Author's Note

Okay so I'm putting this at the top this time for one reason.

I am seriously screwing around with Spike's character here, to the point that I'm not entirely sure if I have to change the rating of this story to Mature. While nothing descriptively happens, it's quite heavily suggested so if a staff member wants me to upgrade the rating, do please let me know.

Why does everyone want to know my name?

“You know, we show up on this thing with the amount of noise it’s making,” Weiss shouted into my ear over the wind as we ripped over the train tracks, having already passed the train leaving Canterlot so figured we’d have no worries for getting our asses run over. “We’re probably going to scare everyone when we get into Ponyville!”

“Probably!” I replied sitting upright with one hand on my hip, the other one keeping us aimed down the center of the rails. “But that’s what makes it so much fun!”

“What if Eben didn’t get our message that we’re out of town and tries to send the materials through while we’re on the road? Or in Ponyville? Or visiting with Twilight Sparkle and Spike?” Weiss asked, getting nervous as she began to dig into my shoulder padding once again.

“He’ll have gotten it; it’s an instant transfer right?” I turned my head towards Weiss while keeping my eyes on the “road.” “He’ll probably have them manually carried to the shop to wait till we get back or something.”

“Yeah, you’re- you’re right! Everything will be fine!” Weiss replied however her tone of voice suggested otherwise and her claws reinforced this as I reached back to loosen her grip on me. “How much longer till we get there?”

“No idea. I was told to just follow the tracks down and we’d get there eventually. Wanna go faster?” I returned to gripping the handlebars with both hands, pulling Weiss and me back down again.

“I don’t- yes- no- yes, yes! No!” Weiss’s indecisiveness had me pull on the brakes, shifting down in the process to pull over to the side of the tracks in the event that a train had been following us.

“Are you-” I began, however Weiss hopped off my back and stood near to the bike.

“No i’m not! I’m so nervous about meeting this Spike!” Weiss whined, curling up into a small ball in the grass. “What if he doesn’t like me? What if he thinks i’m weird for still living with my brother? I mean, who even does that anymore!” she threw her arms up into the air before wrapping them back around her knees.

“I notice you didn’t add the part about some strange alien creature being your caretaker.” I removed myself from the bike and sat down next to the tiny dragon.

“Nah, that part I can handle.” Weiss replied, wiping a silent tear from her eye on the back of her hand.

“Well I appreciate that, Weiss.” I replied. “Anything I can do to help calm you down again?”

“Probably not, no.” Weiss announced, staring at her feet. “Not unless you know some kind of trick for forcing somebody to calm down?”

“I dabbled in a bit of self taught hypnotherapy. Wasn’t very good at the suggestions or actually getting anyone into a trance state but I would often be called by my ex girlfriend or other friends at night to calm them down enough to put them to sleep.” I explained, stretching out on the hillside looking out at a very blue lake.

“Do you think it’d work on me?” Weiss looked up at me curiously, her eyes still sporting a few leaks.

“Well, since i’m hoping that you’ve never tried hypnosis before I imagine it may at least help.” I said, lying back on the grass behind me and folding my hands over my stomach. “As long as a train doesn’t come by and disturb us, would you like to give it a try?” I closed my eyes and let the sunlight cascade down on my face, warming me from the outside in.

“Might as well I guess. What do I do?”

“Lie back and get comfortable.” I instructed, remaining still.

Giving Weiss a minute to do so, I began to recall what I remembered from the documents i’d printed out and sort of memorised.

“I want you to remain silent and listen to the sound of my voice.” I began in my lowest, calmest voice I could easily muster up. “Focus on the sound of my voice as you open your mind to the world around you. Hear the sound of the birds as they float lazily on the breeze above you. Let yourself feel each individual blade of grass brushing against you, feel the wind in your spines and the sun on your scales.

“Remember to focus on my voice as you become aware of the natural surroundings you lay in. Now I want you to imagine a small orb of pure energy. It can take the form of a ball of calming light, or you may simply feel it’s presence. Let it’s calming energy wash over you from above.” I have to admit, I was doing the same thing and my mind responded in turn by starting to shut my body down.

“Now this orb begins to descend on you; it means no harm. It wishes only to help you relax. Let it soak into the crown of your head, the muscles on your skull instantly releasing all tension and floating freely. Now this energy continues lower, its energy penetrating into your ears and eyes; the muscles becoming loose and free. It continues into your eyes and sets them at ease; this is a pleasant feeling, yes?” I could feel as though gravity had increased on my head and was trying to drag it deeper into the ground, as though I wanted to merge with the planet.

