash*

"Rarity?" The spirit's voice was getting frantic as he continued to fail to find the ponies he was looking for.

*Flash*

"Is there anypony left in town?!" Discord frowned as he looked around Ponyville's town square.

...

Now that he was looking at it, was there a house in town that hadn't been obviously and brutally broken into?

Discord's rump hit the ground as he stared at the clear signs of a struggle - the furrows in the dirt, the torn-up cobblestone. One of the thatch roofs even appeared to have caught fire at some point, and was still smouldering.

"Okay ponies, you caught me, ha-ha." Discord eye's nervously flitted from side to side. "Great joke. You can all come out now!"

Despite Discord's plea demand, the only living thing to rush into the square was Angel Bunny, bouncing in from the direction of the cottage.

Discord stared at the rabbit as his face tried to decide whether to be grateful or annoyed. It decided to spilt down the middle and do both.

Angel, fortunately used to Discord's antics, just tapped a foot on the ground.

Discord tilted his face, putting it back together as he did so. "Fluttershy fell down a well?"

Angel facepalmed.

Discord rolled his eyes. "Fine, fine. Mind summing up for those watching at home?"

Angel grabbed a stick and began drawing in the dirt, showing surprising artistic skill for a rabbit. Discord leaned over to look.

"Two legs." The spirit muttered to himself. "Thick beards, four fingers on both hands... wearing fishnets?"

Angel glared at Discord.

"Ohh, that's chain-mail, right. So hard to tell apart in sketches. You know, the way you've drawn that, it almost looks like a..." Discord trailed off.

Suddenly, Discord grabbed Angel Bunny and held him in front of his face. "Did they all have pale skin?" He demanded.

Angel nodded frantically.

"Use lots of tools made of gold?"

Nod.

"Sailed in wooden sky-ships?"

Nod.

Discord dropped Angel, stunned. "The... dvergr? The dvergr came and took everypony away? How? Why?! Nobody's seen them out of their tunnels in centuries, let alone this side of the ocean!"

Angel tapped his drawing firmly.

Discord stared at the sketch of a moment, before shaking himself firmly. "Nope! That can't be right! Maybe... maybe it break-your-door-down-and-hide day!"

Angel stared in astonishment at the spirit's denial.

Discord strode forward, eyes closed in self-assurance. "Yep! You ponies thought you had gotten one over on me, didn't you? Well the jokes on you!" Without opening his eyes, he strapped himself to a him-sized rocket that hadn't been there moments before. "I'm not going to stand for this! We'll see what dear Celestia has to say about this kind of behaviour!" With a lit match in his claw, Discord ignited the fuse on his impromptu transportation.

Angel Bunny jumped behind the fountain in time to avoid being roasted as Discord sent himself rocketing across the sky.

Discord's rocket hit the side of Canterlot Castle just above the throne room, blasting bits of beautifully carved stone every which way.

The spirit in question simply stood up, brushing soot off himself. "Now Celestia, I know that opening was a bit grand for your repair bills, but I really am quite miffed with you - "

The throne was empty. The royal carpet was covered in rubble from the hole in the wall opposite the one Discord had made.  Said hole, it should be noted, had it's edges run like melted wax rather than solid stone.

"Okay ponies!" Discord backed up into the wall, quite spooked now. "I know funny, and this really isn't funny!"

With a snap of his paw, Discord turned the midday sun into the midnight moon. "Ohh noo!" He cried out in a falsetto. "Discord's messing with the day and night!"

-Snap-, it was day again.

"Somepony stop him!"

-Snap-, it was night.

"Anypony...?"

Not a single voice responded to him. Not a single sound was made at all. The sheer emptiness of the city felt like it was physically smothering the chaotic spirit.

Discord slid down the wall, the realisation that something was very wrong hitting him for the second time in ten minutes. The world revolved around Discord as he spun around and collapsed to the ground, facing the hole he'd made coming in.

"So." He muttered to himself. "This is what friendship withdrawal feels like. How cruel of you, devious little ponies."

He lay there like that for a minute, just admiring the moon he'd raised. The Mare in the Moon stared back into his empty eyes.

...

...

Wait one cotton-picking minute.

Discord jumped back to his feet, eye suddenly alert as they stared intently at the lunar surface. Yep. That was definitely the Mare in the Moon symbolised on the white circle.

Stretching his claw out in a way that would have a less chaos-minded individual gawking, Discord reached out and turned one of the lunar craters, opening up the Moon like it was a porthole in the sky. With his paw, he reached into the 'opened' moon, pulling out -

"Princess Luna." Discord deadpanned, 'closing up' the moon and setting the alicorn on the ground. "What in the wide world did you do this time?"

"Discord." The Lunar Princess's voice was both tired and horse. "Whatever cruel sufferings thou had imagined for us, put them out of thy mind. There remains no more pain for thou to inflict."

Discord crossed his mismatched arms with a huff. "Actually, I just want to know what kind of insanity happened without me."

Luna's eyes unfocused as memories filled her mind. "The dvergr crashed into us like a wave of fire. They wielded mighty artefacts that countered our many advantages - craftsmanship was always their greatest strength."

Discord snorted. "You got your butts handed to you by a bunch of smiths with hammers."

Luna's eyes filled with anger as she focused her eyes back on Discord. "Thou in particular were sorely missed in the battle."

Discord's haughty attitude ablated as he fidgeted. "I - I was busy."

"Thou had better have been." Luna snarled. "Our sister fell before us - one of their golden spears cruelly embedded in her haunches. I was ready to carry the battle on in her stead, and she... she..."

"Banished you to the moon?"

Luna screamed; a dry, cracking noise. It was the kind of scream one made when one had been screaming all day and were still going. "What was our sister thinking?! With us here, the city stood a chance! Without us..." She gestured her head to the devastated throne room.

"I'm guessing..." Discord manifested a wig resembling the elder sister's mane. "'Oh my! When could I possibly send my sister in a hurry where the dvergr can't get her?'... or something like that, anyway."

"Did thou not think us capable, sister?" Luna continued. "Did thou think us some damsel pony of old, useful for nothing?"

Discord frowned. "It's not nice to ignore people, you know."

"...or is there more to it?" Luna's voice took on a darker tone. "Did thou think thou could carry the day, and did not want us to share in the glory?"

"We are still talking about your sister, right?" Discord tugged on his wig. "The one that has a bad habit of leaving the 'saving the day' thing to others?"

Luna had no words, she just

"Didn't you once try to take on the entire world by yourself?"

"Nightmare Moon was an misguided, arrogant fool of a mare."

"Sounds like the kind of pony we need right now."