Smoke Break

by Cytotoxin

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, Main 6, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Random
Length: 3859

Everypony needs a smoke break every now and then.

This is mostly experimental, mind. I`m not trying to create any kind of overarching plot. Not consciously, at least. The intention is to create a selection of ponies smoking. Why would they? The snippets will hopefully explain. An exercise in introspection, if you will.

Published 2015-12-03 01:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2016-04-17 23:16:58 UTC

Rainbow Dash: Apprehensive

Well... that was certainly good business sense. Immoral, probably, but good. She considered the salespony apprehensively, while her hooves ripped off the shiny wrapper. He seemed to enjoy brisk business right outside the CWB. Now, all she could do was wait, and the appearance of somewhat overpriced but still eminently affordable smokes have had to be intentional - there were at least three other pegasi doing the same thing as she did. Central Weather Bureau usually conducted their business briskly, but even then, it took a better part of an hour for them to process an application and suggest suitable vacancy.

Rainbow Dash glared at the neat tubes of paper. She promised herself to kick the habit. Really, she did. Well... almost did. Its just... every time she was starting to feel good about the decision to quit, something happened that just asked for a drop of nicotine to kill the horse out of her. Last time she slipped was when Fluttershy didnt come back. Course, she wrote back, but... jeez. Settling in an earth pony town?

She tapped the shiny box irritably, biting the end of one cigarette as they bumped out, and pulled it out. If Fluttershy was there, shed quietly but politely ask if maybe Dash wants to spit the disgusting thing out, and then try to stand upwind. If Gilda wes there, shed bum a smoke off Dash a moment shed see her getting one. Alas, neither was around. Truth to tell, she wasnt sure Gilda would be back at all. Some brouhaha happened back at Whateverstan she came from, and off she goes. Bloody loyal of her, given it wasnt even a certainty there was a home to come back to. Oh well. If there isnt, she`d be back. No?

Dash frowned. Her hoof was trembling a little as she scraped the tip against the little wheel, rough metal scraping sparks out of flint right on the oil-soaked wick. Her nose scrunched from the heat as she stuck the tip in and inhaled deeply. Oh, damn it all to Tartarus, she NEEDED that smoke. Acrid smoke wafted out of her nostrils, replacing the worry with heat and bitterness. Logically, she shouldn`t be worried. Rainbow Dash was an awesome flyer, no? Snagging a decent job ought to be piece of cake. Right? Right?

Flicking lighter closed, she took another drag quickly, left eye pinching as a bit of smoke wafted in it. Bugger it all. She cursed quietly, turning upwind a little more, winking the errant tear out of her eye before someone drew wrong and embarrassing conclusions. The only thing worse then being pitied was being pitied for something that didn`t happen to her. Oh, for crying out loud, what took them so long? Surely there was some town in need of weatherpony. Weather job was always in demand. Especially, good fliers for the weather job. So what was wrong?

She snorted, letting out two jets of smoke and wiggled her hoof in irritation, shaking the ash off. It fell on the cloud and promptly disappeared, soaking into the water. Lye rain, heh. A problem with pegasi cities, if there ever was one. Heating makes ash. Ash plus water makes lye. Lye rain makes crops go bye-bye. SO did she just wreck someponys crops?... Nah. Cloudsdale lemoned the foundation cloud routinely. She should know, shes been picking extra bits doing that. A sour work, but eh... it was there, at least.

"...Miss Dash? Miss Rainbow Dash?!" Huh. Someones... out... Oh, snap! She flicked the stump away like it was poisonous, and turned to face the clerk with a fake goofy grin that just screamed "ohcelestiapleasepretendyoudidntseemesuckingsmokejustnow". Clerk replied with his own facial rictus, clearly sending along - "isawwhatyoudidandi`msilentlyjudgingyou". Time to face the music. She followed the clerk with more bravado then confidence. Still, it meant they did find her something, if she was asked to go in, no?

Rarity: Exhausted

...No.

No.

Nonononono. NO. She wouldnt. She shouldnt. She... needed to. Bah.

