Voodoo Kick

by Bloody Hell

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Zecora, Applejack, Comedy, Fluttershy, Sex, Random
Length: 2849

Fluttershy and Applejack learn a bit about the... magic of Zecora's homeland.

Fluttershy and Applejack visit Zecora, when the farmer notices a carving from the zebra's homeland. Naturally, shenanigans ensue.

Marked Teen for suggestive humor and mind-in-the-gutter language. As if you couldn't guess. Sex tag for innuendo only. I blame my head cold for this.

Published 2015-11-19 03:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2015-11-19 03:20:02 UTC

Voodoo Kick

by: Bloody Hell

“So Rainbow crashed into the Twi’s castle again, doin’ some fool stunt,” Applejack said as she and Fluttershy set an easy pace. “She calls it the ‘Buckin' Amazin' Filly Freefall’, or somethin’ like that.”

The farmer and caretaker nattered as they continued their stroll. The two met coincidentally at the edge of Sweet Apple Acres. As Applejack was on her way to deliver some of the farm's goods to semi-reclusive shaman, Fluttershy offered to accompany the rugged farm mare, even if she didn't exactly say why. But given the pegasus was welcomed company for the farmer, Applejack didn't press the matter. The early autumn afternoon left them both in a splendid mood as they made for the edge of the Everfree. The warm breeze and just-changing colors of the foliage only enhanced their collective feeling.

“Anyway, point bein’ she whacked right the side of it and slid down like a… a…” Applejack paused her gate as a blank look overtook her face. Fluttershy paused a few steps later while Applejack searched for a good rustic simile or apple related metaphor. But for once, her mind drew a blank. With something of a shrug, the farmer continued her banter and canter.

“So yeah, Dash slid down one of the branches and fell the rest the way to the ground.” The farmer gave a stamp of her forehoof to demonstrate the point. “When she came to, she said she couldn’ feel anything on her left side.”

“Oh dear. Is Rainbow okay?” Fluttershy asked, the concern plain upon her muzzle.

“Eeyup. She’s alright now.” Applejack finished.

The two continued their pace, though the pegasus swore she heard a rimshot off in the distance. It was then she remembered that the Crusaders were trying for Death Metal Cutie Marks in one of the farm's barns. The pegasus figured it was better that way. Poor Elizabeak never quite recovered from their "Cutie Mark Crusaders Fast Food Restaurateurs! Yay!" episode. The pegasus was still paying off the therapist bill for the hen's Post Traumatic Dressing Disorder.

The apple-laden saddlebags jostled about on the farmer's flanks as the duo continued their stroll. As they passed into the border of the Everfree, the sunlight seemed to shine in random spots all about the expansive woodland. The trail continued through the woods while the two swapped stories and laughter. After a few more minutes of prattle, the two came upon an odd site. While the forest was known for being unusual in a general sense, what they came upon was something that was indeed unusual.

Beside the trail, a tall birch specimen with a drooping branches and a proud example from the beech family with upraised leaves marked the turn ponies usually took to reach Zecora's domicile. But between the two proud timber specimens, a spot of sunlight shined down upon a sapling that was just making its emergence into the world. And if its spirited growth was any indication, it would grow far.

“Well I’ll be. 'shy, you remember that bein’ there before?” the earth pony asked.

She took in the scene for a moment with a soft smile. New growth always played on the farmer's maternal instincts. The pegasus gave a soft shake of her head. Even if she lacked an answer, Fluttershy wore her habitual smile as she approached the sapling.

“I don’t...remember seeing this here before," the caretaker noted as she got down on her belly to examine the baby tree from a closer perspective. But after a moment, she squeaked and maneuvered her mane over her face as was her wont. She said from behind the pink curtain. "I can tell you it’s a boy though.”

“You can sex a tree?” Applejack asked. She put nothing passed the pegasus in matters of flora and fauna, but even this was pushing it.

“Oh yes!” the pegasus chirp from behind her mane. She pointed a forehoof to a tiny branch just sprouting about halfway up the trunk as Applejack approached. “See it’s little woody right there?”

“Ahh. Does got a stem on the apple, don’ it?” Applejack mused. Fluttershy gave the farmer a confirming nod from behind her veil.

“I wonder though, does that make it a son of a beech or a son of a birch." Applejack took a stroll around the sapling, looking it over in detail. It was then that something caught her eye as rounded it. "And what’s that little hole doin' there.”

The pegasus blinked and broke through her pink mane to look closer to the tree where, indeed, a tiny cavity was made on the backside of the trunk. For the life of her, the caretaker couldn’t make out what caused the hole. After a moment, the pegasus shrugged daintily before rising to all fours as the farmer gave an audible "Hmm." For that matter, neither pony could quite place the family of tree the sapling belonged to that had the tiny cavity. But just as they were about to leave the mystery for another trip, a woodpecker swooped down in front of the pegasus.

“Oh, hello there Beaky!” the pegasus greeted in a soft voice. She lifted a forehoof upon which the bird set down. “What are you doing here?”

