Caught in a Mare Romance (Party)
Rarity beamed at her friends as they took their seats, each chair marked with their names on an envelope. "I just know you'll love this tonight!" She exclaimed, tossing her mane. "Lotus Blossom and Aloe worked so hard to put this together for you!"
"Yeah, Rarity... we're not all exactly sure why we're here." Twilight said, arching an eyebrow at her. "Don't they work at the spa?"
"We are much more than the masseuses of Ponyville," Aloe chimed in, her voice soft and sultry.
"We procure other methods of pleasure," Lotus Blossom continued with a wink, giving everypony there a bright, seemingly catty grin.
"Like candy?" Pinkie asked, her eyes bright.
"Ah'm sure we weren't all asked here ta see candy, Pinkie." Applejack replied, shaking her head.
"Awwwww," Pinkie sighed, her mane sagging as she sank back into the sofa.
Lotus Blossom noticed Fluttershy and smiled knowingly. "So good to see you again, dearest. Will you be placing the usual order?" The pegasus turned bright red. Twilight arched an eyebrow.
"Rarity, what are we doing here?" Rainbow Dash demanded, waving her hoof. "And what's in the trunks?"
"In due time. I don't want to spoil anything before the Princesses arrive!" Rarity giggled, holding a hoof to her mouth to suppress it.
"Canterlot time, eh?" Applejack elbowed Twilight, a wide grin on her face.
"Royal duties do take precedence over Mare Romance parties," Celestia's voice came suddenly from the door. Applejack blushed as the Sun Sister and her lunar counterpart joined the Main Six in Rarity's living room.
"Ah meant no disrespect, of course," the earth pony said, tipping her hat. Celestia laughed gently.
"None taken, Applejack."
"When do we begin the showing of wares?" Luna asked, excitement glittering in her eyes. "It has been centuries since I have replaced my bedside table's contents!" The two sisters took their seats in the front row beside Twilight.
"Rarity, what exactly is 'Mare Romance?'" Twilight asked.
"Only the best in sexual aides, tailored just for the needs of a mare!" Aloe announced proudly.
A hush fell over the room as Lotus Blossom flung open the lid of the massive trunk she and Aloe had been leaning on. The contents gleamed and sparkled in the light—shimmery glass dildos, silver jeweled plugs, a coiled length of black leather that appeared to be a whip, and various other contraptions the likes of which the Mane Six had never seen before. Except for Fluttershy, who simply nodded.
"So." Aloe said to the silence, "shall we begin?"
"Please!" Rarity gushed, smiling brightly despite most everypony else's sudden anxiety.
"Well," Lotus Blossom said, reaching into the trunk with her hoof, "as most of you know, we offer a Heat Treatment at Ponyville Spa. What you may not know is that you can order these products to take home with you to handle your own heat issues. A popular device is the Raging Stallion." The spa pony held up a large phallic piece of black rubber that flopped obscenely in the air, boasting a thickly veined shaft and textured balls.
"What on Equuis would anypony need a fake rubber weiner for?" Applejack snorted indignantly.
"Haven't you ever lain alone in your bed at night, those thoughts in your mind setting your thighs on fire?" Aloe asked, fluttering her eyelashes innocently. Applejack's cheeks turned as red as her cutie mark. "Instead of worry about finding somepony, you have what you need at your disposal, right at your hooftips." Aloe reached out and smacked the Raging Stallion, sending it flopping again, eliciting a series of giggles from Pinkie.
"Does... does that come in yellow and orange? I mean, not that it matters," Rainbow Dash added quickly. "Ahem, just curious."
Twilight arched her eyebrow again—this evening was beginning to make her face hurt. Yellow and orange? What pony was yellow and orange...? Her eyes became wide.
"Spitfir—"
"The Raging Stallion line is fully customizable and comes in a variety of sizes," Aloe continued, cutting her off. "Would anypony like to try—"
"Try it?" Twilight gaped, her eyes large.
"—holding it," Aloe finished, giving Twilight a strange look. Twilight turned pink.
"I desire to hold the false phallus," Luna said, reaching out her hoof. "I must see if it holds the necessary heft."
"Sister!" Celestia scolded. Luna looked at her, unabashed.
"I was on the moon for a millennia. Forgive me if I have not enjoyed the dalliances you have."
Now it was Celestia's turn to blush. Luna passed the Raging Stallion from one hoof to the other, making sounds of assessment. She raised it to her face, and for one moment, to the horror and amusement of everypony present, ran her tongue from its base to its head in one long motion.
"It is enjoyable," the Moon Sister said finally. "Does it come in a double sided form?"
"Er... No, Princess," Aloe replied, caught off guard.
"A shame. What about a tentacled version?" Luna continued. Lotus Blossom blinked and Aloe choked.
"I'll, ah, have to check with corporate?" Aloe managed, having recovered smoothly.
"I do not understand the shocked expressions, my good mares." Luna said, smiling sweetly. "After all," her voice dropped to a whisper, "I know your dreams." She looked pointedly at Aloe.
Aloe turned the reddest anypony had yet to be at this event thus far. Pinkie giggled and squealed with delight.
"Aloe likes octopi!" She sang. "Tentacles and Aloe, squirming in a tree, P-E-N-A-T—"
"Shall we move on?" Lotus Blossom desperately tried to interject some professionalism into the evening that was quickly deteriorating into chaos. She'd jumped at the idea of having the Princesses at one of their Mare Romance parties—big ponies, deep pockets—but Luna was proving to be one of the oddest customers imaginable.