“Now this energy continues lower still, relaxing the muscles in your face, mouth and jaw; letting the feeling of gravity become you as though you wish to melt into the cool grass beneath your body. Let the wave of calm seep down into your neck and let everything go. Let your powerful neck rest now as it’s been holding up your head all day. Let everything go now.”

My own body was already anticipating the next step so in response, both my arms instantly went numb and collapsed to the ground beneath me. Gravity, I swear, was getting heavier on them, almost unbearably so.

“Now this energy descends into your shoulders, releasing all tension in your extraordinary muscles as it continues into your arms and chest. Let your arms go limp and loose, let them fall where they may as you take a deep breath; in through the nose,” we both breathed in at the same time. “and out through the mouth.” the both of us released slowly, relaxing as our arms disappeared into a mess of dirt and flesh; at least I could swear they did, it certainly felt like it.

“This relaxing feeling continued down into your belly and back, continuing to calm everything as it continues down into your thighs. Let all the worries about keeping you up vanish from you, drain it into the earth below.” I suppose the only reason I was still awake was because I was the one doing the talking.

“Now it reaches the end of its journey as it enters into your tired and aching feet. As this energy passed through your soles and into the earth, it takes with it all the negativity and strain that you’ve been feeling. You are left completely calm and relaxed, listening to the sound of my voice in the calming environment around you.” Ok, I had to sit up now. Ensuring to do so as quietly as I could, I rubbed the fatigue from my eyes and looked down at Weiss, calmly and quietly breathing where she lay; completely at ease with the universe.

“Now I want you to become more aware of your body as I slowly bring you back to wakefulness as I count from ten to one.

“Ten, you begin to regain feeling in your feet as you focus on my voice. Good.

“Nine, you can now feel your shins again, still letting them remain calm and relaxed.” My voice was starting to return to normal as I counted.

“Eight, higher still; your powerful thighs are relaxed and stress free as you give them a twitch.” I instructed, watching her legs kick a bit in response.

“Seven, you’re doing so well. Your belly now as all the weight is lifted from you.

“Six. Your back has become two separate entities from the ground beneath you, but you still feel relaxed and at peace.

“Five, halfway there now. You’re chest let's you take another deep breath, letting you exhale slowly and with each breath, you remain more and more calm, more relaxed.” I resisted the urge of standing up to forcibly wake myself up, so I resorted to massaging feeling into my legs again.

“Four, you can feel your neck return to you again.

“Three, your jaw and mouth wake now, letting you work your jaw to regain some feeling.” I watched as Weiss’s tiny jaw opened and revealed her rather sharp teeth as she worked at regaining feeling in it.

“Two, the top half of your head is awake now, your ears ready to receive.

“One,” My voice was back to normal again, speaking clearly and quickly again. “You are now fully awake and can open your eyes, feeling refreshed and rejuvenated.” Her eyes shot open just as her maw opened in a yawn, her tiny arms stretching out at the same time.

“Wow, that actually worked! I feel great!” Weiss announced, sitting up and leaving an imprint of her body in the grass behind her.

“So you’re ready to meet Spike and Twilight Sparkle?” I threw my leg over my bike and turned it on again, taking a look over my shoulder to watch the steadily approaching train in the distance; still nothing more than a heatwave shimmer.

“Totally! Let’s go!” Weiss replied as she clawed her way up my leg and onto my back again, looking eager to get going.