"Ya named the bird Beaky?" the farmer asked.

"No. It's mother did." Fluttershy responded as the bird seemingly glared at the farmer.

Applejack letter the matter drop, seeing a no-win situation. The woodpecker chirped and squawked emphatically. The pegasus nodded and gave a few “mmm hmms” as the bird told its story. Applejack watched the exchange with fascination, though she could swear the caretaker blushed more than once. At one point, the animated woodpecker gyrated its hips as its wingtips were behind its head, before it gave its pelvis a (relatively) great thrust forward.

As the bird continued its story, the hyperactive avian reminded the farmer of Pinkie Pie during the incident that had become known as the "Great Mareuvian Sugar Bender". Even if her cousin still denied it, the farmer swore the substance the party pony inhaled was illegal in several regards. The foremost being that it took a week of being strapped down in Sugar Cube Corner's attic to detox the pink quantum anomaly. The howls that came from the confectionery were almost deafening to anypony that heard them and Apple Bloom would still not go anywhere near the hyped-up mare if it could be helped.

Applejack shuddered away the memories as the bird gave a lurid wink and flew off.

“So what’d he say?” Applejack asked, having surmised the gender of the bird as she'd seen several stallions do the same sorts of movements whenever Rarity passed out of earshot.

“Oh. Beaky was looking for….” the pegasus started to speak before she trailed off into a mumble.

“Volume, sugarcube,” Applejack said gently. She put on an encouraging smile as she put a hoof to her friend’s shoulder.

The pegasus cleared her throat and took a deep breath. “Well, Beaky overheard our question. He said 'it wasn't the a son of a beech or son of a birch, but it was apparently the best piece of ash he’s ever had'.” She finished by disappearing behind her mane.

“Well, there's our answer then.” Applejack said. She paused for a beat and blinked before continuing. "Wait, so he was lookin' for a good piece of ash to spend the day with?"

Fluttershy was behind her mane again. The pink curtain gave a certain wave that the farmer took as a confirmation.

"Guess that would explain the ashhole.”

With the mystery solved, the two mares continued down the path while still enjoying the autumn air. It wasn’t too long until they approached Zecora’s domicile. A variety of pleasant smells wafted into the their nostrils as they made their way to the door.

“Smells like she’s makin’ up a stew,” Applejack remarked.

“It’s definitely smells like like a tasty brew,” Fluttershy agreed. She inhaled deeply, causing her wings to flit slightly. “Mmmm. Or maybe it’s a fondue?”

Just then the door opened. The mohawk maned zebra glanced to the two before a smile threatened the borders of her muzzle. “Oh, hello to you two!”

The farmer quietly groaned before clearing her throat. “Heya Zecora,” the farmer greeted. “Just droppin' off those Galas you wanted.”

“Ahh, yes, come into my hut then. “ The zebra spoke as she moved back into her home, allowing the two mares to pass. She closed the door before addressing the two ponies. “And what of your yellow flying friend?”

The pegasus squeaked out of reflex, but then cleared her throat as she realized there was no way out of it. “Well, um, Cranky Doodle visited me last night to see if there was something I could do to help him. He and Matilda are worried about some random accidents he’s been having. All sorts of things kept falling onto his haunch after he knocked into them."

"He kept swearing it wasn't his fault because it was like his flank had a mind of its own. So they did some research to find a cause and what they found was... unusual. He was too embarrassed to have it checked out at by a normal Doctor because he was afraid they would just call him a klutz. But he's afraid it's...” the pegasus trailed off again as she disappeared behind the aegis of her mane.

“I cannot hear you, my yellow flying friend. As the farmer here says, ‘Come again?’,” Zecora gently coaxed the pegasus, even as Applejack shot the zebra a look.

With the mumbles still indecipherable, both the farmer and the shaman leaned in closer to the pegasus. The only thing they were sure of was that the pegasus was breathing, even if no sound was forthcoming.

“One more time, sugarcube.” Applejack said gently, leaning even closer.

“Assfault,” the timid caretaker responded quietly.

The zebra put on an encouraging grin. “You need to speak louder, like from the back of the class. My dear Fluttershy, you sound like you’re speaking from your…”

“Assfault!” the pegasus blurted out, succumbing to the pressure. She gave an 'eeep' before continuing. "Sorry..."

The farmer and shaman both blinked a moment as the ringing worked its way out of their ears. The zebra muttered something quietly before moving about her hut.

"So that's why I came to see you." Fluttershy finished.

Zecora cleared her throat and gave a click of her tongue while Applejack worked a bag of apples from her saddlebag. The pegasus did her best ostrich impersonation with her mane in the starring role of the ground.

“So I see that your friend is in a fix. But I believe I know just the trick!” Zecora practically sang as she moved about her hut to gather various ingredients for a remedy she knew. “It will be a few moments, flyer of gold and farmer in orange. The concoction is not hard, but I need to find the right….”

The caretaker and farmer both blinked at the pause as the Zebra seemed to be working something over in her head. Her eyes burst open, which startled Fluttershy a bit.