Grumbling quietly, she gave in, opening THAT drawer, pulling out THAT box, unlocking it with THAT key and getting out.... THAT. Eugh. Vile thing. Vile thing that she really really really wanted right now.

"...Sod it. I deserve a little something something after all that work." - she muttered, more to reassure herself then for anypony else`s benefit. Rarity knew it was silly. Talking to herself? Puh-lease. So uncouth. Almost worse then... then... then smoking. At least she was able to break her initial habit, at the very least. The... homegrown... eugh. Just... Ugh.

Pulling a slender cigarillo out of the ornate box, she sighed, flicking the lighter with her magic habitually, taking a whiff as the end started smoldering. "I really have to stop doing this." - she said to nopony in particular. It was a lie and she knew it. When she was feeling burned out like this, nothing helped. Aside from burning something else, that is.

Rarity took a long drag on her cigarillo, exhaling a jet of smoke that would`ve made Spike proud. Spike, heh. What would he even think if she saw that, hm? Would he be curious? Disgusted? Or, heavens forefend, aroused? After all, breathing smoke was something dragons were wont to do. All the more reason to never ever let anypony know. Or anydragon, for that matter. Or just anyone, period.

"What is it about you that lights my imagination anew?" - she muttered distractedly, watching the smoke curling in the air. Already, she could feel the imagination uncoiling. Nothing definite, yet, but she knew the routine by now. Smoke, philosophize, get some wine, loathe oneself a little for having to resort to such base and blaze means of jolting ones creativity, and by tomorrow shed be bursting with fresh ideas. And slightly sick, but that was just the price to pay. Fair enough.

Rarity lifted the bottle of wine and poured it into her mug. Yes, mug. No, not a wineglass. Not at all. A mug. It was necessary. Really, it was. She glanced at the wineglasses in the bar irritably. So dainty, so elegant.. and so bloody boring. She could never properly explain why, but she only ever tried two times to drink wine out of glass when she was alone. Either time, it was utterly pointless. But then again, maybe the problem was the wine. It wasn`t a venerable vintage, even. No, it would never have the chance to be one. Young wine was not meant to be aged.

In a way, her problem resembled young wine. Carpe diem. Seize the day, drink it now, for tomorrow it would be but a vinegar. Also useful, of course, but she`d leave that vinegar to Suri. To everyone by needs, after all.

Rarity took a long swig from her cup. "To Tartarus with you all." - she muttered clearly, - "This is my day, this is how I want it."

Octavia: Exasperated

She stalked out of the concert hall angrily, still shaking her head in disbelief and outrage. The nerve of some ponies. To suggest she could not possibly be the first cellist solely on the grounds she didn`t happen to be unicorn or stallion... Argh. Just argh. The whole thing took almost twenty minutes, and by the end of it she was quite ready to grab the responsible party by the mane and mash her stupid face into the civil law codex until it penetrated her thick skull. Physically, if needs to be.

Octavia leaned on the street lamp, letting out a long angry sigh. She needed a smoke right now. Thankfully, that much she had ready. Hooves trembling slightly, she fumbled with the half-empty pack, catching one of the fags inside nimbly with tonguetip, biting it on the end to draw it out. Lighter cracked as she spun the wheel, catching fire on the third attempt. She really needed to refill it with earth oil tonight.

"Bit for your thoughts?" - Frederick was used to the situation by now. Anytime Octavia would get seriously angry, she`d storm out and could be found outside, burning her irritation along with tobacco. He sympathized. Getting ahead in musical world was tough, even in formally professional fields like classic music.

"Youd be overpaying." - she chuckled bitterly, shaking her head - "That... uncultured, ignorant, tribalistic COW! The laws have had been there for centuries. Oned think that by now everypony would get the hint. But noo, she just had to go and open her fat ignorant mouth!"

Stallion shrugged. "Yeah, well, thats what I wanted to talk to you about." - he proffered, stepping around her smartly to keep upwind. He didnt mind Octavia smoking, not really. But nonetheless, he rather preferred not to stay in the way of her exhaust, if at all possible. "You see, I know a bit or two about it that you do not. And it`s actually rather good she said all this." - he continued, awkwardly.