"Please," Rarity jumped in, saving the day with her social grace. "I'd love to see what has Fluttershy so hot and bothered!" The unicorn winked at her friend, and the pegasus simply blushed and hid behind one of her wings. Aloe giggled.
"Well, we have a special 'rubber weiner',"— she looked pointedly at Applejack, who returned the stare with equal animosity— "made of crystal, that's enchanted!"
"Enchanted?" Twilight asked, her ears and wings perking up with interest.
"Yes, enchanted how?" Celestia echoed, inclining her head. "I've never heard of magic being used in such a way."
"That is because you are a prude," Luna said simply, thwapping her sister on the muzzle with the Raging Stallion. Celestia blinked, startled, having no recompense. Aloe and Lotus Blossom stared in horror. Luna smiled sweetly at her sister and waggled the dildo in her face once more for effect.
"Enchanted?" Twilight tried again, wanting to hear something that interested her.
"Ah, yes. We have a group of mages working for Mare Romance that take the buzzing energy of honey bees and copy it, transferring it into these marvelously sculpted crystal toys!"
Aloe flourished a shimmery pink crystal dong from the trunk while Lotus Blossom made her sales pitch. The mane six "ooooh-ed" and "aaaaah-ed," even Applejack, for the specimen they modeled this particular toy after was a magnificent stallion indeed. Celestia made a sound of approval.
"That is a unique use of magic," the Sun Sister agreed. "May I?"
Aloe passed the crystal vibrator to the Princess. "All you do to turn it on is hum," she said with a wink.
"B-bees?" Fluttershy stammered. "Oh dear, dear..."
Celestia hummed gently, her lips forming an "O" of surprise as the pink crystal came to life in her hooves, buzzing at a pleasant speed.
"Your mouth won't be the only thing making an O, if I may be so bold," Aloe smiled. Celestia smiled back.
"This is marvelous. The application of magic is simply wonderful! What a novel idea."
"I wish to see," Luna said, reaching for it.
"No, you have your own rubber wiener to fondle, little sister." Celestia teased, holding the vibrating toy closer to herself.
"Mine does not produce pleasant vibrations that will soothe the fires of my loins. Give it to me," Luna countered. "You would not know the first thing about using this wondrous device."
"Er, it's technically still ours," Lotus Blossom said nervously, shifting her weight from one hoof to the other.
Celestia tossed a pile of golden bits at the pony. Aloe tried not to gasp at the sheer amount of precious metal, far outweighing the price.
"T-they didn't hurt the bees, did they?" Fluttershy asked. Rainbow Dash looked at her sideways, eyebrows knit together.
"Why are you so concerned?"
"I, I mean... well, you see..." Fluttershy tried, turning red, her voice going even softer. "I... maybe... use mine so much... the magic runs out and... *squeak!*"
"You're all a bunch of perverts," Rainbow sighed.
"Yer the one who wanted one ah these that looked like Spitfire!" Applejack laughed, snorting a bit at her friend's attempt to hide her shame. "Don'tcha be judgin' 'Shy that way."
Rainbow Dash blushed so hard that she turned purple.
"Spa ponies," Luna announced, suddenly losing interest in Celestia's crystal vibrator, "do you have anything with which a mare may dually pleasure both her orifices simultaneously without the aid of a stallion?"
Lotus and Aloe blinked.
"Do ya have a DP dong?" Applejack translated with a heavy sigh, tugging on the brim of her hat.
"How do you know so much about this?" Twilight gaped. Applejack shrugged nonchalantly, waving a hoof carelessly.
"Older brother," she offered, not caring to expand.
"I think we might have something like that in our Fetish trunk..." Aloe began to search in a second, smaller trunk they had brought in. Luna *popped!* in behind her, peering over her shoulder.
"Celestia!" She announced, so loudly Aloe jumped off all four of her hooves. "They have a kit with which a mare may make a clone of a stallion's phallus! Perhaps you can purchase this product and Guard Rampant may return to his regularly scheduled rounds?" Luna raised her eyebrows at her sister, a smirk growing on her face.
Twilight covered her mouth with her hooves to muffle a snort as Celestia gave Luna a look that would melt the Elements of Harmony themselves. Luna grinned, waggling the Raging Stallion at her sister like an obscene scepter fit for a dominatrix.
Lotus and Aloe exchanged a look. The message between them was clear—no more Princesses at Mare Romance parties. Simply too much royal drama.
"Well that looks lovely! made of leather?" Rarity chimed in, pointing her hoof at a pile of straps in the trunk Aloe was digging in. Lotus Blossom nodded.
"It's, er... for more extreme play than I think anypony here is into. But we can show you—"
Before she could finish her demonstration, a pink blur crossed the room and snatched the harness from her hooves. Luna blinked as the Raging Stallion vanished from her grasp.
"Pinkie, what on Equuis are you—" Twilight tried.
"Look at me, I'm a unicorn!" The party pony giggled. She'd strapped the chin harness on upside down and fashioned the dildo upon her forehead. Pinkie tossed her head so the black rubber dong wiggled and shook, bouncing in time with her mane in a most suggestive fashion.
Everypony burst into laughter.
"Pinkie... that... that's not what that's for," Twilight chuckled.
"Oh, right!" Pinkie giggled. "How silly of me! I'm not a unicorn... I'm a uniporn!"
The room dissolved into nervous giggles and a rather hearty chuckle from Applejack.
That was the first time Pinkie had ever brought a party to a grinding halt.