Accelerating quickly, we reached a casual speed of about 180km/hr, give or take, and pulled back onto the tracks; ready to go meet the new contacts.

~~~

“So this is Ponyville?” Weiss wondered out loud as we pulled off the tracks and slowed to roll onto a heavily trodden path nearby. The town before us looked otherwise quiet, quaint and safe to go to. “It seems-”

“Small.” I interrupted, letting us more or less coast into town in first gear; figured that the townsfolk had heard us coming on the way in.

“I was going to say empty.” Weiss replied, leaning in over my shoulder to whisper into my ear and still raising her voice over the engine. “Where is everypony?”

“Probably hiding from us.” I replied as I pulled over at the train station and killed the engine. Taking the keys with me I hopped off the bike before Weiss released her grasp on me and jumped to the ground below. “Think about it like this, we were making enough noise that everypony probably thought some dangerous creature was going to rampage through town.”

“I see your point. Then should we just head straight to wherever Spike and Twilight Sparkle live?” Weiss asked, taking my hand in her own as we sauntered down the street.

“Do you know where that is?” I looked down at the female clinging to me.

“Maybe someone at that really big castle knows?” Weiss suggested, pointing over thatch roofing at the most ostentatious castle-thing i’d ever- never mind, i’ve only ever seen the Canterlot Castle.

Rather than reply audibly. I merely shrugged and began to try and navigate us in the straightest line towards the castle, avoiding lanes of sub traffic like alleyways or smaller streets.

“Wow, it kind of looks like everypony has practice hiding away quickly.” Weiss noted as she looked at a market with still fresh produce, some food stalls with bowls of steaming product.

“Who knows, maybe it's not a strange occurrence for everypony to have to hide from something.” I shrugged in reply, remaining on the original trajectory towards the town castle. “I wanna know one thing though.”

“What’s that?” Weiss looked up up me, still keeping her claw in my hand.

“How does a town like this get it’s own Castle?” if this was similar throughout the rest of Equestria then perhaps the title of Princess wasn’t all that it was cracked up to be.

“Apparently, and I read all this in the newspapers some time ago, miss Twilight Sparkle and her friends defeated some evil creature thing who tried stealing all the magic in Equestria. The castle thing just grew out of the ground at the end of it all.” Weiss replied, looking back into her memories to find the pertinent information.

“Oh good, so we’re going to meet another Princess?” I complained, no longer wanting to continue the trek if to save my own peace of mind. Weiss’s eagerness to meet Spike, however, kept me walking.

“Technically yes, but I hear she’s a much less formal Princess.” I must admit, I sighed relief at this.

“So then what can I expect?” I asked as we finally rounded onto the street of the large towering building. I really didn’t like it’s appearance.

“Best guess, alicorn princess with a baby dragon. I really don’t know much about these two either way.” The dragon let go of my hand and climbed up onto my back, then higher and sat on my head cross legged.

“Comfortable?” I asked, looking up at Weiss with my eyes to keep her from falling off me.

“Not really, you have a really hard head. Was an idea and I don’t like it.” Weiss explained, climbing back down again into my back loops.

Pulling said jacket tighter around my torso, I zipped myself up entirely and stuffed my hands into my pockets in silence. As my eyes wandered around the street, I could barely make out the reflections on the eyes of inquiring ponies before they disappeared into shadows again.

“You’re still sure you want to do this?” I asked, climbing the few steps to the front door, holding short of knocking.

“Yeah, we came all this way already; we might as well accept their offer to meet.” the dragon replied, watching my face from over my shoulder.

I begrudgingly raised a fist and rapped on the door a couple times before stepping back, stuffing my hand into my pocket again.

“Hold on, i’m coming!” a female voice demanded from within. “Who is it?” she asked, her voice directly ahead of us with the slab of whatever this door was made of between us.

“It’s-” I began for introductions, however Weiss interrupted me as usual. This was becoming a regular thing.

“We’re here to accept your invitation for meeting; it’s Weiss and caretaker.” Weiss called back over my shoulder, her spines brushing against my ear and side of face.

“Oh excellent! I was hoping you’d get here before whatever creature invading Ponyville showed up but I suppose I can provide you shelter till they leave!” the female voice announced as I heard the door open slowly. This was going to be good.

“Yeah, about that.” I replied, scratching my arm through my jacket; not easy given the amount and thickness of leather.

“Oh, I see.” a purple mare with a horn and wings replied, staring at me in shock from under her violet mane with a pink streak through it. “You are the terrifying creature.”

“Apparently.” I remarked in all simplicity. “Does your offer still stand or should we go away?”

“No no, it’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting the caretaker of two baby dragons under the care of Princess Celestia and Princess Luna to be- whatever you are. I’d thought you were a unicorn in all honesty; two actually. Please, come in.” the mare I suspected to be Twilight Sparkle requested, pulling the door wide and stepping aside.