Octavia fixed him with a glare. "Explain. Just how exactly getting harped at by this bigot is a good thing?" - she bit off sharply, exhaling a veritable cloud as she did. Its a wonder it didnt glow from an anger she seemed to exhale along with the smoke.

"Ah, you see... Its one of them political things." - he proffered, wrinkling his nose as the acrid smell tickled his nostrils - "Weve just had the misfortune of meeting lady Puffy Purse. On her own, well... her only claim to fame is that shes a hereditary courtier. Her claims to infamy are more numerous, but all come back to one thing - shes dumb as dirt. In her mind, what she did right now was a cunning political maneuver meant to discredit you and oust you from the orchestra."

Octavia snorted. "And she wants that why?" - she inquired after a moment of silence, tossing the stump away - "... Wait, let me guess. One of her foals is a cellist and shes thinking shes paving a way for them into "appropriate" position, no?"

"You got it. Well, except for one thing. She never managed to breed, thankfully. So the foal in question is her nephew. Bright lad, really. Pretty good on a cello. Hes slated for Stalliongrad orchestra next year, incidentally, on his request. Apparently, the old Tremolo wants to retire and is setting up his protégé to take over." - he explained patiently - "So, yeah. Just smile and wave and ignore the hag. And please, Octavia... if she shows again, just go out and have a smoke. Im aware youre able and probably willing to cave her face in, but Id very much rather put up with the smell for a while. Alright?"

Octavia rolled her eyes. "Yes, yes." - she offered dismissively, turning around to trot back into the building - "Ill do my best to withhold my brutish, violent, mudpony ways." She never noticed the hurt look on Fredericks face.

Fluttershy: Furtive

That... naughty bunny. Very much naughty, indeed. Tempting her with things he had no business handling. Seriously now, given that a drop of nicotine should`ve dropped a pony, by all rights Angel should have had exploded by now. Oh well, at least his cigars were not of any expense. Just... a bit scary to collect. But also exciting. Tobacco flowers have such a pretty smell. And there was never a shortage of wild tobacco around Everfree borders. Naughty grass from naughty forest, indeed.

She really shouldnt have. Its... not nice. And hazardous. And a little gross. And foal-unfriendly. And really a bad habit to get in. And, and.. and... puff. Well, just this once. Fluttershy shrugged, letting out a cloud of sweet-smelling smoke. Oh well, why not? One has to treat oneself every now and then. She idly wondered just how in the world Angel figured out it was a tobacco. The encyclopedia picture was totally different. The leaf, especially. A simple boat-like shape, not like the jagged seven-feathered ones she had to pick. Then again, wild tobacco must be different from cultivar, right? Right?

She shrugged lazily. that was probably important somehow, but for the love of it, she just couldnt remember why. Which meant it really wasnt, and she was just daydreaming again. But why not? A good day. Fluttershy shrugged awkwardly, exhaling a long whispy jet of smoke into the sky. Nice weather. Shed have to say thanks to Rainbow Dash. Hee. Heeee... Hehehehe! Oh, Dash, Dash, Dash, Dash... Dashie. Always good for a laugh. A good-natured laugh, of course. Why, shes never laugh at someone, only with someone. That was one of the tantamount requirements of being Fluttershy. She was unsure what`d happen if she stopped being Fluttershy, but that vaguely seemed like a bad idea.

"...I could really use a bowl of oats about now." - she suddenly proclaimed, tossing the roach into the waste bin and stretching out. Time to get some snacks.

Twilight Sparkle: Relaxing

Pipe, check. Ashtray, check. Tobacco pouch, double check. Armchair, check. Lamp, check. Magic hat, check. Magic cloak, check. Reading table, check. Coffee mug, double check. "Ye Moste Potente Potions, Elixiri et Concoctions", check. Time to relax, in style!