“Sporange!” the zebra said triumphantly. She moved towards a shelf containing many fungi samples as her eyes sparkled.

“Okay, that’s cheatin’,” the farmer muttered as the zebra hoofed through her stocks.

As always, the shaman proved to be a miracle worker. After looking through the various mushroom samples, she found the particular one she needed. The zebra cracked open the gills of the sample and moved towards her cauldron, dumping the spores into the boiling liquid. As the liquid that served as a base for all her alchemical remedies brewed, Zecora worked in various ingredients into the iron pot. A puff of purple smoke after the last ingredient went in clued the zebra in that the mixture was ready. She set a bottle on a table next to the cauldron and grabbed a ladle with her mouth.

“Worry no more, my dear Fluttershy. When your friend drinks this, he shall be fine.” Zecora muttered through a ladle-filled mouth as she skillfully poured the concoction into the a bottle without spilling a drop. She spat the ladle out and produced a cork. As she set the stopper in place, the zebra continued. “Two gulps before bed and stay away from cheese. By the next morning, gone will be his butt disease.”

Fluttershy squeaked again, this time in joy. She flew over to the zebra and wrapped her forelegs about Ponyville's resident shaman in thanks. Zecora returned her hug with a soft chuckle. Applejack took in the scene for a moment before glancing about the zebra’s hut. For her part, the farmer had always marveled at the knickknacks Zecora owned.

The shaman had everything from scary masks to books of tales from her homeland set about her hut. The farmer glanced to one shelf where the shaman had an odd looking sculpture set in an open wooden box. Made of ebony wood and shined to the point of reflection, the carving looked like a powerful stallion's leg, right down to little details like the muscles rippling slightly. The base tapered upwards. However, instead of a ending in a hoof, it had a rounded end.

“Hey Zecora,” Applejack asked as she cantered over to the piece of art. The zebra and pegasus had broke their hug as the farmer pointed out the sculpture. “What’s this?”

“That, my orange earth pony friend, is a magical marvel without end! It’s has a powerful enchantment that acts quite quick. In my homeland, it’s called a Voodoo Kick.”

“Uh huh,” the farmer groused. She then noticed the sculpture quivered slightly while a small translucent aura flared around the carving for a second. Her curiosity was obviously piqued. “So what’s it do then?”

“So glad I am you asked, so I shall give you a sample.” the zebra moved to the bag of produce Applejack delivered. She grab one particularly large specimen by the stem and set it on the table. She cleared her throat before continuing. “Let me show you. Voodoo Kick, the apple!”

The sculpture quivered once and started to float up from the confines of the container. Even as the art piece levitated, it zoomed around the farmer’s head with the rounded end leading. The farmer turned her head as the sculpture moved to a vertical position over the apple. The carved leg held its pose for just a moment before thundering down into the Gala.

The fruit splattered in all directions as the carved leg vigorously worked against its target. Voodoo Kick continued it's assault for a few minutes, thumping rhythmically against the tabletop. The two ponies watched with their mouths open. Zecora just stood impassively as bits of the apple still flew all over the three, coating them with a fair amount of juice. The shaman had a knowing glint in her eye. The farmer glanced to the shaman just then and her mind began to put the logical images in her mind.

“Okay, that is enough. Voodoo Kick, the box!” the Zebra spoke after little fruit was sufficiently obliterated.

The sculpture paused mid thrust on the remains of the fruit. Heeding the call of its mistress, the ebony leg flew back towards its container. After it rounded the farmer’s head once more, it landed with a soft thump, apparently none the worse for wear from its spirited performance.

"As you see, my friends, Voodoo Kick has an enchantment without peer. Mind your commands though, as everything it will hear. If you say the wrong thing in jest, it will fly towards your..."

"Ah get it!" Applejack grunted, her forehooves pulling down on the sides of her hat. The images she could have done without.

"...ear." the zebra snarked anyway. An all too innocent smirk creased the zebra's muzzle. Applejack shifted her forehooves to her temples and rubbed them slightly while Fluttershy blushed deeper than the skin of the deceased apple, her brain also worked in overdrive to get her imagination in check.

“Hey Zecora!” a scratchy voice called behind the door of the hut. The door pushed open as a pegasus trotted passed the threshold, sporting an audacious mane and attitude. “I came be to see…”

Rainbow Dash looked about the hut, seeing dripping remains about the three occupants. Fluttershy’s face had become enveloped by her mane one more, while Applejack and Zecora gave the pegasus something of a nonplussed look.

“What was going on here, what was that thumping, and why are you guys wet?” Rainbow asked rapidfire as she hovered just passed the door.

“Zecora was showing us her Voodoo Kick,” Fluttershy answered meekly. Applejack nodded a confirmation.

“Uh huh,” Rainbow muttered, failing to take notice of the quivering piece of art. She shifted to a smirk. “Voodoo Kick, my plot.”

Author's Note

I apologize for any misspelling, etc. I needed to take a break from a larger piece I'm working on. Otherwise, I blame my sleep deprived, fever ridden mind.