“Thank you.” Weiss bid for me as I entered us into the equally ostentatious interior. At least it was warmer in here.

“Spike has been beside himself waiting to meet another baby dragon. I understand it you have a twin brother, where’s he at?” Twilight asked as she lead us through the lobby of the castle and into a throne room with six larger thrones and a seventh, smaller and unmarked throne next to one.

“In Canterlot. He acts as my face for my upcoming furniture business.” I explained, stepping around the nearest throne with three balloons printed on the head. The other thrones all had similar inscriptions on their own heads; the most interesting ones was the one with the tri-coloured lightning bolt and the other a trio of blue rhombus-cut diamonds. “I thought there was only the one Princess living in this town.”

“Hmm? Oh right; I am the resident Princess, yes. These other thrones are for my friends for when we go on missions or hang out here. They’re all currently busy with their other lives at the moment or didn’t care to meet -what we all thought to be- another highly skilled unicorn.” Twilight explained, climbing up into her own throne denoted by her matching cutie mark.

“That’s fine by me.” I replied, collapsing in the tri-balloon throne once Weiss had removed herself from my person. “So, where is this Spike?”

“Of course. Let me just call him.” Twilight replied. “Spike! There’s someone here to meet you!”

“Really? That’s new!” the voice I presumed to be Spike called back before the sound of claws clicking on the floor echoed through the castle. “Who is it?”

“Remember that letter we sent to Weiss, her brother and caretaker? They’ve decided to show up.” Twilight explained as a set of rounded off green spines appeared from the doorway a ways off, all attached to a purple scale body with green accents.

“Weiss is here?” Spike asked eagerly, walking up to Twilight’s side. Weiss however had worked herself behind my back even as I lounged on the throne. “Woah, I had no idea her caretaker would be a human.”

“How do you know what I am?” I asked, sitting up to let Weiss hide comfortably behind me.

“Pshh, we’ve had a couple of encounters with humans already, right Twilight?” Spike explained casually before returning to the task of meeting another baby dragon. “So where’s Weiss?”

“You must understand, she’s very shy when meeting new ponies.” I explained, standing up to receive a squeak of protest from the white dragon behind me before I felt her latch onto my back to remain hidden. “Come on Weiss, you wanted to meet him, now’s your chance!”

“I’m freaking out right now!” Weiss whispered into the back of my head, sounding distressed.

“A moment, please.” I requested, standing up and turning from the thrones to walk a ways away, Weiss scurrying around my body as I turned. “What’s up? I thought we’d already dealt with this?”

“I know, but now it’s all back en force!” Weiss replied, looking like she was about to burst into tears. “I can’t do it! I thought I could, but I can’t!”

“But you can do it, I know you can! You’re a ferocious, fire-breathing dragon!” I informed of the creature now riding in my arms like a child, as if she needed reminding of her species.

“No! I’m a baby dragon who lost her unicorns with her brother in an inferno that I caused!” Weiss shouted back, tears draining from her eyelids. “I killed our unicorns and Eben still hasn’t forgiven me for it!”

“That wasn’t your fault. How could you know what would happen if you breathed pure dragon fire on a fire ruby? You had no idea that it would ignite.” I asked, keeping my voice calm.

“How have we never tried that?” Spike inquired of Twilight behind us. “I had no idea that breathing fire on a fire ruby would ignite it.” I could hear Twilight respond with mumbling and a very likely shrug.

“But I still did it! I still killed them!” Weiss kept weeping, using my sleeve to wipe off her face.

“And if you hadn’t, would you still have a human for a caretaker? Let’s be honest, I may not be a powerful unicorn, but i’m still pretty awesome with my human intellect; if not that, then I have hands.”

“That-” Weiss calmed herself down with a sniffle. “-That’s true. I didn’t really like Eben’s caretaker in the first place. Plus, Titan didn’t have hands.”

“His name was Titan?” I asked with a stifled chuckle. “Sound like a tool.”

“Nah, he was pretty cool; had all sorts of magical abilities that didn’t otherwise make sense.” Weiss replied, cuddling in against my body. “He called it ‘combat magic’ but never actually had to use it given the peaceful state of Equestria.”

“Combat Magic?” I parroted back in disbelief, trying to imagine what the use of that would be. Maybe in some kind of war. Or just putting the fear of humans into ponies. “I suppose that could be useful if he was a soldier or something.”

“He wasn’t.” Weiss twisted her body and hopped down from my grasp and spun me about. “Ok, let’s try this again.”

“Is she alright?” Twilight asked in concern.

“I think she’ll be fine.” I replied as I took a step aside, leaving Weiss revealed. “Spike, this is Weiss. Weiss, this is Spike.” I crouched down next to Weiss as she nearly latched onto my arm again, threatening to skin me alive.

“Uhm, hi, Weiss.” Spike waved nervously, remaining where he stood. “It’s a pleasure to meet you!”

“Hello.” Weiss squeaked back, her frame trying to hide behind my forearm but failed miserably. “It’s nice to meet you too.”

“She kind of reminds me of Fluttershy.” Twilight mumbled to herself. “Spike, could you and Weiss go get us some tea? I hope that’s alright with you?” she looked up at me inquiringly.