Twilight put the book down on the table and reverently turned it open. One of the most famous and comprehensive academic works on early alchemy, and original printing too. Really, princess Celestia was sometimes just too kind with her presents. The monetary value of that book alone was probably comparable to the whole of Ponyville in total. Oh well, if she were given such a present, she would enjoy it for all that it`s worth!

To begin enjoying, however, she needed... proper environs. After all, what was the point of reading ancient grimoire if you were not dressed as an ancient wizard? To that end, she put on her magic hat and magic cloak. +3 Wisdom, +3 Insight, +30 Mana! Joking aside, the garments were strangely comfy. She had long ago suspected that maybe ancient wizards knew a thing or two about clothes that just weren`t obvious to... ahem, less magical brethren.

Now, to complete it! Twilight lifted the pipe and tilted the pouch over it, magic funneling the dry leaves and crumbs into it. She shook the pipe until things settled, tamping down the tobacco until it sat in the firehole neatly, but not too dense to block the airflow. Then, with a flick of horn, she sent a spark of fire into it, inhaling deeply through the mouthpiece. Hnnngh!

A time ago, smoke bothered her. A lot, if honest. Coughing, tears, nausea. But apparently, it was just a matter of getting used to it. And being prudent about it. So right now, Twilight had no problem simply inhaling the whole mess and letting it out of her nose a few moments later. If only Spike saw that just now. Hed ask for lessons on "how to dragon", probably. Then again, maybe its for the best he didn`t.

A few more deep drags, and the pipe was burning properly, gentle whisps of smoke roiling under the brim of her hat. Now, she had all that was necessary to enjoy the old text to the fullest. Onwards!

___

Three hours, four pipes and six mugs of coffee later, Twilight leaned back in the chair and groaned. As amusing as the reading was, she was disappointed. Nothing whatsoever in the book have had been unknown to her. If anything, over a half of presented information was in her schoolbooks, and the rest she had ample time to study, practice and surpass during her extended tutelage in Canterlot. Oh, not to disparage the venerable historical text, of course, but at the moment that was all that it was - historic. Still, it was a sweet gesture, even if the book contained nothing new. Then again, if the book did contain something new, chances are this new would be forgotten for a good reason, no?

With a light heart, Twilight closed the book and returned it into the secure cabinet where she kept most valuable and important possessions. It was high time to get back to work, after all. Friendship waits on no pony and all that jazz.

Applejack: Curious

A dry corncob - easily obtained. A sturdy reed - available in abundance. A bit of work with knife - not a problem. Obtaining some tobacco? A bit iffier then Applejack might have liked. On the other hoof, setting a bit of a plantation aside for her little side business wasn`t that bad. She had to cut Mac in on the whole thing, of course, but neither Applebloom nor Granny Smith were actually aware of the acre of pipeweed spread evenly along the fence demarcating the Sweet Apple Acres.

Initially, she planned on growing the whole thing as a single field in the furthest part of the farm. Macintosh talked her out of it, though. "The easiest place to hide is in plain sight." - he said back then. Lo and behold, ponies passed by her tobacco every gosh-darn day, and not a single one commented on it. All because it looked like some decorative weed planted along the fence. At times, Applejack considered just how crafty her brother really was - and where did he even learn such subterfuge?

She checked the newly made pipe again, and blew into it lightly, making sure nothing was plugged. The air went through the whole thing easily and she grinned. "Still got it." - orange pony muttered proudly, crushing some leaves to fill it up. Truth to tell, Applejack rarely indulged in smoking, but she made it a point to sample each new batch before she allowed any to be sold. Keeping up the dependable rep.

Applejack checked around habitually, making sure she was alone, and tilted her newly prepared pipe towards the oil lamp, letting the pipe weed within catch on fire. A minute later, the quiet knocking on the barn door let her know her customer had arrived. Just in time, too. She opened the door a little, allowing Twilight to slip in.

"...That smells pretty good... Oh, and hello there, Applejack. I see youve got my order ready?" - inquired unicorn amiably, as she peered at the smoking pipe. Farmer nodded with a grin. "Jus quality assurin`, Twi. Want ta join me?"

Twilights brow quirked. "Dont mind if I do." - she offered then, pulling out her own pipe. Unlike Applejacks use it and toss it corncob pipes, Twilights was a work of art. Cherry wood, silver rings, enamel inlaying, the works. A pipe worth an archmage. Which Twilight admittedly was. Still, there was something inherently comic in seeing such a grandiose pipe used by a pony who otherwise preferred her life plain and straightforward.

"...Yanno, Twi, ahve been meanin to ask. Whyd you take up smokin?" - Applejack inquired lazily five minutes after, both of them sitting on the bale and making smoke rings lazily. Unicorn shrugged. "That.. is a bit of a story, Applejack." - she offered after a moment of thought - "But it all comes back to one thing. Philosophy." She paused, turning to look at her friend intently - "Have you ever considered just what are we doing, Applejack? Toying with fire like that? Every single animal fears the fire. Even dragons are wary of it, despite the fact they can breathe it. But we... we toy with it. We use it for our pleasure."

Her eyes clouded as she looked into distance, musing - "We`re gone beyond animals, Applejack. We learned so much. Built so much. Achieved so much. And this little bit of fire is a testament to that. That what for all intents and purposes is death, and we tame it to take pleasure from it. So anytime I smoke, I think of how far we, the equinity, have gone. How much we achieved. And how much there is still out there to see, to learn, to master. The fire at our hooftips is but a promise that we will not stop, will not shrink back from the future, but embrace it and grow with it."

Applejack chuckled. "Anhere ah thought yall jus` like ta smoke." - she quipped lightheartedly, earning herself a light punch to the shoulder in process. Twilight huffed. "Well... that much is self-evident."

Sunset Shimmer: Contemplative

Shes never done it before. But hey, first times for everything? If she could give this whole forgiveness business a shot, why not? Sunset chuckled. Come to think of it, why did she did make an effort to look like a rebellious teen. So why didnt she ever think to start smoking before?

She dangled her legs idly, watching the sun slowly rise. It was weird, of course, that she woke up that early. Or bothered to get on the roof. But, hey. Living the life, no? So the whole magic thing didnt work out. In retrospect, she couldnt see what she expected to happen. Of bloody course stealing an artifact like this would not go unnoticed. And the whole prom thing, just... argh.

"I mustve came down with stupid. At least thats what Im going to claim from now on. I mean, prom, really... Sheesh." - she groused - "If I were serious about it, I shouldve skipped the town with that crown thingy. Figures, though. Spend all this time fixated on thing I dont really even care about... Oh well. Not the first time, Sunset, not the first time. At least the fallouts not quite as bad. I`m improving, heh."

She glanced down on the shiny pack. Sure, she meant to give it a try. Just... not right now. A little later. Tomorrow, maybe. Or the next week. Or maybe... Argh.

She tore the plastic quickly, certain she`d try to put it off if she gave herself time to think. Plastic scrunched up, the ripped the lid open and yanked out the silvery bit of paper. Finally! Her prize! Her little rebellion. It felt a little weird to put the paper in her mouth, but, eh...

Sunset cautiously took a drag. Well, it`s... smoky. Nothing special, though. Second was less cautious. "Whatever." - she murmured, watching as the cigarette burned half-way in, smoke curling around her - "Thought this is nothing to write home about." She swallowed uneasily. Why people were so hard up about smoking, anyway? Seems pretty harmless. She swallowed again.

...OK, now she was feeling nauseous. The last few drags were not pleasant at all, and she could tell that she didn`t want to go for more. Just... the last... last... HURGH!

Ten minutes later, she was washing her mouth out in bathroom. "...Not doing that again. Nope." - she intoned solemnly, looking at her reflection in the mirror. Thankfully, no one saw her blowing chunks off the roof. She left the pack right there, next to the puddle of vomit. Either was definitely a thing she didn`t want back. No way, no how.

There`s got to be easier ways to be rebellious, she thought absentmindedly.