“If you’ve got a red tea, it works for me.” I replied. “Go on Weiss, you’ll be fine. Shout if anything happens.” I detached myself from Weiss before giving her a pat on the back, edging her forward.

“You make it sound like you're expecting me to assault her.” Spike griped, making Weiss’s eyes go large with nerves. “Not that I would! I promise!” he tried to recover, stepping away from the dragon to let her have space. “Come on, the kitchen is this way.” Spike waved for the girl to follow after her.

Reluctantly, Weiss followed after the male dragon while I took a seat across from Twilight.

“So how’d you get to Equestria without me knowing?” Twilight demanded once the dragon’s were out of earshot.

“Excuse me?” I raised an eyebrow curiously.

“How did you get through the mirror and into Canterlot without me aware of it? What’s your purpose here? Did Sunset Shimmer send you?” Twilight peppered me with questions, none of which I had answers for.

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about, Twilight Sparkle. I will tell you the same thing I told Princess Luna when she found and imprisoned me…” I barked back, and so began my explanation once more with Twilight listening earnestly.

“So you have no idea how you got here, but it wasn’t through the portal? Never mind the fact that you’re not even from that human world? Just how many human worlds are there in the universe?” Twilight wondered aloud, having pulled out a stationery set from nearby to write notes down. “So you say you have no purpose being here otherwise; save for making money and buying your way out of the dungeon?”

“Precisely that. I have skills that will help me make an income, and after a while I should be able to find myself a proper workshop that I can remain secluded in to work while I raise two baby dragons by myself.” I replied, brushing my hair back with my hand. I still wanted to know why it was silver.

“Well it seems that aside from the shy behaviour, Weiss will be fine. I suspect that Eben will be the same given how he’s apparently been caring for Weiss up till you came along. Still, i’m shocked to hear that Princess Celestia gave you both of them to care for despite you being human and magicless.” Twilight set her quill down to review her notes; my case.

“Save for the Dragon Eye Weiss gave me.” I quipped, pointing out the eye in particular.

“Right. You know, i’ve studied magic all my life and it never once occurred to me to see what Dragon Fire does to gemstones.” Twilight replied, leaning against her forehoof to examine me. “Any other additions to your body?”

I shook my head in response. “I haven’t had a chance to let Weiss experiment on anything to see what stone does what. I’m really not looking forward to being the guinea pig.” I explained, wondering where Weiss and Spike was with the tea.

“Mmm, fair enough. So a question, if I may?” Twilight requested, switching topics. I motioned her the go ahead. “You’ve been in Equestria for what, a month now?” I nodded my head. “How does nopony know your name? You do have a name right?”

“Yes, I have a name. I think it’s something with this world that persistently refuses me to introduce myself as anything but ‘The Human’, or ‘The Caretaker’ or whatever. I’m almost certain that if I tried to give my name, right now, that would be when Weiss and Spike get back.” I explained with a grin, leaning against the armrest which didn’t make much sense to me given that it was regularly ponies who sat here.

“I’m almost tempted to have you test that; they’re really taking forever.” Twilight hopped up onto her own arm rest to look down the hall; presumably towards the kitchen.

“Hi, i’m-” and in true fashion, I was interrupted by the sound of a female scream, followed by a resounding slap. Both Twilight and I bolted upright and raced after the origins.

Skidding into the kitchen, Twilight and I found Spike on the floor giving Weiss the death glare to rival my own as Weiss openly sobbed and ran directly at me. Launching up at my chest, I caught the baby dragon and cradled her in my arms as she wept.

“Don’t-” sob “Let-” sob “him touch me!” Weiss whimpered as she burrowed deeper into my embrace. I could feel the heat rising up inside me in response.

“It wasn’t like that!” Spike responded instantly as he recovered; still giving Weiss a death glare as he tried to turn on the charm. “I was simply trying to help Weiss up onto the counter to get the cups when my grasp slipped and I brushed against her with my head spine!”

“That was not your head spine!” Weiss screamed, pointing an accusing finger at the purple dragon. “Head spines don’t wiggle!” I could already feel my eyes twitching as Twilight simply gaped at Spike, her mouth hanging open.

“Twilight, take Spike and run.” I ordered as calmly as I could. “Because if I get my hands on him i’ll fucking kill him!” My voice escalated as I nearly dropped Weiss to jump at Spike to throttle him. His only saving grace was a purple sheath enveloping his body and moving him out of the way, making me skid to a halt as the both of them ran out the door. “You ever lay so much as a claw on my dragon again, i’ll mount your head on my mantle!” I shouted back at the dragon before turning towards the front door again.

“Don’t let him touch me!” Weiss mumbled as she continued to weep in my arms.

“That dragon is never going to see you again, let alone get a chance to touch you. I promise.” I said quietly, stepping out into the sunlight. “Come on, we’re going home.”